Shadow Paper Mario: Rods of the Crystal Stars

By Shady Parakoopa

Author's Note: From now on, when Bowser Jr. and Shadow Mario switch places, the one controlling the body will have a * next to their name. Now back to the fun! If any.

Shady: You might be thinking that this must be the part where I tell you what happened last time. Well… you’re wrong! Ha ha ha. I’m so evil.

Shadow Mario: There, was that so bad?

Shady: *sniff* Yes.

Shadow Mario: Shut up and write.

He leaves.

Shady: (whispering) Last time Bowser conquered Rogueport and Bowser Jr. remade the bandana so he could help Bowser. He messed up and now he’s fused with Shadow Mario, who needs to get into the Thousand-Year Door so he can get the Shadow Queen’s signature *breathes* so he can divorce her but the Crystal Stars broke and now he needs the Koopalings' wands so he can remake the stars. Before…

Shady passes out.

Bowser Jr: Let’s start this stupid thing.

Chapter 1: A Series of Random Events.

*Bowser Jr/Shadow Mario exit the pipe to Petal Meadows.

Bowser Jr: Now if I was Larry, where would I setup base?

Shadow Mario: Maybe that’s it.

Bowser Jr. looks to see Hooktail’s castle, but it’s much bigger than in PMTTYD.

*Bowser Jr: That would be it. Let’s go.

Shadow Mario: How?

*Bowser Jr: You’re asking me?

Shadow Mario: Good point. By the way, how’s our item supply?

*Bowser Jr: Let me think…

Shadow Mario: Oh no! What have I done?!

Three hours later...

*Bowser Jr: …

Shadow Mario: I’ll check myself!

*Bowser Jr: Don’t bother. I have a photographic memory.

Shadow Mario takes control.

Bowser Jr: Don’t look!

*Shadow Mario takes out a hobo sack that belongs to Bowser Jr.

*Shadow Mario: What the...? A flamethrower, the Tattle Book, two mini Bullet Bill Blasters, a crown, and laxatives?

Bowser Jr: You never know.

*Shadow Mario: …

Bowser Jr: Let’s head to the town for no reason at all!

*Shadow Mario: Ok!

They head to Petalburg. On the way they find the bridge out, a warp pipe, and in the distance a ! Block.

Bowser Jr: Of course! It’s so simple! Put on the crown that’s in my hobo sack.

*Shadow Mario: But what if I just hit-

Bowser Jr: PUT IT ON!

*Shadow Mario: 0_0`

He frantically puts on the crown. Suddenly, one thousand Goombas run by and stop in front of Shadow Mario.

Goombas: ALL HAIL THE ONE WITH THE SHINY!

They run toward the bridge and with their great numbers, fill in the gap. *Shadow Mario/Bowser Jr. cross the bridge.

*Shadow Mario: What just happened?

Goombas: IT WAS AN HONOR SERVING THE SHINY!

They fall into the water and get eaten by Nibbles.

Bowser Jr: King Goomba’s crown.

*Shadow Mario: Oh.

They enter Petalburg and *Shadow Mario is greeted by a Koopa at the entrance.

Koopa: Welcome to Lord Larry’s kingdom of Petalburg. Hey! Are you “The” Mario?

*Shadow Mario: I’m “A” Mario.

Koopa: Then you must die!

He pulls out a radio and starts talking into it.

Koopa: Blue to green, blue to green, come in green! We've got a 10-4-Mario!

Larry: We have been over this before. No trucker language!

Koopa: Fine. Just telling you that Mario is here.

Larry: WHAT?! It’s only been three hours since he left! Oh well, I’m sending in the special squad!

Koop Bros: We are the Koopa Bros!

*Shadow Mario: So that’s what he meant by special.

Green: We have feelings, you know!

*Shadow Mario: Don’t care.

He draws his paintbrush and breaks it in half.

Red: Now who’s special?

The two parts of the brush are covered in goop, which hardens and turns the pieces into the coolest pair of swords ever seen.

Yellow: Cool!

Black: He’s going to kill us. You know this, right?

Yellow: Yeah, but still that’s really cool!

*Shadow Mario: Here Koopa… Koopa… Koopa...

Koopa Bros: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

The next part has been rated “A” to the max so we will not show it. When he’s done the Bros. are dead and the entire town is in ruins, except for the item shop.

Larry: I came here to get that stupid Koopa that took the sun stone that I need to get into my castle, but I guess I can give you a beating.

He approaches *Shadow Mario but trips and falls into the river, and gets his butt whooped by Nibbles. Bowser Jr. takes control and pulls Larry out of the water.

*Bowser Jr: Did you have to kill everyone? They were loyal to Bowser’s army.

Shadow Mario: No. I guess I didn’t. Oh well, I guess I’ll just tell people about your little secret. *cough... cough... coubedwetergh… cough*

*Bowser Jr: Fine. Hey he doesn’t have his wand on him! He has a moon thingy but I assume that’s worthless. The wand must be in his castle.

Suddenly Koops walks by. He is carrying a sun-shaped stone.

*Bowser Jr: Give me that stone!

Koops: Why?

*Bowser Jr: Because, shut up!

He pulls out his flamethrower and torches Koops.

Shadow Mario: Now take the sun stone.

Sunfloora: Sunfloora!

Shady: Last thing we need is a monster that lives in my pants reference.

*Bowser Jr: Dang. I accidentally roasted it. All that survived was his shell.

Shadow Mario: Well let's pawn it.

They head for the shop, which is now run by Koopas.

*Bowser Jr: What do you have here?

Shopkeeper: We got grenades, ammo, chicken legs, bazookas, and POW Blocks.

*Bowser Jr: POW Blocks?! Are you crazy?! Those can kill!!!

Shopkeeper: Nope. All checked out last month.

*Bowser Jr: What can I get for this?

He gives him Koops's shell. The shopkeeper creaks it open to reveal white powder. He puts his finger in it and takes a lick.

Shopkeeper: SUGAR!!! I mean… Two cases of grenades, three chapters worth of ammo, five full chickens, and a bazooka.

*Bowser Jr: Deal!

While the shopkeeper bags *Bowser Jr’s stuff, Bowser Jr. starts to talk out loud to himself again.

*Bowser Jr: Now how are we going to get to Larry’s castle?

Max: I couldn’t help but overhear you. Seriously, your creepy talking is being heard throughout the entire store. But anyway, you need to get to Larry’s castle, right?

Shady: Max? The cameraman? If you’re here then the rest of the crew must still be in Petalburg! They didn’t leave without me!

Max: No, I just ditched them.

Shady: 0-0

Max: You need a ride? Well kill Koops and I’ll get you there.

*Bowser Jr: We already killed him.

Max: That was fast. Ok, I’ll help you. My power of randomness might help you on whatever you’re doing.

Shadow Mario: Power of randomness?

Max: Who said that?!

He looks next to *Bowser Jr. to see the ghost form of Shadow Mario.

Max: Ok… You’re going to have to run this by me on the way there.

They head to the castle on Max’s cloud and on the way *Bowser Jr. explains everything to Max, well except Shadow Mario’s threat.

Max: This sounds exciting, and you say if I join the dark side I get a place to rule and free health care?

Shadow Mario: Don’t forget you get to see and talk to me.

Max: …

*Bowser Jr: Yes, this is correct.

Max: Sir, you got yourself a partner.

Max: A primer

Outside of a battle Max has the power of pure randomness. Depending on the chapter the events that could happen are completely random. There’s always something good and something bad. It takes one chapter to recharge.

Inside of a battle he can throw Spiny eggs of the elements, like, earth, fire, wind, water, and heart. And for those of you at home, Max is 99 percent Lakitu.

Shadow Mario: Whats the other 1 percent?

Max: Magikoopa.

*Bowser Jr: That would explain the randomness and the hat.

Max: Don’t be dissin' the hat, fool!

Shadow Mario: Don’t you have to be smart to be a Magikoopa?

Max: DIE!

He summons thunder from the sky to kill Shadow Mario, but he misses and hits *Bowser Jr.

*Bowser Jr: Ow…

When they get to the door there is a giant lock on it.

Shadow Mario: Larry must have the key. Well, let’s go back.

*Bowser Jr: I’m sick of all this walking! Max, do the random thing.

Max: K, but remember this is the only time you can use it this chapter and that something bad will happen too.

*Bowser Jr: Just do it!

Max: Hey, you know, if we are going to work together, you’re going to have to treat me better.

*Bowser Jr: … Please?

Max: That’s better…. RANDOMIZE!

Max glows for a second, then stops glowing.

Max: The good news is…

The castle crumbles and in the rubble lies Larry’s wand.

Shadow Mario: All right!

Max: Bad news is…

Suddenly, a red Dry Bones rises from the rubble and grabs the wand. Then he fuses with an army of Dry Bones to become… wait for it… Wait For It… WAIT FOR IT! DRY BONLOSSUSS!!!

Dry Bonlossuss: Muhahahahah!

Max: Dang.

*Bowser Jr: Hey! That’s my line…. DANG!

Max: Showoff.

*Bowser Jr: Shadow.. I think it’s your turn… Shadow?

Shadow Mario is in the fetal position.

Shadow Mario: Big bone.. Big Bone… BIG bone…

*Bowser Jr: Nuts. Max, read this book and try to find its weakness... I’ll waste a chapter’s worth of ammo.

*Bowser Jr. hands him the Tattle Book, then he starts firing at the monster with no effect.

Max: Lets see… Dry Bonlossuss: HP: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001,294; Defense: 1,036; Attack: none?

*Bowser Jr: That’s not too bad.

Max: It says that he doesn’t need no stinking attack points. If he touches you, you're dead.

*Bowser Jr: *-*  Does he have a weakness?!

Max: Well you can take away his wand or you can set him on fire.

*Bowser Jr: I don’t see his wand… Oh yeah! I have a flamethrower!

He pulls out his flamethrower but nothing happens.

*Bowser Jr: Dang! Out of gas.

He throws the flamethrower at Dry Bonlossuss. It hits his hand and something shiny…

Goombario: SHINY!

Anyway… falls out of it. Dry Bonlossuss turns back into bones.

Shadow Mario: That was lucky.

Max: Yeah.

*Bowser Jr: Who cares? We got the first wand! Now, to be teleported back to town for some stupid reason!

They start to disappear.

Shadow Mario: Beam me up, Scottie!

Max: Who’s Scottie?

End of chapter!

Shady: Can I go now?

Shadow Mario: Luigi’s side of the story and two more chapters, then you get a three Interview break.

Shady: That’s not much of a break.

Shadow Mario: Shut up.

Luigi’s Side 1

A boat stops in Rogueport’s dock Luigi gets out. The boat does a 180 degree spin in midair and sails away.

Luigi: That was weird. With Mario gone I have to save Rogueport. Maybe that Koopa knows where I can help.

Koopa: Glad I got out of Petalburg before the massacre.

Luigi: Hey. Excuse me, Mister Koopa?

Koopa: Hey! Are you “The” Mario?

Luigi: I’m a Mario.

Koopa: Then you must die! Code one! Code one!

A thousand Koopas appear and try to kill Luigi but he runs away.

Frankly: Come with me if you want to live.

Luigi: Fine with me.

They hide in Frankly’s house.

Luigi: Are you Frankly? Mario said something about a minor character.

Frankly: I am not minor! I mean... *cough* Anyway, when I was down in the sewers the other day I found this.

He shows Luigi a pan full of ashes.

Frankly: Do you have a 1-Up Mushroom on you?

Luigi: Of course! How do you think I’m even still alive without one... or two… or a hundred.

The ashes in the pan reform into Goombella.

Goombella: It was the most wonderful dream! Little red men in pajamas were making fun of me and it was very hot.

Frankly: What happened to you?

Goombella: Frankly! The Crystal Stars broke, a mini Koopa set me on fire, and someone stole my Gameboy SP.

Luigi: The fiend!

Frankly: What did he look like?

Goombella: Let’s just pull out the Tattle Book… NOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT’S GONE! MY LIFE IS WITHOUT MEANING!!!

She reverts back to dust and blows away.

Frankly: Oh no! If the Stars are gone and someone tries to remake them for whatever purpose, after he creates one Star he will have two weeks to remake them all or the world will explode!

Luigi: Why?

Frankly: I don’t know.

Luigi: …

Frankly: You will go and try to get Larry’s wand. I think that can remake one Star.

Luigi: Why me?

Frankly: Because I’m lazy!

Luigi: That’s everyone's reason for everything.

Luigi heads to the pipe to Petalburg and jumps in.

Shady: What will happen next? Stay tuned to find out!

Shadow Mario: Short and sweet.

Read on!


 
Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.