A cloud of pink smoke appeared suddenly outside the Koopa Castle one bright sunny day.  The cloud quickly took the form of a Koopa and left Susan B. Koopa standing on the castle lawn.

Susan skipped up to the doors of the castle. “Good morning, Mr. Guard,” she said to the guard on duty, giving him a winning smile.  The guard smiled back and let her in.

Susan hummed a happy tune as she danced down the hallways on the familiar route to the Throne Room.  She found Bowser there.  “Hello, Uncle Bowser.  May I please play with my cousins today?” she asked politely.

“Hello, Susan!” replied Bowser.  “Of course you may play with the Koopalings.” Bowser loved Susan. He wished his own children were as cute and polite.

“Thank you, Uncle Bowser!” Susan blew a kiss and skipped out of the room, her long hair swishing behind her.

She went first to visit Ludwig.  She knocked on his door and stood quietly, looking her cutest.

Ludwig opened the door and frowned.  “I am positive that I previously requested your absence from my living quarters at all later times,” he said shortly.

“You have uttered a true statement,” Susan replied sweetly.  “However, my observations suggest that your original request did not reflect your actual sentiment on my presence.”

“Well it did!” shouted Ludwig.  “Now get away from my door and never come back!  And this time rest assured that I mean it!”  Ludwig slammed the door in Susan’s face.

Susan shrugged and twirled down the hallway to Lemmy’s door.  She knocked and waited.

Lemmy opened the door with a smile, because that’s how he always looks when he answers a knock on his door.  “Hello, Susan!” he said.  “Won’t you come in?”

“Thank you, Cousin Lemmy!” Susan curtseyed and entered Lemmy’s apartment.

Lemmy quickly set out some cookies and milk for his guest.  He then proceeded to entertain her.  He told jokes (but not while Susan was drinking), juggled various objects, and did tricks on his ball.  Susan clapped politely after each trick.

When she was done eating, Susan went into another room.  She came back riding a unicycle while juggling five balls of different sizes.  Not only that, she was blindfolded!  She rode around the room several times without bumping into a thing.  Then, still blindfolded, she jumped onto a ball.  Susan kept her balance and did not drop a single ball.  The unicycle bumped into a chair and stopped without falling over.  After riding around the room once on the ball, Susan jumped again.  She landed on the ball again and rode around the room with her hands downward.  She continued juggling the five balls with her feet.  She then jumped off the ball, turned two complete somersaults in mid-air, and landed in a split in the middle of the floor.  Without taking her blindfold off, she caught the five balls in a pocket of her dress.  Then she stood up, smiled, and curtseyed.  Susan concluded her trick by getting up, climbing back onto the unicycle, and riding out of the room, smiling and waving.

She soon came back without any of her props.  She smiled at Lemmy and said, “What did you think of my trick?  Of course, I’m afraid I really didn’t perform it very well today.  And it wasn’t my latest-greatest trick either.  That one I only show to special people.”

Lemmy threw Susan out of his room.  He liked to watch tricks, but he hated it when people did fancy-looking tricks and then bragged about them.

Susan was very insulted.  Soon she got up, dusted off her dress, and knocked on Roy’s door.

Roy threw open the door.  “Whaddya want?” he asked angrily, because that’s how he always answers the door.  “Goody,” he said when he saw who it was.

Roy led Susan into his apartment.  Susan quickly changed into a wrestling outfit.  Then she met Roy in the living room.  They charged at each other.  Susan ducked to one side just before Roy would have trampled her.  She slipped around behind him and grabbed one of his feet.

Roy went flying as one foot was pulled from beneath him and thrown up towards his head.  He slammed into a wall but quickly got up and came back.  This time Susan leap-frogged over his back.  Roy pulled up short.  As he turned, Susan grabbed one of his arms and flung him back into the wall.  Roy charged again.  Susan grabbed him around the middle, spun him around, and sent him flying into the wall a third time.  A bell rang.

“I won!” Susan said triumphantly.  She pulled out a notepad.  “That makes...37 times in a row, Roy.  Nice playing with you!”  Susan ran from the room before Roy pulverized her.

Susan ducked into a hallway bathroom and changed back into her dress.  Then she knocked on Iggy’s door.

Iggy’s smile quickly turned to a frown when he saw his visitor.  Leaving the door open, he walked back into his apartment.  Susan followed.

“Hello, Cousin Iggy!” she smiled.  “I brought you a present!”  Susan handed Iggy a videotape.  “It’s an aerobic work-out video,” she explained.  “Written, starred-in, filmed, edited, produced, and directed by yours truly!”

Susan grabbed back the tape and put it in Iggy’s VCR.  She turned on the TV.

“Hey, everyone!” said the TV Susan.  “Let’s have a fun aerobic workout, okay?  This program is brought to you by me, and I’ll take you through a workout to get rid of those ugly pounds.  Of course, I don’t have any to get rid of, but I’ll do the workout anyway because it’s fun!  Here we go!  And one, two, three, four, try harder, work even more!  Five, six, seven, eight, don’t let fatness be your fate!”
The real Susan danced in time to the music on the tape.  “Come on, Iggy!” she called.  “Work it now!  Don’t be lazy!”

Iggy stood next to Susan and followed the tape, except he sang, “One, two, three, four, Susan’s going out the door!  Five, six, seven, eight, her tape’s the opposite of great!”  At this point, Iggy hustled Susan out of his room, removed the tape from the VCR, and attempted to squeeze it down the garbage disposal.  When that didn’t work, he ran out on his deck and heaved the videotape far out of sight.

Susan shrugged and went to knock on Wendy’s door.  Wendy soon opened the door.  Even faster, she closed it.  Susan opened the door and went in.

“Hi, Cousin Wendy!” she shrieked.  “Time for a make-over!”

“No,” said Wendy firmly.  “Time for annoying cousin to leave.”

Susan laughed.  “You’re so funny!  I love you, Cousin Wendy!”

“That’s nice,” Wendy said.  “You know, I appreciate you more when you’re gone.”

Susan nodded.  “I know exactly what you mean.”

“Okay,” Wendy smiled.  “Then maybe you’ll understand this too: go away!”

“I sense hostility,” said Susan.

“Your powers of perception are great indeed,” replied Wendy.  “Now get out!”

Susan left.  She knocked on Morton’s door.

Morton opened the door and immediately began to talk, because that’s how he always opens the door. “Hello you have knocked on the door of Morton that’s me I am Morton but you probably already knew that because I’m in the room that has a sign on the door saying ‘Morton’s Room’ so I guess that’s a pretty good clue but I could be a servant cleaning while Morton is out but I’m not I am Morton that is Morton Koopa Jr. after my grandfather Morton Koopa so technically I’m not a junior but anyway enough about me let’s talk about you you are Susan B. Koopa you’re my cousin and you annoy me and that’s all I have to say on the subject of you except that you’re at my door and I wish you weren’t because I really don’t like you did you know that?”

“Hello, Cousin Morton.  Yes I know that’s who you are and I am Susan.  I didn’t know that you didn’t like me.  Why don’t you like me?  I’m cute and cuddly and sweet and polite and smart and just generally nice and Uncle Bowser likes me better than you.”

“That’s not true you told me a lie Dad likes me way better than he’ll ever like you and you are not cute cuddly sweet polite smart and nice.”

“I am too and I don’t lie.”

“I, as the great Morton Koopa Jr., give you, Susan B. Koopa, official permission to remove yourself from my doorway that means go away now goodbye!”

Morton slammed the door.  Susan knocked on Larry’s door.

Larry opened the door.  “I’m busy,” he said.

“You’re cute!” said Susan, pushing her way inside.  “How’s my little love-cousin today?”

“He would like to finish his homework,” Larry answered.  “And he does not want annoying cousins hanging around.”

Susan giggled.  “I know you’re just playing hard to get.  Come here, cutey-boy!”  Susan grabbed Larry in a big hug, then let him go.  She ran towards the table in the middle of the living room.

“Ooh, you got me fresh flowers!” she exclaimed.  She ran to get a large scissors.  She neatly cut the flowers’ stems and picked them up.  She tied them with a ribbon from her purse.  “You’re so thoughtful, Larry!”  Susan took her flowers and skipped out of the room.

“Sure,” said Larry after she had left the room.  “Help yourself to the last living yutalds in the universe.”

Susan skipped back to the Throne Room.  “Hello, Uncle Bowser!” she smiled.  “I had a wonderful time today.  Thank you for letting me visit!”

“Come back any time, Susan!” Bowser replied.

 Susan smiled and left the castle.

Several days later...

The familiar cloud of smoke appeared on the castle lawn.  Susan entered the castle and took her usual route through the Throne Room to Ludwig’s room.

When she knocked, the door swung open.  Susan went into the empty room.

“Surprise!” shouted the seven Koopalings, jumping out.

“Oh!” Susan exclaimed.  “I don’t know what to eeeeeeek!”

At that moment, Ludwig had dumped a large bucket of mud on Susan.  “I sincerely hope that you find much pleasure in the humble gift which I have given to you,” he said.

“Enjoy your cake!” shouted Lemmy, throwing a custard pie in her face.  Roy picked up Susan and threw her into a wall.

Iggy danced around the room, stepping on Susan and shouting, “One, two, three, four, step on Susan on the floor!  Five, six, seven, eight, throw her out and don't be late!”

“Makeup!” yelled Wendy, slapping Susan in the face with a huge puff covered with gray powder.

Larry dumped a pot of dirt on Susan.  “Enjoy the rest of your yutalds!”

Morton ran wildly around the room, then grabbed a sack and put it over Susan’s head.  He bundled her up with a bottle of oxygen.  Next he pulled a giant balloon around the sack and blew it up.  Tying the end with a colorful string, he pushed Susan and her helium balloon out the window.  “Goodbye bon voyage have a nice trip see you next fall don’t come back forget to write and hopefully not see you later!” he yelled.

The Koopalings watched Susan float away.  Then they helped Ludwig clean up his room.

Susan floated far away until she reached the Earth.  “I’ve always wanted to visit Earth,” she said.  “And I speak every language ever used anywhere on this planet!”

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