The Final Battle(s)
Mario and Luigi travel through an open door. In the next room, a lava pit resides in the center of the floor. They take a few steps until Fawful flies in!
Fawful: Eeyah ha ha!
Luigi: Great, it’s you.
Fawful: Yes it is! Feel my JAMMY wrath of MUSTARD doom!
Luigi: You’re crazy.
Fawful: I am. Now it is time for the sandwich of your doom to fall upon you! Fawful-bots, attack!
Seven Fawful-bots fly in on jetpacks and fire jam and mustard at the Bros.
Luigi: Ew! These attacks stink!
Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! I’m using EXPIRED foods!
Mario and Luigi throw their hammers, taking out two of them.
Luigi: Yes! Let’s go!
Mario: MY LINE!
Mario grabs Luigi and swings him, taking out three more bots.
Luigi: I hate you.
Fawful: Grr! Kamikaze strike!
The last two bots fly near them and explode. However the explosion is rather limited as they exploded in the lava pit.
Fawful: The naughty Bros. are bad yes!
Luigi: Ow. Surrender, we beat your bots.
Fawful: Oh no you didn’t! Super JAMMY Fawful-bot, arise!
A rumbling fills the air. The lava starts to bubble and shake.
Luigi: W-w-what’s g-g-going on?
Suddenly a huge Fawful-bot rises out of the lava!
Super Fawful-bot: EEYAH HA HA!!!
Luigi: Uh oh…
The beast opens its mouth and fires out… sandwiches!
Luigi: Jeez! Is that all you think about?!
Fawful: Yes!
The bread hits the Bros... and bounces off.
Fawful: I knew I should have used older sandwiches!
Luigi: Wait… How come it didn’t melt in the lava?
Super Fawful-bot: JAM!!!
It swings its huge arms around, attempting to flatten the Bros. Mario dodges, and grabs Luigi before he gets hit.
Luigi: Thanks!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Mario throws him into the lava pit.
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Luigi lands in the lava, but doesn’t die a horrible melty death!
Luigi: What the? This is cherry jam!
Fawful: Of course!
Luigi: Mario! So you knew this wouldn’t kill me!
Mario: Oh nooooooooooo!
Luigi: I hate you.
Super Fawful-bot: GOGLYT!
The eyes shoot out mustard.
Luigi: This is just pathetic.
Mario jumps up and smashes into the eyes. He then crawls into the hole.
Luigi: MARIO!
The bot jabs its hands inside its head, desperately trying to kill Mario. Suddenly Mario jumps out holding a bundle of wires!
Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! That is merely its logic circuits!
Super Fawful-bot: EEYAH HOGAHBFHVSRUHVCGHFV!
Fawful: What?
The bot then pulls off its head and throws it into a wall. The body then collapses.
Fawful: Huh. I guess THAT was illogical.
Luigi: And everything else wasn’t?!
Fawful: JAM!
Luigi: Right.
Fawful: I guess I must take you out myselfish!
Luigi: *sigh* I suppose so.
Fawful suddenly disappears in a blinding flash of light!
Luigi: What the?
Fawful: Eeyah ha ha!
When he comes back into view his headgear has transformed into an antenna-like object and instead of his dorky nerd clothes he is wearing a cape and other such cool things!
Luigi: Whoa!
Fawful: And now you shall face the wrath of the dome I have createdness!
Suddenly, rising from the cherry jam, a large dome appears!
Fawful: Now you shall feel my dome’s true powers! Uh…
Luigi: Problem?
Fawful: I didn’t make a way to get inside.
Luigi: You’re not very bright, are you?
Fawful: Am too! Headgear Blast!
Fawful shoots out electrical blasts at the Bros.
Luigi: Ack!
They barely dodge! Mario tries hitting Fawful with his hammer but he flies in the air.
Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Dome attack!
Dome: DOMEYNESS!
The dome fires out lasers at the Bros! Luigi gets hit!
Luigi: Ow! Well at least it’s something besides food!
Fawful: Grr! Dome fly!
Dome: DOMEYNESS!
The dome flies into the air and tries to squash the Bros. Mario jumps on top of it.
Mario: Whee!
Dome: UNIDENTIFIED ASSAILANT! SELF DESTRUCT! RETURN TO CREATOR!!!
Fawful: Eeyah ha huh? No! Stay away!
The dome flies towards Fawful. Mario jumps off and lands on Luigi’s head.
Luigi: OW!
Fawful: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Dome: DOMICIOUS EXPLOSION!
The dome explodes right next to Fawful.
Fawful: I have been… defeated.
Luigi: Yeah, by your own stupid inventions!
Fawful: I go now… to a sandwich store! Bye!
He jumps up, all injury forgotten, and flies away.
Luigi: That was weird. At least now we can go to fight Bowletta!
Mysterious Voice: Not so fast! Ha ha ha!
Luigi: No, not Prince Peasley!
Prince Peasley: Prepare to die!
He flies in and begins stabbing at Luigi.
Luigi: AHHHHHH!
Luigi ducks under the blows.
Luigi: Why don’t you attack Mario?!
Prince Peasley: Because! He looks like Santa Claus!
Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mario begins to shake violently.
Prince Peasley: What in the?
Luigi: Oh, now you’ve done it! You called him Santa Claus! He HATES that!
Prince Peasley: I didn’t mean to!
Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mario then jumps right in the air and tackles the prince.
Prince Peasley: ACK! Die!
Prince Peasley tries to stab Mario. Mario grabs the sword and sets it aflame with his hand.
Prince Peasley: HA HA HA! Now I have a flaming sword!
He swings it. It turns to ash.
Prince Peasley: Well that’s not good.
Prince Peasley shakes Mario off.
Prince Peasley: I was afraid of this. So guess what I did?! I managed to get all the MHA members back together! And now they hate you even more! Come forth!
From the area behind the Bros. all the MHA members come: Cork and Cask, Arcade Owner and Security Guards, Gigi and Merri, Border Patrol Bros, Minecart Guy, Bubbles, Popple, and of course dozens of BB soldiers.
Luigi: This is not good.
Prince Peasley: HA HA HA! ATTACK!!!
MHA: DIEEEEEEEEE!
They all dive forward. The Bros. easily dodge.
MHA: ACK!
Luigi: Jeez, why do you STILL hate us?
Gigi: Why, you ask?
Merri: Because those nasty slugs used us in their “game”!
Gigi: Rocks were thrown at us for FIVE hours!
Merri: And we lost 500 COINS!
Luigi: That’s bad, but not our fault.
Jellyfish Sisters: Uhhhh…
Popple: Well I still hate you because you kept beating me up AND that weird Birdo thing GOT me! *shudder*
Luigi: You kept attacking us! And it’s not MY fault that you didn’t check your partner’s gender before getting them!
Popple: Oh yeah, what am I supposed to do? Ask them what gender they are? Oh excuse me, what gender are you? Like that?! Don’t be an idiot!
Luigi: Actually that sounds like fun! Hey Mario! What gender are you?
Mario: GRRRRRRR! Die!
Mario smashes Luigi.
Luigi: Ow. Notice he didn’t answer my question.
Mario: GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR! DIE!
Mario beats on Luigi.
Popple: Uhhhhhh…
Arcade Owner: Well I hate you for being near the crab that used me as a decoration!
Luigi: Ow… If you hate me for a reason that stupid there truly is no hope for you.
Arcade Owner: Really? Crud.
Cork: You defeated the creature that defeated us!
Cask: We cannot suffer such indignities!
Luigi: Well technically you could see it as exacting vengeance.
Cork: Wow, he’s right!
Minecart Guy: Well you defeated me in a battle I initiated… Wait, I don’t even need you to tell me how stupid that is.
Border Bros. 1: Well you dropped a large, aquatic reptile on us.
Luigi: It was endangered?
Border Bros. 2: Um, I can’t see a flaw with that… You’re right!
Bubbles: You hate my jokes!
Luigi: Well even you know they're bad; you used them as a weapon against us!
Bubbles: Oh yeah? Take this! What’s better? Diet soda or regular? Regular, cause otherwise you’ll DIE while drinking IT!
Luigi: THAT was bad.
Bubbles: Yeah, I agree.
BB Soldier: We just run around and stab things.
Luigi: Yes you do.
MHA: We’re sorry! Thank you for pointing out our stupidity and inequity!
Luigi: Uh, you’re welcome?
MHA: BYE!
They all leave.
Prince Peasley: Well that didn’t work. Oh well, now you must DIE! SUPER SHINY ATTACK!
He swings his hair, blinding Mario and Luigi. He comes up behind Luigi and punches him.
Luigi: OW!
Mario: FIRE!
Mario blasts the prince with a fireball.
Prince Peaseley: GRR! Time for my ultimate weapon! I bought it for 9.99! EXPLOSIVE BUNNY!
He holds up a pink bunny. It is holding a drum.
Bunny: I keep going and going and going…
Luigi: What kind of weapon is THAT?
Prince Peasley: Wait for it…
Bunny: ...going and going and going…
Luigi: It’s just beating a drum.
Prince Peasley: I KNOW it will do something!
Bunny: ...going and going and going…
Three hours later…
Bunny: ...going and going and going…
Prince Peasley: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I knew I shouldn’t have put Energizers in it! DIE!
He picks it up and chucks it. It bounces off the wall and hits him in the head.
Prince Peasley: I have been… defeated.
Luigi: By yourself!
Prince Peasley: Tell my mother… *cough, cough* that I… really don’t like her…
Luigi: Oh shut up! You got hit in the head by a BUNNY!
Prince Peasley: And because of it I may never show my face in public! Goodbye, Bros!
Miraculously he gets up and flies away.
Luigi: THAT was weird.
Now that all the distractions are gone, Mario and Luigi head to the throne room to battle Bowletta in a truly awesome showdown of epic proportions! They win, The End. Just kidding! As they enter the room they see Bowletta on her throne.
Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! I knew you’d get here! Even with all that I sent after you, Queen Bean, Fawful, the Koopalings, and many more!
Luigi: If you knew that we’d reach you regardless, why did you send them after us?
Bowletta: Uh… That is an unimportant detail!
Luigi: Sure it is.
Bowletta: Grrr! Prepare to DIE!
She fires multiple fireballs at them, but the Bros. dodge them all. Well, most of them…
Luigi: Ow! FIRE!
Mario: My line!
Mario whacks Luigi.
Bowletta: That’s not working! Firebreath!
Two blocks appear above the Bros. as Bowletta starts to charge an attack.
Mario: It’s-a me-a, Mario!
Mario jumps up and grabs his block, then jumps on Luigi’s block, sending it down on him while holding the block in front of him.
Luigi: OW! Get off!
Bowletta: FWOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSH!
A gigantic stream of fire erupts from her mouth. However it is successfully blocked by Mario’s block. Luigi manages to get Mario off.
Luigi: You’re insane.
Bowletta: Am not!
Luigi: I wasn’t talking to you! Although you are.
Bowletta: That does it! Time for my ultimate attack! Raining Star Frenzy… Of Death!
Bowletta turns black and all of a sudden large different-colored stars fall down. They move slowly, and the Bros. have no problem dodging them until Mario trips and bumps into Bowletta.
Bowletta: Ack! I have been… defeated!
Luigi: Wow, that was simple.
A Bob-omb goes in between the fighters and blows up. The explosion reaches no one.
Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! I caught you with your guard down!
Luigi: No you didn’t.
Bowletta: Now… to EAT you!
She opens her mouth wide, and even though it is not nearly large enough to get even ONE of them inside, both of them are sucked in at the same time.
Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! Now they are inside of me and capable of striking at my only weakness… my Spirit… Wait, this idea doesn’t sound so good anymore…
Inside Bowletta…
The Bros. stagger to their feet.
Luigi: You know, for having just been eaten, I feel pretty good.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi looks around. They are on a large path and on either sides of it clouds blanket the ground as far as the eye can see.
Luigi: Not only is the inside far larger than the outside, but this doesn’t look remotely like the inside of a belly.
Mysterious Voice: Eeyah ha ha! Still alive? Well not for long!
A gigantic purple creature with long arms and no legs floats into view.
Luigi: What are you?
Ugly Beast of Death: I am Cackletta’s Spirit!
Luigi: I see. Do we have to defeat you now?
Cackletta’s Spirit: I’d rather you not.
Luigi: How can we hurt you? You’re a ghost!
Cackletta’s Spirit: Technically I’m a spirit, because I’m still alive.
Luigi: Right. Well anyways… prepare for death! … Sort of.
nd they battle. Cackletta’s Spirit uses many spells on them, such as fireballs, electric balls, energy balls, twirling hands, and other fun things. Fortunately she has bad aim and misses most of the time.
Cackletta’s Spirit: Ha! You’ll never beat me! Why the only way is for you to attack my heart by destroying my arms and heads! And you’ll never figure that out!
Luigi: Really?
Cackletta’s Spirit: Why yes!
Luigi: Mario, destroy the hands!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Cackletta’s Spirit: What?! How did you guess?!
Mario strikes at the left hand, but misses and hit Luigi, propelling him into the right.
Luigi: OW!
Cackletta’s Spirit: Now I have you!
She grabs him tight.
Luigi: Ack!
Cackletta’s Spirit: Now for my ultimate attack!
She slams him into her head, destroying the hand that was holding him, knocking off her head and causing it to fall on her other hand, destroying that one.
Cackletta’s Spirit: On second thought, maybe this was a bad idea.
The heart on her body expands and starts pumping. Her arms come back.
Cackletta’s Spirit: Now it shall give me back my head…
The heart pumps furiously but since the head is on the ground and not destroyed, there is no way to bring it back.
Cackletta’s Spirit: Uh… hands? Put my head on!
The hands grope blindly for the head.
Cackletta’s Spirit: I’m over here! Stupid! You know where I am!
One of the hands grabs Mario and tried to put him where the head goes. He falls down and lands on the heart.
Cackletta’s Spirit: OW! Don’t do that! Fawful’s Ghost! Come here!
A pale incarnation of Fawful appears.
Fawful’s Ghost: Eeyah ha ha! I have come back with speediness!
Cackletta’s Spirit: Excellent! Destroy the Mario Bros!
Fawful’s Ghost: Yes mistress… only how? I’m insubstantial!
Cackletta’s Spirit: Uhh… Just float around and laugh.
Fawful’s Ghost: Okay! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha!
Luigi: Shut up!
Fawful’s Ghost: Never! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha!
Luigi: I’ll give you a sandwich!
Fawful’s Ghost: Really? No, I don’t believe you! Mistress is the only one who makes sandwiches!
Luigi: She made this one! It’s inside the big red thing! She doesn’t want you to have it!
Fawful’s Ghost: MINE!
Cackletta’s Spirit: NOOOOOO!
Fawful’s Ghost dives for her heart and dissipates on contact.
Luigi: Wha?
Cackletta’s Spirit: Eeyah ha ha! Remember? He can’t hurt anyone!
Luigi: Crud.
Mario: Whee!
Cackletta’s Spirit: No! Don’t do that!
Mario picks up the head and walks over to the heart.
Cackletta’s Spirit: Hands! Attack!
The hands wave wildly around and then start attacking the heart because it is sticking up and therefore must be bad.
Cackletta’s Spirit: NOO! Stupid appendages! AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Mario throws the head at the heart. The body then pulsates.
Cackletta’s Spirit: I have been… defeated!
She then explodes! The Mario Bros. are thrown out of Bowletta!
Bowletta: Ack! How did you? Now I am dead… sort of! I SHALL RETURN!
Her spirit (amazingly intact after the explosion) then flies out of the body. It then transforms back into Bowser!
Bowser: Uhh… What am I doing here?
Luigi: It’s a long story.
Bowser: Wait… You guys didn’t beat me up, did you?
Luigi: Sort of…
Bowser: We gotta get out of here! The castle is going to explode!
Luigi: WHAT?! Why?!
Bowser: It’s rigged to explode every time I get beaten in the hopes that I’ll get you guys with it!
Luigi: How much time do we have?
Bowser: Well, don’t worry; it takes about ten minutes, which is why you always escape.
Luigi: That’s good.
Bowser: However, it WILL explode right away if I say: Super duper explosive-rama thing!
Luigi: YOU IDIOT! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?!
Bowser: Whoops.
The castle explodes. They all land in front of the castle. Princess Peach, Lady Lima, Toadstool, and Queen Bean all come out.
Princess Peach: Quick! Before they regain consciousness bring them to the airport and wrap Bowser in a present… I want to give him to Mario for his birthday! Queen Bean can send it by mail!
Toadsworth: Whatever you say!
Lady Lima: Just as my darling Toadsworth said!
They look at each other with love in their eyes.
Queen Bean: Ho ho ho! And just yesterday you guys were killing each other! What happened?
Toadsworth: She opened my present.
Lady Lima: It was a certificate saying I am a Queen’s Person Thing! Now it’s legal that I work for you!
Queen Bean: Ho ho huh? What?
At the airport…
The Mario Bros. regain consciousness.
Luigi: Where are we?
Princess Peach: At the airport! We’re entering my PINK airplane!
Luigi: What?
Princess Peach: We’re leaving for the Mushroom Kingdom. Well you are. I’m going to kick you out of the plane, then Toadsworth and I shall head to some kind of Rogueport place. I hear they make lipstick!
Luigi: KICK us out?
Princess Peach: Yes, in midair. With no parachute. I can’t afford them.
Luigi: But you’re a princess!
Princess Peach: Mario! Get him!
Mario grabs Luigi and carries him inside. Princess Peach follows.
Toadsworth: Lady Lima, I leave now a changed man, err… Toad, and I wanted to thank you for it.
Lady Lima: You will never forget me, will you?
Toadsworth: Of course not! At least not until we take off. Then I will lose any memory of you because of something shiny I see!
Lady Lima: Oh, you’re so sweet!
Toadsworth enters the plane and they take off.
Luigi: What do you mean there is no pilot?!
Credits*…
Luigi played by…
Himself
Mario played by…
Himself
Fawful played by…
Himself
Cackletta played by…
Herself/Bowser
Bowser played by…
Himself/Cackletta
Bowletta played by…
Gender confused passerby
Prince Peasley played by…
Fawful
Border Patrol Bros. played by…
Cardboard cutouts
Toadsworth played by…
That one guy
Lady Lima played by…
Fawful
Minecart Guy played by…
Harry Potter!
Queen Bean played by…
A large potted plant
Popple played by…
Fawful
Birdo played by…
Himself/herself… something
Jojora played by…
Cube of ice
The rest of the MHA played by…
Assorted Woodland Creatures
Woohoo Hooniversity Students played
by… Frederick Von Oostendorp**
Oho Jee played by…
Clumps of wool
Everyone else played by…
People we picked up off the streets
Special Thanks to: Lord Drash, he made all of this possible! And the Super Luigi Club, they don’t exist! Also to people who read this, thank you! Why exactly did I include Credits in a WRITTEN story?
*Warning: These Credits are not entirely accurate. Far more people were involved; we just don’t want to pay them. Also credit is given to people who weren’t in it. We blame YOU!
**Frederick Von Oostendorp is the man who invented gravity, and the question mark. (Not really)
The End!
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