Natural Laws’ Flip

By Lemmy Koopa

The Koopas are in another meeting. Sorta boring really, minus the fact that all the colors are messed up and the table doesn’t seem to have any legs, and the chairs keep fading in and out. Ah well, who needs any of that anyway?

Bowser: This meeting will come to order! We are here to discuss how to beat Mario.

Roy: I hate Mario so much!

Larry: We all do, nimrod! Hey, where’s Lemmy?

Bowser: Lemmy is too stupid to come.

Iggy (in Wendy’s voice): Whatever.

Bowser: Ludwig, have any ideas on what we can do? I don’t have a clue.

Ludwig: Blahblah invention lagablahdiblah brain analyzer dumdeedumdadee Mario is pathetic yadaliblahdli kill Mario itsybitsyspiderybulmblah ultimate discovery.

Bowser: That seemed like a pretty good idea. Does anybody else have one?

Peach: I love you, Luigi!

Morton: I think we should just dig a really big hole! You know how stupid Mario is! He’ll come walking along like he always does, you know, with that really weird gait and humming some stupid tune and not looking where he’s going, and then he’ll fall in. Now the trick is that we have to dig it really deep so that Mario never lands and this way he’ll die, though I’m not sure what the official cause of death would be but you know that is not our job. Luigi will be too smart to fall in, but everyone likes Luigi, and anyway he is too tough to beat because he is so smart and strong, but once we take care of Mario and that shrimpy Toad we’ll be able to join up with him and take over. This will be the Koopas’ moment of triumph and Luigi’s too!

There is pain. Later…

Lemmy: Spz… I think Ludwig’s idea was better.

Wendy: Yeah, that idea was pretty good, almost as pretty as me!

Ludwig: Pzgomehblahdeblag genius ladidadeeladidadee grand finale!

Bowser: All right, let’s do Ludwig’s plan. Roy, can you beat up Mario?

Iggy: I can do it!

Larry: I’m sorta useless here.

Bowser: That’s ok. I’ll send all my Koopalings except Larry to ransack the castle, but make sure you don’t hurt Luigi.

Lemmy: Ugh, it’s raining!

Voice: Goo goo, ga ga!

The Koopas leave the room. Then Iggy and Ludwig go to the castle, and Mario is outside.

Ludwig: Blahblahbablah omnipotent gahblahdeeblah imminent.

Mario: I’m nowhere near as good as Luigi!

Iggy: I will beat you, Mario!

Iggy punches Mario, who dies and disappears.

Iggy: I hope Luigi doesn’t show up!

Luigi: Never fear, Luigi is here!

Luigi falls from the sky and is larger than the castle.

Bowser: Help me! I give up!

Luigi: I will save the day!

Luigi squishes Bowser and Roy, and then Morton and Larry run away.

Yoshi: Luigi best since slice bread!

Peach: My hero!

Peach gives Luigi a big kiss. Suddenly Luigi is in a church getting married, except there are no viewers.

Clergy Member: Do you take Luigi to be your loving husband?

???: Yeah!

Clergy Member: And do you, Luigi, take Wendy to be your wife?

Luigi: Yeah… huh?

Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife!

Luigi sees that he has just been married to Wendy, who is wearing her crown for winning the beauty pageant, which she won because Judge Wart deemed her prettier than Peach, and Luigi, the hero, must marry the prettiest.

Wendy: Give me a kiss!

Luigi: Ahh!

Luigi sits up in bed.

Luigi: Phew! It was only a dream!

Smithy (lying next to Luigi): Oh, I wouldn’t say that.

Luigi: Ahh!

Luigi wakes up in a cardboard box. Then Mario walks in through the wall.

Luigi: Ahh!

Baby Luigi wakes up in his crib and starts crying. His mom walks over.

Mom: There there, don’t cry. I’ll make sure nothing bad ever happens to you.

Baby Mario: Goo?

Baby Luigi: Wah!

The End

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