The Smithy Chronicles

By Iggy Koopa

Part One

Bowser had just lost the princess to Mario once again and was having a hissy fit when some vagly British voice said, "I know how you can beat that plumber." Then a figure stepped forward to reveal Smithy.

"Who are you?" Bowser asked.

"I am Smithy, 120-time winner of the coveted Diabolical Schemer of the Year Award (DsofY), and your way to beat Mario," Smithy said.

"How do I beat that plumber?" Bowser yelled.

"First you give me the keys to the castle. Go on, give it, give it," said Smithy as Bowser reluctantly gave him the keys. "Then you bend over down real low out the window."

"WHAT NOW?!" called Bowser over the strong winds outside the tower window.

"Let's just say you'll get a real KICK out of this," called Smithy as he kicked Bowser's behind and knocked him out the window.

Once Smithy had heard Bowser fall he stole back the princess and went to the TV station to tell all the minions he had taken over. The Koopa Kids heard the broadcast and came to take him out.

"We're takin' back the the kingdom!" Larry called.

"Oh, that is too bad, because I have all this chocolate and $7000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 cash," Smithy said, pouting.

The Koopas huddled and began to whisper. After a short time, Larry said,  "We saw nothing, heard nothing, and will do nothing."

As the kids ran to the bribe Kamek came in. "Can I join you?" he asked.

"Sure," Smithy replied.

"If Bowser gets back in power, can you say I fought to the end?"


Is this the the end of the world as we know it? To find out play Super Mario RPG. Or read part two: "Where’s the Royalty?".

Part Two: To Pass the Time

"Got any 7's?" Smithy asked the princess, who was currently tied to a chair.

"Go fish," Peach replied.

Smithy took a card from the deck, looked at it then said: "HA! I got a pair, I go again."




"YES I DO!!!"

"Oh, let's just play Clue instead."


"Okay," replied Kamek.

After playing for a while Peach moved her piece into a room and said: "I want to make a suggestion. Colonel Mustard in the Ballroom with the Candlestick."

No one could help her so she used that as her accusation.

After looking she said she was wrong and that it was Kamek's turn.

Kamek moved into a room. "Colonel Mustard, in the Louge with the Knife," he said.

"Sorry, I have Colonel Mustard right here," said Smithy.

Peach and Smithy went into another argument.

Soon after, Peach turned to Larry, who had just bought a rain forest. "Aren't you going to stop him?" she asked.

"We saw nothing, we heard nothing, and we will do nothing," he said.

Part Three

Smithy and Peach were still playing board games (Smithy was cheating of course).

"I want to play a game you can't cheat at," Peach said.

"Like what?" Smithy replied.

"How about a video game?"

"Sure, I'll get the TV from the lounge."

Just as Smithy went for the TV the Koopa Kids rushed in front of him.

"Just what are you doing?" Smithy asked.

"You can take our kingdom, you can take our pride, but lay one finger on our TV and we get angry!" Larry yelled.

"I'm taking it anyway, you know," Smithy replied.

"THIS MEANS WAR!!!" Larry yelled. "Excuse us a second."

The Koopas ran away and came back with a small army's worth of heavy artillary.

"Okay, we're ready," Larry said casually.

"You have a stock of military supplies?" Smithy stated, looking amazed.

"Vell ve stocked up for vy2k beacuse SOMEVUN told us it vas zee end of zee vorld," Ludwig said.

"How was I suposed to know they fixed the problem?!" Morton protested.

"Anyvay," Ludwig continued, "now ve're stuck vis army supplies and 2500 pounds of spam!"


"Can we begin now?" asked Smithy.

"Sure," said Roy.

A huge battle erupted, and went on until 4:30 when the Koopas started to fight over what show to watch. In this time Smithy stole the TV. When all the kids looked at the TV they yelled a synchronized, "D'oh!!!" Then Nelson from the Simpsons came on.

"HA HA!" he cackeled.

"Hi everybody!" said Dr. Nick, who just came on set.

"Hi Dr. Nick!" everyone said.

"Hey, you don't belong here!" Larry yelled. "Get outta here!"

"Sorry, but the're renovating the set and we're staying here until they're done."

"D'oh!" Larry said.

Part Four: Variety Night Featuring Chuck Wood!!!

Peach and Smithy had just finished playing a video game that didn't go to well for Peach.

"I can't belive you cheated at this!" Peach exclaimed.

"You have no proof I did cheat," Smithy retorted.

"It says 'Made in Smithy's factory'.

"How about we try something different, and I know just what to do. GET OVER HERE YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOTS!!!"

15 giant maggots slithered up to Smithy.

"Wrong worthless maggots," Smithy said.

The Koopalings rushed over to Smithy.

"We're putting on a variety show, so go set up, you're the performers. Think up your own act and don't give me any backtalk," Smithy said.

"Oh boy, I can get Emnem to perform!"

That night...

Larry walked up to Emnem.

"Mr. Emnem," Larry said, "we had to edit your song for family viewing."

"Say the ---------- thing  already you ----------."

"Okay: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------- and ------------------------------------------------

"What the ----------?! You edited out all but one --------- word you ------! That ----------. I'm ---------- leaving."

"Uh oh."


Larry ran onto the stage in a tux.

"Hello ladies and germs, and welcome to variety night, I'm the host, LARRY!!!"

A large flashing sign with the word APPLAUSE on it came down. One guy in the audiance just barely clapped.

"Hmmm, tough crowd, well I know you'll cheer when I tell you I'm the first act."

The sign came down and the same thing happend as before.

"That's it! I'll go after Morton! I'm leaving!"

As Larry left the audiance clapped and cheered.

"Figures," Larry said.

To Be Continued...

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