The Apprentice

By Martin

Episode 4

Lemmy: Welcome to The Apprentice, hosted by me, Lemmy Koopa. Today, each team will see which is better at selling an already propared product to the masses. What we'll do is each team will get an amount of chocolate bars based on how much the task manager for each team thinks the team can sell. Alright, the task manager for the 2D Terrors is Goombario. The task manager for the Vile Venturers is Roy.

Goombario: Can we get a large amount of chocolate even if we don't think we can sell much?

Lemmy: Yes you can, but you are going to have to pay me back and you only get one order so you'll want to make sure that the amount you get is enough to get the job done yet not so much as to keep you from making a profit. The team with the highest overall profit wins. So, the stacks are over there. There are 200 bars in each stack and Iggy and Ludwig will personally count how many each team has. This week Iggy will watch the 2D Terrors, and Ludwig will watch the Vile Venturers. Both teams have one hour after recieving their chocolate. Both teams may go ahead and get their chocolate now. After you get it, you can go ahead and go. The 2D Terrors have Toad Town while the Vile Venturers get Rose Town. The contest lasts four hours and starts as soon as both teams get their chocolate.

2D Terrors

Goombario: We should take 100.

Amanita: Why?

Goombario: Well, it seems doubtful that we could actually sell 200 in one hours.

Amanita: Not if we split up!

Goombario: We'd all need to sell 28 bars a piece, with four of us selling an extra.

Bandit: DId you really do the math that fast?

Goombario: Nah. I thought of it while we walked over here.

Iggy gives them the 100 bars, 14 to everyone and another to both Amanita and Bandit. The team runs off into the pipe to Toad Town.

Vile Venturers

Roy: Just give us 200!

Ludwig: B-but... the chocolate!!!

Roy: Just give it to us!

Ludwig sadly hands Roy all 200. The Vile Venturers run off into the Rose Town warp pipe.

2D Terrors

Goombario knocks on a door wth his foot. Russ T. answers.

Goombario: Hello, would you like to buy some chocolate?

Russ T: Chocolate has some healthy nutrients in it... but at the same time, it has a high amount of sugar... Hmm... I'll take two bars.

Goombario: Alright. That'll be four coins.

Russ T. pays and Goombario gives him the two bars. Goombario walks away.

Tanoomba: Too bad we still have 98 left to sell!

Goombario: Well, I guess we should try to sell to someone else.

Goombario goes up to another door and knocks. It's opened by Daisy!

Daisy: Oh no! I've been caught! What do you want me to do to keep you from telling Peach I'm here?!

Goombario: Buy some chocolate.

Daisy: Is that all? Give me ten.

Goombario: Okay, it'll be 20 coins.

Daisy pays and Goombario gives her the chocolate. Goombario walks away.

Goombario: This is going to take a while.

Syrup: You idiot! You should have told her that she had to buy them all for 20 coins each!

Goombario: That wouldn't be fair though!

Syrup: Which is more important- 1,000,000 coins and a spot as Lemmy's apprentice, or fairness?!

Goombario: Well, let's see you do better!

Lakitu: Um... guys... we're wasting time here. Plus, Syrup's right, Goombario.

Goombario: Okay, how's this then? Syrup and Lakitu can take 44 and sell them their way, while we sell ours our way.

Syrup: Fine!

Lakitu: Shouldn't I be asked fir-

Syrup grabs Lakitu and drags him off with her and 44 bars of chocolate.

Vile Venturers

Roy: Here's what we'll do! We're going to go door to door and make people buy our chocolate for 50 coins a bar!

Bowser: Violence it is!

Crook B: Hold on. Violence is likely to get the police on us. What I suggest is some kind of promotional stunt, like "for every ten chocolate bars a person buys for two coins, Roy will beat up one of his teammates," or something like that.

Roy: Hey, there's an idea! And I know just the one to use too!

2D Terrors

Syrup: So, let's go back to where Daisy was and make her buy them all for 20 coins each!

Lakitu: There's no question as to who will be fired this time if this works... though I have a funny feeling that it will screw up. Remember Murphy's law.

Syrup: You have a bad habit of bringing people down when they're on a roll, don't you?

Lakitu: That's what I was told when I was helping a guy with a game of Hearts once too...

Vile Venturers

Roy is seen beating Crook B while a HUGE crowd watches excitedly.

Crook B: I can't feel my legs! Or arms! Or head!

Roy: Hey, who cares if you're in pain? We've already sold 70 bars and people just love watching me beat you up!

Crook B: Ugh... Why not anyone else?!

Roy: Hey, you're weak, so it's more fun!

Roy continues beating on Crook B.

2D Terrors

Goombario: Excuse me, Princess Peach, will you buy some chocolate? Just two coins a bar!

Peach: I'll buy one bar, (to herself) then take the money out of the treasury to lose no money. (out loud) Here are two coins.

Goombario: So how many have we sold of the 44?

Donez: Three.

Goombario: Only 41 more to go!

Donez: By the way, I learned that my name doesn't appear in close ups when typed, so feel free to call me Dr. Donez from now on!

Goombario: All of us already figured that out.

Donez: You try coming from a bunch of comics into text and instantly be able to figure it out!

Goombario: Duh, all we had to do was read the Ask Dr. Donez thing. Plus, this isn't text, it's real life.

Donez: Well, then, um... I have no clue why my close up didn't- Executrain! That fiend turned off my close ups again! AHH!

The Tweeter pulls out his ice pick and runs away yelling Executrain over and over again.

Goombario: That makes twice in two weeks that he has run off on us.

Tanoomba: Well, doesn't matter. He has immunity this week anyway. Wait, so do I! Wait for me!

Tanoomba runs off.

Vile Venturers

Roy: Yes! We've already sold- wait, how much have we sold?

Mr. Blizzard: *sigh* 150 bars.

Roy: Excellent! We only have how many left?

Crook B: (who is now in a full body cast) 50.

Roy: Great!

A bell suddenly tolls. All of the bystanders rush out of the area, into the woods.

Roy: No! We only had 50 left! WHY'D THEY RUN OFF?!

Mr. Blizzard: Oh, I remember this from the time I came here as a spy. They have a worship cermony to the spirits at 5:49 every day.

Roy: 5:49?! That means we only have- wait, how many minutes?

Bowser: 11.

Roy: How we are going to sell 50 bars of chocolate in 11 minutes to an empty town?! I'm beginning to think that Lemmy's purposefully putting us in harder areas!

2D Terrors

Syrup: So Daisy only bought 43 and only paid two coins each for them. So what? We're still sure to win if Goombario did his job!

Lakitu: Look, I found two coins.

Syrup: So? Wait, toss that in with the other 86 coins!

She hands Lakitu the money and he puts it in his cloud. But he drops one coin, unbeknowst to both. All 13 contestants suddenly appear in Lemmy's Office.

Lemmy's Office

Donez: No! I was just about to get my close ups back!

Tanoomba: And I was just about to steal 30,000 coins from Lemmy... I mean, help Donez get his close ups back. Heh heh.

Lemmy: Welcome back. Ludwig, how many coins did the Vile Venturers earn all together?

Ludwig: 300. And they took 200 bars, so that means that they made 100 coins.

Lemmy: Iggy, how many did the 2D Terrors get?

Iggy: They got 100, and made 199 coi-

Syrup and Lakitu: 199?! We made 200!

Iggy: There are only 199 coins here. So they made a profit of 99 coins.

Syrup: Lakitu, you idiot! You dropped one of the coins! If you hadn't, we would have tied!

Lemmy: Let's watch the replay and see who dropped it.

The replay airs, and Lakitu clearly drops the coin.

Lemmy: Alright, Vile Venturers, each of you gets a copy of Mario Party 6. Plus, Roy has immunity next week.

The six come and get their copy of Mario Party 6 and leave.

Lemmy: Now each of you, who would you fire?

Goombario: Captain Syrup. My plan worked just fine, but Syrup messed it up by going on her own and giving Lakitu the coins.

Donez: Goombario. He's the one who didn't have enough sense to play unfairly by blackmailing Daisy into buying chocolate.

Tanoomba: Lakitu. He's the one who dropped the coin, and is the sole reason we lost!

Captain Syrup: Lakitu, for the same reasons as Tanoomba.

Lakitu: Captain Syrup. I'm the one who found the two coins anyway, and she's the one who gave me the money!

Bandit: I'd fire Donez or Tanoomba, but since both have immunity I'll go with Syrup, for the same reasons as Goombario.

Amanita: Definitely Lakitu, for dropping the stupid coin!

Lemmy: Goombario, who will you take with you to Lemmy's Life?

Goombario: Lakitu and-

Lemmy: Wait, from now on the task manager only chooses one person. A poll determines the other. This week's top percentage for the pole is... Dr. Donez!

Donez: Ha! I have immunity!

Lemmy: Oh yes, the poll cancels out immunity!

Donez: NO!!! First I lose my close ups, now my immunity?! What's next, my Ask Dr. Donez section?!

The others leave, while Goombario, Lakitu, and Donez go into Lemmy's Life with Lemmy, Ludwig, and Iggy.

Lemmy's Life

Lemmy: So, Goombario, why shouldn't you be fired?

Goombario: I got my plan to work out fine, unlike Syrup and Lakitu, who failed to sell one bar. Plus, they are the ones who dropped one coin anyway, causing us to lose!

Lemmy: Interesting points, but aren't you the sole reason they went on their own anyway?

Goombario: Look, I was task manager so they should have listened to me even though-

Lemmy: You messed up by not having Daisy buy them all.

Goombario: Righ- hey!

Lemmy: How about you, Donez? Why did you run off?

Donez: Goombario got the job done anyway, plus I had things to do involving getting my close ups back. Goombario managed to sell all of his, so I shouldn't be here!

Lemmy: Interesting point. Why do you think the viewers chose you to come here?

Donez: They all want to see me, an NC, go as I am not of their favorite website! Look, since they allow any 'official' characters here that have been on NC, why can't I be in a reality show here?

Lemmy: More interesting points. Lakitu?

Lakitu: I admit that I dropped the coin, but Syrup is the one who gave me the coins. Plus, Goombario is the one who tossed me in with Syrup anyway. Plus, I found the coins anyway! If I hadn't found them, we would have lost anyway.

Lemmy: Well, I have reached my decision. Lakitu...

Donez: ...

Lakitu: ...

Goombario: ...

Iggy: ...

Ludwig: ...

Lemmy: You stay in. Donez, you're not fired. Goombario, you are fired.

Goombario sits, stunned. The other two leave.

Goombario: Can I have the other 100 bars of chocolate?

Lemmy: Go ahead.

Goombario leaves.

Lemmy: Wait- darn. That's it, I'm going to have to have someone start keeping this from happening.

Read on!


 
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