Anyway, minutes later the group falls into the sewers where they are immediately spotted by something lurking in the dark.

Iggy: Ew! What did we land in?

Yoshiki: We don't need to explain or we might end up being rated R.

Cammi: Hey, look, that oversized mutant swamp monster is coming to save us!

Iggy: #@$@#% it, we used that stupid joke.

A huge monster bursts out of the water. It looks like Aps, from the FF7 game.

Narrator: Uh, we’re gonna need a little more than that.

Uh, it looks, it… It has… It’s a sea monster with chains on its hand and a hump on it’s back and it has two legs!

Narrator: Not enough!

Leave me alone! Iggy draws his sword. Yoshiki cracks her knuckles but her arm falls off. Cammi pulls out a staff.

Iggy: Gee, that wasn't seen before either.

Sewer Beast: Roar.

Cammi: Huh?

Iggy: Hey wait, he said roar, he didn't roar!

Sewer Beast: Well, err...

Iggy: It talks!

Sewer Beast: Um… I think we can solve this problem in a civilized manne-

Iggy: Kill it!

Iggy jumps and stabs the beast in the gut.

Sewer Beast: Hey! I didn’t do anything!

Iggy starts flashing as he hits his limit breaks. This happens when he gets hit a lot and he gets really mad.

Iggy: Arg!

DEATH KNOCKER

Iggy: Knock knock!

Sewer Beast: Who’s there?

Iggy: Mitch.

Sewer Beast: Mitch who- oh!

Iggy jabs his sword into the Sewer Beast and it does normal damage.

Sewer Beast: Hey! That was uncalled for! Ah!

Suddenly a huge mass of unknown material smashes into the Sewer Beast and he sinks to the bottom of the sewer with it.

Meanwhile…

Roy: Ah, I knew I shouldn’t of put my lips on that. Oh! Ah! Geez, that hurt! I knew I shouldn’t of eaten that.

Guy: Hey! Get out of the bathroom!

Roy: No!

Guy: I really got to go!

Roy: Dude, I need some digestive medicine, I’m just too hyper.

Back with our heroes…

Iggy: Well it’s amazing- our first real battle, and we beat the heck out of some helpless monster for no reason.

Cammi: I say we go to the pig farm next.

Yoshiki: I can't find my arm.

Our team, after winning the battle, is awarded with a Potion.

Iggy: A what? This is the first Item we've gotten! I'd better make sure it’s safe!

Five seconds later…

Iggy: Whoops.

Cammi: Where should we go to next?

Yoshiki: Didn’t Roy say something about Ludwig trying to put down the pillar supporting the Sector 3 panel?

Iggy: No.

Cammi: Yes he did!

Iggy: No he didn't!

Yoshiki: Geez, you're forgetting everything!

Cammi: Yeah!

Iggy: No, I refuse to believe you!

Cammi: Dude, what the- Geez!

Yoshiki: Ok, well, let’s get out of these sewers first.

Anyway, they wade through some toxic waste for about ten minutes and come to a rundown subway station. The area is trashed and subway cars are laying disfigured all about, littering the ground.

Iggy: You can only imagine how this had happened.

Then Iggy passes out and has a flash back of what may be a past life.

Engineer: Doo da doo...

Radio: We now return you to the new Brittney Spears song.

Engineer: Wha- Oh no!

The engineer, in panic, twirls the controls as the train skids out of control, crashing to its side as it reeks havoc on the tracks. Other trains in the station are tipped over as it is smashed into it, causing a large accident.

Engineer: Awww, $#%#$%! Bet I get blamed for this. I shouldn't of been reading that dir... er, I mean Entertainment Weekly while I was supposed to be driving.

Iggy then wakes up.

Iggy: Hey! That made no sense at all! I was never there and it couldn't have been a past life ‘cause I was born before Brittney Spears became famous. How the-

Cammi: Uh, ok, how are we gonna get over these?

Iggy gets an idea.

Iggy: ...

Okay, so he didn't. But we can try to capture something from that BB inside his skull.

Iggy: ... Iggy leaves the room and comes back with a large bazooka.

Cammi: Uh, where'd that plot device come from?

Iggy: Who cares? As long as it gets us out of here.

Iggy fires it and it doesn’t even help as it blocks the passage after the explosion.

Iggy: Aw, forget it!

Iggy jumps on the mess and just walks over.

Cammi: That really should have blown to bits and pieces.

Yoshiki: Yeah.

Iggy: Look what I found! A bazooka shell!

Cammi: Huh?

BOOOOM!

Suddenly everything explodes. After the smoke clears every one sees that the way is clear.

Yoshiki: Where's Iggy?

Cammi: Ah, I'm sure he'll show up later in the plot.

Cammi and Yoshiki begin running through the mess.

Cammi: Is there a moon out tonight?

Cammi looks up to see all of the subway cars and a bunch of other debris suspended in the air.

Cammi: Cool!

Then it got bigger.

Cammi: Gee, the laws of physics stink.

The two of them get crushed under the pile. Iggy lands on some jagged glass.

Iggy: Ouch...

Anyway, Iggy hears the cries for help under the debris. He gets a lawn chair.

Iggy: I'm on break, you go ahead and suffocate for another 15 minutes or so

15 minutes later…

Iggy: Ok, I’m done now.

Iggy gets out of the lawn chair and pulls two stinky corpses out of the debris.

Iggy: You two need a bath, seriously…..

A bug comes out of Cammi’s mouth.

Iggy: Seriously.

Iggy drags Cammi and Yoshiki by the arms and they don’t scream or anything. They just go with it, bugs coming out of their mouths and everything. He dumps them in a pond of oil.

15 more minutes later...

Iggy: Now you smell like oil. It’s better. Trust me.

Anyways, he drags the corpses out of the room.

Writer: Room? What the &*%?

The big tunnel then.

Writer: Die plot!

Anywho, back to the story

He drags the corpses out of the tunnel. He drags him up to the huge Sector 3 pillar.

Iggy: Cool!

Iggy looks up the huge 30 or so foot pillar. He can see Larry and Toad at the top. Then he sees Larry fly over the edge.

Iggy: Look! Larry's skydiving!

Larry smashes into the ground.

SPLAT!

Iggy: Uh!

Iggy rolls over Larry's dead blood-caking body. He steals two Phoenix Downs. Iggy immediately uses them on Yoshiki and Cammi. (Note: Phoenix down’s are like Pick Me Up’s in Mario RPG. They allow to revive a person, AKA, bring htem back to life)

Cammi: Oh thank goodness! I had the most horrible dream that some pervert was taking me on an adventure and-

Iggy: Hey baby, I want some sweet.

Cammi: Aw $%$#%#6!

Meanwhile, on the top of the tower...

Toad: Die! Die! Die! Gore! Gore, blood, gore! Hahaha!

Toad fires at a helicopter atop the tower.

Iggy: Hey Toad! Look at me! Let me distract you!

Toad: Huh?

Sniper: Dude, guy with a gun for a arm. Do you have the time?

Toad: Die!

Iggy: That's what this is about. Hey, we never mentioned your gun arm before either.

Cammi: It’s amazing Iggy can take part in a conversation when both characters are extremely far from each other.

Yoshiki: Yup!

Yoshiki, Cammi, and Iggy run up to the stairs to the top. They go up a few levels and they reach Toadstool.

Toadstool: Aw crud, I ripped my dress.

Iggy: Oh really?!

Toadstool: Yes! Geez!

Toadstool coughs up a bunch of yellow gray stuff.

Toadstool: Shoot!

Iggy is very tempted to hock a big one as he begins to scale the tower. Toad is winning the battle... sorta.

Sniper: Geesh, this isn't working!

Pilot: Hey, quit it over there! I am trying to get some sleep! Whoops.

The helicopter spins and hits the pillar. The pillar falls but amazingly the section above Sector 3 stays up. The pillar lands on Larry’s body.

Iggy: Well…

Then the screen becomes scrambled. The section is staying up because it wasn’t meant to fall until the bomb exploded, so only the pillar sprite was missing. The screen scrambles some more and then the screen loads back with no pillar. However, now the controls are scrambled.

Player: Ah ()&^, my controller’s messed up!

Iggy tries to run up the stairs but keeps going the wrong way. It continuously loads the menu screen and pauses the game.

Player: I hate this game!

After a few minutes the player gets used to the new controls and goes up the stairs with ease. Iggy makes it halfway when he hears some strange music in the background.

Another helicopter comes flying in out of the background.

Iggy: What's the deal with helicopters? Is it the only form of transport in this game?

Toad: &(*%!

The door opens and Nick of the Jurk’s comes out. The helicopter takes off but smashes into the invisible pillar sprite.

Nick: Ah, anywho, now all there is to do is press the button!

Toad: Hey! Not if I can help it!

Toad: Ah &*(%! Where is everyone else?

Faint Voice: Far away….

Toad: Ah crud….

Nick puts his tazer in Toad’s mouth and zaps him. Toad’s left hand explodes from too much energy pulsing through his body.

Toad: Ah! That’s definitely gonna effect the outcome of this battle.

Nick merely walks across Toad in his now helpless state as Iggy draws closer. Nick plants some explosives and presses the detonate button just as Iggy gets up there.

Nick: Whoops.

Suddenly a bunch of explosions occur in mid-air where the pillar should have been.

Iggy: Hey, I forgot something.

Faint Voice: Iggy! Arg! You!

Iggy: Anyways…

Nick: Gotta split!

A helicopter come up to Nick and he jumps on. Just as that helicopter leaves another one comes up with Cammi on the side.

Cammi: Later Iggy! I'm going to Disney World! Or at least that's what these goons said.

Pilot: Shudup!

Then another guy opened the door.

Guy: We’re taking her to Smash’s place in the middle of Zildjar, now lemme lone!

It flies away.

Iggy: Well, that was... strange.

Toad: It’s gonna fall!

Toad grabs on to a rope at the edge of the top of the stairs.

Toad: See ya’!

Toad flies off just as the section falls off.

Meanwhile, with the Rock…

The Rock: The Rock is watching TV.

Newscaster: This just in, the section above sector 3 is supposed to break sometime today!

The Rock: Whatever Jabberoni, the Rock says it’s safe in Sector 3, do you smell what the Ro-

BOOOOM!

Back with Iggy…

Iggy: Well, I'm screwed.

Anyways, Iggy somehow is given time to escape.

Iggy: What? It already fell. What the @%#@%@%?

Errr, yeah, well anyways.. Iggy trips off the side and lands on Yoshiki.

Iggy: Thank goodness you broke my fall.

Yoshiki: Thank goodness you broke my leg!

Later... Yoshiki is put on the slide. Toad is in front of the entrance to the Sector 3 slims. It is blocked and had been destroyed.

Toad: Toadstool... Larry... Daisy...

Iggy: And don't forget Dinogirl!

Toad: Don't try to cheer me up foo! That may be good but this is not the time. Iggy and Toad hang their heads

Toad: NOOOOOO! G-#%#$%#$it! G-$%#$^%#$^ it!

Yoshiki: Wait! About Dinogirl...

Toad: Oh, yeah. Toad does his trademark happy jig.

Yoshiki: She's safe, she wasn't in the slims when it fell.

Dinogirl walks on screen.

Toad: Aw, #%#^%#$it! Just when something good happened it gets ruined.

Iggy: What about Cammi? Do you think we should get her.

Toad: I guess, we are almost out of women!

Buzzy Beetle: Hey gang.

Everybody looks to see the Buzzy Beetle still on its back. Then some old school Mario music plays again.

Buzzy Beetle: I’m hungry.

Everyone laughs happily and the screen fades out.

The credits scroll.

Cloud Strife- Iggy Koopa

Aeris- Cammi

Barret- Toad

Iggy: What the &^)? It’s not over yet!

Plot: What? C’mon, I’m all worn ou

Iggy: No!

Plot: Yes!

Iggy: No! Iggy throws a rock at the plot.

Plot: Fine!

The screen fades back. Toad is crying because Dinogirl survived.

Dinogirl: I'm hungry.

Toad: Go eat the Buzzy Beetle.

Go read part 4.

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