Once upon a time, there was a pair of twins, Iggy and Lemmy. They did everything together. They ate ice cream together, played video games together, listened to music together, and got pummeled by their older brother Roy together.
But, one day, Iggy and Lemmy got into
a terrible fight. They decided never to speak again, and that they were
now mortal enemies. One simple fight would lead to a war of the minds,
and the family...
Iggy: Hey, Lemmy! Look at those clouds! That one looks like a chemically enhanced Yoshi clone!
Lemmy: Good one! That one looks like a jester!
Iggy: Yeah, kinda like he's juggling. Ooh! That one looks like Roy!
Lemmy: Except smarter! That one looks like a pretty girl!
Iggy: It is a pretty girl!
Iggy takes one look at the beautiful girl and his heart melts. He starts fixing his hair.
Iggy: How do I look?
Lemmy: Like me. Why are you getting all fussy?
Iggy: I'm gonna go talk to her.
Lemmy: That's stupid, she doesn't look like your type. She's more-
Lemmy looks up at her, and his heart melts, too.
Lemmy: -like my type…
Iggy: Hey, back off! I saw her first!
Lemmy: No, I did, remember?
Iggy: Yeah, but you thought she was a cloud! I'm the one who knew what she was!
Lemmy: Finders, keepers! Losers-
Iggy is at his feet and running toward the girl, Lemmy gets up and tackles him.
Iggy: Get offa me!
Lemmy: I saw her first! She likes me bestest!
Iggy: Bestest isn't a word! She likes me!
Lemmy: No, me!
Iggy: Me!
Lemmy: No, me!
Iggy: Me!
Lemmy: No, me! Me! Meeeee!
Iggy: Meeeee!
Lemmy: I'm not talking to you anymore!
Iggy: Fine! I don't want you to talk to me anymore.
Lemmy: Well, I don't want you to want me to not talk to you!
Iggy: Well, I don't want you not to want me to want you to not talk to me!
Lemmy: Well, I don't want you to not want me to not want you to want me to stop talking to you!
Iggy: Well, I don't-
Larry (who was sitting there the whole time): Shut up! You go over there, you go over there!
Iggy: Fine! I want to go over here!
Lemmy: Well, I want you to want-
Larry: Silence!
Iggy: (to himself) Fine, I want to be silent!
So, Iggy sits by a tree, far away from the pretty girl. Lemmy sits on a rock, just as far from the pretty girl. The two sigh.
Lemmy: I'm never gonna talk to that stupid Iggy anymore! Maybe I could get Roy to beat him up!
Iggy: I'm not speaking to that stupid Lemmy anymore! Hey, maybe I could get Ludwig to help me neutralize him, or something!
Lemmy and Iggy both get evil smiles.
Larry: I don't like where this is going…
So, the next day, Lemmy confronts Roy, who is punching a punching bag at the time.
Lemmy: Hey, Roy, I-
Roy misses the bag and nails Lemmy in the face.
Lemmy: Babaloo!
Lemmy falls onto the ground, unconscious. Moments later, he rises.
Lemmy: Roy, I need you to-
This time, Roy hits Lemmy on purpose, sending him on a a one-way trip to loose-tooth city.
Lemmy: Kalamazoo!
Lemmy again falls.
Meanwhile, with Iggy...
Iggy: You see, Ludwig, I can build a neutralizer beam, but I need the materials. Do you know where I can find any?
Ludwig: Vell, it seems like you vere ze one who spotted zis pretty girl first, or identified it, anyvay… I can lend you my materials, but I vould rather you not neutralize my brother.
Iggy: I can set it to sun… maybe… I'm glad you're taking my side!
With Lemmy...
Roy: So, you're saying you'll pay me to beat up Iggy?
Lemmy: Yeth, will you?
Roy: Yeah-uh! I beat Iggy up every day! It's about time I get paid!
Lemmy: That'th thuper, Roy! I'm tho glad you're taking my thide!
Roy: What about high-tide?
So, after Lemmy got replacement teeth, he went to see Larry.
Lemmy: …So that's what happened! Will you join me and Roy?
Larry: No, Iggy already asked me, and I told him no! I'm not taking sides! And besides, that girl was-
Lemmy: If you're not with me, you're against me! I'm gonna-
Larry: By the way, Roy won't be of any help if he's neutralized…
Lemmy: What?
With Iggy...
Iggy: So, you see, Morty, that's why I'm right! I need you to… uh… (Ludwig, help me out here!)
Ludwig: (You want him to annoy Lemmy, right?)
Iggy: (Yeah, but I can't tell him that!)
Morton: (Cool! I can see my thoughts.)
Ludwig: (Tell him he's ze final step in your mazter plan, and wizout him, you're ruined!)
Iggy: (Okay!) … You're the final step in my master plan, and without you… I'm ruined! Ruined!
Iggy starts to weep heavily.
Morton: No! Don't cry! I'll join you, amigo, brother, friend, Iggy, mon frere!
Iggy: *sniff* Thank you…
Ludwig: (Bravo! Excellent performance.)
With Lemmy...
Lemmy: Wendy, baby sister, you know you gotta join us! Remember Super Mario World? We were the team, Wendy! The team!
Wendy: Will you, like, buy me things?
Lemmy: (I spent all my money on Roy…) But, of course!
Wendy: Cool! I'll, like, join you, then!
Lemmy: Perfect… We attack-
Lemmy is suddenly holding a large sword.
Lemmy: -at dawn!
And so, the next morning marks the showdown. Larry is eating breakfast when Iggy walks in, followed by Roy, then Morton, Lemmy, Roy, and Wendy.
Iggy: Lemmy…
Lemmy: Iggy…
Larry: Look, guys, can't we just-
Iggy: Silence!
Larry: …
Iggy: Now, Lemmy, your reign of terror will end! I will destroy you!
Larry: What reign of-
Lemmy: My reign of terror? It is but your reign of terror that will end today!
Larry: What reign of-
Iggy: Yeah, well, I've got Ludwig… and this!
Iggy pulls out the neutralizer beam.
Lemmy: Well, I have Roy! And this!
Lemmy pulls out the giant sword.
Morton and Wendy: What about us?!
Iggy and Lemmy: Silence!
Lemmy: You're going down!
Iggy: No, you are!
Larry: Oh, boy…
The two drop their weapons and sissy-slap each other. Roy and Ludwig shoot looks back and forth.
Larry: Now isn't the time, guys! Dad says that Mario is-
Iggy: Ow!
Iggy's glasses are on the floor, broken.
Iggy: He hit me in the eye!
Iggy kicks the ball that Lemmy is riding. It pops.
Lemmy: He popped my rolling ball!
The two start crying.
Larry: Jeez, guys, now is not the time! Dad says that Mario is trying to-
Iggy: You went too far that time, Lemmy! Too far!
Lemmy: As did you, Iggy! As did you!
Larry: EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP! Look! Mario was planning to do something twisted today, after Dad captured the princess yesterday. He's probably coming here! If he gets the princess back, Dad won't have anything on Tatanga,and Wart. And besides, that girl was-
Ludwig: Larry is right! Ve must put out differences aside and stop zhat imbecile Mario vrom taking Dad down!
Iggy: Well, I'm not going if Lemmy's going!
Lemmy: Well I don't want you to go if I go!
Larry: Shut up! You go to your room, you go to yours!
Ludwig: Now, zhen, I believe Mario vill be entering from zhat vay and coming in zhrough-
Somebody taps Ludwig on the back.
Ludwig: Not now, Larry, Mario is-
Voice: It's-a me, Mario!
Ludwig turns to see Mario staring back at him.
Ludwig: Oh… crab cakes…
Mario punts Ludwig into the wall, cracking his shell. Roy goes after Mario, but Mario pushes his head into his shell, swings him around by the tail, and flings him on top of Ludwig. Roy's shell shatters.
Ludwig: Eew…
Roy: What?
Roy is wearing boxers with hearts on them.
Roy: Yeah… shut up…
Morton: Oh no! Again he has defeated our brothers, and it is up to us to stop him!
Mario punches Morton square in the face.
Morton: Peaches are… Peach… Peaches are… Creamy…
Morton falls to the ground.
Larry: We gotta do something! And quick!
Wendy: Run!
Larry and Wendy run to hide, and Mario leaves in search of Bowser. The two Koopalings are reunited in Larry's room, and begin to plot.
Larry: What can we do?! Mario got everyone except us!
Wendy: Not everyone…
With Lemmy...
Lemmy: I bet Iggy is crying right now! He's a loser… We never even… really… had fun…
Lemmy remembers the good times, Iggy pushing Lemmy on the swings, a big dog taking Iggy away, Lemmy in the hospital waiting room, Iggy giving Lemmy a new ball after his first one popped…
Lemmy: Oh, that's right… I remember, I was crying, so Iggy gave me a new ball! I gotta make up for it!
With Iggy...
Iggy is holding a large blaster ray.
Iggy: This'll take care of that punk! That stupid Lemmy was… not… nice…
Iggy remembers the good times, Lemmy and himself on the seesaw, Lemmy fighting the big dog trying to eat him, Lemmy waiting in the hospital for Iggy, Lemmy fixing Iggy's glasses…
Iggy: Oh, gosh! I forgot about that! I owe Lemmy!
So, the twins leave in search of each other's possessions to fix them. Meanwhile, Wendy's plan has unfolded.
Wendy: So when they come close, you pull the switch, okay?
Larry: Roger.
Wendy: Wendy.
Larry: No, Roger!
Wendy: I'm Wendy!
Larry: No, you say roger when you-
Wendy: Sh! Here they come! Pull it!
Iggy and Lemmy approach, each from a different directions, and each holding a box- wrapped and ribboned. Larry pulls the switch, and a bowling ball rolls down a chute and into a vase. The vase shatters, and one of the shards pops a balloon. The balloon startles a Spiny, and it runs down an inclined plane, into a cup. The cup pulls a string, releasing a soccer ball down a ramp, and breaks a window. The ball rolls into the courtyard. Wendy throws a shoe at Iggy and one at Lemmy.
Larry: What was the point of all that? Couldn't you just throw your shoes in the first place?!
Wendy: Nah! This is fun.
The presents that each twin was holding, after being stomped by a shoe, had flown to the other twin. Lemmy, regaining consciousness, opens his.
Lemmy: Wow! A new ball!
Then Iggy.
Iggy: My glasses, they're fixed!
Iggy and Lemmy: Thanks!
Larry: *inhales* Ohhowcute,I'mveryhappthatthetwoofyouhavefinallymadeup,butMario'sattacking
andweneedyoutohelpusstophim!
Larry then passes out.
Wendy: Can you help us?
Iggy: Yup!
Lemmy: Aren't you gonna put your glasses on?
Iggy: Where we're going, I don't need them.
With Mario...
Ludwig, Roy, and Morton are tied up, save for Iggy, Lemmy, and Wendy. Mario approaches Bowser.
Mario: So long, Bowser!
Bowser: No, Mario! Back off, I mean it!
Lemmy enters.
Lemmy: I wouldn't do that if I were you!
Lemmy enters… again…
Lemmy?: Yeah, Mario!
Mario: Wait-a… Two Lemmy's?
Maybe this one's Iggy?: Yes, that's right!
Or this one?: Two Lemmy's!
Bowser: What?!
Ludwig: (What's going on?)
The real Lemmy: (Iggy took his glasses off…)
The one that looks like Lemmy but is actually Iggy: (…and now I look like him!)
Ludwig: (To create the illusion…)
Lemmy: (…that there are two of us!)
Iggy (who still looks like Lemmy): Prepare for a scare, Mario! There are millions of Lemmy's waiting for you!
Mario: I'm-a outta here!
Mario runs away, screaming. Iggy puts his glasses on.
Lemmy: Yay! We did it!
Iggy (who now looks like himself again): Yes we did!
Roy: I'm very happy for you, but… WOULD YOU UNTIE US ALREADY?!
And so, Iggy and Lemmy untie their siblings, Roy gets a new shell, and Iggy and Lemmy go back to being best pals.
Lemmy: So what was it you kept trying to tell us about that girl, Larry?
Larry: Oh, that? It's nothing, really…
Roy: No, we wanna hear it.
Larry: That girl was… Roy's girlfriend.
Roy: What?! You makin' googly eyes at my girl? I'll kill you both!
Iggy and Lemmy: Run!
The End
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