If You Wish Upon a Starship


Chapter 1: Failed Test

Captain's Log: Supplemental. We have almost perfected Transwarp drive in the newly designed Excelsior-class U.S.S. Ajax, NX-4592. We will begin testing around 1600 hours near the Argali Star-Cluster. If there is one thing that scares me, it is the fact that Transwarp is inter-dimensional, to break the Transwarp barrier. Things could go horribly wrong in the wrong conditions.

Stardate 23045.31
Spacedock, U.S.S. Ajax 1200 hours...

“U.S.S. Ajax, you are cleared for launch, maintain heading 042 for spacedoors at one-quarter impulse,” said an emanating voice from an overhead speaker grill.

“Affirmative, Spacedock control, maintaining heading 042, one-quarter impulse. Ajax out," replied George Takei, the ship's helmsman.

“Bridge to engineering, captain here,” said Captain Jensen into the comm. “How long until Transwarp drive is finished?”

“Ten minutes at least. I’m still disconnecting the dilithium chamber. This ship was built for standard warp capabilities you know,” replied a familiar Scottish accent.

“Good Mr. Scott, I’m glad you took a break from the Enterprise B construction to help us with this little mess.”

“Well lad, you literally had to tear me away from the Enterprise to get me over here. But I think this ship and her drive have a wee-o bit more power to them. Nice to make new tastes, don’t ya think?”

“Indeed I do Scotty, indeed I do. When we get back, give my regards to Captain Kirk.”

“Aye sir.”

“Bridge out.”

1558 hours, testing site...

“Helmsman, heading 350, warp factor 9.2,” said the Captain to Takei.

“Aye sir, heading 350, increasing to warp factor 9.2,” replied the helmsman.

“Engineering, activate Transwarp now,” said the captain.

“Aye sir, activating Transwarp now,” replied engineering.

“Sir, wait, NO! Incoming gravimetric wave from a Super Nova; 40,000 kilometers away and closing rapidly!” yelled Pauline DeWitt, the ship's experienced science officer.

“What?! How? Why didn’t long-range sensors detect it?” yelled back the captain.

“Unknown sir, 3000 kilometers, impact in ten seconds!”

“ALL HANDS BRACE FOR IMPACT!” yelled Jensen into the comm.


“Engineering, shut down Transwarp!” exclaimed the captain into the intercom.





“Too late captain, the navigation is locked in. Transwarp is activating in four seconds!” shouted Scotty.

“3, 2, 1, IMPACT!” screamed Pauline.

As the ship engaged Transwarp and blue light enveloped them, the wave hit them with extraordinary force, sending them spinning off with the warp nacelles flickering with energy and the normal blue light. It disappeared, then reappeared flying towards a blue planet.

“Inertia dampens offline!” yelled Takei.

“We're venting plasma!” yelled Pauline, barely holding on to her console.

“Where are we?!” yelled the captain.

“Apparently, here sir,” Pauline said as a console behind her exploded. “We are heading towards an M class planet, towards a dense population of the largest continent.”

“Warp capable?” asked the captain as another console exploded in sparks and a bulkhead fell from the ceiling next to him.

“Not even close. Entering upper atmosphere!”

Koopa Keep, night...

“What are you doing, Ludwig? It's cold out,” said Wendy, as her brother looked into the sky.

“I think I might have discovered a new comet, bright too!” replied Ludwig.

“Really? Oh, I can see it too. And it’s getting larger!” Wendy exclaimed.

Wendy couldn’t be any more exact. It was getting larger; little did she know that an object she had never witnessed before was literally going to fall from the sky. Ludwig looked at her gaze and quickly adjusted his eyes, and noticed a blue stream of plasma following the object as it got larger at an extremely high rate of speed. He finally put 2 and 2 together.

“You're right! Get inside now!” Ludwig roared as he grabbed Wendy and ran inside, heading towards the throne room.

Back aboard the U.S.S. Ajax’s bridge...

“Five seconds to impact!” yelled the helmsman.

“Use thrusters to slow our decent!” replied the captain.

“Too late, helm's fried, HOLD ON!” replied Takei.

As soon as those words were uttered, the U.S.S. Ajax slammed into the ground, sliding and ripping off pieces of the hull. Panels exploded inside the bridge and bulkhead collapsed. A nacelle ruptured as it hit a boulder, the explosion sending the ship over a small cliff as the saucer section slammed into the ground.

Just as this was happening, Wendy and Ludwig arrived in the throne room to notice Bowser, Clawdia, and the rest of the Koopalings devising their next plan against the plumbers.

“To the PIT with our doomships! They're useless, we need a weapon! I wish Kamek would just make one FALL FROM THE SKY!” Bowser roared in anger at having his latest plan thwarted, but once he said it, the shockwave hit the Keep, throwing people against the wall and shattering the biggest of windows.

“Dad, it came from outside!” screamed Wendy.

“Let's take a look. You’d better be right, Wendy,” replied King Koopa

Bowser and his entire family marched up the stairs, into the library, and onto the balcony where Ludwig first saw the object. Once there. they all just stared at the new addition to their kingdom, totally mesmerized at what the Ajax actually was and what it was doing on Bowser’s front lawn.

The hulked Ajax lay there, on its belly, facing the dirt. Its nacelles were barely aglow and flickering, lights and decks flickering with their usual white-fluorescent light. One light remained on, proudly shining on the name:

United Federation of Planets

Bowser looked at it, eyes glazed over in deep though.

“Kids,” he asked, with an evil, toothy grin forming on his face, “you know what I smell?”

“Dirt?” asked Lemmy.

“Air?” asked Iggy.

“Electrical fires, pheew!” snorted Ludwig, waving a hand in front of his face.

“No, I smell the defeat of Mario and Luigi, I smell the conquering of the Mushroom Kingdom, I smell POWER!” he replied, laughing.

Chapter 2: Unexpected Delays

Captain’s Log, delayed, Stardate 23046.01

Due to an unfortunate accident involving a rogue gravimetric wave, Transwarp drive has left us stranded on an unknown M-class planet with species that aren’t capable of even fusion power. There isn’t much we can do to avoid violating the Prime Directive, because we’ve landed near some castle which resembles 18th Century Victorian. We have suffered heavy casualties, including my first officer and tactical officer. Our hull is in shambles; decks 18 and 16 are now 17. They were compacted in the crash. Transwarp is offline, so are impulse engines and auxiliary reactors. We only have emergency lighting and batteries. We only have hours to repair thrusters and auxiliary power before the occupants of the castle come after us. We don’t even know where we are. We could be on any planet, in any galaxy and dimension, and at any time. So are the risks of this unfortunately failed Transwarp technology.

“Captain, I need help with this EPS relay,” hollered a crewman.

“Coming. What seems to be the problem, crewman?” Captain Jensen asked.

“The cascade resonance modulator doesn’t seem to be repairing the cracks in the main matrix. Without the relay, bridge is as good as dead. Wait… got it!” replied the crewman.

Main bridge lighting and consoles lit up as the bridge crew gave a cheer. Too bad it lit up the mess. Optic cable was strewn about, and several of the main support beams lay across the floor.

“Let's get to work cleaning this mess up,” said the captain.

“Aye sir,” replied the crew in unison.

“Bridge to engineering, what’s our status down there?” asked the captain through the intercom.

“Engineering, Scotty here sir. If it's anything like the bridge, you can triple it down here. I got auxiliary power online and stable, but without the impulse engines we’ll never be able to escape this planet’s gravity, for sayin’ nothin’ about gettin’ home,” replied Scotty.

“Keep working on it, Scotty, we need impulse in two hours. Bridge out.”

“Aye sir…”

“INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT! 50 unknown life forms entering through airlock 2,” screamed the computer.

“Sir, it's some kind of chemical, the crew is going to sleep, we have only 56 seconds before it reaches the bridge and deck 1!” exclaimed Pauline.

“Shut off all internal vents,” replied the captain.

“No good sir, environmental controls still offline.”

The captain thought about it. Could we self-destruct? No, we only have auxiliary, and a blast that small would only decimate a small portion of the ship, leaving the rest of the technology untouched.

“Abandon ship, encrypt all consoles, and take the flight recorder with us. We have 34 seconds to reach transporter room 1. LET'S MOVE!” yelled the captain.

The crew dropped their tools and headed down the deck one corridor to the transporter room. The security officer stayed for a moment to lock out and encrypt the main computer, and then joined the rest. The captain stayed for just a moment, quickly ripped off his command chair and grabbed the 20-pound flight recorder locked away underneath, and headed for the doorway. He ooked at it for a second, grabbed the Ajax’s commission wall plate, and headed to the transporter room.

When he reached it, the bridge crew had already stocked PADD’s, food, med kits, phaser rifles, phasers, tricorders, and extra communicators with extra power packs. But the sleep spell had already leaked in and was taking its toll on the bridge crew.

“Computer, *cough* transport to local settlement, *cough* … energize!” coughed Captain Jensen as he and the rest of the crew fainted and were transported.

Mushroom Kingdom, Toadstool’s Castle...

“Mario, it's so good to see you,” said Peach.

“Thanks Princess!” said Mario.

“Mmhmm, good to see you too, Luigi!” said Peach.

Luigi said nothing and blushed as a blue glow and a weird noise came from the center of the room. Everyone turned their heads to see ten crewmembers beam into the room and fall to the ground. Jensen dropped the recorder and the plaque.

“Oh my god!” explained Peach. “Are they alright?”

“Who are they? Wait, what’s this?” asked Luigi as he picked up the plaque and read it aloud. “United Federation of Planets? U.S.S. Ajax, NX-4592, Construction Commission Stardate 23000.21. ‘Wherever you go, there you are.’ Hmm, weird quote.”

“Just who exactly are these people?” asked Mario into thin air.

U.S.S. Ajax, Main Engineering...

“It's amazing how a little bit of your perfume knocks out these pathetic humans, Wendy,” Bowser said gleefully as he kicked an unconscious engineering cadet across the floor into the wall.

“I know, it smells nice too! Of course, I do have the best taste in fashions,” replied Wendy.

“What is this place?” Ludwig asked to no one as he looked at the glowing luminescence of the Transwarp core. “I’ve never seen technology so advanced. Just imagine how much this ship outmatches our doomships, in size AND in technology."

"Get these humans to my throne room. I will interrogate them myself. I want 40 guards placed here, day and night shifts. Get Kamek, some Magikoopas, and scientists, and you yourself, Ludwig, will stay here and make ends of all… THIS!” said Bowser, and his guards picked up the crewmembers from all over main engineering.

With that, Bowser, the Koopalings, and the Troopas left, leaving Ludwig all alone with many thoughts. “I wish there was a computer around here to give me some answers,” Ludwig said aloud.

“Please state your query,” said a voice from a speaker.

“Huh, who was that?!” he asked, semi-frightened.

“U.S.S. Ajax main computer,” replied the computer in a female monotone.

“What are you?”

“LCARS main computer version 3.1.”

“All right, heh heh!” he snickered.

Chapter 3: Interrogation

“I ask you again, who are you and what are you doing here?” asked Bowser to one of the crewmembers in a chair.

“Commander Pavel Chekov, United Federation of Planets, Registry Number 32947B,” replied Chekov.

Bowser turned to Roy and asked, “What do you think?”

“He’s a Rusky,” replied Roy.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Of course he’s a Rusky, but he’s a retard or somethin’,” stated Bowser, annoyed. Bowser sneered at Roy and turned back to Chekov. “Let’s take it from the top,” said Bowser

“The top of what?” replied Chekov.

“Name!” growled Bowser.

“What name?” replied Chekov in a calm Russian accent.

“My name!” shouted Bowser.

“I do not know your name!” exclaimed Chekov.

“You play games with me, human, and you’re through!” roared Bowser.

“I am? Can I go now?” asked Chekov.

“GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” roared Bowser as he punched the Russian commander in the face and knocked him unconscious onto the ground in a fit of rage.

Toadstools Castle, Council Chamber…

“Who are you? And what are you doing here, I demand to know,” demanded the princess in a harsh voice.

“Captain Gregory Jensen, United Federation of Planets, Registry number 19024D, Captain of the late U.S.S. Ajax,” he replied.

“Hmm, that would explain this,” Mario said, holding up the wall plaque.

“Dear members of the Mushroom Kingdom Council, and the visiting Koopa… ahem, ‘ambassador’,” began the princess, “I will now present an explanation concerning the explosion that took place late last night, near Bowser’s Keep, and how these humans are collaborators with Koopa to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. Just look at their uniforms, strictly military, their ability to teleport themselves to ambush me in my OWN castle, that explosion, probably a weapons test to launch an attack. I have tried to trust Koopa far more times than I wish to remember. And now this. Ladies and gentlemen of the Council, I move that these people be sentenced to 25 years imprisonment for attempted assassination of me, Mario, Toad, AND Luigi.”

“Princess, excuse me, but I think that my crew and I have the right to a defense. Don’t your laws have this in their justice system?” asked the captain.

“Yes, but who on Plit would defend you?” asked the princess.

“ME! I will defend myself and my crew. Any objections from this ‘council’?” replied the Captain.

“None,” replied the princess.

“Alright. First of all, I am a member of an organization called the United Federation of Planets. We ally ourselves with all warp capable species, and cannot interfere with the evolution or government of civilization according to our Prime Directive. That explosion was the unfortunate crash of the U.S.S. Ajax. The starship I command, after a failed test in Transwarp technology, landed here and is heavily damaged, near another castle, the one you call Bowser’s Keep I believe?”

“Oh yes, you came from an all-mighty starship and teleported into my neck of the woods? Yeah right, heard it before. Fine, tell me, what is Transwarp? How did you get here?” the princess asked.

“I can’t tell you that, it would be violation of the Prime Directive, the last death penalty on the books,” replied Jensen.

“See, he won’t tell us. Why? Because it’s a lie! Ambassador to the Koopa Empire, have you seen these humans before?”

“Never. YOU GET OUTTA HERE GUYS! BOWSER WILL GIVE YOU A REWARD TOO!” the Koopa said, acting according to Bowser’s orders. “Uh oh… said loud part quiet and the quiet part loud. Oh boy.”

“I’ve heard enough. Take them away,” said the princess.

As guards started to take them away Jensen screamed at the top of his lungs. “You ignorant stubborn crusty old farts! You want proof? I’ll give you some &$(# proof!”

He punched the Mushroom guard holding him and took the Flight Recorder he hid and tossed it in front of the Council members’ seats with a heavy thud.

“Look, look at the %(#( thing! Flight Recorder, play entry prior to impac,” yelled Captain Jensen.

“Affirmative,” replied a female monotone voice.

The Flight Recorder popped open with a slow hiss as a holographic projector rose to the top surface of the box, glowing green and then projecting a color image on the wall. It showed everything, from launch to the arrival at the test, the wave, the malfunction, and then the crash, with the invasion of Koopa and his minions kidnapping the crew. The playing stopped, the projector slid back into he box, and the recorder reset.

“Entry viewing complete,” said the Flight Recorder.

Captain Jensen had not yet known about the kidnapping of his crew. It almost brought him to tears.

“Princess,” Mario asked, holding her hand, “what have we gotten into here?”

Chapter 4: Escalating Circumstances

To Be Continued...
Read the Trimming!

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