"Hi! I’m Lemmy Koopa, Bowser’s second oldest son. I would like to tell the tale of how I defeated the mighty plumbers, Mario and Luigi. So here it goes.
"It was a regular afternoon. That means it was boring. My siblings and I were sitting around in the Koopa Lounge trying to think of something to do. There were eight of us in the room because our cousin Nick Koopa had come to visit. That made the afternoon even worse, because Nick liked to play nasty tricks on us when Bowser wasn’t around, like dehydrate Wendy with his heating powers and stone Ludwig with his powers over Earth. He even tried to fry me, but my magic ball absorbed the fire so I wasn’t hurt.
"Of course, I had many ideas about what to do, because I am the fun loving Koopa. ‘Anyone for an obstacle course race?’
"‘It’s too hot,’ Ludwig said.
"‘How about going for a dip in the pool?’ I tried again.
"‘Too ordinary,’ said Wendy, to my surprise.
"‘We could lift weights,’ I offered, looking at Iggy.
"‘Weights are for dopes,’ he said, to my astonishment.
"‘You people are all lazy!’ I yelled, exasperated. Then I thought of a game that didn’t require any energy. ‘Let’s play marbles!’
"None of my siblings responded to my suggestion, but the eyes of my cousin Nick began to sparkle. ‘Marbles?’ he laughed, ‘I always win at marbles. You’re on!’
"Now, I hadn’t expected Nick, of all people, to accept my suggestion. At first I frowned because I did not think very highly of Nick (an understatement). Suddenly, however, I remembered a special set of marbles I had built years earlier. They seemed made for just such an occasion as this.
"‘I’m going upstairs to get my lucky set of marbles,’ I announced.
"Nick laughed as I left. ‘Lucky set? You’re gonna need a lot more luck than that!’
"I did not respond to his wisecrack and continued up to my room. There, in my closet, I found the old marble set. The marbles were actually round magnets that looked like real marbles, and came equipped with a conveniently invisible magnetized remote controller that could pull the marbles in any way I chose. I chuckled to myself because I knew that Nick didn’t stand a chance. Then I remembered that Nick was expecting me to bring a lucky set of marbles. ‘I will coat these in ice so that they will resemble my personality,’ I decided. I dropped each marble into dry ice, a very cold type of ice, and then fished them out with a fishing net. Satisfied, I put the marbles in a bag and went downstairs to face Nick.
"Nick had already drawn a circle for playing marbles. Of course, he drew the circle right on the Koopa Lounge’s carpet and pulled out one of Morton’s claws to be used as a writing utensil. This had caused Morton to scream irrationally and unceasingly, but Nick did not care because he had very selective hearing. Fortunately, I had selective hearing too, which I learned from having the room next to Morton’s for so many years.
"‘So you actually came back?’ sneered Nick. ‘I was hoping you would roll away.’
"‘Come on, let’s play,’ I said, eagerly.
"‘Very well,’ said Nick. ‘But I get to go first!’
"‘Of course,’ I said as I poured the marbles into the ring. ‘The guest always goes first.’
"‘Right!’ agreed Nick. Then he noticed that the carpet around the marbles had turned blue. ‘Cool!’ he said. ‘Phosphorescent marbles! Did I mention that the winner gets the marbles?’
"‘Very well,’ I agreed.
"‘Okay, let’s play!’ Nick shouted. ‘Which one is the shooting marble?’
"‘Oops!’ I said. ‘It’s still in the bag.’ I fished around in the bag for it while Nick chuckled at my mistake. Finally, I found it and pulled it out of the bag. ‘Rats’ I thought when I noticed that I had neglected to coat the shooter ball in ice. ‘I hope Nick doesn’t notice...’
"I gave Nick the marble and he didn’t say anything, although he seemed a little disappointed that it didn’t look anything like the other marbles. Grinning, Nick placed the ball on his half of the circle and lined up his shot. Closing his eyes, he pushed his thumb forward and shot.
"Quickly, I turned on my remote control and put it as far to the left of the ring as I could reach. The marble changed its course and left the circle without hitting any marbles.
"‘What happened?’ Nick exclaimed. ‘I made a perfect shot!’
"I finally allowed myself to grin. ‘Tough luck,’ I said as Nick growled at me. I placed the shooting ball on my side of the circle and lined up my shot so that Nick would think I was playing for real. I shot the marble and then placed my control staight over a large patch of marbles. My marble hit dead on and 5 marbles left the circle.
‘Nick stared in disbelief as one of the marbles rolled into his leg. Suddenly, Nick turned into a frozen blue statue! I, along with all my siblings, stared at our frozen enemy.
"‘How did you do that?’ Roy finally asked.
"‘I’m not sure,’ I said, scratching my head. ‘I wonder if it’s the dry ice I put on the marbles.’
"‘Dry ice?!’ exclaimed Ludwig. ‘That’s ingenious!’
"‘Thanks,’ I smiled.
"‘Hey, I just had a great idea!’ Larry grinned. ‘What if you tried that on Mario?’
"‘That’s a great idea!’ agreed Wendy.
"I didn’t really like the idea, but since I was bored, I agreed to go out and play marbles with Mario and Luigi. I took my Freeze Gun with me, just in case the situation were to get out of hand.
"I found Mario and Luigi eating spaghetti at the Princess’s Castle, which is what I planned for. Without trying to hide, I walked up to their picnic table and boldly said, ‘Hey, Mario. Would you like to play some marbles?’
"Mario jumped up from the table. ‘Lemmy!’ he exclaimed. ‘What are you doing here?’
"‘There’s nothing to do over at Koopa Castle,’ I explained, truthfully enough, ‘As the fun loving Koopa, I got bored and I wanted to go see if I could find some one to play with. Wanna play?’
"‘Oh sure,’ scoffed Luigi, who was still eating spaghetti, ‘If Mario plays, you’ll probably whip out your Freeze Gun and freeze him.’ Mario nodded his head in agreement (and then forced Luigi to stand up so that Luigi wouldn’t be eating his pasta).
"I suddenly had an idea. ‘Actually, I do have my Freeze Gun with me,’ I said, taking it out of my shell. ‘I always carry it for protection.’ I gave the gun to Mario, who looked very confused. ‘Would you like to play marbles now?’ I asked, trying to put a pitiful expression on my face.
"‘Hmm,’ considered Mario. ‘That is his only weapon we know of and everything he’s said so far has sounded truthful enough. I suppose one game of marbles couldn’t hurt.’
"‘Great!’ I explained as I whipped out the bag of marbles. I used my claw to draw a circle in the pavement and dropped half of the marbles into the circle. I gave the shooter marble to Mario to inspect, and then we both sat down to play.
"‘Can I play too?’ asked Luigi, using the same pitiful expression I had used.
"‘No!’ said Mario.
"‘Sure!’ I said.
"‘Thanks!’ said Luigi. He sat down next to the circle as Mario stuck out his tongue at him.
"‘You can go first,’ I said to Mario. He aimed his marble and made a nice shot just to the left of the middle of the circle. I let the marble take its full course, but was careful that no marble hit Luigi. One marble actually hit me, but since I was born in Ice Land, I can not be frozen, or at least not by dry ice.
"‘3 marbles!’ exclaimed Mario. ‘Beat that!’ he said, passing the shooting marble to Luigi.
"‘With pleasure!’ Luigi grinned. He aimed the marble and took a shot, but this time I sent the ball straight at...
"‘Mario!’ gasped Luigi. A marble had bounced out of the circle and into Mario, who froze instantly.
"‘You’re next!’ I laughed as I jumped up from the circle. I was just about to throw a marble at Luigi when I heard a familiar voice behind me.
"‘Yoshi freeze you!’ said the green dinosaur angrily.
"I stared in shock as Yoshi picked up the bag of marbles and threw its contents straight at me. Many hit me, but I was immune. Suddenly, I regained my senses and jumped. One marble went under me and straight into Luigi, who had not moved from his place at the circle. Just like Mario, Luigi froze instantly. I laughed hysterically as I picked up a marble and flung it at Yoshi. He tried to save himself by eating the marble, but even his hot digestive system couldn’t save him from the dry ice. Yoshi was transformed into a very pretty blue statue.
"I picked up my Freeze Gun and went into the nearby castle. I froze all the guards and then Princess Toadstool herself. I pushed her back home to Koopa Castle, defrosted her, and forced her to sign her kingdom over to me. This she did, although very reluctantly.
"Now I am the ruler of the entire Mushroom Kingdom. And to think that it all started out with a game of marbles."
(But not really)
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