Chapter One: Kidnapping Koopas and Bemused Bros?
The day started out normal in the Mushroom Kingdom: Peach was working on her garden, Luigi was hunting ghosts (his brand new career), and Toadsworth was freaking out; but Mario was doing something different- he was dressed in his best tuxedo, carrying a small box while walking over to Peach’s castle. He found her in the front garden and asked her to accompany him to the balcony.
Mario: Peach, I love you, you mean the world to me… I was going to save this until Bowser agreed to the peace treaty, but I can’t hold it any longer… Peach, will you marry me?
Peach: Mario, of course I’ll marry you! I love you more than anybody!
Mario: GREAT! I’ll go call our friends!
Peach: Wonderful, I’ll get Toadsworth and start making plans.
The two set off calling and planning… But meanwhile, on a different planet…
???: Sandy, come here!
???2: Sandy Girl, who wants a doggy bone? Bro, we’ve been looking in this swamp for an hour. We’ll nev-
???: I SEE HER! FOLLOW ME!
Sandy (obviously a dog) disappears into a giant hole, 3 feet by 4 feet and too deep to see the bottom. One jumps in after her immediately; the second thinks, then walks away to get help, but steps on a weak piece of land and falls back… right into the hole.
??? and ???2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oof…
They fell about 50 feet and onto another damp, soft spot of land.
???: Ow… Hey, where’s Sandy?
???2: Maybe she fell into that sewage pipe…
???: Why’s a pipe in- NEVER MIND, we gotta get her back!
???2: WHAT?! THAT IS A SEWAGE PIPE, I’M NOT GOING DOWN THERE!
???: Fine, stay in here for all I care! There’s no ladder!
They jump in and all goes pitch black…
Luigi: Really? Man, I feel so happy for you! When’s the wedding?
Mario: Peach said she wanted to make the plans, I’ll go ask! Will you call DK, Mallow, Geno, Goombario, Kooper, Bomb-
Luigi: I know, your friends who helped you out. But… what about Wario and Waluigi?
Mario: Well… they HAVE mellowed out to simple treasure hunters… Yeah, invite them, too. OH, and anyone else who comes to mind, call as well.
Luigi: Got it.
Mario walks to Toadworth’s room and finds it wrecked, and a near-unconscious Toadsworth on the ground.
Toadsworth: Lasers… bombs… Peach… gone… Said she had important thing to tell me… ugh…
He faints. Mario runs to the phone and tells Luigi to get the Wario Bros. and himself to the castle. Within five minutes, they are there.
Wario: Hey, Red Boy, what’s going on?
Waluigi: Yeah, Leaf-Shirt told us that you and Peach were tying the knot.
Luigi: What’s-a wrong here?
Mario: PEACH HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!
Wario, Waluigi, and Luigi: WHAT, AGAIN?
Mario: Yes I need your help.
Wario: Wait, wait, why us? I mean, Waluigi and I ain’t as mean as we used to be, but still, we’re not exactly what one would call hero material per se.
Mario: Because, whoever did this-
Luigi: MARIO, COME ON! THIS HAS BOWSER WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!
Mario: While this may be his type of crime, the method was all wrong. He only damaged a single room, didn’t try to beat me up, only harmed one bystander, and he went unrecognized; I think it wasn’t him. Besides, the technology was way to advanced for a Koopa.
Waluigi: Well, I’m in.
Waluigi: Wario, this is Mario’s happiest day. You said it yourself, we’re not so mean anymore.
Wario: Yeah, but-
Waluigi: Think of the money we’ll find! And I bet there will be a reward…
Wario: I’M IN!
With the unknowns…
???: What the? Where’s the sewer?
???2; We skipped the sewer and got to land. I’m happy.
???: Yeah, but where’s Sandy?
???2: I almost forgot we were looking for her.
???: YOU FORGOT?!
???2: Yeah. The thought of jumping into a sewer was gross enough to drive all intelligent thoughts from my mind…
???: What intelligent thoughts?
???2: Hey! Why I oughta... Hey, who’s that?
He’s pointing at Bowser.
???: Is that Al?
???2: You mean that really big guy from your school?
Chapter Two: You Mean the Cartoon Characters?
???: HEY, AL!
Bowser: Huh? GLAK! MARIO BROS! KOOPAS! ATTACK!
100 Koopas attack the two lost brothers… They fight back and miraculously get away from the minions and up to Bowser.
???: Hey, Al, nice costume.
Bowser: Wha? GROWL!
Bowser burns ???.
???: Hey, T.
???2: He isn’t Al…
T: I know.
With our four pals…
Mario: Hey, Luigi, you were right, it IS Bowser… Who were following him?
Luigi: He just sent some Koopa Troops at them, they’re not pals of his…
Waluigi: Ouch, he just burnt one…
Wario: COME ON, YOU THREE! WE HAVE TO HELP ‘EM!
They run to T. and his brother.
Luigi: Boy, Wario really likes the role of hero…
Waluigi: Nah, it’s just whenever he helps people, he gets rich somehow…
Wario: Hey, less talk, more money- er, I mean saving!
???2: Hey, you four, HELP US OUT!
Mario: That’s-a what we’re-a doing!
The four beat the 60 remaining Koopa Troops and Bowser. They take Bowser to the Mushroom Kingdom Jail and T. to the hospital, ???2 following.
T: Ow… Hey, Jerry, what happened?
Jerry (in case you don’t know, he’s ???2 and T. is ???): Well… um, that guy somehow burned you. And four guys helped us.
The Mario and Wario Bros. take the two kids to Luigi’s Mansion.
Waluigi: Hey, um, burnt kid-
Waluigi: Tom, eat this.
Tom eats a Super Mushroom and he’s okay.
Tom: Thanks, sir.
Waluigi: My name is Waluigi.
Mario: Don’t be offended, Waluigi; Wario got the same reaction from the other kid.
Luigi: Hmm… They’re humans... I GOT IT! They must be from Earth.
Mario: Yeah, but how does that help us?
Luigi: Well, they’re bros, maybe they know some Bros. Attacks.
Tom: Yeah, we do. JERRY!
Jerry: Yeah, T?
Tom: Let’s do Bro and Champ.
Jerry does a handstand and Tom picks him up by the legs and spins him around.
Tom: Uh, Jerry? I just realized, how do we stop?
Jerry: Aim for the bed.
Tom lets go while facing the bed. Jerry lands on the bed perfectly, in some kind of wrestling tackle.
Luigi: Nice! Any others?
Jerry: You bet. T, Basket Bomb!
Tom: Jerry, we’d need a Basketball.
Mario: Here’s one.
Tom hikes the basketball to Jerry, who jumps on Tom. Tom stands up and jumps up. Jerry slams the B-Ball down onto the bed, which breaks…
Luigi: MY BED!
Waluigi: NICE ONE, KIDDOS!
Wario: YOU MEAN THE CARTOON CHARACTERS?!
Tom: No, we were named after them…
Wario and Waluigi: HAR HA HAR HA HAR!
Mario: ALL OF YOU STOP! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! WE HAVE TO INTERROGATE BOWSER!
They go the police station, where Bowser’s head is in a fireproof helmet and he is chained to the wall.
Mario: YOU, KOOPA! WHERE’S PEACH?!
Bowser: Huh? Peach? I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Tom: SHADDUP, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A LIFEFORM. PEACH HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND IN A LIST OF ONE, YOU'RE SUSPECT UNO!
Wario: Wow, angry kid.
Bowser: I DIDN’T KIDNAP HER!
Mario: COME OFF IT, KOOPA CLOWN! WE ALL SAW YOU WALKING AWAY FROM PEACH’S CASTLE!
Bowser: Yes, I WAS going to kidnap her, but I heard she was kidnapped and I went home.
Wario: WAIT! MARIO, YOU SAID THAT THE KIDNAPPER USED LASERS AND BOMBS!
Mario: Long, unpleasant story.
Tom: KOOPA, YOU’LL STAY PUT! Mario, we gotta get over there!
Tom: Jerry, he might know how to get home. I want to help. Plus, we still need to find Sandy.
Tom: My dog.
Luigi: Guys, let’s get going.
Chapter Three: Fawful Not Awful?
Mario: So, Tom, how’d you get here?
Tom: Jerry and I were chasing Sandy when we jumped in a hole that led to a pipe we jumped in.
Jerry: Correction, I wanted to get help and fell in, YOU stupidly jumped in.
Mario: So, you two find Sandy?
Tom: No, we haven’t seen her since I jumped in here.
Wario: Hey, why are there fireworks?
Mario: I don’t know.
Bowser Jr, who is wearing a FLUDD, jumps near them from out of nowhere, nearly smashing Jerry.
Wario: HEY, PUNK! GET OUTTA OUR WAY!
Instead of answering, Bowser Jr. just engages the Mario and Wario Bros. in battle. Tom and Jerry just glance at each other and walk a few yards away.
Mario: HEY! WHERE-A ARE YOU TWO-A GOING?
They do Bro and Champ and KO Bowser Jr. Then his paintbrush and FLUDD start glowing, fly to Jerry and Tom respectively, and disappear.
Tom: Where’d they go?
Wario: Check your right gloves.
They do; Tom’s has an image of a waterball, while Jerry has a paintball.
Waluigi: Tom, think of water coming from your hand.
A giant waterball bursts through his hand.
Wario: Jerry, try to burst paintballs.
Jerry does so and paints everyone with multicolored gooey paint.
Jerry: … Oops.
Tom: Aw, NICE!
Tom cleans everyone up with his water. Then Mario heats them up just enough to dry them.
Luigi: Thanks, now we should get moving.
Mario: How'd you guys know how to use
Wario: Well when the Greed Gem was defeated it sent out rings of magic, and the next day I could make bombs appear in the palm of my hand!
Waluigi: And I could produce Piranha Plants.
Tom: Magic, you say? Hmmm... (If we can't return home, I think I'll learn some of that...)
They make it to Queen Bean’s castle and are astonished to see Fawful shaking hands with Prince Peasley and Queen Bean.
Mario: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
Fawful: Have the allowing of the explanation to fall to the person who is me.
Queen Bean: Wha?
Tom: He said: Allow me to explain.
Mario: Tom… How did you…?
Tom: I understand languages better than most people. He’s using a mix of Spanish and English. The order of his words is Spanish, but the words themselves are in English.
Fawful: Now, like I have had saying, the Kingdom of Beans has had the signing of a treaty with the person who is me. I also have the wishing for a treaty for the Kingdom of Mushrooms.
Tom: The Beanbean Kingdom signed a peace treaty with him, and he wants one with the Mushroom Kingdom too.
Mario: Why the sudden change of heart?
Queen Bean: Well, apparently Cackletta tried to kill him. This made him rethink his life.
Mario: Fawful, did you kidnap Peach so she’d sign the treaty?
Fawful: NO WAY!
Mario: Fawful, a witness said that the kidnapper used lasers and bombs similar to yours.
Fawful: When the two people of Mario and Green-
Waluigi: You mean Green Bean? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Lady Lima, Queen Bean, Peasley, and Pea: HEY!
Waluigi: I meant the empty-head over here.
Luigi: HE MEANS ME, YOU FAT-HEADED IDIOT!
Wario: When’d you get here?
Luigi falls over anime-style.
Mario: HEY, WE GOTTA FIND MY SOON-TO-BE WIFE!
Fawful: You have the engagement to Peach?
Tom: You are en-
Mario: I understood. Fawful, may I see your Head Gear.
Fawful: No, it was destroyed by you.
Mario: When was this?
Fawful: During our final fight the overheat from D. FURY destroyed it.
Luigi: What’s that?
Fawful: My Dome of FURY!
They all leave and, while walking, converse about the sudden change of events.
Wario: So… Fawful is not awful…
Tom: Apparently not… Where do we go from here?
Waluigi: Hmm… I GOT IT! Mario, when you told us about Bowletta earlier, you said that Fawful was in BOWSER’S CASTLE!
Mario: MAMAMIA! YOU’RE RIGHT!
Luigi: Well, back to the police station!
Chapter Four: Kooky, the Kooky Kidnapper?
Mario: ALL RIGHT, BOWSER, GIVE IT UP!
Bowser: What now?!
Tom: We interviewed the only other person who would want Peach.
Luigi: Fawful, and all his weapons are in YOUR castle.
Bowser: You mean that weird dome and hat that I found near my throne room when I returned to my castle?
Mario: Yeah… wait, now that I think of it, how DID it get back there?
Bowser: You mean from wherever it went when I was out of it?
Tom: That’s nice, now: WHERE’S PEACH?!
Bowser: Wow, you’d think that YOU hopelessly love her, the way you're yelling.
Mario: First of all, it isn’t helpless, and second of all… wait, why DO you seem so ticked, Tom?
Tom: I have other things to get done that must wait.
Tom: Finding my dog and getting back home.
Bowser: What’s a dog?
Tom: Well, mine is a small gray-haired long fuzzy thing.
Bowser: With a long black-haired tail?
Tom: Why yes- YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS?!
Bowser: Yeah, I was gonna kill her when Ludwig said he wanted to run some test on her…
Tom: WHAT?! YOU ARE RUNNING SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT ON HER?!
Bowser: No, no. Right then he was fixing the hat and dome.
Mario: Right. We’d better get going, then.
Tom: And ASAP. Who knows how close Ludwig is to completion…
Mario: Er… I hate to say it, but judging by our new info… he IS done.
Tom: NOW we really got to get going!
Bowser: NOW can I get going? It’s obvious that LUDWIG did it, not ME!
Mario: Hmmm… no.
Luigi: You’re guilty of accessory to kidnap.
Bowser: And since when did that matter before?
Wario: You gotta stay put while we give your kids and castle a ransac- I MEAN BEATING!
Bowser: YOU’RE KEEPING ME HERE ON A NON-RELATED CHARGE?!
Tom: As they say in Florida, ya only need one nail to hang your hat on.
Mario: HEY! They say that in Brooklyn too!
Luigi: SO LONG THERE, BOWSER!
Mario: Luigi… never again.
Tom: LET’S GET GOING!
Jerry: Yeah, before he starts to breathe fire.
Bowser: OH YEAH!
He tries to breathe fire, but since he’s in a helmet he only hurts himself.
He grabs Jerry and pulls him out the door.
Jerry: T! GET OFF ME!
Mario: Those two kids leave?
Luigi: Oh no.
Luigi: Judging by Tom’s behavior, he’s gonna go to Bowser’s kids.
Bowser: WAHAHAHAHA! He’s in sooooo much doom! The "greatest hero" and Green Bean...
Waluigi: HA HA HAAAAA!
Bowser: …could barely handle those seven evils…
Mario: MAMAMIA! YOU’RE RIGHT!
Luigi: Then let’s-a go!
With the kids…
Jerry: T! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Tom: Jerry, we HAVE to get Sandy before that blue-haired freak transforms her into a Goomba or something else like that…
Jerry: You're right!
Tom: Hmm… But how do we get there?
Jerry: Let’s go to where we found Bowser…
They find their way to that area and find giant footprints leading to a giant volcano with a castle on top.
Tom: Wait… we gotta climb that? Argh…
Chapter Five: Climbing Mt. Koopa
To Be Continued...
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