Special thanks to Lemmy Koopa for accepting
this story, Dasina-chan for Luigi and Daisy Unlocked and the inspiration
for this story, and Intelligent Systems for creating Paper Mario 2.
In the dim town called Twilight Town, there’s not much reason to smile, but one cute, young Shadow Siren was smiling like there was no tomorrow even though she was washing dishes! Her name was Vivian. I’ll tell you why she was smiling. She’d received a letter that morning. I know what you’re thinking. What so special about a letter? This was no ordinary letter. It was a love letter. It read,
Dear Vivian,
I think that you are the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen. Please meet me at Creepy Steeple tomorrow.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer.
PS. Meet me at 3PM.
Her sisters thought it was disgusting. (They were really jealous!) The envelope smelled like really expensive aftershave, but Vivian wondered why he wanted to meet her at Creepy Steeple. She hated the place but would do anything to meet her secret admirer.
“Bah!” said Beldam, Vivian’s eldest sister. “Love. Who needs it? Nobody!”
“Guh!” said Marilyn, who always talked like this. From now on I will translate Marilyn’s speech without the “Guh!”s. “Too true,” Marilyn had meant to say, “we don’t need love. Don’t go, Vivian!”
“You’re just jealous because you’re so ugly, you’ll never get a boyfriend. I’ve got to phone my friends and tell them the wonderful news!” She stuck her tongue out at her sisters and ran upstairs to phone Goombella.
“You’re jealous too, aren’t you?” Beldam asked Marilyn.
“Yep.”
“Well, how about we mess up Vivian’s big date tomorrow? Here’s what we’ll do…”
FIRST DATE
Vivian ran along Twilight Trail in hopes that she would meet her admirer. She was wearing her lucky hat instead of her normal red and white striped one. This hat was pink and white striped. She didn’t suspect that her sisters were following her and planning to ruin her day.
“Remember the plan, Marilyn?” Beldam whispered.
“I launch a bag of soot at Vivian, she gets embarrassed and runs home crying and never sees this guy again. Yeah, I think I got it.”
“Then…” Beldam urged.
“Then, at home, I comfort her and try to make her believe that all men are pigs while you try to make the guy fall for you,” Marilyn said.
Soon Vivian approached Creepy Steeple, and there at the gate was the most handsome man she’d ever seen.
“Are you… my secret admirer?” she asked.
“Yes, Vivian. I’m Greg. You… er… Want to go and get a bite to eat?” Greg said.
“Sure! Let’s go back to town. Come on!”
Then Marilyn launched the soot but it
missed and went into the well.
“We don’t want this!” a Buzzy Beetle
who lived in the well under the Steeple shouted. “Have it back!” A Parabuzzy
then came up from the well and dropped the bag on Beldam and Marilyn.
“Drat and double drat!” Beldam said.
Meanwhile in town at the inn…
“Greg, this is the second best time I’ve ever had. It’s second only to when I saved the world with Mario and my friends. Ooh, here comes the waiter with our food. My Peachy Peach!”
“My Shroom Fry! Vivian, I love you more than anything in the world and I would move the stars themselves, just to see you smile,” Greg said.
“Aww! That’s so sweet.”
“But not as sweet as you, darling,” Greg said. Vivian leaned over the table and kissed him. Greg did the same thing, and then they began to eat.
“It’s sickening, isn’t it Marilyn?” Beldam said disgustedly.
“I actually think it’s kind of beautiful. Maybe this is true love. Maybe this could go all the way. Maybe they’ll have kids. Imagine that! Me, an auntie!”
“Get a grip, Marilyn! We need to stop that from happening!” Beldam said.
“Well you can do it without me, because I’m going to find my own boyfriend!” Marilyn shouted and walked out of the inn.
Later…
“I’ve had a wonderful evening, Greg, but I have to go. My sisters said that I have to be in at 9, and it’s 9:30!” Vivian said. “Goodbye. I’ll see you tomorrow at my house?”
“I’ll walk you home.” The couple walked to Vivian’s house, and on the porch they kissed passionately and said their goodbyes.
“This is not good. I have to break them
up myself, and I know just how to do it, too,” an angry Beldam said and
snapped her fingers…
SECOND DATE
Vivian and Greg had arranged to meet to see Scary Movie 3 at the Rogueport Cinema. She had been waiting for him for about three minutes when Greg showed up. They didn’t know that Beldam was hiding behind a plant instead of in the shadows. Why? To ruin the date, duh! Oh, wait. You mean why she didn’t hide in the shadows. She’s cunning but stupid!
“Repetition is the key to success, so I’ll go over this plan one more time to myself. As soon as the movie begins, I’ll take a seat between those lovebirds and they won’t be able to do anything romantic. After the movie, I’ll drag Vivian home and not let them do anything to even say goodbye. And if she gets another date I’ll lock her in her room! Easy!” Beldam whispered to herself.
“Greg! Good to see you again!” Vivian said and leapt into his arms to hug and kiss him.
“Good to see you again too, my little flower petal!”
“Eww!” Beldam said from behind the bushes. The couple walked into the theater, holding each other’s hands. Beldam followed them quietly. Once inside the room where the movie was taking place, Beldam made her move.
“Why, Vivian! I didn’t expect to see you here, and this must be your lovely new boyfriend! What’s his name? And can I join you?”
“Greg. And you can leave us alone. This is OUR date and you can’t ruin it! FIREY JINX!” Vivian said and used her spell to get rid of Beldam.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” she screamed as she flew off into the distance.
The movie itself was very scary, in fact, the scariest movie Vivian had ever seen. She cuddled up close to Greg numerous times and screamed.
“Well that was… an interesting movie,” Greg said when it was over. “Your sister seems… friendly.”
“She’s just jealous!” Vivian replied and kissed him again. “Goodbye for now. I’ve got chores to do. Bye!” she said and ran home. Greg went home too, and this is where the story takes an interesting turn…
CREEPY STEEPLE
Beldam had followed Greg home and was shocked to find him living at Creepy Steeple. She had come to dig up some dirt on him so Vivian wouldn’t like him. She didn’t know how much she would get!
Greg walked up to the tower room where Doopliss lived. He fell onto the bed and transformed into the evil Duplighost Doopliss! Beldam, shocked, fell off the windowsill she was hanging on to. Doopliss didn’t hear the crash.
“I love her so much,” Doopliss said dreamily. “At the end of our next date I’ll propose! It’s a little soon but I love Vivian!” He kissed a picture of Vivian on his wall and fell asleep.
TWILIGHT TOWN
Beldam had rushed home faster than Sonic and Shadow’s top running speeds combined!
“VIVIANTHATGUY’SDOOPLISSANDHEWANTSTOMARRYYOUANDBCSDHTCGFHFVH
HERJGFVEHRGFCSDGBVHJKRGROEUVFHJHGBEWKEUIRVYUILRGV!”
“What?” Vivian asked.
“I’m back!” Marilyn said as she walked in the door.
“Oh my god! Marilyn, you look great!” Vivian exclaimed. It was true. Marilyn had lost weight, got her hair cut at the fringe and lengthened at the back, and put on luscious lipstick and eye shadow that would bring any man to his knees. There was no other word for it. Marilyn was hot! The three sisters hugged, as they were a family again.
“How’s your boyfriend, Viv?” Marilyn asked.
“Great! We had another date today. We saw Scary Movie 3!”
“Vivian, about your boyfriend…” Beldam began. She explained everything she saw and heard at Creepy Steeple.
“£%$^!” Marilyn said. “Vivian, I’m sorry!”
“What are you talking about? The swearing I can excuse, but I don’t believe you, Beldam!” Vivian replied to both other Sirens.
“But it’s true!”
“I don’t wanna hear another word out of you! I’m sick of you making me do the chores and I’m sick of all your punishments! It’s not fair!”
“I suppose this would be a bad time to introduce you to my boyfriend?” Marilyn asked. Surprisingly, Rawk Hawk walked in. “Not now, dear. Wait outside, ok?” Marilyn said.
“Fine then! Accept a monster’s proposal! See what I care!” Beldam walked out of the house and headed to the Palace of Shadows to stay the night.
THIRD DATE
The couple headed to the carnival in Petalburg to spend the day. They had decided to double date with Marilyn and Rawk Hawk. (Please don’t ask how they got together! It’s a story that involves a funnel, a diary, and an apple tree!) Marilyn saw “Greg” (Doopliss) talking to the carny at the Ferris wheel. She thought that he would ask Vivian to marry him up there at the top! She smiled and thought, “How sweet!”
Rawk Hawk spied quite a few men wolf-whistling at Marilyn. “Quit ogling my girlfriend or I’ll Rawk your world!”
“He’s really quite sweet when you get to know him, you know.”
“Come on, Vivian, let’s ride the Ferris wheel!”
“Ok! You’re keen!”
They got on and when they got to the top, Vivian could see the whole country, including Glitzville! Greg stood up, crouched down on one knee, and asked, “Vivian, you are the most beautiful woman who ever lived. Will you make me the happiest man who ever lived and marry me?”
Vivian, remembering what Beldam said,
thought and replied, “Yes! Greg I will marry you.” Greg produced a ring
from his pocket and put it on her.
The rest of the date was pretty uneventful. A Toad got drunk and ran around slapping people, and Rawk Hawk threw up on the roller coaster, but that’s it. At the end the couples kissed and headed home.
“That was a lovely day, wasn’t it, Vivian? We got some good weather for it, didn’t we?” Marilyn asked. As if on cue, it started raining.
“In this order: Yes, yes, and you jinxed it.” The two Shadow Sirens headed back to Twilight Town to find that Beldam still wasn’t in the house.
“I miss Beldam,” Marilyn said gloomily.
“I don’t!” Vivian replied. “She was mean, selfish, bossy, and lazy, to say the least!”
Later that night, Vivian was in her room, staring at her engagement ring. She would marry the man of her dreams soon. So why did something not feel right?
“Hey. I brought you some warm cocoa,” Marilyn said as she walked through the bedroom door.
“Thanks. I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I can do a lot of things you do around here.”
“Marilyn, you look so different. How did you change so much in only one day?”
“Time Travel! It’s a wonderful thing, you know! I kept going back in time every time the day ended so I could get more treatment. The Beauty Parlor I went to had a one-day special. I stole a time machine from E. Gadd.”
“Makes sense, I suppose. Marilyn…”
“Yes, Sister?”
“Something doesn’t feel right.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’ll come to you…”
Months passed and Beldam didn’t return.
The couples had more dates and Rawk Hawk proposed at the end of one of
his matches. Marilyn exclaimed, “YES!!!” and it was agreed that the two
couples would get married on the same day at a double wedding. Vivian still
couldn’t figure out what felt wrong, though…
THE DOUBLE WEDDING
“Here Comes the Bride” played as Vivian and Marilyn walked down the aisle and stood next to their grooms: Greg and Rawk Hawk. The whole cast of Paper Mario 2, including Mario and Luigi, was there. The ceremony was uneventful until…
“If there is any person in this room who objects to these couples being wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace…”
“I OBJECT!” Shrek shouted as he burst in.
“Wrong church, Shrek,” Marilyn said. “Duloc is that way,” she added, pointing right.
“Thank you,” he said and ran off.
“Anyone else?”
“I OBJECT!!!” Beldam shouted as she burst in. “Vivian’s groom is a fraud! He is a Duplighost. Not just any Duplighost. This is Doopliss from Creepy Steeple.”
“She’s a nut! If I’m a Duplighost, prove it,” Greg retorted.
“Gladly. Your name is Doopliss,” Beldam said. If you say a Duplighost’s name to him, as you should know, he loses his powers. So Greg transformed back into Doopliss.
“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! You’ll pay for this, Beldam!” His true form revealed, Doopliss was doomed. He knew it.
“Well this is a shocking turn of events,” the minister said. “Are you still going to marry this guy?”
“NO WAY!!! He tricked me and I… kissed a Duplighost! Ewww!”
“But don’t you see, Vivian? I love you.”
“Sisters, let’s take care of this guy…”
“Oh, crud,” Doopliss said. The three sisters hit him so hard he flew out of the church and back to Creepy Steeple.
“YOU KILLJOYS!!! WHAT A JOLLY GOOD TWILIGHT!!!” he screamed as he flew back.
“Beldam, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” Vivian said.
“And I’m sorry for picking on you and making you do the chores and…”
“I’m sorry your apology is so long!”
“Me too!” The three sisters hugged as they were a family again.
“Are you still getting married?” the minister asked Marilyn.
“Duh!”
“Then I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.”
EPILOGUE
What happened to everyone after that fiasco? Rawk Hawk moved in with the Sirens and the chores were divided equally for a change! Marilyn became a master chef, Beldam was much nicer, Doopliss became an actor for other love stories, Vivian won Survivor, and they all lived Happily Ever After.
The End
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