The Mario Olympics

By e2car

Little Lemmy's Land Qualifier

Foreword: This is the first Fun Fiction I've written (and posted). Enjoy!

Rated MPSH for a story which includes Mario characters plus some others, hopefully a lot of humor, and a plot involving some kind of sports.

At some newly found stadium in the Mushroom Kingdom…

e2car: Hi, I'm e2car (you probably figured that one out fast), and I'm hosting the inaugural…uh oh…

Rumble…WHAM!!! e2car gets run over by a whole bunch of people and flies into the announcer's booth.

e2car: Ow… I knew I should have started from here… Anyway, I'm e2car and I'm hosting and announcing the inaugural Mario Olympics!

Luigi: Hey, why Mario?

Luigi fireballs e2car.

e2car: Yow! Hot! It burns! Oh, right... heh heh… welcome to the inaugural Mushroom Kingdom Olympics! What you just saw run me over are the many of participants in this event! But we're not only having Mushroom Kingdom characters here today…

e2car is cut short as a blue blur, a flying two-tailed fox carrying a pink hedgehog with a hammer, and a descending red echinda enter the stadium.

e2car: Like for example, these four characters from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, (in order of entry) Sonic, Tails, Amy, and Knuckles!

An amazing roar comes from the crowd, accompanied by boos from the Mushroom Kingdom people)

e2car: Then of course no event would be complete without some evil villains!

Bowser and the Koopalings bust down the back door.

e2car: … That cost me $4,000… Here's the full list of characters!

Really long list:
Koopa Troopa

e2car: Hey, where'd these come from?

Mew Mewtwo
Mr. Game and Watch

e2car: Here are some comments from the characters…

Mario: It's-a-me, Mario!

Luigi: Of course he-a-Mario, duh! I'm-a Luigi, number one!

Yoshi: Yoshi hungry.

Mallow: I'm not gonna cry (if I lose)!

Ludwig’s invention blows up.

Goombario: I feel small…

Bombette: Don't make me mad!

Amy: I love you Sonic!

Sonic: Yaaaah!

Sonic speeds out of the stadium.

e2car: Sonic!!! Come back!

Pikachu: (I'm gonna kick Mario's butt!)

Pichu: (I heard he's smarter than most people say.)

Jigglypuff: (I think the author will decide what Mario will be like.)

Kirby inhales his microphone.

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep!

e2car: Um… I guess that all for interviews… The games will start next episode, so stay tuned! We still on? Oh right, the bracket… .It's not the Olympics after all!


e2car: It's really just a tournament! Here's the bracket for Round 1.

First round:
Mario versus Falco
Luigi versus Fox
Yoshi versus Mewtwo
Peach versus Mr. Game and Watch
Daisy versus Kirby
Geno versus Pichu
Mallow versus Jigglypuff
Bowser versus Pikachu
Roy versus Knuckles
Lemmy versus Amy
Larry versus Tails
Wendy versus Sonic
Iggy versus Bow
Morton versus Bombette
Ludwig versus Goombario
Goomba versus Koopa Troopa

e2car: NOW are we off air?!

The camera turns off.

e2car: Hey everyone, it’s me, e2car again, and today- wait, wasn’t the first part on the same day as this one? We’re doing the first round of the tournament! Stay tuned for the first part of exciting action-

Goombario: And amazing mismatches.

e2car: -plus since this TV channel’s ratings are pathetically low, there’s going to be absolutely no commercials, a special treat for those of you (if any) who are watching me run my mouth. Let’s do the opening ceremony!

Lakitu the referee flies in on his cloud.

Lakitu: Good luck everyone. Let the tournament begin!

Lakitu blows his whistle.

Luigi: That’s-a it?

Peach: Shouldn’t there be something more fancy?

e2car: … Um… we’re a little short on cash after preparing everything else.

Lakitu: Psst… I thought we had 500 coins left.

e2car: I bought a GameCube. Now keep quiet. Anyway, let’s start the first match!

Mario versus Falco

Falco: Come on, what’s the battle? I can beat this wimp at anything.

e2car: You’re not going to like this, but I had to do something to match Mario’s IQ. It’s…a coin flip!

Falco: Gimme a break…

Lakitu: Call the flip, Mario.

Mario: It’s a-me, Mario!

Lakitu: Oh boy. Falco?

Falco: Tails!

Ping! The coin appears to land on tails. Then it fizzles and melts into brown goo.

Lakitu: Hey! I thought it was a real coin, not chocolate!

e2car: Oops.

Lakitu: Oh well. Good thing I brought my lucky coin!

Falco: Tails!

Ping! It appears to land on tails again. Then it changes its mind and flips to heads.

Lakitu: Heads! Mario wins!

Falco: What the?

Mario: Here we go!

Mario makes the peace sign.

(Voting: Mario 5-2)

e2car: … That was interesting. At least much more interesting than a regular coin flip. Next!

Luigi versus Fox

Fox: Please tell me my match will be more interesting than my teammate’s.

Lakitu: You’re in luck then! This match will be simply-

Fox: Simply?

Lakitu: A projectile match! Basically you fire at your opponent. Three hits wins the match.

Fox: This is going to be a piece of cake!

Lakitu: Oh by the way, no reflectors or Arwings allowed. Nice try though.

Fox: Dang!

Lakitu: Let the battle begin!

Fox gets the advantage and gets in two lasers before Luigi realizes the battle started. Luigi, realizing he is in danger of losing already, fires tens of fireballs, rapid fire. In his haste, only two hit. Then the two dart around each other, avoiding each other’s fire. Suddenly, Luigi slumps against a rock, tired. Fox advances.

Luigi: Well, it was worth a shot.

Fox readies his laser, walking forward. Then he trips on a rock and the laser gun tumbles to the ground. Luigi, with renewed faith, quickly steps on it.

Fox: Oh crud.

Luigi slowly walks forward, aims his fireball throwing hand at Fox, and lets a fireball rip.

Fox: Yow! Ahhh! Hot!!!

Fox dashes to the fire extinguisher booth and sprays himself with white foam.

Lakitu: Luigi is the victor!

(Voting: Luigi 6-0)

e2car: Now that was an unexpected twist! Let’s go to the next battle!

Yoshi versus Mewtwo

Mewtwo: Come on, start the battle! No dinosaur is a match for me!

Yoshi: Yoshi no dinosaur.

Mewtwo: Then what are you?

Yoshi: Um… Yoshi no know.

Mewtwo: Whatever you are, I shall rise victorious!

Lakitu: This match is going to be a mini-game! It will be Chip Shot Challenge from Mario Party 3.

Mewtwo: The one where you hit the ball into the hole, right?

Lakitu: How do you know?

Mewtwo: I’m psychic, fool!

Lakitu: … Let’s begin. You go first, Mewtwo!

Mewtwo hits the ball. It rolls three feet away to the left. Then he uses his psychic powers to roll the ball into the hole.

Yoshi: Oh no! Yoshi lose! If Yoshi no win, Yoshi broke!

Yoshi eats the golf ball because he's going to lose anyway.

Yoshi: Ball taste sour. Yoshi no like.

Yoshi spits out the golf ball. It hits the edge of the hole, goes straight up, and lands in.

Lakitu: Hmm… In case of a tie, we will have our judges decide which shot was better. Mewtwo’s shot first!

The scores are “Cheater”, “0”, “1”, and “I was watching TV”.

Lakitu: Yoshi’s shot!

The scores are “10”, “11”, “1”, and “I was playing Gamecube”.

Lakitu: Yoshi is the winner!

Yoshi: Yay! Yoshi win!

Mewtwo: I’ll get the judges for this!

(Voting: Yoshi 5-1)

e2car: Wow! I never knew they judged golf shots! Let’s have the next match!

Peach versus Mr. Game and Watch

Peach: Where’s my opponent?

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep!

Peach: Oh right, he’s flat. I must’ve looked the wrong way.

Lakitu: Okay! This match we are going to have a batting contest, like the one from Super Smash Bros. Melee! You’re supposed to hit that sandbag as far as possible with the bat.

Peach: Okay!

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep beep!

Lakitu: You’re up first, Mr. Game and Watch.

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep!

Mr. Game and Watch walks over to the bat but is unable to pick it up because it’s 3D.

Lakitu: 0 feet for Mr. Game and Watch!

Peach walks up to the bat and picks it up. Since she hasn’t hit anything with a bat before, she holds it upside-down and hits the sandbag from the top down, somehow sending it backwards.

Lakitu: -39 feet for Peach! Mr. Game and Watch wins!

Mr. Game and Watch: Beep beep beep!

Peach: Aw…

(Voting: Tie 2-2 I get to choose in case of a tie, and I went with Mr. Game and Watch.)

e2car: These things get weirder and weirder… Let’s go to the cafeteria where Lakitu is!

Daisy versus Kirby

Lakitu: The match will be an eating contest!

Kirby: Yay!

Lakitu: You have to eat as much food as you can in one hour. There are one hundred pieces of food on the table. Whoever eats more wins. By the way, Daisy gets a 59-minute head start.

Kirby: Great…

Lakitu: Go! Hold on Kirby.

Daisy: I refuse to eat any of this! There are no utensils, and I’m not going to soil myself. Plus, I only prefer food from my royal chef!

59 minutes later…

Lakitu: Kirby, go!

Kirby: Yay!

Kirby inhales all the food.

Lakitu: Time’s up! The score is… Kirby 100, Daisy 0. Kirby wins!

Kirby: Hiiiiii!

(Voting: Kirby 2-2)

e2car: Did I say something about weird? Next battle!

Geno versus Pichu

Lakitu: This test will be a challenge of accuracy and speed. It’s a target contest. Targets will constantly pop up, and you have to use a projectile to smash them quickly, before they disappear! You have thirty minutes. Ready, go!

Pichu Thundershocks targets one at a time while Geno charges up a Geno Flash. Then, after a minute, Geno lets it loose. He smashes a whole lot of targets. Pichu does the same thing with a Thunder Wave. They keep using their whole-arena attack until Pichu drops down fainted after ten minutes (It hurts itself, remember?). Geno keeps going…

Lakitu: Time up! Here’s the scoreboard!

The scoreboard explodes, taking Lakitu with it.

Lakitu: Ouch… I guess the scores were too high. Well, I’ll do it manually. Hold on a sec.

Lakitu scribbles down numbers.

20 minutes later…

The scoreboard shows Geno 378,483, Pichu 99,378.

Lakitu: Geno wins!

Geno: Justice always triumphs!

Lakitu: But Pichu’s not evil!

(Voting: Geno 4-0)

e2car: Talk about big numbers! Let’s head to the next match!

Mallow versus Jigglypuff

Lakitu: I hate to say it, but this match is going to be less pleasant. It’s simple though.

Mallow: Less pleasant?

Lakitu: Yup! You’re going to be doing a mini-game version of the Action Event in Spiny Desert in Mario Party 3. Basically, you constantly move forward on a conveyor belt and you have to keep jumping over cacti. Last one to survive wins!

Mallow: Oh no

Jigglypuff: (Sounds hard.)

Lakitu: 3, 2, 1 GO!

It starts out really slow, making it a piece of cake.

Jigglypuff: (Or not.)

Then it speeds up a little bit, but not too much. Mallow still manages to almost hit one.

Mallow: Whew!

Then (guess what) it speeds up. Again. It keeps speeding up every ten seconds, until it hits the point that you have to jump constantly. Mallow has another close shave.

Mallow: Now that was close!

Unfortunately, that leaves him unprepared for the next cactus. Wham! He is hit, sending him flying into the distance.

Mallow: Waaaaaaa!

(A storm begins.)

But wait! As the camera focuses on Mallow in the distance, a faint “Jig-gglly-puffffff” is heard. Jigglypuff went flying too! Instant replay time.

Slow-mo Replay: Both hit at same time.

Super Slow-mo: Same time.

This continues until Lakitu gets the bright idea of turning the timer on that auto-stops at the time of impact.

Timer: Mallow 1:32:3333331, Jigglypuff 1:32:3333330

Lakitu: … Mallow wins!

(Voting: Mallow 4-0)

e2car: (soaking wet) Do you know how much this outfit cost? Let’s go to the next battle. Boy that is getting annoying saying that!

Bowser versus Pikachu

Lakitu: The match is-

Lakitu gets zapped by lightning.

Lakitu: Ow… The object is to avoid the lightning bolts coming from the sky, thanks to Mallow. We were going to do something different, but oh well. Um…. go!

Bowser is having a tough time dodging the lightning bolts due to his size and slowness, but Pikachu is having trouble too, being a natural lightning rod. Pikachu’s Agility helps out though.

30 minutes later…

Both contestants are tired. They slump down, back to back. The spikes on Bowser’s back cause Pikachu pain and Pikachu yelps, flying into the air, with Bowser watching with an evil grin.

Pikachu: (Owwwww!)

As Pikachu focuses on the pain in its back, it fails to notice a bolt of lightning heading straight for it. So, Pikachu gets zapped. It does not hurt it, but loses the match.

Pikachu: (Aw man.)

Bowser: Take that you wimp!


(Voting: Bowser 7-0)

e2car: These things are either interesting, weird, or both… Next battle, please! And stop focusing on me in between!

Roy versus Knuckles

Lakitu: As we have here two very powerful characters who sometimes enjoy beating the stuffing out of things, this match will be simply a 1-life match in an enclosed area!

Roy: I’ll smash this loser!

Knuckles: Coming right back at you!

Lakitu: Go!

They come at each other with the standard punches, but Knuckles’ raw power is proving to be too much for Roy.

Roy: I’m never gonna win this way!

Roy decides on using his wand to stun Knuckles, letting Roy score a couple free hits- and then some. Finally, Knuckles breaks the spell.

Knuckles: So you wanna play rough, huh?

Knuckles glides into Roy, causing him serious pain. Knuckles would be able to finish him off but he is too busy gloating (and gliding).

Knuckles: Take that! You-

WHAM! Knuckles crashes into a wall and is knocked out.

Lakitu: Roy wins!

Roy: Ha!

e2car: I said stop switching to me!

(Voting: Roy 3-3)

Lemmy versus Amy

Lakitu: This battle is going to go back a couple years! It’s going to be a race to get to the finish of the World 1 Castle (aka 1-4) of Super Mario Bros. 1! You have infinite time and lives, so get going! You win when you rescue Toad. Go!

Lemmy gets off quicker than Amy, but falls into the first lava pit.

Lemmy: I wish I knew how to jump on my ball...

Amy then jumps over the first pit, but she jumps so high she falls into the second.

Amy: Where’s Sonic when I need him?

Amy repeats the process a couple times, while Lemmy stays at the start, attempting to learn how to jump.

10 minutes later…

Amy finally gets past the two lava pits, then waits a little bit while figuring out how to get past the Firebars. She fails.

15 minutes later…

Lemmy finally figures out how to jump. He  hops over the first two lava pits.

Lemmy: I did it! I did it!

Lemmy runs into the Firebars.

Lemmy: YOW!

30 minutes later…

Both characters are past the Firebars and far enough in that Mario starts throwing fireballs at them.

e2car: We changed it to Mario so Lemmy wouldn’t have to dunk his dad into the lava.

32 minutes later…

A fireball hits Lemmy.

5 seconds later…

See above, except to Amy.

40 minutes later…

Both reach Mario. Due to Amy’s amazing jumping skill, she hits the axe first, causing Mario and Lemmy to fall into the lava.

Lemmy: HOT!

Lemmy gets burned, hops out of the lava Mario 64-style, and runs into the bag holding Toad, freeing him.

Toad: Thank you Lemmy! But Bowser is in another castle!

Lemmy: I hate it when he says that.

Lakitu: Lemmy wins!

Lemmy: All right!

Amy: I thought I won!

(Voting: Lemmy 4-1)

e2car: I said stop switching to me!

Larry versus Tails

Lakitu: Okay, this game is going to get a little explosive.

Tails: Ex- explosive?

Lakitu: Simply, it’s a game of Hot Bob-omb. Pass the Bob-omb back and forth. Whoever it blows up on loses. Begin!

The two nervously pass the bomb back and forth. It continues on for a while.

30 minutes later…

Larry: Did you light this thing?

Larry passes to Tails.

Tails: I was wondering.

Tails passes back.

Lakitu: Oops!

Lakitu lights the flame. BOOM!

Lakitu: That was fast…I guess Larry loses.

Larry: Ow.

(Voting: Tails 4-2)

e2car: Switch to me one more time and I’ll smash that camera!

Wendy versus Sonic

Lakitu: Okay! It’s another simple thing! It’s a race!

Sonic: No problem! I’m the world’s fastest hedgehog!

Lakitu: Yeah, but Wendy gets to drive an Indy car.


Wendy: I’m here!

Sonic: Ok…

Lakitu: It’s a simple race around the Indy 500 oval Finish twenty laps first to win! Ready, set, GO!

VROOM! Wendy takes off, squishing Sonic flat. Wendy then completes nineteen laps easily.

Wendy: Yay! I’m gonna win!

Sonic: I don’t like being 2D.

Sonic pulls himself off the ground. Conveniently there are twenty rows of rings scattered on the track. He quickly Light Dashes around the track twenty times, finishing barely before Wendy.

Sonic: Yes! I think…

Wendy: I think I won…

Lakitu: According to the timer (Sonic 2:03:20, Wendy 2:03:24), Sonic wins!

Sonic: Yes!

(Voting: Sonic 4-2)

e2car: I said not to switch to me!


Iggy versus Bow

Lakitu: This is one of those things you’re going to hate me for again… The contest will be a maze!

Iggy: Uh oh…

Lakitu: Simply go down pipes and hope you get lucky and warp into the next room! Each room is numbered. Reach room ten to win! Go!

Both take different pipes. Then they keep going, randomly choosing pipes, and so on.

30 minutes later…

Both end up at the start again.

Bow: Oh! I have an idea!

Bow turns transparent and floats through the walls to room 10.

Bow: I win! Ha ha ha!

Lakitu: I knew I forgot to transparent-proof those… Bow wins!

(Voting: Bow 3-1)

e2car: Aaargh!


Morton versus Bombette

Lakitu: Today’s match is-

Morton: Ooh a match is it an interesting one I hope so because a lot of the other ones were boring like the coin toss boy it would stink to be Mario because blah blah blah

Bombette: Aaaah!


Morton: Ow.

Lakitu: Anyway, the match will be a simple one- for one of you. The challenge is to be the one who keeps their mouth clamped the most. That means you have to breathe through your nose too, or you’ll suffocate. As a handicap for Morton, he gets his mouth duct taped.

Lakitu pulls out a roll of duct tape and wraps the whole thing around Morton’s mouth.

Lakitu: Go!

Morton, amazingly, manages to keep his mouth shut (literally) for ten minutes. Bombette is having an easy time. Thirty minutes later, Morton is going insane, but still hangs in there. Bombette is sleeping, yet still keeps quiet. One hour later, Morton can’t take it anymore! He pulls out his wand, removes the duct tape with a spell, and soeaks.

Morton: I can’t take it anymore! I would much rather just be able to talk away than participate in some dumb contest! Who wrote this anyway?

Lakitu: Shut up! Bombette wins!

(Voting: Bombette 3-2)

e2car: -


Ludwig versus Goombario

Lakitu: The match will be-

Goombario: Can I forfeit? I’m so small and Ludwig always has a cool invention-


Lakitu: Which just blew up in his face.

Goombario: Maybe if I’m lucky I'll still have a chance.

Lakitu: The challenge is easy, all you do is walk across this bridge-

Goombario: Wow.

Lakitu: -over lava.

Goombario: Aaah!

Lakitu: Go!

Goombario runs as fast as he can across the bridge, which inconveniently sways, snaps, and smashes into the wall. Then Goombario slides down into the lava. Meanwhile, Ludwig is slightly charred from the explosion of his machine and has yet to step foot on the bridge.

Lakitu: … Ludwig wins.

Goombario: I knew I didn’t have a chance.

(Voting: Ludwig 5-1)


Goomba versus Koopa Troopa

Lakitu: I’m not sure how intelligent these minions are either, so I guess we’re back to the coin flip!

Koopa Troopa: Heads!

Goomba: Tails!


Lakitu: Edge.

Koopa Troopa: Tails!

Goomba: Heads!


Lakitu: Edge.

Goomba: Are these flips rigged?

Koopa Troopa: I know how to outsmart it!

Koopa Troopa: Edge!

Goomba: Tails!


Lakitu:  Heads.

Koopa Troopa: Geez!

Goomba: I think they are rigged. I quit.

Lakitu: Well then, Koopa Troopa wins!
Koopa Troopa: Yes!

(Voting: Koopa Troopa 4-1)



e2car: Oh wait, I have to finish this up. Well, this has been a thrilling day of battles. Most of them were quite exciting! Well, make sure to tune in tomorrow! Bye everybody!

All losers were given one of their currency as a consolation prize.

Read on!

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