Down in the area by Tayce T.’s house, anyone could hear Toad’s heavy pants as he ran. His longtime friend, Chris T., had just moved in there and he was doing his daily run down to Chris’s house. Toad had been visiting Chris’s for a few weeks.
Toad: Yo, how’s Plit’s strongest mushroom?
Chris was known to be Plit’s strongest Toad, and you would probably agree since he lifted 24 Thwomps! Some Toads disagree, though, because Toad had lifted 25 Thwomps (read Mario Madness).
Chris: Great! I beat the Master for the 3rd time today!
Toad: Cool! Can I see the Diplo-never mind. I just remembered that I have a meeting with the princess. Seeya!
As Toad ran off, Chris wondered what this meeting could be about. He then thought of spying on them. Immediately he shrugged off the idea. Spying when there’s hundreds of guards nearby? In the daylight? No way. Meanwhile, at the castle…
Peach: Toad, we have received information from spies at Bowser’s Castle that Bowser and Kamek have devised a plan to kidnap…
Toad: Don’t say it’s Chris, don’t say it’s Chris…
Peach: Chris. Toad, I want you to make sure this doesn’t happen.
Toad: … Oh my God.
The next day, when Toad was reading the bulletin board, he found the worst news he could find right on the front.
TOAD KIDNAPPED!
Last night, in this very town, Chris
T., known
as the strongest Toad alive, was kidnapped.
Eyewitnesses
report that the kidnapper had glasses,
a blue robe, a wand,
and a broom.
Toad was so shocked that he became paralyzed. From what he read, Kamek had taken Chris, and most Toads taken to Bowser’s Castle became loyal members of Bowser’s army. Basically, Bowser would have one of the best weapons in the kingdom. Toad had to stop Bowser. But first, he fainted.
One week later…
Toad opened his eyes. Everything was fuzzy, but he could still see. He sat up and looked around. He just made out a spinning roof… Merlon’s house! He was either still there or imagining it. He felt around. A bed, he thought. A comfy bed. I’m in the castle. His vision was becoming clearer. He then noticed Peach right next to him.
Peach: Toad! You’re alive!
Toad: What? All I did was faint!
Peach: Faint? The Toads that brought you back said you were dead! Oh! Chris has been-
Toad: I know.
Peach: Toad, I’m going to leave you here to rest.
Toad needed to get out, though. He knew the guards wouldn’t let him through. He had to sneak. Knowing there were fewer guards at night, he would start… at night. (You saw that coming, didn’t you?)
That night…
No guard saw a black silhouette of a Toad against the night sky, wearing a cape. (Hey, it worked for Lakitu in Lakitu’s Defection when he touched a Feather, why shouldn’t it work for a Toad?) The Toad, who actually was Toad, ran really fast and jumped, making the cape fill up with air so he could fly. He flew out of the castle grounds and continued flying. He encountered some turbulence because some Super Koopas were flying in a blur of color. He bopped one and continued on until he reached Bowser’s Castle. All tired out, he rested (not as in napped, but as in let his muscles relax) and had a Super Soda. Refreshed, he went in the Front Door and started running. (If you played Super Mario World and went in the Back Door of Bowser’s Castle, then you took the long way. You can just go in the front door and go through a couple of difficult rooms, and you fight Bowser. Sound stupid? Good.)
Toad: Man, I can’t believe I know how to do this place. So, through door #4…
Toad did what he said. But when he went in the door, he saw a moving platform puzzle with Podoboos in it.
Toad: Timing, timing. WOAH! GIANT PODOBOOS! Wait, I just need more timing… Ow! 3rd degree burn! The worst!
When he got through the door, he did first aid, then continued all the way to where Bowser was. Or, was supposed to be. Instead of Bowser, Toad saw a Toad with its back facing Toad. Black leather vest, black spots… Chris.
Toad: You!
Chris: Yes, me. Toad, long time, no see.
Toad: So, you’ve joined Bowser’s army. Why would a, before, perfectly sane mind want to join this army? Oh, and explain the whole thing.
Chris: Well, back when I was at Toad Town-
Toad: A week ago.
Chris: I, as you were first to know, got the Diploma. King Bowser knew, and tried to negotiate with me to go in his army. Of course, I resisted, but when he gave me a DVD of Evil: The Good in It, I found out what evil truly was. It was not all destruction and world domination. It was all the things in good, but with a darker, more appealing side. So, Bowser told Kamek to "kidnap" me. Really, it was just a plan to have Kamek get me into King Bowser’s Castle. Of course I pretended to put up a struggle. I then got in. Well, here we are.
Toad: So, what do you say about so-called "King Bowser"?
Chris: Oh, Bowser will rule Plit. And there’s no way to stop it!
Chris then turned around quickly. Toad noticed a large change. Now he wore spikes on his arms (like Bowser), Nike sneakers, tattoos, and (worst of all) ate broccoli. Instead of being a good-natured, slow speaking Toad, he was quick, mischievous, and had less understanding.
Toad: Haven’t you realized something about me from a long time ago? In the Dojo?
Chris: What can be so special about you? You entered at the same time as me and quit after you defeated the Master only twice!
Toad: Actually, the Master tricked you and the other Toads. Nobody but the Master and I know that I defeated him for the 3rd time. Don’t you remember that I beat Chan, Lee, and two forms of the Master in the first year? And that he said that I had quit in my 1st year? If I hadn’t beat him the 3rd time, I would’ve been in longer!
Chris: You mean… you beat him at night trials while I was fighting Lee? You little…
Toad: So, let’s see how much you’ve improved! IT’S TIME TO DUEL! (Yes, I know, that’s from Yu-Gi-Oh.)
Chris: We can’t fight yet.
Toad: Why? Chicken?
Chris: No, it isn’t time. I have to fight you on the 16th.
Toad: What day is it now?
Chris: The 1st.
Toad: Oh. So I bet you’re going to fling me to Grass Land?
Chris tried to fling Toad to Grass Land, but Toad dodged. BUT, Toad slipped and fell to Grass Land.
Chris: Who knew?
Toad: DDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNGGG YYYYYYYOOOOOOUUUUU!
Toad landed on ground and nearly died. (Remember impact and momentum?) Fortunately a Toad named Vannah T. (Remember that Toad from Paper Mario next to Chuck Quizmo? That’s her.) found him and gave him medical attention immediately. A few days later, Toad left and went to Mario’s house. There, Mario greeted him with a warm welcome (non-fireball).
Mario: Hey, Toad! Word is you’ve been at Bowser’s Castle fighting Chris.
Toad: How’d you know that?
Mario: The news people.
Toad: How’d they know that?
Mario: Spies at the Castle.
Toad: Oh. Well, Chris is evil, etc., etc.
Mario: Oh, I kno- WHAT?!
Toad: Yeah, he is. Pity, isn’t it? Well, anyway, I have to go save Plit!
Mario: When you say it like that it sounds scary.
Toad: Shut up.
Toad left and somehow passed Peach’s guards (again). He then journeyed to Ice Land. There he saw a green ball with a yellow star on it.
Toad: Lemmy. He’s retaken Ice Land. Dang it!
Toad went to the nearby castle to check on the King. He was normal.
Toad: Whew.
He left and made for a smaller ice castle just visible in the blinding snow. It was obviously Lemmy’s. After getting in, he looked around. Ice was everywhere. It reminded him of the Crystal Palace, which he hardly remembered from when he went on Prof. Kolorado’s 2nd expedition in 1994. Toad journeyed on further in and it somehow kept getting warmer. Lemmy didn’t have any minions about. Strange. He suddenly appeared in a large room filled with furniture and the latest in Freeze Gun and AC technology.
Toad: This is better technology than even the Mario Bros. probably know about! WOWEE!
Lemmy heard Toad, though, and appeared out of a small crack large enough to hold Lemmy.
Lemmy: Toad! You’re quite an unexpected visitor! Come in!
Toad: Uh… Are you planning on doing anything obnoxious or at least strange?
Lemmy: No. Why do you ask?
Toad: Your dad kidnapped the second strongest Toad in the kingdom. Besides that, not much.
Lemmy: Who is this Toad?
Toad: Chris T.
Lemmy: Did you say Christy?
Toad: No. I said Chris T.
Lemmy: Oh. That guy? He’s the reason I’m out here.
Toad: What do you mean?
Lemmy: Dad’s been collecting strong Toads. Chris is so powerful that Dad thinks he doesn’t even need us Koopa Kids anymore! So I told the King what’s happening at our home and he let me take refuge here!
Toad: Whatever. Well, you know, I’m trying to stop your dad and Chris, so… want to help?
Lemmy: Sure!
So, Lemmy joined, and Toad felt a wee bit colder in his travels. Anyway, Toad (and Lemmy, but I’ll just say Toad to make it easier for you and me) left Lemmy’s Castle.
Lemmy: You know, a lot of people call that castle Lemmy’s Land.
Toad: Do they?
Lemmy: Yeah.
Toad: Cool.
So, the Dynamic Duo (hee hee) ventured to the dangerously hot Desert Land. Lemmy couldn’t stand the heat, so Toad gave Lemmy a portable AC to carry around. (At 0.6 pounds! BUY ONE TODAY!) The most they met were a couple of Angry Suns, too. The duo approached Morton’s Castle. As if on cue, Morton sprang out of his castle, muttering.
Morton: I, me, myself, Morton, cannot believe that Dad, Father, Bowser made, forced us to leave, ditch, depart, go away from his fabulous, wonderful, Kooptacular Castle!
Lemmy: Hey, Morton, you doing anything weird? Like not talking?
Morton: No.
Lemmy: Ok. Want to help me and Toad fight Dad?
Morton: Sure, yes, yeah, whatever, ok, fine-
Toad: SHUT UP! And talk in smaller sentences before I whip out some duct tape!
Morton: Ok. Uh, I… can’t… go… along… with… you. Woohoo! I spoke in a short sentence! I can’t stop now! Dang!
Toad: Whatever.
Toad left and the Angry Suns didn’t go near the guys. Now, they went near Water Land.
Toad: Lemmy! RESIST THE NEARLY UNSTOPPABLE URGE TO FREEZE EVERY WATER DROPLET IN YOUR SIGHT! Just thought you should know.
So, Toad swam while Lemmy rolled on his ball across the water. Somehow Toad got there first.
Toad: I got here before you!
Lemmy was holding a popped ball.
Lemmy: Now how did that Ptooie get to Water Land?
Toad: Who cares?
So, Toad and Lemmy went to Wendy, made a deal, etc., etc., etc. Then Toad journeyed to all the lands and got all the Koopa Kids with them against Bowser, including Morton, whom they went back for. Toad and all the Koopa Kids went to Bowser’s Castle, each holding a weapon of choice. Here's what they have:
Toad: Tanooki Suit
Lemmy: Freeze Gun 9000
Roy: Brass Knuckles
Morton: Megaphone
Wendy: Poisonous Makeup
Iggy: Giant Maker 1000
Ludwig: Diamond Saw
Larry: Smilax Seeds and Miracle-Gro
As they journeyed to the Front Door, the eight went through new areas such as Barbie Chambers and horrible experiments involving broccoli and Lord of the Rings (such as making Toads Orc-like). As they finally got to the top, Chris was teaching some Toads how to judo-chop toothpaste into enemies’ eyes like Austin Powers did. Quickly, quietly, and nearly invisible, Toad went behind Chris and did a fearsome combo including some dropkicks and other things. Chris went down for the count.
Toad: And that is how to kick some butt!
Random Toads in Room: Ooooooh. Aaaaaaaah.
Toad, Roy, Wendy, and the others got some other weapons like sticks, chains, and pipes from Roy and started beating the other Toads River City Ransom Style. After they got bored, they saw Chris sneaking away. Or at least Larry did.
Larry: Chris is getting away!
The group ran after Chris. After a while, the guys found themselves in a small arena with Chris in the middle.
Chris: Ha ha ha! Moronic fools! You’ve fallen in my trap!
Toad: Let me guess: 1 on 1, me vs. you.
Chris: Smart.
Toad: You learn these things. So, did you like your KO?
Chris: Sort of. Well, no, really.
Toad: Guys, give your weapons to me and leave this area.
Roy: I can’t get these brass knuckles off.
Toad: Fine, keep the knuckles.
The Koopa Kids left to beat on their day.
Chris: So, Toad, do you like the cruel experiments and TV shows?
Toad: No, not really. Well, should we start?
Chris: Well, why not?
The two are going to fight! Every time one of the Toads gets hit by anything, they lose a piece of health on their bar. Example:
Pretend there’s some guy named Dude Awesome. His bar would be like this: D: lllllllllllllllll Notice the 17 bars! So, Dude gets hit by a chair that hits him with a force of 4. His bar now looks like this: D: lllllllllllll----
Now he has 13! That’s how the battle basically goes.
Toad begins by putting on a Tanooki Suit. He whacks his tail at Chris.
C: lllllllllllllll--
Chris retaliates with a nasty fire blast out of a small flamethrower.
T: lllllllllllll----
Toad comes back with a statue drop on Chris (when Tanooki you can turn into a statue—Toad jumps pretty darn good) but Chris counters with a Mirror Force. (And yes, I know, that’s also from Yu-Gi-Oh!)
T: lllllll----------
Toad: I’ll get you…
Chris: Ha ha ha! You won’t!
Toad: Since when are you a laughing maniac?
Chris: You never noticed?
Toad quickly did a strong combo with devastating power.
C: lllllll----------
Lemmy somehow was able to speak to Toad.
Lemmy: The weapons! Use the weapons!
Toad takes the flamethrower from Chris and uses the Freeze Gun. He freezes Chris and then thaws him, accidentally burning Chris.
C: lll--------------
Chris: So… weak… need… hidden… power-up…
Toad: Took ‘em!
Toad did a punch to Chris. For Toad, a very weak punch.
C: -----------------
TOAD WON!
Chris: Toad… take… me… to… the… princess…
Toad: Why?
Chris: Because…
Chris stopped talking. Toad checked Chris’s pulse. No beat. Chris was dead.
Toad: And all I wanted to do was to get him back to normal…
Suddenly, the Koopa Kids came in.
Roy: What happened?
Toad couldn’t answer. He was sobbing.
Lemmy: Uh, Roy, look…
Roy: What? Oh my God…
Toad: I can’t believe I killed him…
Everyone stood silent for hours.
A few months later…
The funeral home around Peach’s Castle was buzzing with Toads. Why? Chris’s funeral.
Peach: He was such a good Toad…
Toad: Yeah…
After the procession, the Toads went to their houses, the invited back Koopa Kids to their castle, and royalty to their castles. Life went back to normal again. At least as normal as life in the Mushroom Kingdom could get. But every day, there was sorrow for Chris, and the anger at Bowser was getting worse than ever.
The End
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