Round 1 (64): Part 2
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to the second
part of the first round of Mario Madness, the first tournament of
the sixty-four players split up into
four brackets of sixteen players each with sixty-three matches-
Roy: I hate when he speaks in all those numbers. In other words, welcome back!
Crazy Packers Fan: Exactly. Anyway, we’ve got it cut down to 48 players, and we’re going to the SMB3 Minions bracket next! Our first match: #1 Tony vs #16 Goomba!
Tony: What a match-up!
Crazy Packers Fan: I know. But that’s a typical first-round match-up. Anyway, the contest is a race going through the Mushroom Kingdom course of Super Smash Bros. Melee’s Adventure Mode!
Goomba: Oh boy.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Since both racers are extremely slow,
the race takes a long time. In fact, so long that Crazy Packers Fan
decides to move on to another match
in the waiting time.
Crazy Packers Fan: While we’re waiting for that to finish, let’s waste no time in having our battle between #8 Spiny vs #9 Spiny Cheep Cheep!
Lakitu: I wonder who set up that match?
Crazy Packers Fan: This match is simple: just avoid the flow of the green Spiny Eggs that Lakitu is shooting at you. The first one to get hit loses! Ready... go!
Since Spiny Cheep Cheep swims deep underwater in a small lake nearby underneath a piece of coral, she can’t get hit by any of the annoying spiked balls, while one of the Eggs eventually rolls into Spiny.
Spiny: Ouch!
Spiny Cheep Cheep: I won?
Crazy Packers Fan: Yes. That first match is still not finished, so let’s move on to our next match: #5 Boom Boom vs #12 Stretch!
Boom Boom: Let’s go!
Crazy Packers Fan: This match will determine how well you know the bracket. Two correct answers win. Who won the match between Mechakoopa and Magikoopa?
Stretch: Magikoopa!
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Boom Boom?
Boom-Boom: Magikoopa?
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Next question. What seed number is Yoshi?
Stretch: 2!
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Boom Boom?
Boom-Boom: 17?
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Boy, are you two stupid idiots! Now try to get one right for a change! How many losers are in this tournament?
Stretch: Define “losers”.
Crazy Packers Fan: I guess that’s kind of opinionated. How many characters are in this tournament?
Stretch: Oh, that’s easy! 67!
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh brother. Boom Boom?
Boom Boom: You know what, I don’t even care. I just want to go home and play my Nintendo 64.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right! Just like Mario, you accidentally got one right! Now for the next question. What round are we in?
Stretch and Boom Boom together: Third!
Crazy Packers Fan: What was that?
Stretch: I said it first!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right, the first round! Luck or not, it’s a 1-1 tie, and here’s the game-winner. Which Koopaling is not in this tournament?
Stretch: Rocky Wrench!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s a sad answer.
Not only is Rocky Wrench not a Koopaling, he’s in the tournament
anyhow! Boom Boom?
Boom-Boom: Uh, um, I can’t think of his name right now. Just give me some more-
Crazy Packers Fan: More what?
Boom-Boom: More... more... oh, I forget what I was saying. I’ll never be a great speaker like Morton.
Crazy Packers Fan: All you out there watching this knew this would happen. That’s right, Morton is the answer, and you get the win!
Boom Boom: All right!
Crazy Packers Fan: Is that race over yet? I guess not, so let’s have another match in the meantime: #4 Hammer vs #13 Hot Foot!
Hammer: Some battle.
Crazy Packers Fan: This battle will be outlasting fireballs from a Fire Chomp and then avoiding its explosion. If you do not get hit but your opponent does, you win! Go!
The Fire Chomp fires at Hammer, who is ducking into his shell and won’t get hurt. Then it fires at Hot Foot, who is made of fire and isn’t hurt. Finally, it explodes, but both duck out of the way and survive the blast.
Hot Foot: I guess we’re going to have to do it again.
But as the Fire Chomp goes flying from its own explosion, it hits the small lake Spiny Cheep Cheep was swimming in, and it causes some water to splash out and hit Hot Foot, knocking him over.
Hot Foot: Help! Help! Call the waterfighter! Help me! I’m on water!
Crazy Packers Fan: Hammer wins!
Hammer: All right!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now to check in on that race... Uh oh.
Goomba is leading Tony by two Troopa-lengths
on the final trail to the goal. Just then, Tony jumps in his
shell and pulls his arm out of his
shell with a hammer, and hammers himself forward, past the Goomba and across
the finish line.
Crazy Packers Fan: Tony wins! On to our next battle... #3 Fiery vs #14 Big Bertha!
Big Bertha: Here comes an upset!
Crazy Packers Fan: It would be a major upset for you to beat the third seed in your bracket, but I can’t see it happening. This match is a throwback to the old Mario Party mini-game Skateboard Scamper, but Big Bertha will be underwater and Fiery overwater, both with a skateboard with propellor motors, with Big Bertha’s being more powerful to make up for being underwater. It has been tested by Ludwig to be fair. Get to the other side of the stream before the other to win! Ready, set, go!
Fiery: This should be a piece of cake... I hope.
Big Bertha gets off to an early lead,
but Fiery comes back and is all ready for the celebration when a Boss
Bass jumps out and knocks Fiery off
his skateboard.
Fiery: Great!
But at the same time, an underwater
Jelectro has stunned Big Bertha, allowing Fiery enough time to swim
back to his skateboard.
Fiery: Hey, I don’t know how to swim!
GOOSH! Fiery goes under, but ends up
landing on Big Bertha’s skateboard, as she was knocked off it as
well. He crosses the underwater finish
line to win!
Crazy Packers Fan: That was exciting! Congratulations, Fiery, for your excellent victory!
Fiery: Thank you, thank you!
Crazy Packers Fan: On to our next round: #6 Roto Disc vs #11 Jelectro!
Jelectro: Bzzt!
Crazy Packers Fan: And this will be an all-out brawl between you two, no holds barred! Ready... go!
Roto Disc simply passes through Jelectro, and neither can even touch each other.
Roy: Ho-hum. I’m glad I don’t have these two in the Boxing Ring.
Crazy Packers Fan: Just wait. This should get good soon.
Jelectro tries sending out electric waves, but they can’t touch Roto Disc. It is a complete stalemate.
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, maybe not...
Finally, Roto Disc spins so much that the orb it circles around falls, right on Jelectro, knocking him woozy.
Crazy Packers Fan: Roto Disc wins!
Roto Disc celebrates by getting back around its circle again.
Crazy Packers Fan: Wow. What a character. Yippee. Now on to our next-to-last match of the SMB3 Minions bracket: #7 Thwomp vs #10 Rocky Wrench!
Thwomp: Oor!
Rocky Wrench: What is it?
Crazy Packers Fan: It’s a sort-of aiming
contest. Both of you must be on this sheet of ice. Then Thwomp
slides towards that target, trying
to get center on it, while Rocky throws a wrench at his target, trying
to get it in the bulls eye. Ready? Go!
Thwomp starts sliding towards the target,
while Rocky misfires and hits one of the top sections of the big
circle.
Rocky: Rats! Wait a minute...
Rocky runs over to Thwomp and tries
to push him away from the target. Unfortunately for him, he gets poked
by one of Thwomp’s thorns and Thwomp
is able to hit the target cleanly.
Crazy Packers Fan: Thwomp wins!
Thwomp: Oor!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now time for the
final match of the SMB3 Minions section of the bracket! It’s #2 Boomer
vs #15 Koopa Troopa!
Boomer: I’m ready!
Koopa Troopa: Okay!
Crazy Packers Fan: This is a simple
little game. It’s the classic Goomba Stomp. Jump on the first Goomba’s
head and keep on hopping down the line
of Goombas. Whoever makes it farther before touching the ground
wins! You’re first, Koopa Troopa!
Koopa Troopa starts jumping across the Goombas when he suddenly thinks of an idea. Quickly, he gets in his shell and blazes through the rest of the Goombas, while staying in mid-air with his quick speed.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s all 100 for Koopa Troopa! Your turn, Boomer!
Boomer: He can sort-of cheat, so I will too!
Boomer throws a boomerang as hard as he possibly can. His shot goes through all the Goombas and comes back to him.
Boomer: I’m ready for overtime!
Crazy Packers Fan: Actually, there won’t even be overtime.
Boomer: Why not?
Crazy Packers Fan: Since you were on
the ground the whole time, you get zero points and are disqualified!
Koopa Troopa is the winner, being the
lowest seed to win a match and pulling off the biggest upset of the
tournament so far!
Koopa Troopa: Yay! *makes the sound that he makes in Mario Party*
Crazy Packers Fan: So that’s it for
the SMB3 Minions round! Now for our best round of all, the Super Koopas
round! Roy and Larry will join me as
commentators here about these special competitors.
Crazy Packers Fan, Roy, and Larry are sitting at a table like normal sports broadcasters.
Crazy Packers Fan: So who do you think is a clear favorite to run the table to get to the Final Four, Roy?
Roy: Well, you’ve got the #1 seed in
Misty Koopa, whose got a lot of fan support, but you can’t find a
clearer favorite than #3 Lord Seth!
Crazy Packers Fan: But you’re just saying that because he’s your second-favorite tourist, right?
Roy: He is, behind you, of course, but that’s not why. He’s got invincibility skills and a lot of secret weapons he can pull on his opponents. I expect a good run from him.
Crazy Packers Fan: Larry, who are your favorites?
Larry: Well, I think that #5 Rachelle
is certainly one to watch out for, as once she gets going, she could be
unstoppable. But you can’t look past
#2 Husky/Washu for more depth in a line-up, the only one with two on
one team!
Crazy Packers Fan: True. Do you two see any wild cards?
Roy: Well, you can’t forget about #9 Lil Cheep Cheep. Sure, he’s against Smash, but he could do some damage in this tournament if you don’t watch out.
Larry: My sleeper pick is #10 Sandslash.
A sleeper is a pick who can surprise everyone, and Sandslash wants
revenge on most of these Super Koopas
from the Mushroom Games. I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a
spirited and emotional run to the top.
Crazy Packers Fan: Any early exits?
Larry: Well, this is tough, and I’m not saying this for sure, but I’ve got to say that #6 Arim will have his hands full.
Roy: You know, I think the early surprise exit may be made by #2 Husky/Washu, but I don’t know for sure.
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay. Let’s go to our first match, #1 Misty Koopa vs #16 Lakitu 2000!
Lakitu 2000: Why am I the lowest seed?
Crazy Packers Fan: Hey, be happy you
have a seed, as there are others out there who didn’t get in this
thing. Now you two will love this challenge.
You both seem to have a RPG you like a lot, Misty’s Pokémon and
Lakitu 2000’s Final Fantasy. So pick one of your characters to fight!
Misty: I’ll choose the unstoppable Cyndaquil!
Lakitu 2000: Uh, this is tough. I’ll surprise them by choosing the cute Rikku!
Roy: This is scaring me. You let these characters in this stadium?
Crazy Packers Fan: No. These are actually
robots built by Ludwig, but they do the trick. Okay, you two, start
your battle!
Misty: Cyndaquil, use Fire Blast!
Lakitu 2000: Hey, why does she get to go-
WHOOSH!
Lakitu: (looking at a pile of wrecked robotic pieces) -first. This isn’t fair! I demand a rematch!
Crazy Packers Fan: Sorry, no rematches in Mario Madness. Larry, are you surprised at all by this outcome?
Larry: I really honestly thought that a Final Fantasy character would put up more fight than that, especially since that’s a Poké Gold character and you’re around, but obviously it wasn’t enough for Lakitu 2000. Now he’s got to start training all over again for next time.
Roy: I’ll agree, those losses are so harsh.
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, we’re on to our next excellent battle: #8 Smash vs #9 Lil Cheep Cheep! Any thoughts, Roy?
Roy: Yeah. Smash has the strength, and
certainly LCC is at a disadvantage in the size category. But who
knows in these battles?
Crazy Packers Fan: This is the good
old Mario Party mini-game Tightrope Treachery! Ludwig, Lemmy, and
Morton are down there shooting cannonballs
up. Smash is first!
Smash: I’ve got to show this Packer up after that insult of Pokémon Gold some time ago.
Smash starts on his way across the rope, but he takes only two steps when Lemmy hits him with a cannonball, causing him to plummet into Lemmy’s little ship.
Smash: Lemmy! You moron! I thought we were friends!
Lemmy: I’ve got to be fair!
Crazy Packers Fan: Ouch! Tough one for Smash! Will LCC do better, Larry?
Larry: You can’t do worse than that!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Time to pull off the upset.
Lil Cheep Cheep avoids blasts from Ludwig, who for some reason is all out after him. He is two inches from the finish line when he is finally hit by Ludwig.
Lil Cheep Cheep: YEOW!!!
However, on the way down, Lemmy blasts a cannonball, and he bounces off it back up into the air.
Crazy Packers Fan: We all expected this, didn’t we?
But Lil Cheep Cheep misses the rope and plunges into the water!
Crazy Packers Fan: Maybe not...
Roy: Does this mean overtime?
Larry: I think...
Crazy Packers Fan: You bet on it! This overtime is simple. The first one of them back up here to touch our table wins. But they don’t know that. While we’re waiting for them, let’s go to our next match: #5 Rachelle vs #12 Ludwig 222!
Larry: Hmm, I can’t see a clear-cut favorite here.
Roy: Oh, my pick here is Rachelle. I don’t know if she’ll be beat for a while.
Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll see. Rachelle’s
a Ludwig fan, but she’s up against one of the many tourists who has
taken the name or part of the name
of a Koopaling, and he’s named after Ludwig. This battle will test your
jumping skills, as you’ll have to jump
from Donut Lift to Donut Lift and try to survive. Ready? Go!
Rachelle gets off to an early lead, as Birdos are faster than Koopas, but she stands on a Donut Lift too long, which causes her to drop to a lower lift and lose time.
Ludwig 222: I hope these jumps aren’t too high, because I can’t get the height!
Rachelle: I’m hoping for no long jumps, because I have trouble with the distance.
The two of them get to the last stretch: a straight line of Donut Lifts to the finish. They are both exactly even with each other as they race for the finish line.
Crazy Packers Fan: This should be an exciting finish! Let’s see who will win...
The two cross the finish line at the exact same time, at least to anyone else’s perspective.
Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll need a photo finish!
Roy and Larry look over the photo.
Crazy Packers Fan: The vote!
Larry: Ludwig 222.
Roy: Rachelle.
Crazy Packers Fan: Arrrgh, I knew it! They split! Now I’ll have to take a look!
After a few minutes...
Crazy Packers Fan: This is maddening! I can’t tell a difference between them!
Iggy: Let me see!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, go ahead.
Iggy: Rachelle’s the winner! But now you’ve got to pay me a taco.
Crazy Packers Fan: Here you go. Rachelle wins!
Rachelle: Phew! That was close.
Ludwig 222: You know I won!
Crazy Packers Fan: Sorry, but since
Rachelle was ruled the winner, she is the winner! On to our next match:
#4 Ellie Marie Koopa vs #13 Simon!
Any picks?
Larry: I don’t know who this Simon is!
Roy: I don’t think Ellie can win a battle.
Crazy Packers Fan: Picks, not insults, you two! I don’t want to take heat over this! Now on to the match. This is a simple tug of war over a pit of lava. Ready, set, go!
Simon has more strength, but since there’s
more of the rope on Ellie’s side, she gets more time to pull. This
puts Simon on the edge of the lava,
hoping he can pull it off.
Simon: Come on, this can’t be that hard...
Simon gives a huge tug, which gets himself out of trouble. All of a sudden, conveyor belts appear beneath them and start to push them towards the lava.
Ellie: This was tough enough already!
Finally, a Podoboo shoots out from the
lava and breaks the rope, sending both players towards the lava. Simon
is able to get just a little bit of friction between his feet and the conveyor
belt, allowing him to enter
the lava pool after Ellie.
Crazy Packers Fan: Simon wins!
Both go running out of the lava and jump in the nearby lake.
Crazy Packers Fan: I’ve got to give Wario a hand for putting all this nice stuff in his stadium. Anyway, Simon has won, and we’re on to our next match... which is... Roy?
Roy: #3 Lord Seth vs-
Larry: #14 Mewd!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right. Now for this-
Smash comes running over to Crazy Packers Fan.
Smash: Who won that competition anyway?
Crazy Packers Fan: Which one?
Smash: The one I was in!
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, that one?
Smash still has not touched the table.
Crazy Packers Fan: It hasn’t been decided yet.
Lil Cheep Cheep comes jumping over to Crazy Packers Fan and jumps on to the table.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Who won?
Crazy Packers Fan: You just did!
Lil Cheep Cheep: All right!
Smash: What the heck?!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now time for that battle. This one is a simple game of tag. Both players have one Goomba to hold, and one must hit the other with his Goomba before getting hit by his opponent to win. Ready? Go!
Mewd throws his Goomba right away at Lord Seth.
Mewd: Perfect aim!
But at the last second, Lord Seth teleports away.
Mewd: Huh?
Lord Seth appears behind Mewd and nails him hard with the Goomba.
Mewd: Seth!
Lord Seth: I hate when people mess up my name like that!
Crazy Packers Fan: It doesn’t matter! The winner is-
Roy: Lord Seth, my second-favorite tourist!
Larry: Yippee.
Crazy Packers Fan: So on to our next battle! It is #6 Arim vs #11 Da Real Kooky! This is simple: all you have to do is pull the right item out of the item chest 100 yards in front of you. I’ll give you a hint about the item, and then you must race to get it. The hint is: useless in Pipe Land but still causes a change. Go!
Both race down to the chest and pull out an item.
Crazy Packers Fan: Da Real Kooky, what do you have?
Da Real Kooky: I’ve got a hammer!
Crazy Packers Fan: I’m sorry, that’s wrong, because the hammer does not cause any change. Arim?
Arim: I’ve got a Music Box!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right! A Music Box changes the music, although there are no Hammer Brothers to use it on. You win!
Arim: Yahoo!
Da Real Kooky: I’d like to file a protest... argh...
Roy: You were wrong, Larry, Arim didn’t have any trouble!
Larry: Well, wait until Husky/Washu wins!
Crazy Packers Fan: Time for #7 Richard vs #10 Sandslash! This is a simple vine-climbing race. Whoever reaches the top first wins! Ready, go!
Since Richard is faster, he is able to get up to a lead, but of course Sandslash comes back. Richard finally falls behind Sandslash and all looks lost. Just then, Sandslash reaches over and slashes Richard’s vine, causing him to go flying all the way down to the ground onto a trampoline. Sandslash then reaches the top.
Richard: That’s not fair! What do you say, Crazy Packers Fan?
Roy: Silence please.
Larry: And a drumroll, too.
Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash wins! Sorry, Richard!
Richard: That’s wrong.
Crazy Packers Fan: Time for our final
match of the first round: #2 Husky/Washu vs #15 Olivia Koopa! All
you do is jump from Autobomb to Autobomb
trying to make it to the finish line first. Ready, go!
Husky takes one Autobomb and Washu takes another. At the same time, Olivia makes a whole bunch of jumps, getting her closer and closer to the goal. Then Washu gets lucky and her Autobomb rolls her to the finish line.
Washu: I win!
Crazy Packers Fan: No, you still need Husky to cross too.
Olivia nears the finish line at the same time Husky is coming, but it looks like it’s too late for Olivia.
CRASH! Their Autobombs crash, but one of them crosses the finish line.
Crazy Packers Fan: Husky/Washu wins, as Husky has crossed the finish line too!
Olivia: Rats!
Crazy Packers Fan: So that should wrap
it up for this week! We’re down to 32, and it will heat up even more
as each player wants to make it to
the Sweet Sixteen! Until then, for Roy and Larry, I’m Crazy Packers Fan,
saying so long for now!