Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Two-Part Chapters, Part 2
Last time, on Cardboard Mario: The Thousand-Year Sequel:
Toadsworth's evil plan to usurp the Mushroom Kingdom has finally come to fruition!
Will Yoshi and Birdo ever admit they truly love each other?
Parakarry has been hired as a hit-man to eliminate Toad. Will he succeed?
Peach and Luigi have decided to get married. Little do they know, Mario is secretly carrying Peach's baby!
Author: Oops, wrong story.
What REALLY happened last time, on Cardboard Mario: The Thousand-Year Sequel:
Mario became a hit-man for the Pianta Syndicate.
He enlisted as a fighter in the Glitz Pitz.
He met Bowser in the Minor League Locker Room.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled
story.
Minor League Locker Room
Bowser: Well, whaddaya know! I show up to get the Crystal Star off of this Rawk Hawk guy, and who shows up to stop me but Mr. Pain-In-The-Butt Mario.
Mario: It's been great talking to ya, big guy, but I, uh... yoink!
Mario attempts to dart from the room, but finds the door blocked by Kammy Koopa.
Kammy: Hehehehehe. You won't be escaping this time, Mario!
Kammy and Bowser advance slowly on Mario, pinning him in a corner. Just when it looks like his time has come, the door flies open, and one of the security workers enters.
Worker: The Great Garbonzo, you're up.
Bowser: Grrr... We'll finish this later, plumber.
Bowser stalks off, with Kammy close behind.
Goombella: Wow, lucky break.
Mario: Right. Well, we'd better get out of here, then.
Goombella: But what about the Crystal Star?
Mario: Let's see here... staying alive... getting a shiny rock... My vote goes for living, thank you very much.
Goombella: Well, then you don't get the grand prize of 1,000 coins, but if you say so...
Mario: Change of plans. We're setting up a match right now!
Battle Twenty: The Goomba Bros.
Mario: THIS is our first fight?
Goomba 1: Hey!
Goomba 2: You're Mario!
Goomba 3: The famous one!
Goomba 4: Who stomps on Goombas!
Goombella: This is completely pathetic. We could look at them funny and they'd die.
Goomba 1: Hey!
Goomba 2: We're not THAT pathetic!
Goomba 3: Now you're in for it!
Goomba 4: Watch out!
The Goombas leap on top of each other, forming a stack. Mario walks up and pokes it, causing it to fall over.
Goomba 1: NO!
Goomba 2: We've lost!
Goomba 3: How humiliating!
Goomba 4: ... I don't know what to say!
Battle Nineteen: The KP Koopas
King K: All right, guys. Let's show this new guy the ropes, eh?
KP Koopas: Yes, sir!
Goombella: What're you doing?
Mario is rummaging through a sack, until he finds what he was looking for, and removes a baseball bat.
Mario: SUPER SMASH BROTHERS MELEE!
He leaps at King K, smacking him with the baseball bat. King K goes flying backwards, colliding with his colleagues on the way.
Goombella: Well, whatever works.
Minor League Locker Room
King K: Wow, dude, you put up quite a fight.
Mario: Well, you didn't, so I had to compensate.
King K: ... I'll ignore that. Here, let me introduce you to the rest of the crew. This guy over here's Master Crash.
Master Crash: I'm *BOMB!* glad to meet *BOMBBOMB!* you. *BOMB!*
Mario: ... What?
King K: He has a bit of a speech impediment.
Master Crash: It's *BOMBBOMBBOMB!* hereditary.
King K: Riiight. That guy over there is Bandy Andy.
Andy: Glad ta' meetcha, Gonzalez.
Mario: Just call me Ma- HEY! MY WALLET'S GONE!
Andy dashes out the door, laughing maniacally.
King K: And that dude over there with the freakish purple shoes is Cleftor.
Cleftor: Bah. Me no like puny plumber. HULK SMASH!
Goombella: ... Oookaaay.
Mario: You're all a bunch of freaks, you know that, right?
King K: So we've been told.
Master Crash: *BOMBBOMB!*
Cleftor: HUUUULK SMAAAASH!
Battle Eighteen: United States Supreme Court Justices
Old Guys: *cough* We're getting too old for this.
Old Women: *hack* Yes, yes we are. We should retire.
Old Guys: But then our conservative agendas will be ruined!
Bush's Young New Supreme Court Nominee: Hey guys! Let's play Racquetball!
He throws racquetballs at the justices, slaying them.
Bush's Young New Supreme Court Nominee: Oops. I'm outta here!
He leaves.
Mario: ... I guess there wasn't really any need for me to participate in that.
Battle Seventeen: Crash Masters
Master Crash: All right *BOMB!* my Bob-omb comrades! For the *BOMB!* motherland! Let's *BOMBBOMB!*-
Master Crash's allies explode.
Master Crash: ... Forget *BOMB!* this. I'm going to *BOMB!* Burger King!
The police burst in and arrest him for threatening to bomb Burger King.
Battle Sixteen: The Hand-It-Overs
Andy: All right, guys, you know the drill. Let him win, but get all the loot you can!
The Bandits rush Mario. A short while later, Mario is left standing naked on the stage.
Goombella: I guess we win.
Mario: Sort of.
Minor League Locker Room
King K: Hey, Mario. I heard Andy gave you the old one-two in the ring.
Mario: Shut up.
King K: Hey, cool it, okay? Just trying to be friendly.
Suddenly, music erupts from Mario's pocket.
Goombella: Sounds like you've got mail.
Mario: ... What the?
Goombella: What's it say?
Mario: It says, "Follow the white rabbit." It's from someone named X.
Goombella: Megaman X?
Mario: Probably not. He's busy making sub-par sequels these days.
Goombella: Ah well. So what do you think the message means?
Mario: Probably nothing. I mean, what are the odds that a white rabbit would-
A white rabbit hops past the open door.
Mario: ... Never mind.
Mario and Goombella follow the rabbit out to the telephone booth on the pavilion.
Mario: There's a key down here...
Mario bends over and grabs the key. The booth's phone rings. Mario picks it up.
Mario: Hello?
Voice: If you hang up, I will kill you.
Mario: Wait, isn't that sort of like the movie Phonebooth?
Voice: Uh, yeah. I was kind of hoping you hadn't seen it.
The voice hangs up.
Mario: Weird.
Mario's Mailbox SP sounds off again.
Goombella: What now?
Mario: "This key leads to the storage room in back of the Glitz Pitz." It's from this X guy again.
A short while later, Mario and Goombella are hiding around a corner in the hallway.
Goombella: What's going on up there?
Mario: I don't know. Shut up so we can listen.
Jolene: ... So, all you know is that SOMEONE was inside the storage area?
Guard: Yes, ma'am. I found the lock picked, and went in to investigate. However, nothing was missing, and nobody was in the room.
Jolene: Listen up, and listen GOOD. There's a REASON this door is locked. If I EVER find out someone got in here, and you didn't apprehend them, I'll be forced to use the "termination clause" in your contract.
Guard: *gulp* Yes, ma'am.
Jolene: Good. I'm glad we understand one another.
Jolene stalks off.
Guard: *gulp* I need a stiff drink.
The guard wanders off. Mario and Goombella enter the storage area, and find a familiar white mouse rummaging through the boxes.
Mario: YOU AGAIN!
???: Hm? Oh, if it isn't Mr. Handsome Stache!
Goombella: You're the girl from Hooktail Castle!
???: So, you DO remember me! Smart girl.
Mario: So, considering you're a recurring character, do you have a name?
???: Why, I'm still being referred to with triple question marks! Allow me to introduce myself. I am... Ms. Mowz.
Readers: Duh.
Ms. Mowz: So, my handsome little cheese hunk, what are you doing here?
Mario: I haven’t a clue. I'm following the orders of an anonymous person, who has yet to make it clear if they're on my side or someone else’s.
Ms. Mowz: Sounds... stupid.
Mario: You don't know the half of it.
Ms. Mowz: Well, I've got what I came here for, so I'm off! But, before I go, a word of warning: there's something going on here that someone doesn't want anyone to find out about.
Goombella: Well, duh.
Ms. Mowz: Well, I'll be sure to see you again!
She leaps forward, gives Mario a kiss, then darts out the door.
Goombella: I really hate her. Anywho, it doesn't look like there's anything here anymore, so let's get back to the ring.
Mario: *grinning stupidly*
Goombella: ... Mario, are you even listening?
Mario: *grinning stupidly*
Goombella: *sigh*
Battle Fifteen: Sonic and Tails
Sonic: We're TIRED of selling less games than you, Mario!
Tails: Yeah! Because of you, we didn't even make it into Super Smash Bros. Melee!
Mario: What are you talking about? You weren't even CONSIDERED for the game.
Tails: ... *sniffle* You, you don't have to be so mean about it!
Tails bursts into tears. Sonic begins trying to comfort him.
Sonic: Shhh, shhh. It's okay, little buddy. Hush little baby, don't say a word...
Tails: *sniffle* Say, what's that smell?
Sonic: What smell?
Tails: It smells like the fuse of a stick of dynamite.
Sonic: ... Oh boy.
Violence occurs, suffice to say Mario wins.
Minor League Locker Room
Mario: You know, I'm getting kind of hungry.
King K: Hungry, you say?
Goombella: We weren't talking to you. You scare small children.
King K: You should try Hoggle's new egg hotdogs. They're supposed to be delish. Oh, and I'm retiring. Just thought you should know.
Mario: You're retiring? YES! Come, Goombella! Let us celebrate this joyous event with an egg hotdog from Hoggles!
King K: ... I hate you.
Out on the pavilion, near Hoggle's stand
Mario: What the-
Goombella: Is that a jumping egg?
Hoggle: HELP! I ordered this rare egg from Yoshi's Island, and it won't sit still long enough for me to cook it!
Mario: Leave it to me!
Now, I won't go into detail as to what
happens from there. However, I assure you it's quite hilarious, and if
you can imagine a fat Italian trying to tackle a leaping egg for several
hours, you'll get the gist of it. Also,
feel free to imagine innocent bystanders
placing bets that the egg will win. Eventually, Mario catches the egg.
Mario: I've got it!
Goombella: You know, if the egg was moving, chances are there's something... alive in there.
Hoggle: Then what should we do?
Mario: Hmmm... a tough choice. On one hand, this egg will eventually produce life. On the other hand, I'm very hungry... LET THERE BE HOTDOGS!
A short while later, Mario and Goombella are eating egg hotdogs.
Mario: I like to think these tough moral choices build character.
Battle Fourteen: Bundt the Killer Wedding Cake
Mario: DESSERT! SWEET!
Battle Thirteen: A Dance Dance Revolution Machine
Mario: This'll be easy.
Mario puts in two quarters and begins dancing.
Mario: Oh, uh, er, aw, I think I'm getting the- whoop!
Mario falls over, and a mechanical hand pops out of the machine, beating Mario to a pulp.
Machine: Your dancing sucks! Never play on this machine again!
Battle Thirteen: A Dance Dance Revolution Machine (Take two)
Goombella: Watch this.
Goombella puts in two quarters, sets it to the hardest difficulty, and begins dancing... flawlessly. The score just gets higher, and higher, and higher, until it gets so large that it fries the processor.
Mario: Show off.
Minor League Locker Room
Goombella: At this rate, we'll have the Crystal Star in no time.
Mario: And I'll have a big pile of money.
The door flies open, and Rawk Hawk bursts into the room.
Rawk: Okay, chumps, where's the punk who's breaking all my records? The Gonzalez guy. Where is he?!
Cleftor: Puny human hiding in locker. HULK SMASH!!!
Rawk rips Mario's locker from the wall and throws it across the room. Mario stumbles from the wreckage, obviously dazed.
Rawk: That's just a warning, punk. Step off before you get RAAAWWWKED!
Rawk Hawk marches from the room.
Goombella: Mario! DID YOU SEE THAT?!
Mario: Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are...
Goombella: Mario, the Crystal Star on his belt's a fake!
Mario: Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky...
Goombella: ... Mario?
Mario: Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are...
Battle Twelve: Cleftor
Cleftor: HULK SMASH!
???: Excuse me.
Cleftor turns around, and finds Percival Miles standing there.
Percival: Hello, I'm Percival Miles. My law firm is representing Marvel Comics, and I've come to inform you that your repeated use of the phrase "Hulk smash" is in violation of copyright laws. Take him away, boys.
The police drag a dumbfounded Cleftor off the stage.
Mario: Hey, Percy. Is there anything you DON'T do?
Percival: No.
Battle Eleven: Bowser and Kammy
Bowser: I've waited a long time for this, Mario!
Mario: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Bowser: And now, feel the wrath of Bowser, Evil Koopa King!
Kammy: And Kammy Koopa!
Goombella: Mario, are you sure we can take them?
Mario: Of course we can! Just watch.
Bowser: Now, normally I'd fight you fair and square, but that's just not my style. Kammy, show 'em!
Kammy raises her wand into the air, and the lights dim.
Kammy: By my evil might, BEHOLD! SUPER BOWSER!
She releases the spell on Bowser, who then shrinks.
Bowser: Kammy...
Kammy: Uh, I think I hear the kettle boiling!
Kammy flees. Mario steps on the now miniscule Bowser, crushing him.
Battle Ten: The Iron Adonis Twins
Red: Fools! We're the Iron Adonis Twins!
Green: That's right! See these bods? Completely indestructable!
Red: And these spikes? Can pierce anything!
Goombella: But wait, isn't that a paradox?
Red: Huh?
Goombella: It's just like the question of what happens if an unstoppable object hits an object that cannot move. The answer is that the two cannot possibly coexist in the same universe, so the question is moot. Your spikes and body contradict each other, therefore you cannot exist.
Green: Gee, she's right.
The Iron Adonis Twins vanish in a puff of logic.
Grubba's Office
Grubba: Well, I'll be a Goomba's uncle! You really know your stuff, Gonzalez!
Mario: It's nothing.
Grubba: No, really! You be bustin' all of Rawk Hawk's records left and right!
Mario: Seriously, it's nothing.
Grubba: Well, if ya'll say so. I was going ta give you a raise, but if ya say so.
Mario: NO! IT'S SOMETHING! IT'S SOMETHING!
Grubba: Ah well. That's life, ain't it? Anywho, you're being promoted to the Major Leagues now, so pack yer bags up.
Battle Nine: George W. Bush, leader of the free world
Bush: Eh, guys, what's happening?
Mario: Okay, some of these battles are stretching it, but this is getting ridiculous.
Bush: So guess what? My dad bought me a brand new gun! Now, he said I just point it at you guys and pull this doohickey here, and I win!
Bush pulls the trigger, and shoots himself.
Goombella: Unfortunately, his dad failed to explain which end the bullets come out of.
Major League Locker Room
Mario: You know, it's been a while since we got an Email from that X person.
Mario's Mailbox SP goes off.
Mario: Speak of the devil.
Goombella: What's it say?
Mario: It says to go to the Juice Bar.
They do so.
Koops: GUYS!
Koops runs forward and hugs Mario.
Mario: ... Do I know you?
Koops: Silly Mario! I helped you defeat Hooktail!
Goombella: Oh yeah! Your name was Kip, wasn't it?
Koops: Forgetting a person's name is the worst insult a person can get. Now my self esteem is worse than usual, and I'll get fired from my job here. The added stress of being unemployed will ruin my immune system. I think I'm \getting the flu.
Mario: Nice seeing you, Kip.
Koops falls onto his back, shivering uncontrollably.
Mario: Poor guy, wish we could help him.
They approach the guy manning the counter.
Mario: Excuse me, but I was told to come here.
Barkeeper: Oh, you're that Gonzalez chap, right? Someone dropped by earlier and left this for you.
The Barkeeper hands Mario a hammer.
Barkeeper: That's the Hammawhack 3000, the latest in thwacking technology. Someone must really like you.
Mario: What technology? It's a metal cylinder on a stick.
Barkeeper: Technology is a very loose term these days.
Battle Eight: Simon Belmont
Simon: Prepare to be sent back to the underworld, demon!
Mario: Look, behind you! It's Dracula!
Simon: Like I haven’t heard that one before.
Dracula drives a knife through Simon's heart.
Mario: Warned you.
Battle Seven: Howard Dean
Dean: YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!
His head explodes.
Goombella: Career suicide.
Minor League Locker Room
Mario: So, the Email said to bust down a suspicious wall...
Goombella: Perhaps that big yellow one?
Mario: ... Naw. I think it's the restroom.
Mario begins bashing the wall again and again with his hammer.
Goombella: Uh, Mario?
Mario: Must... crush... wall...
Goombella: MARIO!!!
Mario: What?
Goombella: Just bash the &@#* wall!
Mario: *sigh* Fine.
He taps the wall lightly with his hammer, and it crumbles away.
Goombella: Told ya so.
Mario: I'll pretend this never happened.
They enter the secret room and find a sheet of paper.
Goombella: It's a research paper on the Crystal Star! It even has pictures!
Mario: Oh, pictures!
Jolene: And just WHAT do you THINK you are DOING, Mr. Gonzalez?!
Mario: Uh...
He hides the paper behind his back.
Mario: Nothing.
Jolene: The paper, Gonzalez.
Mario hands over the research paper.
Jolene: And just what are you doing in the Minor League room, anyway? You know the policies: this is for Minor Leaguers ONLY. Now, if you'd kindly return to YOUR locker room, I have business to attend to.
Jolene turns and leaves.
Goombella: What an idiot.
Mario: That's nothing. You should see Peach when I don't get her a birthday gift.
Battle Five: Bill Gates
Audience Member: Hold up! What happened to battle six?
Author: Budget cuts.
Audience Member: Ah.
Bill Gates: I'm the richest man in the world, because I created a multi-million dollar operating system. Everyone loves me!
Mario: There is only one way to rid ourselves of this demon.
Mario reaches into his pocket, and removes a computer printout.
Mario: Get back! I have actual code!
Bill Gates: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M MELTING! MELTING! OH, THE AGONY OF IT ALL! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, MARK MY WORDS! I'LL GET YOUUUUUUUUUU!
A janitor mops him up and leaves.
Battle Four: The 4Kids Marketing Director
Director: Hmmm... We've just obtained the rights to yet another high-quality anime from Japan. Let's change the characters' personalities, use horrible voiceovers, and destroy any semblance of a plot!
Goombella: But why?
Director: Because we can.
Suddenly, an angry mob of anime fans bursts into the arena.
Mob Member: THERE HE IS! GET HIM!
The director dashes from the room, with the mob close behind.
Battle Three: The Koopa Bros.
Red: We're cool!
Green: We're awesome!
Yellow: We rock!
Black: We rule!
Together: We're the Koopa Bros!
Red: And we're here for revenge, Mario!
Mario: You know, Black said you were fat.
Red: WHAT?!
He turns and begins to throttle Black.
Yellow: Hey! I like Black!
Yellow tackles Red.
Green: I'll save you, Boss!
Green jumps into the fray. After a short while, the scuffle is over, and the four Koopa Bros. lie unconscious.
Lemmy: Wait a minute. You used that joke in the first Cardboard Mario!
Author: Waste not, want not.
Major League Locker Room
Mario: Well, we're two battles away from the finals, and a big pile of money.
Mario's Mailbox SP goes off.
Goombella: What now?
Mario: It's from X. It says, "Go to the second floor of the storage room. There's a switch behind some crates."
Goombella: Well, what're we waiting for?
They return to the storage room, activate the hidden switch, and climb the stairs to the second floor. Mario's Mailbox SP goes off again.
Mario: "Go through the door at the end of the hall." ... Is this X guy watching us?
They glance toward the audience.
Goombella: You're starting to sound like Frankly. Let's just get this over with.
They enter the room, and begin looking around the various crates.
Goombella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mario: What?
Goombella: OH MY GOD!!!
Mario walks over and looks behind the crate where Goombella is standing.
Mario: GOOD LORD!!! IT'S KING K! AND ANDY!
The corpses of King K and Bandy Andy are lying on the ground.
Goombella: That's disgusting! Ugh! Let's get out of here!
Mario: Wait. There's a note being clutched by Andy's... remains.
Mario attempts to remove the note from Andy's clutches, but it won't budge. Mario gives it a very sharp tug, and the note is released, along with Andy's hand.
Mario: UGH!
Mario and Goombella dash from the room and to the bathroom. A short while later, they've recovered enough to read the note.
Mario: "Beware the Arena when alone. And don't trust..." Oh, come on!
Goombella: What?
Mario: How clichéd is that?! I mean, he dies JUST BEFORE HE CAN REVEAL THE PERPETRATOR?! COME ON!
Mario rips the note in half and tosses it in the waste basket.
Mario: Come on, let's go beat some innocent fighters up.
Battle Two: Percival Miles
Mario: Two appearances in one chapter, Percy? That's a first.
Percival: My name is PERCIVAL, not Percy. And I don't get paid enough for this.
Percival walks off.
Goombella: Good enough for me.
Battle One: Rocky Balboa
The music "Eye of the Tiger" begins to play, and Rocky bursts through the door.
Rocky: ADRIAN! ADRIAN!
He begins jogging toward the stairs. He slips on the second step, falls down, and kills himself.
Mario: Well, that's ironic?
Goombella: How so?
Mario: Well, the stairs. In the first movie.
Goombella: How is that ironic?
Mario: He climbed the stairs, and then he falls... Oh, forget it.
Major League Locker Room
Mario: This is it, the Championship match. Scared?
Goombella: Naw. This Rawk Hawk guy looks like a punk.
A guard enters.
Guard: Match time, Gonzalez. Follow me.
They follow the guard to an unused locker room.
Guard: Wait here.
He leaves.
Mario: WAIT!
He tries to follow, but finds the door locked.
Mario: We've been had! Now I can't get my prize money!
Goombella: We've got to get to the arena!
Arena
Grubba: Well, folks, here we are, the epic Championship match between our current champ, Rawk Hawk, and our newest fighter, The Great Gonzalez! I assure you, this fight'll be quite the doozy! Now entering the arena from the right, RAWK HAWK!
Rawk Hawk enters the arena, amid screaming fans.
Grubba: So, Rawk, what do you have to say about Gonzalez bustin' ALL Y'ER OLD RECORDS?!
Rawk: Bah. The chump's going down! I bet he doesn't even show up, the pansy.
Grubba: Big words from the Big Champ! And now, entering the arena, is the GREAT GONZALEZ!
Mario walks through the door.
Rawk: What the- How'd you get out of the locker room?
Goombella: The guard forgot that the door locks from the inside.
Rawk: Well, that doesn't matter, because I'll crush you anyways!
Rawk Hawk jumps into the air and attempts to body slam Mario. Mario dives out of the way at the last moment, and Rawk Hawk smashes THROUGH the arena.
Grubba: Well, lookee here! There's a compartment under the arena! I didn't know about this!
Suddenly, a gunshot is fired in the crowd.
Jolene: Everyone out, or I start shooting! OUT! NOW!
The crowds flee the arena, screaming.
Grubba: Now, Miss Jolene! What's with all the hooplaw? You wanna raise?
Jolene: Quiet. You've uncovered my secret. Now I'll have to kill you, the same way I killed King K and Bandy Andy.
Goombella: What secret?
Jolene removes a remote control from her pocket and pushes a button. A strange machine, powered by the Crystal Star, rises from the arena.
Goombella: Wow. That's... big.
Grubba: All this time, I never knew...
Mario: ... Hey Grubba. Is this a bad time to ask for my prize money?
Jolene fires her gun into the air again.
Jolene: Quiet. You're interrupting my villainous rant of my evil scheme. This strength-sucking machine removes the life force from its occupants and converts it into strength for its target. Unfortunately, my accomplice didn't realize how much stronger he'd become after getting infused with King K and Bandy Andy's energy.
Goombella: You mean...
Jolene: That's right, Rawk Hawk has been helping me from the get-go. I help him keep winning fights, and I get half the prize money from each fight. But now, you leave me no choice but to kill you. Everyone, get in the machine.
Grubba, Mario, and Goombella are forced into the machine at gunpoint.
Jolene: I must say, Gonzalez, it's been fun, but now, goodbye.
Mario: WAIT!
Jolene: What?
Mario: If you're the evil villain of this chapter, and Grubba was obviously clueless, than who kept Emailing us with hints?
???: IT WAS I!
Everyone turns to look at the newcomer.
Jolene: NO! It can't be!
???: That's right, Jolene. It is I, PRINCE MUSH!
Jolene: Brother, get back. Don't think I won't shoot you!
Goombella: Wait wait wait. Brother?
Grubba: Mush was the original champ of the Glitz Pitz. He just up an' vanished one night.
Jolene: Mush, I don't want to do this, but you know too much. Get in the machine.
Mush: Sis, it's not too late. Drop the gun, and we'll talk about it.
Jolene: No. I'm not going to prison. Now, get in the machine.
Mush: ... No. You'll just have to shoot me.
Jolene: ... Then I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, Mush.
Suddenly, someone bursts in from another entrance.
Koops: KOOPS TO THE RESCUE!
Jolene turns and shoots Koops, and Mush takes the opportunity to jump her.
Koops: ... URK!
Koops falls to the ground.
Mario: Well, it looks like you folks have things covered. I'll just be taking THIS-
Mario climbs up and grabs the Crystal Star.
Mario: -and I'll take my prize money and be on my way.
Grubba: About that: your prize money was 1,000 coins, and that wall you broke in the Minor League room cost 10,000 coins.
Mario: Uh... QUICK! LOOK OVER THERE!
Mario grabs Goombella and darts from the room, despite the fact that Grubba didn't look.
Goombella: Well, that ends that story.
Mario: Yep. I keep thinking we forgot something, though.
In the pit beneath the arena...
Rawk: Ugh... My head... Hello? Anyone out there? I'm kind of stuck...
End chapter.