The Apprentice

By Martin

Episode 7

Lemmy: Congratulations players- after next week's contest we'll be halfway through. This week Syrup has immunity as does Bandit. Today-

Bogmire: Wait, half? Next week's episode 8 and there'll only be 15! We'd already be over halfway done!

Lemmy: No, as this week I introduce to you the newest member of the Vile Venturers, who has been rehired due to a poll as to who should return to The Apprentice. I'm sure you've all met Kamek since, you know, he was just fired four shows ago.

Kamek: I rule!

Lemmy: Anyway, this week's task managers: for the 2D Terrors, they get Amanita as task manager. Kamek will lead the Vile Venturers. Today's contest is simple: each group is to promote this show. I don't care if you use billboards, give-aways, random shouting in the streets; doesn't matter. What I do care about is which team has their town buzzing the most by the end of ten hours. Each side gets 10,000 coins and may begin now. Your warp pipes shall take you to your appropriate town. Oh, before you leave, let me warn you now that there will be no teams for the rest of the series starting next week, and everyone shall work alone. Also, from today onward there will be no more polls to determine who should go, which will be a major plus for some and a hindrance for others. Therefore, Syrup and Bandit, your immunity can only be put to use this week, as next week it will mean nothing. Iggy will go with the 2D Terrors while Ludwig will be with the Vile Venturers.

Both teams step through their warp pipes.

Vile Venturers

Kamek: Glitzville, huh? City of fights, overpriced healing items, and phonebooths that call you. Well, let's get started. Okay, Bogmire, you and Wario can go try to get the owner of the Glitz Pit to advertise The Apprentice for the next ten hours. Anything from there gets huge media attention. Bowser, you and me can put up posters around town. As for you, Crook B, you've been working hard for the past few weeks, so I've seen, compared to most other people who've ended up slacking off. So, feel free to take a break at the Glitz Pit.

Crook B: Thank you very much.

Crook B turns and runs off, as do Bogmire and Wario. Kamek turns to Bowser.

Kamek: Our chances of looking good improved greatly there, Sire.

Bowser: Good.

2D Terrors

Amanita: Alrighty then. This should be easily done! All we've gotta do is win over Shiver City!

Captain Syrup: What do you propose we do then?

Amanita: It's simple. We're going to carve the name of the show and the time and channel it comes on into the ice!

Bandit: Wouldn't that endanger the lives of the skaters and only be visible from the sky?

Amanita: Stop your whining! We're carving it into the ice and that's final!

Donez: Well, with the recent trend of us winning week after week, it's not as though we have too much to lose this week anyway...

Vile Venturers

Crook B walks through Glitzville, window-shopping. Or in his case, window-stealing. But you know what I mean. Inside the Glitz Pit, Wario and Bogmire are talking to Jolene.

Wario: Come on! We just need an advertisement up for a few hours!

Jolene: No, and no amount of money will get me to change my mind. I hate that show anyway!

Bogmire: Isn't there ANYTHING we can do?

Jolene: Come to think of it, there is something... You, the muscle head.

Wario: You mean me, right?

Jolene: Yeah. Get ready, 'cause the only way I'll advertise it is if you have a match with Rawk Hawk. You look like you'd be quite a challenge for him, and would get people talking.

Wario: Wait a second... I have a better idea! Forget the posters, I know the PERFECT way to get people talking about the show!

Bogmire: What is it?

Wario: I ain't gonna tell you, shadow thingy. Jolene, I'll do it as long as I get to introduce myself instead of you.

Jolene: I don't know where you're going with this, but fine.

Wario: Good. I'll fight him in one hour. Sound good?

Jolene: Fine.

Meanwhile, Kamek and Bowser are hanging posters up around town advertising The Apprentice, all while plotting on how to make themselves look good and the rest of the team look bad.

2D Terrors

Syrup sits on the ice, shivering while she carves into the lake using Tanoomba, who has turned himself into an ice pick. Donez uses his own ice pick to help.

Amanita: Work faster slav- err, people!

Lakitu: Two things: one, isn't this an idiotic idea to begin with? And two, would it not make sense to have me and Bandit doing something as well?

Amanita: You wanna do something, huh? Go door to door and tell them about the show.

The two grumble and walk away.

Bandit: At least that makes much more sense than what he's having them do.

Vile Venturers

Jolene: To my right is the current Glitz Pit champion: give it up for Rawk Hawk!

Rawk Hawk: I'm gonna RAAAAAWK this chump!

Wario walks over and takes the microphone from Jolene as planned.

Wario: I'll introduce myself, thank you very much. To the left, weighing in at 248 pounds, representing The Apprentice, the show that tries to be about business but ultimately doesn't do very well, is Mr. Wicked! WWWWWIIIIICCCCCKKKKKEEEEEDDDDD!!!

Rawk Hawk: What a chumpaholic.

Jolene: (That was one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.) Um... All right then. Fight!

2D Terrors

Syrup, Donez, and Tanoomba stand at the side of the lake, looking at the writing... or rather, attempting to.

Syrup: You're such an idiot, Amanita! Now what are we supposed to do?! There are only 20 minutes left!

Donez: Yeah!

Tanoomba: (sniffling) Y- Y- AACHOO! Yeah.

Amanita: Look, we won the past two weeks, right? What makes you think that just getting Kamek could turn the Vile Venturers around so much, especially since he was one of the first ones fired?!

Vile Venturers

Kamek and Bowser put up their last poster, and then turn to see a huge wave of people carrying Wario out on their shoulders, Bogmire among them. Wario has Rawk Hawk's belt around his waist. They set the new champ down and then all but Bogmire walk away, chanting the word "Apprentice".

Wario: Well, good news and really good news. The good news is that I just got us a ton of publicity. The really good news is I'm also the new champ.

Kamek and Bowser just stare, having no clue what Wario could've done to do all that.

2D Terrors

Bandit: So... much... pain...

Lakitu: It's... your fault... for... being a... Bandit.

The two have been attacked at every house they've gone to since, you know, people usually think that they're about to be robbed when there's a Bandit at the door.

Lakitu: Remind me to kill Amanita...

Bandit: I doubt you'll forget to.

As the two walk onward, they are soon pulled into warp pipes that come out from underneath them, as per usual. Lemmy must really have a lot of time if he has warp pipes set up everywhere, huh?

Lemmy's Office

Lemmy: Welcome back. I'm sure both teams have done a ton of blatant self-advertising, so let's get to it. Iggy, how did the 2D Terrors advertise the show?

Iggy: Well, Amanita had his team carve an advertisement into the ice, much to the disdain of his group, and sent Bandit and Lakitu door-to-door advertising the show. All this caused was Tanoomba getting the flu, Bandit and Lakitu getting beaten up a lot, and Syrup to be really glad she still has immunity.

Lemmy: Um... okay. Ludwig, how did the Vile Venturers do?

Ludwig: Excellent. Wario and Bogmire did some work to get advertising done in the Glitz Pit and Wario even won the title in doing so, while Bowser and Kamek hung up posters around town. Crook B spent the day window-steali- err, shopping.

Lemmy: Why did you do this, Crook B?

Crook B: Well, Kamek told me I could take the day off because of my doing all the work for the team the past few weeks.

Lemmy: Understandable, I suppose. Not very wise for business, but I suppose you deserved the break. So, Amanita, pick what two people are coming with you to Lemmy's Life. Syrup and Bandit have immunity.

Amanita: Hmm... I guess I'll bring Lakitu and Tanoomba.

Lemmy's Life

Lemmy: All right, Amanita, what went wrong?

Amanita: I just, you know, go-

Lemmy: No, I DON'T know. Please elaborate.

Amanita: I made some stupid decisions and wouldn't listen to my team, I guess.

Lemmy: Why did you pick Lakitu and Tanoomba?

Amanita: Lakitu failed at his job of going door-to-door, which I think could've helped a lot, while I only brought Tanoomba because I couldn't bring Bandit and Donez is more of an asset.

Lemmy: I see. Lakitu, what went wrong with going door-to-door?

Lakitu: Simple; the fact that I was paired up with Bandit caused people to think I was going to rob them. I don't consider this Bandit's fault, but rather Amanita's for not sending me with, say, Syrup instead.

Lemmy: All right, I've made a decision: Amanita, you're fired.

Amanita: Eh, I just came on this show to kill some time anyway.

Lemmy: Well, that's our show. Join us next millennium or so for The Apprentice.

To Be Continued...

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