Mario Madness

By Crazy Packers Fan

Round 6 (Top Two)

Crazy Packers Fan: This is it, the final battle of Mario Madness! Weíve seen 62 other competitors all get knocked out trying to win Mario Madness, and only these two have survived to the final! This final
match-up is... SMW Minions Champion Charginí Chuck vs SMB3 Minions Champion Fiery! This will be a seven-part match. We all know that the first six games are pretty pointless, as the two will be tied 3-3 after them due to the fact that it must always happen to give the match excitement and suspense, but we have to play them out nevertheless. Weíre here at Wario Stadium, in case you didnít know. Here for the analysis are Roy and Larry!

Roy: In this battle, there is no possible way I can overlook Fieryís skills, and how he has got here,
making his way past some of the best. Plus, heís matched up against an overrated opponent who only got here by extreme luck and a little bit of paying off some officials here to give him the victory, who, with fair refereeing, would have not gotten the win, and furthermore-

Larry: Charginí Chuck will win!

Crazy Packers Fan: One of our favorite, most innocent characters is also here, Mr. Game & Watch!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep!

Roy: I donít like your attitude today!

Crazy Packers Fan: I donít know why Mr. Game & Watch is here, maybe just to give comic relief, or perhaps decide the winner in case itís a judgment battle and Roy and Larry are against each other. In any case, I think we may be ready for the battle, but probably we arenít.

Larry: Huh?

Roy: Why not?

Crazy Packers Fan: Maybe because the competitors havenít arrived yet.

All of a sudden, two turtles, already tackling one another, plop out of a warp pipe.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now weíre ready! If I was in a thinking mood, I would give the seven different games certain significance, but since Iím not in that kind of mood, theyíll just be randomly picked games I came up with because I had used up all my other ideas for games.

Larry: This sounds good already.

Crazy Packers Fan: The first match has to do with Mario Golf!

Fiery: Rats!

Charginí Chuck: I guess thatís a sport... and Iím good at sports... but golf?

Crazy Packers Fan: Take your club first.

Fiery and Charginí Chuck each take a club.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, whack as many Goombas as you can in thirty seconds!

Fiery: Thatís golfing?

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Charginí Chuck: Where are the Goombas?

Crazy Packers Fan: Oops, I forgot them. Well, just whack anyone else you want!

Roy: That wasnít a smart idea...


Roy: Iíll get you back for that, Chuck!

Charginí Chuck: Itís Charginí Chuck, not Chuck!

Roy: How many name-sensitive people are there?

Fiery: I donít like this already, but here goes...


Fiery: That should make a louder sound than that!

Larry: You hit Mr. Game & Watch! Since he was standing perpendicular to your club, it didnít hit him much!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep.

Fiery: Iíll keep on trying, then!

Fiery runs toward Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Uh oh, uh, timeís up!

Fiery: Aw...

Larry: No, itís not!

Roy: Donít say that-


Roy: -you moron! Ouch, by the way.

Fiery: So I can still whack someone?

Crazy Packers Fan: Who do you want to whack?

Fiery: You!

Crazy Packers Fan: No, I think timeís up by now!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep, beep!

Crazy Packers Fan: What did he say?

Larry: Two seconds to go!


Crazy Packers Fan: I ought to throw you out of Mario Madness just for that, Fiery!

Fiery: I didnít hit you!

Crazy Packers Fan: Then Iíll throw Charginí Chuck out!

Charginí Chuck: I didnít do it either!

Crazy Packers Fan: That wasnít a funny joke, Roy!

Roy: How did you know I did it?

Crazy Packers Fan: How come youíre the only one who has a golf club in your hands?

Roy: Fiery gave it to me!

Crazy Packers Fan: How come Fieryís still holding his club, and Charginí Chuck seems to be lying on the ground, with a black eye and without his golf club?

Roy: Uh... coincidence?

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep! Beep!

Larry: Timeís up, now!

Crazy Packers Fan: I know. Anyway, letís count up. Two hits for Charginí Chuck, one for Fiery, and a big MINUS ONE FOR ROY!!!

Roy: Okay, okay!

Crazy Packers Fan: Charginí Chuck wins Game One, giving him a 1-0 lead!

Charginí Chuck: Oh boy! Now Iíll lose three out of the next five games!

Crazy Packers Fan: Quiet! We need some drama! After swiftly taking a highly-disputed and much-anticipated Game One, Charginí Chuck is now up one game to zero! It is now time for Game Two, which will be reminiscent of another Nintendo 64 favorite...

Fiery: Or least favorite.

Crazy Packers Fan: Come on, everyone likes Mario Kart 64!

Charginí Chuck: Maybe everyone YOU know.

Crazy Packers Fan: What is it, everyoneís in a grumpy mood today? This is the biggest sporting event since... since... well, since last week, I guess.

Fiery: Come on, get going!

Crazy Packers Fan: Oh yes. First, you go steal go-karts off the Mario Brothers. Then, the first one
back here wins!

Charginí Chuck: Do we walk or run back?

Crazy Packers Fan: You drive back on the go-kart you steal, you nincompoop!

Roy: Thatís high-class vocabulary there! Wow!

Larry: Is it over yet?

Charginí Chuck: Iím getting tired of this.

Fiery: Me too. Can we just call it a tie?

Charginí Chuck: No! Iím winning!

Crazy Packers Fan: Then play it out! Ready, set, go!

Charginí Chuck and Fiery both run together, then start to jog, then walk, then crawl, then take taxis.
Finally, they find Mario and Luigi tuning up their go-karts.

Charginí Chuck: By order of Crazy Packers Fan, we must take your go-karts.

Luigi: I-a donít-a think thatís-a what he-a said!

Fiery: Cut out the accent and give me your kart.

Luigi: Green-a doesnít go with you-a, it goes-a with that-a stupid-looking-a turtle. He-a gets my kart-a.

Fiery: Iíll take Marioís then.

Mario shakes his head, like he can only do in his role-playing adventures. Whether he shook it yes or
no, no one can see, because the camera is at a bad angle. Meanwhile, each turtle grabs a go-kart and starts to race home.

Charginí Chuck: That was some hard work. Those two artificially intelligent guys wouldnít hand them over to us. What should I say now? How about... Iím going to win!

Fiery: You canít win!

Charginí Chuck: Oh, but I will!

Fiery: I donít even know why weíre saying this. After all, it doesnít matter until Game Seven!

Charginí Chuck: Very true, of course.

Fiery takes the lead, as you may have expected. Charginí Chuck falls behind, but tries to come back. I
guess anyone would try to come back, so thereís no reason for me saying that. Anyway, Fiery has a slight edge coming to the finish line...

Crazy Packers Fan: Fiery wins!

Roy: What a surprise.

Larry: Any more drama, this will turn into Survivor!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep beep.

Crazy Packers Fan: What now, little black flat man?

Roy: He says that Larryís joke doesnít make sense. I agree!

Crazy Packers Fan: Who cares? Weíre tied up at 1-1! Now, time for Game Three! Itís related to Mario Tennis!

Fiery: Not another sport!

Crazy Packers Fan: Both of you take turns whacking these tennis balls at each other. Whoever gets hit three times loses.

Fiery: What happens to the other one?

Crazy Packers Fan: They win!

Charginí Chuck: Itís not ďtheyĒ, itís ďheĒ.

Fiery: But then it would be ďhe winĒ, so it has to be ďhe winsĒ...

Crazy Packers Fan: Shut up about my grammar! Just get it over with!

Fiery: Does that count as a ďgoĒ?

Crazy Packers Fan: GO!!!

Fiery picks up a tennis racquet, throws a tennis ball into the air, then badly misses it.

Charginí Chuck: Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha-

Fiery throws the tennis ball at Charginí Chuck, hitting him right between the eyes.

Charginí Chuck: Iíll get you for that one!

Soon enough, the air is filled with tennis balls being thrown by each turtle. Eventually, Roy gets hit with a tennis ball thrown by Charginí Chuck and joins in the melee. He tackles Charginí Chuck, turning the contest into a fiasco.

Crazy Packers Fan: The worst part is, none of these hits even count!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep?

Larry: He says, ďWhy not?Ē.

Crazy Packers Fan: Because they didnít hit the balls with their racquets, thatís why, you nitwit!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep.

Larry: Hey, you hurt Mr. Game & Watchís feelings!

Crazy Packers Fan: Do two-dimensional people have feelings?

Larry: I guess they do.

Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, Iím sorry, Mr. Game & Watch.

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep!

Larry: He wants you to make it up to him!

Crazy Packers Fan: Iíll let you help out in Game Seven. Hereís the job...

Crazy Packers Fan whispers some stuff to Mr. Game & Watch.

Mr. Game & Watch: BEEP! BEEP!

Larry: Heís happy.

Crazy Packers Fan: So am I! I canít wait for that last battle. Okay guys, break it up!

Roy and Fiery have ganged, or gung, or whatever the past participle of gang is, up on Charginí Chuck. They are pelting him with soft tennis balls, thinking they are hurting him while they are all harmlessly bouncing off his shell.

Charginí Chuck: Bring it on!

Roy: Iíll go get my Sky Land army again!

Charginí Chuck: You call that an army? I call it a hockey team!

Roy: Army and hockey team are the same thing, you numbskull! I think youíre the Dr. of Stupidity!

Charginí Chuck: How long will it be until you hurt me?

Fiery: Will fireballs help?

Crazy Packers Fan: BREAK IT UP, YOU LOSERS!!!

Fiery: Okay! In one minute!

Crazy Packers Fan: NOW!!!

Fiery: Whatís with him today? Come on, weíll finish this job later.

Roy: Yeah, while heís enjoying his SILVER TROPHY!!! You wonít win! You canít beat Fiery!

Charginí Chuck: I beat you! I guess Fieryís better than you, then!

Roy: Ouch.

Crazy Packers Fan: Iím going to have to disqualify some contestants here in a moment!

Charginí Chuck: Weíre on our way!

Crazy Packers Fan: Could I just award the Mario Madness Cup to someone else?

Sandslash: How about me?

Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash! How good to see you!

Sandslash: It wonít be too pleasant for you if you donít keep up with your payments!

Crazy Packers Fan: Hereís your 10,000 coins!

Sandslash: Maybe you ought to let me win the thing, too!

Crazy Packers Fan: What thing?

Sandslash: The Mario Madness Cup, you moron!

Larry: Is this getting out of hand or what?

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep.

Larry: Donít say that too loud! Crazy Packers Fan doesnít want everyone to know heís just stalling to
make this story nice and looonnng.

Crazy Packers Fan: Since Fiery got some help heís not allowed to have, he automatically loses Game Three, which goes to Charginí Chuck! Charginí Chuckís up 2-1!

Charginí Chuck: Yippee! I think...

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, on to Game Four! This will be based on... uh, Luigiís Mansion, maybe?

Fiery: Not that game!

Crazy Packers Fan: Relax. Itís only remotely related. Catch a Boo Ball from this machine here, then race over and put it in your pipe. Whoever gets in in his or her pipe first wins!

Fiery: What does that have to do with Luigiís Mansion?

Crazy Packers Fan: Everything!

Charginí Chuck: Just ignore him and letís keep going. Hit the button and shoot out the Boo Balls! Hey, what did you mean by his or HER? IS THAT AN INSULT?! IS THAT A-

Crazy Packers Fan: GO!

Mr. Game & Watch hits the button on his machine and two Boo Balls shoot out of it. Fiery catches one, and Charginí Chuck the other. Each race over to the same pipe.

Charginí Chuck: Hey, whose pipe is this?

Crazy Packers Fan: Itís yours, I think.

Charginí Chuck drops his ball in the pipe while Fiery races over to the other pipe.

Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, Iím sorry, thatís Fieryís pipe.

Charginí Chuck reaches into the pipe for the ball but gets sucked into the pipe. Meanwhile, Fiery has to run over to the other pipe. He then tosses the ball in and wins Game Four!

Crazy Packers Fan: Fiery wins!

Charginí Chuck (from the stadium roof): Get me down from here!

Crazy Packers Fan: Iíll send Roy up!

Charginí Chuck: No, I can make it down myself!

Charginí Chuck comes crashing towards the ground.

Crazy Packers Fan: I hope heís all right to play the next two or three games...

Fiery: Donít worry about him! Letís move on.

Crazy Packers Fan: Right. Although the last four games have been, well, I donít know the best way to say it, uh-

Fiery: Retarded?

Crazy Packers Fan: Maybe. Anyway, now weíre going to kick it up another notch for these last three games. The fifth game is an all-out food fight.

Fiery: It sounds stupid as well.

Crazy Packers Fan: But itís a different kind of food fight. Each of you will have twelve vegetables, and youíll try to take out as many Sub-conians as you can on your trip through a Sub-con cave in a mine car. Whoever takes out more wins!

Charginí Chuck: At least that means I wonít have to walk...

Crazy Packers Fan: Jump in the warp pipe, and youíll find everything you need in the mine car!

Fiery: THE mine car?

Crazy Packers Fan: Yeah, thereís enough for both of you in one mine car!

Charginí Chuck: Iím not letting him take more than heís allowed... Look out, Fiery, Iím trying to beat
some Fire Brother to a warp pipe... and youíre the Fire Brother!

Both jump in the warp pipe.

Crazy Packers Fan: GO!!!

Roy: Do we get to watch them on the screen?

Crazy Packers Fan: Yes.

Larry: This is must-see TV!

Roy: Not in my expert opinion.

Larry: Youíre an expert, now?

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep BEEP!!!

Larry: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Roy: Shut up, Mr. Game & Watch, that wasnít funny!

Larry: Yeah, it was! Of course, it may have been indecent, but-

Crazy Packers Fan: Iíve heard enough. As for the race, letís take a look at it.

Fiery and Charginí Chuck are wrestling each other.

Roy: Letís go, Fiery!

Larry: Why are they doing that?

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep BEEP!

Larry: Youíre right, they seemed to have spilled out the vegetables, so theyíre trying to use each other to hit the Sub-conians!

Fiery: Iíve had it with you!

Charginí Chuck: We need some scoring, or weíll look like morons!

Fiery: Hey, wait, hereís one last vegetable!

Fiery tosses it at a nearby Shy Guy.

Fiery: I win!

Charginí Chuck: Not if I toss you off the train...

Before Charginí Chuck can do anything, the mine car goes flying into a warp pipe, warping the two
still-bickering turtles into Wario Stadium.

Crazy Packers Fan: Fiery wins Game Five and is now up three games to two! On to Game Six, which should be a good one. This one is a race through a Super Mario Bros. 3 level, like we saw before! Itís World 8-2!

Charginí Chuck: Not that one!

Fiery: Oh no!

Crazy Packers Fan: Just jump into the warp pipe and go!

The two turtles jump into the pipe, then come out in World 8-2. They start walking slowly through the
level, then Fiery steps into some quicksand.

Fiery: Help! Help!

Charginí Chuck: You actually think Iíd give you a hand?

Fiery: I donít want to die!

Charginí Chuck: Youíll probably come out near a warp pipe that brings you back to Wario Stadium, where youíll see me win! So long!

Fiery slowly slips through the quicksand, then comes out in a room with two warp pipes.

Fiery: Two of Ďem? What if one of Ďem leads to death? Oh well, might as well just try one.

Fiery enters the pipe on the right, then finds himself in a room full of one hundred coins.

Fiery: I must have died and went to heaven! Woohoo!

Fiery falls through the coins, able to collect twenty-five as he goes down. Then he jumps up for five more.

Fiery: Hey, why is there a pipe here? Oh well, might as well just try it.

Fiery comes out in a pipe with two Venus Fire Traps firing fireballs at him, an Angry Sun trying to set on his head, and Charginí Chuck pushing him over.

Fiery: Uh oh... I donít like where I ended up. Why didnít I just stay in that coin room? Now Iím stuck
here forever!

Charginí Chuck: Hey, out of kindness from me to you, youíd better run this way, the way Iím going!

Fiery: Why?

Charginí Chuck: This is where I ended up by not following your path! Now Iíve got this Angry Sun
trying to set on my head!

Fiery: I took a shortcut! Boy, I thought I was living out a dream, and then a nightmare!

Fiery follows Charginí Chuck to the card, jumping across Jump Blocks over a pit and a Paratroopa while ducking and dodging the Angry Sun, but Charginí Chuck snags the card first.

Charginí Chuck: I win! I think...

Both turtles jump into a nearby warp pipe.

Crazy Packers Fan: Congratulations, Charginí Chuck, youíve won Game Six,  and as we expected, itís now tied up 3-3! Itís finally time for the seventh and final game of Mario Madness, which will end this crazy tournament and finally decide whoís the real Mario Madness Champion!

Fiery: Why couldnít we have done this in the first place?!

Crazy Packers Fan: We needed the added drama and I needed to fill up space. Now, itís time for Game Seven, which will be a fight. Whoever knocks down the opponent wins! Youíll both be fighting the same opponent, who is-

A large, black shadow suddenly comes over Wario Stadium.

Crazy Packers Fan: A gigantic Mr. Game & Watch!!!

Mr. Game & Watch: BEEP!!!

Fiery: I quit.

Charginí Chuck: Then I win!

Crazy Packers Fan: No, no one can quit now. Get going with your fighting!

Fiery and Charginí Chuck both start throwing and tossing items at Mr. Game & Watch. Fiery even spits his own fireballs at him. They do no good, as the same Mr. Game & Watch we all know and love is too big to be beaten like that.

Roy: How did he get so big?

Crazy Packers Fan: I used a shrinking machine.

Larry: A shrinking machine?!

Crazy Packers Fan: Ludwig built it.

Roy and Larry: OH!!!

Charginí Chuck (overhearing the discussion): Youíre only big by accident! Youíre actually really small, for real!

Fiery: Yeah, I guess so!

Charginí Chuck: Why donít you shrink back to normal size?

Mr. Game & Watch: BEEP!!!

Mr. Game & Watch uses Vermin (pounding with two hammers), flattening Charginí Chuck.

Fiery: Those hammers are too big for me! I ought to- hey, wait a minute! I thought I was a fan favorite
here! Iím going to win! I have to! I have to!

Charginí Chuck reinflates, then kicks a football at one of Mr. Game & Watchís feet.

Charginí Chuck: Iíve had it with you! Iíve had it with this Mario Madness, too!

The ball makes Mr. Game & Watch slip as he was about to celebrate using his Alarm bell. He slips, trips, and falls.

Crazy Packers Fan: Charginí Chuck wins Game Seven, taking the match four games to three, and with it, a million coins, and moreover, Charginí Chuck is Mario Madness Champion!!!

The crowd erupts into cheer. Roy erupts too, but not exactly into cheer. Larry stares off into space, Mr. Game & Watch suddenly shrinks, Fiery shakes his head, and Crazy Packers Fan yawns.

Crazy Packers Fan: Ah, finally it's all over. Hereís your silver trophy, Fiery, and a big 100,000 coins to
go with it.

Fiery: I guess second isnít so bad.

Crazy Packers Fan: And now, hereís your one million coins, Charginí Chuck, and the Mario Madness Cup!

Charginí Chuck: YEAH!!!

Charginí Chuck holds up his golden trophy, getting a loud and crazy response from the crowd.

Roy: Thatís it, Charginí Chuck, itís over for you!

Charginí Chuck: Wow! Royís trying to kill me!

Roy shoots a Missile Bill out of a cannon, right at Charginí Chuck. Unfortunately for Roy, the Missile
Bill is angry for being awakened out of a sound sleep, so it turns around and goes back in its cannon to sleep some more.

Roy: Iím getting you, Chuck, if itís the last thing I do!

Charginí Chuck: You wouldnít dare mess with me! After all, youíll always have your ďfriendsĒ turn on you!

Roy: WHAT?! Wait a minute, yeah, youíre right. But you wonít see me hugging you anytime soon, if ever!

Crazy Packers Fan: Those two are really good friends, Larry.

Larry: Yeah, sure, whatever, um, what did you say?

Crazy Packers Fan: Anyway, Charginí Chuck wins Mario Madness, for the record. I guess thatís all here for Mario Madness, which was really fun while it lasted. Until the next crazy, long-and-drawn-out contest, Iím Crazy Packers Fan, saying-

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep beep!!!

The End

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