Chapter 12: A Tale of Four Imps
Deep in the forest, a small imp woke up. He sniffed the air and detected the scent of recently unleashed evil. Narl shuddered in fear of what might happen, which he knew might well extend to the complete destruction of Plit. Narl began crying silently at the mere thought. "That can't happen! I wouldn't be able to play with people anymore! NO! I must prevent the end of Plit! For all the friends I have yet to meet! Hmm... I know! I'll go form an army of other imps to destroy the meanies!Yes, that's a great idea! How do I think of these things?"
~~~
James stared off to the side of the boat that was bringing them back to the Dark Lands. Ever since he had abandoned Popple on top of the tower, he had been thinking. Even Lars and Cliff agreed that maybe ignoring what could be the fate of their world was easily about the dumbest thing they could do. Which would be an amazing accomplishment, considering some of the other things they had done in their past.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He went down to the "luxurious" room that his band mates were busy ruining in their current drunken states. Before James could speak, a certain inebriated drummer asked, "Hey, James! Just out of curiosity, why do you carry that guitar around and buy picks when you don't even play it?"
James was stunned by the question. "I don't know... because I need a weapon?"
"Then why do you also buy picks for it? And why not buy an axe or something?"
"Um... Axes are too heavy?"
"And what about the picks?"
"Er... Because.I can? Oh, just shut up. Anyway... I've decided I'm going to help find the second artifact. We can just continue being musicians later."
He braced himself for the explosions of anger and flying beer bottles from his friends. They never came. Instead, Kirk just grinned and replied, "Whatever you say, man. We're still your band. We'll follow you wherever you go. Right, guys?"
Lars and Rob nodded, while Cliff grunted, "Whatever. Even though this isn't exactly our line of work."
Relieved that the rest of the band wasn't against him, James grinned at Cliff. "Who cares? It can't be that dangerous just finding a something-thousand-year-old artifact that has completely disappeared from most people's minds. It's not like any of us are going to die or anything like that."
"... You know that how?"
"Complete guesswork. Use it whenever you're unsure of something. It will always get you out of your problem... I guess that sounded good enough! ^_^!"
~~~
"Hey! You spirit! Yeah, you! Get over here!" Elias shouted at the first Star Spirit he saw. The yellow star complied and literally got right in Elias's face, and was promptly brushed aside. Jiyin grabbed it before it could fly away.
"You know the spirit Geno? Contact him and relay what I tell you."
~~~
Geno stared around at his snoozing comrades. They had been on top of the tower for two days and were beginning to starve, with the exception of Geno, who didn't even need to eat. Bored, he wandered around for seemingly the thousandth time. There was still nothing that could get them down from the accursed tower. Finally, he decided to sit down and wait for the morning to come. Maybe he could revert to star form and bring everyone down like that, although there were various dangers with doing that.
Out of nowhere, a voice sounded in his mind. "Geno? Is that you?"
Geno recognized the telepathy that all minor Star Spirits used to communicate with each other. He concentrated and sent a mental reply to the spirit. "Yes, spirit. I'm on top of a tower. Do you have any idea how I could get down?"
The reply was oddly slow. "Where is this 'tower'?"
"Somewhere in Teehee Valley."
Geno waited for several minutes. It wasn't normal for spirits to delay in responding to this form of communication. Finally, the spirit entered his thoughts once more. "Is there a bell tower there?"
"Yes."
Another few seconds. "On top of the bell tower is a switch, and there is another one near the edge. Both will remain locked once you press them. The one near the edge will temporarily create a stone stairway leading down to the bottom of the tower. The one on the bell tower will lower the tower, shut up Elias, no don't say that stupid spirit, anyways the tower will be lowered temporarily, darn it Elias, don't kill Red, no you weren't supposed to say that."
Geno was more than slightly wary of the spirit by that point. "Just a second."
He went over to each of his current allies and woke them up, despite Popple's quick tantrum. "Okay... A Star Spirit just contacted me told me how to get down. There is a switch above the bell tower that will lower the main tower temporarily."
Popple stared at him. "That's great... that's real great. Now... how in the world are we going to get up there?"
"Well, I could always fly up there in star form, but for amusement's sake..."
Geno nodded to Johnny, who grabbed the Beanbean thief with his fins... somehow. Popple felt himself rise into the air. "Aw, boo! I say to you, booYAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOF!"
He flew through the air and landed hard atop the bell tower, right on the switch. Immediately, the tower began to drill itself into the earth until its current occupants were level with the plateau that the tower was situated upon. They quickly clambered off and ran across the mesa. Popple decided not to watch where he was going, which resulted in him running right off the cliff and splatting down on another plateau twenty feet below. The rest just easily climbed down the precipice. They all headed to the nearest edge of that plateau and began climbing down. Unfortunately, the tower decided to rise back up at that point, unleashing a massive tremor that shook them off of the rock face and to the desert sand more than fifty feet below. Geno was the first to recover and decided to contact the helpful spirit. "Thanks for the help."
As always, the reply was a bit slow to reach him. "Of course. I'll assume that you are searching for something."
Geno was surprised by the spirit's assumption. "... Yes the second artifact required to revive the Smithy Gang. I need to protect it."
Seconds later. "Good. I know exactly how to find it. Far south of the town that the Plitians call Rogueport is a small island with a shrine to an ancient hero. Below the pedestal with the hero's battle armor, which can be pushed out of the way, is a ladder that leads to the underground Shrine of the Horsemen, dedicated to the beasts that nearly destroyed Plit but were defeated miraculously by the hero. At the end of its four passages is a switch. Hit all four switches and the hero's tomb will open to reveal the artifact. You must act fast if wish to obtain it, however. There is a certain individual who is preparing to go steal it so he can revive the Gang. Please hurry."
Geno was incredibly suspicious of the spirit by this point. "That all sounds a bit... odd."
"Do not worry. What would I gain by lying to you?"
"It still doesn't seem right... but it's the only thing I have to go on. Farewell, Spirit."
~~~
Jiyin grinned. Geno was falling for his trick. Brilliant. Unlike a certain follower who had just tried to kill Axem Red for no reason.
"Master? Why are you sending Geno off to do that? There is no point."
Jiyin rolled his eyes. "See these weapons? With them, we are unable to go to Plit, due to ancient barriers."
"What barriers?"
"Several thousand years ago, there was a hero named Cronos. He was the most powerful warrior to ever exist on Plit, probably more powerful than me. He battled Sin several times, each time overpowering him. Eventually, Sin was forced to do the only thing he could to defeat the mighty warrior.
"He went off first to the future Wraith home world, before the Wraiths even existed, and retrieved the Diablos Bow. He took both Thanatos and Zantetsuken from the Star Road afterwards. Lastly, Sin uncovered the even-then-ancient Luna Hammer. With all four weapons, he summoned a mighty beast for each of them. They became known as the Four Horsemen since they resembled at a distance a man riding a horse, and threatened Plit with apocalypse.
"Through several ferocious battles over the span of fifteen years, Cronos managed to slay all four. After the last one was dead, the hero vanished entirely. He left behind his armor, weapons, and a note in ancient Plitian scratched into the ground. Translated, the note read, 'When another force threatens Plit, I shall return to raise a new hero.' I doubt that the message is true, however.
"After the now-nearly-forgotten period known as the Horsemen War, a shrine was erected to honor Cronos. It displayed his armor and sword, along with an empty tomb with a poem carved into it in ancient Plitian. Underneath the armor, another shrine was built, one to the Horsemen. It wasn't honoring them, however. It created an invisible barrier around Plit that would prevent the weapons of the Horsemen from ever returning to the planet. It was the only thing the survivors of the onslaught could do, as none of these weapons could be destroyed.
"When Geno presses all four switches, the barriers will be broken, allowing us to come down to Plit and finally destroy it."
Elias stared at him in the wake of another useless history of Plit lesson. "You are sure about all this, Master?"
"Not entirely."
"Is there anything that you are sure about?"
"Us not being able to go down to Plit with the weapons."
"... ^%%&."
~~~
A small, overly afraid imp flew through the winding branches of the Chucklehuck Woods, seeking out a colony of imps that was known to reside there. At least it was known to imps, anyways. The colony was famous (among imps) as a perfect haven, a shelter for imps in need or in danger. It was hidden deep within the darkest part of the forest, the only place where Mipa trees grow. The trees provided woodland imps most everything they needed, and grew so deep in the forest that no land creature could find it. It was protected by the magic of the imp elder Thorien, enabling the trees to repel almost any sort of magic attack.
Narl was visibly shaking in his swift flight as he approached the colony. He was an outcast from another colony, kicked out for deeds he had performed there. There were bound to be members of that colony there, probably even victims of his heinous "pranks", as he loved to call them. He continued his rapid flight through the vegetation, growing more and more terrified as he approached his destination. He veered left to dodge a tree, only to be knocked to the ground by a swinging vine. Startled, but not injured, Narl stood up and tried to continue flying when two larger, more muscle-bound imps lifted him up and held him at arm's length. Despite their size, they had the same squeaky-high voice that all imps had. "Identify yourself, intruder!"
Narl looked back and forth between his captors and squeaked, "I am Narl, outcast of the Northy-Westy-Outer Boggly Woods Colony! I have a proposition to make with the great Thorien! I mean no harm! YEOW!"
One of the guards had hit him! But why?, the poor imp thought. The guard unknowingly addressed his concerns. "I remember you! I too am from the Northy-Westy-Outer Boggly Woods Colony! Remember Faciae? What you did to her? I can never forgive you! I will bring you before the great Thorien and request that he behead you in the Deathy Chopping Machine!"
"No Loretio! Do not have Narl brutally killed! Faciae didn't die from that tree!"
"Three days after you left yes!"
"But I didn't know back then! Pl-"
The other guard stepped in. "Quiet, idiots! Do not worry, Narl, outcast of the Northy-Westy-Outer Boggly Woods Colony! Despite your past deeds I will lead you to the great Thorien! In case you are interested, my name is Chickay!"
Loretio turned towards the other imp. "You do not understand how dangerous Narl's stupidity is! He is so reckless and stupid that he will certainly accidentally kill the great Thorien!"
"Then we restrain him! He can't do anything if he can't move his arms and legs, right?"
"He is a master of illusory magic! And he doesn't realize the dangers of certain things! Such as a pine tree falling down!"
"The great Thorien's barrier will prevent him from using magic!"
"But what about now? He can pull something on us if he wanted to!"
"We're inside the barrier! He can't do anything!"
"Fine! Come with us, filth!"
Narl let the humongous giants (a full two feet tall) Loretio and Chickay grab him and fly him over to a grove of Mipa trees. His eyes widened in wonder at the sight of the colony. It was brighter than any of the Mushroom cities he had seen, illuminated by the odd sap of the trees, floating mystic powders, and the luminescent wings of thousands of imps flying around the giant grove. Imps in the treetops, in the trees, in the air, in stumps, everywhere.
He only got about five seconds to take it all in before it was out of sight, thanks to the other two imps' incredible speed. Far ahead, another set of Mipa trees were growing, this one much smaller than the one they had just passed through. As it got closer, our impish semi-hero saw a glint of gold. It was the throne of Thorien, revered by the imps as a near god, simply for setting up the wonderful imp haven known to the pranksters as the Deady-Centery Chucklehuck Haven.
Thorien himself exuded a powerful presence, with his Mipa amber crown and throne of pure gold. Attendants fluttered around, bringing him anything he desired. They even fluttered below, holding up the basketball-sized throne. It was obvious that they considered him almost a deity. Yet no one would be able to tell him apart from other imps just by his voice. "Who is this, Chickay?"
The large imp guardian trembled as he replied, "He is Narl of the Northy-Westy-Outer Boggly Woods Colony! He requested an audience with the great Thorien!"
"Very well! Loretio! Chickay! Release him!"
Once they had complied, he continued, "So, Narl, what did you wish to speak about?"
"Well, Great Thorien, I have detected the scent of evil descending upon Plit!"
Thorien solemnly nodded. Once he had finished his twenty nods in two seconds, he spoke again. "So have I! So have most everyone in the colony! We just don't have any clue how bad it is so we're ignoring it!"
"It is bad enough to result in the end of the entire planet, Great Thorien!"
"WHAT?! No, that can't happen! Think of all the playmates our grandchildren won't be able to meet! They will live horrible lives if deprived of the planet and its inhabitants! But if it must happen then let it be!"
"What if we create an army to attack this threat? Then the world will not have to end!"
"The evil has taken a physical form? He! Hehe! We are in luck! It seems as if the evil was stupid enough to take a physical form that we can destroy! Thank you for giving me the idea! You are dismissed and free to live here until the army is created!"
Loretio, furious that Narl had gained Thorien's favor, snarled, "Great Thorien! This Narl is responsible for the death of Faciae! I request that you send him to the Deathy Chopping Machine!"
Thorien looked angrily at the larger imp. "Execute him?"After what he just told us! Are you stupid? Shut up and return to your post!"
"You believe him?! What proof does he offer? What if it's a trap to kill you?"
"I do not believe it is a trap, so therefore I believe Narl! If you continue to argue I will have you sent to the Freezy Dungeon of Misbehavior! Now silence!"
In a flash, Loretio dived at Thorien, clawed fingers reaching for his skinny neck. In another flash, Chickay grabbed Loretio's arms and held him in place. The murderous imp beat his powerful wings ever faster, attempting to shake Chickay off. That effort was halted by Narl grabbing his wings, leaving only his pitifully weak legs to try and free himself. Thorien recovered from the shock of the impromptu assault and squeaked, "Attendants! Take Loretio to the Deathy Chopping Machine to be executed!"
As soon as a thrashing Loretio was flown
away, Thorien turned to the other two imps. "Thank you for stopping that
brute! I hereby promote both of you to generals of the imp army! But first...
What exactly does an army do?"
Chapter 13: Theft And Rivalries
"Yar, attention all ye mates!" Johnny's voice boomed from the helm.
A Bandanna Blue shrunk back and replied, "That don't sound right."
"Arr, shuddap! We are docking here in Seaside Town to refuel and restock. Unless ye dogs wish to die of scurvy or something, I suggest ye buy or steal the items on Pa-Patch's list. Also... although this is more than a bit of an embarrassment... despite my skills as a helmsman, I am afraid I won't be able to steer the Poseidon to her destination. Geno, please explain."
"Aye. Sure. The island with the shrine is nearby the infamous Keelhaul Key, known for the treacherous waters around it. Oh yeah, and the curse of the ghost of the pirate king Cortez. Anyway, the waters around our island are even worse than Keelhaul's. So while you're enjoying your time at seaside, look for anyone who might be a good helmsman. And use that time to relax. We are docking in twenty minutes, by the way."
~~~
James Koopa grinned as his band's small boat docked in Seaside Harbor. The voyage had gone well, apart from Rob managing to get horribly seasick. He and Lars had talked a lot as they started getting close to the town, and had come up with a foolproof (in their minds, at least) plan: sit around Seaside and wait for someone who could help them. If no one came, they would make up a plan B. Simple enough, especially for Lars.
Thirty seconds after docking, the front man grinned and muttered, "Okay, someone should be along any minute now."
~~~
Popple grinned as he slinked around the shelves of food, grabbing things at random and putting them in his bag. He crept down the aisle, looking for food from the list, random objects that interested him, and anyone else besides Rookie. After taking all objects of interest, he wheeled around and headed up the next and began taking more stuff. A look back, a look forward, grab an orange, stuff it in the bag.
"Um... Why did you put that orange in your bag? Unless... you're stealing it?"
Popple jumped in fright at the feminine voice and turned quickly. A purple girl was standing there. Her body seemed to rise out of the shadows on the ground, her hands were gloved, her hair was long, pinkish, and capped with an almost witch-type hat, and she was staring at him with a confused expression. Popple looked into his bag and pulled out the orange, a sheepish smile on his face. "Sorry, I wasn't think- Oh CRUD!"
As he reached over to put the orange back, his bag tilted too far over and spilled several other oranges, along with a decorative ruby-studded gold dagger. He looked down at the fallen items before turning back to the shadowy girl. "Uh... SEEYA!"
The "master shadow thief" dashed by the appalled girl and headed for the exit, only to hear her voice moments later. "HEY! Get back here! Please?"
~~~
Rookie watched as Popple darted out of the store, followed closely by what he perceived as a pink-and-purple blur, nearly as fast as his boss. Shrugging, he went back to stuffing his sack, failing to realize that an aging Bob-omb with a fine white mustache and an admiral's cap was coming around from the other aisle. He saw the Bob-omb five seconds too late. "Hey, you scum! Put all of that back!"
Rookie was actually about to before he remembered that Popple had (perhaps stupidly) told him to simply to run if he was caught. "Uh-uh, no! Bye!"
With the aging bomb in hot pursuit, Rookie ran out of the shop and started going towards the ship. Mr. Explosive had other plans, however. "Grr... Lousy thief. Have a taste of..."
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
"YOWWWwwwugh."
~~~
Popple hurriedly ran over to the ship, with the purple one managing to keep up with him... somehow. Grinning, he began mentally preparing himself for the leap onboard that his pursuer couldn't possibly make if her life depended on it... hopefully. Grinning, he looked back to taunt her, but she wasn't there. Now certain she had given up, he returned his gaze forward (he might trip on something, you know) only to find an unpleasant surprise. She had somehow teleported in front of him, and now had one fist back and fire-red. His eyes went wide. "DARN IT!"
POW!
The ground rapidly rose up to meet his head, which had been set on fire... and then all was black for him. After one blow.
The girl just stared down at his unconscious body and said, "Um... Was that really the right thing to do?"
~~~
As soon as all four people in the store had left, a Koopa with long dirty blonde hair and a gold shell rose up from the very back. "Heh. Idiots. Leaving all of the money unguarded."
~~~
Geno sat on the bow of the Poseidon with Mallow, waiting for the other crewmembers to return. He was prepared to wait for them to finish their short siesta, even if it meant sitting there all afternoon doing nothing. They had earned it by working endlessly on getting them here, so he figured they should be able to spend as long as they wanted in the town.
Mallow, however, didn't have the patience to wait that long. After only thirty minutes of waiting, he had grown bored of watching the ship. He turned to Geno and said, "Hey Geno, what do you think of this whole 'shrines of the four horsemen' thing?"
Geno looked down at the ground and shook his head solemnly. "I don't know. Star Spirits are said to never lie, except for those from the abyss. Just based on that, I am believing him."
"But what if he is a spirit from the abyss? If he is then nothing good could come from this quest."
"No, he wasn't one of those. They lack the ability to communicate with me. However, all spirits will obey any command from any non-spiritual creature. It is possible that Elias survived, made his way to the Star Road, and had a spirit convey that message to me. The delays in the communications seem to suggest that, as did the spirit's random shouts... and his mentioning of the name 'Elias'."
"Then how about we don't do this? It could be a trick, you know. What if this actually releases another set of horsemen on Plit? What would we do then?"
"Then we would fight them. I am the guardian spirit of this world, you know. But... I don't know how Elias could have got up there. It is impossible to reach without a very fast form of travel, and the gateway to it is well hidden. The star portals that were scattered around Dinosaur Land only granted access to a lower part of the Star Road, and the one there only leads to a part high above the abyss. So... I'm not sure about anything concerning the shrine."
"Yeah, but... Hey! Isn't that Popple and Rookie over there with that Bob-omb and... uh... girl?"
Geno looked over in the direction that his fluffy friend indicated. Indeed, both thieves were KO'd and their probable attackers were talking to each other. He stood up and called out, "Johnny! Come quick!"
To which the pirate growled, "Yar, what is it?"
"I think our thieves got caught stealing."
"Arr... Be right there."
Quickly enough, the shark stormed out of the cabin, deadly trident in hand. He spotted his shipmates quickly and walked forward menacingly, shouting, "Yar, what ye be doing to me maties? Huh... Admiral Bobbery?"
The Bob-omb looked over towards the angry voice and dropped his jaw in surprise. "Captain Johnny Jones? Where have you been, ol' chap? When that storm blew in all those years ago, a thought you had met a watery grave."
"I'm a shark, remember? Arr... But how did ye survive that tempest?"
"Ol' friend, there are usually wonderful things on ships called lifeboats. Me and several other crewmembers, we got on one and somehow rowed our way to safety. Unfortunately, my wife... Oh, never mind."
"How is Scarlette anyway?"
"She... She died while I was on the following voyage. I'll tell you more about it later, ol' chap. Don't worry about it for now."
Johnny mimicked Bobbery in looking down. "Arr, I'm sorry, matie. But anyways, who is this landlubber?"
The "landlubber" frowned at the comment, but Bobbery replied, "This is Vivian, a friend from one of my more recent travels. I decided to take a break from the sea and set up a temporary shop here, and she's been helping me with it. She came down here from the distant Twilight Town because there really wasn't much going on there."
"Yar, sorry about the landlubber remark, Miss Vivian. Please forgive me."
Vivian nodded. "Mmm hmm. But can you please drop the 'Miss'?"
"Certainly. But now back to why I came out here in the first place. Did these dogs try to steal from ye?"
Bobbery nodded. "Yes, they did, ol' chap. Were they members of your crew?"
"Indeed they were. I'll pay ye full price for the goods they tried to steal."
"Actually... Would you mind taking me along? It's actually been years since I traveled on that fateful voyage with that idiot Flavio and the heroic Mario-"
"Wait! You know Mario?" Johnny broke in.
"Why, yes. Saved my sea life, he did. We went off on a voyage to Keelhaul Key because a certain moron wanted Cortez's legendary treasure. Boy, did that turn into a disaster. Right, Vivian?"
His companion shuddered at that horrid memory. "Yes it was. We only got back because Cortez was kind enough to take us back to Rogueport."
Johnny simply stared at both of them. "You two have been to Keelhaul Key?! And you lived?!"
The admiral chuckled. "Yes, we did. But how 'bout ye, ol' chap? How do ye know Mario?"
"Some star fell into a sunken ship I used to occupy and we battled for it. He won. Later, I helped him secure it from this one dog called Yaridovich. But as for yer offer... We are going to an isle with horrid waters around. Ye could help us, methinks. So, if you wish... Ooh, and she can go too."
The salty old bomb grinned and said, "Marvelous, ol' chap. We'll carry these two scoundrels-"
"No you won't! Leggo of me now!" the bean thief shouted as he wrestled his way out of Vivian's loose grip on his leg. After tasting the dirt again, he jumped up and froze when he realized that Johnny was standing there. "Uhhh... Hey, Cap! Whatcha doin'?"
"Saving yer sorry butt. Take your cohort get back on the ship." The shark captain glared down at the thief.
"Okay, I'm going. Wait a sec... YOU!"
The five Koopas who had simply been walking by froze at the sound of their former boss' voice. The thief decided to continue yelling, seeing as he had caught their attention. "Yeah, you guys, Koopalica! You are going to have some talking to do, yes?!"
The one in the middle, who lacked a shell and had long brown hair, muttered just loudly enough for Popple to hear, "Shh, guys. Don't move. Stupid animals eventually go away if you stay still long enough."
Ignoring the considerable effect it had on the three others nearby, Popple shouted back, "WHAT WAS THAT? You dare talk to me like that, you traitors?!"
They remained perfectly still and silent, until the last one in line, a tall redhead with giant spikes poking out of his shell, whispered, "Cricket... cricket..."
Popple was now positively shaking in anger. "Don't you think that abandoning me... no, us on the tower was enough?! Do you really have to try to TICK ME OFF?!"
James finally broke the silence. "What, do you think that falling twenty feet onto spiky rocks is comfortable?"
"Yeah... No, wait, no! But then again you have shells! They reduce pain, see?"
"No, they just add weight! And anyway, Lars never wears his shell!"
The short drummer grinned. "I was wearing it then."
"Shut up."
"Ha. I'm right. You're wrong. Victory to Lars U. Koopa."
Popple shook as he shouted, "Shut up! Both of you! You're coming with us, YES?!"
Before anyone else could respond, the taller, less hunched black-haired Koopa said, "Sounds good. As long as we don't have to work."
"Fine! Whatever! Get onboard then! Let's go, Rookie."
Johnny just shrugged. "That was interesting. Oh well, let's go."
As they all started heading back to the ship, Popple literally dragging Rookie behind him, Vivian jovially glided up next to Johnny. "Hey, how is Mario these days?"
Johnny quickly thought up a suitable response. "How's about after ol' Bobbery tells me about poor Scarlette, I tell ye about Mario?"
Bobbery quickly replied, "What?! Has something happened to Mario?"
"I'll explain later."
While they were talking, the band had already gotten onboard and was simply watching the town as if it were a game of football or something. They were completely silent until James noticed a Koopa with a bright yellow shell and hair not so unlike his own dragging two large bags of what appeared to be coins. Grinning, he shouted, "Ahoy, Dave! Fancy meeting you here, old... friend!"
As everyone else on the ship came up to see what the metaller was hollering about, the Koopa on the street looked up and completely dropped his bags. He stared up at the happily waving maniac on the ship, while he subconsciously balled his clawed hands into fists. Pure venom started to appear in his eyes at the vision of his demon of the past several years acted as though they were friends. Finally he spoke, a drunken, grainy, almost whiney voice oozing with hatred. "James. How's it like, living wealthy in the spotlight with all of your rich bandmates, watching as less popular, yet better and heavier, metal acts like, oh, say, Megadeth, struggle to compete with you? Or have you forgotten that you, Lars, and Rob conspired to remove me from what could have been the biggest thing in my entire life? How you rudely woke me up that one morning and told me I had an hour to get on that bus?! How you ruined my life with your selfishness?!"
"Hey, chill, man. What are you talking about, 'ruined your life'? Tell me how Megadeth ranks among other metal acts?"
"We're... pretty high up."
"That's good, isn't it? At least you aren't totally ignored."
"Shut up. I see what you're trying to do. Get me to contradict myself. Just to make me look like a complete fool."
"Not really."
"Yeah, sure. Keep telling yourself that. And never forget: Megadeth will always be-"
"Yeah, I remember: 'Three times faster, three times better, and three times more complex', although when you state it, you say 'complexer'. Anyway, are you going to join this crew?"
"I'm already part of this crew, along with the rest of my band. I took this money from that Bob-omb's... store. Ah shoot, he's onboard."
Bobbery looked down at the angry Koopa. "Actually, I'd like to thank you for that. I completely forgot about it."
"Whatever. And James? Tonight... we find out who's the better band. One grand jam out. Ya with me?"
James grinned evilly. "Sounds good."
~~~
By seven thirty that night, the Poseidon
set sail for the shrine, with Bobbery in at the helm. The two kings of
thrash metal were about to square off.
Chapter 14: Battle of the Bands
All was calm on the Poseidon as it headed toward its far-off destination. Popple and Rookie were down in their cabin, probably playing cards or something. It was also certain that one of them would end the night with almost no money left. Luigi and Johnny were in the small kitchen, seeing who could eat the most in thirty minutes. Bobbery and Mallow were up at the bow, the former making sure the ship was on course and the latter trying to strike up a conversation. Finally, the rest of the crew, including Geno and Vivian, were sitting near two other cabins, completely bored.
The calm was not to last.
The battle between the two bands was about to begin.
~~~
James smirked as he set up Kirk's amp. Dave had been a minor thorn in his side for years, always boasting about how Megadeth was so far superior to Koopalica. It was time for the arrogant one to eat his words. Not for the first time, of course.
~~~
Dave gritted his teeth as he set up a drum set. The time for his victory over his biggest rivals was on hand. They may be the more popular band, but he knew that was only because of their less heavy approach, as opposed to his. He would finally show them who the better band was. He would finally be at peace with his past... and theirs.
~~~
"Why are we here again?" a bored Vivian asked no one in particular, only to receive a few grumbles about it for a few seconds.
Finally Geno replied, "Dave insisted that we had to stay out here to judge who the better band was. After they finished jamming."
"But... why us?"
"He said that he wanted everyone down here to make the decision, refusing to acknowledge the fact that none of us really like metal too much."
While most of the crew made it known that they knew nothing of the coming songs, one asked, "If they're both playing at the same time, how are we supposed to tell them apart?"
"Simple. We won't pay any attention and then say that Koopalica was better."
"... That works."
~~~
"Your Majesty, here are our scouts' reports concerning the moon." Kamek ran up to the throne to deliver a folder full of papers to a startled Ludwig von Koopa. The tyrant snatched them and glared down at the Magikoopa. "Ever heard of knocking?"
"Sorry, Lud- Er, my apologies, Your Majesty."
"Thank you. You may go."
As Kamek left, Ludwig began looking through the papers... and barely resisted the urge to search out and fry his Lakitu scouts. What was the purpose of a poetic introduction for such important information? Why did Koopas and their cousins have to be so stupid at crucial times? Why was it again that Bowser's conquest plots always failed? These thoughts filled his mind as he threw the first paper off into the nearby fire. He began reading the first page of the actual report. "Having monitored the moon for zhirty-six hours straight, ve have come to the conclusion that-"
"Your Majesty! I, the great, glorious, better-than-all-else, superb Morton Koopa, Jr, the conquistador of the Donut Plains-
"DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO KNOCK AROUND HERE ANYMORE?"
Ludwig glared at his gray-shelled brother, who simply squeaked, "Sorry!"
"Thank you. Now did you vant something?"
"Indeed, yes-"
Ludwig saw that Morton was about to give one of his huge speeches. "Keep it quick!"
"Yes, Your Majesty, Highness, Greatness, Awesomeness... Okay, I'll stop! Anyway, Lakitu number 1-001 has requested a meeting to discuss our next course of action. He wants to have it tomorrow at five in the evening."
"Fine. Tell him zat I accept. You are dismissed. Get out of here."
"Okay, sounds good, see you later!"
Once the annoyingly talkative Koopaling was gone, Ludwig resumed reading the Lakitus' report. For a full ten minutes, he read it, his eyes continually widening as he progressed. Afterward, he threw the poetic conclusion into the fire to burn alongside its companion and began thinking about what he'd just read. "Dear DAD."
"Hey Ludwig! Can I hide Iggy's tacos somewhere in here?"
Ludwig didn't reply to Wendy's request with words. Instead, she found herself in flames and pain.
"KNOCK, DARN IT!"
~~~
Luigi was smiling in content as he headed down to where the rest of the crew was. Thinking mostly about how good all of the food he had just consumed was, he plopped down in between Geno and Bobbery and belched softly. Turning to Geno, he asked, "So-a, are they-a about to-a start?"
The spirit nodded. "Yes... But we were actually planning on just talking until they are done and then say that Koopalica was better."
"Sounds-a good. Just-a don't-a let Dave find-a out about it-a."
"We won't."
Almost everyone sat in complete silence, except for Mallow, who was going around trying to talk to someone, until Geno muttered something, causing Mallow to fly back across the hall and apparently be pinned down. Another few minutes of silence followed, ending when Bobbery asked Geno, "Say, would Johnny be up on the deck?"
He nodded, "Should be."
A few seconds later, harsh drums and guitar were briefly heard coming before Dave's voice boomed, "Hello, me! Meet the real me and my misfit's way of life!"
After everyone had recovered from the startling suddenness of the song's beginning, everyone began talking softly while the angry Koopa ranted about paranoia, dementia, claustrophobia, anxiety, and other wonderful things, all the while putting it in the form of having two parts of him. About halfway through that optimistic song, Vivian and Bobbery, who had been off elsewhere at the beginning of the song, approached Geno and Luigi, who were talking to a certain pair of thieves. The bomb said, "Since you are Mario's brother, I'll assume you know about him."
Geno looked at him in confusion until he realized that the old sailor was addressing Luigi, not him. The green-clad plumber was looking down, as though trying to think of how to put his answer. Finally he looked up slightly and muttered, "He's-a... dead."
The other two simply stared at Luigi as James began singing to a powerful riff, "NO MERCY for what we're doing! No thought even to what we've done!"
Finally, Vivian spoke, "What... happened?"
Luigi took several more seconds. "Geno... you tell them... You know more about it than I do."
The doll said, "Several weeks ago, a race of explosive phantoms descended upon the planet, led by the malignant Elias. Their aim seemed to have been the destruction of Plit, judging by their actions. Bobbery, have you wondered why supplies have stopped coming in from Rose Town?"
The old Bob-omb replied, "I have been wondering."
"Rose Town was completely annihilated by Elias's minions."
The next moments should have been silent, but Megadeth stopped that. "Possibly I've seen too much! Hangar 18, I know too much!"
Ignoring the dueling bands, Geno continued his grim narrative. "These creatures wreaked havoc all over Plit, with Sarasaland being a major target. Mario was on a ship bound for the Princedoms, but was intercepted by Elias himself. He incinerated the entire ship and battled Mario. Mario barely survived the battle, while Elias launched two large groups of his minions to attack Castle Koopa and the Mushroom Kingdom. While he was flying on a strange form of airship, Mario found him and managed to destroy the controls of the ship, causing it to smash into some cliffs and sink to the bottom of the ocean. Elias managed to get off the ship before it crashed, and he fought and killed Mario."
Another silence ensued, broken by James's scream of, "Searchin'... SEEK AND DESTROY!!!"
Geno took a deep breath. "The group of creatures sent to Castle Koopa was destroyed by a collective army of Mushroomers, Nimbians, Moles, and the Koopa Army. However, the Mushroom Kingdom was unprotected, as they had all of their troops at Castle Koopa. Since Mario was gone, I was able to come down to help destroy the creatures. I confronted Elias at Land's End and blasted him off a cliff."
The admiral asked, "Is Elias dead?"
"I doubt it. My attack wasn't that strong, and he was knocked into water."
Vivian and Bobbery, their questions answered, sat in silence. Not that everything was truly silent, thanks to Dave. "Set the world AFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!"
~~~
Narl watched as a kicking, screaming Loretio had his head stuck in the hole of the Deathy Chopping machine, with Thorien and Chickay at either side. Several other imps flew towards the machine and grabbed all of his limbs, nearly completely immobilizing him. Thorien looked at Narl as solemnly as an imp could. "Narl! Chickay! Let Loretio utter his final words and then drop the blade!"
The two imps flew down to the struggling imp, who screeched, "YOU! I SWEAR, I WILL HUNT YOU TWO AND THORIEN DOWN AND KILL YOU IN THE AFTERLIFE! I WILL-"
His voice was drowned out by the multitude of imps screaming in anger. He looked around at them, screaming at the top of his insanely high voice, but couldn't get himself heard. Finally, Thorien spoke through a primitive megaphone, silencing the spectators and the object of spectation. "Loretio! You have spoken your final words! Narl! Chickay! End his pitiful life now!"
Determinedly, both imps brought the blade up to its top before letting it drop. Loretio cried out one last time before the blade sliced through his scrawny neck.
~~~
Luigi looked up as Dave leaped out of his cabin and began taunting. "Did you hear that precision? That skill? That... that... that awesomeness? How heavy it was? How creative the songs were? ... Well, is anyone going to answer?"
His bassist, Dave E. Koopa, answered, "No. Stop rambling."
"Shut up, Junior!"
The other Dave snickered and sat down to wait for their rivals. He didn't have to wait long, as James poked his head out and grinned, screaming like a three-year-old. "DID WE WIN DID WE WIN DID WE WIN?"
Geno nodded. "Yes James, you won. We unanimously decided that Koopalica was the better band."
Dave stopped his rant about how great he was and began shaking in anger. "Curse you, James!"
~~~
The next morning, a certain captain interrupted the crew's deep sleep. "Yar, there be the shrine dead ahead! Get your @$%^& up and ready, we'll be there in a few minutes."
Luigi yawned and sat up, fighting off the urge to go back to sleep. He looked over at the nearby clock. Five twenty-five. Groaning, he changed into his overalls and grabbed his bag of items. He sauntered over to the bow, where Johnny, Bobbery, Geno, Mallow, Vivian, and the two thieves were waiting for him. The shark pirate growled. "Yar, yer thirty seconds late. Are you ready?"
"S-s-sure."
They waited about another minute before the ship finally came to a stop at the edge of a miniscule island. On the island was a small square building, made of crumbling stone, with a pillar for each corner. A broken star that appeared to have once been bright yellow was on top. Uneasy, Johnny led the other seven into it. Inside, the air was musty and the entire small room stank. Three disintegrating pedestals rose from the aged floor. On one there was a very elaborate coffin covered with dust. On another lay a long, heavy sword that was succumbing to time: its handle was half-gone and the blade was rusted underneath the layers of dirt. The final pedestal held a suit of full-body armor that shined a bright sky blue, completely unaffected by time. Geno walked over to the armor. "The Horsemen shrine should be underneath this pedestal. Help me push it out of the way."
Johnny and Popple helped him move the plinth, revealing a hole with a wooden ladder. A hole that Popple managed to fall down immediately. The others simply stared down after him before descending the perfectly formed rungs. After descending deep underneath the shrine, they entered another room of exactly the same size as the one they had just left. It was perfectly preserved except for the Popple-shaped hole in the center, out of which Popple crawled out of after they were all off the ladders. "Hey! What took you so long?"
His henchman grinned slyly. "We're not clumsy, stupid, and/or suicidal like you."
The Beanbean simply glared at the Sackit while the others examined the room. Apart from a door on each side, there was nothing, which made it easy enough to figure out what to do. Geno walked to the middle of the room, nearly falling into Popple's hole. "Since there are four doors, I propose we split into four pairs. Anyone disagree?"
No one did. Geno looked at them and mentally formed pairings. "Okay then. Popple and Rookie, you go through the west door. Bobbery and Johnny, go south. Luigi and Vivian, east. Mallow, you're going to the north door with me."
After the group had paired up, Geno turned to them... to see that they had all gone through their respective doors. "Huh. Oh well. Forward towards the second artifact!"