Bowser's Apprentice

By Crazy Packers Fan

Panser’s First Test

At Castle Koopa…

Bowser: Panser! Panser!

Panser: What now?

Bowser: Where’s my breakfast?

Panser: Breakfast? When did I start making your meals for you?

Bowser: Since this morning, when the Castle Koopa kitchen staff went on strike! Now get going!

Panser: Arrrgh…

In Castle Koopa’s kitchen…

Panser: This is an absolute joke. I get hired for a big-time job, one million coins in salary, and I’m off doing menial tasks around the castle. I mean, did anyone watching Bowser’s Apprentice think one of my jobs would be changing the channel on Bowser’s plasma TV? I thought I’d be doing more important stuff than that. Oh well… What’s the recipe for Bowser’s favorite breakfast? Here’s one… Add 2 cups of Goomba Chow to one cup of Troopa stew… The only thing worse than this could be vegetables.

Panser notices a hole opening in the wall. Suddenly, a raccoon tail bursts through.

Panser: Who is it?

Mario: It’s-a me, Mario!

Panser: M-M-Mario? Oh no!

Mario: I’m-a going to save my brother!

Panser: Wait a minute… Mario, if you want, I can let both Luigi and Daisy out of jail, as long as you do something for me. That way, you don’t have to get hurt, I don’t have to get hurt, you know, all of that.

Mario: I-a don’t want Daisy out of jail. Peach-a wants her to stay there.

Panser: Fine then, just Luigi.

Mario: Okay… wait a minute! I-a can just beat you by hitting you with this-a vegetable!

Panser: No! Not that! Just hear my proposition!

Mario: What-a is it?

Panser: You go beat Bowser so badly that he is convinced that I have to go out and perform more meaningful tasks, like defeating you.

Mario: You-a can’t do that!

Panser: Then what have you got to worry about?

Mario: True… Okay, but you-a promise to let Luigi out, don’t you?

Panser: Hey, don’t get pushy… I’m letting you beat up Bowser for free.

Panser shows Mario the direction to Bowser’s throne room. As Mario heads off that way, Panser quickly scrambles to try to fix the hole in the wall.

Panser: Stupid raccoon tails are so strong now… I can’t fix this. But I can figure out a way to trap Mario…

Panser heads to the dungeon.

Panser: Freedom!

Daisy: What?

Panser: I’m setting you free!

Luigi: All-a righty then!

Panser: Not you, just Daisy!

Luigi: What?

Panser: We here in Bowser’s Castle like to have mercy on female prisoners.

Daisy: I love you, Panser!

Luigi: What about me?

Daisy: You didn’t get me out of this jail cell, but Panser did!

Panser opens the cell for Daisy to leave. Luigi tries to squeeze out, but is fireballed by Panser. Panser then locks the door so Luigi can’t get out. Panser and Daisy then walk out of the dungeon and up stairs to the rest of the castle.

Daisy: So what’s the real reason for this mercy? I know you’ve got some hidden reason, and it’s probably some sort of punishment from Bowser.

Panser: Actually, no, not really…

Meanwhile, Mario has found Bowser.

Mario: It’s-a me, Mario!

Bowser: WHAT?! Mario got in this castle?! Panser!

Mario: You’re-a going to lose this time!

Bowser: Lose what? You can’t kill me!

Mario: I-a can hurt you!

Bowser: So can I, and then we’re even. What’s the point?

Mario: Uh, the point-a is, uh-

Bowser: Now let’s just play nice and you go back home.

Mario: Wait a minute! You’re-a trying to fool me!

Bowser: (No kidding.) Look, Mario, I’d really hate to have to bring out my Koopalings and potentially kill you. I mean, where would be the fun in the Mario series then? We’d have to start making Luigi games. Super Luigi Thunderstorm. Luigi Golf: Loser Tour. Luigi Weak Tennis. Luigi Kart-

Mario: I beat your-a kids before! Why would they beat me now?

Bowser: If they’re all in the same room at the same time…

Mario: I don’t ever remember fighting them-a all at once. But-a aren’t they not even here?

Bowser: How do you know that- I mean, yes they are, I mean-

Mario: Let’s-a fight!

Panser walks into the room with Daisy.

Panser: Is this who you wanted, Mario?

Mario: (about to grab Bowser’s tail) NO! I-a wanted Luigi!

Panser: Oops… I’ll have to go get Luigi then. Come on, Daisy.

Mario: Why you-

Mario turns to chase Panser when Bowser breathes fire on him, stunning him for enough time for Panser to fireball Mario. Mario is too burnt to run, so Bowser is able to grab him and carry him to the dungeon, where he is placed in a separate cell from Luigi. Meanwhile, Daisy attempts to escape.

Panser: If you run away, you’ll be fireballed, and you don’t want that!

Daisy: Come on, you wouldn’t fireball a girl, would you?

Panser looks starry-eyed as Daisy shows off her hair and blows a kiss towards him. Then she runs towards a warp pipe, where she is able to escape.

Panser: Arrrgh! How did I let her escape? Bowser’s going to kill me now!

Bowser returns to where Panser is.

Bowser: You succeeded big time this time, Panser! You got Mario captured!

Panser: But Daisy got away…

Bowser: I’d normally be furious and about to tear you apart and pour vegetables on you, but to have Mario captured is enough to make up for that! Let’s celebrate!

Panser: All right!

Bowser: We need some food for this celebration… Panser! Make us a cake! And while you’re at it, finish making that breakfast you started!

Panser: (heading back to the kitchen) Why did I have to get Mario captured…?

The End

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