Part 3: Showdown at Koopa Fortress
Announcer #2: Darn it! The reception’s still frizzy!
Announcer #1: Um… What happened in the first place?
Announcer #3: Er… Previously on No Time Like the Future...
>>TV Summary<<
Jacob: Princess Peach was captured, half the army was decimated, and now, even our strongest soldiers aren’t going in there. Now, here is how this plan is going to happen. Tonight, at midnight, the princess will be married to Koopa against her will. Afterward, she will be killed, as Koopa doesn’t need a queen after he’s king. We pulled you forward in time. Now we hope you can save the princess.
Later…
Luigi: Mario, get ready. Behind those doors will be our greatest challenge yet.
After a while, the Mario Brothers feel they are ready, and they walk through the double doors.
Announcer #3: Will this be the end? Will there be a part four?
Announcer #2: Great. Humor me. Scare the audience. I’m sure there will be a part four… NOT!
Announcer #1: Yes, I agree. The title said, “Showdown at Koopa Fortress”, not anything else.
Announcer #3: Sure. Whatever. Anyway…
The same title movie from yesterday plays. Some lame excuse for Mario music plays to a badly done title movie, switching between Mario eating a taco to a bad drawing of a Koopa with a bomb to a very, very, very bad-looking picture of Luigi.
Author: You tied Luigi up so he would not sue us, right?
Announcer #3: Sure did… wait a minute. The title movie’s over! Errgh! Anyway… continue the show.
Announcer #2: Sorry. The TV will not respond! We’re trying everything!
Announcer #1: Just hang on for a minute.
Announcer #3: Oh, um, okay…
24 hours later…
Announcer #3: Groan. Groan. Have you got it fixed yet?
Announcer #2: Still working on it.
Announcer #3: …O_O… You know, it might work better if you PLUG THE TV IN!
Announcer #1: WHAT?
Announcer #2: Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to be electrocuted.
Announcers #1, #3, and everyone watching the show: 0_o
Announcer #1 plugs the TV in and the
show pops on.
Bowser: Mah ha ha! It is almost midnight, my dear.
Bowser is walking back and forth in front of his throne. Next to it is Princess Peach, in a wedding gown, in a cage, in a tight predicament.
Peach: You fiend! Let me go!
Bowser: No chance! I will become King Koopa if it’s the last thing I… you know, I refuse to say that, because I will live forever! Mah ha ha!
As soon as the last word leaves his mouth, a fireball hits him square in the chest. The Time Stone belt fizzles a little and returns to its normal condition.
Bowser: WHO DARES TO FIREBALL THE KING OF KOOPAS?
Bowser looks at the door and freezes. Mario and Luigi are standing there, with Mario’s glove still smoking from the fireball.
Bowser: You!
Peach: Mario? Luigi? Attacking Bowser?
Mario and Luigi run to the throne. Bowser slaps a smile on his face and laughs.
Bowser: Heh! I didn’t think you would make it this far. But this will be as far as you get! Mario, Luigi, attack!
Two shadowy figures drop from the ceiling. As they step into the light, Mario and Luigi recoil. The figures look like them in every way, except for the uniforms, which greatly resemble Bowser’s shell. Basically, that is what they are wearing: exact copies of Bowser’s shells, except in a size to fit them. The caps are the same, though.
Bowser: Mario, Luigi, attack!
As the two teams of Brothers jump into battle poses, the screen changes to a Superstar Saga battle format.
Battle Initiated!
Mario (70/70 HP)
Luigi (65/65 HP)
Vs.
Mario (70/70 HP)
Luigi (65/65 HP)
Mario: Well, this will be interesting.
Mario’s Turn
Hammer
Success!
Mario takes 22 damage. (48/70 HP)
Luigi’s Turn
Hammer
Success!
Luigi takes 20 damage. (50/70 HP)
Bowser: Hmm… I’m bored. Finish the job, guys! Remove your shells.
The two Brothers remove their shells to reveal brown jumpsuits, and they instantly gain huge muscles as large and hard as bowling balls.
Mario: … Oh boy.
Mario: Now you’re in for it. We will protect our master… Luigi?
Luigi: Yes?
Mario: Not you! My Brother!
Luigi: Yeah?
Mario: Don’t these guys look familiar?
Bowser: QUIT SQUABLING AND ATTACK!
Mario: Eep! Yes, Master.
Mario’s Turn
Super Stomp
WOAH MAMA!
Mario takes 69 damage! (1/70 HP)
Luigi’s Turn
Super Hammer
OH MY GOODNESS!
Luigi takes 64 damage. (1/65 HP)
Mario: … I… can’t… believe… it…
Luigi: … I… told… you… everyone… is… ripped…
Bowser: Yeah! Finish them!
Mario: Wait!
Bowser freezes as his slave yells. Luigi (the slave) looks at his Brother. As a matter of fact, everyone looks at him.
Mario: Something about them…
Mario walks up to Mario and pulls on his mustache.
Mario: OW!
Mario: That mustache…
Mario inspects the Marios’ caps.
Mario: Those caps… Are you two… us?
Mario and Luigi nod.
Mario: My goodness!
Luigi: Unbelievable!
Bowser: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DESTROY THEM!
The slaves look at their counterparts. Mario and Luigi shake their heads slightly.
Mario: No way, Jose!
Bowser: Grrr… Just like a slave to betray you…
Luigi: We’re no longer your slaves!
Mario: Let’s go!
The four Mario Brothers jump at Bowser. Bowser jumps through the ceiling and laughs.
Mario: Now how are we going to get to him?
Ahem…
Mario and Luigi look over at the curtain at the left side of the room to see Mario and Luigi. They pull the curtain back to reveal a secret staircase to the fourth floor, or to those who are more familiar with the term, the roof.
Mario: Take this to the roof and fight Bowser. We’ll free the princess.
Mario: Okay. You two take care!
Luigi: You too!
The Brothers go to the stairs and climb. They climb and climb and climb some more until they finally reach the roof. Over near the hole Bowser created is Bowser, plotting his next move.
Bowser: Grr! Those Brothers ruin everything. But it’s nothing a little time travel can’t fix.
Mario: Stop!
Bowser: Grr! Not you two… Wait… Oh, you're wearing red and green, so you’re from the past. Typical.
Mario: Fix the past now!
Bowser: (in a taunting voice) Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe I should, NO!
Luigi: Then we have no choice. Come on, Mario!
Matrix music plays.
Bowser: … Cheesy music must mean cheesy Matrix before the battle…
The two Brothers and Bowser jump at each other, freezing briefly for the camera to zoom 360 degrees around them. The screen switches back to a Superstar Saga battle format.
Battle Initiated!
Mario (1/70 HP)
Luigi (1/65 HP)
Vs.
Bowser (250/250 HP)
Belt (32/50 HP)
Bracelets (60/60 HP each)
Tiara (80/80 HP)
Luigi: Wait! We forgot to heal after the last battle!
Bowser: Pity!
Mario: Wait… Why do the Time Stone bands have individual health bars?
Bowser: Heh! Time to die!
Mario’s Turn
Hammer
Success!
Bowser takes 0 damage.
Luigi: Huh?
Mario: Oh boy.
Bowser: Ha! Figured it out, did you? With the Time Stones, I can have everlasting life!
Luigi: There has to be a way to win… Wait…
As soon as the last word leaves his mouth, a fireball hits him square in the chest. The Time Stone belt fizzles a little and returns to its normal condition.
Luigi: I got it!
Luigi’s Turn
Hammer
Success!
Belt takes 20 damage. (12/50 HP)
Bowser: What?
Mario: Oh. I get it.
Bowser: Heh. Talk about desperation. My turn.
Bowser’s Turn
Super Mega Fire Bleach
Success!
Mario and Luigi took ¥ damage.
(Defeated x2)
Luigi: AHHH… Wait… Why am I not dead?
The two Brothers look at the ground and realize with shock that their counterparts had blocked the attack, but when the Brothers inspect them, they are barely alive.
Mario: … M…M…Mario…
Luigi: … L…L…Luigi…
Mario: NO!
Mario: … T…t…take… this…
Mario slips a Mushroom into each of the Brothers’ hands.
Luigi: … They… a…are… G…Golden… Mushrooms… Eat…it…
The two Brothers look from their battered counterparts to the Mushrooms in their hands. They look at each other and eat their Shrooms. They are instantly healed.
Mario: … T…t…take care… of… the… princess…
Luigi: Wait! Don’t go! Mario, get the emergency Shroom Kit!
Mario goes and gets a small bag of Mushrooms. He pulls out two small yet very effective 1-Up Supers. He feeds one to each counterpart.
Mario: Please… Say it’s not too late.
The Brothers remain still.
Luigi: … No…
Mario and Luigi shed a tear each.
Bowser: Heh! That should get them for a while.
Mario and Luigi stand up slowly, and glare deeply at Bowser.
Bowser: Ahhh! Those… c-c-cold stares…
Mario and Luigi walk up to their battling positions and pull their hammers out.
Mario’s Turn
Hammer
Success!
Belt takes 100 damage. (Defeated)
Bowser: That power! It’s so raw! It’s incredible! Heh! But not like mine!
Luigi’s Turn
Thunder Bros.
Success!
Bowser takes no damage. Bracelet #1,
Bracelet #2, and Tiara take 80 damage. (Defeated x3)
Bowser: No! I’m defenseless!
Bowser’s Turn
Super Mega Fire Bleach
Unsuccessful!
Mario and Luigi take no damage.
Bowser: O_O
Mario’s Turn
Super Hammer
Success!
Bowser takes 150 damage. (100/250 HP)
Bowser: Where is this power coming from?
Luigi’s Turn
Final Hammer Blast
Super effective!
Bowser takes 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999
damage! (Defeated)
Bowser: … Impossible…
End of Battle!
Bowser: … I… can’t… believe… THAT YOU’RE SUCH SUCKERS!
Bowser hops up and the four Time Stones fly into his hands.
Bowser: Ha! Like I said, the Time Stones granted me the power of invincibility! I’ve absorbed enough radiation to send you to the time of the Big Bang! Goodbye, Super Mario Losers!
Suddenly, two hammers crash down on Bowser’s skull. As he falls forward, the Brothers see their counterparts, who have recovered after all.
Mario: You’re alive!
Mario: Of course! A thanks to Luigi’s quick thinking, for without it, we would have surely died.
Luigi: But then why didn’t you help us in that battle?
Luigi: You two had it under control, so we laid down until we decided to strike.
Mario: I’m just glad we all survived!
As they talk, Bowser crawls toward the huddle of Time Stones.
Bowser: … I will send you back to the Big Bang… I WILL!
The Marios and Luigis turn around as Bowser hold up all four Time Stones. Suddenly, a missile zooms from behind the Marios and hit Bowser, who drops the Time Stones. They turn around and see Jacob and the rest of the rebels. Jacob has his rocket launcher out and reloads it.
Jacob: It seemed like trouble would begin, so we made a house call.
Mario walks over to the Time Stones and picks them up.
Mario: Well, I guess this is a wrap!
Director: No, not yet!
Mario: …
Later…
Mario, Mario, Luigi, Luigi, Jacob, Peach, Yoshi, and the rest of the rebels are now standing outside the fortress. Mario runs to a button on the side of the bridge and pushes it. The bridge disappears and the flotation ring deactivates. The fortress falls into the abyss below.
Mario: You mean this place had a button that would destroy it and you never pushed it?
Jacob: … Ah… well…
Mario: It is such sweet sorrow that we will never know what the present would have been for us. But for now, I’m glad that Bowser, our late master-
Bowser: Hey! I’m not dead!
Yoshi: Quiet!
Yoshi punches at Bowser, who is in a cage in Yoshi’s abdomen.
Bowser: Eep!
Mario: I’m glad that we are no longer his servants and that the princess is safe.
Mario: I didn’t know you were a poet.
Mario: I’m not.
Luigi: …
Mario: Well, I guess it’s time for us to head home. So long!
Luigi, using the Time Stones, opens a portal and he and Mario jump in, their would-be future behind them.
Mario: Luigi…
Luigi: Yes?
Mario: Let’s stop Bowser immediately when we return from the future.
Luigi: Way ahead of you.
Mario: Huh?
Suddenly, the Time Stones disappear as they arrive in the Temple of Time.
Mario: What time, or year, is it?
Luigi: Present day. Seconds after we were pulled into the future.
Suddenly, a warp appears in front of Mario and Luigi. Bowser steps out with two babies in his hands. He sees the Marios and jumps.
Bowser: What? I thought you would have disappeared if you were removed from the past! This doesn’t make sense!
Mario: Trust us. Things never make sense in the future!
Luigi: Come on! Attack!
Bowser: NO!
As soon as Mario and Luigi jump toward Bowser, the screen freezes and the words, “Here we go again!” appear. A moment later, the screen flashes to Mario and Luigi in the castle’s basement with Peach.
Peach: Are you sure that you’re okay?
Mario: A little bruised, but just fine.
Peach: I know, but two fights against Bowser in one day...
Luigi: Actually, more like thirty years.
Peach: Tee hee! You wish!
Mario: Okay, I’m going to return the babies to the past.
Mario goes back in time. Luigi takes a nap as Peach prepares the case to seal the Time Stones in to keep them out of evil’s hands. Mario reappears as soon as the case is ready and Luigi is not asleep.
Peach: What took you?
Mario: Hmm… Well, I got lost in the Bronze, Silver, and Gold Ages; I accidentally traveled to the age of Dinosaurs, the year 2005, and the middle of the Mushroom Sea… I don’t know!
Peach and Luigi laugh at the humor. Peach lays the Time Stones in the case and seals it. Satisfied, the three walk out of the castle.
Peach: Well, it looks like we need to also hold a ceremony for the heroic deeds in the future.
Mario: Make sure there are lots of Mushroom Supremes!
The three laugh as they walk down the trail.
The End
Announcer #2: Bravo! Magnificent! I won the bet!
Announcer #1: What bet?
Announcer #2: Don’t you remember? There is no Part 4, so I win 1,000,000 coins!
Announcer #3: Oh, there most definitely is! The bloopers, if I might add, are a whole separate part.
Announcer #2: Yeah, but… bloopers? This movie has bloopers?
Announcer #3: Yeah. Every good movie has some. Here, let me play it.
The TV flickers and a title replacing
the one at the end of the title movie appears saying, “Bloopers”.
Part 4: Bloopers
Scene 1, Take 3
Ludwig tosses the machine at a guard. The machine blows up and covers the guard in bubble gum. The gum over-inflates and the bubble, guard and all in it, flies into the air, only to be stopped by the ceiling. The bubble pops and the guard gets stuck to the roof.
Guard: Um… a little h-
The guard unsticks from the ceiling and falls.
Guard: AHHHHHHH-
SPLAT!
Bowser: Oh boy. Clean up on Aisle 9! CUT!
Scene 4, Take 25
Ludwig: I have found a way to beat, no, destroy the Mario and Luigi we know today. Here, let me show you this movie canister that was with this book.
Ludwig sets the projector up and fits the canister in. The movie projector turns on easily and projects a short movie on the castle wall. Throughout… the… wait a minute. Something’s wrong…
Bowser: Hey, kids! Here’s how to get in shape! First-
Bowser scorches the canister.
Bowser: Okay… whose idea was it to put my middle school P.E. project in that thing? CUT!
Scene 4, Take 32
Bowser: Ooh, I’ll travel back in time alright. But I won’t destroy the Marios. Heh heh heh… HEH HEH HEH? That’s what you call an evil laugh?
Director: CUT!
Bowser: That is no evil laugh! You'd better fix it the next time before I get back!
Scene 25, Take 163
Ludwig: Oh my DAD! I’m in the bathroom!
But when Ludwig is about to shield his eyes, he suddenly realizes that Luigi’s pants aren’t down and the toilet lid is down. Luigi is also holding a pair of scissors.
Luigi: … Can’t a guy clip classified ads in the privacy of his own bathroom?
Director: CUT! Luigi, it’s not, “Can’t a guy clip classified ads in the privacy of his own bathroom”, it’s, “Can’t a guy clip coupons in the privacy of his own bathroom?”
Luigi: Oh sorry, Kenny.
Kenny: My name’s not Kenny! You! I thought I said CUT!
Scene 27, Take 175
Bowser: Mahaha! I will make you my… oh, come now! This is not even close to an evil laugh!
Director: CUT!
Bowser makes a laugh of great epic proportion in the evil department.
Bowser: That is what I ask of you!
Scene 45, Take 234
Mario: Well, this is-
Suddenly, a nearby tree falls over, showing it’s made of cardboard. A light also falls from the above rafters.
Mario: Mamamia! The sky’s falling! AHHHHHHHH!
Mario runs offscreen as another tree falls over.
Director: Mario, wait! Come back! *exhales deeply* Will someone get Mario? CUT!
Another light falls onto Luigi, knocking him out.
Scene 51, Take 254
Luigi: This is too easy!
SMASH! CLICK! A bib on mechanical arms ties itself to Luigi and unrolls, saying, “This space for rent.”
Luigi: What the? Oh, very funny, Mario! CUT!
Scene 53, Take 261
SMASH! CLICK! A bucket of tar and a bag of chicken feathers fall on Luigi from the rafters above.
Luigi: WAH! Oh… Very funny, Mario! Next time, I’m gonna… I’m gonna… CUT!
Scene 61, Take 282
BOING-BOING! CLICK! A barrel of tar and a truck of feathers are poured on Luigi. To finish it off, a bib saying, “I’m with stupid (who is ME)!” on it is tied to Luigi.
Luigi: DANG IT, MARIO! COME OVER HERE! I GONNA HAVE A WORD WITH YOU! CUT!
Scene 72, Take 295
Bowser: Mah ha ha! It is almost… WHAT? That’s the best you can come up with?
Director: CUT!
Bowser: That’s it! I’m out of here!
Director: I’ll raise your salary by 1,000,000 coins.
Bowser: Now you’re talking my language!
Director: Wait! I SAID CUT!
Scene 85, Take 321
Bowser’s Turn
Super Mega Fire Bleach
Success!
Mario and Luigi took ¥ damage.
(Defeated x2)
Luigi: … Ow…
Director: Wait. Where are the counterparts?
The two come onstage.
Mario: Sorry. The boys had a coffee spill backstage.
Luigi: Yeah, and… what happened here?
Luigi: … I… suggest… special… effects…
Director: CUT!
Scene 100, Take 350
Mario: Make sure there are lots of Mushroom Supremes!
The three laugh as they walk down the trail.
Director: And… CUT! That’s a wrap, people! Great job! See you at the premiere!
The entire cast leaves, except…
Guard: Um… hello?
The guard from the first scene in the real movie is still stuck to the ceiling.
Guard: Anyone here? … Oh boy… just my luck.
Announcer #2: Great. Just great. A 4-part movie. 1,000,000 coins in the red. *sniff*
Announcer #1: Ah, well, there’s more where that came from.
Announcer #3: Well, I can’t wait until the next exciting episode of The Adventures of Super Mario!
Announcer #2: If there is a next time. Most of my money supported the show.
Announcer #3: … Great. Just great. End transmission!
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