Mario's Status: Level 4
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 2
Attacks:
Jump 2+2 damage.
Hammer 2-4 damage.
Punch 2-3 damage and can disarm enemies,
steal items; gets critical hits more often.
Special:
Super Jump - 2NP - Jump damage +2 or
3 rarely.
Super Smash - 2NP - Hammer damage +2
and rare dizzy effect.
Multi-Jump - 4NP - Jump damage +(action
commands x 1). (This means that after the first jump, subsequent jumps
do 1 damage.)
Firehand - 3NP - (on ground) Punch
damage +4, may burn. (elsewhere) 3-4 damage, may burn.
Smash:
Summon Brother - 1SP - Brings Luigi
into existence.
SuperSize - 2SP - Makes Mario bigger
and therefore doubles Mario's maximum HP for the battle and restores and
equal amount of HP to the new HP maximum. Also increases Attack by 3 and
Defense by 2. Effect stops if Mario is downed somehow (saying an enemy
has a super strong attack or instant killer), or if his HP reaches the
original maximum or lower (much more likely). Note that this move and its
rules apply to Luigi too.
Talent: Popularity haggling (use manually
in shops).
Inventory: 304 coins, floppy disk,
1 Strength Juice.
A Note From the Author: Due to some suggestion from Arkigul, which could be considered both a compl-iment/aint (author laziness), I am going to try out PROPER NOVEL FORMAT, which can be seen for example in Teela Yoshi's Melodies Forever. The RPG style will remain probably unchanged, but now, for humor's sake, the setting is now inside TB's alter ego's home, and Arkigul is senselessly beating TB into a pulp while TB is typing on his computer.
Arkigul: How dare you use the script format?! In fact, how dare you put my quotation in the script format! BE PUNISHED!
TB: Okay, *gasp* fixed, but I'll get you in this story...
TB uses some computer magic and the story goes into the proper novel dimension. He groans, "On to the story."
The instant he interprets his stats, Mario screams, "AAAAHHH!!! Where did my items go?!"
"That's odd," say Mario's friends from Plit. "The barrier held back these two Syrups, four Super Shrooms, two Maple Syrups, two 1-Up Shrooms, and the Shroom Mist."
Meanwhile, the UE from his secret headquarters observes a breach in his security system and has to grunt to himself. "DARN! So Mario made it through. I guess he is different... but I'll crush him very, very, soon... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! D'OH! Why did I give foreshadowing to the reader?! GRRR!!! MUST... CRUSH... PLOTLINE!!!"
Despite the Eliminator's awareness of his mistake and how the author indirectly broke the fourth wall, the author quickly stops the plotline's demise with his great creativity.
Mario, unaware of the strange happenings flying around the plotline, inquires of the gods, "Hey Shigeru! Why aren’t my friends able to get to this overworld area?"
Shigeru hesitantly responds, "Um... well, we have our bases in the Nintendoverse. Since you were our first real hero, we have given you our power. In the past, anyone could go through a portal if it existed at the moment, but the UE has made things difficult, but not for you with our blessed power."
"YEAH! I’M SPECIAL!" shouted Mario.
G&W, interjecting to Mario's happy exclamation, nervously says, "Um... No need to boast about it."
"Um... Yeah, what G&W said, that’s my point," Luigi agreeably inserts.
Mario, noticing something funny with the way the author picked the current quotes, exclaims, "HEY! STOP SAYING 'UM'!"
"D'OH!" everyone else replies. "How did that happen? We will stop. Okay?"
"So what about the items?" asks Mario.
"Hmmm... good question," comment the gods. "Well, it must be a sign of our evil entity's rising power, so I guess items from certain worlds must stay where they came from, with a few exceptions that sound like they could reasonably appear elsewhere, or something like that."
"Yeah… Any objections to going to Link’s world?"
Suddenly, No one out of the blue says, "ANYTHING but there!"
"Let’s-a go!"
Mario's team leaves NO ONE behind while they make their way to Triforcia. If one didn't understand the joke, it is probably because English is not your first language, or the context was ruined by the story format. If you have good inferring skills, imagining the previous text in script format should make the joke funnier.
Now, continuing the story, Mario jumps out of another portal that materializes near a cute little cottage. Meanwhile nearby, a really big man in dark attire is seen speeding by on horseback taking a young blonde elven girl in a beautifully designed pink dress as his hostage. A young blonde elven boy in green clothing futilely pursues. At the same time, the author notices his redundancy and has to make a silly indirect comment on this observation of his plotline details.
The green clothed boy shouts, "Get back here, Ganon!"
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I shall rule the world!" shouts back the big evil looking man.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Save me, Link!" screams the young girl.
The boy, whose name apparently is Link, falls to his knees in horror of the seemingly unstoppably chaotic occurrences that have just passed. The big man, whose proper name is Ganondorf, quickly disappears into the distance with the young girl Zelda, heading to a dark castle.
Meanwhile, outside of the plot, in an online discussion, the Koopaling Lemmy (who is still in the dungeon from the second page of this story), using the dungeon Email connection he has, communicates to one of his clients and types out to the author of this story, "HEY! Are you sure this is really a Mario story?"
A reply comes and explains, "Sure it is! Mario's importance is emphasized, and I'm sorry if this part isn't to your tastes, but I'm trying to be funny too!
"Um... Yeah, any more proof?"
"Well, you have to keep reading! Besides, the RPG style is from Mario games, and there will be Mario enemies here in this world."
"MARIO ENEMY?! WHERE!?!"
Moving back to the story, Mario kneels by the side of the fallen boy, and helps him to his feet. Mario, inferring from what he saw, says, "Don't worry, Link, we can take care of that bad guy together if you agree."
Link, still exhausted from probably sprinting 400 meters, gasps, "Who are you?"
"It is-a me-a! Mario!" the heroic plumber exclaims, hoping his catchphrase works on other planets.
"OH! That guy in Super Mario 64! I loved that game! I definitely need help. No need to explain anything. Zelda told me the plot of the story."
In relief of being saved from a speech that is approximately 240 words long, G&W sighs, "Thank goodness!"
"As for my world," begins Link, "Ganon has now stolen the Triforce of Wisdom, along with Zelda. He already is casting evil onto Triforcia! It isn’t even safe in the town area of Hyrule. So you said you were here to help?"
"Mario to the rescue!" shouts Mario.
"Okay..." says Link, somewhat surprised by Mario's grammar in such a situation.
"Take this. You may need it," says Mario, who gives Link a Tattle Log SP.
"Hmm... An enemy identifier?" Link ask rhetorically after making a really good inference. "Thanks!"
"Congratulations!" Mr. Game and Watch declares. "Link, the Hero of Time, has joined your team! He's at level 4. He currently has 17 HP and 15 NP. While his stats are low, he is excellent at blocking and dodging. His blocks actually stop 3 damage (except when it comes to fire, where he blocks 1 damage), deflect some projectiles, and also help protect party members to a certain extent. He slashes enemies for 2-3 damage with his Kokiri sword, or shoots a deadly slingshot for 2 damage. In addition to this, he has a strong jump slash that can hit 1 aerial enemy or ground enemy for 4-5 damage and costs 2 NP. He may seem a bit weak at a glance, but he really is quite talented and athletic, making up for that. He has a special talent at full health where he can shoot a beam from his sword, doing 4 damage, penetrating defense, and possibly stunning."
"My talent is stupid! I want an offensive talent!" exclaims Mario.
"Don’t worry," consoles G&W. "I know you will get one. Trust me. Besides, you really are well known across this universe, so haggling works on nearly anyone."
"What is it?"
"I will not tell you until you get it!"
"Darn it! Let’s-a go! But where? You’re the expert here, so show us the way!" Mario orders.
"Anyway, in case you were wondering, that cottage over there is my house," explains Link. "However, that is besides the current point. Let’s go to Hyrule, that big walled castle city over there."
Mario's, or should it currently be called Link’s team while Link is leading the way, or otherwise called Mario's team because he's the leader, goes to Hyrule. They see some Octorocks pestering some poor citizens. Since this team is lawful, they are obliged to fight the Octorocks. Link uses his talent to ambush the Octorocks.
Battle Phase: Mario, Link vs. Octorock
x3
Player Surprise!
Link: HA!
HP: 17/17
NP: 15/15
SP: 3
Move: Full Health Talent “Sword Beam”
- Attack power 4, penetrates defense and stuns.
*BZSHOOM!* Octorock1 takes 4 damage
and is out.
Player Start!
Mario: Nice job!
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Move: Tattle log SP - 1NP - Identifies
enemies.
beeBEEEEP! Target identified as an
Octorock. Basic monsters of Triforcia, they have 4 HP, 3 Attack, and 0
Defense. They shoot rocks to attack.
Link: HYAAH!
HP: 17/17
NP: 15/15
SP: 3
Move: Full Health Talent "Sword Beam"
- Attack power 4, penetrates defense and stuns
Octorock2 takes 4 damage and is out.
Enemy Start!
Octorock3: *Spitooie*
HP: 4/4
Move: Duh... Rock Shot - Attack power
3
Link blocks.
No effect.
Player Start!
Mario: Woohoo!
HP: 20/20
NP: 16/17
SP: 3
Move: Hammer - Attack power 2-4
Octorock3 takes 4 damage and is out.
"Good job! You win 10XP and 5 rupees," G&W automatically recites.
"Thank you, heroes. Who are you in red?" question the previously pestered citizens.
"It is-a me-a! Mario!" he says, being very fond of his catchphrase.
"Wow!" exclaim the citizens. "That guy on that TV show and in those games! Can I have your autograph?"
"Um... NO!" says Mario, who is familiar with situations with paparazzi. "Let's-a go!"
Mario's team goes to a shop. They exchange all their coins for rupees. At the current rates, 1 coin can be exchanged for 1 rupee, conveniently for the author. However, they need to pay 30 rupees in interest or something, so they have 279 rupees.
"Will you buy something from Triforce Trading Post?" booms Terrence the shopkeeper.
Mario, in an attempt to haggle, declares, "I think those prices such as 20 rupees for a quarter heart are ridiculous!"
"Nope, not one rupee less," the shopkeeper firmly states. "Maybe for that, I'll raise the prices by 5 rupees apiece."
"Nice going..." Link comments sarcastically. "But I agree, 20 rupees to restore 5 HP is ridiculous."
"Let's-a go," says Mario in a frustrated tone.
"Grr... Stupid customers, but I technically made off with 30 rupees! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughs Terrence.
"I really hate that guy," growls Mario.
"If you thought that was bad, listen to my story when I stole something," notes Link imperatively.
"YOU STOLE SOMETHING?! WOW!" exclaims Mario, evidently surprised by such a lawful persona deciding to go chaotic.
"Yeah," interjects Link. "It happened in the time when you played Link's Awakening. I stole a shovel, bow and arrow set, and many other things. You won't believe it, then the shopkeeper caught me and killed me by zapping me with death rays. I lived because Din, Naryu, and Farore loved me so much that they gave me an extra life, or maybe that was the video game player..."
"THIEF! It is you! I missed you since that adventure!" cries out a young maiden in a blue dress holding a harp.
Suddenly, everyone stares at Link and starts gossiping. Link, noticing this, does not hesitate and says, "Oh dear, that goody-goody Marin, even though she saved my life... Um... We need to go. On to the castle!"
"Hey!" Mario suddenly shouts. "There is a separate badge shop!"
"Oh geez, c'mon! This is not a good time to be distracted!"
"MUST... GET... AUTOGRAPH!!!!" a bunch of Mario fans robotically state.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" shrieks Mario as he struggles with the crazy Mario fans of Triforcia. He gets away with 7HP left only for the reason of a funny game detail for this plot. As for that badge shop, I'll explain badges later, but they WILL visit the newly introduced badge shop. Mario's team wrestles their way to get to the king. They get 20XP and 20 rupees in the process and identify a Possessed Vassal, which is a guard that has 10 HP, 2 Defense, and 4 Attack. They then have to pay 50 rupees for some reason to use a Tolled restore block, so now they have 229 rupees. After all that trouble, Mario's team arrives before the king's majestic throne.
"I'm so sorry my guards have troubled you two," says the Hylian King. "I don't mean to offend anyone, but their minds are weak to the spreading evil caused by the UE."
"So you are the king," says Mario. "Is there anything that your majesty would know of that could help?"
"Yes," replies the king without hesitating. "Somewhere, within a sealed sanctuary in Hyrule, there resides the Master Sword. Link should take the time to get it, but the catch is that he must collect the four elemental stones of Fire, Water, Wind, and Earth. Also, all of you should take the time to gather the Triforce and bring it back from Ganon's clutches. You'll need it."
"Let's-a go!"
"Good luck!"
Mario's team exits the castle and take the time to find a quiet spot to ponder what to do next. They contemplate on deciding which temple to go to, or if they should do something else like rob a shop. By now, even if you didn't inadvertently read ahead, if you really stuck to this story, then you can predict exactly what is going to happen. Why else would the author say "rob a shop"? Even if you didn't infer from that statement, now you should know by my revealing comment.
Link comes up with that exact idea and says, "There are many useful things in that shop. I don't think this is a time for business. I think we are here to save the universe! We need everything possible."
"I don't like the sound of that idea, but let's-a give it a shot!" says Mario, reasoning with Link's decision.
The author got lazy in the sense that he absolutely did not want to plan out all the item locations in a dungeon, since that would make this section too Zelda oriented, so the assumption that should be made is that stuff like the Hookshot, the Cane of Pacci, Bottles, the Gust Jar, Bombs, in short, nearly everything Link uses in his adventures was somehow stolen from him by the shopkeeper and now he is stealing it back. That should make the intent more lawful if the author has good ideals on law and order. Back to the story.
Mario starts talking to the shopkeeper about which video games he should sell, while Link starts snatching stuff off of the shelves and leaves. They successfully steal EVERYTHING that is an important item from the shop. This puts something called "The Link Stuff" in, well... Link's inventory, and only Link can use it. I think I'll explain it as a badge in this game... yeah. It will be in the next paragraph so it is legible. Stop reading the context in these lines and bypass the gap below them and read... NOW!!! AAARRRGGGHH!!! YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS!!!
Yet another note from the author: Here is the badge system. You might know what to expect if you played Paper Mario. Badges do nice stuff for you in general. Your ability to equip badges is based on your experience level, so the higher level you are, the more badges you can equip. "The Link Stuff" badge hasn't been equipped yet, and it costs 4 level units, so the display for collecting such a badge in the appropriate section would be the following:
"The Link Stuff-4, A crucial badge in Triforcia, it automatically equips to Link when he gets it. In addition to more puzzle solving options, Link also gets some pretty cool moves in battle."
If it is equipped, it would be this instead.
"E-The Link Stuff-4, A crucial badge in Triforcia, it automatically equips to Link when he gets it. In addition to more puzzle solving options, Link also gets some pretty cool moves in battle."
"E" must stand for equip, and hopefully, you know how to add and subtract, so this is simple. Right?
"Yeah, he had good suggestions," starts Terrence the shopkeeper. "Maybe I'll clear off my shelves..." Mario goes really bug-eyed like this (O.O) right before the shopkeeper continues,"...and restock."
So obviously, the next thing can only be described as chaos internally for Mario's team and externally for the shopkeeper. Needless to say, the shopkeeper shouts, "WHAT?! I've been robbed!"
"THIEF!" shouts Marin, not helping the situation at all by pointing at Link by her extreme lawful virtues. Mario involuntarily says obscenities.
To Be Continued...
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