Meanwhile, in the Deserts of Koopahari, a large purple device that would've barely passed for an oversized hunk of junk was preparing its preflight operations. The vessel was purple and more or less shaped like its current operator. Which can more or less be traced back to why it's no more then a hunk of junk.
Around the horizon, a blue figure on a broom was on a direct course for the hunk of junk. A large trail of uprooted sand lifted itself up as the figure on a broom past by, and seeing that it was all a bunch of wasted effort, the sand fell back to the ground again.
When it arrived within a few hundred feet, a hatch opened and the figure flew right in and stopped well within the confines of the storage area. He jumped off his levitating cleaning utensil and was met by a rather huge turtle.
"Well, where is he?" Bowser asked.
Kamek pulled his sand visor off and replied, "I'm sorry, Lord Bowser. But he appears to have no intention of leaving the laboratory. He claims to have gone to all extents to get the lab set up the way he wanted it and he's not prepared to leave."
"Did you mention the orders to have the planet demolished?"
"Yes, I did. Wait... 'orders'?’ You mean you aren’t working independently?"
"Yes, didn't I tell you?" Bowser replied. "You see we have all of these payments to make an- Oh, never mind. So Clever Guy refuses to come aboard?"
"Yes, he made it quite clear. I even told him about the doomsday device you have set up. He still said no and continued work on a few experiments. Actually, there is one that could be of inte-" But that was as far as Kamek got.
"Okay, forget Clever Guy. We're gonna take this planet down. Now assemble the children and Kammy in the meeting room, and I'll go and get our guests."
"Guests? I didn't know you brought anyone else onboard beyond whoever you could manage to fit aboard the Koopa Cruiser."
"Oh yes, in fact one of them may be of interest to the kids."
"Really?"
Just then, the shipwide intercom system turned itself on and a voice came out of the initial static.
"*static* Blah *static* He-hello? Is this thing on? *tap* *tap *tap* Hey, my voice sounds funny."
Kamek and Bowser turned to face the intercom, both with confused faces.
"Hello all you wonderful people out there! And I also acknowledge your existence, those of you who aren't in my studio. Now anyways, I'd love to open my mouth and say something like this that I think everyone on the ship needs to hear. *ahem* September 26, 1994. You know, diary, I just can't stand the thought of going to bed without my adorable Yoshi doll. It's so cute and plushie. I think I'll go hug it now. Okay, I'm back, diary. That was a wonderful squeeze."
Kamek turned from the intercom, "What a very weird person. Hugging a Yoshi doll. And why in the world is that guy using the ship's intercom?" But Kamek didn't get a response. He turned to face where Bowser was standing and simply got a glimpse of Bowser running down the hallway in total rage mode.
Kamek decided that there wasn't much he could do. So he went off to find the Koopa Kids and report them to the conference room.
~-~-~-~-~-~
"Why're we here?" Roy more of flubbed then spoke.
"There appears to be some sort of meeting or other," Iggy replied.
"Can't we just get this hunk of junk to take off? I was in the midst of doing my nails." Wendy showed her hands to everyone in the room. Nail paint had run from her finger nails, and in some sloppy lines managed to streak the rest of her hand.
Everyone cringed back in distaste. "You didn't have to show them to us." Iggy replied.
"My eyes! My beautiful eyes, they've been tainted for life!" Kammy shrieked and clutched her glasses.
"You're all a bunch of big wusses," Roy interjected, " It's just some misplaced paint."
"Well obviously, you aren't a girl. You don't know how important these things really are," spoke a somewhat familiar voice in the next room.
Wendy agreed, "Yes, exactly. Boys have no sense of style."
Kammy simply kept her hands to her face and gave an assuring nod.
Iggy turned to Roy and stuck his tongue out and pointed inside. They both giggled quietly. Who knows why they did it secretly to themselves; everyone was looking.
“Well at least 'I’ don’t go around telling my diary that I hug Yoshi dolls,” Wendy shot back.
“You mean it was your voice on the intercom?” Iggy asked, flabbergasted.
“Wait, you’re accusing me of hugging a Yoshi doll?” Wendy fumed. “I would never-”
“HAHA! So it was you!” Roy concluded.
Wendy stomped her foot on the ground a few times. “Listen to me!”
Roy and Iggy joined in on a chorus, “Wendy likes Yoshi! Wendy likes Yoshi!”
It was then that the doors opened to the conference room. Larry was being ushered in by Kamek. Soon afterwards King Koopa marched in the doorway. He had a small man in a blue parka slung over his shoulders in heavy and tight black chains. Despite the chains, the wearer of them was wiggling like crazy. Obviously the person within the chains was rather upset about something but it just couldn’t manage to make it all out with the white hankerchief gag around his mouth.
Bowser set the luggage on the seat to his left and took his own chair at the head of the table. Larry and Kamek also took their assigned seats, and Roy, Wendy and Iggy all pretended that nothing had just gone on.
With a fake cough, Bowser started the meeting, “Ah-hem. I thank you all for coming on this fine evening.”
“It’s not like we had a choice,” Roy flubbed.
“Yeah, something about destroying all of Plit,” Iggy also interrupted.
“Would you just be quiet and let me explain?!” Bowser asked at above indoor voice level.
The eskimo in the chains wobbled a bit more then usual.
“Yes, I’ll get to your part in just a moment.”
The eskimo only rolled his eyes. Well, that was only partly true, he also was working on a plan to get out of his chains. Though, most of his plans involved having access to very large guns and several rounds.
“As you all know, all of our prior incidents with the Mushroom Kingdom have always managed to fail more or less spectacularly. Due to no fault of my own.”
“AH-CHIZ-YOUR-FAULT”
“God bless you, Larry. Now, while we are still trying to find the single largest factor of all these failures...”
Iggy drew a box in the air to Roy and he bubbled.
“... we have come up with an alternate and expensive solution. BEHOLD! The Koopa Cruiser!” Bowser stood up and waved his arms around for effect.
“Uh, Dad, we know that. We’re on the Koopa Cruiser,” Wendy interrupted.
“Err, why don’t you just skip to the point, Master Bowser?” Kamek interrupted. "It’s getting quite long and if you’re going to inform the children of our plans and guests-”
Wendy was the first to speak up. “We have guests?”
“Wait... sense when do we have plans?” Roy jumped in.
“Har har, you’re so funny Roy. I almost forgot to laugh,” Bowser said, quite annoyed. “Our 'plan’, Roy, is to launch the Koopa Cruiser into orbit around Plit and get paid for destroying it.”
“Money?” It was Larry’s turn to interrupt. “We’re getting paid?”
“Guests, plans, money... What’s really going on, King Dad?” Wendy asked.
“And where’s Morton? Why isn’t he here at the meeting with us?” Iggy also asked.
“Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!” Bowser screamed. After taking a deep breath he started to speak again. “Perhaps this meeting was a bad idea. I’ll leave it to you kids to figure out what’s going on on your own. Meeting dismissed!”
That was all it took for a stack of papers to up-end itself and just about everyone to scramble out of the room.
“*sigh* I wasn’t hoping that it would run this way. Might as well get a cup of coffee before liftoff.”
And Bowser left the room as well. The room was quite empty save for about a dozen chairs, papers strung all over the floor, a computer display, some unused nail polish, and some unoccupied chains.
Chapter 8: Maria
It was a beautiful day at the Mushroom Way. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. And best of all, no one, but no one was around even remotely to ruin it for him. Not a soul for miles.
So he picked a nice and shady spot under a cool elm tree and unfolded his sun chair. He took his hat off his head and pulled an ice cold glass of lemonade out from it and placed it back securely on his head. Then he laid down on his sun chair and tipped his large black hat that produced cheap beverages, so that it shaded his eyes from the little sun that was getting past the leaves.
He must have dozed off because he found himself waking to hear a small wild Goomba caught in some nearby vines.
It had the most annoying voice that went, "Wha! Wha! Wha! Wha! Wha! Wha! Wha!" and so on... Listening to three of those calls was annoying, listening to them nonstop was...
Obviously he wasn't going to get back to his nap with all that crying.
The as of yet unnamed vacationer-to-be lifted his fingers and a small black flame formed in his fingers.
"Darn, I must've forgotten to pay the color bill again."
He tossed his black flame at the vines that had the poor and annoying critter still caught.
He missed.
The black flame cropped the top of the Goomba's hair and the Goomba was shocked twice.
#1. He didn't know that he had hair to begin with.
#2. It nearly missed his face (which, being a Goomba, practically covered his whole body).
So he did what he was already doing, only quicker, louder, and ever more so annoying then ever.
"WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-
WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!..."
The Koopa with the pointy hat clutched his ears in pain, waddled over to the Goomba, and tried to reach the vines that had it caught. He thought he had a good grip on the vine. The Goomba thought he had a good grip on the Koopa's hand using his teeth. The bird that the Koopa was enjoying before this whole shenanigan had a good grip on the situation and wanted no part of it, so he flew away along with just about every other wild animal within earshot.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow..."
"WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA-WHA!-"
While bouncing up and down in pain, the Koopa with the trapped Goomba attached to his hand decided to take this as an opportunity to give the vine a well deserved kick. The vine, had it been sentient, would not have thought that it deserved to be kicked. Nor would it have thought that having a Goomba caught amongst its branches helped it to get some good light onto its leaves. But had it been able to, which by all particle and impractical means it couldn't and wouldn't, it would have taken some amount of pleasure that the figure that was jumping up and down and tugging at its branches and all around being just as loud as the idiot Goomba, ended up missing the plant all together, instead hitting a rather large and dense block of metal.
So the Koopa was now clutching his left foot with his right hand, hopping up and down on his right foot, and trying to wave off the Goomba with a death grip on his left hand.
Not many things could've made this situation much worse... but the author of this story is going to try and take a good swipe at it. And this attempt has to do with launching the majority of the Team of Tettor at this poor Koopa in black.
The skies turned purple, and a large funnel opened itself up and launched the TOT right for the ground. Or it would have been right to the ground had this poor Koopa not been in the way.
The Koopa looked up to the heavens and saw a large block in a bathsuit, a red Magikoopa trying to untangle a coat from some piece of cloth... and there appeared to be more coming.
“This is just going to be one of those days,” the Koopa thought to himself.
The TOT all landed on top of the Koopa and formed some nice silhouettes of the fallers in the ground.
Chapter 9: Preperations
The Musroom Kingdom Castle was a motherboard of activity and movement. Everywhere Mushroomers were running (slipping) across the rooms of the castle so they could stop (crash) and put streamers and perpare for the cerimony at the Mushroom Kingdom (wallow in pain). The castle was a sight to be seen. Powerful oak beams supported a vibrant chandellier filled with a million little crystals attached to a copper frame. The tables were set with white and blue china and folded napkins. Chef Spore was busy in the kitchen prepairing a glorius feast. The marble floors of the castle were totally spotless, and that is of course the main reason why no one could seem to stand up right.
“WHERE IS HE?!”
It should be noted that Princess Toadstool was considered by both her people and those of far away lands as the most caring and gentle creature ever to bless all of existence with her presence. She could charm the most volatile dictator into accepting mutual peaceful co-existance and was known for her charm and patience. But she is, as they say, only human and subjected to the same outbursts normal people give out. (Though, if she’s only human, then why’s her father a walking fungus?)
Anyways, this was one of those instances where the princess blew her top. Of all her personal servants, there was one who went well beyond the job. In fact, if he went any further beyond it, he’d have torn through the next room, wiped out half the kingdom, and for an encore gone so far as to fall over the edge of the planet. But he wouldn’t be satisfied to stop there. Somehow, some way, he’d make a valient effort to keep going.
It was too bad all this energy was dumped into being a custodian instead of battling evil.
“Now now, I’m sure there’s nothing to be overly excited aboooooooooooooooout-" *CRASH* The famous last words of the chancellor as he took one wrong step on the waxed floor and slipped his way into the percariously balanced set of crystal wine glasses. He also single-handedly managed to shatter them into itty bitty tiny bits.
“Chancellor?! Are you alright?” Princess Toadstool asked with alarm.
A single hand reached out from the
pile of rubble and signaled that the bearer of that arm was still alive.
There could’ve been more to that
message like, “I could use some help here” or “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean
to turn your 80-piece glass collection into an 8,000 piece collection”
or just as possible “I found the lost treasure of the ancient ‘shrooms
that occupied this land, and it’s shaped like a Bob’s Discount Furnture
gift certificate.” But no one knew sign language in that room (and neither
did the owner of the now limp hand), nor did it matter. No one was planning
on saving the chancelor. Even if they'd wanted to, the floor was too slick
for them to even bother an attempt.
“I’ll go and send for Wooster, my lady,” Toadsworth replied as he managed to slide into the next wall and pass through it.
Princess Toadstool slumped down in her chair and made a conscious effort not to rest her feet on the floor, lest she join Toadsworth in the next wall. “Why, why, why...” she thought to herself. “Why can’t things run smoothly in this place for once? If it isn’t the Koopa Family trashing another event, it’s another evil force. If not that, then Wooster manages to get too caught up with his cleaning.” She took a look around. I you ignored the various Mushrooms and items that were smashed, mangled, or broken as a direct result of slipping on the frictionless waxed floor, then it really was a tidy place. Too bad the tidyness got totally covered by the various Mushrooms and items that were smashed, mangled, and/or broken.
“Well,” she said out loud, “at least things can’t get any worse.”
At about that time, Toad came sliding into the room and did a cool backflip onto a stable pillow. “Hey Princess! The first guests have arived! ... Say, these floors are extra slick today. You could pratically go ice skating on these. Oh, and about the guests, they want to know when they can be let inside.”
The princess simply sat blankly through all of Toad’s report. No muscles were moving, and her eyes were locked open.
“WOOSTER!!!”
A short Mushroomer skated into the throne room with brushes straped to his shoes, a sponge in his left hand, and a bottle of Windex in the other. He sped up, jumped into the air, did a 1260, and landed on the ground with grace and proceeded to skate smoothly backwards. A clearly visible trail of sparkles and a glistening combination of cleanness and lemon freshness followed his skating brushes.
So did all the people that were falling and slipping.
Eventually, he stoped skating and took a look at the fallen servants, shattered glass, and other misplaced items.
The sight of all this grand mess to him was the equivilent of being stranded in the midst of a firey inferno, with lightning, intense winds, and perpetual naggings from your in-laws.
“What happened here?!” Wooster exclaimed, nearly dropping his Windex.
Princess Toadstool took a deep breath and proceeded to stutter, “What happened... WHAT HAPPENED?! You- YOU happpened! Look at this place! Everyone’s managed to slip and fall on your super slick floors! We’ve got guests arriving and-”
Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep!
Wooster looked at his watch. “Whoops, my cameo in this fic is about over; I’ll see you later, Princess.” And with that, he skated out of the throne room.
“Toad...”
“Yes?”
“Why did I hire him again?”
“Because no one else was willing to clean up the castle after a Koop-napping.”
“Ah... Toad...”
“Yes?”
“Find some rocks, and cover the floors with them.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Chapter 10: The Return Trip to Isle Soshi
“Pain.”
“I can’t feel my arm!”
“Where’s my I love Lucy Jacket?!”
“RUBBER DUCKY?”
“Wha- Wha- Wha- Wha- Wha- Wha- Wha- Wha-”
A pile consiting of the TOT minus Torte plus one obnoxious Goomba and a black-shrouded Magikoopa filled the air with its perplexing music. A limp hand managed to reach its way out of the pile and wave itself around a bit. In a poof of black flames the TOT shot straight up in the air and lingered there.
The black Magikoopa crawled out of the deep hole and brushed himself off.
“Would you mind telling me what in blazes you’re doing falling on me like that? Oh wait, before you answer that...” The Magikoopa levitated the Goomba away from the TOT and sent him flying off in the direction of the vines to which the Goomba was caught, only he didn’t quite get re-entangled. The Goomba more of went 'clank’ against the vines and fell unconscious. Definitely not what the Magikoopa was expecting, but at least the “Wha- Wha-”ing stoped.
“Now, where were we?”
“I was minding my own busniness when the Apprentice went and tangled up my I love Lucy brand labcoat in the curtains.” “WHOMP TAKE BATH!” “I was minding my own business trying to untangle Genius Guy’s coat when-”
“SHUT UP!”
The TOT shut up. This startled the Magikoopa, mainly because he was actually expecting them to just keep on talking away at the same time.
“Thank you... Now, err... Why don’t you all introduce yourselves to me. ONE AT A TIME. My name is Wilco, Lord Wilco.” The black-coated Magikoopa gave a bow.
“I’m Genius Guy.”
“I’m Embert.”
“I’m Changling.”
“WHOMP! WHOMP GO WHOMP!”
“And I’m... uh, starving. What do you have to eat?” the Apprentice said, while ever so carefully attempting to avoid his real name.
With a sigh, Wilco pulled off his hat and removed a few 'Jucy-Juice’ brand juice packs and tossed them to his newfound conversationalists.
“I’m sorry, but that’s all I have,” Wilco said sheepishly.
“But wait, aren’t you a black level Magikoopa?” Changling inquired. “That’s the highest level a Magikoopa can attain, and you can’t produce more?”
“I take it you don’t pay your magic tax; I can see why you’re still a red,” Wilco repiled with an obnoxious 'Ha-Ha I can see right though you’ sort of grin. Changling took a step back and decided that he was content to sip away at his jucy-juice.
“So why don’t you tell me what you were doing falling on me durring my vacation time?”
One extreemly long, complex explanation later...
“Okay, let me see if I’ve got this right: You’re from an 'evil’ organization known as the TEAM OF TERROR; your kitchen floor got demolished by a walking talking brick; you all proceeded to fall through and get sucked into a vortex that opened up right above my poor well being. All the while, your boss is somewhere unconscious and will beat you to death with a cooking utencil?”
The Apprentice nudged Changling on the shoulder. “He’s good. Think he’ll be interested in joining us? We could use someone like him.”
Changling took one glance at Wilco’s black gown. “I sure hope not.”
“Well, it looks like you guys are going to be needing a ride home; too bad I can’t help. My personal tower is missing its lower half and I’m a bit tied up with the repair costs,” Wilco responded.
“WHA- WHA- WHA- WHA- WHA...”
“Apparantly my little 'friend’ has woken up. I’ll be one moment.” Wilco turned from his levitated guests and faced the pile of vines. A huge ball of black flames formed between his two hands; some wind kicked up blowing in Wilco’s face and his sorceror's gown began rippling, at once the collection of flames ejected from his hands and went right on for the nearby vines. A huge mushroom of dark smoke filled the air.
Wilco gasped for air and waved the smoke away, “cough cough* Well, I guess that about takes care of... Oh no.” He stoped cold.
As the smoke begain to fade, every hint of vegetation was clearly and totally removed from the area. A large bent block of metal and two halves of a metalic skelital structure lay in its place. However, the yapping Goomba remained un-singed.
“Why, why, WHY?! What is it you have against me?!” Wilco was down on his knees and screaming at the idiot Goomba. The Goomba, however, was still getting over the shock of impossibly surviving such an amazing attack. Its eyes were stuck open, jaw dropped to the ground, and he was making involuntary twitching motions.
Genius Guy took some interest in the pile of rubble. “Hey, this looks like an old Zeppelin! We could use this to go back home!”
“Are you kidding?” Changling asked from his spot in the air, “That thing is in three pieces, there’s no way it’s going to get airborne, much less get us home...”
Wilco regained his stamina and stood up, “Actually... it can help get you all home.”
“Wha?”
- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ -
A few minutes latter, a large truck was backing up to the pile of rubble. With yellow lights flashing and that annoying back up beeping noise, it approached it’s prey. Ever so carefully, it crept up to its quarry with the grace and care of King Kong trapped in a marble land slide. It grabbed and dumped the rubble heap with the same amount of care. When the driver was halfway certain that the goods weren’t going to fall off, he hopped into the front seat, revved up the engine, and drove off in a huge puff of smoke. Tire skid marks managed to last about 300 feet before they became margionally close to the color of the road.
In the back of the truck, the pile of rubble appeared to make no attempts to appeal to the cries of horror as its stowaways lunged back and forth as the truck made every turn and bump.
“GAH! Remind me not to ride luggage on our next flight,” Changling welped just before he went head on into the Apprentice’s skull.
“Oh! That’ll feel good for a day or so...” The Apprentice begain rubbing his head between bumps.
“Hey, look on the bright side, guys!” Genius Guy bisfully reported, “At least we’re getting a free ride home.”
“Wha! Wha! Wha! Wha!”
“Hey! Who let the Goomba on?!” Changling asked.
“I think it let itself on,” Embert responded.
“Wha! Wha! Wha!”
“Joy,” Changling responded.
“Hey has anyone seen Whomp?” Embert asked.
The Appretnice looked left and right. “I don’t see him.”
“Maybe he didn’t get onboard?” Genius Guy suggested.
“Nonsense, that Wilco fellow assured us that we’d all get to Isle of Soshi,” Embert interjected.
“I still don’t trust him,” Changling replied.
- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ -
Meanwhile, Wilco was examining his flying broom from the passanger's side of the truck and making sure it would work. Unfortunately some rather loud screams of terror filled his ears so he rolled up the window. “Now, am I to believe that you like to take baths?”
“WHOMP LIKE BATH! WHOMP WHOMP TUB!” Whomp took his hands off the stearing wheel and grabbed his rubber ducky. The duck made some squeaking noises as he squeazed it between his hands, the tires made the exact same noise as it hugged the curb.
Wilco dorped his broom and grabbed the stearing wheel before the garbage truck could manage to up-end itself.
“WHAAAAA! You dummy! You are not to take your hands off the wheel until I get off it.”
“WHOMP UNDERSTAND!”
Whomp was about to shove Wilco out the door when he spoke up. “And I don’t need help doing it. Now pay attention.”
“WHOMP IN DEPT. WHOMP NO CAN PAY! WHOMP WILL WHOMP AMERICAN EXPRESS!”
“Shhhhhh! There’s no need to get excited. Just listen closely- AND KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE ROAD!!!” Wilco screamed.
Whomp looked in front of the truck and swerved to avoid an oncoming taxi. The driver of the taxi screamed some gibberish at the driver of the garbage truck before making itself an ornament in a nearby billboard ad.
When the garbage truck managed to steady itself for the time being, Whomp took his eyes off the road again to examine his co-pilot. Wilco was hyperventalating and clutching his broom with all his might. A few seconds later, he got over his close encounter and faced Whomp again. “Just, let me give you some instructions before I manage to pass out. See that over there?” Wilco pointed to a long dock a head of them.
“WHOMP SEE RUBBER DUCKY!” Whomp pointed to the rubber ducky on the dashboard and tried to grab it again. Wilco lunged for the stearing wheel again.
“Pay attention! Now, see that dock? I want you to drive on that dock and to not stop.”
“WHOMP WANT TO TAKE BATH WITH RUBBER DUCKY!”
“Oh... you’ll get your bath alright.”
“WHOMP LIKE BATH!”
“I’m sure you do... now you remember what I said right?”
“WHOMP NO STOP!”
“Good... Good...” Wilco opened the door and jumped out with his broom. The sudden inertia threw him off guard for a moment, but he managed to readjust quickly. He then flew over to where he gained the attention of the TOT in the back of the truck. He waved to them, and the TOT waved back while clutching their aching limbs. Then Wilco pointed to the wide ocean and the TOT looked that way with the same look that a person gives out when he learns that he just lost his life fortune to a bet that he thought his wife didn’t know about. And it turns out that not only did the wife know about it, she was there when he managed to lose all the money.
Wilco waved “bye-bye” just before the truck when flying off the edge of the dock and into the ocean.