Musical Mayhem

By Foshi

Wendy was so unfortunate. She had six, count 'em, six stupid brothers, and even worse, her teacher told her to do a report on music. Where was she to start? Wendy had zip musical talent- no one did. Her oldest brother, Ludwig, loved to make music... but he was kind of deaf, so his music sounded awful. What would he know? Her second brother, Lemmy, was very talented at riding on his rubber ball, which was green and had a star on it. When Lemmy wasn't riding his ball, however, he was much smaller than most of his siblings. He rode his ball everywhere, but he was hardly able to walk. For this reason, the teachers let him ride his ball at school. Nah, Lemmy wouldn't know much about music either.

One year younger than Lemmy was Roy. He was a mean bully who bullied other kids, including his siblings, around. He certainly had no musical talent.

One year younger than Roy was Iggy, who was abnormally tall and wore glasses. He looked a lot like Lemmy, so sometimes he'd start a sentence and Lemmy would finish it correctly, and vice versa. He didn't have any musical talent- in fact, he didn't have any talent. Wendy was one year younger than Iggy.

One year younger than Wendy was Morton. He had darker skin than the others. Morton didn't have any musical talent, but he did have talking talent. He got in a lot of trouble in school just by talking.

Wendy's youngest brother was Larry. He loved tending to plants and was very shy and sneaky. He probably didn't have any musical talent either.

Wendy decided to take her problem to her parents, Bowser and Clawdia. She walked up to her dad, who was sitting on his throne and reading a newspaper.

"Dad," Wendy begged her father, "I'm supposed to write a report on music, and I don't know where to start!" She only got the irritating answer "Go ask your mother".

So Wendy did. But she only got the even more irritating answer "Well, ask your brothers".

Irritated and frustrated, Wendy made a groan and stomped off into the hallway. "Life is so unfair," she muttered to herself.

The kids had their own living room, which they called a lobby. Iggy was in there, reading a book, "100 Easy Talents to Impress Your Friends and Family", and was sitting in an armchair. Wendy took out a clipboard, some pieces of paper, and a pencil and walked up to Iggy.

"Iggy, what do you know about music?" she asked him.

"Music?" Iggy asked as he put his book aside. Wendy nodded. "All I know is Ludwig can't make it." He then picked up his book and continued to read. Wendy stomped her foot angrily and walked out of the lobby.

Wendy walked through the kids' hallway. She knew Ludwig was always in his room, inventing. Although she normally didn't want to disturb Ludwig, she knocked on his door anyway.

"I'm busy in here!" Ludwig shouted back.

"But I need you!" begged Wendy. "I'm doing a report on music, and-"

Ludwig opened the door. He had a bad hairdo which looked something like Einstein's; he had this kind hair all the time. He was very, erm, enormous since he ate a lot of fish (to help his brain) and chocolate (to give him energy for inventing) and didn't work out.

"Oh, a report on music, eh?" Ludwig said. "Sure I'll help! Come in." He gestured his sister into his room, which was actually a laberatory. Wendy found a place (somewhere) to sit down as Ludwig babbled on; he looked and sounded very proud as he expressed his knowledge.

"Write this down: music is kind of like a language for all cultures," Ludwig explained. "The composer who writes it is, well, expressing him or herself by giving their piece the right tone, the right meaning, the right feel, the right theme. Music has its own alphabet; a musical piece is like a story. Hey, for extra credit, why don't you take along one of my pieces?"

"NO, thank you," said Wendy. She got up from her seat and raced for the door. Wendy immedietly covered her ears when Ludwig started to play his awful composition and yell, "See, Wendy, this is some great music!"

"Oh no," said Lemmy, who poked his head out of his room. "Ludwig's at it again. Ack!"

"I'm sorry," apologized Wendy, who was up to Lemmy's door. "It's just I'm doing a report on music, and-"

"YOU?" roared Lemmy. "Why, I oughta... oh, a report on music? Well, come in my room so I can hear ya better!"

The two siblings headed into Lemmy's room. Lemmy closed the door behind them and explained, "Well, ya see," he began, "I know it started when two dumb cavemen beat some sticks together to see what happened, and a sound was heard. They tried many other things, like rocks, logs, and their hollow heads. They got some friends together and came up with the idea of music. They made the first music band, the Rolling Stones. That's where the term 'Rock n' Roll' came from.

"Music was made to be enjoyed. No one called it music, though, until a cow got sick and sung the alphabet. This was so extraordinary that they called music 'moosick'. But, over the years, people changed it to 'music' instead."

Wendy stared at her brother. "You're not joking, are you?" she asked. She knew Lemmy loved to joke.

"Nope," Lemmy said confidently.

"Okay, thanks," said Wendy, who opened the door and left the room.

As Wendy was walking through the hallway, she bumped into Roy. He was blind, but he didn't want to wear glasses because they made Iggy look stupid, so he thought they would make him look stupid. Instead, Roy wore his snazzy black sunglasses, which only made his sight worse (at least he could see). He always wore them.

"Hey, get outta my way!" ordered Roy.

"Sorry, Roy," said Wendy, even though she knew it was Roy's fault. "Say, do you know anything about music? I need to write a report on it."

"A report? On music?" questioned Roy. "How could you do a report on music?" With that, he walked off. Wendy stomped her foot again and continued to walk down the hallway.

Soon, Wendy approached Morton's door. "I'm going to regret this," she thought as she opened the door.

Morton looked up at her. "Hey, how ya doin', wazzup, hello, hi, welcome!" Morton said quickly. He always talked like that. His siblings called it a "Mortonish accent".

"I'd like to ask you what you know about music," Wendy explained. "I'm writing a report on it."

"Oh, really?" Morton asked "Mortonly". "Well, what you really, really, really need to do is list some boring, stupid, uninteresting musical pieces by the old, dead, brilliant composers; I think some of them are," Morton scribbled the names down on a sheet of paper as he named them, "Beetowvan, Moezart, Shotstheoldwitch, and some others I can't remember; I don't know much about music so you better ask Ludwig, he knows lots..."

"Thanks, Morton," Wendy interrupted. She left immedietly while Morton still babbled on. Wendy wasn't sure which was worse, Ludwig's din or Morton's talking.

Wendy proceeded to Larry's room, the last one. Larry was not there, but there was a hole in the wall big enough for him to crawl through. It was a tunnel with a tile in the wall to the right of it. Wendy decided not to waste time looking for Larry and left the room. She sorted out the notes, wrote in some things of her own, and soon was done.

The next day, an angry Wendy kicked open the front door and showed a paper to her mom. It read:

"Your daughter does not know much about music. She made most of her report up. Her grade for her report is a C+."

Clawdia shot an angry look at Wendy. "What resources did you use for your report?" she asked firmly.

Wendy looked her mother in the eye and replied, "I did just like you said- I asked my brothers!"

The End

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