Kooky von Koopa’s Inventions

By Jingo Koopa


Koopas rushed through the halls to the throne room.

Mario: Bouncy!

The Marios were franticly jumping on Koopas. Toad jumped towards two Koopas but was hit by a Hammer Brother's hammer. The two Koopas ran to capture Toad only to be eaten by Yoshi before they reached him.

Yoshi: Yummy!

Peach: I can't do this much longer.

Luigi: None of us can do this, we're too tired from the trip.

Peach: You're right. Yoshi, get Dad and take 'im to Marrymore! Mario, Luigi! Escort them! Toad!

Toad: Yeah?

Peach: Warn the rest of the cities about the attack, then go to Marrymore. I'll meet you there!

Toad: What about you?

Peach: I'll make sure these Mushrooms get out safely! Go!

Peach was shaken by a great amount of weight that landed behind her. She turned.

Kooky: Good day, Peach.

Bowser: You're mine!

Morton: That's it! The jig is up. The sun has set. Your clock's b-b-been cleaned. I win you lose! The game is over. The fat lady has sung. The cheese has molded! Your castle is ours! You are kaput! Finito! The-

Roy: Ah shut up!


Karma: WHAT?!

Lemmy: Kooky wouldn't do that!

Cheatsy: Well he did. Even King Dad thinks we're bumbling fools! I mean... what plan have we ever ruined?

Lemmy: Come on Larry...

Cheatsy: Hey! It's Cheatsssssy.

Lemmy: Well Cheatsssssy, you know every plan save one we've ruined.

Karma: Yeah.

Cheatsy: Well, they could at least have told us what was going on. They lied to us so...

Karma: We should make their lives...

Lemmy: Miserable.

Cheatsy: We'll go in my doomship.

Karma: Alright.

Lemmy: Where's Iggy?

Meanwhile, on the road to Marrymore...

Yoshi: Yoshi tired...

The King: Zzz...

Yoshi: King getting heavy.

Mario: Mr. Potato Chip...

Luigi: My house is just around the corner.

Joe: Hey! Wait up.

Yoshi: Yoshi thought you went back on the Shroomless Prairies.

Joe: Well... I did... but the Koopa Bros...

Toad: The Koopa Bros.?!

Joe: King Koopa sent them to run our camp. They were the ones who told us to boil you.

Yoshi: Yoshi no like Koopas.

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Luigi: So they took over your camp?

Joe: Yeah, after they found out that we didn't boil you they started beating my fellow Shy Guys.

Toad: That's horrible... but we're in a hurry. The Koopas took over the castle and kidnapped Peach.

Joe: Well... I was hoping that you all could help me.

Toad: Well, I suppose you could come with me. I'm going to warn the other cities about the Koopa attack, and to muster an army. You could try and get a small army to help your friends at the camp.

Joe: Alright.

Luigi: We're going to stop at my house up ahead before going to Marrymore.

Mario: Moooooooo...

Toad: Well, we need to go now, it's a long walk to Rose Town.

Joe: Right. Bye.


Bowser: Bwah ha ha...

Kooky: Ve should order my siblings to come here to the castle.

Bowser: Why?

Roy: Come on King Dad. Even I know why we should do dat.

Morton: Don't insult Daddy dearest, slander, diss, insinuate he's stupid. And for that insult you should leave the room, vamousse, scram, goodb-b-bye, good riddance, go away, get outta here!

Roy: Ifen you don't shut your mout' I'll slug ya.

Morton: You insulted King Dad, my father, Lord Bowser, King Koopa- oww...

Roy: Dat should teach ya.

Morton: You have hurt me, now I demand a duel!

Roy started towards Morton only to be hit by a fireball.

Kooky: I suggest you refrain from damaging Morton.

Roy: Fine. But if you bother me one more time taday I'll slug ya!

Morton: You'll hafta come through me.

Roy: I'll cream ya both.

Bowser: I love the sound of children playing.


Cheatsy: Now stay behind this collumn so Kooky, Roy, and Morton won't notice ussssss.

Karma: Alright. Just remember you're imitating Kooky, I'm doing Morton, and Lemmy'll do Roy.

Lemmy: 10 4!


Kooky: Now calm down.

Lemmy (in Roy's voice): Try me, stupid!

Roy: Huh?

Karma (in Morton's voice): Don't insult my friend and brother, sibling, buddy.

Morton: Yeah!

Cheatsy (in Kooky's voice): I will now severly damage your cranium Roy!

Karma: (whispering) Cheatsy, what does that mean?

Cheatsy: (whispering) I'm not ssssssure.

Roy took a swing and hit Kooky, who retalliated by blowing a ball of fire at Roy.

Roy: Ahhhhhh!

Roy started pounding Morton. Kooky jumped on Roy.


Roy couldn't hold Kooky up any longer and fell on Morton.

Morton: Yeouuuch!

Cheatsy (in Kooky's voice): Stop damaging my persssssonage!

The fight stopped.

Kooky: I didn't say that.

Morton: And you don't hiss.

Roy: There's only one person who does.

Lemmy: *cough cough*

Cheatsy: Let's get outta here!

They started to run but Kooky jumped and landed, shaking the ground and causing Lemmy, Karma, and Cheatsy to fall. Roy, Kooky, and Morton ran up and grabbed them.

Kooky: Vat have ve here?

Karma batted her eyelashes.

Karma: Hi Kooky...

Kooky: That's not going to trick my personage today... I mean... erm...

Cheatsy: We know your perssssssonality wasn't changed.

Kooky: How-

Roy: Ah shut up! Let's just beat 'em up.

Morton: Yeah.

Karma: Kooky-

Lemmy: Don't-

Cheatsy: Let-

Karma: Them-

Lemmy: Beat-

Cheatsy: Us-

Karma: Up!

Kooky: As a matter of fact I intend to assist them.

Karma: You wouldn't hit a girl.

Kooky: You're right. We'll just throw you in the dungeon for a day or two.

Karma: But-

Roy: Ifen you don't head to da dungeon I'll make you our servant for two weeks.

Karma: Alright.

Lemmy: This is-

Cheatsy: Gonna hurt.


Luigi: Well... it's time to go to Marrymore. Gather all you need and let's go.

Luigi took a plunger and a large sack full of items. Yoshi filled his saddle bags full of food. Mario took the newspaper Pasta Times and an eighty-foot-long pasta rope. The King took a portable TV and a golf magazine.

Luigi: Time to go! And Mario?

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Luigi: Don't forget your plunger.

Mario: I didn't.

Luigi: I don't-a see it.

Mario: Oh, I stuck it in my mouth.

Luigi: But it's two feet long... never mind. Oh, nearly forgot my vaccum.


Bowser: Well Peach, I'd like you to meet my daughter Wendy.

Wendy: I just love your castle Peach.

Peach: Thank you?

Wendy: I just did a little remodeling.

Peach: WHAT?!

Wendy: Oh, just new furniture, drapes, carpet, paint, and-


Peach bent the bars of her cage back and started beating Wendy up.

Wendy: Daaaaaaaaaaddy!!!

Bowser grabbed Peach and put her in a solid steel cage.

Meanwhile, in Marrymore...

The Marios were waiting for Toad and Joe to arrive. The King was looking at his golf magazine. Luigi glanced at it.

The King: She's hot!

Luigi: Yeah, that girl's lovely.

The King: What are you talking about?

Luigi: The lady.

The King: Huh? I was talking about her golf club.

Luigi: ?

Toad: There you are.

Yoshi: What happened?

Joe: We couldn't get an army.

Toad: They were too worried about their own defense.

Luigi: Now how are we going to beat the Koopas?

Toad: We have a plan. We could free the Shy Guys on the Shroomless Prairies from the Koopa Bros. Then the Shy Guys could create a diversion so the Koopa army will be busy while we sneak into the throne room and defeat the royal family and free the castle's army.

Luigi: Good idea.

Joe: Now we need to get some items and head to Dry Dry Outpost so we can find where my camp is.

Luigi: I have items, but don't you know where your own camp is?

Joe: Us Shy Guys are nomads.

Yoshi: We might as well get going.

Mario: Let's-a go!


Goomba: Yes sir?

Bowser: Call my Koopalings here.

Goomba: Yes sir.

Bowser: Goomba!

Goomba: Yes sir?

Bowser: Bring Fry Guy too.

Goomba: Yes sir.

Bowser: Oh, and Goomba.

Goomba: Yes sir?

Bowser: Bring Kammy and Karma.

Goomba: Yes sir.

Bowser: Goomba!

Goomba: *sigh* Yes sir?

Bowser: Hurry up will ya?

Goomba: Yes sir.

Five minutes later...

Kooky: Vell, every personage you have summoned has arrived. Vat do you require?

Roy: He still ain't speakin' English.

Morton: Wedding cake!

Bowser: Now, as we all know we have eight doomships.

A long silence follows.

Kammy: And?

Bowser: We now have sufficiant funds in the doomship account to build a ninth doomship.

Morton: Me and my sib-b-blings have had more than enough to buy four doomships each. Why call a meeting about a doomship?

Bowser: Because we need to send our doomships back to Dark Land, Pipe Land, Ice Land et cetera for defense; there have been some attacks lately. And we need to appoint an owner to this doomship because we need one here at our new castle.

Kammy: I think we should-

Bowser: I wasn't finished.

Kammy: Sorry my Lord.

Bowser: Anyway, I have decided to let the council appoint the owner.

Kooky: I'm assuming ve are to locate and decide upon candidates?

Bowser: That's right.

Kooky: Vat size is the doomship?

Bowser: Three hundred and seventy-five meters long.

Kooky: A moderate size.

Lemmy: Come on Kooky... mine is only three hundred meters. Just because Kooky's Wrath is eight hundred meters doesn't mean-

Bowser: Will the council stop bickering? Appoint an owner.

Roy: I say Kamek.

Kooky: I suggest that we appoint Karma.

Karma exchanged a nervous glance with Kooky.

Lemmy: I agree. She will be a member of the Royal family someday.

Kooky blushed.

Morton: Yeah.

Wendy: No. Kamek!

Bowser: Any further candidates? ... If not, Goomba?

Goomba: Huh?

Bowser: Pass out the ballots.

Everyone voted.

Bowser voted Kamek. Doesn't like Karma.

Kooky voted Karma. She's his girlfriend, she'd kill him if he didn't vote for her.

Lemmy voted Karma.

Iggy wasn't there?

Roy voted Kamek. Same reason as Bowser.

Wendy voted Kamek. Kamek bought her a make-up kit once.

Cheatsy voted for himself.

Morton voted Karma. Kooky stood up for him when Roy tried to hit him.

Bowser: Goomba!

Goomba: Um...

Bowser: Who?

Goomba: It's a tie.

Kooky: Vat?!

Roy: How'd dat happen?

Goomba: What do we do?

Kammy: And why am I here?

Bowser: Because you are suppose to order the doomships home. Do it now.

Kammy: Yes sir.

Goomba: What do we do?

Bowser: Goomba?

Goomba: Yeah?

Bowser: You have three days. Then you decide.

Goomba: ME?! Yes sir. Thank you sir!


Kolorodo: I say, welcome to Dry Dry Outpost!

Toad: It's been a long time Kolorodo,

Yoshi: Yoshi hungwy...

Mario: Me-a too.

Kolorodo: I am also, old bean.

Mario: Hi, Old Bean!

Toad: Do you know where the Shy Guy camp is?

Kolorodo: Terribly sorry, I don't know.

Toad: Well, let's go check this restaurant... maybe they know.

The Marios walked into the restaurant Golden Mushroom. Yoshi ran over to someone playing the piano.

Yoshi: Sam!

Sam, another Yoshi, looked up.

Sam: How ya doin'?

Yoshi: Great! Oh, I'll be right back.

Yoshi walked away and a female Yoshi walked to the piano.

Yoshiette: Play it again Sam.

Yoshi: Sam! I told you never to-

Yoshiette: Hi.

Yoshi: Out of all the restaurants in all the world, why'd you hafta come to this one?

Over by the cash register...

Toad: Well?

Cashier: I might know... what do I get?

Toad: Oh, well, if you tell us where the camp is, I won't tell Mario that you're a noodle.

Cashier: Ha! I'm a Goomba. And why would I care if you called me names?

Toad: I'll show you. Mario!

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Toad: See that waiter over there? He's a noodle.

Mario: Yum!

Mario ate the waiter.

Cashier: Okay, it's five miles south of here!

Toad: Oh, and where can I get a Kuribo's Shoe?

Back at the piano...

Yoshi: Here's to you, kid.

Yoshiette: Look, I've gotta leave.

Yoshi: You'll regret it. Maybe not today... maybe not tomorrow... but someday. And for the rest of your life.


Kooky: Morton! Lemmy! Karma!

Karma: Whaaaaaa?

Lemmy: What's the big idea?

Morton: Yeah, it's late! The sun has set. This side of the planet is facing away from the sun-

Karma: Why'd you get us out of bed?

Morton: Yeah, that's not very fluffy.

Kooky: Vat?

Lemmy: Oh, Morton decided that since wedding cake is fluffy, calling something fluffy is a compliment... and if it isn't...

Kooky: Vell, I have assembled yourselves here at this particular moment to discuss Goomba's vote.

Lemmy leaned against Morton and fell asleep.

Kooky: That's pathetic. Anyvay, ve need to be really nice to Goomba so ve get his vote.

Karma: Duh! You idiot!

Kooky: Vat?!

Karma: We figured that out ourselves!

Kooky: But-

Karma: Good night!

Karma stormed off to her room.

Kooky: Sorry...

Morton: I'll forgive you if you'll grab Lemmy.

Kooky: Sure. You aren't mad at me are you?

Morton: Nah.

Kooky: Vell, you vant to create a strategy so ve get Goomba's vote?

Morton: Sure.


Ninjakoopa Red: Well-

Ninjakoopa Yellow: Well-

Ninjakoopa Green: Well-

Ninjakoopa Black: What have we here?

Mario: I'm-a Mario!

Ninjakoopa Red: Even the great Mario gives in to the-

Koopa Bros.: Koopa Brothers!

Ninjakoopa Green: Uh... What do we do with him now?

Ninjakoopa Yellow: Yeah.

Ninjakoopa Black: Well, I...

Ninjakoopa Red: Well I guess you're not good leadership material.

Ninjakoopa Black: I'm doin' better than you! Last time you were in charge we couldn't even catch Mario!

Ninjakoopa Red: Uh... he gave himself up at the gate.

Ninjakoopa Black: Details, details.

Ninjakoopa Red: Then what do we do with Mario?

Ninjakoopa Black: We send him to King Koopa.

Ninjakoopa Green: Yeah!

Ninjakoopa Yellow: Huh?

Ninjakoopa Red: I have to admit that's a good idea.

Shy 2: Uh... Before we do that we have got to take him to court so he can defend himself. It's the law.

Ninjakoopa Black: Forget the law!

Shy 3: You came up with the law.

Ninjakoopa Black: Fine. Court starts in ten minutes.


Toad: Are you sure Mario can stall them long enough?

Luigi: Yes. He'll do it. Even a toddler can do some things right.

Toad: But can Mario?

Luigi: When has Mario ever kept things short?

Toad: Yeah. He's too stupid to get to the point.

Yoshi: I'm back.

Toad: Did you get all of the Fire Flowers to the jury?

Yoshi: There are four left.

Toad: Good. Hand me and Luigi one, and keep one for yourself. Does Mario have a power?

Yoshi: Yoshi think so.

Toad: What?

Yoshi: Yoshi no know.

Luigi: Do Mario and Joe know the signals?

Yoshi: Yup.

Luigi: It's vaccum time!


Ninjakoopa Black: Well?

Somebody whistles in the jury.

Ninjakoopa Black: Huh? Well, the court's heard the prosecutor's story. Does the defendant have anything to say in his defense? Or should we just send you on to Bowser?

The lights dim until there's nothing lighting the defendant's box but a disco ball and the moon. A band appears out of nowhere and starts playing.

Mario: (singing) Stop in the name of love... before you break-a my heart...

The Koopa Brothers wipe the tears from their eyes.

Ninjakoopa Red and Black: I can't send him to Bowser.

Ninjakoopa Yellow: WAHHHHHHH!


Yoshi: Pretty.

Luigi: That's the signal. *sigh* That's pretty...

Toad: Attack!

The Shy Guy jury suddenly gains fire power.

Koopa Bros.: Wha?

The jury, Toad, Yoshi, and Luigi rush the Koopa Brothers.

Ninjakoopa Red: NOW!

A horde of Hammer Brothers charge the crowd. Luigi vaccums up three Hammer Brothers and shoots them back out towards more Koopas. Yoshi eats some Koopas, then runs to  a restaurant which had an all you ca -eat sign in front of it. Koopas in the restaurant captured Yoshi in a net only to be rushed by Shy Guys.

Mario: (singing) Stop in the name of love...

The fighting stopped.

Mario: ... before you break my heart...

Toad, Yoshi, and the Shy Guys captured the Koopas and threw them in the dungeon.


Kooky: *yawn*

Morton: Yeah.

Lemmy: Oww....

Morton: Yeah.

Karma: Tired.

Morton: Yeah.

Lemmy: Wanna play a game?

Morton: Nah.

Kooky: Too tired.

Goomba: Slave one!

Morton: Huh?

Goomba: Come shine my shoe.

Morton: I already did that.

Goomba: Again!

Kooky: That's it! He's verking us too hard!

A ball of flames flies towards Goomba.

Goomba: Gaaaaah!

Kooky walks over and glares down at Goomba.

Goomba: Yes?

Kooky: Who are you going to place your vote apon?

Goomba: Well, since that flame problem... you're gonna have to work harder for my vote.

Kooky hit Goomba. Morton walked over to Goomba's other side and punched Goomba.

Goomba: OOOOOOOOWWWW! That's it! You lost my vote!

Kooky: To the contrary. Ve just gained your vote.

Morton: Yeah. If you don't vote for Karma we'll p-p-p-p-pound you!


Bowser stared at a Goomba with various bruises.

Bowser: And your vote goes to?

Goomba glanced to one side seeing Kooky getting ready to blow a fireball, then to the other side where Roy was getting ready to charge Goomba and pound him.

Bowser: Well?!

Goomba: Cheatsy.

Goomba ran out of the room.

Cheatsy: Cool...

Bowser: Fry Guy?

Fry Guy: Well... I agree with Goomba.

Fry Guy floated out of the room.

Bowser: Now what?

Roy whispered something in Bowser's ear.

Bowser: Bwahaha! We'll settle it with a fight between the three main candidates.

Karma: WHAT?!


Karma: (whispering) Kooky, can I get out of this?

Kooky: (whispering) Vell... you can appoint someone else to fight for you.

Karma: Kooky, I love you.

Kooky: I know. I'll go.

Karma grinned malevolently.

Kooky: Karma has appointed me to fight for her. *sigh*

An explosion rocked the castle.

Kooky: Vat vas that?!


Mario: The gate's been blown-a up! Now go, and do the Mario!!!

Eight hundred Shy Guys stormed Peach's castle.

Joe: Hurry up, we can't hold them up for long!

Mario: Let's-a go!


A great tongue grabbed the gaurd to Peach's cell.

Peach: I've never been so happy to see you!

Yoshi: Come to the throne room. We gonna attack the royal family!


Bowser: NOOOO!

Kammy: I'm afraid so... all of the doomships had to go defend the Koopa Kingdom.

Bowser: We still have our army.

Kooky: The entire army is busy.

Bowser: But-

Wendy: That yucky Peach is gone!

Bowser: Marios are in the castle.

Kooky: Vat?! Ve need to attack! Split up and intercept them!

Bowser: No.

Koopalings: What/Vat?!

Bowser: Karma! Go to Dark Land and see if you can't get that new doomship.

Karma left the room.

Kooky: The vepon systems aren't operational on that doomship!

Bowser: Shut up! We need to look out for the Marios!


Luigi: Vacuum ready.

Toad: Good. Suck 'em up. All of them.

Mario: For noodles everywhere!


Morton: Here they come...

Lemmy: That's no moon. It's a space station!

The Marios ran towards different Koopas.



A Bob-omb blew up near Joe.

Joe: Get closer to the Koopas!

Shy 3: At that close range we won't last long.

Joe: We've got to give them more time!


Toad: Whaaaaaa?

Lemmy started towards Toad running backwards, but because he was on a ball he was moving foward. Lemmy started throwing Patooies at Toad. Toad jumped to dodge the miniature Pirahna Plants, catching one as he jumped. He threw it at Lemmy. A shrill popping sound ensued.

Lemmy: HA! Ya missed!

Lemmy tried to run to Toad but, used to walking on his ball, he ran backwards out of the throne room. Toad looked around to pick another Koopaling to attack... and all went dark for Toad.

Peach: Toad!

Peach looked at the guilty Koopaling and grimaced.

Wendy: You're mine! What a tacky crown you're wearing!

Peach, hurt by the insult, got a bruise on her chin.

Peach: Ow.... Don't start with me! You're wearing an off-brand of make-up!

Wendy gained a black-eye.

Wendy: Noooooooo! Your maskara's running!

Peach flew back and hit the wall. She could barely move.

Peach: Begone...

Wendy: I win, I win!

Peach: Take this... baldy!

Wendy flew back through two walls and was knocked out. Star Wars music started playing. Mario pointed his hand towards Cheatsy, who flew backwards after being hit by the Force.

Mario: May the Noodle be with you.

Bowser: Join me Mario, and we can rule the galaxy as King and Plumber.

Mario: NEVER!!!

Mario charged towards Bowser.


Roy was pounding on Luigi.

Luigi: HELP!

Yoshi charged towards Roy, flicked out his tongue, and ate Roy's sunglasses.

Roy: AHHHHH! I'm not cool anymore!

Roy ran out of the room crying. Luigi ran towards Kooky while Morton attacked Yoshi.

Morton: Yoshi! By the power of wedding cake, Jolly Ranchers, pizza- Mphmphm!

Yoshi had stuck a piece of duck tape over Morton's mouth, causing him to pass out and fall, in the process dropping a shoe(?). The shoe landed on Yoshi's leg. Yoshi fell on his side and wrestled the shoe.

Luigi: Now... you will fall.

Kooky: You're right!

Kooky jumped up and landed on the ground, causing it to shake.

Luigi: Whoa...

Kooky tackled Luigi.

Kooky: You have lost... Plumber Luigi.

Luigi: My name is... BARBER!!!

Luigi rolled out from underneath Kooky and used his vacuum on Kooky's hair, combing it.

Kooky: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! My vonderful uncombed hair!

Kooky fell to the ground, too dizzy to fight any longer, but in one last futile attack, blew a fireball which hits Luigi. Luigi fell, knocked out.


Bowser: Yes. I canceled the show, Pasta Times.

Mario: For that you will pay!

Mario pulled out a piece of chedder cheese and threw it at Bowser.

Bowser: AAAAAAAAACHOOOOOO! I'm allergic to cheese! Noooooooo... ACHOO!

Mario: Ah... the power of cheese.

A horde of Koopas ran in and grabbed the royal family, then carried them away to the new doomship.

Bowser: I'll be back!

Much later...

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Peach: Isn't he cute?

Yoshi: Yoshi cute too...

Luigi: Speaking of which, I'm glad to be back in the castle.

Toad: Yeah. I'm almost glad to hear Mario say "it's-a me, Mario".

Mario: But I thought I was-a Mario! WAHHHHHHH!

Peach: Look what you've done!

Toad: *sigh* Here we go again...

The End

Iggy: HEY!

Author: Noooooooooooo! Not agai-

Iggy: SHUT UP! Unshrink me!

Author: Kay.

Mario: Who am-a I?

Toad: Sorry. I couldn't restrain them.

Author: But I-

Bowser: Hey, you!

Author: Huh?!

Bowser: Why do I always lose to Mario?!

Author: Because-

Iggy: Why was I only in two scenes?

Toad: So sorry.


Iggy, Bowser, and Mario beat up the author.

Toad: I guess this is the end.

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