Chapter Twelve
The Next Morning
Chef Torte’s Flagship, Maria
Chef Torte tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for the last remaining member of his Team of Terror to join him in a super secret meeting to discuss their future plans. Everyone was already getting restless. Chef Torte stared at his dry-erase board, his hands clasped behind his back. Suddenly, a paper airplane hit his neck. He whirled around, facing a nondescript Team. “WHO DID ZHAT?! TELL MOI NOW!”
Everybody pointed to everyone else and giggled uncontrollably. “Vhat’s zhis? Moi’s Team of Terror does not… giggle. Stop giggling!”
Everyone completely ignored him and kept giggling. Fortunately, before Chef Torte went ballistic and starting giving everyone the smack down, Genius Guy came waddling in with a penguin outfit on. “Hi, everyone!”
“Hi, Genius Guy… *giggle*.”
Chef Torte, fuming from being misrepresented already, walked over and smashed his slide projector controller over Genius Guy’s head. “Vhere haf you been? I told you to be very punctual vhiz zhis very important meeting!”
Genius Guy thought for a moment. “OH! You meant… punctual. I thought you meant… bring punch. Here’s some punch anyway.”
Genius Guy handed Chef Torte a two-gallon tub of Hawaiian Punch. “Vhat? Oh, zank you, Genius Guy! Moi juzt LOVES Hawaiian Punch. Still, zhe albino moose man confuses me.”
So, instead of having a very important meeting about something or other, everyone got tipsy off of Hawaiian Punch, told stories about infatuations with beautiful, albino moose princesses, and eventually fell into unconsciousness.
Fortunately, Embert Podoboo floated in and brought order. Reluctantly, Chef Torte agreed with him, and everything was back to normal, or at least as normal as the Team of Terror can get. “Ok, so here’s my plan. Ve take our fleet and go rob a bank.”
Changling sighed. “A bank? We have the strongest aerial force currently on Plit and your only idea is to rob a bank?”
“Vhat’s wrong vhiz a bank? Ist classic!”
Embert chimed in, “Still, shouldn’t we be doing something that will actually advance your image as Plit’s greatest villain?”
Chef Torte nodded thoughtfully. “Yez. Yez, Embeirt, zhat’s a very good idea. Like vhat, zough?”
“Well,” Embert began nervously, making sure he was not being laughed at, “we could attack one of the Mushroom Kingdom’s military bases.” He was suddenly gaining more confidence. “Like… like the one near Kero sewers! Yeah, that one! If we can take that over, then we can plunder all the weapons and fighters and stuff.”
Changling nodded his head, agreeing. “Yes, Master Torte, that would be a plausible move.”
Chef Torte crossed his arms, beaming. “Of course it iz! Eveiryzhing I zhink of ist genius!”
Embert stuttered as everyone started to file out. “But… but… but…”
Chef Torte kicked him out of his chair. “Stop zhis vhining, Embeirt, and prepare Maria for take off. Ist time for battle! Changling, go vhiz Genius Guy; you’re in charge of zhe Jugger Torte.”
“Apprentice!” Torte’s Apprentice came running up, punch stains all over his face. “Zhere you are. You and Vhomp go seat yourselves at zhe gun turrents!”
As everyone slowly made their ways about the ship, Chef Torte wickedly rubbed his mittened hands together, grinning maliciously. “Yez! Soon, all zhe vorld vill bow to moi!”
~*~*~*~
One hour later, Chef Torte sat comfortably in his makeshift command chair in the bridge of his beloved Maria. Embert sat some ways in front of him, his flames flying across a complicated assortment of knobs, buttons, and blinking dials. At least ten other crewmen, following Chef Torte because they thought Genius Guy was some kind of deity, sat lined along the cabin’s walls, which had been replaced with several mechanisms, just like a real battleship. Chef Torte raised a finger. “Helmsman, report!”
Embert slid his chair back, his flame retardant captain’s hat clearly visible. “All systems are a go. Shields and weapons batteries are fully charged. Energy cells are running at optimum efficiency.”
“Excellent, I see you got zhe premium fuel cells at zhat BP place. Zhose super cells just don’t cut it.” After rambling incoherently, Chef Torte continued, “Gunners, report!”
“Apprentice here. The gun batteries are ready to shred!”
“WHOMP GO WHOMP WITH GUNS!”
Chef Torte nodded at the image of his faithful crewmembers on the viewing screen that had been lowered in front of him. He touched a switch on his chair’s left arm, dematerializing the image of his Apprentice and bringing up the grim, serious face of a red-cloaked Changling. “Ist zhe Jugger Torte battle ready?”
“Affirmative, Master Torte.”
“Good, very good.” Chef Torte stood up, shaking his cape so it would look more dynamic. “Zhen onward into battle!”
Before Embert could even begin the hyper speed countdown, a blaring alarm’s scream filled the bridge. Chef Torte fell to his knees, as did everyone else except a surprised Mr. Podoboo. “What’s wrong? It’s just the ultra important warning alarm.”
Chef Torte’s ears were bleeding. “EMBEIRT! VHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ZHE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR EARS AND MY EARS?!”
Embert gave off a nervous laugh. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”
Chef Torte sat up, gauzes in his ears, as the alarm took a less urgent tone. “Vell, aren’t you going to tell us vhat it means?”
Embert looked left and right warily. “Well, it means my coffee supremo is done.”
Chef Torte gave Embert a well-deserved face full of PAN OF PAIN. As Embert was recovering, a smaller alarm sounded off. “Don’t tell me. You left zhe vateir running in your baz tub.”
Embert’s eyes widened. “I did?! Oh, wait, no. That’s just the semi-urgent alarm. Let me see what it’s going off for.”
Chef Torte rolled his eyes and sighed. “Hurry up, Embeirt. My craving of destruction and various cheeses is decreasing.” Chef Torte ate a large piece of cheese. “Yum… cheese.”
Embert’s face contorted into one of disgust as his holographic display flashed an ominous black and red and then started to overlap itself. “Strong energy signatures coming in from the east, points 15, 18, and 13. The allegiance markers are that of E-PEANUT!”
Chef Torte anxiously gripped the arms of his chair until his poor li’l hands started to hurt. “Ouch! Who made zhis chair out of Velcro? Oh, vell, doesn’t matteir. Embeirt, quick, patch in Changling.”
Changling’s image appeared before him on the holographic display. Chef Torte loved showing off his eclectic selection of high-tech equipment. Changling appeared, still calm. “Changling here.”
“Changling, Embeirt says-”
“Yeah, E-PEANUT battleships. We’ve scanned the area, and there are three of them. I’m expecting them to deploy their fighters momentarily.”
Chef Torte raised an eye. “Since vhen are you a gruff military general?”
“Since I watched too many episodes of Plit Trek.”
“Vell, at least it’s cool-looking! Now, shoot zhem out zhe sky before zhey can do zhe same to us!”
“Affirmative, sir.”
Changling’s image winked out, revealing Whomp. “Whomp need go potty bad!”
“Vell, zhen, go!”
The Apprentice was hopping up and down on one leg. “But, sir, we installed so many useless gadgetries aboard Maria that we didn’t have room for a restroom!”
Chef Torte ignored the explanation. “Vait a minute. Vhomp, didn’t ve lose you at zhat last battle?”
Whomp nervously whistled. “Whomp don’t remember that.”
“Vell, ok. Anyvay, just hold it. Ve’ve got bigger fish to fry.”
“Whomp like fish.”
“Go away, Vhomp.”
Chef Torte cancelled the hologram and called to Embert. “Embeirt! Vhat’s zhe Jugger Torte’s status?”
Embert’s face was one of confusion. “I know it sounds weird, but they weren’t attacked. It seems that they passed right over our heads. That’s… odd.”
Chef Torte was silently thanking his lucky stars. “Zhose cowards! Good riddance.”
Embert turned around, apologetically. “We could chase them, you know?”
Chef Torte dove for the control pad. “NO!!!!”
Changling interrupted a rootin’ tootin’ scuffle. “Erherm!”
Chef Torte jumped up. “Vhat do you haf to report?”
“We intercepted a rather discouraging message from them, though it was not directed at us. Judging from the speaker, Ganon, it was a direct order from the Death Egg.”
“Vell… play it!”
The message began with Ganon’s ominous voice:
“Admiral Aldran, is the fleet in position?”
The admiral’s veteran voice responded in a militaristic fashion, blunt and professional. “We’re currently relocating to the three points you indicated, one battleship per point. The other three ships under my command have gone to the other side of the world to reach their three points.”
“Excellent. The extermination vessels will arrive in 24 hours. Until then, plant the relay posts and gather as much raw energy as you possibly can, and then beam the energy to the B.A.S.S Turbo system. After that… Plit will not take up space in the universe.”
Chef Torte whined. “Hey! Zhat vas my cool name!”
“The B.A.S.S Turbo: The Blow and Suck System Turbo.”
“O…k…”
“I got it from my own ideas.”
Chef Torte fumed. “Zhat naïve fool! He zhinks he can steal my cleverly zought up names, vell… perhaps he can. But I spit on him! In zhe near future, after ve raid zhe military base, ve take zhe fight to E-PEANUT!”
Everyone cheered half-heartedly; they saw Chef Torte wringing his PAN OF PAIN in his hands. “Now, eveiryone, stop staring at my lovely visage and get a move on! Ve’re going to save Plit, and zhen ve’re going to enslave it!”
Chapter Thirteen
Maria’s Cargo Hold
Peach was the last to come back into consciousness. Maria’s cargo hold was dank and the smell of rotting food items filled the thick, heavy air. She breathed in once, filling her lungs with pain and energy at the same time. That’s when she heard a familiar voice transmitting through the absolute darkness. “Princess, you’re alive! We thought that hit from that mad chef’s frying pan had done you in.”
At Crazykoopa’s words, pain blossomed violently in her head. She reached up, feeling an exceptional knot. She tried to speak, finding it hard. “Crazykoopa? Where… what happened?”
“After we were abducted by Torte back at Tadpole Pond, Toad tried to fight his way out and ended up getting us all knocked out.”
She heard Toad’s defensive retort next. “Well, I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing!”
The princess, being her usual diplomatic self, interceded. “Quiet you two. What’s done is done. Right now… well, we could really use some light.”
Before they could plot and plan anymore, they all three heard the metal creaking of the hold’s door opening and then saw a bright shaft of light strike the ground directly in front of them. As the door opened the rest of the way, the shaft rose up, finding Peach’s face and making her turn away.
Down from the entrance steps bounced a glowing essence, a Podoboo. The princess immediately recognized it as Embert T., a participant in the last struggle with the deranged chef. “Oh, hello. Are you comfy down here?” the fireball asked cheerfully.
Crazykoopa growled, attempting to tear off his metal binds. “What do you think, traitor? You just can’t decide which side to be on, can you?”
Embert hopped up, bathing the team of heroes in warmth that did feel rather good. Still, he evoked a mysterious sense of fear with his continuous flow of burning fire and his ghostly, far away voice. “Please forgive me. I only want friends; I don’t wish to harm people. I just…” his eyes drifted off, “…feel so cool being part of a team. I’ve never been known to be terrifying before.”
It was Toad’s turn to be angry. “So that’s why you came down here? To make friends? Well you can tell that mental Torte freak that tying people up and throwing them in a cargo hold is not a good way of making friends out of ‘em!”
Embert’s voice began apologetically. “Well, no, not exactly. You see, Torte wants to loot a military base near the Kero Sewers to prepare for our battle against E-PEANUT.”
“E-PEANUT,” Peach began thoughtfully. “Isn’t that a collection of super-villains that goes around the VG galaxy spooking people?”
Embert nodded, excitable, “Yeah, yeah! And we just found out that they are planting six relay posts around Plit to gather the life force of the planet. After that they plan on destroying Plit with their entire fleet!”
“DESTROY PLIT?!” Peach screamed, ecstatic. “Why in the… I mean… THIS IS BAD!”
Embert’s whisper came back, “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.” He started to back away. “Please don’t escape. I’ll get in trouble.” With that, he hurried back up the stairs and slowly closed the metal door, plunging the room back into darkness.
Our three heroes couldn’t believe their ears. It seemed that they were helpless to save their home against its final judgment. They could only stare into the shadows, searching for the impossible miracle to save them.
Outskirts of Mushroom Village
Luigi waited silently among a close-knit bunch of bushes sparsely surrounding a guard post that was normally watched over by a Mushroomer. Today, however, it was being guarded by a Terrapin, the most elite of Bowser’s forces. The plumber hero was confident he could beat the no-good, but he knew the distraction would cost more trouble than he could’ve handled.
The time of silence sent millions of thoughts through his head. He hoped for his brother’s safety. He hoped for the safety of his friends that were in the capital at the time of Bowser’s coup. He hoped that he wouldn’t be too late to save Plit.
Finally, after a strenuous hour of waiting and thinking, the Terrapin guard growled and went off to find his replacement. Luigi sighed mentally, jumping into the guard tower and grabbing the communications unit inside. He changed the frequency to the Royal Castle and coughed, doing his best to imitate the Terrapin’s raspy voice. “Sigma 42, I copy you. What’s the problem, over?”
“It’s a massacre! The Rose Town Mushroomers and Nimbian elite are storming the village. I’ve been tied up and am preparing for death. Send the entire army, quickly!”
“Uh… I’ll…”
Luigi heard Kamek’s angered voice take over. “Are you crazy? I didn’t pick up any life forces.”
“Sir, please, before it’s too late! Agggh!!!”
Luigi smashed the unit, jumping out of the guard tower and running off. “Now I might actually be able to get in there with half the army chasing their tails.”
~*~*~*~
Luigi grimaced with each step he took, bearing the constant pain of wearing the oversized Terrapin armor he’d taken from a snoozing guard. Now he was marching in a line, though, and had found himself under the command of Larry, who was proudly brandishing his wand. Luigi plotted in between steps, trying to figure out how to get out of the ranks and back on a path to the castle. At long last, his chance came.
“Sir, if I may return to the castle,” Luigi queried, a plan already thought up.
The entire march abruptly halted, and Larry hopped back to stare at Luigi and wave his wand near the nervous plumber's head. “Why did you stop my wonderful march?! This better be good.”
“It is, sir,” Luigi mentally thanked the stars, knowing full well if it had been Ludwig or one of the other smarter Koopalings, his disguise would’ve been seen through. “I could return to the castle and fetch your flag. After all, when you crush the resisting Mushroomers and Nimbians, don’t you want King Koopa to remember you did it?”
Larry pretended to ponder the idea, but the anxious trembling of his hands gave away his ultimate decision. “Very well. Go and fetch my flag, but be quick about it!”
Luigi saluted as best as he could. “Yes, sir!” And he was off.
Rose Way
The Nimbian Elite Forces marched to a standstill, divided into five rigid lines of twenty. General Mallow dismissed his colonel and turned about face, saluting Ryan-oshi. “Sir Ryan-oshi, this is a pleasant surprise, but I must warn you. We are in haste, for you see, the Mushroom Kingdom’s future is at stake. Its capital has been overtaken.”
The frantic Yoshi hurried the warning along. “Yes, yes, I’m aware of that. I’m the one that ordered the plea for help sent. Now it seems that Bowser is not our only problem. Chef Torte has taken to the skies and has acquired a small force of airships. Frogfucious has sensed an intense battle between Stario and an enigmatic visitor from afar near Mushroom Way. Worst of all, E-PEANUT has decided to pay a visit to Plit.”
Mallow, taken aback at the news, nodded somberly. “Then things truly are out of hand. To defeat E-PEANUT alone, we will need fighters and airships, and a great many at that.”
“Yes, but the Mushroom Village has been conquered. I fear the Mushroomers’ air force is in the hands of the Koopas.”
“That’s what we wanted them to believe,” said the Chancellor as he made himself visible.
“Chancellor! I thought you—”
“I know what you thought, Ryan-oshi, but I just couldn’t hide while my people are at the merciless hands of Bowser, and if I hear you correctly, much greater troubles await you.”
Ryan-oshi was angered, but Mallow pressed the Chancellor further. “What do you mean? Where is the air force?”
The Chancellor gave a smile and chuckled lightly to himself. “We fooled that reptile by stationing two fighters in the Mushroom Village. In reality, our entire air and naval forces are located in a private harbor at Seaside Town. There,” the Chancellor boasted, “we currently have two capital airships, five battle-class airships, fifteen heavy artillery shuttles, and five full squadrons of Mushroomerian fighters. We’re quite a formidable force.”
Mallow was definitely surprised at that one. “Even we didn’t know that, and with all our intelligence agents too! Well, our compliment of air-worthy vessels isn’t nearly as large, but we do have two battleships, a doomship refurbished, and two squadrons of Sky Pop fighters. I think with our combined forces, we can successfully take the fight against E-PEANUT.” Mallow looked behind the Chancellor. “Er… where’s the princess?”
Ryan-oshi hung his head. “I failed her. Chef Torte kidnapped her, her retainer, and my friend, Crazykoopa. They are aboard his flagship, the zeppelin Maria.”
Mallow nodded. “Then we have much to do. For right now, we must rid the Mushroom Village of those dastardly Koopas. In the meantime, Chancellor, Ryan-oshi, I hope you two will go to Seaside Town and ready the Mushroomer fleet.”
Ryan-oshi thoughts were made verbally. “Wait… what about that military base near Kero Sewers?”
The Chancellor laughed. “That, Ryan-oshi, is a hoax. The only thing there is a few officers and one or two fighters. We keep these things very complicated, just in case.”
Mushroom Way
Stario levitated over an immense crater scorched black from his struggle. One eye was purple and black, swollen shut, and a bloody gash ripped from his left waist to the small of his back. Through all of this, though, his cape remained mystical and free of damage, and his sword was still blazing with positive ion energy. The golden aura that always surrounded him was still shining brightly, but it had dimmed from its earlier luminosity.
“Have you had enough, yet?” taunted Shimrra, tired but not nearly as beaten as Stario. “Now you see that you can’t possibly beat us.”
Another purple ball of dark energy caught Stario full on and enveloped him, sapping his strength away with every pulsating blast of pain. Stario screamed and fell to the ground, beaten at last. Shimrra floated down and placed his heel on Stario’s neck, lightly pressing and evoking a cringe. “Now that you’re going to die, I suppose I can tell you.” Shimrra waited for another scream of pain to escape Stario. “I’m not a part of Vuljiin’s forces, and I know nothing about him.”
Stario’s eyes widened in horrific surprise.
“I’m a part of something that only your nightmares can focus on. All you need to know before you die is that soon… the planet Plit will have fallen under us. Now, though, you have an appointment with Star Road.”
Shimrra’s heel pressed harder and harder until Stario could no longer see. The last thing he heard was a guttural scream. Before he could register it, he collapsed into a nightmarish shadow.