“Why isn’t our regular history teacher here?” demanded one of the students, a young Koopa. He tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for an answer. A few of his classmates gave him weird looks as they passed before making their way to their desks.
The supply teacher pushed back his silvery blue hair as he surveyed the room, pretending he hadn’t heard the annoyed seventh grader. Or maybe he wasn’t pretending, he was almost too old to tell. His old green shell looked as if it hadn’t been properly polished in years, and he leaned on an aged cane for support. His head was, however, still full of neatly combed hair, though it was turning white in certain spots. A few spikes suggested that he could have been a war veteran.
“Hello?” asked the student again, a little more loudly this time. He tapped on the ancient’s shoulder.
Realising that his hearing aid wasn’t on, the old Koopa fiddled with a tiny switch for a moment before turning to face the young Koopa. “Did you say something?”
“Yeah, I did,” sighed the student. “What happened to our regular history teacher?”
“Maybe she broke,” sniggered another, a Mushroomer by the sound of it, from somewhere in the class.
“I very much doubt that,” smiled the old Koopa. “Your regular history teacher has called in sick today, so I’m filling in. You may call me Mr. K.” He was speaking more or less to the whole class now, so the child who had asked muttered a “Thanks” and returned to his seat.
However, it would have been a miracle if more than even five students had even heard him, what with the current noise level. Paper airplanes were flying every which way, and only a scarce few weren’t talking. He wrote his name on the blackboard, catching the attention of a few, but most of the students just continued talking. After a few futile attempts at getting their attention, he decided that he was running out of patience.
“QUIET!” he bellowed suddenly. The class fell silent almost instantaneously. The entire mismatched class peered up at him in mild surprise, as if they hadn’t noticed that he was there until that moment. “Thank you,” he smiled. “Today’s lesson will be about the Koopa revolution.”
Most of the students groaned. A few slumped in their seats, uninterested already. They were all bored of hearing just how valiant and cunning King Bowser the First had been, even the Koopas. A Mushroom’s hand shot up.
“Mister K, sir? We’ve just finished studying the Grass Land Economic structure, and we were about to start learning about the Hybrid Rights Entreaty,” the Mushroomer informed him, obviously hoping to pick up where they last left off.
“Well, today we’re taking a break from that. In fact, I don’t really like how your textbooks handle this matter-”
“Yeah, there’s no actual information in it!” pointed out another Mushroom. “Just excruciating detail about Bowser I and his kids!” A few other classmates nodded in agreement.
“Yes, the Royal Family does seem to have gotten a rather large head these past few years, doesn’t it?” chucked the supply. “Which is why we’re not going to use textbooks today.”
“Yay!” rejoiced a Koopa, shoving his textbook back into his desk.
“All right then,” began Mr. K. “Does anyone here know exactly how Bowser the First and his children took over the Mushroom Kingdom?”
“Well, he didn’t technically take it over,” interjected another Mushroomer.
“Very true,” he agreed, nodding appreciatively. “The Koopa Royal Family rules, with the Mushroomers’ respective Royalties close at hand. We all know that. But, does anyone here know how our present predicament came to be?”
No one had an answer. They looked around in confusion. Hadn’t it always been this way?
“Oh come on, don’t tell me they’ve never taught you how the Koopas came to rule…”
Still no response. He was met with a sea of vacant stares.
Mr. K sighed. “Well, then I suppose I’ll have to educate you. That’s what I’m here for, after all. Bowser the First, we’ll just call him Bowser for now, had seven kids: Ludwig, Lemmy, Roy, Iggy, Wendy, Morton, and the youngest, Larry. At that time, our kingdom was split in two very different sections: the Mushroom Kingdom, which was ruled by Princess Peach the First (we’ll call her Peach for the sake of convenience), and the Koopa Clan. They were constantly fighting, trying to gain total control over each of the Lands. Though the Koopa Clan had partial control of almost every Land, the Mushroom Kingdom still maintained the greater portion of each and every one of them, with the possible exception of Dark Land. Does anyone here at least know why this was?”
“Because of Mario?” ventured one of the brighter Mushroomers. While it was obvious that most of the kids knew what she was talking about, a couple seemed puzzled by this statement.
“Partially. More specifically, the Mario Brothers,” clarified the old Koopa. “Mario and Luigi Mario.”
“Huh? You said Mario twice!” interrupted one of the more clueless Koopas.
“Mario was their surname; Mario Mario and Luigi Mario,” he answered. “Exactly why remains a mystery even today. Mario and Luigi gave Bowser quite a lot of trouble, always ruining his attempts at kidnapping Peach.”
“Why did he want to kidnap her in the first place?” inquired another Koopa. “Did he like her or something?”
“Eww!” stated a Mushroomer girl, giggling.
Mr. K cleared his throat, perhaps to cover up a laugh. “I’ll have to say no to that. Though there were a few rumors, the true intent of Bowser’s was to hold her ransom for the Mushroomers’ part of the Lands, at least it was at first. After the first few times, it became more of a way to bait the Marios into his traps in hopes of destroying them both. Of course, his main goal remained to control the whole Mushroom Kingdom, which he did so eventually, though not quite in the way he would have imagined it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Perhaps it’s best if I just tell you the whole story,” he decided. The kids cheered; they were becoming more interested by the minute. The old Koopa cleared his throat and began to retell what should have been history’s most famed chapter…
***
King Bowser sat in his throne, looking distraught. He sighed again, going over his many failures in his mind once again. He winced. He was surprised that he could even remember that many failed kidnapping attempts. So many times he’d tried to capture Peach. And, unfortunately, he’d been defeated just as many times, mainly by Mario.
He clenched his clawed fist tightly around the arm of his throne. He’d get those Mario Brothers. Next time, he’d show them no mercy.
He was so deep in thought that he nearly jumped out of his shell when he heard a scrambling of claws outside the door. It turned out to be the sound of his children, all trampling over themselves to reach the throne room. Ludwig was the first to enter, then Roy, Morton, Larry, Wendy, and Iggy. Lemmy was the last to enter. Tripping over his feet excitedly, his ball bounced out from underneath him and he fell to the ground with a thud. Iggy stayed to help him back up as the other Koopalings raced over to Bowser. To his dismay, they all began to speak at once.
“King Dad! King Dad!”
“We have devised a plan-”
“We’ll finally make up for our-”
“I’ll bet you never thought that we’d be able to come up with-”
“I’ll pound him good and-”
“Mario won’t stand a chance!”
“QUIET!” Bowser roared. The Koopalings’ reaction was instantaneous. “Now, let’s start at the beginning. Wendy, you first.”
“Well, King Daddy, we’ve been hard at work for the last couple of weeks making something for you,” she said sweetly. “And, well, we may have finally have figured out how to get rid of Mario, and take over the Mushroom Kingdom all in one go!”
“You’ve got my attention,” said Bowser.
“If the Princess has a weak spot, it’s her people,” explained Ludwig. “Therefore, if we should perhaps kidnap an amount of Mushroomers, we could hold them for ransom for the Mushroom Kingdom!”
“Of course, we’d have to kidnap a whole lot of them,” interjected Iggy.
“That’s great,” said Bowser thickly. “Just one problem: MARIO!”
“And Luigi,” added Larry.
“Ah, but we thought of that already,” said Lemmy. “When he takes the bait, as we all know he will, just make sure he finds you in the dining hall. That’s where we’ve set up our trap.”
“He’ll be yours for the pounding!” said Roy, with maybe a little more enthusiasm than necessary. With that last word, he’d made a wild gesture and accidentally destroyed part of a nearby table. “Oops.”
“I’ve been trying to kill him for years. What makes you think that he won’t beat me again this time?”
“Trust us, King Dad!” said Larry. “We won’t let you down!”
Morton tried to say something too, but his mouth didn’t seem to want to open. Roy grinned mischievously.
“Well, you had better not!” said Bowser. “Or you’ll all be in the dungeon until my bones knit!”
The Koopalings all nodded quickly, then left the room. Only Ludwig now remained.
“You realise, Ludwig, that with stakes this high, Luigi is most likely to make an appearance as well?”
“Very much so, King Dad. In fact, I was kind of hoping he would show. It will save us the trouble of having to deal with him later.”
“Two Mario Brothers at once? You seem very sure of yourself.”
“And we have good reason to be. Once the Mario Brothers are out of the way, the Kingdom will be ours for the taking!”
A few hours later, Lemmy and Iggy led Bowser into the dining hall. Bowser looked around, expecting to see something more than just a few tables. Ludwig and the other Koopa Kids stood in the centee of the room. Iggy pointed upwards.
“What?” Bowser began. “I don’t see any…”
Ludwig, who had been holding some sort of remote control, pressed one of its few buttons. Almost immediately, the ceiling opened up and a stream of moans began to flood out. They were the cries of no less than fifty Mushroomers, all trapped inside an enormous cage hanging from the ceiling. Some of them were shaking with terror, while a few shouted death threats. All seemed confident that Mario would come and rescue them.
“You kids are amazing!” exclaimed Bowser. The Koopalings beamed.
With a click of a button, the ceiling closed back up, hiding both the cage and the panicked wails. Ludwig grinned.
“A ransom note has already been sent to Peach’s Castle,” informed Lemmy.
“Are you ready?” asked Roy.
“Of course I am,” said Bowser. “I’ve been ready forever.”
“Good, because he should be here any minute!” predicted Ludwig. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a loud thud was heard. It was the sound of something very heavy ramming the door, and none of the Koopas had to be a genius to figure out who it was. With an “It’s almost like I’m psychic!” from Ludwig, the Koopalings all scrambled to their places just a few moments before the dining hall’s door collapsed.
“Jeez, did you have to knock it down?” said Luigi’s unimpressed voice. “Did you ever think of trying the handle first?”
“It makes for a more dramatic entrance,” explained Mario.
Bowser laughed, causing the Brothers to snap their heads in his direction.
“Bowser, where are those Mushroomers?” demanded Luigi. “They never did anything to you!”
“True,” agreed Bowser coolly. “Very true. But you two did.”
At this point, the ceiling opened up again. The Brothers gasped as the cage was lowered, just enough to see the Mushroomers within. The Mushroomers’ eyes lit up when they saw the two. The cage was far too high to reach, however, so there was nothing the Bros. could do when they saw Ludwig jump down from the giant hole that used to be the ceiling, causing the cage to rock back and forth dangerously.
“One wrong move and your little friends here get it!” he warned, grinning evilly.
Mario seemed about to lunge at Bowser when Wendy emerged from the hole as well. She jumped all the way down to the floor, somehow landing perfectly on her feet despite the fact that she was wearing high heels. Roy was the next to jump down, holding a fairly large, squirming bundle of sheets.
Luigi and Mario just stood there for a moment, wondering what could possibly be in the crinkled mass. They both gasped as Roy dumped it out onto the floor. A very pink, very annoyed little Bob-omb fell out, hitting the floor with a thud.
“You guys, stay back!” screamed Bombette, suddenly realizing where she was. “It’s a trap, don’t-”
“I think that’s about enough of you,” decided Roy.
He picked Bombette up, covering her mouth and trapping her in a sort of deadly bear hug. Wendy held a firm grip on her fuse to prevent her from exploding.
At this point, Mario actually did make a lunge, for Roy and Wendy. They were too busy containing Bombette to defend themselves, but he had to stop short as Bowser blocked his way with a blast of fire.
“You didn’t think it’d be that easy, did you?” said Bowser, almost lazily.
“All right,” sighed Luigi. He struggled to hold Mario back, as he didn’t seem to care about being burnt. “What do you want?”
“I want you, Mario.”
“That’s disgusting!” gagged Luigi. He let go of Mario, who also seemed thoroughly horror-struck. Even Wendy now looked as if she was about to be sick.
“Er, sorry,” Mario stuttered, slightly taken aback. “I’m kind of taken right now, and-”
“NO! YOU IDIOTS!” Bowser stamped his foot indignantly. “I want a battle. This one’s for the Mushroom Kingdom… and your friends.”
Ludwig laughed manically at this point, pressing one of the only two buttons left on his remote control. To the surprise of almost everyone, most of the floor gave way and collapsed, revealing a veritable sea of lava underneath, and leaving the Mario Brothers stranded on an island with Bowser in the middle of the room. A battle arena.
There was no obvious way out. Wendy and Roy were still on the ground, on a separate island-like formation a ways away from where Bowser and the Mario Bros. were. Bombette had now given up struggling and watched in horror as Bowser made the first move.
“You’ll have to get up earlier in the morning to stomp on Luigi!” he declared, easily sidestepping out of the way. The Mushroomers cheered from their cage.
Growling angrily, Bowser turned around and swiped at Mario. Not being quite as agile as his younger bro, he barely got out of the way in time. Before he could recover, the mighty Koopa sent another slash in his direction. This time, he hit home. The scratches didn’t hurt much, but he was now teetering precariously over the edge of the platform.
Bowser made as if to finish him off, when a blow to his belly knocked the wind out of him. He gasped for air, wondering how he could have possibly forgotten about Luigi. Luigi used this opportunity to help Mario regain his balance. Furious now, Bowser charged and hit Luigi head on. He never knew what hit him.
“NOOO!” cried Mario, making a futile grab for his younger brother as he near flew over the edge. It was too late. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he picked up Luigi’s hat, which had fallen off on impact. He was fighting for his brother’s honor now.
He turned around to face Bowser, who wasbreathing heavily. The giant Koopa had almost propelled himself off the edge along with Luigi. Mario saw his chance and took it, making another lunge for Bowser while he was windmilling himself in attempt to regain his own balance. Bowser saw his mistake only too late and flailed a moment before falling.
Horrified, the Koopalings rushed to his aid at once, attacking Mario for all they were worth. Iggy peered over the edge where they had seen their father fall. Was he? Could he be?
A sigh of relief washed over the Koopa Kids. Bowser had a grip on a protruding rock, but was just barely hanging in there. Iggy stretched his hand towards Bowser, prepared to pull him up. However, not being the strongest of the Koopalings, Iggy was instead pulled down towards Bowser, who had an even harder time supporting both their weights with one hand.
An enraged roar alerted Roy, who left Bombette with Wendy and rushed over to help. Shaking his head sadly, he easily pulled both Bowser and Iggy back up.
As Bowser got to his feet, he could see that Ludwig, Lemmy, Morton, and Larry had closed in around Mario, who now had his back to the edge of the “island”. They were just about to push him over when Bowser roared again.
“STOP!” he commanded. Everyone in the room did so. Even the captured Mushroomers stopped making any noise. “I want to do this myself.”
The Koopalings made way for Bowser, who walked in the midst of their cluster and up to Mario. Even Mario now looked terrified.
“Noo!” screamed Bombette, wriggling free of Wendy’s grasp.
“I’ve been waiting a long time for this,” Bowser gloated. And yet, in some strange way, his voice seemed almost respectful. “Time and time again you’ve shown that you’d have had no qualms about killing me. I now return that ‘gift’.”
Mario, snapping out of his horrified trance, spat on the ground. Knowing he now had nothing to lose, he readied himself and punched Bowser’s face for all he was worth. Bowser groaned and touched his nose tenderly.
All was dead quiet as Bowser said what is now the most famed quote of today’s history. He smiled cruelly. “At least you had a good run,” he sneered, and pushed Mario over the edge.
***
The entire class stared up at Mr. K in rapt attention. Not one sound had been uttered since the story had begun.
“And that is how our present-day situation came to be,” finished Mr. K solemnly. He looked around with satisfaction at the mixture of interest and horror now registered on every student in the entire mixed up class. “With the famed Mario Bros. gone, the Kingdom had nearly no protection. Peach was forced to hand over the Kingdom on threat of a war, a war that they now had no chance of winning.”
A Koopa held her hand up shakily.
“Were the prisoners released?” she asked.
“You mean the ones used as bait? Yes, they were. And because Peach was compliant, only a scarce few Mushroomers brave enough to revolt without orders died at all. It took a while, but as you know already, the two Kingdoms eventually did manage to forget their past differences. The only main difference now is that the Koopa Royal Family has slightly more power than that of the Mushroom Royal Family.”
“How do you know so much about all of this?” asked a Mushroom male.
“I know my history,” Mr. K smirked. “But now, I’m afraid that history class is over.”
The bell rang, and the students all stampeded out of the classroom. They huddled in their respective social groups, chatting animatedly about what they had just heard. One Koopa, however, stayed behind.
“Mr. K, how long ago did all that happen?”
“The year was 2003, I believe,” answered the old Koopa.
“And what did you say your first name was?”
“My, aren’t you the inquisitive one!” he chuckled. “Larry. My name is Larry.”
The young Koopa walked out of the room in a daze, trying to absorb what he’d just heard. That Mr. K sure seemed to know his stuff. It was pretty cool. Maybe he’d be a history teacher when he grew up. Or maybe a- He stopped dead, suddenly oblivious to the swarms of Koopas and Mushroomers all bustling around him.
He’d said his name was Larry… Wasn’t that the name of one of Bowser I’s kids? That would explain how he knew so much. And yet… 2003 was over 200 years ago. No Koopa was that old… right?
“Hey, Audrey, whatcha doin’?” yelled another Koopa passing by. He stopped. “C’mon, we still have another class to go to!”
Audrey hurried along with his friend, suddenly realizing just how late he was going to be for Geography. As he ran to his next class, his thoughts turned again to Mr. K. Could he… Was it possible?
Nah, it couldn’t be.
The End
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