Chapter 1: A Plan
"… You sure this’ll work?" Iggy asked skeptically.
"Of course it will. Since when have my plans backfired?" Ludwig snapped.
"Okay! Okay! I get your point. But I’m 100% sure this one is fool-proof. As long as no one interferes…" (hint, hint) Ludwig paused. "… This will work."
"Well, if it doesn’t work, I’m sure King Dad will love it anyway!" Wendy cooed over the giant wooden Bowser.
"Uh-huh. But what if someone steals our idea?" Karma put in.
"Then… um… that will never happen," Ludwig answered.
"Well, you do know I’m a little psychic, right? I saw it in a dream," Karma informed him.
"If we’re worried, we can just ask Kamek. Now let’s show King Dad!" Ludwig urged the other Koopalings.
In another part of the castle…
"Whoa, we’re in serious need of something cool to surprise Bowser with," Red, the leader of the four Koopa Bros., said.
"But where are we gonna get something that coo- eh?" Yellow was interrupted by the groaning sound of the Koopalings.
"Maybe we shoulda made this thing remote-controlled?!" Roy said, sweating.
"Roy! You’re supposed to be the strongest Koopaling! Well, next to me, of course," Ludwig said.
"Hey! It’s not my fault this thing weighs a ton," Roy groaned.
"Well it wouldn’t if you hadn’t put all those useless nails in!" Ludwig yelled.
"What’s all this racket?" Red dashed into the hall.
"What the? Who are you four Ninja Koopas supposed to be?" asked Karma.
"Why, we are the… (Koopa Bros. boss music plays) KOOPA BROS.!!!"
All four flex their muscles.
"Oh please," Larry snorted. "You four are the wimpiest bosses in Paper Mario™!"
"It’s not that simple," Red said. "You see, Bowser decided to let us have a go at defeating Mario. You can just…" Red looked up at the giant wooden Bowser. "Sweet mother of… what the heck is that?!"
"That’s for us to know and you to find out!" Wendy taunted, sticking her tongue out.
"Well, if you must know, it’s a diverse plan to destroy Mario, but I don’t think I’ll go into detail," Ludwig told them.
"Uh-huh. Listen. Maybe you should just let the Big Boys handle this one, huh? Why don’t you go on and… um… play with, like, some rocket launchers or something?" Red told the Koopas. Tthe other three Bros. snickered.
"Um, actually, how about, like, NO?! This is OUR plan. And we are NOT little kids!! As you may very well know, we’ve been in more than one game. That’s a LOT MORE THAN YOU FOUR!!!" Ludwig yelled.
"So… (counts on fingers) that’s like… what? Three? Two more games than us. So what? Big deal. Step aside and we’ll take it from here. You just go on back to your rooms and play with some grenades or… um…" Red stopped, still eyeing that giant Bowser.
"… Uzis like this?" Karma aimed an Uzi at them and blew them sky high.
"Well be back!!!"
Chapter 2: The Return of the Koopa Bros.
The Koopalings burst into Bowser’s Throne Room. "Oh King Daaa-aaad! We’ve got a surprise for you!" Lemmy yelled.
"What is it? A popcorn stand? An outhouse? Tasty little hors d’oeuvres that are sausages and look like pigs with wings?" he asked excitedly.
"Erm, no. It’s something that will help you defeat Mario!" said Iggy.
"Bwahahah! You kids are so funny. Don’t you see? I’ve already won! Mario is gone forever. I just used this!" Bowser raised the Star Rod over his head so the Koopalings could see. "It was too easy! I was like, um, leading sheep to slaughter. Ya know, right? If Mario comes back, he’ll be in fer another whooping with this Star Rod! He wants to save Princess Peach, but no such luck! Hahaha!"
(Washu: That’s it! I’m taking a cut outta your pay for saying that.
Husky: NO ONE says that about sheep in front of me!
Husky and Washu: WE LOVE sheep!)
"But you can’t ever defeat your enemy with any sort of weapon or anything unless it’s in a video game. Why, it’s in our contract!" Ludwig held up a contract signed by the Koopa family.
"WHAT?!" Bowser screamed. "Oh, fine. Well, what is it?"
"Presenting…" Ludwig unveiled the giant wooden Bowser. "The, um, Big Wooden Bowser That Can Smash And Destroy Anything That The Owner Wants Including Mario That You Can Get At A Very Low Price Obviously," Ludwig said.
"Also known as the BWBTCSADATTOWIMTYCGAAVLPO," added Iggy.
"Great! I’ll use it in case Mario comes back. (under his breath) Not that I’ll need it cuz I got the Star Rod. (aloud) I mean, thank you my little Koopa-"
"Stop! Don’t believe 'em, Bowser!"
The Koopa Bros. rushed into the room.
"Yeah, we made up that Big Wooden Bowser That Can Smash And Destroy Anything That The Own-" Green was cut off.
"Um, he means we made it up," Red finished.
"What?!" Bowser stood up. "Is this true?" he asked his children.
"Why, whatever do you mean, father?" Wendy stepped forward with a halo above her head. "Don’t you even trust your own children?"
"Um, of course I do! It’s just that…" Wendy frowned. "Um, all right! That’s it! One of you are gonna be the guinea pig in one of my experiments." Bowser smiled.
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" the Koopalings screamed.
"It’s just a lie detector," he said.
"Yeah, but a vicious one!" Iggy yelled as he hid under a couch.
"I have to agree with him, father. The probability of one of your experiments going well is quite low, and for that reason you would be putting one of you children’s lives in danger. I suggest that-" determined Ludwig.
"Would you listen to this guy? He’s, like, crazy or somthin’!" whispered Black to his other brothers.
"Well, you’re just gonna hafta put up with it. Now, who wants to give it a go, eh?" All the Koopalings looked around and at the floor. "Okay then. Morton! Get yer sorry little hide up here!" Bowser roared.
"Arrrrggggghhhhhhh! Why do I have to do this?! I’d much rather be a shark or a rabbit, but I hafta be a guinea pig! Ugh! This is so not fair! Why me? WHYMEWHYMEWHYME?!" Morton cried.
"Just get up here, Morton. It’s not gonna bite ya."
"It won’t?!" Iggy asked, astonished. Then he crawled out from under the couch.
Morton slowly walked up to the lie detector.
"Okay." Bowser put the lie detector helmet on Morton. "Now I’m gonna ask you this question. Whatever comes up on this screen," Bowser pointed to a black screen, "is our answer. Got it?" Morton shook his head nervously. "Okay then. Morton, who created this giant wooden Bowser?" he asked.
Suddenly, thousands of lines of speech came up on the screen. "Whoa! Maybe you could shorten up into a word or so," Bowser said.
"O-o-okay." Morton whispered.
"AHAH! We have an answer!" Bowser declared happily. Every one looked at the screen. "AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! ‘Pickles’?! That’s no answer! Come on! Think something useful! Geez!" Everyone stared at the screen. Ping! "Hokay… let’s see what this genius conjured up… ‘Koopa Bros.’ and… that’s it. Hmm… it seems that the Koopa Bros. created it. Okay. You’re all excused!" Bowser boomed.
While the Koopalings walked back to discuss this, they were 1/3 amazed at Morton’s answer, 1/.3 amazed that he survived and 1/3 amazed that his answer was so short.
"Well, it seems that the Koopa Bros. have stolen our idea. But don’t be discouraged! We can still think up another-" Ludwig was cut off.
"DON’T EVEN SAY IT!!!" the other Koopalings yelled.
"I told you," Karma said.
Chapter 3: A Hard Situation
At the Koopa Bros.' fortress…..
"Okay, we gotta prepare for Mario’s arrival. We all know that since he beat up the Goomba King, he must be pretty strong," Red informed his brothers.
"Well, ya know, his friend helped out too. That Goombario kid was kinda tough-lookin'," Green said.
"Who cares?! We can beat 'em up! And besides, we’re a whole lot cooler than him. And everyone knows that coolness counts," Red said.
"YEAH!" The four brothers cheered.
"So let’s hop to it!" Red yelled.
The three other brothers looked around.
"Um, what were we supposed to do again?" Yellow asked.
"Get our minions around the castle and set up traps! Geez, it’s like I’m the only intelligent being in this whole fortress! NOW GET TO IT!!!" Red screamed in exasperation.
The others dashed out of the room.
"Now it’s time fer me to get down to some serious business." Red sighed and took out a whoopee cushion and set it on a chair. "Ay! I need a little help in here!" Red cried out.
A Koopa Troopa immediately dashed into the room. "*pant* Yes… sir? You called?" he asked.
"Sit down in that chair." Red pointed
to the chair with the whoopee cusion on it. The Koopa didn’t
notice it and sat down.
GAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!" Red rolled on the floor with laughter.
"Whoa! What was that?!" The Koopa Troopa jumped up out of the chair.
Red pounded on the flooe with his fists. "Geez, you guys are a real laugh riot! Ahahahha! Man, I gotta show that to Green, Black and Yellow! I mean, uh…" Red got up. "Now…GET BACK TO WORK!!! Red yelled. The Koopa zipped out of the room, looking as red as Red’s bandanna. "I really needed a laugh or two…or three! I am so funny sometimes. How do I come up with this stuff? Red, you are such a genius. Probably the smartest of King Bowser’s followers. I wonder what those little kids are up to…"
Back at Castle Koopa…
"GENIUS?! THAT’S ME!" Ludwig and the rest of the Koopalings were watching Red on a screen. "Hmph. So he thinks he can defeat Mario with our creation? Fat chance! Only we know the controls, right?" Ludwig turned around to face his sibs. They all nodded. "So that means we should, um, we should, uh, what was that we were gonna do?" Ludwig paused.
"Watch the four Ninja Koopas fail horribly
at defeating Mario using our giant wooden Bowser?"
"Yeah! That’s it! That’s right! That’s what we were gonna do! Watch 'em try to beat up Mario! Yup! Couldn’t have said it better myself! We’re the only ones who know how to beat up Mario and the only ones who have ever stood a chance! Yeah!" Morton yelled gleefully.
"Morton…" Ludwig started. "Since… when… have… we… ever… stood… a… chance… against … Mario?! Who on Plit gave you the idea that we have ever stood a chance against him?! In the past, we’ve been banged up, scorched, stomped, smashed, flattened, pushed into lava, and shoved off platforms. We’ve also been stomped on, crammed down warp pipes, dumped off our doomships, and, in other words, BEATEN HORRIBLY EVERY TIME WE’VE GONE UP AGAINST MARIO AND LUIGI!!! So, do you think with that kinda record, anyone would praise us if we DID defeat them? And, do you think the Koopa Bros. would get more fame and glory if they DO defeat Mario just because they’ve never lost a battle? YES! WE NEED TO WIN SOME WARS AND BEAT THE **** OUTTA MARIO, LUIGI, AND THE KOOPA BROS.!!!" Ludwig screamed.
"So… does that mean we’ll have to try to beat up Mario and Luigi forever? And that we have to try to beat up the Koopa Bros. too?" Morton asked timidly.
"Well, Morton, only time will tell," Ludwig said calmly, shaking his head.
Chapter 4: A Meeting with Jr. Koopa (Again)
We find Red pacing around on a bridge inside the castle (where you fight them), his brothers watching. "Man oh man… this is NOT good. Just how are we supposed to control this thing? Geez, this must be why Mario is always on the ‘good’ side. Just what’s so wrong with being on the ‘bad’ side?" he murmured.
"Um, nothing!" Green responded.
"That was a rhetorical question, idiot!" Red snapped.
"How ‘bout we just get inside and press a bunch of buttons and pull a bunch of levers and smash a bunch of doohickeys and… uh…" Yellow trailed off when he noticed everyone staring at him. "What?"
"That won’t work! You gotta have brains, stupid! What a nutcase." Black sighed.
"Maybe there are directions inside? Ya know, an instruction manual?" Green chimed in.
"Uh, okay. Yeah, that’s what we’ll do. Now… let’s go see if there’s an instruction manual inside that Wooden Bowser!" Red cheered as his three brothers followed him inside.
At Castle Koopa…
Ludwig was recovering from his yelling at Morton. "I think I lost it," Ludwig said.
"Did it really take you that long to figure that out?" Karma put in.
"I guess." He shrugged.
"Huh," Karma simply said.
"So, how far to do you think the Koopa Bros. will get?" Ludwig asked.
"Probably not that far. Didn’t you say you needed to put some ‘finishing touches’ on it?" Karma answered.
"But of course. Just a little fine-tuning.
Ya know, I needed to get the kinks out. I knew King Dad wouldn’t have had
us use it right away, anyhow. But maybe this little problem will fix itself.
Be it that or it will fix them," Ludwig said, pointing to a screen. It
showed the Koopa Bros. pushing random buttons inside the
"Ya know, Kooky, these guys aren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. But what if Mario defeats them and they come back? I mean, they’ll be pretty mad at us since we made that Bowser," Karma informed her Met.
"Hmm. Yes, that would be a problem. Maybe if we distract them with something. Then they could take their anger out on it," he told her.
"What about that useless Jr. Koopa guy? He’s no threat to us. Besides, you could have another Bob-omb blow him up like in that comic by Latisha Banks," Karma said.
"Yeah. Yeeeeeaaaah. That’s it! But where is he?" Ludwig wondered.
"He appears whenever we don't want to see him, I guess." Karma shrugged.
"OOOH, I HOPE JR. KOOPA DOESN’T COOOOOOOOOME!!! HE’S SO BIG AND SCARY!!! I'M SHAKIN’ OVER HERE!!!" Ludwig yelled to no one. Then they heard a crash outside Ludwig’s room.
"I think it’s coming from the window." Ludwig and Karma looked out the window.
"I told you," Ludwig hissed to Karma.
Jr. Koopa was lying on his back with anime swirly eyes outside the window. (Don’t ask how Jr. Troopa got up there, the castle is in the sky for those of you who have never played the game.)
"Are all of Bowser’s followers this dumb?" Karma inquired. "What did he do, try to bust through the window?" She giggled.
Jr. Koopa's eyes snapped open when he
heard her laugh. "ARRRGGGGHHH!!!" He let loose a war cry and leapt towards
the window. Karma and Ludwig stepped back as he smacked against the glass.
"SHOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!" He fell back onto the ground again. "I’m gonna get in there, and when I do… uh, I’ll bust you up so bad you’ll NEVER laugh at me again!" He jumped towards the window for a third time, hit the glass, and fell backwards. He did this several more times.
"… Shouldn’t he be breaking through the window now?" Karma looked down at Jr. Troopa through the windowpane.
"I suppose not." Ludwig pointed to the window- there weren’t any dents or scratches on it at all.
"Hey guys, King Dad said to keep it down." Lemmy rolled through the doorway on his ball. "Whatcha lookin’ at?" he asked.
"This pitiful creature that’s been trying to bash through the window." Ludwig pointed at the window again.
"Uh huh… lemme see." He rolled over to the window and opened it up.
"Uh oh… this won’t be good," Karma said.
Jr. Koopa got up and rubbed his head. He looked up at the window and saw Lemmy staring down at him.
"Ludwig, this dude’s got a mad look in his eyes," Lemmy pointed out.
"OF COURSE HE DOES!" Ludwig ran over to shut the window.
"Whoops," Lemmy said. "Well, I gotta go. I don’t wanna be in here when you get into a fight with him." He rolled out the door.
"Fight? WHAT FIGHT?!" Ludwig screamed
as he noticed the window wouldn’t come down. He simply blinked
and stepped back. "Karma, please go shut the door," he said calmly.
"Ooooooohhh, sweet revenge! BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Jr. Koopa laughed as he jumped through the window and hit the floor with a thump. "Uh… YES!!! I WILL BE TRIUMPHANT! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" he yelled with glee.
"Yup, just as I figured. He’s crazy," Karma whispered to Ludwig.
"What? What did you say?! Grrr… I’m gonna whip you so hard you’ll be seein’ stars!" He charged towards her, but tripped on a bolt.
"Only idiots trip on nuts or bolts," Ludwig said, staring down at him.
"Ummmm…" Jr. Koopa jumped up. "Ha HAH! You can'y beat me with simply with nuts and bolts! Prepare to tremble at the feet of your master, JR. KOOPA! WAHAHAHA! POWER UP!!!" … But his transformation was pitiful. He ducked inside his shell, supposedly raising his defense. "So… whaddya think? Never seen anything like this, have ya? Huh? Have ya? Have ya have ya have ya have ya?!" he asked repeatedly.
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!" Karma screamed, hitting him over the head with a chair.
"Whoa. I didn’t think this was wrestling or anything… humph, he’s as bad as Morton," Ludwig pointed out.
"Oh, get over here and help me." Karma gestured for him to come over.
"What’re you going to do?" Ludwig asked her.
"We’re simply gonna ask him a couple of questions." Karma grinned and held up a rope.
Five minutes later…
Jr. Koopa was tied to a different chair (and had swirly eyes).
"Okay kid, snap out of it! We need your help… sort of." Ludwig told him.
"Wuh, wha, WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!" Jr. Koopa screamed at\ him.
"We’re gonna ask you a question or two. Now… you hate Mario, right?" Karma asked him.
"Wha? Oh, sure. Who doesn’t?"
"Okay! Okay! I get it. But, why do you ask?" Jr. Koopa inquired.
"It’s a long story," Ludwig put in. "But we just need a little help from you. Will you agree to help us?" he asked the bully of a kid.
"What’s in it for me?" Jr. Koopa challenged.
"Uh, you get another chance to beat up Mario? Uh, heh heh…?" Ludwig grinned.
"All right! I’ll do it. So what do I have to do?" Jr. Koopa asked.
"Well, ya know how the Koopa Bros. stole our Wooden Bowser from us?" Ludwig asked.
"Let me handle this. Okay, so the Koopa Bros. are all brothers, obviously. We built a giant Wooden Bowser to try to impress him," Karma informed the Troopa.
"But… why would you want to impress someone who stole from you?" asked Jr. Koopa.
Karma sighed. "Look, idiot! Bowser! WE WERE TRYING TO IMPRESS BOWSER! So anyway, the Koopa Bros. stole the idea from us, so now we wanna get back at them."
"Oh! Okay. So where do I come in?"
"Well, If Mario somehow gets to this castle, uh, Bowser’s Castle, we need you to stop him," Ludwig said.
"But that’s not it, though. Actually, Bowser will probably tell the Koopa Bros., ‘Oh, you tried hard enough. I’ll give you another chance. If Mario gets to one of my Bowser Doors, you come out and beat him up!’. So… when the Koopa Bros. come out to fight Mario, kick em’ out!" Karma said.
"Okay! Gotcha! I’ll do it! You can count on me! And I’ll also beat up Mario as often as I can! Thanks! I’ll beat up those creeps!" Jr. Koopa said happily.
"Good. Good! Now just get outta here." Ludwig hurried him to the window and Jr. Koopa jumped out. "Oh, and don’t forget this castle is-"
"-In the sky. Oh well. He’ll get over it." Ludwig chuckled as he shut the window.
Chapter 5: Bomb’s Away!
In the Koopa Bros. castle…
"It’s been an hour since Mario, Kooper and Goombario first entered the castle," Yellow told Red after getting the info from a Koopa Troopa.
"Whatever. Just make sure he doesn’t get any further," Red told him. "Wait…" Red noticed Green sleeping on a couch. "GREEN! WAKE UP!!!" yelled Red.
Green's sleep bubble popped. "Wha? What? Did I miss something?"
"Well what do you think?"
"Uh… you were just discussing something," Green grinned.
Red smacked his forehead. "I can’t believe we’re brothers. Do you have any ideas on how to keep Mario from getting here?" Red asked him, frowning.
"Maybe you should have Yellow build a trap or something… zzz…" Green replied.
"That’s it! Yellow, go build a trap that leads to the pit where we keep the Bob-ombs," Red instructed Yellow.
"Right away, sir! Er, brother!" Yellow dashed out of the room.
In one of the many chambers within the Koopa Bros.' castle…
We find Yellow pounding away on a platform with a question mark block hovering over it.
"… There! All done. And not a moment too soon." Yellow peered over the platform’s edge to see Mario entering the chamber. "Heh heh. What an idiot! He’ll never suspect a thing." Yellow laughed, dashing out of the room.
Mario walked up to the platform and looked at the block.
"Uh… should you break it? I mean, what could happen? It’s not like the bottom could fall out from underneath us or anything. Hahaha…" Kooper looked over the edge nervously. Yellow had to stuff his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing.
"I don’t know… this platform looks poorly constructed." Goombario studied the nails and boards.
"Who-a cares? For all we-a know, there could-a be something-a really valuable in-a that-a block. So I’m-a gonna break it."
When Mario jumped up and hit the block, the platform fell out from underneath them!
"ARGH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!" Goombario yelled at Mario as they fell.
"Well, at least we got that cleared up," Kooper smiled.
"Don’t make me kill you," Goombario growled.
Inside the cage with the Bob-ombs…
Mario and company finally hit the floor.
"OWCH! THAT HURT! GET OFFA ME, YOU BIG FAT IDIOT!!!" a pink Bob-omb screeched.
"But, but, but Mario wasn’t supposed to fall on you in the game!" Kooper whined, pulling himself up.
"WELL THIS ISN’T THE GAME!!! Ooh, did you say Mario? Well, that makes everything different. Hello, nice to meet you. I’m Bombette. Sorry about the rude intro. Hee hee ^_^! I can get a little out of control sometimes."
"Apology accepted. But you know, you got so mad, you could have blown us all up!" Goombario warned her.
"Yeah, but I didn’t! So let’s drop this. But… I was wondering if you guys could help me outta here? Ya see, we Bob-ombs were working around the castle one day. I think… oh yeah. One of the Koopa Bros. yelled at me, and I got so angry I blew up. They put me and the others in here just in case we would rise up and start a Bob-omb revolution! YEAH!!! Oops, I mean, that’s what happened," she said.
"I suppose we could help… but hey, where’s Mario?" Kooper looked around, confused.
"He’s over there, inspecting the suspicious hole. Hey! I know!" Bombette said, walking over to the hole.
"Stand aside, Mario! I’ll blow up this atrocious hole! Well, as long as I can join your quest. So, whaddya say? Can I come along with you?" Bombette pleaded.
"We really don’t-a have a choice." Mario sighed.
"Yippe!!! Oh, this is sooo cool! I’ll
blow it up pronto!" she said happily. "Okay, watch this!" She lit her wick
and blew up the wall. "See what kinda power I bring to the team, Mario?
See? I betcha no
one else could do that!" she said gleefully.
"(mumbling) Ya, well I bet I wouldn’t have done such a stupid thing, you sissy- UH, I MEAN, YEAH, THANKS BOMBETTE!!! Ugh," Goombario growled.
"I have one more favor to ask of you, Mario. COULD WE GO BEAT UP THE KOOPA BROS.?!"
"That’s-a just-a what we were going-a to do-a!" Mario said.
So they walked out of the cage, beat up some Koopa Troopas and Bob-ombs, and finally made it back to the trap door.
"Looks like we go through that door," Bombette said.
They pushed in open and walked through. After a while, they made it to a parapet, and a ways down the walkway, they could see three Bill Blasters, ready to fire!
To Be Continued...
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