Iggy: Now for a fresh hearty breakfast…

Iggy pulls out a bag of pure cane sugar from his pack.

Sephiroth: Idiot! We have no time for food!

Iggy leaves the hotel, avoiding getting his head chopped off, and then runs into a random house.

Iggy's Mom: Iggy!

Iggy: Uh oh…

Iggy’s Mom: Where have you been?! I’ve been looking all over for you! I had posted these posters all over town.

YOUNG KOOPA WANTED, ANSWERS TO THE NAME OF IGGY, WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE, PREFERABLY DEAD.

Iggy: Hey! Why did you put preferably dead?

Iggy’s Mom: I don’t know, I was stoned! And just in case you were wondering, I always got stoned when I was pregnant with you.

Iggy: Hey!

Iggy’s Mom: Geez, I don’t know what I was thinking, I would stick the syringe right through my bellybutton….

Iggy: Well, I wanna get stoned now! Aw, geesh, it’s just like those TV commercials where they remind you of food and they make you hungry! Arrrrrgh!

Sephiroth: Get over here Iggy!

Iggy: Aww…

Iggy's Mom: Hey, come back here! Tou still owe me for collage fees!

Iggy leaves quickly.

Anyways...

The yellow Yoshi was standing next to the two troops.

Sephiroth: Iggy, meet Yoshiki, she’s the trail girl that’s coming to help us.

Yoshiki: And then the priest says... Oh, hello.

Iggy: Hey you! I know you, I joined this d&^% army to get away from you!

Yoshiki: Who the heck are you?

Iggy: What?! You dumb woman!

Iggy begins attacking Yoshiki until he is easily pulled off.

Yoshiki: Who the heck is that guy who attacked me?!

Iggy: Stupid!

Iggy lunges but is then handcuffed and pushed to the ground.

Sephiroth: I’ll take care of him, just lead the way woman.

Yoshiki: Lemme take a picture first!

Sephiroth: Wa-

CLICK

Sephiroth: My eyes! Noo! I’m blind!

Sephiroth’s irises are whited out.

Sephiroth: Oh my god! My career is slashed! You’re all gonna die!

Iggy: Fudge.

Yoshiki: Ok, now to get to the reactor, follow me!

Sephiroth: You toying with me woman?! I’ll kill your dad or something hurtful!

Everyone walks off and Sephiroth walks off smashing into trees, bushes, and other such stuff. Then they come to some really twisty and winding mountain side,frot with monsters and peril and people trying to hand out AOL trial disks.

Yoshiki: Okay Iggy, you and Seph lead the way even though I am supposed to be the guide.

Iggy: Bu-

Yoshiki: I don't really have any knowledge of the mountain so you'll just have to do all the work.

Iggy grabs Sephiroth, who is still stumbling around blindly holding his face in pain, and drags him along by the scruff of his suit. The group follows until they come to a bridge.

Yoshiki: The reactor should be on the other side of this mountain, so let's take this rickety old out-of-maintenance bridge rather then that metal sturdy one that leads to a short cut not one foot away.

They all nod in total agreement. Suddenly a mutant AOL employee hops out of the bushes as soon as they walk on the old bridge.

Iggy: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Employee: Hey buddy, wanna try AOL for free? 500 hours!! Come on! Take the disk!

Yoshiki: Don't listen to him, its a trap!

With its plans failed the monster throws his disk at them as they reel to one side to avoid it, but it slams into the rope securing the bridge to the ground and it begins to tip.

Iggy: AHHHHH! DO SOMETHING!!!

One of the troops shoots the AOL guy and he falls to the ground in a heap.

Iggy: WOOHOO!

Sephiroth:  I can't see!

Sephiroth stumbles into the other rope with his sword in hand, cutting it. The whole bridge falls over and etc. etc. etc.

Iggy: Ow.

Sephiroth: Well, at least I can see again.

The three tread back up the mountain from another path. Ten minutes later they arrive at the reactor.

Iggy: Ok Yoshiki, you stay back because you are small and frail.

Yoshiki: No!

Iggy takes out a gun and shoots Yoshiki’s leg.

Yoshiki: Ahhh!

Yoshiki falls over. Iggy and Sephiroth walk in.

Iggy: Ok, what do we do now?

Sephiroth: I forgot.

Iggy: How about if we play tag?

Sephiroth: Cool!

Sephiroth tags Iggy.

Sephiroth: You're it!

Sephiroth runs off.

Iggy: Fiddlesticks!

Iggy chases after him. He almost catches him but he trips and cracks his tooth open. Blood gushes. He gets back up and the game ensues. Soon Sephiroth runs into a room with a bunch of egg-shaped holding cases. Humansize.

Sephiroth: Hey…

Sephiroth notices a sign over a door that says "Jenova" Then Iggy runs in and smashes into one of the eggs.

CLANG

Iggy’s head cracks open and his brain slops out of his skull.

Iggy: Oh….

Iggy pulls a layer of skin off to reveal a mechanical arm. He presses a few buttons and it beeps.

Iggy: When you play with fire you’re gonna get burned.

Sephiroths eyes widen as the beeps get closer until BAM! Iggy’s eyes turn red and he self-destructs.

Back in DizzyVille…

Yoshiki: Iggy! Stop it!

Iggy: That’s what happened!

Toad: &*^&*% I’ll kill you now!

Iggy: Aw fine, if you wanna hear the dull "truth"...

Ok I was in Las Vegas and-

Yoshiki: IGGY!

Iggy: Fine!

Back in CarWashVille…

Iggy runs into the room but this time trips over some air and lands on the stairs. Looking up, he can see Sephiroth starring at one of the eggs. Iggy stumbles upwards and walks over to him. He is starring at the name above the egg... imprinted. He can't take his eyes off it.

Iggy: What are these?

Sephiroth: The Smash army used to use takeover energy to make stronger warriors...  because this stuff is made from the Earth itself and baby whale fat it was used to soak its warriors in... it made them stronger... it horribly mutated them into hideous monsters... with... with…

Iggy looks into a pod and seesa freakish monster that looked like a clerk at the DMV.

Iggy: AHHHH!

Sephiroth: Also... they used the cells of Jenova in them with it... bu…

Iggy: Wasn't that the name of your mother?

Sephiroth looks in disgrace as he comes to that conclusion. He finally realized the truth.

Sephiroth: No.... It can't be! No, it can't! No! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Back in DizzyVille…

Iggy: Sephiroth found out he was related to Jay Leno.

Yoshiki: IGGY! Stop it!

Back to the story…

Iggy runs out because he is freaked and Sephiroth proceeds up the stairs. Iggy goes outside to find Yoshiki but she isn't there. There are blood marks leading inside.

Iggy: I dunno why I didn’t see that on the way out… Oh well, let's light on up.

Iggy sits down and smokes a joint. Yoshiki and Sephiroth walk out. They go back. For days and days Sephiroth was in the town mansion. He never came out. Every day, all day and night, all you could hear was disco. Lights flashed all over the window and a bunch of smoke came out of the chimney. One time the second level fell over. There was an old man on the toilet and it was funny. Anyway, soon Iggy decides to go in and see what the deal is. By then all the disco lights had lowered morals and had begun to reduce the town to gravel. Some people unaffected by the music’s evil hypnotic powers tried to pry the buildings up with some loose cardboard and staples.

Townsman: Hey! Help us get these people out of the houses! PLEASE!

Iggy ignores the cries for help and enters the large mansion with the "Trespassers will be horribly mutated" warning sign on it. He loots the mansion and gets a lot of valuable items. Then he sets the kitchen on fire when he tries to make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Then he falls through the floor boards and lands in the basement into a library, crashing over tons of bookshelves which all fall atop Sephiroth, who is standing under them.

Iggy: Books! Reading! Knowledge! DEMONS! BACK!

Iggy crosses his fingers and tries to back out of the room. Sephiroth isn't moving.

Iggy: Erm…

Player: Did I win?

Sephiroth climbs out of the rubble.

Sephiroth: Ah crud, and I had that all sorted out! Man! You! I’ll burn this place up!

Iggy: Hahaha, right, you don’t even have a lighter.

Sephiroth: Oh yeah… erm….  Well, I might as well tell you my devious and bewildering plot before I kill you like most super villains.

Iggy: Wait, just kill me now.

Sephiroth: These... these... books! Records of the Smashes research for the knowledge of ultimate warriors and how to brew the perfect cup of coffee... all brought horrible disfiguring mistakes.

Iggy: Whatever, bye.

Sephiroth: Dude! Listen! Jeez!

Iggy: It’s getting hot in here… the kitchen! It was on fire!

Sephiroth: The whole mansion is probably up in flames by now! The whole town!

Iggy: I’m gonna blame this on you too!

Sephiroth: What?! Hey!

Iggy runs up the stairs.

Sephiroth: This is so unfair!

Sephiroth begins to cry.

Iggy tries to get back up through the hole he fell through, ignoring the stairway with the large green
letters "Exit" hanging above it. When he finally gets out the whole town is on fire and Sephiroth is running
around killing innocent victims.

Sephiroth: Errrr!

Iggy: Umm…

Sephiroth walks through the flames in a cool FMV and walks off.

Iggy: Crud.

Ten minutes later….

Iggy runs up to the Makeover Reactor.

Iggy: Man, if he isn’t here I’m quitting.

Iggy finishes his Chicken McNuggets and runs in. He catches Yoshiki there crying over some dead guy.

Yoshiki: Sephiroth!

Yoshiki runs into the room like crazy.

Iggy: Err…. Wow that running sure was crazy, and I have no idea why.

Iggy looks down at the dead body, searches for a wallet, and five minutes later comes into the main room. When Iggy walks into the main room with all the eggs Sephiroth is grasping his sword in a loose grip as he stares downward, chuckling to himself.

Sephiroth: Heh... Heh... Heheheh... Ehhhhehhhehehhh... hehehhheeehehhehehehehhhh *Snort snort* Cah ha ha ha ha ha ha! ih heh heh he bwanhahaahahahahhaahahahaahhaahh *cough cough* *hack*

Sephiroth spits out a loogie, trying to regain his awareness. Yoshiki screams and runs at Sephiroth, up the stairs. Sephiroth swings his sword in slow motion, while Yoshiki is still walking at normal pace. When she gets to the top Sephiroth's still swinging the sword slowly at her. Iggy looks down at his watch, wondering how long it's gonna take Sephiroth to kill her.

Iggy: Forget this.

Iggy hits Yoshiki in the head with a rock and she rolls down the steps. She falls with a clang and a bleeding head. Iggy pockets her wallet and Sephiroth walks into the Jenova room. Iggy follows. Sephiroth grabs the door to a chained and barred refrigerator.

Sephiroth: Mother...

He pulls it out as hard as he can but to no avail. He slashes at the fridge in rage, knocking off some magnets with computer-placed ads on them. Iggy just gawks as Sephiroth goes into a total fit of rage until he jiggles the handle and the door swings open. Inside, as mist and smoke and methane pours out, is what looked to be a woman’s head with all sorts of metal robot thingies on her. Sephiroth pulled this head out, cutting off all the wires leading to her for life support.

Sephiroth: Whoops.

Iggy: Er, hey, you can’t do that.

Sephiroth: Why not?

Iggy: I dunno, but… well…

Sephiroth: You pathetic fool, you want to fight for it?

Iggy: Yeah, sure.

Sephiroth pulls out his Masamune blade and Iggy pulls out a gun.

Sephiroth: Hey!

Iggy: Last words?

Sephiroth: I sure do love my morning cup of coffee.

BAM!

Back in DizzyVille…

Toad: So you killed Sephiroth.

Iggy: No, I forgot what happened.

Yoshiki: (&)(&! Don’t mess with us like that!

Cammi: Well now what?

Iggy: Follow Sephy I guess.

Yoshiki: Where is he going?

Iggy: I dunno, but we might as well catch a Chocobo and do something dangerous.

Toad: Or do the dangerous part first recklessly, with out the aid of "CHOCOBOS".

They all think about this for quite a while.

Idiot: What are chickiboos? Or whatever.

Toad: Like human-sized chickens we ride on.

Iggy: Get outta here!

Iggy throws a rock at the moron and he falls down a bunch of stairs, bumping his head.

Iggy: Ok, let’s do it, but where to?

Toad: Let’s just follow the sun!

So they set off without a second thought. After about six hours of walking after noon they are now walking in the opposite direction because of the Earth’s rotation and find themselves back at the town they started from.

Iggy: We made it!

Yoshiki: This is the same town!

Toad: Shoot!

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