Kooky von Koopa's Inventions 2: Attack of the Clones

By Jingo Koopa

Deep in Kooky's lab, Cheatsy and the half-Yoshi half-Koopa Karma are sitting around a gigantic tube that Kooky is working on. Kooky is laying on a skateboard underneath the huge machine.

Kooky: Wrench.

Karma grabs a wrench and hands it to him.

Karma: Wrench.

Kooky: Screwdriver.

She hands him one.

Karma: Screwdriver.

Cheatsy: What am I doing here? And mind if I look at a few of your inventionsssss?

Kooky: You vill see. And no. Hammer.

Karma gives him one.

Cheatsy: Why?

Kooky: Quite simply, if you touched something of mine I probably vould not be able to locate it again. A one inch screw. You aren't known for honesty Cheatsy.

Karma hands him one.

Cheatsy: Don't you trusssssssst your own brother?

Kooky: Absolutely not. But you can do me a favor. Don't steal it, I'll need it in minute, but go upstairs and acquire from my room that test tube you tried to take this morning.

Cheatsy: Heyyyy... that wasssss Karma's fault. And that time your remote ended up in the freezer, that wasn't me either. That was Roy! And the time your favorite hammer got swiped that was not me... That wassss you! Wait, I mean... ooopsss...

Kooky: Just get the tube! Another screw.

Cheatsy goes upstairs and got the tube. Then he starts down the stairs. Karma hears something thudding or falling down the stairs.

Karma: Kooky, either another one of your formulas have spilt, turning into some weird monster that is running down the stairs to try and eat us again, or Cheatsy has fallen down the stairs.

Kooky rolls out from under his invention and runs to where Cheatsy was laying.

Kooky: You okay?!

Cheatsy: Not really...

Kooky: It's okay. The test tube didn't break.

Cheatsy: Thanks for caring.

Kooky: Hmm? Oh. You alright?

Kooky helps Cheatsy up.

Cheatsy: Besides a dented shell and a few bruises, yeah, I'm fine.

Kooky rolls under his invention again.

Kooky: Plyers.

Karma: Plyers.

Karma hands Kooky plyers.

Kooky: Nut.

Karma: Nut.

She hands him a nut.

Kooky: Kiss.

Karma: Kiss.

Cheatsy: KISS?!

Karma leans over and kisses Kooky. Cheatsy blushes and starts to walk away. Cheatsy is then grabbed by Kooky's four-fingered hand.

Cheatsy: Huh? AHHHHHHHHH!

Cheatsy stares in horror and starts crying at the sight of a shot injector.

Cheatsy: Kooky... please... I'm scared of needles...

Kooky: I truly am sorry. But be brave! Ve need this for the clone.

Cheatsy: I am not terrified. I am calm. I... I... I... I can ssstand on my own two feet.

Cheatsy faints. Kooky takes a sample of his blood and puts it in a test tube.

Kooky: Let's hope this verks.


Mario: Let's-a go and watch some-a TV!

Yoshi, Mario, Toad, The King, and Luigi walk over to a couch and sit down to watch TV. Yoshi pulls over a thirty pound bag of popcorn and starts eating. The King looks up at the TV, immediately gaining red eyes and fangs. Mario sticks a plunger on his head and starts watching. Luigi starts getting over-emotional and sits there with a box of tissues.

Yoshi: Yoshi think that Yoshi and others should watch Larry Koopa Live.

Luigi: You know that show always makes me cry...

The King: We should watch golf, GOLF, GOLF!!!

Luigi: Nooo! That's too scary for me!

Mario: Let's watch a kiddy show!

Luigi: But those make me cry too...

Peach walks over to the TV and turns it off.

Luigi, Mario, The King, Toad, and Yoshi: GASP!

The King loses his fangs and the plunger falls off of Mario's head.

Peach: You all should stop watching TV so much.

They gasp again.

Peach: And that is why we're going on a vacation... away from TV.

Mario: Oh nooooooooo...


Deep in Kooky's lab, Karma and six Koopa Kids are waiting patiently- Who am I kidding? They're waiting impatiently for Kooky to stop laughing long enough for him to explain what his new invention does.

Roy: Is he gonna stop laughin' soon?

Morton: Yeah, we wanna know why we're here. What's your purpose in calling us is. We want to know why you laugh hysterically every time you try to show us an invention.

Kooky: Vell, this time I have two inventions to show. Both will change the future of the Koopa Kingdom. ZzZZzzzzzZ...

Lemmy: Uh... What's wrong-

Iggy: With Kooky?

Karma: Well, he's been editing a code all night.

Kooky: Zzz... Huh? Oh, sorry. Anyvay, let's start vith something you are familiar vith.

Kooky walks over to a table where a small object is sitting. It's a yellow jewel on a chain. Kooky picks it up.

Kooky: Recognize this?

Lemmy: Whoa now! Keep that Karubie away from us!

Morton: Yeah! Why, the last time Daddy dearest used that, he was b-b-b-b-b-b-blown sky-high!

Morton is right. Bowser last used it in an episode codenamed Super Koopa. The Karubie allowed Bowser to use the same power-ups as the Marios, but only in the Real World. Although it looked like he had the upper hand. the Karubie ended up overloading and Bowser was defeated.

Kooky: That flaw has been resolved, and it is quite capable of verking here, as vell as in the Real Vorld.

Kooky presses a panel on the jewel and gains Mario's fire power.

Kooky: But now, ve move on to a newer, more efficient machine. Perhaps you all have noticed this rather large cylinder sitting in the middle of the room.

Roy: No. We didn't noticed dis giant metal clynedner as you call it. DUH! We saw da dang thin'.

Morton: Shut up Roy. Kooky was merely introducing his invention! His machine. His creation. His-

Roy: Hey! I'll pound you ifen you don't shat up!

Kooky: This is my lab! Refrain from acting like you're in charge! Here, let me explain it on your level. I'm "da" boss here.

Roy: Yeah, well I'm da boss elsewhere!

Kooky waves the Karubie in front of Roy.

Kooky: Vell, I have all of the Mario's powers right in here. I currently have the advantage. Now, this is a cloning machine. I am now capable of creating clones that can verk for us, and go to var for us. I am also capable of editing a clone's mind. For the clone I am about to show you, I have taken my body and intelligence and Cheatsy's sneakiness. I then mixed the DNA code to create a loyal clone of the Royal Family! It's not just cloning, it's Genetic Engineering!

Roy: Yo, hey! I don't like dat! I ain't not da smartest 'round-

Kooky: Precisely. I'm the smartest in this pathetic castle. I have changed the vorld while you have stared at yourself flexing your muscles in the mirror.

Lemmy: That was uncalled for.

Kooky: I must protest to that remark as vell Lemmy. He vould merely make another ignorant foolish question, so vhy bother vith listening?

Wendy: Oh, stop it boys. I'd say this will end up in another looong argument and a fight between Lemmy, Iggy, me, and Roy against you three. And I'm wearing too pretty of a dress to fight.

Kooky: Vell I see that you are no longer interested in the future of my kingdom-

Roy: Yours?!

Kooky: It vill be mine! I am the heir to the Empire!

Roy: Over my dead body!

A large arm slid over Roy's throat.

Ludvig: Your propossssal vill be accepted.

Koopalings besides Kooky: Huh?

Kooky: Let go of him Ludvig. May I present the commander of our new clone armies! He is a mixture of Cheatsy and I. He mixes my body and genius vith Cheatsy's skills and cunning.

Roy: I'm outta here!

Kooky: Ludvig, take a sample of Roy's blood.

Roy: Huh?

Kooky: Your body vill be used as the basic body for my clone troopers.


The Mario gang step off a bus into a winter wonderland.

The King: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I haven't seen a golf tournament in two hours!

Mario: Not even a stupid Soap Opera!

Luigi: Am I pale? Do I look pale to you?

Toad: Beautiful mountains, lovely sky... I hate it.

Yoshi: Yoshi need dinner and a movie! WAAAAAAAAAH!

Peach: Calm down everyone! ... Where'd you all go?

The rest of the gang has gone back into their normal TV-watching mode.

Peach: Let's go!

The Rest: Awwwwwwww...

The rest of the Marios follow Peach. Mario and Toad follow behind the others. Mario shows Toad the contents of his suitcase.

Toad: (whispering) TV...

Mario and Toad high-five.

Toad: I'm actually starting to like you Mario.

Meanwhile, in class....

Kooky: Vell, I hope you all have enjoyed today's class. As you know, I have been too busy to really teach anything of significance, so I'm glad to be back, and glad to have that clone. He's currently taking care of everything back at the lab. But anyvay, one last question. It's an easy one, don't vorry. Vat's the square root of thirty-six billion, eight million, four hundred sixty-three? Anyone? Roy?

Roy: Huh?

Kooky: Vat's the answer?

Roy: I don't not even know da question.

Kooky: Forget it. I made a small experiment before class. I had Kamek read your minds just before you took the test, and move your thoughts into a computor. Here, perhaps this vill convince you all to be better students...

Kooky types a code into a computor and the computor starts playing their thoughts.

Lemmy's Thoughts: Okay, I know I studied. I can't remember what I studied... Whoa, who's the new girl in class? Hello! I'm single over here-

Lemmy blushes.

Roy's Thoughts: (music is playing)

Roy: Hey! Dat's a good song.

Wendy's Thoughts: (singing) Pretty woman! Oh yeah that's me. I'm a pretty woman walking down the street.

Wendy: Well, I am...

The Rest of the Class: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Iggy's Thoughts: Brush three times a day, Iggy. It keeps your teeth nice and clean.

The Rest of the Class: ...

Iggy: You all should brush that many times.

Morton's Thoughts: Well, I really love this class! It motivates me to study hard. Feed my brain. Learn. Figure stuff out. Huh? That new girl noticed me! She be wondering who that tall, dark, handsome Koopa sitting back there is. Come to think of it, I am handsome. Now that I think of it I'm cunning, funny, nice, and an overall good Koopa.


Kooky: That'll be it for today.


Morton: Nice class Kooky. B-b-b-b-but, what were Karma's thoughts?

Kooky blushes.

Morton: Oh... hehe...

Karma: How's the clone, Ludvig?

Kooky: He is currently building Clone Troopers. He is capable of doing most anything, and he follows my orders... most of the time.

Karma: Most of the time?

Kooky: Vell, he has more free vill than the newer clones. It actually vorries me. But I can handle him.

Karma grabs Kooky's hand.

Karma: I'm sure you can.

Bowser (from the throne room): AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Morton: Huh? Daddy Dearest?!

Karma, Kooky, and Morton run upstairs.

Morton: What's wrong?

Bowser: Nothing.

Karma: You just screamed.

Bowser: I'm sorry I frightened you, dear Karma.

Karma: WHAT?!

Bowser: I'm sorry.

Karma: Not that, after you said that.

Bowser: Dear Karma?

Karma faints.

Morton: For once, I'm at a loss for words.

Kooky: I need to go to the lab. Come on Morton! Help me carry Karma! No, take her to the Kooky's Wrath! Vait for me there!

Kooky and Morton ran out of the throne room. Kooky runs smack into Roy.

Roy: HEY-

Kooky: Get my siblings to the Kooky's Wrath! Vhere are the Castle Gaurds?

Roy: Uh, the clones relieved them. What's wrong?!

Kooky: Just get our siblings to my doomship. Trust me.

Kooky runs to his lab, then stops. He sees Ludvig building his army just like Kooky had left him. Ludvig turns towards Kooky, blinking his striped eyes, the only difference in their bodies, in disbelief.

Ludvig: Greetings. Velcome to my laboratory.

Kooky: Vat did you do vith my father?

Ludvig: He's in the dungeon. I'm assssssuming you've sent your family to the Kooky's Wrath?

Kooky: Vhy?

Ludvig: Vell, I decided to give you a fair shot at escaping so I told my troops not to touch your doomship.

Kooky: I'm in charge!

Ludvig: Oh please. You're as smart as me. Figure it out. Who's the bosssssssss now? I am perfect.

Kooky glances around the lab.

Kooky: Vell then, tell me vat you missed.

Ludvig: I missssss nothing.

Ludvig looks to where Kooky is staring, a little yellow jewel on a necklace. He dives for it, only to be hit by a fireball blown by Kooky. He flies back and hits a wall from the force of the fire. He gets up and runs towards the Karubie, but too late. Kooky presses two panels on the jewel. Kooky, with fire power and a raccoon tail, flies upwards, shooting fireballs at Ludvig.

Ludvig: Bowzer!

The clone Bowzer runs in and plucks Kooky out of the air. He punches the Koopaling, causing him to lose his powers.

Ludvig: You shouldn't have done that. I vasssss going to let you go.

Kooky bites Bowzer's hand, making that hand let him go. With one free hand he presses another panel, immediately getting Mario's metal power, which is too heavy for the clone to hold. Bowzer drops Kooky, who runs out of the room.


Twenty Roys start chasing Kooky, who presses some more panels. He regaines his raccoon tail and flies to the Kooky's Wrath much faster than the clones can run.

Roy: Glad you're back-

Kooky: Captain! Take off!

Captain Troopa: Yes sir.


Mario: NOOOOO!


The King: Why? That's so sad. I can't believe he did it again!

Yoshi: Yoshi no can believe this.

Toad: Yeah! In every fishing show they throw the fish back after catching it.


Joe: Hey everyone!

Nobody answers. Joe sits down and watches TV with the Marios.

Peach: Can you get them to... do something other than watch TV?

Joe: WAAAAAAAAH! He threw the fish back!

Peach: I thought Shy Guys didn't like TV.

Joe: Hmm? Oh, we don't? Darn. It seems to me that we must go south.

Peach: Why?

Joe: Who wants to go outside and freeze to death?

Peach: Good point.

Joe: Ah... tropical islands, beutiful waves, and Coppertone suntan lotion.

Peach: Lotion?

Joe: Only Coppertone. You see, Coppertone gives you a sense of self-assurance.

Peach walks over to a phone.

Peach: Hello? Yes. I'd like to reserve three rooms on Yoshi's Island.

Meanwhile, aboard the Kooky's Wrath......

Morton: AHHHHHHHHH! The Minitaur is firing on us!

Kooky runs over to the steering wheel and turns the Kooky's Wrath to face the Minitaur. The Minitaur, Boswer's doomship, is docked between two mountains near Castle Koopa, being repaired.

Karma: Are you nuts?

Roy: You may have a better doomship than us, but can it face King Dad's doomship?!

Kooky: Captain! Until ve finish turning, fire broadsides and lob Bob-ombs.

The Minitaur's clone troops start firing from the deck, pummleing the Wrath. Then Bob-ombs start landing next to the troops, forcing them to stop firing and get below decks before they explode. The Wrath's lights flicker inside the command room.

Captain: The troops aboard the Minitaur stopped firing.

Kooky: Fire the new laser on those two mountains.

The figurehead of Kooky in the front of the massive 750-meter doomship fires on the two mountains. The mountains start crumbling; huge boulders fall on the Minitaur, immoblizing it.

Kooky: Head to Pipe Land, flank speed. And send a message to Koopa Brothers in Pipe Land, tell them that the Koopa Kingdom has been taken over and-

Captain: We're out of here... but, we just recieved a message from Pipe Land. The Koopa Brothers informed us that we stole this doomship and are rebelling.

Morton: Who?

Captain: Why, prince Ludwig von Koopa. He said a cloning accident caused troops that looked just like the Royal Family to siege the Wrath and-

Kooky: Enough.

Several silent minutes pass.

Kooky: Vat troops do ve have?

Captain: One hundred Boom Booms, Hammer Bros., and Sledge Bros., five hundred Paratroopas and Koopa Troopas... oh, one hundred Magikoopas-

Kamek: One hundred and one.

Koopalings: Kamek!

Kammy: Make that one hundred two.

Wendy: With their magic and my beauty we can't possibly lose!

Roy: Whatever... Now dat we got out o' da castle grounds, head to Sky Land.

Kooky: Insubordination! I'm in charge now and alvays. This is my doomship. I make the decisions! Head to the Mushroom Kingdom.

Lemmy: Huh? What's the matter with you? We shouldn't head straight into enemy territory, they'll shoot first, ask later.

Kooky: On the contrary. Ve have no options now. Ludvig and Bowzer have launched the other doomships by now, and the Crusher is docked in Sky Land.

Roy: So what difference does it make where we go?

Kooky: Because, ve could take severe damage in Sky Land or any of our kingdoms, vhereas in the Mushroom Kingdom ve vould take practically no damage unless ve got right next to Peach's castle.

Kamek: I must say, Kooky does have logic on his side.

Roy: I don't need logic. I got gut instinct! And I say we go to Sky Land!

Kooky: MY Doomship, MY orders! I am IN CHARGE!!!

Roy: I'm not da one who built a clone that went renegade-

Kooky: (whispering to Morton) I didn't know Roy knew a vord that long...

Roy: -and took over King Dad's Empire! Now lemme 'splain it nice and clear. You were in charge and look what happened! You had your chance, now it's my turn.

Kooky: Vhy not settle this on a vote?

Roy: Your hybrid girlfriend doesn't count!

Kooky: Grr... Fine!

Iggy: Count me out of this one.


Kooky votes for himself.

Roy votes for himself. He thinks he is too cool not to be the leader.

Lemmy votes for Roy. Actually, he doesn't really vote. He is just drawing on the ballot but it looks more like Roy's name.

Morton votes for Kooky. They're best friends.

Cheatsy votes for Kooky. Just before the vote Kooky waved a shot injector at him. Cheatsy got the message.

Wendy votes for Roy. She likes his sunglasses.

Iggy is too scared to vote.

Kamek: Tie vote.

Roy: It can't be!

Kooky: Did Iggy vote?

Kamek: No...

Roy: Let's have Iggy decide.

Kooky: Verks for me.

Roy: Hey, Iggy! Who do you wanna lead us?

Iggy is standing away from them and can't make out what they're saying. Roy points at him.

Roy: Who?

Iggy can't decide who Roy's talking to, so he asks who he's talking to.

Iggy: Me?

Roy's and Kooky's jaws drop.

Kamek: Iggy's in charge.

Iggy walks up.

Kamek: Congratulations! You're now our leader.

Iggy: ME?! Why me? I don't wanna be the leader! I resign!

Kamek: No can do.

Kooky and Roy: Vhy/Why?

Kamek: An elected leader can't resign unless he goes missing for a day.

Iggy: I'm gonna go get lost.

Kamek: What are our orders?

Kooky: Yeah. Who's plan?

Roy cracks his knuckles.

Iggy (terrified geek): Yours?

Kooky: Good choice.

Ten minutes pass. Everyone is staring at Iggy.

Iggy: WHAT?!

Kamek: Begging your highness's pardon, you must issue the order to head to the Mushroom Kingdom.

Iggy: Oh. Uh.. let's go!

Nothing happens.

Iggy: Please? Hio Silver? Let's bust this popsickle stand? Thirty percent sale at Walmart?

Kooky: Vould you like to appoint a second-in-command?

Iggy: Sure, you issue the orders.

Kooky: Flank speed to the Mushroom Kingdom.


Booster: (singing and dancing) Bermuda, Bahama. Come on pretty mama, to de- GAH! Mario!

Mario: It's-a Booster!

Peach: AHA! It's obvious Booster's plan is to take over the pineapple juice stand! He starts there... THEN TAKES OVER THE WORLD! HAHAHAHAAHA... ha...

Toad: Or he could just be on vacation.

Peach: Aww... That's no fun.

Booster: Actually.... Coppertone lotion gives you a sense of self-assurance... especially when you can can watch pretty waves crashing on the shore. So, even though you're here I'm having fun.

Luigi: TV!

Booster: WHERE?!

Luigi: In that shop window!

Booster and the Marios run to the TV. Peach stares after the little man in a Viking hat.

Peach: Booster too?

Joe: Yeah.... I'm just going to wander over in front of the TV and not watch it but stare at it...

Peach: No you don't.

Peach looks up at the power line heading to the island.

Peach: Time for some drastic measures.

Joe: NO! We wouldn't be able to call off the island! Then we couldn't get off.

Peach: I have a fully charged cell phone.

Meanwhile, aboard the Kooky's Wrath....

Roy: Alright, we gotta get rid o' Igg'.

Wendy: Right!

Roy: He's not fit for leadership! Right?

Lemmy: Right!

Roy: Do we have a plan?

Wendy and Lemmy: YES!

Roy: Okay, what is it?

Lemmy: Um...

Wendy: Er...

Roy: I thought you all had a plan.

Lemmy: We thought you had a plan...

Roy: Lemme think... we could throw him overboard.

Lemmy: That would kill him!

Roy: Aww... didn't think 'bout dat.

In Kooky's cabin...

Kooky: So, ve go along the secret tunnel to Iggy's room. There's a passage that ends up in front of his door. Ve grab him and run through the tunnels while Morton distracts the others and Karma guards the door. Got it? Any questions?

Karma: Yeah-

Kooky: Good. Come on Cheatsy.

Karma: But-

Karma is interrupted by a rousing round of the Mission Impossible theme. Kooky and Cheatsy run through the passages while Karma and Morton head directly to Iggy's cabin. Roy, Lemmy, and Wendy are talking to Iggy.

Morton: Roy, Lemmy, Wendy.

Roy: Hi.

Morton: Hello. I love that word! Helloooooooo! HELLOOOOO! Good day! Greetings! Good morning! Good afternoon! Gooden tag! Beunos dias! TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!

Roy, Wendy, and Iggy run away with Morton chasing, just trying  to say hello. Kooky and Cheatsy drop out of the ceiling.

Kooky: Get off my shell!

Cheatsy: Get off my arm! Ow... Get Iggy! It's a long trip down those tunnels!

Karma: Guys, instead of going back through those to take Iggy to his cabin, why not just shove him in his room now and lock him in?

The Mission Impossible theme is brought to a grinding halt.

Kooky: Huh?

Karma kicks Iggy into his cabin and locks the door.

Karma: Men can't do anything right.

Kooky grins.

Cheatsy: Our plan wasss better.


Mario Gang and Booster: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT CAN"T BE!!!

Peach: What?

Mario: The-

Luigi: Power-

Toad: Just-

The King: Went-

Booster: Out!

Yoshi: Yeah, and the TV doesn't work!

Peach: Aww, too bad.

Luigi: I'd give anything to watch a greasy Soap Opera right now.

The King: Or GOLF! NO GOLF! I'm gonna DIE!!!

Peach: Hey! What about the good old days? When we talked.

Toad: Ta-tal-talk? What is talk?

Peach: What we're doing now. Remember?

Peach projects her memories onto a cloud.

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!

Peach: Isn't he cute?

Yoshi: Yoshi cute too.

Luigi: Speaking of which.... why haven't we attacked Bowser and his-a kids?

Mario: Because of-a me, Mario!

Peach: Isn't he dreamy...

Yoshi: Yoshi had a dream... once.

Toad: *sigh*

Peach finishes.

Toad: Project more memories! It's just like TV!

Peach: *sigh*

Joe: Why don't we make our own TV show by talking?

Mario: I'm a noodle!

Peach: Well, Mario's back to normal.

Toad: I'm going to turn into a Mario if he doesn't stop!

Joe: And Toad.

Booster runs over, grabbing Peach, and runs away.

Peach: And Booster!

Mario: For noodles everwhere!

The Marios chase after Booster.


Kamek: Well, Iggy's been gone for twenty-four hours. Your leader now reverts to the owner of this doomship.

Kooky: I rarely vaste vords on happiness but, YAHOO!

Captain: Approaching Peach's castle. We're now receiving a message from the castle.

Messenger: We have recieved word that your doomship has been stolen. We are under attack, unknown enemies of the Koopa Kingdom. The doomship Infiltrator is attacking us! If you can stop them, you may keep the Infiltrator.

Kooky: Ve vill bring to a halt their attack. Captain! Fire all guns at their engine! Then prepare for boarding.

The Wrath rotates to where her starboard side faces the Infiltrator's engines and fires all broadsides, which miss everything completely. The Infiltrator goes straight down with its enhanced manuevering jets. The Kooky's Wrath does the same, only angled slightly higher.

Kooky: Fire cannons directly at it and fire Boomers just higher than the engines.

The Wrath fires it's cannons and Boomers. The Infiltrator fires Bob-ombs at the Wrath and dodges the cannons by heading straight up where the Boomers bang against her engines.

Captain: Bob-ombs!

Kooky: Launch Paratroopas! Order them to intercept the Bob-ombs and throw them against the Infiltrator's main gun! Ve vant that doomship intact.

Fifty Paratroopas fly out from the Wrath, grabbing the Bob-ombs and throwing them towards the main gun. The Infiltrator gets two shots off before its gun explode. Its huge cannonballs pound hard against the Wrath's hull.

Kooky: Move to board. Their broadsides are of no consequence. Bring Sledge Brothers vith me and my siblings. Then ve should have no casualties. Tell the Paratroopas to bombard any clones that try to attack vith small Bob-ombs.

Captain: All is ready. Shall I confirm the boarding order?

Kooky: Yes. I'll show them vat this Karubie can do...

The Wrath's 750-meter body pulls up against the smaller 340-meter doomship. Its boarding party jumps onto the Infiltrator. Kooky presss two panels on the Karubie, gaining metal and fire powers. He jumps aboard with his sibling and starts shoting fireballs everywhere. Clones of Roy are all over the place. Three clones rush towards Kooky, who presss another panel. He fires fireballs at one clone, finishing him. He jumps on the second clone while swinging his newly acquired raccoon tail at the third.

Kooky: Morton! Let's head to the command room!

Kooky and Morton run to the command room. Roy is surrounded by four clones.

Roy Clone: You're ours!

Roy shakes his head. The first clone charges towards Roy who jumpes to dodge, but the clone grabs his legs, pulling Roy down from his jump. During his fall Roy swings his fists down, hitting the clone on the head and knocking him out. The other clones stare in fear, then ran.

Roy: HA! Run from your fear!

Roy glances behind him.

Roy: Uh oh...

A giant Boom Boom is swinging its, arms trying to hit Roy. It misses, then grabs Roy. The Boom Boom is about to take a bite out of him when suddenly, a green arm hits it on the head with a frying pan. It falls.

Roy: Thanks hybrid.

Karma: Don't expect me to do it again.

In the command room, Morton is busy with a clone of himself.

Morton: Oh really?

Mortonn: Yes actually. In Brazil there are only five flavors of non-imported wedding cake.

Morton: P-p-p-p-poor people...

Mortonn: Yeah. But did you know that nobody sells Jolly Ranchers in Japan?


Kooky, in the meantime, has dealt with two more Roys, and is busy operating the controls of the Infiltrator.

Kooky: Morton! Get our side off the doomship!

Soon, all of the Wrath's troops had retreated and are busy keeping the clones off the Wrath. The Infiltrator tilts to its side, spilling the clones off. It then returns to an upright position. The battle is over.


Peach: Well, now that everyone's back to normal, I guess we should head back to the Mushroom Kingdom... Where's my cell-phone?

Mario (video game freak): Over-a here! It-a just went out of power!

Peach: Oh, that's okay, I brought a spare battery.

Mario: It's a good thing you-a brought them too, otherwise I-a wouldn't have-a got a high score on Snake.

Peach pales.

Joe: Both batteries are dead?

Mario: Dead?! Did I a-kill them?! WAAAAAAAAH!!!

Ten minutes later, Peach has rounded up the rest of the Marios, explaining about the power failure.

Toad: Now what? This is just like one of those old sit-coms.

Mario: (singing) Here on Gilligan's Isle!

Booster: So, I'm stuck on a island with you all and Mario?!

Peach: I don't like it any more than you do. Well, I have a confesion to make before I die on this island... I left the... *sniff, sob* water running before I left...

Yoshi: *sniff* That's sad....




Toad: What?! Where?!

Yoshi: Oh nothing...

Toad: Why did you all scream?

Luigi: We thought it would be cool.

Toad: *sigh*

Ten hours later...

Peach: I just don't know what to do...

Mario: If we only had a cow. I know-a we could get to a Chick-Fila-

Yoshi: If Yoshi knew where a cow was, Yoshi would bring one for you.

Mario jumps on Booster and grabs his horns.

Mario: I found a cow!

Toad: I just can't take this!

Mario jumps off.

Peach: Well, I must be going... Come on Mario...

Mario: Where are we-a going?

Peach: We're going to get married.


Toad: Don't worry, she has to have a witness.

Peach: I'll give fifty coins to you if you're my witness, Toad.

Toad: And she just got a witness.

The Mario gang walks over to the church and reads a sign.

Sign: Pastor is out. Will return in two months.

Mario: YAY!

Peach: *sniffle* So brave... even though he won't be able to marry me for a little while longer...

Mario: Hey! Let's-a go get a Coke!

Yoshi: Yoshi think that Yoshi would like Yoshi to have a Coke too.

The Marios walk over to a building with a vending machine in front of it. Mario and Yoshi get some Cokes.

Toad: If we only had a boat.

Guy: Y'all wanna rent a boat?

Toad: NO! We're trying to get off this island.

Guy: You could get off the island in a boat.

Toad: I said no! We need a boat to get off this island! Okay? Now scram!

Guy: Fine, fine.

Peach glances at a sign on the side of the building that Mario is drawing smiley faces on.

Peach: Look at what my darling plumber found!

Toad: It's a boat rental place! Hey! You!

Guy: Huh?

Toad: Can we rent a boat?

Guy: I thought you didn't need a boat, because you needed a boat to get off the island.

Mario: Even-a I'm smarter than that! We need a boat to get-a off!

Guy: Geeze, y'all wanna rent a boat or not?

Peach: Of course we want to rent a boat. Isn't that what we've trying to say this whole time?!

Guy: That'll be 50 coins.

Toad pays him and the guy pulls a miniature boat out of his pocket and hands it to Mario.

Yoshi: Yoshi don't think Yoshi can fit Yoshi into Yoshi's boat.

Guy: Huh? Oh, it's too small now but to make it larger just add water.

Toad grabs the boat and puts it on his shoulder, then he starts walking towards the ocean. Mario starts strutting around like a chicken.

Toad: What're you doing?

Mario: Rain dance!

Toad: No Mario, don't!

The boat suddenly expands, squishing Toad due to water being added by rain.

Toad: Owwwwwwww.

Booster: Let's get outta here! I'm tired of so many happy little Yoshis running around.

Later on...

Mario: We're-a home!

The Mario Gang walks through the halls into the throne room, and see none other than the Koopa Kids and the two head Magikoopas of the Koopa Kingdom!

Morton: Greetings. Hello! I love that word. HELLOOOOOOO!!! Hello! Hello, hello! Olah! Beunos dias! Gooden tag! Good afterno-

Peach: What are you all doing in my castle?!

Wendy: Saving your sorry necks. That's what.

Peach: How did you all get in?

Wendy: The front door, princess.

Toad: I'll handle this. Where is Bowser?

The Koopalings exchange glances.

Lemmy: (muttering) In a dungeon...

Toad: What's going on?

A half hour later...

The King: That's sad...

Morton: I know. I mean, how can Brazil only have three flavors of non-imported wedding cake? I think the only way to judge a country is how many flavors of wedding cake they have.

The King: Hmm... I must go see how many flavors we have. Want to come with me?

Morton nods and they leave.

Toad: It's just as well. They would have got in the way.

Kooky: But you are capable of understanding our current situation?

Peach: Yes, but... why are you telling us?

Kooky: Because, not to put too fine of a point on it, ve realize that our only vay of defeating those clones is if you help us.

Mario: (singing) I'm a little-a teapot!

Lemmy: (he claims it's singing) Here is my handle, here is my spout!

Cheatsy: And you are in our debt.

Peach: We gave you that doomship.

Cheatsy: Which wasssss mine in the firssst place.

Booster: I'll join the Koopa Kingdom if the Marios help you! SNIFITS I, 2, and 3!

Yoshi: (whispering to Toad) Yoshi forget why Booster still here.

Toad: (whispering) 'Cause we couldn't get rid of him.

Snifits 1, 2, and 3 walk in.

Snifit 1: We caught some beetles for you sir.


Snifits 1, 2, and 3: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...


Peach: Booster.

The laughing stops.

Booster: Yes my pretty?

Booster grabs her hand. Peach pulls it away in disgust.

Peach: You would join the Koopa Kingdom if we helped?

Booster: Of course. If you thought it was a good cause, I would join it.

Peach: Koopas. We accept your offer. (whispering to Toad) I finally got rid of him...

Aboard the Kooky's Wrath one hour later...

Luigi: Where's my wallet?!

Cheatsy starts to sneak away but trips over Mario, who is pretending he is a dead moose.

Luigi: HEY! Give me back-a my wallet!

Cheatsy: Ah... you dropped this wallet out of your securely fastened back pocket. Yeah.

Luigi: Yeah yourself. Huh?!

Luigi notices Cheatsy is wearing his hat. He holds his hand out, Cheatsy gives him the hat. Luigi keeps his hand out. Cheatsy hands over keys, loose change, and a rabbit.

Cheatsy: A pleasure doing buisnesssssss with you. Hehehe...

Kooky: To the Koopa Kingdom!

Mario: Let's-a go!

Meanwhile, just outside of Castle Koopa....

Ludvig and Bowzer look over their army.

Ludvig: Are they all here?

Bowzer: Yes, sir. All one hundred thousand.

Ludvig clasps his hands behind his back.

Ludvig: You are my kingdom's first army. You vill sssset the example for all future armies. You vill take over the vorld! To the doomships! Rise, and conquer the Mushroom Kingdom, Sarasaland, Yoshi's Island, and Wario's criminal empire! Go now. Erect clone towers in every city. Ve are not the Koopa Kingdom. Ve are the Clone Empire!

All of the clones march to the doomships, which then take off. Ludvig glances back for a moment to regard the doomships being built, including his own, the Clones' Fury, a new 800-meter doomship, and at an even larger doomship wedged between two mountains. Soon his kingdom would rise. Soon he would rule.

The End... for now...

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