Chapter 5: Wild Goose
That night, in Titaniboo's hideout, ten of the Boos that were part of Boolosus had arrived with the princess and Gadd, both of them tied and gagged.
"Very good," Titaniboo said. "And did anybody see you?"
"No, they probably think it's that idiot Bowser that we captured for you that took her," explained Boolosus. "He's notorius for taking this one."
The rest of Boolosus came in and held up Bowser, who was still stuck in the Clown Copter.
"And tell me, why exactly did you kidnap me?" asked Bowser. "If you don't answer me, then I swear, you'll never live to see another day!"
"Quiet you fool!" Titaniboo shouted. "Or I'll torture you beyond your worst nightmares!"
Bowser then imagined playing as himself in Super Smash Bros. Melee, losing again and again at an event match, Super Mario 128 to be exact.
"I highly doubt you can do that," Bowser said. "And no one holds the King of the Koopas hostage!"
"Well then, I'll leave you and Peach alone to discuss that, then," Titaniboo said.
"Is that supposed to be your idea of torture?" Bowser asked. "Why not just leave me alone with a fly? That would at least be annoying!"
"You simple-minded fool!" Titaniboo laughed. "You have no idea what I meant, but I plan to demonstrate, not explain."
Titaniboo then flew over to Peach and then the jewel on his headdress started to glow. Then, a rainbow-colored bolt of lightning struck Peach and blinded everyone in the room except Titaniboo. When everyone could see again, there were two Peaches, each looking exactly the same."
Time to have some fun before I give her to my wife, thought Titaniboo. I'll let her dark half torture Bowser, then I'll reform them and give her to my wife!
Titaniboo untied one of the Peaches, and ungagged her. "From what Boolosus says, you seem to have a grudge against this Bowser," Titaniboo explained to the one he untied. "You have one hour to do whatever you want to him, perhaps even turn him into a Boo. In the meantime, let's make things more fun!"
Titaniboo laughed as Bowser's Clown Copter disappeared and Bowser was suddenly hanging from the roof with chains around his ankles. Furthermore, Dark Peach had a strange stick in her hand.
Dark Peach turned to Titaniboo and shouted, "Am I supposed to be grateful or something? I know exactly where this place is, and I know only one reason why anyone would bring me here!"
"You!" shouted Titaniboo. "I'm doing you a favor, something I rarely do for anyone! If you really think that you can fight me, then go ahead, you'll be dead before you can even blink!"
"You want to ressurect the Shadow Queen, probably thinking that she'll be your slave when you do, don't you?"
"What kind of idiot would think that?' Titaniboo asked. "My wife barely listens to me!"
"Oh, so that's it," Dark Peach laughed. "In that case, I think we can come to an agreement."
"You are in no position to barter, and you're really making me think about reversing Bowser's predicament!"
"Just let me talk. You see, the Shadow Queen only needs one body, and if she wants me, then she can have that pathetic fool that keeps getting me captured by that idiotic Koopa over there!"
"And what do I do with you then?" Titaniboo said, intentionally making sure he showed that he was suspicous of her.
"Simple, you let me get rid of that idiot, Mario, for you. It would be simple, I just pretend to be captured at Bowser's castle, and then when he 'rescues' me, I kill him. All I ask in return for this is that you give me enough power to control an army."
"I have no fear of Mario, or the Quadramashers!" Titaniboo said. "And besides, why would I waste an army on helping one of my prisoners?"
"I like the idea," said the Shadow Queen from inside her tomb. "Besides, I've been wanting to get revenge on this Mario as well!"
"Why didn't you tell me before I told my troops to leave him alone?! You should know that there are four ways I treat people: I turn them into my slaves, let them live with a curse, torture them potentially, or destroy them completely!"
"Hey! That's why everyone is ignoring me!" Bowser shouted. "You put a curse on me so that everyone would forget I exist!"
"No, actually, I didn't need a curse to get some laughs from you," Titaniboo explained. "It's more fun watching your puny little mind try to figure out what my plan is!"
"Well, are you going to let me out of here or what?" asked the Shadow Queen. "And make it quick, Boolosus!"
"Yes, Mistress!" Boolosus said as he took Gadd and Light Peach and flew towards the Shadow Queen's prison.
"Have fun, kids!" Titaniboo said as he flew towards his wife, laughing hysterically all the while.
When they got down there, the Shadow Queen took Light Peach's body and then explained what had happened in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.
"You were defeated by a plumber?" Titaniboo laughed. "Ha! That is too rich! Seriously, you've got to find someone more loyal then those Shadow Sirens, I told you that Vivian never really seemed evil."
"Well then, let's see if you fare any better," the Shadow Queen mocked.
"There will be no need for that," said Dark Peach as she entered the room. "I'll do the job quickly and swiftly."
"Fine then," said the Shadow Queen. "This could be interesting, as well as fun. If he dies, I win, and if you die, that's one less person I have to worry about. Take this." The Shadow Queen took a strange black and purple necklace off of one of the walls and threw it to Dark Peach.
"You're just going to give her the necklace of your second in command?" Titaniboo said. "You are the most fickle sorceress I've ever known."
"We're playing with Mario's head, torturing his mind," explained the Shadow Queen. "I would expect you of all ghosts to understand that concept."
"Fine! But what do I do with Bowser now?" Titaniboo said. "He's no fun if he's not being tortured!"
"Why not put him in your brother's prison?" the Shadow Queen asked. "That should create some havoc."
Dark Peach put on the necklace and left
quietly, leaving the two love birds to bicker. Boolosus did the same, being
careful not to be seen running away.
The following morning, the four plumbers were sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor of the dusty temple. Suddenly, Luigi was awoken by his GBH.
"Five more minute, Mommy," said Luigi, who wasn't even half awake. "I don't want to go to school."
"*Krzzz* -ter Mario! Mast- *krzzz* -uigi!" said Toadsworth through the static. "Master Mario? Master Luigi? Can anyone hear me? How does one work this contraption?"
Luigi woke up screaming, which woke everyone up except Waluigi. He heard the GBH and then answered it to see Toadsworth banging on the camera lens. "What is it, Toadsworth?" Luigi asked, still groggy.
"Master Mario! Master Luigi! Can you hear me? Anyone? Please answer, somebody!!!" shouted Toadsworth. Luigi saw a Toad walk up to Toadsworth and tap him on the back. "Yes? What is it, my good man?" Toadsworth asked.
"You know, things might go a lot smoother if you turned on the speakers," said the Toad.
"You have to turn the speakers on separately?" Toadsworth asked in a perplexed manner.
"Here, stand back and watch the master at work," said the mysterious Toad. He pulled up to the computer, and stormed away at the keyboard. In a few seconds, the static had disappeared, the picture was clearer on both ends, and, of course, he turned on the speakers.
"That should do it!" said the Toad. "Just don't yell into the microphone anymore, okay?"
"Thank you, fine sir," said Toadsworth. "I don't believe I got your name."
"Gil Bates," answered the Toad as he left. "E. Gadd recently hired me as a lab assistant."
"Well, thank you very much, Master Gil," Toadsworth repied. "I've never really been much good with these machines and whatnot."
"Really? Never would have guessed that," Gil said sarcastically. "Don't forget to tell them about Professor Gadd."
"What happened to the professor?" Luigi asked, concerned.
"It's horrible, terrible!" Toadsworth screamed.
"Is he being paranoid again?" asked Mario, who had been listening in on the conversation since Luigi woke him up.
"I'm not sure," said Luigi. "I hope that's all it is, though."
"It must be Bowser!" shouted Toadsworth. "Who else would do it?"
"Is the princess missing again?" asked Mario.
"Yes!" yelled Toadsworth. "And so is Professor Elvin Gadd!"
"Egads! Professor E. Gadd is missing?" shouted Luigi. "Looks like Bowser's gotten a little bit smarter."
"What's all the fuss about?" Wario asked. "I'm trying to sleep, sewage head!"
Waluigi, suprisingly, had slept through all the noise. When Wario saw this, he said, "If I can't sleep, no one can!"
He tried to kick Waluigi, but just tripped over Waluigi's Quadramasher instead. Wario got back up and then ground pounded over Waluigi. Waluigi, however, was tossing and turning a lot, and rolled out of the way. Wario then took his Quadramasher and swung for Waluigi's head. Waluigi grabbed Wario leg and cuddled it like a teddy bear, tripping Wario and making him drop his Quadramasher.
"Maybe we should let him sleep," whispered Luigi. "After all, what harm can it do? It's not like we'll need him to help us rescue the princess. we can do that by ourselves!"
Waluigi then woke up and shouted, "Hey! Greenbean, keep it down! I'm a light sleeper!"
Waluigi then saw Wario's leg and shoved it aside.
"Let's get going, Luigi!" Mario said. "Bowser's castle should be just a little ways away from here."
"I'm afraid that going to Bowser's castle is out of the question," said Red.
"Yes, we have too little time as it is!" Green agreed.
"This will only take a day," Mario argued. "Besides, you can take Wario and Waluigi to one of their temples."
"We told you before," Yellow started, "all four of you must be present for the trials to commence!"
"We only have four days left, and if you go now, we won't have enough time to do this!" Purple added. "We don't even have enough time as it is!"
"Bowser's castle is to the north, the same direction as one of the temples, correct?" Mario asked.
"Yes, the Fire Temple, right under an active volcano," Red explained. "Or, at least it was active last I checked; a lot can happen in a thousand years!"
"Then at least let us stop by the castle on the way there, please," Mario asked. "I can't just leave the princess in Bowser's hands, and besides, we can combat the ghosts much more efficiently if we have the professor to help us."
"But we can't waste any-" started Green.
"There's no way to talk him out of it," explained Luigi. "If the princess gets kidnapped, he always rescues her, and there is no way to talk him out of it, no matter how dangerous it is. Believe me, I've tried it before."
"Fine, but we're leaving now," Yellow sighed.
"Let's get going," Purple said. "I have
a feeling this is going to be a long day."
Since this story is a race against time,
from now on I will give the time of day before each section.
11:00 AM; Bowser's Castle
The group of heroes saw the castle, built right on top of the ruins that Titaniboo had made the day before.
"Is it just me, or does he rebuild his castle faster each time it's destroyed?" Luigi asked.
"No, I seem to have noticed that too, but he's really outdone himself this time," Mario agreed. "He must have teamed up with Titaniboo or something, there's no way that Bowser could have rebuilt it that fast after losing so many troops."
The main door simply opened. "A trap," the eight of them sighed.
"Let's get this over with," Luigi said. "I really wish that Bowser would come up with something more original. It gets kind of boring having to fight him again and again for the same reason every time."
The four Podoboos lit up the castle, which was otherwise devoid of light. The castle was very simple, a large room with a spiral staircase in the center of the room leading upwards.
They went up a long ways, about ten stories up, until there were two doors. One led up further, and the other let them out on that floor. The one that led up was locked, but they could hear someone banging on it from the other side, as if someone was trying to escape.
"We'll go ahead and scout the floors above," said Red.
"Will you four be all right?" Green asked.
"You don't usually get along so well," added Yellow.
"We'll be fine," said Mario. "It's one of Bowser's traps, how hard can it be to thwart?"
"Just don't start trying to thwart each other, okay?" asked Purple.
Inside, they found Bowser Jr. with his paintbrush, and an army of Boos behind him.
"Mario! Papa and me don't like you! Why did you come here?" Junior asked. "You not going to win this time!"
With that, the Boos attacked everyone, while Junior went straight for Mario.
"You three hold them off, I'll get Junior," Mario said.
"Easy for you to say!" shouted Waluigi.
Everyone got out their Poltergusts and started to combat the flying menaces. Mario, despite his efforts, could not escape from the onslaught of Boos. He pulled out his Poltergust and joined the others in fighting them. The Boos fell like rain drops, yet there seemed to be no end to the onslaught in sight.
"How many of them can there be?" Waluigi asked.
"I don't know, and I don't care, as long as they don't harm my beautiful face!" shouted Wario.
"Take this, sewer cleaner man!" shouted Junior as he shot globs of paint at Mario. Mario, unable to see where they were coming from, wasn't able to dodge. The globs didn't hurt him; instead, they made it so Mario couldn't move his feet at all. Junior saw that the others couldn't move either, although he didn't understand why. He then signaled the Boos to leave so he could finish the job.
Junior walked up to Mario and tried to breath fire at his hat, but all that came out was smoke. He then resorted to using the paintbrush in an attempt to knock Mario unconscious. Luigi then got an idea.
"I sure hope this works," said the green clad hero as he got out his Quadramasher and held it up high. Luigi found that this was hard to do since he could feel the brush hitting Mario just as well as Mario could. Luigi ignored the pain, and slammed the hammer down as hard as he could. The whole castle shook with a loud roar, releasing the four of them and making Junior lose his balance.
Mario then picked up Junior by the tail, and then held his hand out. "Where's the key?" Mario asked in his normal voice. "Come on, we know you have it."
Junior handed the key to Mario, and then ran away crying.
Mario unlocked the door and the pounding stopped. Then, when he opened the door, they saw Bowser at the other end. Bowser simply turned around and ran the other way. Mario shrugged and went up the stairs. As it turned out, the stairs led to the roof. When they reached the top, they saw Bowser turn around again and run back towards them. When he saw them, he just stopped and then looked over his shoulder, and then back to Mario. Although they couldn't see around him, they could all tell that something was bothering Bowser.
"I cannot believe it's come down to this!" Bowser said. "I never thought I'd be saying this, but Mario, you've got to save me from the princess!"
The four of them didn't bother to laugh. They thought it was some sort of trap. Mario took out the Quadramasher and ran towards Bowser. Bowser, realizing that he had no way out, ran over to the edge of the roof and jumped off. (Don't worry, anyone, he's survived falls from much higher then that.)
They came out of the protrusion and onto the roof. When they got there, they saw Peach tied up and the Podoboos in a glass cage.
Mario rushed over to untie Peach. "Peach, are you okay?" Mario asked. "Did Bowser hurt you?"
When Mario was finished, Peach laughed evilly and said, "Him, hurt me? That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard! He wouldn't stand a chance against me!"
"Why did the princess just laugh in an evil manner?" Luigi asked.
"Because, you fool! I am her dark half!" she shouted as she grabbed Mario's Quadramasher and threw it off the roof, "I let Titaniboo have that pathetic wimp that never lets me have any fun and give her to his wife!"
"And here I thought that only a mother could love a face like that," Wario said.
"If you really must know, it's the Shadow Queen." Dark Peach laughed. "Not that you'll live to see her in my other half."
"Go!" shouted Mario. "This one's personal!"
"But Mario, we can take her; it's four against one!" Waluigi argued. "This will be easy!"
"I said it's personal!" Mario re-emphasised.
"And that's all the more reason to watch!" said Wario, who Mario would have thrown his Quadramasher at if he had it with him.
"As much as I hate to admit it, Waluigi is right," said Luigi. "There's safety in numbers. We're not leaving and that's final!"
"As hilarious as it is to watch you four bicker, I've only one intention," said Dark Peach, "and that's to make sure that you don't interfere with anything!"
Dark Peach then jumped up and kicked off Mario's hat. Mario, not one to go without his trademark, rolled over to his hat and picked it up. Dark Peach then put on the necklace that the Shadow Queen gave her. The sky turned dark, despite the fact that it was daytime. Although it looked normal, everyone could feel the evil coming from the necklace. Dark Peach then shot out a bolt of black lightning at Mario, knocking him to the ground. Luigi then tried the Hammer Quake again, but with no luck, Dark Peach was floating above the ground. Wario, being a bit more direct, threw his Quadramasher at Dark Peach and knocked her to the ground. However, she recovered immediately and then threw the Quadramasher back at Wario. She then picked up Mario by the throat and held him over the edge of the castle.
"With you gone, the joy in my other half will be gone, and I can take control whenever I like," she taunted. "Not that I understand why she's always liked you, but this will be the end of it!"
Just as she was about to let go, Wario dragged her back and then shouted, "If anyone's gonna kill Mario, it's gonna be ME! You got that, Princess?"
Dark Peach slapped Wario, but thanks to the necklace, it felt like she had a bowling ball for a hand. Wario was knocked back, but at least Mario was free.
"I never thought I'd be saying this, but we have no choice!" Mario said.
"Are you serious? You're going to do what you know I've wanted to do the whole time?" Luigi asked.
"What's that?" asked Wario and Waluigi in unison.
"Retreat," Mario said sorrowfully.
"Don't we need the Podoboos, though?" asked Waluigi.
"It's taken care of," said Wario, holding up the glass cage.
The four of them ran out of the castle
as fast as they could. Mario, knowing that they wouldn't have another chance,
grabbed his Quadramasher once they got outside.
3:13 PM; Ten miles due north of Bowser's castle
The area was an open field. Wario was still carrying the cage over his head, and the Podoboos hadn't said anything.
"I can't believe we lost!" shouted Mario, "I shouldn't have been so careless!"
"It isn't your fault, Bro," Luigi said. "If they had done the same thing to Daisy, I know I would have fallen for it!"
"What ever happened to Princess Eclair?" Mario asked./ "When I was getting the Crystal Stars, she was all you would talk about!"
"That's before I saw her," said Luigi. "She's six years old!"
"Hey, why don't we stop and let the Podoboos out?" Waluigi suggested. "We can't get very far without their help."
Wario, without saying anything to show he agreed, slammed the cage down as hard as he could. The cage just bounced once, and then went still on the ground. Wario pulled out his Quadramasher and slammed it into the cage, releasing the Podoboos.
"Wow, you finnally used it without hurting yourself," Red said to Wario.
"It's getting late. Even if we do make it to the Fire Temple by sundown, there's no way we'll make it back to the Temple of Unity in time!" complained Green.
"The Boos will swarm all over us during the night," Yellow added.
"We have no choice though," Purple said. "As much as I agree with you three, we have no choice."
"Right," said Red. "Follow me, everyone, and beware, the path to the temple is some what unstable, and I don't recommend that you go there without knowing how to treat a third degree burn."
"I'm a doctor, I'll be fine," Mario
said sternly. "Let's go, there's no way I'm going to let Titaniboo get
away with this!"
2:55 PM; Palace of Shadows, Throne Room
"I'm back," Dark Peach said as she teleported into the room.
"Did you finish them off?" asked Titaniboo. "Or do I need to do this myself?"
"The answer to both of your questions are no," Dark Peach said. "However, I did force them into a retreat. I think that I should mention that no one has ever been able to do that to Mario before."
"Lieing is not advised if you wish to stay favorable to us," the Shadow Queen said. "You know as well as we do that you're not the first he's run away from, nor are you the strongest that he has faced."
"Besides, you failed in your task," said Titaniboo. "For that we should destroy you on the spot!"
"What do you mean? I won the battle!" Dark Peach yelled, and then calmed down and continued. "Besides, I'm the best weapon you have against him; I can mess with his head much moire than any of your other servants could ever do harm to him, physically or mentally. Besides, if you destroy me, you destroy your wife's new body."
"I never cursed you!" Titaniboo shouted. "What are you talking about?"
"You forget that her body is that of my other half," said Dark Peach. "Without chaos, order cannot exist, and I am the chaos in her mind, she is the order. Destroy one of us, you destroy the other."
"She could always get a new one," Titaniboo said. "There are plenty of other bodies out there that she could use."
"I just so happen to like this body," said the Shadow Queen to Titaniboo, and then turned to Dark Peach. "However, if you fail again, my husband will put you back with your other half and then you'll be as helpless as she is!"
"Don't worry, I know where the statue for the purple Quadramasher is. "And besides, I've been wanting to see someone there anyway."
"They aren't after the Water Temple right now!" shouted Titaniboo. "This is your last chance! Fail me again, and you'll regret it, more so then your other half."
"Fail you?" the Shadow Queen said. "I'm the one who wants Mario in the grave, you just wanted to play a prank on him!"
"I'll go now," said Dark Peach. "But don't think that your threats frighten me."