Chapter 8: Old Friends
"So how do we fight this thing?" Luigi asked.
"We just hit the Spritelings trapped in the crystals into him," Wario said. "Easy as knocking the stuffing out of my Mario punching bags!"
"You care to repeat that?" Mario asked.
"Sure: Easy as knocking the stuffing out of my Mario punching bags!'" Wario echoed.
"After all of this is over, so are you!" Mario said with a glare in his eye directed towards Wario. "And where are these 'Spritelings' that you're reffering to?"
"They should be circled around the jewel. And why does he get such a cool name?" Wario asked.
"Please say you're not refering to the Ancient Black Jewel of Greed!" Mario sighed. "That's the dumbest name I've ever heard!"
"I'd love to have people say that Greed is my last name!" Wario said.
"You've got to be kidding me," Mario sighed. "We'll just have to find another way to beat him. Or maybe that's a she. Does that thing even have a gender?"
"Now he asks," Purple complained.
"Let's see how this thing holds up against a Quadramasher!" Mario said.
"Bros. Attack! Diamond Crusher!" Waluigi shouted as Wario hammered him into the ground.
Wario then jumped on top of Waluigi, who sprung up and pushed Wario high into the air. Wario positioned himself over the Black Jewel and but on some diamond-plated shorts. He then performed the ground pound, but missed as the Black Jewel quickly moved out of the way. The jewel then tried using his tentacles to grab and squeeze Wario. However, Waluigi threw his hammer into the air, and hit the Ancient Black Jewel of Greed's eye. The monster flinched as its attack missed Wario. All of a sudden, a ball hit the Black Jewel and bounced back to Luigi, who hit it back at the Black Jewel. This process repeated ten times.
"We're really rusty with that one," Luigi said.
"I agree," said Mario. "We used to be able to do twice that many hits without even breaking a sweat!"
"At least we know we can phase it, and that means we're hurting at, at least a little bit," Mario said.
"This will take forever, though!" Waluigi complained.
"I've got a faster way," Red said.
"First you four need to fly over it at the same time," Green explained.
"Then turn into statues at the exact same time," Yellow continued.
"The force should be enough to crack him," Purple concluded.
They did as the Podoboos said, and it did, indeed, crack the Ancient Black Jewel of Greed. However, the jewel still continued to attack them, this time grabbing all four of them with its tentacles.
Who are these three guys? the Black Jewel thought. And how did I get here?
"Let go of them!" Red shouted as he and the rest of the Podoboos touched the beast's tentacles, setting them ablaze.
The Ancient Black Jewel of Greed let go of the four of them and burried his tentacles in the cool dirt, then looked at the half of his tentacles that had third degree burns.
That's it! thought the Jewel. You're dead, Yellow Pig!
"Do you ever wonder if the enemies that can't talk to us are capable of intelligent thought?" Luigi asked. "Do you think they fight us because of instinct, or perhaps they can understand everything we say... Who knows?"
"Time for me to see what the statue does for me!" Wario shouted as he pounded his Quadramasher on the ground. "Hey, how come nothing happened?"
"You still need to place it in the Temple of Unity!" Green reminded him.
The Ancient Black Jewel of Greed shot a laser out of its eye at Wario. It hit, injuring all of them.
"Luigi, help me keep this thing busy," Mario said. "Wario, Waluigi, try your Diamond Smash again!"
Why are these bumbling idiots forewarning me of their attacks? the Black Jewel asked himself. Do they really think that I need ears to hear? If that were true, then Goombas, Koopas, Paratroopas, Lakitus, Piranha Plants, Spinies, Bulllet Bills, Buzzy Beetles, Hammer Bros, or even Bowser wouldn't be able to hear anything they say!
Wario was just putting on his diamond shorts when the Black Jewel whacked him to the ground.
"Let's try doing something my way!" Wario said as he climbed up a tree, and then jumped on top of the Black Jewel and started banging away with the Quadramasher. To everyone's suprise, it worked, shattering the Ancient Black Jewel of Greed once and for all (I hope).
"Glad that's over with!" Wario said,
"Now, let's hurry up and find that last temple!"
1:37 PM; ???
"Sir! The moon is approaching the point of the eclipse! Our covert-operative indicates that the enemy known as Titaniboo will destroy all if the Solar Eclipse isn't averted." said a strange figure. "Your orders, Commander?"
"I hate to say this, but we have no choice! We must ensure the Mario Bros. and their rivals survive at all costs!" said a scratchy voice with a sigh. "And besides, no way I'm letting someone that's dead succeed where I have failed! Tell the fleet to move in and protect those four at all costs!"
"Sir, yes sir!" said the strange figure. "Do you wish me to tell the fleets to defend them from above?"
"No, Private," said the leader of the two. "We need them to land and have the whole crew help to slow down this flying!"
"I don't mean to question your authority, sir, but is that possible?" the first one asked in a worried voice. "Can the moon be slowed down?"
"Just follow my orders, and we will succeed, or my name isn't the Master of Planetery Sieges!" the second said. "I'll take my ship and assist the plumbers and the thieves directly. You oversee the construction of the penumbra engine!"
"Understood, and good luck, sir!" the lower of the two said. (Can anyone guess who the Master of Planetary Sieges is? It is a Mario character.)
4:52 PM; Exit of warp pipe leading to Kongo Jungle
"Why don't we visit DK more often?" Luigi asked as he saw the vast jungle of DK island. "He is pretty intelligent, for a monkey, anyway."
"He's an ape," Mario said. "And as for your question, you remember the past I have with Cranky, don't you?"
"So he gave you some competition for your girlfriend, big deal," Luigi joked.
"He kidnapped her, made me run through the city, a jungle, onto an antique ship, up a pyramid, onto an airplane, through a jungle, over an iceberg, through a valley, and up his tower... Now tell me, would you rather be the one to have done that?"
"So why are we here?" Waluigi asked. "I thought all the temples were in the Mushroom Kingdom."
"Technically, DK Island is part of the Mushroom Kingdom," Gil said over the GBH. "It's simply considered a nature reserve."
"Then why is Cranky allowed to have a lab on the island?" Mario complained. "He should be arrested and considered a dangerous criminal."
"Actually, so long as he is a part of the wildlife, we can't do anything to stop him without violating the terms of the preserve ourselves," Waluigi explained.
"How did you know that?" Luigi asked.
"To know how to break the law, you first must know how to avoid the law," Waluigi explained, "and to know how to avoid it, you have to know all about it."
"So you're saying you know plenty of legal technicalities that you can use to make it look like you're not really breaking the law at all?" Mario asked.
"Yeah, that's about it," Waluigi agreed.
"So how come you always end up running away when we try to catch you two?" Luigi asked.
"Because blubber for brains here always does something that I can't figure a way out of," Waluigi explained. "With him around, we might as well be charged for murder!"
"Hey, look!" said a high -itched voice from the trees, "DK! It's Mario and Luigi! And those two that sabotaged our kart in the Double Dash Grand Prix!"
"Hey, you're right, little buddy!" said DK as he dropped down from the trees. "What brings you four to the Kongo Jungle?"
"Hello everyone, remember me?" asked Diddy as he landed to the right of DK. "Didn't expect to see you four again so soon!"
"Is cranky here?" Mario whispered to DK. "I don't mean to insult your family, but I really need to get somewhere fast. You two know how much he can, well..."
"Slow an adventure to a grinding halt?" DK asked. "Just don't go towards the treehouse and you'll be fine. So what is this adventure you're on?"
"Well, we have until tomorrow to find four statues of power to give these hammers the strength they need to reimprison a ten-millenia-old Boo before the solar eclipse," Luigi explained, "or else face the complete and total destruction of the entire world."
"Well, how many of these statues have you got?" DK asked.
"Three," Wario said, "and the last one is supposed to be here on this island."
"Not exactly," Purple said. "The entrance to the temple is underwater. This island is simply near the coral reef that makes up the temple."
"A whole temple made of coral reef?" Mario said in shock. "How does it keep the water out?"
"It's a mystical temple, it defies logic," Red replied.
"Okay... That's reassuring," Luigi sighed. "Swimming I don't mind, diving I don't mind, swimming to an underwater cave is fine with me too, so long as there's breathable air in the cave. However, I've always had a slight fear of places that defy logic."
"So that's why you kept breathing so heavily when we were on that rainbow path," Mario said. "I can't believe that after being my brother for your whole life, you just now are telling me this."
"I thought it was kind of obvious the first time that we went to Sky Land," Luigi said. "I was breathing so heavily that you could have mistaken me for an industrial fan!"
"So, any idea where this coral reef might be?" Mario asked DK.
"There are plenty of coral reefs in the oceans surrounding the island," DK said. "You could spend weeks searching for something in there!"
"Weeks?" Wario echoed.
"Yeah, like the time you and I were playing water polo with the Crystal Coconut and we dropped it into the ocean and spent a month looking for it?" Diddy asked.
"Yeah, Cranky waasn't too happy about that," DK laughed.
"Please don't mention him," Mario said.
"He's my father; what do you expect me to do, pretend he doesn't exist?" DK replied.
"Actually, that would be nice," Mario joked.
"So where are these coral reefs?" Wario asked again.
"Weren't you listening to anything we said?" Diddy asked. "The coral reefs surround the whole island... Well, actually, there is a small part of the island where K. Rool tried dumping toxic waste in as an attempt to slowly destroy the ecology where the coral hasn't grown back yet; but other then that, the whole island is surrounded by them."
"Well, they must be south of here, my village was on an island," Purple said. "I used to swim through the coral reefs all the time, hard to believe that they still exist after so long."
"DK, Diddy! Where are you two whippersnappers at?" Cranky asked from afar.
"Thanks, DK, we'll be going now," Mario whispered as he quietly walked away. After a few steps, he bumped into Cranky.
"You again?" Cranky said. "Why don't you watch where you're going, youngin'?"
"So this is the gorilla that you mistook for King Kong?" Luigi asked. "Are you sure he could even pick up Paulina?"
"Why are you here, anyway?" Cranky complained. "You have no business on this island anyway!"
"You might want to watch what you say," Mario said. "Although we're the same age, you would do well to remember that we humans don't get into old age as fast as you hair-brained monkeys!"
"Actually," Cranky laughed, "none of us here are monkeys. Junior and I are gorillas, while Diddy is a chimpanzee!"
"Please don't call me that," DK said. "It brings back memories of the cage!"
"The cage?" Wario echoed.
"When I was in the tower, I resorted to trapping DK in a cage so that I could stop DK," Mario said.
"What?" Wario said as he scratched his head. "That made no sense."
"DK here is named after his father, who is nicknamed Cranky," Mario said. "At the time I fought him, he was the alpha male of the Kongs and therefore the one that gets to be called 'DK'. Also, at that time, DK here was much too young to be able to lead his family, as he was only a few months old. At that time he was known as DK Junior."
"Please stop talking about that!" DK said.
"Sorry," Mario apologized. "We'd better get going now, nice seeing the both of you again."
"What about Diddy?" Cranky asked. "Don't tell me you didn't see him standing right by DK."
"I was talking to DK and Diddy," Mario sighed.
"We really should get going, it's already nearing sunset," Purple said. "And besides, this argument seems rather pointless."
"It is," Luigi, Diddy, and DK all said at once.
"They've been arguing about it for years," Luigi said.
"Every time they see each other!" DK agreed.
Luigi and the Wario Bros. followed Purple, and Mario soon left as well.
When they reached the ocean, everyone got ready to dive.
"Is it okay if I sit this one out?" Red asked. "I've always been afraid of water, and besides, we have no idea what it might do to us now that we're Podoboos!"
"Only one way to find out," Green said.
"Hey, water is Purple's department, and besides, ladies first!" Yellow said.
"I'm a Podoboo too, you know, but it would be a shame if I could never go in the water again," Purple said.
"You, never go in water again?" Red laughed.
"You were in the water every chance you got," Green said.
"There were plenty of fish that had less experience swimming then you did!" Yellow added. "You might as well have been a dolphin!"
"Okay, fine, I'll check," Purple said as she dove into the water. "See? Nothing bad happened."
Green and Yellow continued into the water, although Red hesitated.
"We can't go inside the temple anyway," Red reminded them, "so there's no need for any of us four to go other then Purple."
"Come on, it's only water," Green said.
"You know him and his hydrophobia, it's actually a very common fear," Yellow said.
"You can stay on-guard," Mario said. "We'll be fine."
"Then we need to move fast," Purple said. "Waluigi, get your Quadramasher ready, the door is underwater and leads to a cave formed by the coral."
"Maybe we could just use these," Mario said as he pulled out four Metal Caps. "We still need to hurry, but these should help us."
They each donned a Metal Cap, and sank to the bottom.
"This way!" Purple said as she swam over to a huge coral reef. She looked around for a few minutes, and then found what she was looking for.
Waluigi placed the Quadramasher, and they were sucked inside by a current too strong to fight, even with the Metal Caps.
5:36 PM; Water Temple, main chamber
Two doors and a huge round room. That's all that it seemed to be at first glance. The water drained and allowed the plumbers to breathe easy. Additionally, the Metal Caps had worn off.
"All I can do to help you here is tell you this," Purple said, "whichever one of you believes you are the one that will be able to stop Titaniboo, you must have him step forward."
"This is easy," Wario said as he began to go up ahead.
"Wait!" Luigi said. "Just choosing someone seems too simple, there has to be a catch."
"Aren't you supposed to tell us the name of the trial first?" Waluigi asked.
"The name will be revealed when you have completed it," Purple sighed. "I only fear that this will be the hardest trial you will face on your journey. Even Titaniboo couldn't trouble you like this. I can say no more."
"Strange, that sounds like more of a riddle then most the riddles in the Wind Temple," Waluigi commented.
"Well, I think we all agree that I'm the most important, so that means it must be me," Wario said.
"I've got an idea," Mario said, "how about you get half a brain and realize that you've been hindering us more than anything!"
"No, it's not supposed to be one of us," Luigi muttered to himself.
"How about you go, then?" Waluigi said. "You're the only one that has this legacy of being a hero."
"Hey!" Wario shouted. "You're suppposed to be on my side!"
Mario and Wario both raced for the center of the room.
"Wait!" Luigi shouted. "We aren't supposed to have one of us go on there!"
Mario and Wario both stopped. "What do you mean?" Mario asked.
"We all have to," Luigi explained. "We have to do it as a team."
"How does stepping on a tile require teamwork?" Mario asked.
"Not that, but we have to show that we can work together to stop anything that's thrown at us!" Luigi said.
"He's got a point," Waluigi agreed. "I hate to admit it, but I think he's right."
"Agreed," Mario said. "Come on, let's do this."
The four of them stepped on the tile in the middle of the room, and the door opposite the entrance opened up.
"Be right back," Waluigi said.
He walked in, grabbed the Quadramasher, and left without any trouble.
"That was rather suprising, no traps or anything," Waluigi said.
"Let's hurry up and get out of here," Purple said. "The sun will be setting soon."
6:36 PM (sunset); Water Land, warp pipe station leading to Kongo Island
"Let's hurry up and row back to the Koopahari Desert," Mario said as the four of them ran towards the shore.
"You're too late," Dark Peach said as she teleported from the shadows. "Give me the Quadramashers, and the two statues you have with you as well."
"You really think that we're just going to give them up?" Wario asked. "You're looking at the world's greediest thief, so no way!"
"Fine then, I'll just take them," Peach said as she activated the necklace.
"Why don't you just go back and merge with your intelligent half?" Mario said. "It's four against one, in case you didn't notice."
"Really? It seems like you're the ones that are outnumbered, by about a thousand to one!" She laughed as an army of Dry Bones came out of the ocean. Soon thereafter, a swarm of Boos materialized. As if that wasn't enough, Boolossus and van Gore were leading the two armies.
"Funny, seems like you're scared," Mario said. "If you are so powerful, then why do you need to overwhelm us with such numbers?"
"Do not presume to judge me, plumber!" Peach said. "You will find me more then a match for you! In fact, I sense your power has diminished since last we met."
"Mayhap, oh princess," Mario said, "or is it only that I need not flaunt my power in such an infantile test of will?"
"See, we should have signed up under his wife; her underlings actually get to keep their command so long as they don't mess up!" Boolossus said.
"Quieet, you untalenteed swine!" Vincent shouted. "Unless you weesh to fall with zee plumairs! And you deed mess up, you eediot!"
"We messed up?" Boolossus shouted. "Look who's talking! All you've done to stop them is-"
"Not now, you fools!" Peach said. "Or I will personally make sure you pay."
"What do you intend to do, kill us?" Boolossus asked.
"I'm not like you Boos, I don't do things simply for torture." Peach laughed. "I'll use this necklace to absorb every last ounce of energy you have."
Boolossus started to think of a comeback, but was interrupted by a bolt of lightning along with Luigi shouting, "Thunderhand!" Boolossus shattered into the fifteen Boos that he consisted of.
Waluigi took his Quadramasher and defended the others from the Dry Bones. Wario took out his Poltergust and started to suck up the Boos, and Mario went after van Gore. Luigi sucked up three of the Boos, and then the rest reformed.
"Don't get any ideas, Luigi," Boolossus said. "We won't lose this time! Attack!"
The normal Boos swarmed all over the place, and the plumbers couldn't even see what was happening. Again and again the Boos hit them, and within a matter of seconds, the four of them were on the floor.
"That was easy." Boolossus laughed. "And all this time we were told you four were to be feared. Any last words?"
"Is that a UFO?" Luigi asked as he looked up.
"How stupid do you think I am?" Boolossus asked. "Now, good riddance, plumbers!"
"Vait a mineet!" van Gore shouted. "I should ve zee one to destroy zee pumairs!"
"You can finish off the fat one!" Boolossus said. "We get Luigi!"
"But Luigi eez zee one I wanteed revenge on!" Vincent argued. "Beware zat you do not make me decide to destroy you in zee process!"
"That would be a laugh! You? Stop us? Not even in your dreams!" Boolossus laughed.
Just then, a beam hit van Gore, solidifying and paralyzing him.
"What was that?" Boolossus asked, only to find that another beam was about to hit him.
"Who dares?" Peach asked.
"They call me the Master of Planetary Sieges, and if anyone is going to destroy those four, it will be me," said Tatanga as he dropped from his spaceship. "But for now, I think they should go on a bit longer."
"And who are you?" Peach asked.
"General Tatanga, and I'm not about to be outdone by a Boo!" he replied as he blasted rapidly at the swarm of Boos. "I've been intercepting all the information that these two have sent to and recieved from the laboratories of Elvin Gadd, and therefore seen everything that's happened to them."
"General Tatanga... I've heard that name before," Peach pondered. "That's right! You're the one that took the whole Sarasa Kingdom hostage, aren't you?"
Tatanga didn't answer, but quickly ran towards Peach while firing his blaster at her. She carefully dodged, and then used the necklace to attack Tatanga. A hand came up from the ground and held Tatanga to the ground.
"Is that the best you planet dwellers can do?" Tatanga asked. "You're completely unprepared to fight an unknown enemy. You take only what you need to fight off what little you know about your foes, and that is why you can't defeat me! Unlike you, I came prepared for anything!"
Tatanga hit Peach from behind, which suprised everybody.
"How did you do that? I can still see you over there!" Peach said as she retaliated.
"Your inferior planet knows nothing of hologams?" Tatanga laughed. "This isn't even a warm up!"
The Dry Bones advanced on Tatanga's position, but were greeted with laser fire from his ship.
"Now, where were we?" Tatanga asked. "Yes, that's right, I was about to crush your bones!"
"This isn't over!" Dark Peach said as she sank into the shadows, Tatanga's punch going just over her head.
"Get in the ship," Tatanga said. "They're attacking your base."
"Thanks," Mario said. "You're the last one I would've expected to pull us out of that mess!"
"Hold your gratitude, planet dweller!" Tatanga said. "I'm just here to stop that ghost from succeeding where I failed."
"Shut your yap, Tatanga!" Wario shouted. "You work for me, remember?"
"I got the raw materials I needed from you," Tatanga said. "I've no further need to listen to your orders."
"What are you talking about?" Waluigi asked.
"Shut up and get in the ship!" Tatanga shouted.