Round One, Part 2:
Joshua: Welcome back to Mega Mario Madness! We’re live at Waluigi Stadium. Last time, eight Paper Mario 2 characters advanced to Round Two. I’m too lazy to tell you who they are so, Larry…
Larry and Lemmy are singing the DK Rap.
Joshua: If you can’t beat them, join them. He’s bigger, better, and stronger too! He’s the first member of the DK Crew! DK! Donkey Kong! Ow! DK! Donkey Kong is here! Please excuse that. Anyway, here’s who’s throwin’ down today!
Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga
#1 Cackletta Vs. #16 Troopea
#6 Chuckolator Vs. #11 Hoohoros
#2 Fawful Vs. #15 Queen Bean
#4 Bowletta Vs. #13 Gritty Goomba
#5 Dragohoho Vs. #12 Sledge
#7 Peasley Vs. #10 Lady Lima
#8 Elite Troopea Vs. #9 Super Fly
#3 Boddle Vs. #14 Mallet
Joshua: So there we go! Now, Lemmy, who do you think will kick butt today?
Lemmy: I like Fawful and Bowletta here. They’re strong, they’re cool, and they’re big and ugly.
Bowletta: Who you callin’ ugly, Boy! Don’t make me call you Lemmyletta!
Lemmy faints.
Joshua: Weirdo. Anyway, let’s get it on! #1 Cackletta Vs. #16 Troopea! Now, everyone loves Mario Kart, right?
The audience groans.
Joshua: SHADDAP! Only joking! Now, everyone loves Pokémon, right?
The audience groans twice as loud.
Joshua: SHADDAP! Anyway, this will be a 3-on-3 match like in Pokémon Colosseum using random Pokémon. Take your places… Go!
Cackletta: Go!
A Magikarp flops out. The whole stadium erupts into laughter except for Roy, who has, of course, bet 100 coins on Cackletta.
Roy: NO! NOT AGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Larry: Did Roy just scream like a little girl?
Lemmy: I never thought I’d live to see this day.
Roy: You two ain’t gonna live past this day!
He starts whaling on Lemmy (who has woken up) and Larry.
Troopea: Go!
A Gardevoir pops out. (That’s good for him.)
Troopea: Use er… What does this thing do?
Larry: Try a Psychic attack.
Troopea: Oh. Psychic!
Magikarp is KO’d instantly.
Cackletta: Come back. Go!
This time, a Sableye comes out. (That’s really good for her.)
Cackletta: Good thing I’ve been playing a lot of Pokémon Emerald recently. Shadow Ball!
Roy: YAY!
Troopea: (censored).
Gardevoir dodges but Sableye fires a lot more Shadow Balls and Gardevoir goes down fast.
Roy: DOUBLE YAY!
Troopea: Go!
Now a Pikachu comes out. Cackletta calls back Sableye. She pulls out her third Pokémon, which is a Rhydon. Yes, Pikachu is doomed. It is a complete massacre.
Roy: TRIPLE YAY!
Troopea now gets a lucky break and gets a Kyogre in his third Pokéball.
Cackletta: This is so rigged.
Joshua: What’d ya expect? This is my contest.
Troopea: This one, I know. Kyogre, Hydro Pump!
1 hit KO.
Roy: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Cackletta brings out her Sableye again.
Cackletta: Fury Swipes!
Troopea: Kyogre, Ice Beam!
Cackletta: Faint Attack! And keep it coming!
Sableye uses Faint Attack to dodge and hit Kyogre. This process continues until Kyogre is knocked out.
Lemmy: Did Roy actually win a bet for once?
Roy: Nope. I bet on Troopea. I pretended to bet on Cackletta ‘cos I thought it’d jinx her. Oh, wait a minute. Dang!
Joshua: Cackletta wins! That was actually more boring than I thought it would be. Yo, G&W!
G&W: Beep?
Larry: He says, “What do you want?”
Joshua: Two things. One, get me a donut. I’m starving! And two…
Five minutes later…
Joshua: Took you long enough.
G&W: BEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!
G&W explodes from frustration.
Larry: He said, “I will have my revenge!”
Joshua: Oh. Good luck, G&W! Now, #6 Chuckolator Vs. #11 Hoohooros. They’ll face off in Sort or ‘Splode from Super Mario 64 DS!
Lemmy: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COULD NEVER GET PAST 5 ON THAT ONE!
Joshua: You must stink at that one. I got 300 once. Whatever. Last man standing wins. Ready? Too bad. Go!
Both are extremely good at the mini-game and rack up 75 easily. However, the stylus slips out of Chuckolator’s hand and the Bob-ombs blow up.
Lemmy: How the (censored) did they get 75 each?
Bowser: LEMMY!
Lemmy: Y-Y-Yes, King Dad?
Larry: Ooh, boy. You gonna get it now!
While Lemmy is being shouted at for swearing, Joshua whispers something to Larry. He nods in agreement for some reason. Eventually, Bowser stops.
Joshua: That donut was good. Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a new twist for this tournament! Occasionally we will have… Grudge matches! Submitted to me by Lemmy’s Land tourists. If you want to see a match between any two competitors in the tournament, Email me and let me know! Who knows, you may see Mario and Luigi battle it out. Or Lemmy and Iggy. That’s right. My co-presenters (Lemmy and Larry) can fight in a grudge match too! The winner of each grudge match wins 1,000 coins. Today’s grudge match is… Bowser Vs. Bowletta! Submitted to me by jeffrey! They will be facing off in my favorite Mario Party 4 mini-game: Bob-omb Crossing or Bob-omb X-ing or whatever. Last really ugly reptile standing wins.
Bowletta: I’m going to lose then.
Joshua: Why do you think that?
Bowletta: Because I’m a really beautiful reptile.
Joshua, Lemmy, Larry, Bowser and everyone in the whole stadium starts laughing.
Bowletta: What’s so funny? I’m gonna pound anyone who doesn’t stop laughing!
Everyone shuts up in 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds.
Bowletta: That’s better. Now, let’s get it on!
Joshua: That’s my line! Let’s get it on!
Bowser has obviously never had a Bob-omb attack him before so he starts running around like a headless chicken as the Bob-ombs pile in at about five at a time and start blowing up and exploding and exploding and exploding and exploding, etc. Meanwhile, Bowletta is walking where the Bob-ombs don’t go, very calmly, like she’s a master of the game.
Bowletta: I lasted 48 hours once. They said I couldn’t do it, but I proved them wrong! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
While she is laughing, the Bob-ombs circle her and explode simultaneously (at the same time for the apathetic).
Joshua: Bowser somehow wins! Bowletta has really wasted her life.
Joshua gives Bowser the 1000 coins.
Bowser: Yay!
Suddenly, everyone disappears except Joshua.
Joshua: ? What happened? And how did I say that?
Ghost Mr. Game & Watch appears.
Joshua: You did that? And, let me guess, you want revenge. Well then, bring it on.
RPG Battle Start!
Joshua: Hp: 30/30
Vs.
GG&W: Hp: 30/30
Joshua: Attack: Tattle
Hits Action Command
Joshua: Ghost Mr. Game & Watch:
Max HP is 30, Attack is 30, and Defense is 5. Wow, this guy is tough. His
HP isn’t that high but he’s got some serious attack power. Also, since
he’s a ghost, he’s got that weird invisible power that makes him unattackable
for one turn. This one will be tricky…
GG&W: Attack: Hyper Hammer: Attack
power 30
Joshua: Oh, smoof.
Joshua guards and takes 29HP damage.
Joshua: Oh, double smoof.
Joshua: HP: 1/30
GG&W: HP: 30/30
Joshua: Attack: Piercing Blow: Attack
power 6: ignores defence
Hits Action Command
GG&W takes 6HP damage.
Joshua: Oh, triple smoof.
GG&W: Attack: Hyper Hammer: Attack
power 30
Joshua Superguards.
GG&W takes 1HP damage.
Joshua: I’m going to die. At least I
can see the bright side of this. NO MORE CRITICS!
Attack: Piercing Blow: Attack power
6: ignores defence
Hits Action Command
GG&W takes 6HP damage.
Joshua: Goodbye Plit! Listen, GG&W.
I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have tried to take advantage of you!
GG&W: Beeeeeeeeeeep.
Joshua: I like you too.
Tactic: Ghostly Rest: Goes to the grave
to rest in peace
GG&W flees.
Joshua wins and gains 30 Star Points!
Joshua Levels up! Upgrades health to
35!
All Stats restored.
Joshua: Dang, that was random.
Everyone comes back, including Roy, who starts to blame Larry for their brief disappearance.
Roy: Stupid Koopa! I’m gonna pound ya!
Lemmy: Making no difference to life as we know it.
Joshua: The next match is… #2 Fawful Vs. #15 Queen Bean! Fawful has, as we all know…
Audience and Truly Pathetic Viewer: FURY!
Truly Pathetic Viewer: Dang, I’m pathetic.
Joshua: This will be a quiz on my favorite Mario game: Paper Mario 2! Also we have questions on Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga. First to 3 wins, as usual. Lemmy, take it away!
Lemmy: Question 1: How much health do Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss have when you fight them in the Palace of Shadows? I’m looking for a combined total.
Queen Bean: One hundred and… seventy!
Lemmy:…
Fawful: Aha! It is a mustardy 110!
Lemmy: What is it with you and mustard? Correct, by the way. Larry?
Larry: Question 2: How many times do you fight Popple in M&l:SS? And name his partners.
Fawful: Four, and he has two partners: Bowser and the mustardy Birdo!
Larry: Correct. One more and Fawful wins! Joshua?
Joshua: Where in Paper Mario 2 can you turn into the original Paper Mario ( the 8-bit one)?
Fawful: The X-Naut Locker Room.
Joshua: Correct! Fawful wins! Much to nobody’s surprise.
Queen Bean: What? This is an outrage! You never said first to three correct or incorrect answers!
Joshua: …
Lemmy: …
Larry: …
GG&W: …
You: …
Truly Pathetic Viewer: …
Audience: …
Queen Bean: I’m filing a protest!
Joshua: As many other contestants have done, including Roy, to no avail.
Roy: I still say I beat that Chuck!
Chargin’ Chuck: Don’t tell me we’re back to this again.
Joshua: Roy, you’re hired. See that whoever files a protest is taken care of…
Roy: Huh?
Joshua: Dang, you’re stupid. While I explain this to him, let’s take a commercial break.
Announcer: It’s the fight of the century! At the first Mario Madness, Chargin’ Chuck shamed Roy on a replay. Now, he wants revenge… Roy Vs. Chargin’ Chuck: The Rematch! Don’t miss it this Saturday on Koopa Fight TV!
Joshua: You get it now?
Roy: Anyone files a protest, I pound ‘em. Got it. I finally get to beat people up for money!
Lemmy: I’m filing a protest!
Joshua: Roy.
Roy: Got it.
He puts Lemmy in intensive care.
Joshua: Right. Time for #4 Bowletta Vs. #13 Gritty Goomba. Larry, what’s their contest?
Larry: Bowletta is pretty much dead. We had to bring in the replacement.
Joshua: Please, don’t let it be…
Bubbles: What do young sodas call their dads? Pop!
Basil Brush: I say, that’s even worse than my jokes. AHAHAHAHAHA! Boom-boom!
Boom Boom: Did I hear my name?
Joshua: Can we just get on with the match? Oh, we wish Bowletta a non-speedy recovery.
Larry: Bubbles now faces Gritty Goomba in an RPG battle.
Battle Start
Joshua: I’ve had enough of RPGs for
one day.
Bubbles: Attack: Really Bad Soda-Related
Joke
Hits Action Command
Bubbles: What drink makes a good doctor?
Lemonaid!
Gritty Goomba’s head explodes. He dies.
Battle Over
Bubbles wins!
Joshua: You mean he has to stay? Roy, make sure he loses the next match.
Roy: Don’t do it! That’ll make Bubbles win the tournament!
Gritty Goomba: I’m filing a protest!
Joshua: Roy, see to this while we go to another commercial.
Roy: Follow me, little Goomba…
Bubbles: Book me for your comedy club today! Also buy my joke book! And my Chuckola Cola! And my Joke CD! And…
The commercial continues for three hours.
Joshua: Man, that took forever. Hey, wait a minute. I thought Gritty Goomba died. How is Roy beating him up?
Roy is seen beating up a ghost.
Ghost Gritty Goomba: I hate being a ghost that feels pain.
Joshua: Oj. Let’s go with that… Now, #5 Dragohoho Vs. #12 Sledge! Lemmy, tell us what they’ll be facing off in!
Lemmy: …
Larry: Oh yeah. He’s unconscious. They’re going to have a bowling game.
Joshua: That is so random, it must be awesome!
Neither competitor uses bowling balls. Sledge throws hammers and Dragohoho launches those purple ball things he shoots in M&L:SS.
Joshua: This is so random and stupid.
Lemmy: …
Joshua: He’s annoying when he’s unconscious.
Larry nods. After nine frames, the score is Dragohoho: 76, Sledge: 77. On the final frame, Sledge goes first and gets 8. If Dragohoho gets a strike he wins.Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddddd, he misses entirely. Final Score: Dragohoho: 76. Sledge: 85.
Dragoho: THIS IS RIGGED!
He points to Roy, who has a stone magnet in his hand.
Joshua: Of course… Roy…
Roy: Yes…
Joshua: Would you like a promotion?
Roy: Yes.
Joshua: You get to be my new expert analysis guy and you keep your old job!
Roy: I’m in!
Joshua: Lemmy, you’re fired.
Lemmy dies.
Lemmy Ghost: I’ll get you for this! I’ll make this story a Scribble. A Scrrrrrriiiiibble!
Joshua: Rrrrrriiiiight. You don’t have the guts.
Basil Brush: AHAHAHAHAHA! Boom-boom!
Boom Boom: Did…
Larry: Don’t even think about it!
Joshua: Now, it’s #7 Peasley Vs. #10 Lady Lima!
Roy: I bet my Koopa Hockey League salary for 2009-10 that Peasley wins.
Boom Boom: You’re on!
Larry: Since the Winter Olympics have started, we’re feeling the need for an ice race. Only, you don’t get ice skates.
Peasley: What? This is a royal outrage!
Joshua: Don’t care. First to finish wins. Go!
Peasley flies over the ice with his magic cushion and wins.
Joshua: Peasley wins!
Roy: No way! I WON!
Boom Boom: No way. No way.
He repeats the same two words for the next 24 hours while the program continues.
Joshua: Roy.
Roy: Got it!
He takes Boom Boom out back and… well, you know by now.
Joshua: Now, #8 Elite Troopea Vs. #9 Super Fly. Yawn.
Elite Troopea: We matter too! But I’m better. I have higher stats!
Super Fly: I’m better! I just am!
Larry: Not much of an argument. You’ll be playing Daft Rafts from Mario Party 6.
Elite Troopea: I can’t jump!
Roy walks in.
Larry: No kidding… Hey, Roy! I bet you everything you just won that Super Fly wins this match!
Roy: Cool!
Joshua: Man, you’re evil.
Larry: I know…
Ghost Lemmy: But not as evil as me!
Battle Start!
Joshua: Not another RPG Battle…
Joshua: HP: 35/35
Larry: HP: 20/20
Roy: HP: 45/45
FP: 60/60
Star Power: 8/8
Vs.
Ghost Lemmy: HP: 50/50
Attack Power 7
Defence Power: 3
Joshua: Attack: Power Smash: 2FP
Hits Action Command
Ghost Lemmy takes 5HP damage
Larry: Attack: Piranha Bite: 0FP
Hits Action Command
Ghost Lemmy takes 2HP damage
Roy: Attack: Super Punch: 0FP: ignores
defense
Hits Action Command
LUCKY!
Ghost Lemmy takes 10HP damage
Ghost Lemmy: Attack: Ectoplasm: attacks
all
Joshua guards and takes 6 damage
Larry takes 7 damage
Roy takes 5 damage
Joshua HP: 29/35
Larry HP: 13/20
Roy HP: 40/45
FP: 58/60
Star Power: 8/8
Ghost Lemmy HP: 33/50
Ghost Lemmy: Oh, crud.
Joshua: Item: Super Shroom: Larry
Larry recovers 7HP
Larry: Thanks, man.
Larry: Super Claw: 3FP
Hits Action Command
Ghost Lemmy takes 6 damage
Roy: Attack: Defense Destroyer Punch:
6FP: ignores all enemy defense for 6 turns
Hits Action Command
Ghost Lemmy takes 15 damage
Ghost Lemmy: Attack: Ectoplasm: attacks
all
Joshua takes 7 damage
Larry Superguards
Roy guards and takes 4 damage
Joshua HP: 22/35
Larry HP: 20/20
Roy HP: 36/45
FP: 50/60
Ghost Lemmy HP: 12
Joshua: All right! Time to finish him!
Everyone strike! Now!
Joshua, Larry, and Roy: Special Attack:
Final Flame: 6 Star Power
Hit Action Command
Ghost Lemmy takes 12 damage
Ghost Lemmy is defeated!
Battle Over!
Joshua gains 30 Star Points!
All Stats restored.
Joshua: Cool. ^_^
Ghost Lemmy: I’ll be back! With weapons!
Larry: Now, where were we?
Roy: We were just about to start the Elite Troopea/Super Fly match.
Joshua: GO!
Elite Troopea can’t jump and immediately falls to his death. His shell protects him. Super Fly gets to the end easily.
Elite Troopea and Lady Lima: I’M FILING A PROTEST!
Joshua: Roy.
Roy: Got it. Hey... I lost! Stupid Elite Troopea! I’m gonna beat you double for that!
ET: Dang.
ET: Copy…right.
Joshua: Roy.
Roy: Got it.
ET: ET phone home! Emergencyyyyy!
Joshua: This is too random. Commercial time.
E. Gadd: Buy the FLUDD and the Poltergust 3000 today! Here are some recommendations! Yabbo Yabbo!
Mario: When-a I had to clean up Isle Delfino, if it hadn’t been for FLUDD, I would not have been-a able to do it.
Luigi: The Poltergust 3000-a helped me rescue my-a brother from the big, scary-a mansion!
E. Gadd: Yabbo Yabbo! Buy the FLUUD and Poltergust 3000 today! Act now, and get a free Magic Paintbrush!
Bowser Jr: That brush stinks!
E. Gadd: Speaking of which…
He sucks up Jr. with the Poltergust.
E. Gadd: Yabbo Yabbo!
Joshua: Time for our final match: #3 Boddle Vs. #14 Mallet! They are going to fight like there’s no tomorrow!
Roy: All right! GO BODDLE! GO!
The idiots start fighting.
Mallet: Hey!
Boddle takes advantage of the complaining Mallet, targets him, and fires.
Mallet: I really am a moron.
CRASH! Mallet is knocked out.
Larry: Boddle wins! Too bad you didn’t bet, Roy.
Roy: I thought it’d jinx him.
Joshua: Good logic. Wait, you can use logic?
Roy: Yep. Wait…
Joshua: Larry, can we see today’s highlights?
Larry: Of course!
He turns the TV on.
Larry and Lemmy are singing the DK Rap.
Lemmy: I like Fawful and Bowletta here. They’re strong, they’re cool and they’re big and ugly.
Bowletta: Who you callin’ ugly, Boy! Don’t make me call you Lemmyletta!
Lemmy faints.
Joshua: SHADDAP! Only joking! Now, everyone loves Pokémon, right?
The audience groans twice as loud.
G&W explodes from frustration.
Bowser: Yay!
Joshua: Dang, that was random.
Joshua: Roy, you’re hired. See that whoever files a protest is taken care of…
Gritty Goomba’s head explodes. He dies.
Lemmy dies.
Basil Brush: AHAHAHAHAHA! Boom-boom!
Elite Troopea: I can’t jump!
Ghost Lemmy is defeated!
ET: ET phone home! Emergencyyyyy!
Mallet: I really am a moron.
Joshua: And that’s it for today! And as you know, I’m Joshua saying goodbye for Larry and my new assistant Roy! Next time, the Super Smash Bros. Melee guys face off. Bye! End Transmission!
The End
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