Botanic Badness

By Lemmy's Campfire Tales

Bowser: Horrible, despicable, truly repulsive! Don't tell me Mario defeated you again?!

Koopalings: We're sorry, King Dad.

Bowser: Sorry?! This is the 46th time you've lost to him this month!

Iggy: 47th.

Koopalings: Iggy!!!

Iggy: *gulp* Oops.

Bowser: That's it! I've heard enough! To the dungeon with you!

Bowser sent the Koopalings to the dungeon, where they had a little reunion.

Lemmy: I can't believe we are in the dungeon AGAIN! This is the 99999999th time since 1992!

Iggy: Actually, it’s the 99999998.9th time.

Koopalings: SHUT UP, IGGY!

Wendy: This is totally getting out of hand, we have to defeat those Mario Bros. or we'll be spending the rest of our lives in this dungeon!

Ludwig: Perhaps I could design a machine that could destroy them.

Wendy: We've already tried your crazy contraptions like, what, 72 times?

Iggy: 7-

Wendy: Don't say it!

Iggy: ...

Everyone started sharing ideas on how to defeat Mario. Larry had come up with an idea as well, but he kept it to himself, and decided to work on it right away. He crawled through an air vent and made his way to his room.

Larry: Now I need to grow some big plants.

He got out an instruction book on a Super-Growth formula.

Larry: Two ketchup bottles... iced water... Cake Mix... stir it for 20 hours... bake it for 50 hours... let it cool for 60 hours... Ookay, now I need to find the ingredients. Let's see, two ketchup bottles, check; iced water, check; Cake Mix... Where's the Cake Mix? Dang it, this is the 64th time this week I couldn't find the Cake Mix!

Iggy: 6-

Larry: Shut up, Ig... Wait a sec. How'd you get here?

Iggy: ... I don't know.

Larry: Whatever. Anyway, do you know where I can find some Cake Mix?

Iggy: Yep! Right here!

Iggy then gave Larry some Cake Mix.

Larry: Thanks! But, um, where did you get this?

Iggy: ... I don't know.

Larry: Stop saying that!

Iggy: I can't!

Larry: Why?

Iggy: I don't-

Larry glared at Iggy.

Iggy: Never mind... Anyway, what're you doing?

Larry: I'm devising a plot to defeat Mario once and for all, what does it look like?

Iggy: It looks like you're making cake with iced water and ketchup as the frosting.

Larry: Ugh... Never mind... Just...stand on the side or something and I'll get to work.

Larry noticed the vent was open. Wanting to make this alone, he threw Iggy back in and closed it.

Iggy (inside vent): So THAT's how I got here.

Iggy went back to the dungeon. The six Koopalings in the room ordered a pizza. Back in Larry's room...

Larry: Hehehe! I'll be even better than Ludwig!

Larry then stuffed the ingredients in a pot, put the pot in a oven, and turned it on.

Larry: Wait a second, why is an oven in my room?

Narrator: None of your business.

After Larry had done everything, he finally had the formula. It was in a glass container. He dropped it, and the container broke and dissolved.

Larry: Drat! Now I have to start over.

...and so he did. After Larry had created the formula again, he poured it on his plants and they began growing.

Larry: Yes, it's working! It's working, I tell you! IT'S WORKING!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Lemmy's voice: Could you please be quiet? We're trying to eat this pizza!

Larry: Sorry!

His plants started shrinking. He realized he had misread the ingredient and started over.


Finally, the Piranha Plants grew.

Larry: Perfect.

Piranha Plants: ROAR!

Larry: I am your master! Obey me or...

Larry pulled out a bottle of poison.

Larry: ...die!

The first Piranha Plant simply knocked the poison out of Larry's hands.

Larry: Um, can I take that back?

Piranha Plant: ROAR!!

Larry: OH NO! I'll need to call my bodyguard! PETEY PIRANHA!!

Petey Piranha: Sorry, man, I'm on their side.

Larry: DRAT.


Larry: Uh... NO!

Wendy got into the room.

Wendy: Liar.

Larry: Well, um, err...

Larry then kicked Wendy out of his room.

Larry: Now to turn those Piranha Plants back to normal!

Larry then turned around. The Piranha Plants were gone.

Larry: Huh? Where'd they go?!

He then noticed a hole in the wall.

Larry: Uh oh.

Meanwhile, at Mario's house...

Luigi: Mario! Mario! Wake up!

Mario: What's the matter?

Luigi: Giant Piranha Plants are terrorizing the Mushroom Kingdom!

Mario fell asleep again.

Will the Piranhas be stopped? Will Mario ever wake up? Will Larry be sent to the dungeon for this? Is Iggy ever going to stop correcting numbers? Am I going to stop asking these questions? Why does Morton talk so much? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Will Bowser ever give up on kidnapping Peach and kidnap Daisy? What rhymes with orange? When-

Luigi: Can we just get on with the story?

Oh, right. Luigi sighed.

Luigi: I guess I'll have to do this by myself... On second thought...

Luigi then whacked Mario on the head with his hammer.

Mario: I'M AWAKE!!!

Luigi: Now go save the Mushroom Kingdom from the giant Piranha Plants!

Mario: There are no giant Piranha Plants, Luigi! It's probably just your imagination!

The giant Piranha Plants then ripped through the roof.

Giant Piranha Plants: ROAR!!!

Luigi: You were saying?

Mario: Yep, just your imagination.

Mario went back to sleep. The giant Piranha Plants then took Luigi.


Mario hurried to Peach's Castle to warn everyone about the Piranha Plants and save Luigi.

Mario: Peach!!!

Peach: Not now, Mario, I'm watching my soap. Eric is about to propose to Carmen!

Mario: Bu-

Peach: Shush!

Mario: *sigh*

Mario walked away.

Peach: Eek!

A Piranha Plant broke through the window and nabbed Peach.

Peach: Mario, do something!

Mario: I will, don't worry.

The Piranha Plant escaped with Peach.

Peach: Oh, and don't forget to tape my soap!

Mario went to tape the soap.

Meanwhile, back at Bowser's castle, Larry was pacing around his room.

Larry: What am I going to do? The giant Piranha Plants have escaped and I'll probably be sent to the dungeon for the rest of my life if King Dad finds out! So I'll have to go stop those things!

Larry then walked out of his room and headed to the castle's exit, but Bowser stepped in front of him.

Bowser: And where are you going?

Larry: Um...

Wendy: He unleashed a horde of giant Piranha Plant towards the Mushroom Kingdom!

Bowser looked out the window.

Bowser: Wow, those plants are destroying the entire place!

Larry: I know, I'm sorry.

Bowser: Sorry?! I've never been so proud of you, son!

Larry: Really!

Wendy: Really?

Bowser: I never thought I'd see the day, when you my, son...

Bowser looked out the window again.

Peach: Eek!

Larry: Uh oh...

Bowser: Do you realize what you have done?

Wendy: He's gonna get it now!

Larry: Uh...

Bowser: You've got Princess Peach also! That's the best thing you could ever do! You, Larry, are instantly getting whatever you want!

Larry: I am?

Wendy: He is?

Bowser: Yes!

Larry: Well, I...

Larry grinned.

Larry: This is turning in my favor.

Wendy: Wait, if he got Peach, why is she heading the other direction?

The plants were carrying Peach another direction.


Iggy: 81.

Larry: IGGY!

Iggy: Whoops.

Bowser: Do you know what this means?

Larry: Dungeon time?

Bowser: Worse! You have to go stop your plants and retrieve Peach yourself!

Larry: But-a...

Bowser: NO BUTS!!!

Wendy: But King Dad, we all have-

Bowser: No, I don't mean it that way!

Larry: *grumble* Now I have to get rid of these plants for the 8-

Iggy: Before you say the wrong number, I would like to point out that the correct number is-

Larry: You know, you're gonna help me stop these plants.

Iggy: What? Why me?

Larry: Shut up! Now we're gonna need some bait.

Iggy: Like what?

Larry: We need someone, fat and stupid. Oh Morton...

Morton then walked up to Larry and Iggy.

Morton: What is it brother, friend, amigo, paisano, family member?

Larry: We need you as bait for the giant Piranha Plants.

Morton: How about no, nope, not a chance, in your dreams, I don't think so...

Iggy: We get the point!

Larry: We'll need to use someone else, then...

Larry and Iggy then looked at each other.

Larry and Iggy: Mario.

Morton: Are you crazy, insane, mental, out of your minds, kuckoo for Coco-

Larry: It's crazy, I know, but we'll have to do it, for the sake of the
Koopas, for the sake of-

Iggy: You know, we could just clobber Morton over the head right now instead of risking our lives to get Mario to do the job.

Larry: Hm, you're right. Thanks for the idea.

Larry clobbered Morton with a huge wooden board.

Larry: There, ready to be bait. Now, to devise the plan...

Larry and Iggy dressed up Morton as a turkey and settled him on a plate on the rooftop.

Morton: This is never going to work...

Larry: Shut up!

Larry then started spraying some sort of perfume on Morton.

Morton: What is that, que es eso...

LarrY: Turkey Cologne!

Iggy: They make that?

Larry: It was on sale.

Meanwhile in Toad Town, Mario was fighting the Piranha Plants. And he was losing.

Mario: ARRGH! MY BACK!!! How am I going to beat these guys? Wait, I know!

Mario then got out a can of something and sprayed the giant Piranha Plants with it, but nothing happened.

Mario: Huh? No plant can withstand weed killer!

Giant Piranha Plant #1: That wasn't weed killer, you idiot! It was perfume!

Mario: Oh. Wait a second, you can talk?!

Giant Piranha Plant #1: What? You expect us to go BLARRRRGHH all the time? We're not that uncivilized!

Giant Piranha Plant #2: Yes, precisely. Even if we grab you and try to swallow you whole, we still know how to speak the common tongue.

Mario: O...kay.

Giant Piranha Plant #1: So then, shall we continue the fight?

Mario: Sure, why not.

The Piranha Plant that nabbed Peach appeared.

Giant Piranha Plant #3: Hey guys, look what I found! A shrieking dame!

Peach: Eek!

Mario: Oh no! I've gotta save Peach!

Yoshi walked by.

Mario: Yoshi? Where did you come from?

Yoshi: Well, you see Mario, when a daddy Yoshi and a mommy Yoshi love each other very much, they...

Mario: Not that! Oh, never mind, you have to help us defeat these wicked Piranha Plants.

The Piranha Plant that took Luigi arrived.

Giant Piranha Plant #4: Hey guys, look what I found! A mustache with a man attached to it!

Luigi: Mario, you lazy idiot! Hurry up and save us!

Mario: What's in it for me?

Luigi: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...

Peach: I'll tell you after you save us.

Mario: You didn't say please!

Luigi: UGH!

Larry, Morton, and Iggy arrived.

Iggy: So what's the plan?

Larry: I already told you 8 times!

Iggy: 9.

Larry: Whatever! Ugh, I forgot! We need someone that can scream loudly for Part 6 of the plan!

Larry, Iggy, and Morton look at each other.

Iggy: Wendy.

Morton: But won't that be painful, unbearable, hurtful to our ears, absolutely-

Larry: Morton, stick with your character.

Morton: Oh yeah, gobble, squack, quack…

Iggy: If you don't mind, I'll... go and get Wendy.

Larry: And you're planning to leave me here with Morton?!

Iggy: Well, yeah, isn't that the whole point of leaving here and getting Wendy?

Larry: *sigh* Yes, go and get her.

Later, Iggy returned with Wendy.

Wendy: Thanks for the free facial, Iggy!

Larry: Free facial?

Iggy: It was the only way to convince her to come. I used your money by the way.

Larry: What?

Morton: Uh, guys, we have bigger things to worry about. Those, giant, huge, humongous...

Larry: Looks like the Piranhas took the bait. They're coming this way!

Mario: Huh? Where are those Piranha Plants going? Are those the Koopalings?

A new Piranha Plant sprouted from the ground.

Morton: That was unexpected, ironic, never saw that coming...

Wendy became astonished by the Piranha Plant that sprouted, and started screaming.

Wendy: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

The Piranha Plant started twitching and exploded.

Giant Piranha Plant #2: Oh no, guys, they know our weakness!

Giant Piranha Plant #1: Don't worry.

That Piranha Plant then gave earmuffs to the others.

Piranha Plants: Ha Ha!

Larry: The Piranha Plants are sensitive to loud noises. We have to remove those earmuffs and make Wendy scream. Then the Piranhas will be destroyed.

Mario: Hey! You defeated that Piranha Plant!

Iggy: Yeah, so?

Mario: I have an idea! Me and Yoshi will remove the earmuffs, and you destroy the Piranha Plants with Wendy's screech!

Wendy: We would never team up with the likes of you!

Larry: They're all we got! Fine, remove the earmuffs!

Morton: Wait! I still have one question!

Larry, Wendy, and Iggy: What?

Morton: How is it possible for the Piranhas to have earmuffs their size?

Larry: It's possible when the guy who wrote the script is an idiot! Anyway, let's get to work!

Just then, Ludwig, Roy, and Lemmy arrived.

Mario: Ya know, I think this is the second time we've worked with the Koopas.

Iggy: Third!

Everyone else, including the Piranha Plants: SHUT UP, IGGY!

Mario: Anyway, Yoshi, start eating their earmuffs!

Yoshi: Right!

Yoshi then tried to eat one of the Piranha Plant's earmuffs, but the plant grabbed Yoshi's tongue and started using him as a yo-yo.

Larry: We are so doomed.

Iggy: Quick! Now that Lemmy, Roy, and Ludwig are here via plot device, we must use them to remove the earmuffs also!

Larry: Are you sure they'll help?

Iggy: Of course, in five seconds flat those Piranhas will be easily destroyed.

Five seconds later...

Roy, Lemmy, Ludwig, Mario, and Yoshi were all crippled on the ground, twitching badly.

Larry: And you were saying?

Iggy: Don't worry, I have another plan! Morton, tell the giant Piranha Plants a speech about shoes!

Morton: Okay! Shoes are...

While Morton was talking about shoes, Larry started whispering to Iggy.

Larry: How is that going to help us?

Iggy: Simple! The Piranha Plants will get bored of Morton's speech, fall asleep, and we will then take off their earmuffs!

Larry: Oh!

A long while later...

Morton: *pant pant*

Larry: I forgot they can't hear him... I messed up for the 4,000,000th time!

Iggy: 400-

Larry: AUGH!

Larry grabbed him and tossed him at a Piranha Plant, knocking its earmuffs off in the process.

Iggy: OW!

Iggy's yelp caused the Piranha Plant to explode.

Giant Piranha Plant #1: They killed David! Let's get them, guys!

Giant Piranha Plant #2: What?!

Giant Piranha Plant #3: What?!

Giant Piranha Plant #4: What?!

Giant Piranha Plant #1: What?!

Larry: Iggy, this is just the chance we're looking for! Let's take off the other giant Piranha Plants' earmuffs while they're trying to figure out what they're even saying to each other!

Iggy: Right!

Larry and Iggy then sneaked up behind the giant Piranha Plants.

Iggy: So how many are there?

Larry began counting.

A day later...

Larry was still counting.

Wendy: Uh oh.

Daisy ran by.

Daisy: HELP!

Daisy was being chased by Tatanga.

Luigi: Well, that's pointless.

Larry: There! I finished counting!

Iggy: Well, how many are there?

Larry: 100!

Iggy: It shouldn't have taken you that long to count to 100...

Larry: Well, I have trouble counting! Now there has to be a fast way to get those earmuffs off...

Meanwhile, Daisy, who was being pointlessly chased by Tatanga (honestly, who wrote this?), batted Tatanga away with a baseball bat and sent him crashing towards one of the Piranha, causing an earmuff to fall off.

Piranha Plant #2: Hey!

Daisy: Well, can you blame me? Those earmuffs were a hideous color! Mahogany is so not you.

Narrator: Uh, Daisy, you're supposed to scream now.

Daisy: Oh, right. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

The Piranha Plant exploded. Daisy's scream also woke up Mario, Yoshi, Lemmy, Ludwig, and Roy.

Daisy: You know, you guys could be a little more useful.

Ludwig: Well, we were all knocked out! Anyway, let's get those earmuffs!

Mario, Yoshi, Ludwig, Roy, and Lemmy started taking the earmuffs off of the giant Piranha Plants. Meanwhile, Iggy was looking at the Piranhas through binoculars.

Iggy: Hey, I only see five Piranha Plants! You said there were 100.

Larry: Huh, wah? Oh, you meant the Piranha Plants, yeah, there are only five.

Soon, all the Piranha Plants’ earmuffs were removed. They were each shouted at, and defeated.

Wendy: That was too easy.

Suddenly, a huge Piranha Plant came up from the ground.

Huge Piranha Plant: BWA HA HA!

Larry: Meep.

Mario: Wait, how did we defeat the Piranha Plants?

Daisy: I don't know, but it's written in the script.

Peach: Remind me to fire the guy who wrote this.

Luigi: Uh, guys, I think we have MUCH bigger problems.


Wendy screamed her lungs out, but nothing happened.

Roy: How come nothing happened? Yay! I finally got a line!

Huge Piranha Plant: Because, I knew my brothers and sisters would fail, so I created a copy of that foolish Koopa's formula. Nnot only did it make me even bigger, but I am now invulnerable to loud sounds!

Mario: Could you repeat that?

Huge Piranha Plant: NO!

The huge Piranha Plant then stepped on Mario.

Luigi: Since when did you have feet?

Huge Piranha Plant: I think I got 'em 4 days ago.

Iggy: 6.

Everyone Else: SHUT UP, IGGY!

Will Iggy ever shut up? Will I stop asking questions? Why is Wario fat? How much would could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would? Find out (or not) after this break.

The screen cuts to a Goomba.

Goomba: Eat at Joe's!

The Goomba danced offstage as the screen cuts back to the battle with the Piranha Plant.

Huge Piranha Plant: And now, my dream will come true, and I will rule the world!

Larry: Isn't that a bit too clichéd?

Huge Piranha Plant: Hm... you're right. In that case, now, my dream will come true, and I will rid this world of you consumers and your fertilizers, and then, we producers will rule the world!

Everyone Else: ...

Iggy: Original, to say the least.

Peach: Hmm, you seem to have a hatred for fertilizers.

Larry: Of course! Guys, get some fertilizer, and make it snappy!

Huge Piranha Plant: Fools! Before I came here, I hid all of the fertilizers on Plit in a place no one would ever go to!

Iggy: Let me guess, you hid them in King Dad's room.

Huge Piranha Plant: Darn it!

Bowser appeared.

Bowser: Hey kids, who hid this fertilizer under my bed?

Huge Piranha Plant: NOOOOOOOO!

Larry: King Dad, give it to me!

Bowser: Okay, then!

Bowser gave the fertilizer to Larry, wh0 sprayed the huge Piranha Plant with it.

Huge Piranha Plant: YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!

The huge Piranha Plant then melted.

Larry: YES! We did it!

Everyone Else: WOOHOO!

Larry then turned towards Bowser.

Larry: Well, King Dad, seeing how I stopped the giant Piranha Plants and retrieved Peach, I guess I don't go to the dungeon for the rest of my life, right?

Bowser: Right! Instead, you go the dungeon for half of your life!

Larry: NOOOOOOO!!!

The End

Well, I suppose you're wondering what happened to the guy who wrote the script, right? Well, here's what happened.

Peach: Um, excuse me, did you write this?

Guy: Yeah.

Peach fires the guy.

Guy: Bwaaaaaaah! Meanie! You'll hear from my lawyer!

Peach: And you'll be hearing from my lawyer's lawyer!

Mario: How come I don't get a lawyer?

Peach: Because I'm the princess in the glamorous dress, and you're just the plumber in the dirty overalls.

Mario: Oh, foo!

The Really Real End

Credit goes to Bobby, Tails, Dylan, Captain Axem/Yoshi, Ninja-Z, Paratrol, and Petey Piranha Fan for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.

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