Pukemon: The Elusive Mewd

By Golden Road

(Author's Note: Mewd is not a Pukamon or Pokemon, or anything like that. He is a Zonian cat-like alien. Mewd has given his seal of approval for this story.)

Ugh! I thought this show was cancelled after the first episode! I have no idea why the show came back on the air... hopefully they'll just cancel it again. Anyway, in our last episode, Peach had stolen-

Peach: You mean won.

I mean won the grass badge. Eh, yeah. She is currently on her way to Flurry Stadium to try to win the ice badge.

Lemmy: I hope you buy me that doomship in this episode.

Peach: Not likely.

Lemmy: I hate you.

Meanwhile, Team Wendy is hiding in a cloud following Peach and Lemmy. Morton's holding onto Bullet Bill.

Wendy: This time, we're going to steal all of Peach's badges.

Bullet Bill: WHY?! She only has one badge!

Wendy: So? We have none.

Bullet Bill: So why don't we steal from-


Wendy, Morton, and Bullet Bill all fall out of the cloud and hit the ground. CRASH!

Bullet Bill: Why, oh why, must she always shout the episode title in the middle of a conversation?

Lemmy: What was that?!

Peach: Who cares?

Lemmy: I think Team Wendy is following us.

Morton: We are not following you, we're just heading in the same direction as you, which is totally coincidental, and we're going to the same place as you, which we don't know where it is yet, but it's the exact same place we wanted to go.

Bullet Bill: You've GOT to learn to shut up, Morton.

Peach: Lemmy, you have such an active imagination.

Lemmy: Didn't you hear them?! And just turn around, they're right behind us.

Peach: Don't worry about that, Lemmy, it's only your shadow.

Lemmy: I hate you.

Lemmy and Peach continue forward until they enter the woods, and are hopelessly lost.

Lemmy: Peach, I think we're hopelessly lost.

Peach: Must you always listen to the narrator? I doubt he knows what he's talking about.

I do too know you're lost.

Lemmy: Sorry Peach, but I believe him. I guess we're probably going to find that elusive Mewd in this forest.

Peach: What? What are you talking about? What's a Mewd?

Lemmy: Uh, you shouted "The Elusive Mewd" earlier in the episode for no apparent reason.

Peach: No I didn't.

Lemmy: Fine then, you didn't. I'm going crazy. I'm just hearing things.

Peach: Don't worry, Lemmy. I'm using your credit card to get a doctor for you.

Lemmy: Did I ever say how much I hate you?

Peach: I think that's the first time.

Goomba: I am a talking Goomba.

Peach: ACK! What's that?

Lemmy: An in-joke.

Peach: Not that, I mean, what kind of Pukamon is that?

Lemmy: It just said it's a talking Goomba. I assume it's a talking Goomba.

Peach: I dunno, Lemmy... I'd ask Pukie what it is, but he doesn't talk to me anymore.

Lemmy: That's because you broke it in two, remember?

Peach: I thought that would make him twice as smart.

Lemmy: GAH!

Lemmy hits Peach with a mallet.

Peach: Again!

Lemmy: Peach, I'm gonna- wait! What's that?

Peach and Lemmy see Mewd come out from behind a tree.

Mewd: Have either of you two seen Dr. Seuss? He was supposed to meet me here.


Peach: Muncher, I choose you!

The Muncher comes out it's Pukaball and does nothing.

Mewd: That plant of yours is pretty cute. Do you know where I can buy one?

Peach: Why is my Muncher so disobedient? It never does what I tell it to do.

Lemmy: Peach, not only do Munchers do nothing, you didn't even tell it to do anything yet!

Peach: Oh yeah... Muncher, kill. Kill! KILL!

Mewd: Hey, your little trick worked. A fly went into its mouth.

Peach: Oh forget it, I'm just using my Pukaball now.

Peach throws the Pukaball at Mewd, but nothing happens.

Mewd: Ow, that hurt you know.

Peach: Why isn't the Pukaball doing anything?

Lemmy: Because Mewd isn't a Pukamon. It's a cat-like alien creature from the planet-

Peach: I don't care, I want it!

Mewd: AUGH!

Peach lunges at Mewd and tries to shove him into the Pukaball.

Peach: Lemmy, I could use your help here.

Lemmy: But Mewd's not a Pukamon. I'm not going to help you capture a creature that's not really a Pukamon.

Peach: I have this nice, crisp five dollar bill...

Lemmy rushes toward the ball and rams Mewd into it.

Peach: Yay! I caught a Mewd

!Lemmy: You did it, Peach!

Peach: And I did it all by myself, you lazy pile of bones! You wouldn't even help me shove it in.

Lemmy: Actually, I shoved it in completely. At least I got five bucks out of it.

Peach: Don't count on it. It was Monopoly money.

Lemmy: If I've said it once, I've said it three times- I HATE YOU!

Mewd: Could you let me out of this thing? Unlike Pukamon, I don't turn into energy in one of these things. I'm having trouble breathing.

Peach: Don't worry Mewd. Officer Jenny isn't a real Pukamon either, and we've had her in our Pukaball for six weeks now.

Lemmy: And let's not forget she died five weeks ago.

Peach: Well, she was getting old anyway. Old people die.

Lemmy: She was 26.

Peach: Well, we have the ultimate Pukamon now! We have the Mewd!

Mewd: Actually, I'm a cat-like alien-

Peach: Shut up already, Mewd. You'll run out of air faster.

Mewd gulps.

Peach: Now, we need to find a really, really strong Pukamon to test our Mewd out on.

Lemmy: Hey, how about that Smashamon that Larry has?

Peach: Sounds good, let's go there!

Team Wendy is hiding in a nearby traffic light, Wendy in the green, Morton in the yellow, and Bullet Bill in the red. Wendy and Morton open their light coverings as if they were doors.

Wendy: You hear that? Peach caught the elusive Mewd!

Morton: I can't wait to get my hands on it. It'll be so exciting catching the rarest Pukamon in the world, the Mewd! I hear that those things can carry weapons that are way way way way way too big for it, but it doesn't
even drop the weapons.

Wendy: Lovely, Morton.

Bullet Bill opens his light covering and immediately shoots out until it hits a car windshield.

Bullet Bill: Owuh... I hate not being able to stand still.

Wendy: Well don't worry about that because we're about to catch ourselves a Mewd!

Bullet Bill: But Mewd isn't a Pukamon. Why would you want to catch him?

Wendy: Well, he looks like a Pukamon. That's good enough for me.

While Team Wendy was talking too much, Peach had reached Larry, who has a Smashamon.

Peach: Hello, Larry.

Larry: Hello, new man.

Peach: I'm a woman, you idiot!

Larry: Then shave your moustache! That thing is nasty!

Peach: Never mind that! I've come to battle!

Larry: Ok. Shy Guy, I choose you!

Shy Guy: Shy Guy!

Peach: No no no, Larry. I didn't want to fight Shy Guy. I wanted to battle against your Smashamon.

Larry: You?! There's no way your Pukamon could survive. That thing's way too tough for a beginner!

Peach: Well, I've got a surprise for you- THIS!

Peach opens her Pukaball, and a dead Officer Jenny falls out.

Peach: Oops... hehe... wrong one. I meant to show you THIS!

Peach opens another Pukaball, and a dead Tweeter falls out.

Larry: Do you have any Pukamon that AREN'T dead?

Lemmy: Just a Muncher.

Peach: Which one is it? Third time's the charm...

Peach opens a third Pukaball, which contains nothing.

Peach: Darn it! Which one is my Mewd in?!

Lemmy: Did you try the one that's screaming to be let out of its Pukaball?

Peach: Good idea!

Peach opens another Pukaball, and Mewd comes out.

Larry: Uh, Peach? That's not a Pukamon.

Peach: It is too.

Larry: No, it's a Zonian cat-like alien.

Mewd: Listen to the guy. He's talking sense.

Peach pulls a gun to Larry.

Larry: Uh... what is that for? Let's not do anything we'll regret later...

Peach: I want to battle your Smashamon. NOW!

Larry: Ok, ok. I'd rather that Mewd die than me. Smashamon, I choose you!

Smashamon: Smash!

Peach: Mewd, psychic attack!

Mewd: What? I don't know any psychic attacks. I'm not a Pukamon, once and for all!

Larry: Smashamon, fire breath!

The Smashamon burns Mewd to a crisp.

Peach: Mewd, psychic attack!

Mewd: I already told you lady, I don't know any psychic attacks!

Larry: Smashamon, golden glow!

The Smashamon pulls out a light bulb, turns it on, then puts it directly in front of Mewd's eyes while forcing his eyelids to remain open.

Mewd: I can't stand this!

Peach: Mewd, psychic attack!

Mewd: Once and for all, I don't-

Larry: Smashamon, turpentine!

Mewd: What the-

The Smashamon pours turpentine all over Mewd, and Mewd dissolves away.

Peach: Eww! My Mewd's all liquidy. Mewd, try the psychic attack again.

Puddle Mewd: No! I'm using my oversized bazooka.

BOOM! Mewd goes flying toward the other side of the Earth, while Smashamon goes back a couple of feet.

Peach: Where did Mewd go?

Larry: He's fallen toward the center of the planet. Now you lost him, Peach. Nya!

Peach throws a tantrum, causing Lemmy and Larry to nearly go deaf. But then some visitors arrive...

Wendy: Prepare for-

Bullet Bill: (in a cannon) I'm not embarrassing myself this time. I'm blasting off right now!


Bullet Bill: Looks like the only smart member of Team Wendy is blasting off early!

Announcer: Nabisco!


Peach: Oh no! It's Team Wendy!

Lemmy: I told you they were following us.

Wendy: Can we get on with our motto already?

Peach: Ooh... sorry. Go ahead. I'll be quiet.

Wendy: Prepare for Koopas!

Morton: Make that Dooblas.

Wendy: To protect the world from Fat Mario.

Morton: To play the game Fighters Aero.

Wendy: To denounce the evils of Toad and Peach.

Morton: To reach for that within our reach.

Wendy: Wendy!

Morton: Morton!

Wendy: Team Wendy blast off at the speed of zoom!

Morton: Surrender? No way! You are very-

Larry: Wow! You're team Koopa? You know, I always root for you on the TV show!


Larry: Sorry, maybe I won't root for you guys anymore.

Morton: What do you mean you always rooted for us? There's only been one Pukamon episode thus far, except now with this episode, there are going to be two Pukamon episodes, but chances are there isn't even going to be a third episode. This author just thought it would be cute to use Mewd as some sort
of Pokemon, so he used his Pukamon story to pull it off, and quite stupidly I might add.

Larry: You are all weirdos.

Wendy: Anyway, now that we're here, hand it over.

Larry: Smashamon, I'm sorry it had to end like this. You've always been my-

Wendy: Not you, idiot. Peach. As the show's villains, we are only interested in stealing from the star of the show, and no one else. Now hand it over.

Peach: I'm so sorry Muncher. You've always been my-

Wendy: Not Muncher, you idiot! Hand over the Mewd!

Peach: Sorry, but he's fallen into that hole and is now somewhere in the center of the planet.

Wendy and Morton: AUGH!

Wendy and Morton jump down the hole.

Wendy and Morton: Looks like Team Wendy's falling down a hole again!

Announcer: Nabisco!


Larry: Does Nabisco sponsor this show or something?

Lemmy: No, it's just legally required to say "Nabisco" before any and all pings.

Peach: You know, I lost my Mewd. LEMMY, I LOST MY MEWD!

Lemmy: Sorry Peach, but I'm sure we ca- AAUUGGHH!

Peach had thrown Lemmy into the hole in the ground.

Peach: I guess I'll need to find more Pukamon.

So Peach walks away in search of new Pukamon. Morton and Wendy both survived the fall and are back to stealing Pukamon. Mewd survived the fall and is back in Lemmy's Land's slave room, writing stories for table scraps. Lemmy also survived, and is forcing Mewd to work for him nonstop in Lemmy's Land. What will Peach do in the next episode? Probably nothing; we didn't even know there would be a SECOND episode! Don't count on a third. Really.  We're warning you now- DON'T!

The End

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