Round 6 (2)
Waluigi Stadium, September 8, 2004
Roy: What do you mean he's not coming?
Larry: I'm telling you, he's postponed this final for several weeks, and now he's off doing somethinguseless.
Roy: Give me a break!
Larry: I can't help it that Mr. Idiot
himself CPF is off playing Madden NFL 2005 and listening to music. I
called him up again, and he said that
we have to carry the final episode.
Roy: But why? He always found time in the past!
Larry: Not always.
Roy: Stop being technical here! Anyway,
tell me where he's at so I can "convince" him to get this event over
with!
Larry: Why is it so important?
Roy: I get a 100,000 coin bonus once this tournament is over! And so do you!
Larry: Okay, okay, here's where he is.
7 hours later, at Waluigi Stadium...
Roy: He's here!
Crazy Packers Fan: Come on, I could be listening to more music right now!
Roy: You've delayed long enough!
Crazy Packers Fan: Anyway, we're back here finally for the final round of the Mushroom Games 2!
Larry: (whispering) Mario Madness 2.
Crazy Packers Fan: Whatever. Anyway, Game Guy takes on Shy Guy in a predetermined battle, just like the 2004 Olympic gymnastics competition.
Roy: Hey, Pack! No one reading this cares about sports!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, okay. Anyway, I apologize for being missing for so long. I got lazy, started watching the Olympics, then started college, and in between played videogames and listened to music. I'm back, and we're about to get this one underway. But first...
Pointless Predictions and Futile Forecasts
Crazy Packers Fan: It's time for Roy and Larry to humor us with their predictions. Like last Mario Madness, this will be a best-of-seven battle, with the first one to win four games winning. Now they will answer my questions, and the one with more correct answers will win a bonus 100,000 coins after the competition is over!
Larry: Where are you coming up with these coins?
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, nowhere.
In the heart of Russia, on the planet
Earth, a bunch of Koopa Troopas can be seen operating a machine,
creating counterfeit coins, pocketing
some for themselves, and sending them off by Albatoss Air Mail.
Crazy Packers Fan: Anyway, who will win the Super Bowl?
Larry: The Super Bowl?! This is Mario Madness 2 we're at, not one of your football games!
Crazy Packers Fan: Fine, your right to answer has been taken away for this question. Roy?
Roy: The Green Bay Packers!
Crazy Packers Fan: For trying to flatter me, you automatically lose whatever points you may have gained if they do win it all, so it's knotted up at 0. Now for serious matters. who will win this competition?
Larry: No question it will be Shy Guy. Game Guy's way too lucky to keep on going like this.
Roy: I'll go with Game Guy, because luck IS how battles are won in CPF's competitions.
Crazy Packers Fan: Next question: How many games will the loser win?
Roy: It's always 4-3. We know that. The answer is 3.
Larry: Roy's got to be wrong, and you probably want this to be as short as possible, so I say 0.
Crrazy Packers Fan: Finally, which one of you will end up most embarrassed by the end of this episode?
Roy: Larry.
Larry: Roy.
Crazy Packers Fan: Fair enough. Now it's on to the battle!
One minute later...
Roy: Between who?
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy and Game Guy, of course!
Larry: Oops.
Roy: Uh oh.
Larry: I forgot to call them up and tell them to come here.
Roy: Well, call them already!
Two hours later...
Game Guy: We're here!
Shy Guy: Uh... sure.
Crazy Packers Fan: Good. We'll start today with a fencing battle. This is simple swordplay, where each of you tries to touch the other with your sword's point. The first one of you to record a touch wins.
Shy Guy and Game Guy put on embarrassing equipment and pick up their swords.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Shy Guy is quick with his sword, attacking
quickly. Game Guy, however, keeps with his lucky streak by
dodging all of Shy Guy's attacks...
except for one.
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy scores a touch! He wins game number one!
Shy Guy sort of nods his head, his most animated celebration of the tournament.
Crazy Packers Fan: On to game number
two, a shortened version of handball. It is very much like soccer, only
you don't use your feet, but instead you use your hands to try to direct
a ball into a smaller net than
is used in soccer. We'll play a shootout,
where each player gets three shots against the other, who plays
goalie. If there is a tie after three
shots each, then we'll keep going with one shot each until one scores and
the other doesn't. Are you two ready?
Game Guy: As much as we ever will be... except that there's no court.
Roy: Larry!
Larry: What?
Roy: I thought CPF gave you a list of the events that would take place!
Larry: Yeah, he did. What about it?
Roy: You were supposed to set them up for when the competitors got here!
Crazy Packers Fan: *sigh*
Larry: Hey, don't act like you were super-helpful to us the whole time, Packer!
After some setting up...
Crazy Packers Fan: Now you guys can play this game!
Shy Guy: Great.
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy will shoot first.
Game Guy's shot goes right in, as Shy Guy gives a miserable effort, meaning a stretch of his hand, but that's about it.
Roy: Come on, at least look like you're trying!
As Game Guy and Shy Guy switch places,
Shy Guy is mumbling something to himself. Then he fires the ball
past Game Guy at such a high speed,
Game Guy is left shaking his head, while Shy Guy looks over at Roy.
Roy: Am I being taunted by the Shy Guy?
Game Guy and Shy Guy exchange goals on their second shots as well, with both times the one in goal diving pathetically after a nearly unstoppable shot.
Larry: This is looking like they'll score on every shot.
On cue, Shy Guy stops Game Guy's third shot.
Larry: Don't... open... my... mouth.
Shy Guy gets ready to take his third shot. Game Guy looks frustrated. Shy Guy lines up his shot right where Game Guy is most prepared to stop it, but Game Guy seems to be struggling.
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy makes the save! We go to extra shots!
Roy: What a surprise.
Crazy Packers Fan: We'll switch the order now. Go ahead, Shy Guy, shoot first.
Shy Guy shoots his shot off the post, missing by inches.
Crazy Packers Fan: For the win!
Game Guy misses!
Larry: Oh brother.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go ahead, Shy Guy!
This time, Shy Guy gets his shot to bounce off the ground and into the net.
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy must make this shot to tie this game up!
Game Guy's shot goes off the post!
Roy: ... and into the net.
Crazy Packers Fan: It's still tied. Go ahead, Shy Guy.
Shy Guy makes another shot, bouncing it off the crossbar, as it rolls down Game Guy's back into the net.
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy must make this shot to-
Game Guy: Shut up!
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy stops Game Guy's shot! Shy Guy wins the game! Game Guy loses the game! Shy Guy wins! Game Guy loses! Shy Guy-
Game Guy: Be quiet!
Crazy Packers Fan: It's time for game
number three, with Shy Guy ahead 2-0. This game will be boxing.
Boxing is quite simple enough: just
punch the other character as many times above the belt as you can in
two minutes. The one with more punches
wins, as we electronically score the punches. Also, if you knock
out your opponent, you automatically
win.
Shy Guy gives Crazy Packers Fan a blank stare, while Game Guy looks confused.
Crazy Packers Fan: What is it?
Larry: The words "knock out" are too archaic and old-fashioned.
Roy: Use something more up to date, like "end transmission"!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, if you end your opponent's transmission before time runs out, you win!
Shy Guy and Game Guy: Oh!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now get those boxing gloves on and get in that ring!
A few minutes later...
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Shy Guy gets out to an early lead, punching
Game Guy like crazy, getting up 5-0. He then starts avoiding
Game Guy's wild swings, as a minute
has passed.
Crazy Packers Fan: One minute to go!
Game Guy starts really trying to punch
Shy Guy, but Shy Guy blocks too many punches. However, Game Guy
starts to connect on his punches as
time runs out!
Crazy Packers Fan: And the winner is...
Larry: Oh, just say that it's Shy Guy!
Crazy Packers Fan: It's Shy Guy, 5-4! Shy Guy is now up 3-0 in the series!
Roy: Meaning that now Game Guy will win four games in a row.
Larry: No, Game Guy's losing game four, because CPF's sick of this!
Roy: Are you?
Crazy Packers Fan appears to be feeling
sick, groaning about the Boston Red Sox, feeling bad about the
popularity of things, teams, and people
he dislikes, feeling even worse about the non-popularity about the
things, teams, and people he likes,
worrying about college, and staring at a Soviet flag for inspiration.
Roy: What are you talking about, Larry? He's in perfectly normal condition.
Larry: I guess you're right.
Crazy Packers Fan: Anyway, it's time
for game number four, which is a dreaded match of field hockey. The
first one of you two to direct a ball
into your opponent's net by use of your stick is the winner.
Game Guy: I've got to win one of these...
this is my time to turn this around. I've made greater comebacks
before in this tournament.
Game Guy and Shy Guy head out on to the field, with Game Guy looking determined and Shy Guy looking... well, shy.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Game Guy: Where are our sticks?
Crazy Packers Fan: This is unbelievable. Who's in charge of equipment around here?
Larry: You are!
Roy: Actually, Larry, I thought you were getting a 10,000-coin bonus for being the "Equipment Manager".
Larry: I was?
Roy: Look at your shirt.
Larry sees on his shirt "Equipment Manager", with "10,000-Coin Salary" beneath it.
Larry: Wait a minute; I don't wear shirts!
Roy: Then why do you have one on?
Larry: You must have put it on me!
Roy: That's beside the point. Go get the hockey sticks!
Crazy Packers Fan: How many times has this happened?
Roy: Too many, that's for sure.
After Larry returns...
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, let's go!
Shy Guy takes one wild swing at the ball with his stick. It flies into Game Guy's net.
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy is the Mario Madness 2 Champion!
Larry: I told you it would be quick!
Game Guy: Wait a minute! This isn't a stick! It's some strange sort of crowbar! He has a full length stick, and I don't! That's not fair!
Crazy Packers Fan: Any explanations, Larry?
Larry: Well, I, kind of, couldn't-
Crazy Packers Fan: You're fired!
Roy: No! You're not doing another reality show!
Crazy Packers Fan: This is no reality show, Larry's actually fired! Now that Game Guy had incorrect equipment, we have to restart the game.
Larry: You can't have the game without Game Guy having a correct stick, can you?
Crazy Packers Fan: You're hired, Larry!
Larry: Thanks! It's so great to have a new job! When do I start?
Crazy Packers Fan: Now. Go get him a real stick.
A few minutes later...
Larry: Here!
Crazy Packers Fan: Alright. Let's go!
This time, Game Guy and Shy Guy actually
have a real battle. Shy Guy goes back and forth with the ball,
trying to get a good shot on goal,
but fails to do so. Game Guy steals the ball, shoots, but his shot hits
the post. Shy Guy comes back, shooting
long, but wide. Finally...
Game Guy: Yes!
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy scores,
and wins game number four! It's now 3-1, Shy Guy, as we move on to
game number five, which is a wrestling
match.
Game Guy: Wrestling?!
Crazy Packers Fan: Yes, wrestling. The first one of you to pin the other wins the game.
Game Guy: What if neither of us pins the other?
Crazy Packers Fan: You'll wrestle until someone does, so don't worry.
Shy Guy: I have a bad feeling about this game.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Game Guy, feeling energized, charges full force at Shy Guy, pinning Shy Guy within seven seconds. Shy Guy looks dazed and confused, while Game Guy celebrates his win.
Crazy Packers Fan: It's now 3-2. We
all know who's going to win game number six, but we have to play it
anyway. It's a game of table tennis!
The first to score three points is the winner!
Game Guy: Let's go!
Larry: Hey, look at this, I actually brought paddles and a table with a net!
Crazy Packers Fan: You can have Roy's salary!
Larry: All right!
Roy: What?!
Crazy Packers Fan: I'm only joking. Anyway, Game Guy may serve first, with you two taking turns serving.
Game Guy scores the first point as he
skillfully bounces the ball into a spot where Shy Guy is not
prepared for it (basically, he wins
the point the way a professional would).
Game Guy: You're not winning this!
Shy Guy serves the ball right into the net, giving Game Guy another point.
Larry: Now Shy Guy will win the next two points, in order to make it come down to the last point.
Actually, Game Guy ends up winning the
next point, as he hits the ball hard enough that Shy Guy hits it into
the net.
Crazy Packers Fan: We're all tied up at three games apiece! That means that Roy wins one of his predictions!
Larry: That also means that Roy must lose the other two.
Crazy Packers Fan: We've had all Olympic
sports so far, or at least variations of them, but this time, it's no Olympic
sport we're playing. It's a game of poker, Texas Hold 'Em style, where
each player gets two cards, face down. Each player starts out with eight
chips, and one must put out one chip while the other puts out two chips
on every hand, at minimum. After one round of betting, three cards are
put in the middle, face up,
then another round of betting, then
another card face up, then more betting, then another card face up, then
more betting. Your hand is made out of the best five-card combination out
of your own two cards and the five cards in the middle. Once one player
is out of chips, the other is the Mario Madness 2 Champion!
Game Guy: I love games, and this is a great one!
Larry: You love poker too, don't you, Roy?
Roy: Shhh!
Larry: You love wasting the 10,000 coins Bowser gave you to "invest in your army", don't you, Roy?
Roy: Quiet!
Crazy Packers Fan: Hey, what happened to that paper with the character who has been chosen by Lemmy's Land tourists to win Mario Madness 2?
Larry: Was it on the back of a sports page of a newspaper?
Crazy Packers Fan: Yes!
Larry: Oh, I threw that piece of garbage away.
Crazy Packers Fan: Great. Now these two will actually have to play this out fairly, without it being predetermined.
Roy: What if the tourists don't like it?
Crazy Packers Fan: Ah, too bad! Roy,
you can be the dealer. You know a lot about tossing in cards, don't
you?
Larry: No, he knows a lot about going all in on a 7-2 unsuited, and losing it all.
Roy: Shut up!
Crazy Packers Fan: Let's go!
Shy Guy puts in his mandatory 1-chip bet, while Game Guy puts in his mandatory 2-chip bet. Shy Guy receives two queens (hearts and diamonds), while Game Guy receives the ace and king of spades.
Shy Guy: I'm all in.
Game Guy: I call!
Crazy Packers Fan: That was quick.
The players reveal their cards, with Game Guy groaning seeing Shy Guy's two queens.
Game Guy: Bad luck!
Roy puts out three cards in the middle. They come up: queen of spades, queen of clubs, and two of hearts.
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy has four queens! Game Guy can only win with a royal flush!
The next card comes up: jack of spades.
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy got one of the two cards he needed! Now he needs a ten of spades. This would be an incredible comeback, from having lost the field hockey game before the equipment problem was pointed out, to being a ten of spades away from victory!
The final card comes up: ...
Crazy Packers Fan: Do you believe in miracles?
... three of hearts.
Game Guy: No!
Shy Guy: I win... I win... what?!
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy is the Mario Madness 2 Champion, after all! Congratulations!
Koopa Troopas rush to Shy Guy with one
million counterfeit coins, while giving Game Guy 100,000
counterfeit coins.
Crazy Packers Fan: I judge Larry to
have been more embarrassed! Roy wins the bonus 100,000 coins for the
predictions contest, winning 2-1!
Roy: Yes!
Larry: No!
The Koopa Troopas hand Roy 200,000 coins
(100,000 for his salary and 100,000 for winning the contest), while they
give Larry 100,000 coins for his salary. All of the coins are counterfeit,
of course. Meanwhile, Shy
Guy sort of nods his head and kind
of raises his arms in celebration, quite a wild celebration for him. Game
Guy doesn't look too upset, given that
he just got a phone call that Mario just lost 25,000 coins to him in a
Mario Party 3 contest. and Game Guy wasn't even present for it.
Crazy Packers Fan: Now for the big announcement:
I'm retiring from these crazy competitions. Carry on, my
wayward Koopas. keep things crazy around
Plit.
Roy: Where are you going?
Crazy Packers Fan: Back home to Earth. I met some girl named Colette or something.
Larry: I thought that girl belonged to that Lloyd loser!
Crazy Packers Fan: Shhh! She's a blonde.
She forgot already. So I'm going to go back home, watch football,
and of course, talk to Colette.
Roy: I bet that relationship won't last
one week! And this retirement. you're like that Michael Jordan
character! You'll be back in no time!
Crazy Packers Fan: So long to you all. I'll miss you.
Crazy Packers Fan walks out of the stadium,
singing The Beatles' "Back in the USSR". Meanwhile, Susan
appears on the field.
Susan: Isn't that so cute, Larry? That CPF guy just gave me an idea!
Larry: Oh no.
Susan: Yes, Larry, you don't know how much I love you.
Larry: I'm voting you off, Susan!
The End
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