Chapter 9

The afternoon was just barely creeping into the midst of the evening at that point. Over on Lavalava Island, Fyooshi was deep in the jungle somewhere helping himself to some of the fruit horde that he and Raphael had managed to attain over the period of time they had spent away from the village and those awful space aliens. They were then in a small opening; a circle of trees surrounded them, protecting them, in a sense, from any intruders that would have been less than welcome. Well, Fyooshi was there at least. He was quite enjoying himself since it wasn’t that dark yet, Raphael, who was super strong, wasn’t too far off, and the fruit has always made him happy to an extent. But as usual, his Richter Scale of fear waited to go off. Just when all was at peace for another second, that pen started to scribble like mad again. He heard a few rustlings, stopped in the middle of his consumption, and turned around to observe the source of the unsettling sound. A big, black figure jumped out, and it made Fyooshi himself jump. “OHHH!” he screeched, femininely. It wasn’t like he needed to, though; it was just Raphael. “Oh, thank goodness. I thought it might have been another one of those aliens!"

"Well, their technology is superior," Raphael stated.

Fyooshi didn't understand. "What?" he asked.

"I'm saying that, even though we are quite far away from them at the moment, there's still a chance they might be able to use their tracking devices to find us and 'get' us."

"Oh... dear." Fyooshi started nibbling away, nervously, at his non-existent nails.

Raphael restarted the conversation. "Anyway, you finish up dinner, and we'll have to keep moving."

"What? Oh." Fyooshi remembered the real matter at hand. He continued eating...

"Another cocktail, sir?" said a sweet, purple female crewmember inside a room that was for "authorized personnel only", and, oh, what a room it was. Apparently, this sanctum was dedicated for the extra special crewmembers, what with the music, the various tables, and whatnot, not to mention the vast array of diversified delicacies and drinks. This just happened to be where the captain, Wart, and the newly promoted Cutlass, among others, could be found at the moment. The handsome silver swordsman of glorious, long white hair, then garbed in a much fancier wardrobe, one striped with yellow and purple to replace the plain former, took the offered beverage with much appreciation from the held-up platter of the woman before.

"Ah, yes; thank you," he replied politely. She sauntered off to be her helpful, charming self a bit more. He turned around again, his right hand holding the glass, the other one in his pocket. Another silver who was nearby decided to strike up conversation with him.

"So, Cutlass, how do you like your new position?" he asked in a charismatically deep voice.

"It's great," he responded. He took a sip and continued. "It feels as though I'm finally gaining the recognition I deserve."

"Yeah, I remember feeling that way. It was a catastrophic night over on the planet-"

HWWWOOONNNKK. Something was obviously not right. It was as though some cruel hand of interdimensional proportions had suddenly warped the very room they were then enjoying themselves in. The others panicked a little as the tables and their selves began to slide in the wrong direction.

"Oh, those idiots," the captain grumbled. He was looking significantly better than he had during that last apprehension, but was still annoyed. "Wart, see if you can't chew them out."

"YES, SIR." The overgrown frog began to waddle off in the right direction. Meanwhile, a few of the lesser staff members were trying desperately to get things back under control. It was no easy task since there wasn't any telling what body or obstacle was going to slip and stumble upon them next. A few flips, a scourge of screams, a collection of crashes, and one spash later, a rumbling "...! ...-..-...! ...!!" ensued, and shortly after that, the alignment of the ship began to restore order. However, that wasn't much less cataclysmal. A little more confusion and fuss resulted, but pretty soon, the attendants were able to relax once more. The partygoers had to brush themselves off a little, and with a mildly amused outburst, they resumed their socializing. Shortly, the captain and Wart could talk once more, and so could Cutlass. "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED," was what Wart said.

"Excellent. Now, what were we talking about?" he said while rubbing his chin.

"THE D.K.J. TREATY."

"Ah, yes. I think it's a splendid idea. It reminds me of what my father used to tell me..."

Cutlass and the other man resumed. Things were back on track, as was the conversation. "Sheez, those repairmen still can't steady the ship right?" said Cutlass.

"I suppose not."

"Anyway, you were saying?"

"Ah, yes; a memory of mine that is quite vivid to me...

"This time, the captain decided his mission was to invade a planet called 'Glynn'. It was one of prosperous vegetation and intelligent creatures called 'Onifs'. He had a plan of capturing the strongest ones, hypnotizing them, and turning them into his army of extra faithful minions. But there was one area of the planet that he couldn't quite conquer. Not even zapping it with the Breaker Beam helped! So we had to take it out from the inside…”

“Uh-huh.”

"I was one of the soldiers that was chosen for the mission. It turned out this place was actually one big forest, and the only way inside it was the one part that was sealed. It was covered in vines, and we needed some kind of flute to undo them. This flute could only be found inside one of their temples. Finding out about it, locating it, and invading it wasn’t easy. It was like a maze in there! There were all these obstacles, puzzles, traps, monsters, and demons. The final one looked like a gigantic turtle with two long heads. That was left up to the captain to take down. Unfortunately, since he had to kill it in the process, he couldn't hypnotize it. It wasn't as though it could fit in any of the ship's tubes, but still...

"We got the flute, and the final forest was ours for the taking. Little did we know that that temple was just a warm-up. All of those things about the other one couldn’t even compare, lemme tell you. Then came the big finale. The captain sent us one by one to survive the next hallway, but it was a tough one. After the third or fourth man got his head severed, it was my turn. The trick was actually to jump, roll, side step, front-flip, slide, and lie down flat. Years of gymnastics finally paid off..."

Cutlass was just about done with his cocktail, but his interest in the story remained intact. "Wow," he said simply, as the party resumed around them.

"Yes, but this was what got me promoted: It turned out all along the big boss was just ahead, and since I was the only one that made it, I had to take it down. It was this huge bird with four wings on its back. Man, it was flapping its powerful wings at me, zapping me with its eye-lasers, and everything. I tried and tried, but I couldn’t find the weakness! Finally, when it lunged its big beak at me, I took my sword and I hacked its  head right off!”

“Alright,” said Cutlass, impressed.

“Yeah, I know. The glory and praise didn’t come until after I returned from that room, though. I had the monster’s head in one arm and my weapon in the other. Everyone applauded and the captain said he’d give me a promotion. Ever since, I’ve been wearing this nice thing, and living it up.” For a visual aide, he plucked a little at a corner of the chest of the similar fancy uniform he was wearing.

“That’s good to hear,” Cutlass said. Just when he finished the last bit of his drink, another lovely lady walked up to him.

“Another cocktail, sir?” she asked him like the other one did.

“Yes, please,” he responded. He took one of her full glasses in exchange for his empty one. Then she walked off and the party continued. Cutlass noticed how his fellow high-ranking minion seemed to eye her in a great deal of absorption.

“Ooh,” he mused. “I think I’ll go and try hitting on her…” That was what he did to excuse himself from the exchange of comments so he could walk off and chase after the maiden. This left Cutlass to swirl his drink around a little more, not exactly sure what to do next. Then one of the ship’s frogs came up to him with poignantly powerful breath. His words were slurred and his balance was off.

“’SCUSE ME, SIRR,” he practically belched. A look of disdain fell on Cutlass’s face. “’COULDN’T HELB BUT NOTE THAT YOU WERE SWAPPIN’ STUFF. WANNA HEAR MINE?!”

Cutlass strummed his fingers against his glass nervously before finally saying, “Um, I’ve, uh, got an appointment to attend to…” Then he walked off at a speed that was a little faster than usual. The frog was left in his wake.

“ALRIGHTY, THEN; BYE-BYE. *<HIC*.”

“…And that is why you can never trust a Goomba; ever,” the captain finished.

“I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY AGREE, SIR. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE OF THEIR SHANNANNIGANS…”

“Indeed,” the captain said. They stood a little, allowing a void to make way for itself in the middle of the talking. At last, he brought himself to say something else: “You know something, Wart; time and time again I have run the outline of this plan through my head. I can’t help but think, nay, know that it is the best one I have ever concocted.”

“YES, SIR.”

“It’s got everything: Hypnotized troops, weird circles, towns in chaos… How could we lose? I’m telling you, there’s no getting past us this time…”

“YES, SIR.”

The dreamy look of mild triumph on his face quickly faded into some type of frown at that instant. He looked down at his drink. “Now if only we could get this blasted spaceship off the ground…”

Fyooshi had finished his meal, and so it was once again about time for the two of him and his big, feathery ally to get up and press forward. As the two of them were working hard to squeeze through each of the flourishing forest’s vibrant vegetation, Fyooshi was recalling the mission…

Earlier that day, one of the stops Raphael took him on was to a less grassy spot way out in the middle of the jungle. It was more of a dirt patch, really. In the middle of it was an elongated mound surrounded by flowers. Standing before it, side-by-side, the bird told him all about it.

“These are the burial grounds for the island’s former ruler: Ramona, the Raven. She was the mother of both me and my brother, Ren. Everyone loved her, including the Yoshis. She watched over us and always knew what to do in a time of crisis. However, one day, she fell gravely ill, and there was nothing we could do. During her last days on Plit, she gave me the role of being the new ruler of this island. At last, the big day came, and we threw this funeral for her. Now she’s here, resting her weary soul...”

Fyooshi was standing beside him with his head hung in contemplation as he processed Raphael’s words.

“I did my best to fill her shoes, and, if I do say so myself, I did a pretty good job as the master of this island. I always knew my younger brother, Ren, was a little jealous of this position, but I never thought he’d ever become a problem...

“You see, one time, the Koopas came to our island. They coveted a certain magical item that has been in our family for generations: the revered Ultra Stone. It has the ability to raise one’s power to great proportions! They were willing to do just about anything to get their greedy hands on it; even kill. It was horrible. My people... They were slaughtering Ravens and Yoshis left and right. Then it was my brother’s turn. They tried asking him where it was, and when he refused to tell, I put myself in front of my brother so their Magikoopa couldn’t do anything unforgiveable to him. I was fried to a crisp, but I lived. They questioned my actions, and I told them that I’d be willing to do anything for them as long as they just left. Somehow, we compromised, so instead of leaving with the Ultra Stone, they left with me. I was at their mercy. I had to help them pillage villages, kidnap princesses, and steal magic wands. If I didn’t, they said they wouldn’t hesitate to bomb Lavalava Island. Finally, one time, they got mixed up in a situation with some babies and some Yoshis. So when the time came, the Magikoopa cast a spell on me so I could combat one of them. And now... I’m huge...”

Fyooshi nodded a little to show his understanding.

“Anyway, the fight didn’t go over too well, and I ended up being blasted off far away into the stars. For days, I drifted through space. Then these aliens came along...”

This was what Fyooshi remembered being told in order to be filled in on the background on his humungous new ally. Finally, the two of them emerged from the woods and into another opening, with a nice blue tint granted by the night sky. Its dominant feature was a tree that was the size of the Empire State Building. Fyooshi couldn’t help but put his astonishment into words as he gazed upon this leafy spectacle.

“Wow...” he mused. “So, this is where you live?”

“It’s where I lived,” Raphael corrected. “Currently, however, it’s where my brother, Ren, resides. If you want a stop to be put to his evil schemes, we must enter and face him, man-to-man.”

Fyooshi agreed whole-heartedly. Ever since Raphael was taken away, Ren had been abusing his power by forcing the Yoshis to build statues of him in the jungle and enforcing strict rules that would forbid them to do certain things at certain times and making them toil away at others. It was as unfair as unfair could be.

“Well, let’s get going,” Raphael said. They started taking a few more steps, but then something leaped in front of them out of nowhere.

WHOOSH!

“EEEEEEK!” Fyooshi screamed as he hid behind the gigantic Raphael, who stood his ground. He poked his head out from around the corner to look at this new obstacle. It was a a little black creature, very similar to a Raven, but it had something growing on its forehead that Ravens generally were not known to have: a wide, curly unibrow.

“Greetings, friends!” it said. “The name’s Razule. I enjoy walking on beds of pineapples and licking calculators!”

Fyooshi and Raphael exchanged weird looks. Raphael began communicating with it. “Uh, it’s a... pleasure to meet you, Mr. Razule, but-“

“No, nope! No! No “mister”; just Razule.”

“Um, well, yes... Razule. Listen: We were just about to enter the tree, here, so if you would, please step aside.”

“Hey, hey, HEY, man, I don’ think so!!! If you is-a gonna mess wit da tree, you is-a gonna mess wit ME! Got dat?!” he spazzed, hopping up and down continuously. “?!”

“Raphael,” Fyooshi whined, “this guy is scaring me.”

“Fear not, my friend,” he whispered back. “I know how to deal with these types.”

The mad being resumed its incessant hopping. “Hey, did you know that if you were to cross a box of tissues with an itch, you’d have an ish-“

THOOM!!!

“D’AAAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh!!!...”

In a matter of seconds, Raphael had managed to flex his birdly muscles, jump up into the air, and give the ground a good pound. The result was an ephemeral shockwave that made the ground ripple into a mass of catastrophe which sent the strange creature, Razule, flying way off into the distance. The two of them sat back and watched as his image got smaller and smaller against the night sky until it disappeared completely.

“Well, then,” said Raphael. “I do believe that’s one character we won’t be seeing for a while.”

“Uh huh,” said Fyooshi as he crept out from behind the giant Raven.

“Now without any further delay, let us enter the tree, shall we?” he said. Fyooshi nodded. With the sounds of various exotic jungle crickets chirping away in the background, the two of them continued to walk into the massive work of nature. With each step they took, flattening the grass beneath their feet, they were ever so closer to the corruptive tyrant they sought.

Ren, Fyooshi thought. We’ll make sure you pay for the things you did to us...

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.