Order and Chaos

By King of Bling

Deep within the enormous, flakey, woodworm-ridden library of Castle Koopa, a Koopaling is doing some important research.

Lemmy: This is it, the Oracle of the Amulet!

Lemmy is looking for information on the legendary possesion of the Koopa Royal Family. It was said to be an object which gave the powers of a god to whoever wore it.

Lemmy: (flicking through pages) Okay... Where is its location? ... WHAT? There's a page missing!

Lemmy closes the book firmly and shoves it back in its place on the bookshelf.

Lemmy: My one chance to have made the Koopas invincible and get so much respect is gone because there is a single page missing? AHHHHHHH!

He storms out and slams the door, knocking over every bookcase in the library. Right outside, Bowser is looking straight down at Lemmy, just hearing all the shelves and books shattering.

Lemmy: What? You hardly every use the library.

Bowser: I'll give you two geusses on what I'm next going to say.

Lemmy: Go to the dungeons for a month?

Bowser: Correct!

Lemmy: No, correct is the next thing you said!

Bowser: Whatever.


Later, at Mario's house...

Luigi: Mario, help me clear up all these boxes. Our house is packed with junk because you keep bringing in what you find in the bottom of the garden!

Mario ignores him for the time being, and rushes to the back garden to bring in all the woodlice he can find.

Luigi: (searching through a box) Junk... junk... picture of Peach... junk... dead woodlice... map to the location of an incredibly powerful amulet which could give the Koopas power to conquer galaxy...  junk...

Mario runs over to the map and sneezes into it.

Mario: Luigi, is it the grass cuttings or the woodlice that give me hay fever?

Luigi: The grass cuttings.

Mario: Okie dokie, I'll get more woodlice!

A month after the first scene, at the great banquet table in Castle Koopa...

Bowser: I hope you've done your monthly attack on the Marios, Koopalings...

Lemmy: Dad! How could I have done my attack if I was in the dungeons all month?

Bowser: If you had the blood of a true Koopa, you would have broken out and done your duty. Then you would have come to me so I could punish you more!

Lemmy: Can I do it now?

Bowser: Fine, I'll be soft with you today.

Ludwig: (whispering to Iggy) How come he is never soft with us? He doesn't give me health insurance for injuries from my experiments or give you a bodyguard to protect you from Roy!


Yet again, at Mario's Pad...

Luigi: There's our burglar alarm fitted. Now we don't need to worry about Koopaling attacks any more!

Mario: Who are you talking to?

Luigi: Myself... I mean you! Why don't you ever listen, and why am I doing all the work every day?

Mario: Because I'm-a Mario!

Luigi: ... Yet you always get all the fame and kisses and cakes....

Luigi decides to test the new alarm. He locks Mario outside the house and pretends to sneak in. He grabs a random object, the snotty map, and tries to leave. Mario sees him climb out the window.

Mario: It's-a burglar!

Mario starts bludgening Luigi with a plank of wood which he tore from the suspension beam.

Luigi: Stop it, you half-wit!

Mario: Okay, Mr. Burglar Bill! Now don't ever come here again!

Mario tosses Luigi into the nearby lake and replaces the suspension beam just before the house piles on top of him.

Ten minutes later, the alarm finally rings.


Lemmy, who was hiding in the bushes while watching all this, notices the sheet of paper that Luigi let go of when he fell in the lake. When Luigi climbs out, filled with anger, he storms towards Mario, who quickly hides in the house. Lemmy snatches the paper as soon as it drifts near him.

Lemmy: I can't believe my luck! Somehow Mario got hold of this map, and now I can rightfully reclaim it for the Koopas!

Although the ink is somewhat smudged, you can tell where the map points to, so Lemmy rushes back to his castle.


It is getting dark as Lemmy runs into Bowser's throne room.

Bowser: How did you fail this time?

Lemmy: I didn't, I got the Koopas unlimited power!

Lemmy hands over the map.

Bowser: You mean this damp, snotty piece of paper will be the answer to all my problems?

Lemmy: Yep!

Bowser: Then I don't want to see you again until you've found whatever is shown on this map. Get going!

Lemmy: All by myself?

Bowser: Do you expect me to waste troops by sending them on your little scavenger hunt? GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

Lemmy: Whatever...


Lemmy peers at the map. After a while he recognizes the area it shows to be Toad Town. He quickly puts on his Toad disguise, as he doesn't want to deal the hassle of everyone being in panic, and makes his way to his destination.

Lemmy: Okay... So from the town center, take two paces to the east, nine to the north, and six to the east again.

The map shows that the amulet is in a rich Toad's back garden. Lemmy leaps over the fence and starts ripping the priceless gnomes, roses, and rockery to pieces.

Rich Toad: Oi, tresspasser! You can't do that!

Lemmy: (false Australian accent) 'Scuse me, but I am in Time Team. We take beautiful landmarks, and totally ruin them "while u wait". We think there is a solid gold pyramid underneath your house!

Rich Toad: Really? Then dig all you like.

Lemmy: *snicker* Fine, I'll be done in a year.

Rich Toad: By the way, isn't Time Team meant to be a TEAM? Where's the rest?

Lemmy: Would you rather they all came along with all their camera crew and everything?


By nightfall Lemmy finds a patch of earth that is glowing unusually. He lifts it up with his shovel and finds a radiant amulet. Lemmy sneaks off back to the castle. On his way back, he finds all his siblings waiting.

Wendy: We know what you've just been doing, and if you've got the amulet then you should give it to us, not King Dad!

Lemmy: Why? You know how angry he can get if we fail twice in a row!

Larry: Do you know what he's going to do with it? If he gets control then he might be overcome with power and kill us all!

Morton: (sternly) Give it to us, ok? You've always wanted us to win but we can't trust Bowser! He's a tyrant who can get mad for power.

Lemmy: Stop it! Who's side are you on? With this power in my hands, we could start fighting each other, and that could end in disaster!


Lemmy leaps out of Roy's range and runs off into a secret area known only to him. It is a lonely swamp very close to the castle which he knows the way to very well, as he frequently visits it.

Lemmy: They're all against me; I've got to stop it! I'll put the amulet on myself.

Lemmy ties it around his neck and it starts glowing intensly.

Lemmy: The power! The power of the universe is coming to me! It's bringing me the power of a god!

Trees around him set on fire and the marshland is ripped up and thrown in all directions.

Lemmy: NO! Something's wrong, too much energy!

Suddenly Lemmy is turned into a crystal statue. A shockwave is sent cruising all over the Mushroom Kingdom and wakes up all the residents.

Mario: What's-a going on?

Mario leaps to his feet and sets off to where he heard an explosion. Meanwhile, the rest of the Koopa family follow the sound to wear Lemmy is.

Bowser: What? Lemmy's a statue!

Wendy: Made of such pretty emerald...

Larry: Maybe he'll model clothes in a shop wndow!

Mario: What's that statue doing here?

Mario runs to the statue and prods it. Lemmy comes to life and tries to strangle Mario.

Bowser: Lemmy! You got the amulet! Now give it here, to me!

Lemmy: Stupid creature! I am more powerful than you can imagine! Why should I follow you anymore?

Lemmy conjures up a hammer and smashes the Koopas away.

Mario: He's turning himself into a giant... This is getting worse all the time!

Lemmy: I don't need minions anymore, I don't need land or my family or these pathetic wands! I am the force!

Suddenly Lemmy dissappears and Mario is left falling to the ground. He is left unconcious until the next day.


As the sun rises, Mario can see a huge figure of Lemmy picking it up and eating half of it. He looks around. The kingdom is a wasteland.

Mario: What's happening, Lemmy?

Lemmy: While you were asleep, I changed the past, so you are sitting in a world that you never existed in!

Mario: So where am I now?

The area he is sitting in is a huge metropolis full of Koopas without a Toad in sight.

Lemmy: This is what the whole of the Mushroom Kingdom looks like!

Mario tries to run away but Lemmy teleports in front of him. Mario goes straight through him and appears in another area.

Dummy of Lemmy: Oh no, he's useless!

Mario is on the floor backstage of a theater.

Dummy: Call yourself an actor? You're the worst Mario we've ever had on this show!

Mario: Actor? I'm no actor.

Dummy: You're telling me! Just listen to the crowd!

Hundreds of Lemmys are booing and throwing garbage at Mario. Mario then finds himself on a pirate ship as Peter Pan, with Lemmy as Captain Hook.

Mario: Change reality any way you-a like, Lemmy!

Now Mario is in a court with a jury full of Lemmys.

Mario: Whatever you do, I'll still-a fight you!

Mario appears in the ocean as a red fish, nearby a bigger fish with rainbow fins.

Mario: Because-a no matter how ridiculous the situation, I'll never give up, Lemmy!

Mario finds himself in a graveyard as a vampire slayer, with Lemmy a vampire.


Mario returns to reality.

Lemmy: Tell you what, Mario. If you surrender now I'll make things easy for you. I'll make you my pesonal slave!

Mario: No! You must realize I'll-a win eventually. Sure, all this weirdness is-a giving me a hard time, but so what? In the past all of the Koopa minions didn't even slow me down!

Lemmy: So you like the good old days? You think if you only had your old foes, then you would win easily...

Lemmy conjures up a lifeform by lifting spirits from the earth below.

Lemmy: So let's see how you deal with this!

The mist reveals Bowser at his strongest.

Mario: Is that the best you can come up with?

Lemmy transforms Bowser into a mechanical form of Giga Bowser.

Mario: I've been in worse spots than this...

Lemmy: I don't think you understand my power yet; anything I can imagine can be made into reality!

Mario: You never did have-a much imagination...


Mario is getting thoroughly battered by the metal Gigia Bowser, and is too exhaused to defend against him for much longer.

Mario: Even with all your power, you're-a still too scared to fight me on your own.

Lemmy: Fine, I'll let you have your faithful Luigi with you.

Mario: Luigi, help me!

Luigi comes up to Mario and starts attacking him as well.

Lemmy: Oh, I'm sorry, I accidentally sent a Duplighost to help! My mistake...

The Duplighost transforms into another metal Giga Bowser and they beat Mario until he is unconscious.


Mario feels himself falling and spinning until he hits solid ground. He wakes up and finds himself in Sarasaland. He sees many posters on the rotting city walls promoting Tatanga's reign.

Lemmy: See, I can change anything I like!

Mario: Except your hairstyle, unfortunately..

Tatanga comes up from behind and blasts Mario in the back of his head.

Tatanga: Show some respect! Lemmy let me rule this land because he had so much pity on me.

Lemmy: Get it, Mario? Without your heroic deeds, you can say goodbye to your precious Daisy!

Mario tries to leap on Tatanga's ship but trips when trying to jump.

Lemmy: I took away your powers just because I can!

Tatanga's minions grab Mario and start beating him up.

Tatanga: (This land is too puny for someone like me... I could somehow steal Lemmy's power and rule the universe myself!)

Lemmy: WHAT?

Tatanga: Darn it! The gods hear everything...

Lemmy transforms Tatanga and all of his troops and Tatanga into stone. Mario frees himself from the grip of a stone trooper.

Mario: You can't trust anyone these days, can you?

Lemmy: Brave words, but I will break your spirit! Then as you beg for mercy, I'll destroy you forever!

Mario: All that power and you're still-a so scared of losing that you took away my special abilities!

Lemmy: Fine, you'll get your abilities back, for all the good it will do you!

Mario notices that Lemmy had been wearing an amulet around his neck the whole time. He plans his attack to destroy it as soon as possible but tries not to let Lemmy hear his thoughts. Lemmy shrinks back to his normal size, thinking of ways to humiliate Mario. Mario leaps over Lemmy, gets close behind him, and when Lemmy turns around, Mario smashes the amulet with a punch using all his might.

Lemmy: WHAT? I let my guard down!

The glow around Lemmy disappears and the world around them dissolves and returns to the way it was before, erasing all that had happened. Mario is warped back to his house and Lemmy is warped back to the library. The broken amulet around Lemmy's neck turns to dust and so does all records of it in the library. As far as anyone knows, it never existed.

Mario: Luigi, you'll-a never believe what happened!

Luigi: If it involves one of your dream-related fantasies, then I'm not interested.

Mario: (So I defeat an enemy so powerful that he could kill me and Plit with a thought... but what's the point if nobody remembers it?)

The End

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