Part 14: Kataclysmic Kombustion (and the Aftereffects)
"Hey, wait a minute!" said Squittar. "We couldn't hurt K. Rool before, but why could we now, and... hang on, we've been spelling my name wrong this whole time!"
Whoops! I'll fix that!
"Good," said Squitter, "but that doesn't answer my question."
"I think the best person to answer it is K. Rool himself," said Donkey Kong, "so he'd better tell us!"
"Fine... fine," grumbled K. Rool, still lying on the floor (he was seriously injured). "The crown I'm wearing is only a replication... my true crown broke so it was in for repairs. That's the only reason you could beat me! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to take care of!"
K. Rool pulls a lever.
"Ha! This ship will self-destruct in two minutes! You'll NEVER get far enough away!"
"Neither will you," said Mario.
"That's what you think," said K. Rool, pressing something on his watch. He instantly disappeared.
"Hmm... didn't I see this in a movie?" asked Squitter.
"No time for that. We've got to get away!" said Poppy.
Our heroes ran, but the two minutes were up before they got away. Suddenly...
Nothing happened! Turns out that the self-destruct mechanism was originally created by Ludwig (something that ISN'T supposed to blow up blows up, but something that's supposed to blow up doesn't? Hmm). Our heroes managed to get out of the ship.
Meanwhile...
"Yes! I've escaped!" gloated K. Rool. "Hey, wait a minute! When I was going super-fast with the help of this watch of mine, why didn't I defeat DK and his friends?"
K. Rool pressed the button on his watch again, but nothing happened because it was only a stage prop.
"Hey, wait a minute! Why could I use it before, then?"
Don't blame me! I only narrate this story, I didn't make it make sense! But now we must get back to where our heroes are...
"Oh cool! A third Scroll!" said Poppy. "This one's a Water Scroll! It powers up water attacks!"
"I think we knew that," said Sonic sarcastically.
"Where to now?" asked Squitter.
"That's an easy one! This is like Super Mario RPG, so we just go to the map screen and go to the new place that's opened up," said Mario.
"Seems a little TOO easy..." said DK.
"Well, what else CAN we do?"
Since no one could think of something better, they all decided to do so. A few moments later, they came to the next level of this story... er, game. No wait, this is a story! It's a... oh, never mind.
"Why can't that narrator ever get to the point?"
Look, I'm only getting paid minimum wage here!
"Who ARE you anyway?"
Well, see, Lord Seth wrote this story, so he's supposed to be the narrator, but he was busy for a while so I'm taking over for him.
"You know what?" asked Poppy. "This explains a lot. An awful lot."
"Can we forget him and get on with our quest already?" asked Sonic.
"Okay."
And so they continued onward to find the next scroll and stop the evil plot that is unfolding.
Meanwhile...
"No arguments! GET GOING!" shouted ?? to Bowyer. "Get that scroll."
"But, but..." whined Bowyer.
"NO BUTS! GET OUT THERE THIS INSTANT!!!"
"Fine."
Bowyer left.
"Soon... soon all the Scrolls will be MINE!!!" ??? laughed to himself. "And then I will bring Smithy back to life, and reign supreme (along with him) over the universe!"
The universe? I don't know about that. Why, a mere few dozen lightyears away there's a civilization that could blow up this entire planet in a few moments. And then, only a smaller amount of lightyears away, there's-
"Well, they're lightyears away! Why should they bother me?!"
Well, the point is that if you want to conquer the universe, you'll have to go through them. And then there's-
"SHUT UP!!!"
Well geez, I'm only trying to help you out! Okay okay, we'll cut away from here...
"Finally!"
... and go back to where the action is taking place.
"So... where ARE we?" asked Squitter.
"We're somewhere around the Forest Maze." said Mario. "Hey! This is where I fought Bowyer. Something tells me we're going to see him again..."
"Oh?" asked Sonic. "You mean other than the fact that we've passed by AT LEAST 15 signs saying things like 'Away you must go'?"
Meanwhile...
"I TOLD you we should've had someone else do the signs!" complained a Jabit.
Okay, enough with that joke. Now let's get back to where the action is... er, so to speak.
Mario and the rest of our heroes were all hopelessly lost. Then again, this is called The Forest Maze, so that makes sense. Anyway, after what seems like hours (and is hours), they finally figured out where they are... lost.
"Oh yeah, like we needed to walk around for hours to figure that out," said Poppy sarcasticially.
"Did anyone bring a compass?"
"Oooh! I have one!" Squitter said as he brought out a compass that was stored SOMEWHERE on his person. However, a Jabit that was wandering around bumped into him and it broke.
"Hey! I spent $40 on that!" Squitter shouted at the Jabit while picking it up with two of his legs. The Jabit trembled in fright. "Now what exactly are you doing here?" said Squitter angrily.
"I'm not telling!"
"Oh yeah? Can you take THIS?!"
Squitter took out a screwdriver and waved it threateningly at the Jabit. "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!!!" it screamed. "See, Bowyer has to find a Scroll of Power for our new leader, whoever he is, and it's supposed to be somewhere in this forest. I'm searching for it, along with a lot of other Jabits, and then I ran into you," it whimpered.
"And what is the NAME of your new leader?" asked Squitter again, bringing the screwdriver dangerously close to the Jabit.
"I told you! I don't know! Only people like Bowyer, Mack, Yaridivoch, and so on know. I don't!"
"Think we should believe him?"
"No," said Squitter. "But I have a better idea. He'll lead us to Bowyer, or else I'll use this little screw of mine! Don't you agree?" he inquired of the shuddering Jabit. The Jabit nodded. "Good!" Squitter said simply. "Now which way do we go?"
The Jabit, afraid of the screwdriver, helped our heroes get to the middle of the maze. But, surprisingly, Bowyer wasn't there. Instead...
Wait a minute, what am I saying? Bowyer WAS there.
Part 15: Bowyer Battle (well, kind of)
"Scroll of Power is where?!" Bowyer demanded angrily. "Tell me now you must!"
"First, we don't actually need to. Second, we don't even know where it is. Third and finally, even if we did, we wouldn't tell you!"
"Too bad that is!" Bowyer said as he threw a smoke grenade (or whatever it is) at them. They all started coughing instead of holding their breath, and they fell asleep within a few seconds. Instantly, the smoke disappeared.
"Ah, yes, Bowyer," came a voice from behind him. He whirled around. "You have defeated them... but only because I assisted you by giving you that. If I had not, they would have defeated you. Now give me the Scroll!"
Bowyer started to explain (in his strange way of speaking) that he didn't have it, but just then a Jabit ran, er, hopped in with it.
"Perfect," said the figure. "Now let us get going!"
"But defeat them we must!" complained Bowyer.
"No... they'll go get the other Scrolls, saving us the problem. Once they have them all, they'll walk right into our trap and I'll have them all! But it's nice to have one, in any case!"
Sonic wooke up to see Bowyer and the figure (who is ?????) boarding the airplane, along with the Jabits. He couldn't see much, but he could definitely tell that ????? is NOT a creature of flesh. For example, Goombas, Koopa Troopas, Lakitus, Mario, Luigi, and Bowser are beings of flesh. Jabits, Bowyer, Mack, and Yaridivoch are NOT, however. Got it? Whether you do or not, too bad!
"Well that sure narrows the list down," muttered Sonic to himself, "but still leaves many options. I guess we'll just have to continue onward and find out more."
Eventually everyone else woke up. It seemed that for the time being they'd missed the Wind Scroll... but they agreed that they should simply go onto the next.
What is this scroll? What are its powers? Who will they fight for it? I guess we'll have to wait to find out... or not. As they walked on a little more, a whole lot of people ran screaming in the opposite direction of where they were going.
"Well," said Mario, "If they're running away from something, I guess it means that we'd better go TOWARD it."
"Wait..." said a weird old creepy guy (The same one from A Test of Wills?). "You must not go there... I am warning you..."
"What is this, a bad horror story?" Poppy said. "We have an important quest to get through here!"
Taking no notice of the man's warnings, they continued onward.
"Yeah, but... what if he was RIGHT?" asked Donkey Kong.
"Yeah... it's a win/lose situation," agreed Squitter.
Part 16: Vile Voldemort (Ha! I said, er, typed his name. Anyway, ha!)
Anyway, after going on a little, our heroes found a few figures wearing strange robes or something. They all took out some weird stick and waved it while starting to say something, but Donkey Kong beat them up before they could finish. They left them unconscious and continued on.
Finally, they came to that one evil guy from those Harry Potter books, Voldemort! However, he was too far away to hear our heroes.
"Who is THAT?" asked Poppy.
"I think it's that one weirdo from the Harry Potter books. His name was Voldemort."
"His name was WHAT?!"
"Voldemort," Mario repeated.
"What? I can't hear you."
"VOLDEMORT!!!" Mario yelled at the top of his lungs. Unfortunately, Voldemort, also known as Lord Voldemort (not related to Lord Seth), heard them and appeared next to them.
"What are you doing? You're not supposed to say my name." Lord Voldemort growled.
"Oh. What would you prefer us to call you?" asked Squitter.
"You're supposed to be afraid to say my name and call me You-Know-Who or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, idiot!"
"Hmm..." Sonic said. "I don't know. You could be referring to anyone when you say You-Know-Who, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named takes too long. Let's stick with Voldemort. Would you prefer us to call you Voldemort, or Lord Voldemort?"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! The entire wizarding world has been afraid to say my name for so long. Why aren't YOU?"
"Well," said Poppy, "Lord Seth always said-"
"LORD SETH?! You know that idiot?"
"IDIOT?! YOU DARE TO CALL HIM THAT?!"
"Well, he does have a strange name..."
You're lucky Lord Seth isn't here, Voldemort.
"Who said that? I bet one of you is trying to mess with my head by being a ventriloquist!" said Voldemort, obviously not knowing what a narrator is. "You're trying my patience. I've wanted to get back at Lord Seth ever since he beat me up in that Interview, so... I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
"That's bad, right?" asked Poppy.
"Yes it is!" Voldemort yelled. "Avada Kedav-"
Before Voldemort finished saying "Avada Kedavra", which is the "unblockable" killing curse, Sonic, using his quick speed, ran behind Voldemort and kicked him.
"You'll pay for that! Avada-"
But Voldemort never even got a chance to say the second word, because right then, Mario snatched his wand and Donkey Kong beat him to a pulp.
"I don't get it," said Squitter, trying to scratch his head with little success. "This guy was supposed to be the terror of everyone. And yet he's getting beat up!"
"Who knows?" Poppy said as he started to throw bombs at Voldemort. After a few minutes, Voldemort, the "most powerful wizard of all time" was beaten to unconsciousness.
"Well, that was fun. Let's find the next scroll," Poppy suggested, and everyone agreed. After a little bit of prodding, they found the scroll, which is the Magic Scroll. They returned to find that Voldemort (and his followers, the Death Eaters) were gone. The universal rift opened again and they all went back to their own world, at the exact same time they left. All were beaten so badly they forgot everything that had happened to them. They were all taken back to the EXACT same time they left, which is why there was no confusion in Harry Potter. Back in our universe...
"Well, that was fun. But, hey, what's this?"
Sonic took the scrolls they had and arranged them somewhat. They seemed to spell out a message.
"Hmm... it looks like we'll need all the scrolls to figure out what it means. It's just like a jigsaw puzzle. Let's see, it looks like this should fit here, and this one goes here...
Sonic experimented a little with it. He decided that all he could make out right then was that there WAS a message. "We'll have to get at least one more Scroll of Power if we want to find out the whole thing," he said.
Part 17: Scroll Search (or "Who's that Cloud?")
"Okay then!" said Mario. "We'd better go FIND those Scrolls of Power."
"Great idea, Einstein," said Squitter sarcastically, "but-"
"My name is Mario, not Einstein!" shouted Mario.
"That was an expression!"
"Oh. Never mind."
"Okay, let's review," said Sonic. "We've seen five of the eleven Scrolls of Power. Those were the Fire, Metallic, Water, Wind, and Magic Scrolls. What could be next? They seem to be various elemental forces or something like that..."
"Hmm..." was all Donkey Kong said. He was thinking hard, which was fairly difficult for him. He was used to explaining everything with his fists (and legs).
"Lightning!" yelled Poppy.
"Lightning? You think that that's the next scroll? That could be it, or at least one of the later Scrolls of-"
"No, there's some lighting RIGHT OVER THERE!"
Everyone turned and saw that Poppy was right. Except the thundercloud looked rather strange... especially with the eye in it, keeping a watch on our heroes. But it couldn't tell the time! Get it? Watch? Time?
"That's so funny I forgot to laugh," said Sonic dryly.
You must have a bad memory if you forgot to laugh at what you called a funny joke!
"That narrator's really starting to get on my nerves," said Squitter.
"Hey! Didn't I see this in a movie somewhere?"
ZAP! While Squitter was talking, a lightning bolt hit him. Hee hee, being the narrator is great for taking revenge!
"Grr... When we finish this whole thing and save the world, I'm going to sue that guy!"
"Now, where have I seen this cloud before?" muttered Mario to himself. "Was it in a video game?"
"Uh... Mario?" asked Sonic. "Maybe we should stop talking and START RUNNING!"
"Good idea."
Everyone started running as fast as they can, and for Sonic, that's really fast. Realizing that he was running much faster than the others, he slowed himself down a little. But the cloud with an eye was really fast! It started catching up. It came closer, and closer, and closer, AND CLOSER!!! <insert Jaws music here>.
"I've got it!" yelled Poppy. "I know what it is!"
"Well, hurry up and tell us," said Donkey Kong, "before this part ends!"
Too late.
"Drats!"
Part 18: [The title of this part has been removed because of its politically, fashionably, and aerodynamically incorrect nature]
"I know who it is! I know who it is!" shouted Mario. "The guy's name is Kracko!"
"Oh? Where is he from?" asked Sonic.
"I have no idea I just read what is says right there, 'Beware of Kracko'."
"Okay, now that we've used this joke, can I say who the heck this Kracko is?" asked Poppy.
Yeah, yeah, tell us.
"See, in Kirby Superstar (known in Europe as Kirby's Fun Pak), and some other Kirby games, there was this one boss named Kracko, and he was this cloud with an eye. Of course, that was only his second form. However, Kirby Superstar only had his second form."
"Well," said Squitter, "as this is Kirby's enemy, I bet Kirby himself will appear."
As if on cue, Kirby showed up. "Kirby!" he said. At least, I think Kirby's a he...
Everyone, as they continued running for seemingly no reason, stared at Kirby. That's right, Kirby! The pink protector, the amazing changeling, the Nintendo star, the best guy in Super Smash Bros and Super Smash Bros Melee (in my opinion), the-
"That narrator is either a Morton or a Kirby fan." said Poppy. "Which one do you think it is?"
"Kirby?" asked Kirby curiously. Unfortunately, Kracko hit him with a thunderbolt. "Kirby!" said Kirby angrily.
"Why do I have a feeling that we're suddenly going to have a battle?" asked Squitter.
Suddenly, for no reason other than the fact that I can't seem to use him in the story well, Donkey Kong disappeared in a flash of light!
Meanwhile, where King K. Rool was standing...
Suddenly, Donkey Kong appeared in a flash of light! He beat up King K. Rool (again), then freed the rest of the Kongs. Then they had a happy life... until the next Donkey Kong video game, anyway.
Back to where our semi-heroes were...
"I'm tired of running, both figuratively and literally," complained Poppy. "Let's fight Kracko, or die trying!"
Everyone stared at Poppy.
"Okay, maybe that was a bad choice of words," he admitted.
"So what do we do?" asked Sonic.
"How about a corny flashback?" asked Poppy.
"NNNOOOO!!!" everyone shouted, but it was too late.
"Don't worry! It's a short one... I think."
Roy just got his report back. He got a... uh... er... ah... a bad grade, okay?
Roy: WHAT?! How could I get such a lousy grade?
Teacher: I told you to write a 2,000 word essay! And all you gave me was-
Roy: Two pictures! A picture is worth a thousand words.
Teacher: *sigh* Okay, I'll raise it to a D-.
"Ever notice that flashbacks are always in script format for some reason?"
"Yep, I did," said Mario.
Um, in case you forgot, that cloud is still chasing you.
"That's why I didn't want a flashback! And besides, did it have anything to do with the story?"
I'll give you the answer in one word: Definitely not.
"Who HIRED that narrator?"
Well, Lord Seth was the narrator, but then he was... detained and someone else got the job. But then he had to leave and now I have it! I'm a substitute substitute narrator.
"What I wouldn't give for a substitute substitute substitute narrator right now," sighed Squitter.
"Kirby!" agreed Kirby.
"Can you say ANYTHING other than your name?"
"Kirby!" was Kirby's answer.
Just in case you couldn't remember what was also happening, the cloud caught up. Kracko laughed evilly.
"How can he laugh? He doesn't even have a mouth?"
Don't blame me! I just explain what happens, not why it happened.