Curtain opens on Desert Land title screen.
A group of Mushroomers dressed in slave garbs sweat and toil under the cracking whip of Ludwig; they appear to be in a mine, as several carts and sparkling walls are visible.
Ludwig: (cracks whip) Hurry it up! King Dad’s new guest needs the diamonds pronto!
Mushroomer Slave 1: Please, master, I need a small sip of water. I can’t go on!
Ludwig: (cracks the whip at the slave) Enough talk! When you find me a hundred diamonds then we'll discuss rations. Now, keep working!
Wendy walks up, wearing diamonds on a necklace and several new rings.
Ludwig: (growling) Where did you get all that?
Wendy: What? These diamonds? Oh, King Pop gave’em to me as a present.
Ludwig: Yeah, right. You’ve been digging in the diamond vault. I told you those were for that Magikoopa guy’s plan.
Wendy: (cocks an eye) That old guy? Magikoopas are just a myth now. He’s just foolin’ you stupid guys. It takes a lady to know otherwise.
Ludwig: (smiling) Perhaps you’d like to help the slaves dig up more diamonds for your collection.
Wendy: (after glaring, stomps foot and drops diamonds into a cart) They were scuffed up anyway. These slaves can’t do anything right.
Meanwhile, a group of mushroomer slaves convene nearby.
Slave 1: So, we make a run for it tonight, right?
Slave 2: (nods) Yeah, when those goons go to sleep.
Slave 3: Why don’t we just get out of here now? They’re fighting.
Slave 2: No way. It’s too risky. If we’re caught, we’ll be done for. We have to wait until our escape is assured.
Slave 1: Right!
Slave 3: … Ok.
Mario and co. are aimlessly walking around in Desert Land on another one of the princess’ quests.
Mario: (panting) I sure could go for a big, round pizza pie right about now.
Luigi: Whoa! You’re telling me.
Toad: Why do we have to find this stupid diamond anyway?
Princess: (sighing and carrying an umbrella) I told you guys, it’s a ruby, but it’s not just any ruby, it’s the Phoenix’s Eye. Most importantly of all, legend has it that it’s inscribed with important information on how to translate the Ancients’ language around here, kind of like the Rosetta Stone over in the Real World. It’d be a major scientific breakthrough if we found it!
Mario: It’ll be a major scientific breakthrough if I don’t fall over from this heat. It’s like the sun’s against us.
Neo Sun: Not far off, plumbers!
Suddenly, an Angry Sun monster falls from the sky and starts to heat things up.
Neo Sun: Come a little bit closer! I want to spice up your lives!
Mario: Come on and try, hot breath.
Luigi: Uh, I’ll stay over here, bro. You handle him.
Toad: Gosh! Princess, quick, behind that rock!
Toad, Luigi, and the princess run behind a rock while Mario fights the Neo Sun.
Neo Sun: Only you, then? Piece of cake!
The sun dives at Mario, but the plumber dodges once and twice.
Mario: You’re going to have to be faster than that!
Neo Sun: (growling) So that’s the way you like it? How about… THIS!
The Sun charges up and releases extra blasts of heat.
Mario: Grr… it’s so… hot. I can’t even open my eyes!
Neo Sun: Now here I come!
Just as the sun is about to thwomp Mario, a Shaman drops in.
???: Leave these travelers alone. They come bearing good will!
Neo Sun: They were getting too close to the ruby. I had to stop them!
???: Yes, I know, but they’re not like the rest. They’re not like those… Koopas.
After the Shaman calms things down, everyone comes out and the sun leaves at his master’s request; the band is invited to the shaman’s hut, where they sit down and talk. The hut is full of shells, nets, fish trophies, and model ships.
Toad: Wow! It reminds me of the ocean and pirates.
???: (smiles) Yes, my small friend. I used to live in a far away land called Seaside Town. It’s to the North. Alas, I’ll never go back.
Princess: Why’s that?
???: I’m a wanted man. I used my magic to trick people and make money, so they ran me out. Eventually, don’t ask me how, I made my way here and settled down. I still remember the ocean though.
Mario: Why not just move to Water Land?
???: That’s my little secret. If only the Phoenix guardian would come back. (laugh) But that’s just a myth. I’m bound to this boundless land for the rest of my days. Speaking of that, I’m sorry Neo gave you a scare. He’s like that sometimes.
Luigi: No problem; we could’ve taken him.
???: Anyway, do any of want anything to eat?
Toad: What’dya have?
Princess: Toad!
Toad: Sorry. Yes, please.
???: (looking through ice box) Well, I have salmon, cod… and something in the back. Yuck! It’s pasta.
Suddenly, Mario, Luigi, and Toad jump up.
Trio: YUM!
Bowser and his kids, excluding Ludwig and Wendy, stand on the deck.
Bowser: (looking off the edge) Ah... the splendors of Desert Land. Soon it will be all mine.
Iggy: But Dad, what does finding a whole bunch of girly diamonds-
Lemmy: Have to do with conquering a kingdom?
Roy: Grr… they’re right. When do we get to pound somebody?
Morton: I’m hungry. I hope there’s plenty to eat.
Larry: I’m sure King Dad knows what he’s doing.
Bowser: (pats Larry’s head, making the others growl) Thank you, Larry. I know exactly what I’m doing. Or should I say, I know what he’s doing…
Everyone quiets down as a darkly-clad Magikoopa steps onto the deck from the cabin.
Larry: King Dad, who is he anyway?
Bowser: (whispering) Name’s Kerro. He’s very smart with the old ways.
Kerro: I’ve come to check on your proceedings. Have your… Koopalings reported in yet?
Iggy: (whispering to Lemmy) I don’t like him. He’s-
Lemmy: Spooky.
Iggy nods.
Bowser: Er… you’ll be glad to know they just radioed me. They’ll be done collecting diamonds tomorrow at noon.
Kerro: (eye raised) And the Mushroomers volunteered to help them?
Bowser: (half-smile) Mostly.
Kerro: Excellent. Inform me when we’ve landed near the mine.
Kerro exits.
Roy: He’s cool!
Morton: I’m hungry.
Bowser: (looking over railing again) Tomorrow I’ll have Dark Land and the newly added Desert Land under my claw. The next day, heh, who knows?
Cut to the Shaman’s pool.
Mario: (floating) This is great! A pool in a desert!
Princess: (scowling) We really need to get after that ruby. Say, (turns to the Shaman who is standing, resting) what’s your name anyway?
???: Oh? It’s… it’s Shalix.
Peach: That’s an odd name, but it’s cool. (smile)
Shalix: Thank you. So, you are looking for the Phoenix’s eye?
Toad: Yeah. (sips some juice) The princess wants it for some kind of scientific stuff.
Princess: Actually, for linguistics. The rest will follow. Do you like, protect it or something? If it’s sacred, we’ll keep away.
Shalix: Actually, yes, I’m afraid it must stay here.
Enter Luigi and Mario from pool.
Luigi: So, you’re its guardian?
Mario: Wow, what’s so special about it?
Shalix: I… I’m not at liberty to say. I hope you understand.
Toad: Hmph. Yeah, we understand. You almost let us get burned by that sun monster, you brought us all the way here saying we were good guys, and then you give us the cold shoulder. That makes perfect sense.
Princess: Toad!
Shalix: No, no, he’s right. I must say, what I really called you all here for… You see, something terrible is happening.
Mario: What… kind of bad stuff?
Shalix: Well, Bowser and his ilk have moved in and taken many villagers as slaves. He’s using their mine to find diamonds and collect them for some unknown purpose.
Toad: Bowser probably just wants to wear some fancy diamonds and a pretty dress.
Luigi: *snicker* Yeah, and a tutu!
Everyone stares at Luigi.
Princess: Cut it out you two.
Shalix: Well, it might not be so ambiguous, the purpose that is. I’m not sure how Bowser would know, but to open the entrance into the sacred temple that holds the Phoenix’s Eye, you need a massive amount of energy from the sun that has been channeled through diamonds. Perhaps they’re trying to steal the ruby.
Mario: What would they need the ruby for? Koopa’s not exactly a rocket scientist.
Shalix: That’s the other thing. One that knows the Old Ways could use the ruby as a weapon that could conquer the entirety of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Princess: So you’re saying there’s somebody else behind this? Like who?
Shalix: I have no idea.
The three Mushroomer slaves quietly skulk past two sleeping Koopalings; finally, they reach the surface.
Slave 1: We made it!
Slave 2: Quiet! They might hear us.
Slave 1: Sorry.
Slave 3: So, what do we do now?
Slave 2: Er… we keep walking. I think the village is… that way.
So, the ex-slave Mushroomers wander in the desert, looking for their village.
Mush. 3: It’s so cold at night. When I get home, I’m staying in bed all day and night long.
Mush. 1: Me too. (points to the sky) Hey… what’s that?!
Mush. 2 looks up and sees an enormous bird, shining and sparkling like the sun, flying in the sky.
Mush. 2: It’s… it’s the Phoenix!
Wendy, Ludwig, and the remaining slaves are awakened by the rumbling of the doomship touching down. The Koopalings anxiously rush out to meet their dad and his accomplice.
Ludwig: (nervously) D…Dad! I told you we weren’t ready yet.
Kerro: The supply you have is more than enough.
Kerro's eyes glow.
Bowser: Your supply is more than enough.
Ludwig: (nods) Yes, it surely is.
Morton: I’m hungry.
Mario and co. and their new ally are running desperately in the night across the cold sand, trying to keep up with Bowser’s doomship, barely visible in the distance.
Shalix: (grounds teeth) It’s just as I feared. They’re heading for the temple.
From Below: Help us!
Princess: The slaves!
Mario: Bro, can you…?
Luigi: I’m on it, Mario!
Luigi runs off to free the slaves.
Shalix: Keep running. We can’t let them get the Phoenix’s Eye.
Princess: Why does this always happen to us?
Toad: Because we follow that fat plumber around.
Mario: Hey!
Toad laughs.
Finally, the gang comes upon an aura covering the entire sky and stretching down to meet the land. Inside is a massive pyramid of fiery reds and oranges. Shining onto its apex is a beam of psychedelic colored energy radiating from the doomship, which is floating above it.
Shalix: Curses! That troublesome Koopa has made it inside. He’ll reach the ruby!
Mario: Not with us still standing, he won’t. Come on!
Later, the band reaches the pyramid entrance, which is guarded by two disgruntled Goombas.
Shalix: Er… hey, where’d Toad go?
Mario: (puts hand over face) Mamma mia.
Toad runs out in the open wearing nothing but his shorts and shouts an obscene comment before leading the Goombas off into the desert.
Princess: Let’s go!
Inside, the pyramid is really just one room with a gigantic, red ruby in the center, held by a lone stone, tan-colored talon reaching up from the ground. A Magikoopa, Bowser, and his seven children stand near it. The Magikoopa is casting a spell as the heroes sneak in.
Mario: What’s he doing?
Princess: It’s so beautiful.
Shalix: He’s awakening its powers. We have to stop them.
Mario: Mamma mia! That’s a Magi… Magi… Magikoopa. Right?
Shalix: (nods) Come on.
Mario: Princess, you want to come? It’ll be dangerous.
Princess: Of course I’m coming. Let’s follow Shalix.
Kerro: (mumbles in an ancient language)
Bowser: He’s almost done, I think. Kids, get ready for days of reigning!
Ludwig: I can almost taste it!
Wendy: I want those extra diamonds.
Roy: I’ll pound the villagers!
Morton: I’m hungry. Does anyone have a jam-filled pastry?
Suddenly, Mario and co. swing down into action. The Koopas and the heroes meet in a clash while Kerro hurriedly speaks his spell. Mario moves in on Bowser.
Mario: You’ve bitten off more than you can chew this time, Slimeball.
Bowser: ROAR! Enough! This is the final frontier! Prepare for your final ascent into the afterlife! CHARGE!
Bowser leaps at Mario, but is kicked to the ground. Stars play about his head.
Bowser: Fungi and more fungi! Foiled again!
Mario: Ok, now to help the others. What in the?
Mario sees the Koopa children encased in ice.
Mario: Wow… good one, Shalix.
Shalix: Quick, Mario! Get Kerro!
Mario: Who’s Kerro?
Kerro: Me, you insolent fool!
Kerro, who has now revealed himself to be a large, formless dark matter, laughs, throwing beams of energy at Mario, who barely dodges them.
Mario: WHOA! Who… who are you?
Kerro: My name is Kerro. I’m a culmination of hatred in this land, and for years, I’ve looked for a way to channel my energy into a weapon. Only the Phoenix’s Eye can contain my awesome rage. Now you’ve let me loose! I can wreak havoc on the world that created me this way! *maniacal laugh*
The Phoenix’s Eye glows blood red, and the entire temple starts to shake violently.
Princess: Oh no! What’s happening?
Shalix: (clenching fists) It’s…the ruby. It’s reacting to the curse. Kerro is focusing his energy through it. In a matter of seconds, he’ll be able to mentally pick targets across the Mushroom Kingdom and fire at will!
Mario: Hey, you can’t do that. Stop this madness now before you make a mistake and destroy us all!
Kerro: And what if I do make a mistake? Do you think I have anything to lose? You fool! I’ve been trapped inside the souls of relentless criminals and con artists for years. My death in this unstable state is inevitable. I might as well go out with a BANG!
A piece of the upper temple gives under the trembling and crashes towards the ground, barely missing Princess and Shalix.
Mario: No! I won’t let you.
Shalix: (putting hand on Mario’s shoulder) We won’t let you.
The Phoenix’s Eye lifts into the air; the talon crumbles.
Kerro: Yessss! It’s too late. You can’t stop me… but just in case. Take this!
Kerro splits into ten pieces, the tenth being a large, red orb; the other nine dark pieces scatter out to combat the heroes. Luigi and Toad come in, battle ready.
Luigi: I freed the slaves. I found Toad and kicked those guards’ tails!
Toad: HEY! I helped too… a little.
Mario: Well (nimbly dodges a matter fighter) we could use your help!
Toad: I’ll stand over here.
Princess: Toad, turn on some groovy battle music if you’re going to play chicken.
Toad: Hmm… got it! Let’s rock and roll!
{Rock Song: Live and Learn}
Can you feel life movin' through your
mind,
Ooh, looks like it came back for more!
Yeah yeah yeah!
Can you feel time slippin' down your
spine,
Ooooooh, you try and try to ignore!
Yeah!
But you can hardly swallow,
Your fears and pain.
When you can't help but follow,
It puts you right back where you came.
Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday.
Live and learn!
If you beg or if you borrow,
Live and learn!
You may never find your way.
Whooooa, yeah!
Can you feel life tangle you up inside?
Yeah, now you're face down on the floor!
Oh!
But you can't save your sorrow,
You've paid in trade!
When you can't help but follow,
It puts you right back where you came.
Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday.
Live and learn!
If you beg or if you borrow,
Live and learn!
You may never find your way.
The battle continues. The fighters flit about, catching the heroes off guard and giving them a difficult fight in general. Finally, five remaining fighters flash and then gang up on Shalix. They attach themselves to him and explode, sending him to the ground, charred. The music ends.
Princess: Shalix!!!
Luigi: (holding Princess back) No, Princess.
Kerro: Don’t even bother, plumber. I’ve already won.
Lightning flashes down from above, conducting with the ruby. Suddenly, the ruby begins to spin rapidly.
Shalix: (coughing with a raspy voice) He’s… picked his first target.
Toad: (dancing with sagging pants and several golden chains) Yeah, bring it to da fridge. I’m rockin’! Oh, is the song over?
Kerro: And what a target it is! Princess, your castle will be the first to go.
Luigi: (sees Mario deep in thought) Bro, come on. We have to stop him!
Mario: (shakes head) No, we can’t. But…
Luigi: But what?
Mario: It might be wishful thinking, but you know how Kerro was going on about a Phoenix guardian?
Luigi: (backs up, hands raised) Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’re you thinking?
Mario: I’ve got to try it. Come on, call the Phoenix.
Luigi: Uh… how?
Mario: *anime style drop*
Shalix: Phoenix, Guardian of the Desert, help us!
Luigi: Like that?
Toad: Yeah, like that will… ACK!
A giant Phoenix flies through the ceiling, lightning and energy strands from the ruby running through it. Its color is a rainbow, incandescent and ineffable. It swoops down and devours Kerro before perching on the ruby, which settles back down into a newly formed talon holder.
Toad: That’s cheesy.
Princess: Yay! The Phoenix returned.
Shalix: (wide eyed) It… really does exist.
Shalix steps up to the glowing bird. The bird nods its head.
Shalix: Thank you, Phoenix. I’ve… known you were real… somehow… even though I was dubious.
Toad: Maybe we should leave those two alone.
Princess elbows Toad.
Toad: HEY!
The bird flaps its prodigious wings once, and the heroes and Koopas disappear into the night.)
(Bowser and his kids wake up in the doomship’s bunks.)
Ludwig: Dad, what happened?
Bowser: I don’t know. I feel… like I’ve been stomped on the head.
Larry: ACHOO! I feel like I’ve been encased in ice.
Morton: I’m hungry.
Ludwig: Do you suppose, in a daring plan of world domination, we got in a fight with the Mario Bros. and were transported here by a giant bird?
Everyone glares at Ludwig and throws pillows at him.
Ludwig: AGGH!
Shalix stands in front of Mario and co. with the expanse of the ex-slave Mushroomers behind him.
Shalix: Mario, your help has been an invaluable asset. Without your faith in the power of the Phoenix, I couldn’t have done it. (rubs bandaged head) The Phoenix must’ve eased my wounds too.
Luigi: Hey, we fought off those fighter things!
Toad: Yeah, and I, uh… well, I put on some groovy beats.
Shalix: (laughing) Yes, how could I forget? I think you all deserve three cheers!
Toad: More like four.
Crowd gives three cheers.
Shalix: I think I’ll move to Water Land. I might take up sailing. (offers hand to Mario)
Mario: (shakes Shalix’s hand) It’s been nice discovering ancient secrets and nearly getting killed by a formless hate monster, but the Grass Land pizza parlor is calling my name.
Luigi: And your stomach is answering with a megaphone.
The curtain falls as Mario and co. walk off towards the green hills of Grass Land in the distance.
The End
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
