You! What're you doing in my house again?! Bah! Let me guess, you want to hear more about what happened? I knew it. Alright, I can fill you in on the back story.
Just as a warning, this story is totally pathetic and you should run away now.
Really. You'd better be scared. Some people go deaf from the stupidness of this kind of story.
Oh, fine! I'll just tell you already!
It all began on a certain day on Plit. A day the likes of which had rarely
been seen in hundreds of years. Not since the days of Atlantis had this
type of day been a common everyday occurance! So, are you interested now?
Darn it! Fine, I'll keep on going.
Prologue
It was a cold day in the Mushroom Kingdom. And I mean a REALLY cold one. Let's just say if Fryguys were to suddenly attack everyone, it'd STILL be pretty dang cold. Alright, now that we've cleared that, let's actually begin this tale, which began a week after this day. Said day was somehow pretty hot.
Croco: (sweating) It's so hot...
Crook B: I think... the narrator... established that.
Croco: What narrator?
Crook B: I dunno. Must be having some kind of heat stroke.
Croco: Let's head back to Joke's End. It should be pretty cool there.
Crook 1: Like always.
The four begin to run there, but stop due to the heat.
Croco: This is terrific. There has got to be SOMEWHERE cold right now in the Mushroom Kingdom.
The four walk around and see a warp pipe to the sewers. They go down it, hoping the underground is at least a little cooler. In there, they find that it is extremely cold, and that a treasure chest resides within this room. Croco opens the chests and pulls out a scroll. He opens it and suddenly smiles.
Croco: Crooks, looks like we may take over the Mushroom Kingdom yet! Hehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Crook III: One problem sir. We'll probably need a vast army, and, well, a crocodile, three Crooks, and some Bob-ombs isn't very vast.
Croco: We'll need only one more, and I know exactly where to find him!
Meanwhile, deep in the confines of Smithy's Factory, Yaridovich sits talking to his master and creater.
Smithy: Yaridovich, I have a job for you that requires you to go to Plit - alone - and then go to Earth. A treasure is hidden on Earth that will let me free if acquired.
Yaridovich: What kind of treasure is this? Does it have anything to do with you?
Smithy: No, not particularly. Legends from thousands of years ago state that a magical treasure is hidden on Earth. This treasure, when acquired, will grant any one wish, but only to those who know the secrets of its power. I know this, and I require that you bring me the Spork of Atlantis!
Yaridovich: What kind of treasure is a spork?
Smithy: No, not just a spork, THE spork! And yes, I agree that it is a rather foolish idea for a treasure, at least none would expect it... So, Yaridovich, go now and use the warp pipe in front of Bowser's Castle SPECIFICALLY to get to Earth. You must use that warp pipe. You'll arrive in Brooklyn through a bathtub. Afterwards, go to Washington DC and the Axem Rangers will be there to meet you. I'm sending them there soon, and I'll send my army in the coming days. Yaridovich, you will need to waste no time. Others may try to acquire the Spork of Atlantis before you.
Yaridovich picks his spear up and walks to the machine that'll be used to transport him to Plit. He steps in it, and appears in the woods near Toad Town.
Yaridovich: Excellent, now to find Dark Land.
Yaridovich walks off toward Dark Land. In town, Croco comes out of the warp pipe and he and his Crooks run for Koopa Village to enlist the help they need.
Crook 1: So, sir, who is it we need to enlist?
Croco: His name is Kent C. Koopa, and I'm positive he'll be willing to help. Try not to mess with him though... violence won't accomplish much when dealing with him.
The three keep on running as the robotic evil Yaridovich keeps on toward Dark Land.
Crook B: Where is Atlantis anyway?
Croco: Some say Ireland. In a much more likely event, it is under the sea, deep down far below the depth most'd be willing to go, even if it is a kingdom made of gold.
Crook III: A kingdom of gold?! Why worry about the Mushroom Kingdom when you could use the Spork of Atlantis to raise it and make it yours?!
Croco: I could do that, but what is the point of controlling a kingdom without peasants?! Plus, it isn't like gold is worth all that much when you own a kingdom. No, what I shall wish for is something far more valuable: control over all of Earth. I will then use my vast armies to storm Plit and conquer it!
Crook B: That's our boss!
Crook 1: But it does seem unlikely you'll find Atlantis when it is so far under the sea.
Croco: I have a way.
The four arrive in Koopa Village. There, they see Kent C. sitting by a tree, resting.
Croco: Let me handle this guy. You three go on to the warp pipe in Daisy's castle. I'll meet you there with him.
The three Crooks dash away.
Chapter 1: Villainous Venture
The robotic evil Yaridovich walks into Dark Land, cackling. He walks through the land and eventually reaches a warp pipe. He walks into it slowly and comes out in Brooklyn.
Smithy: (over communicator) Excellent. Now then, hurry up and get to Washington DC!
Yaridovich: Would it not have made more sense for me to have gone through that warp pipe originally?
Smithy: I have my reasons, Yaridovich. Don't worry, everything will work out excellently assuming no one beats you there.
Yaridovich: Why worry? Anyway, though, end transmission.
Smithy hangs up and then laughs maniacally.
Smithy: This plan is foolproof! Literally.
Meanwhile, Croco has already talked to Kent C. Koopa. As the two head for Sarasaland, the conversation is remembered exactly by both.
Croco: You Kent C. Koopa?
Kent C: Who's asking?
Croco: My name is Croco. Perhaps you've heard of me.
Kent C: Yeah! You're the guy who was eaten by that pie!
Croco: I prefer to not mention that, see? Anyway, I have a bit of an offer to make you.
Kent C: What is it?
Croco: I know of a magical treasure that is locked away deep under the sea on the planet known as Earth. This treasure will allow me to conquer both Earth and Plit, and if you help I'll give you a seat of power.
Kent C: Sounds interesting. Let me pack my things.
Kent C had brought along five jewels he was given during his time of running the route from Toad Town to Koopa Village. He also brought a metallic glove he'd purchased off the black market. The two soon get to a warp pipe.
Croco: This will lead to Daisy's castle. We shall set out from there.
The two go inside and come out in Daisy's castle. Once there, they go into another warp pipe. They come out in Japan in a city. The Crooks stand waiting for them.
Croco: Excellent. Now, we shall head onward. First we'd probably get something to eat. We'll stop by a cellar and steal some food from there.
They walk into a cellar and find a well there. They see nothing else.
Croco: We can at least get water from the well.
The five look down and notice that there is no water in there, at least within viewing distance. A ladder leads down.
Croco: Let's go down until we see some.
The five climb down the ladder. They climb and climb, and eventually they get to the bottom.
Croco: Perfect. Let's go back up.
They climb out of the well. They jump out at the top and notice that the well is now outdoors and that the city is now a village.
Croco: Um...
Kent C: I wonder...
Croco: Let me see those crystals you brought along. Now!
Kent C: Fine, fine.
Kent C. pulls out five pinkish fragments of a jewel and hands them to Croco. Croco inspects them.
Croco: You idiot! These are sacred jewel shards!
Kent C: Meaning...?
Croco: *sigh* Never- wait a minute! Kent C, Crook 1, and Crook B, you three go into the present and find the Spork of Atlantis. Me and Crook III will stay in this era and find Atlantis. If we find the Spork we'll join you in the present and show it to you.
The former three go back into the well, each taking one of the jewel shards. Croco holds on to the other two. Meanwhile, Yaridovich has stolen a car and is driving to Washington DC. Everything is going just fine as he travels at breakneck speeds. He arrives in less than an hour and walks through town. After searching through the town thoroughly nearly 20 times, he sits down to rest.
Yaridovich: Where on Plit, er, Earth is that warp pipe?
Suddenly, the Axem Rangers jump down from in the air. The seven (Blue and Silver are with them) land on their feet in front of him.
Yaridovich: WHERE WAS THE WARP PIPE?!
Axem Red: Geez, calm down. Haven't you ever watched Reptiles in the Rose Garden?
Yaridovich merely stands up and points his spear toward the sun.
Yaridovich: No matter! Come now! We shall head for Atlantis!
The eight robotic minions of Smithy get in the car Yaridovich brought and begin to drive.
Axem Red: How will we find Atlantis anyway?
Yaridovich: We are machines, so we need no oxygen. We shall simply dive the car down and drive on the ocean floor until we find something.
Axem Black: That could take years! A better strategy would be to split up and agree to meet back in Brooklyn in a week.
Yaridovich: Excellent idea, Axem Black. I shall suggest you for a promotion to Smithy.
Axem Black: Haha!
The eight continue their drive to the coast. Meanwhile, or, well, more like about a few hundreds of years in the past, Croco and Crook III are sitting in a small abandoned shack in the village that in their time will be a city. Suddenly they are disturbed by hearing a girl yell.
Girl: I see two sacred jewel shards inside that shack!
Croco: Dang!
Are you crazy?! You sat through that
first part and you STILL want to hear more?! Fine, fine. Sheesh. I'm really
beginning to think I should just go medievil on you, but I'm trying to
make a good impression on Nintendo. Plus, I'm still not on good terms with
the police. So, I guess I'll let you stay until the story is finished,
or preferably, until you finally get it through your little mind that this
story stinks. Alright, now where was I? Oh yeah...
Chapter 2: Deep Sea Divin' and Dog Demon Fightin'
Kent C. Koopa, Crook 1, and Crook B come out of the well in the cellar. They walk out of the cellar and immediately leave it.
Kent C: Alright, now, we should probably stay close to this cellar for when Croco returns.
Crook 1: That could take days. Let's instead explore the ocean between China and Japan, and if we fail to find anything then we'll come back and wait for the boss.
Kent C: Good idea.
Crook B: Actually, it'd probably be a better idea to leave a letter pinned to the well telling the boss we'll be searching Ireland.
Kent C: Great idea! Glad I thought of it!
The three write the letter and pin it to the wood lining the well, then they go on toward Ireland. Meanwhile, Yaridovich and the Axems are all underwater, separated and searching for Atlantis. Yaridovich suddenly has a thought.
Yaridovich: Wouldn't it be ironic if someone else happened to be searching in the past for the same thing about 5 or 6 hundred years ago?
And speak of the devil...
Croco: This is REALLY going to halter our search!
Crook III: Having to deal with avoiding a dog demon?
Croco: No, being dead as soon as he realizes... Wait a minute. We aren't demons, and we're not actually after the jewels, so what could he do?
Crook III: My dad was a demon...
Croco: Dang!
Crook III: And my mom was a monkey...
Croco: ...
Crook III: -demon.
Croco: Dang!
And back in the present, Axem Red is searching the Sea of Japan. He dives down deep into the black, nearly-life deprived water, and sees something glowing that looks like gold.
Axem Red: I found it!
The thing he'd seen suddenly rises and comes into view as some type of horribly mutated fish. It immediately lunges at him, and he jumps out of the way and grabs his ax. He shoots forward in the water and tries to sink the ax into the fish, which bats the ax away down into the bleak trenches below.
Axem Red: I think I'll have fish tonight!
Axem Red pulls put a lighter and a small flask filled with oil. He lights the lighter and pours out the oil into the water, then begins waving the lighter around.
BOOM!
Axem Red: I really hate that cliche. Better get going.
Axem Red dives down lower into the black and mysterious water. As he goes down, he turns on his headlights (literally, they are on his head) and keeps going down. He suddenly hears the sound of something larger than him swimming nearby. He backs up and bumps into something. He turns around, startled.
Axem Yellow: Looks like the boss isn't quite as fearless as he says!
Axem Red: Shut up, Yellow. So, any luck?
Axem Yellow: Nope. It is surprisingly pretty hard to find a kingdom of gold underwater.
Axem Red: Indeed. I wonder if any of the others are having any better luck.
Axem Yellow: I just passed Axem Silver, and he isn't doing too much better. He did find a pirate chest though...
Axem Red: I always did hate his luck. Let's keep going.
The two Axems swim further down. As they go down, the area grows continually darker until even their lights can no longer help them see too far ahead.
Axem Red: This is creepy.
Axem Yellow: Exactly.
The two continue to swim down. About 20 miles away, Axems Black and Blue are searching for a sign of the lost continent. Their luck is, well, not good.
Axem Black: How much of this planet is water anyway?
Axem Blue: About 75 percent, counting all streams and rivers and such.
Axem Black: How much with just oceans?
Axem Blue: About 70 percent.
Axem Black: I think we'd have better luck fighting Smithy than finding this... Smithy is relying on us to find that port- I mean, spork.
Back in the past with Croco...
Inuyasha: Alright demon, just come out!
Croco: Um... there's no one home?
The five rush into the shack. Croco tries to run out only to be pushed onto the ground. For those who are uninformed, Inuyasha is the star of a show on [adult swim] of the same name. He almost always travels with Miroku (a monk), Kagome (the girl who spotted the jewel shards), Sango (a demon-slayer with a huge boomarang), Kirara (some cat-thingy), and Shippo (a fox-demon boy thing).
Croco: Dang!
The half-demon jumps at Croco. The reptile jumps out of the house and pulls out a bomb, then throws it onto a rock, blowing it to pieces.
Croco: Now do you not tremble?!
Inuyasha: Wind Scar!
Croco: Dang!
Croco quickly procedes to run across the countryside for his life with Crook III by his side. Little does he know that Shippo snuck in Crook III's bag and is laying mushrooms for the others to follow. They eventually reach a beach, then Crook III drops the bag, causing Shippo to bounce out. They turn and see the mushrooms.
Croco: Dang!
Inuyasha and the others with him catch up. Crook III faints from fear.
Croco: Dang! I hate that running gag...
Back, or rather foward, with Kent C. Koopa, Crook 1, and Crook B, the three are searching Ireland's mountains thoroughly. Things aren't going well though. The three are currently resting in the mountainous area in a large cavern. A fire glows in the cave.
Kent C: This is hopeless. Atlantis is a lost cause.
Crook B: It might be below one of the mountains. If only we had some kind of explosive on us.
Crook 1 and Kent C: ...
Crook B: But- wait a minute! We have Bob-ombs!
Kent C: It won't do any good. It could still take years of searching, and since Atlantis isn't even guarranteed to be around here the whole search may be hopeless.
Crook 1: What if we could create an ultimate Bob-omb and drop it from the air? We could make the Bob-omb powerful enough to blow the whole place sky-high.
Kent C: A Bob-omb would be too risky. It'd be best to try an insanely powerful bomb that we could set off with the press of a button. We could try five all laid in formation to create an extremely powerful explosion.
Crook 1: This still leaves open the probem of searching the country for it. Plus, we may kill ourselves or someone else in the blasts.
Kent C: Wait a minute! Maybe we could try another approach. We'll simply develop a robot which we will use to drain all of the water from the ocean, then dump it back in when we find Atlantis!
Crook B: Unlikely. We don't have anything near that kind of technology, and we could never build a robot big enough.
Kent C: No, WE don't have the technology or the ability to do so, but I know just who we can get.
Now back with Croco (literally). Croco
stands facing the five heroes and cat-monster in front of him and Crook
III. Inuyasha leaps at him, and he and Crook III instantly turn and hit
the road running.
Chapter 3: Purple Reign
Kent C. Koopa, Crook 1, and Crook B stand on top of a tall mountain. Shooting stars are seen behind them and a door rests in front of them. Obviously, they are on Plit at this point. They knock on the door, and a TV screen flies out a window. It comes on with the image of a purple alien visible.
Kent C: Are you the one known as Tatanga?
Tatanga: No! I... I know nothing! Leave at once!
Crook 1: Why are you freaking out?
Tatanga: Look, I went into hiding after Mario beat me in Lunar Land. I was humiliated that a plumber could beat me at all, especially twice!
Kent C: All of us have been... oh wait, no, Mario needed help to beat us. But that is beside the point.
Tatanga: What do you want?
Kent C: Have you heard of The Spork of Atlantis?
Tatanga: Of course I have!
Kent C.: Yes, well, we have a plan to retrieve it, but we need your help to obtain it.
Tatanga: What is your plan? Robot? Couldn't get one with AI. Deep sea diving? Nearly died from air pressure. And since those are your only options-
Kent C: We have another. We will take all of the salt water from Earth into a machine and then search the newly opened ground. Then, we will merely dump it back into the sea!
Tatanga: Brilliant! I may need some physical labor done though to build it. Any of you three able to lift 600 pounds worth of machinery at a time?
Kent C. stuffs a jewel shard into each of he and the Crooks' left arms.
Kent C: We can now.
Tatanga: Excellent.
The door to the house opens and the screen flies in. The three walk inside and see Tatanga sitting in a chair.
Tatanga: So, let's discuss how we'll be doing things.
Kent C: This whole plot is being dictated by another.
Tatanga: Who?
Crook B: His name's Croco.
Croco meanwhile, or rather, several hundreds of years ago, is running from the heroic beings behind him. He had hurt his ankle while running and is struggling to keep up with Crook III. Eventually, he gets an idea.
Croco: That's it!
Croco pulls out the two jewel shards and stuffs one into each leg. He then grabs onto Crook III. Inuyasha and the others catch up.
Inuyasha: Now we have you!
Croco: Hasta la vista!
Croco begins running extremely quickly while holding onto Crook III. Suddenly, everything freezes and turns black and white except Croco, who walks up the 'screen' leaving Crook III who is, somehow, floating.
Croco: Now, we have many who think hasta la vista means "Goodbye". But the word is actually Spanish for "when I see you".
Writing appears above Croco's head in purple saying, "The More You Know."
Croco: Never a wrong time for some learning except during action scenes or Super Mario RPG playing!
Croco walks back up and grabs ahold of Crook III. Everything turns back to normal and Croco gets back to running. Croco continues running right off a pier but is going so fast that he runs on the water! He eventually hits land, finding a golden building that is glowing inside.
Croco: This may just be Atlantis!
Croco stops running and sets the startled Crook down.
Crook III: That... was... scary...
Croco: Nah, it is cool when you're the one running! Anyway, let us search this piece of land until we find something indicating we're wrong or not...
Crook III: I think I see some indication...
Croco turns and notices an electric sign with the current day in the present, or future, or whatever. Actually in this case, it is past. The area looks like the city the well is in.
Croco: WHAT?!
Crook III: You must have gone so fast that you passed time!
Croco: No, you think? Let's go back to the well.
Croco takes the jewels out and puts them up. He and Crook III run to the well. There, they see the note:
Croco,
We went on to Ireland to check for Atlantis. We'll be back in a little while.
-Kent C. Koopa
Croco: Alright, fine. I certainly hope everything is going the way I'd like things to go.
Suddenly, a metallic head pokes out of the ocean. Yaridovich walks out with his spear. Croco and Crook III spot him, and instantly launch an attack. Yaridovich shoves his spear at Crook III, shooting the Crook like a billiard ball into the air and into the well. Because he had no jewel shards, he hits the bottom in actuality, and is knocked out cold.
Croco: What? Are you looking for the Spork of Atlantis too to resurrect your stupid boss?
Yaridovich: Listen here, you sickening purple crocodile. I-
Croco: You dare insult me so horribly?! I am not purple for one thing, I am a pinkish color, and two, I am an alligator!
Yaridovich: Whatever. Smithy will soon be released upon the time I or one of the Axem Rangers captures the Spork. And secondly, Smithy is alive, unlike what you will be in a matter of moments.
Yaridovich puts his head on his spear and leaps at Croco, who jets out of the way and lights a Bob-omb. He throws it at the robot, who pierces it with his spear. The Bob-omb falls over, and Yaridovich begins to twirl his spear quickly. Electricity began pulsing from the spear and lightning from the spear hits the alligator, blasting him into a wall.
Croco: Since when can you do that?!
Yaridovich: Smithy gave me a bit of an update. Heheheh.
Croco: Touche, robot. Too bad that electricity won't stop me now.
Croco stuffs one jewel shard into each arm and jumps into the air, slamming his fist into the ground. The impact throws Yaridovich into the air. Yaridovich lands on his feet and charges. He slams into the alligator, knocking the jewel shards from his arms into the ocean. Croco runs for them, but Yaridovich trips him. Yaridovich grabs the two jewels and throws them out into the sea. He immediately jumps toward Croco, who ducks. The two jump back and glare.