Shady: Welcome to the finale that no one has been waiting for!
No one: No I haven’t.
Shady: Well we’ve been through a lot. Shadow Mario now has all seven wands, Bowser Jr. still has kept his bedwetting problems a secret, Max is now dead (Hurray!), Clefy has now been reported dead since chapter 5, and Rusty is still there to fill in the empty void in my heart.
Blaze gives Shady the “Hurry it up” sign with his hands
Shady: And without further ado, I present the final chapter of my FF!
…
Shadow Mario: Last time, we killed five annoying Koopas, Max, a Clone Trooper, Pizza Monsters, and Luigi about 525,654 times.
Bowser Jr: I thought it was 525,653.
Shadow Mario: Well there was an incident behind stage.
Bowser Jr: L…
Shadow Mario pulls out a knife and holds it to Bowser Jr’s throat.
Shadow Mario: If you say lame one more time!
Yux: Lame.
Shadow Mario: …
Yux: I couldn’t hold it in.
The last scene is of Shadow Mario jumping at Yux before the cameras turn to the “We’re experiencing technical difficulties, and man is it wild!” sign to cover the scene.
Chapter 8: All good things must come to an end, so there will probably be a sequel
After a killing and stealing spree in a nearby town the team returns to Rogueport, which was destroyed in the last chapter.
*Bowser Jr: Hello?!
Yux: What do you want?!
*Bowser Jr: Not you. I’m calling out
to see if there is anyone left to
steal from.
???: Oh… the… pain…
*Bowser Jr: Dad?!
Bowser: The pain! First a crazy chef beat me up, then child services attacked me, I was stranded on an island, electrocuted, dropped my hotdog, had my ears blown off, and nowa sharp asteroid from space almost killed me! Rogueport stinks! They don’t even sell makeup! We’re leaving tomorrow!
He leaves with a dead Koopa Kid in a body bag.
*Bowser Jr: Yeah! I get to leave!
Shadow Mario: Can we head to the door now?
Toad: Are you “The”…
Shadow Mario … well you should know by now.
*Shadow Mario: If you finish that lame joke we do like every chapter you will die a star point-gargling death!!!
Yux: Why are you threatening everyone latel….
*Shadow Mario: If you finish that sentence you will die!!!
Rusty: *crunch*
*Shadow Mario: If you finish that stale sandwich you will suffer a horrible death!!! I mean, come on. It was on the ground for like eight chapters already.
Toad: Excuse me…
Rusty: *burp* No, excuse me.
Toad: You’re Shadow Mario, right?
*Shadow Mario: Who wants to know?
Toad: Me, duh.
*Shadow Mario: Oh yeah.
Toad punches him in the face.
Toad: That’s for my cousin Clefy!
Toad punches him again.
Toad: That’s for my other cousin Goombella!
This goes on for a couple hours.
Toad: This is for my father’s uncle’s, cousin’s, former roommate Miss Mowz!
*Shadow Mario: I’m going to take a little nappy now.
He passes out but, to be original, Bowser Jr. doesn’t take control this time.
Bowser Jr: I’m too lazy to do it anyways.
Toad: Now to randomly do this!
He kills himself.
Bowser Jr: That was the 254th time someone has said “Random” in this FF.
Yux: Yes, but was it the 254th random “Thing”?
Bowser Jr: Well, um, no.
Thunder strikes him.
Yux: THAT was the 254th random “Thing”.
Wario: And here comes the 255th!
Wario and Frankly zooms up to the group, stops hard and, because they're not wearing seat belts, are jetistioned out of the vehicle and into a GO sign with the words, “Coming soon, a Stop sign!” written on it.
Frankly: Get… to… the… door… Remake… Stars… or… World… blows up… in …three hours… Sequel to FF… concussion and brain damage… chilidogs… League of Illegal Gambling.
Waiter: I said no talking about the League of Illegal Gambling! … Opps.
Just as soon as he mentions the League of Illegal Gambling a bunch of Police Toads storm Wario, Frankly, and the Waiter to get information on the location of the League.
Yux: Randomness rules our lives!
Rusty: What?! There’s a sequel and the world blows up?!
Yux: Well, the world blowing up came out of left field, but you seriously didn’t know about the sequel? You can see it from space!
Alien Mario: Chhhhhheeeeesssssssse!!!
Yux: Let me show you.
He pulls out a laptop (which is useless because he doesn’t have a lap) and using his wireless connection, hacks a satellite and beams the images from it to his computer.
Bowser Jr: Did anyone care that I was in horrible pain? … Never mind. (looking at Yux’s laptop) Hey, some guy wrote, “Shadow Paper Mario2” on their lawn. Also he wrote in flashing red letters, “Initiating mini-death star cannon at coordinates 7, 2, in Rogueport”.
Yux: Dang.
The cannon fires at Rogueport. It barely misses the group and only blasts *Shadow Mario. The team jumps into the hole and into the room with the Thousand-Year Door. Coincidence? I think not.
*Shadow Mario: Look at all the pretty birdies!
Paratroopa: We find that offensive!
Shady: Yeah, we do!
The Paratroopa and Shady divebomb him.
*Shadow Mario: Why does everyone hate me? Wait, aren’t you the author?
Shady: Sadly yes, and now I’m going to forget my place when I continue writing this FF. I hope it wasn’t important.
He flies away. Upon returning home, he discovers a piece of paper that says, “Dear Shady Parakoopa, Remember to write the best joke of all time to add in stupid FF in order to keep it from being so stupid that it creates a hole in the time space continuum thus destroying all of existence. Love, Shady Parakoopa. P.S. Talking to yourself is crazy enough, you don’t have to also write to yourself to prove your insanity. ”
Shady: Gee, I wish I remembered what that joke was.
…
Rusty: Well, let's get into that door and forget any major injuries we probably have.
He turns around, revealing his sword in his head.
Yux: Where’s *Shadow Mario? What that * doing there?
Author: Do not question my might!
*Shadow Mario: I’m ok, you guys! I’m just in this weird room with this pipe and… Who put this banana peel here…? Ahhhhhhhh!!!
Bowser Jr: Ahhhh! He fell into the Pit of a Hundred Trials!
Yux: 1, 2, 3, not it!
Rusty: Not… Dang.
Rusty jumps into the pipe after *Shadow Mario.
Bowser Jr: Want to play Castles and Koopas?
Yux: You mean that rip-off of Dungeons and Dragons?
Bowser Jr: Yes.
Yux: (putting on Max’s wizard-like hat) Bring it on!
Bowser Jr: (bringing out a book and game board) Bring it off!
Yux: I’m never going to understand you.
The battle for the Level 9 princess rages on! After two hours, fifty-nine minutes, and several thousand Mountain Dew cans the war ends and Peace returns to the land of the Add name here.
Bowser Jr: Wahhhh!!!
Yux: I play to win!
Suddenly, a pipe next to them spits out a severely beaten Rusty and *Bowser Jr.
Yux: Wait. We were just… and you were just… oh never mind.
Shadow Mario: Ahhhh! There’s only one minute left until the world blows up! How I know that I do no know. Put the last two wands on the idol, bed wetter. Oops.
*Bowser Jr: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T TELL!!!
Shadow Mario: I promise nothing!
They start to choke each other. Meanwhile, in the sky...
Toad fighter plane pilot: You’re sure you want us to drop this atomic bomb on Rogueport for no reason at all, King Toadstool?
King: Yes, Master Peanut commands it. Now back to my golf game!
He turns off the monitor and continues running into a wall repeatedly.
King: Fore! Fore! Fore! Fore!
TFPP: You heard the retard! Drop the bomb!
…
*Shadow Mario and Bowser Jr, or was it Shadow Mario and *Bowser Jr? Well they're rapidly switching back and forth anyways, are still choking each other.
Rusty: Does anyone hear an atomic bomb dropping?
Yux: (Looking up) Well that’s just peachy.
Peach: Orange rhymes with Corn!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*inhale*MMMM!!!
30 seconds later...
Rusty: I’m amazed we’re still alive.
Yux: Yeah, but I’m still dead inside.
Bowser Jr: Did that bomb do anything?
Shadow Mario: I have my own body! Now we can end that stupid switching thing that didn’t make any sense whatsoever! In your face, *!
Yux: Dudes. Peach isn’t dead.
Bowser Jr: So?
Yux: She kind of… mutated.
He points to a giant blob of pink with blood (yes, I do mean blood, forget the stupid star points) spewing everywhere from it.
Mutant Peach: KILL ME!!!
Shadow Mario: Ok.
He jumps on her. At the moment he is about to land on her, the glass on the camera brakes, signalling the beginning of a Final Fantasy Fight!
Bowser Jr: No. It just means you have to replace the lense.
Oh. Shadow Mario kills her.
Shadow Mario: That was pointless. Ok, let's save the world!
Yux: Um, Shadow?
Shadow Mario: What is it now?
Yux: The wands melted.
Shadow Mario: How could this get any worse? Oh yeah, the world blowing up. When is that anyways?
Bowser Jr: Right… Now.
Rusty: Goodbye, stupid existence!
Nothing happens. Well actually, Pluto blows up, causing a chain reaction that sends the next planet into the next causing a domino effect that sends all the planets into the sun.
Bowser Jr: What’s Pluto?
Rusty: And what’s this “sun” of which you speak?
Yux: Well, that stunk. I think I’ll go find myself a home and live happily ever after.
Shadow Mario: Not on my watch you don’t! There is one other way to get into the door. One so secret that it would blow your minds!
He picks up a key from underneath the welcome mat in front of the door.
Bowser Jr: You mean we could've just used a key to open the Thousand-Year Door instead of going on a stupid journey of discovery that no one’s reading anymore?!
Shadow Mario: Yup! :)
Yux lunges at Shadow and breaks into a fight, which Shadow wins.
Shadow: Yeah! I am the victor!
Shadow Mario: Yux, why are you fighting with your shadow?
Yux: I’m just very confused inside.
Shadow Mario uses the key to open the Thousand-Year Door. They enter a huge, red wall papered room.
Bowser Jr: Does this room have any importance at all?
Shadow Mario: Nope.
Echo: Nope, nope, ope, pe…
Rusty: Cool! An echo! Haven’t seen that in a FF before!
Echo: Before for for fo…
Shadow Mario: Echoes are stupid.
Echo: We don’t like you that much either!
Somehow the echo picks up Shadow Mario and starts to chock him.
Yux: Lame.
Echo: No it’s not!
The same thing happens to Yux. Rusty saves the day by killing the echo.
Rusty: That was pointless.
They continue walking forward. On the way they find a long staircase. Over the side of the stairs is a large, indoor lake full of water and dead Cheep Cheeps.
Shadow Mario: Looks like I left the water running again, and forgot to feed the fish, for a thousand years.
Bowser Jr: YOU'RE OVER A THOUSAND YEARS OLD?!
Shadow Mario: What's that, sony?
Yux: Don’t you mean sonny?
Shadow Mario: No. I’m just taking to my PS2.
GameCube: Traitor!
Swoopula: Attack the intruders!
The Swoopulas miss the group and only hit the PS2 and GameCube, causing them to touch, in return blowing up the room and jettisoning the group to the next room.
Rusty: Why does everything I touch blow up?!
They enter the next room to find … the E3 convention?
Bowser Jr: Cool! They’re talking about the Nintendo Revolution this year!
Yux: Wait… Where’s all the other systems? All that’s here is Nintendo stuff.
E3 Toad: Oh, they’re a little late.
Meanwhile, at a volcano...
Jak: You’re sure this is the place where E3 is?
Halo: If you ask me that one more time I’ll hit you with my energy sword!
Jak: Isn’t that a rip-off of a light saber?
Halo: Die!
He throws a granade at Jak, who dodges it. It falls into the volcano, which erupts.
Bowser Jr: Can we look at stuff?! PLEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!
Yux: We’ll come back later and steal stuff.
Rusty: What do we do with all that stuff anyways?
Shadow Mario: Feed it to the beast that guards the gate to the doorway to the ancient temple of fiends which holds the sword that binds all of existence.
Rusty: What?
Shadow Mario: Nothing.
They continue to the next room, which has a bunch of stairs leading up and down.
Rusty: How do we get by this?
Shadow Mario: Well, we can follow the path that the burning candles clearly point out, or we can just use a Final Fantasy reference.
Everyone: Final Fantasy reference!
Shadow Mario: Coming up!
He holds up his hand, which has only two fingers up. A bunch of dark rays of light gather at the tip of the fingers. He quickly points to the walls and releases the energy.
Shadow Mario: Oblivion!
The next ten rooms get sucked into a dark hole in the ground, where they are beaten into dust molecules by the bottom half of the Aeon, Anima.
Bowser Jr: … Whooh.
Shadow Mario: Let that be a warning to all who oppose me.
He trips on the same banana peel from earlier.
Shadow Mario: Enjoy the afterlife!
He does the same thing but he accidentally sucks himself up too. Two minutes later the hole spits him back out.
Shadow Mario: … Ow.
They continue on to a room with a bunch of spikes randomly shooting out of the ground.
Shadow Mario: Time to do another thing that you guys had no idea I could do!
He paints an M on the ground and jumps into it. It teleports them to the next room.
Yux: Wait… You can teleport?
Shadow Mario: Yup.
Yux: You could've just teleported us to every wand and saved us some valuable time! I missed my sister’s wedding because of you!
Rusty: I thought you went to that and got wasted on Poison Mushrooms.
Yux: How do you know that?
Rusty: I was there. I was the groom!
Yux: Creepy.
The next room has a bunch of Dry Bones everywhere.
Dark Bones: You may not enter!
He fuses with all the other bones to create, wait for it, Wait For It, WAIT FOR IT!!! DARK BONLOSSUSS!
Dark Bonlossuss: Evil laugh, Evil Laugh, Evil Laugh!
Dry Bones: You're not suppose to read that part on the cue card you moron!
Dark Bonlossuss: I have feelings too, you know!
Bowser Jr: I know how to handle this! Dark Bonlossuss?
Dark Bonlossuss: Yes?
Bowser Jr: I’m your father.
Dark Bonlossuss:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The word bubble above Dark Bonlossuss' can’t withstand the large number of Os, so it pops and all the Os land on Dark Bonlossuss, causing him to collapse.
Bowser Jr: Works every time.
Next room has a large building in the background.
Shadow Mario: And if you look to your left you can see a large building that the narrator told you about earlier.
Yux, Rusty, and Bowser Jr. take out cameras and start to take pictures. Shadow Mario hits them over their heads with his paintbrush.
Shadow Mario: NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY! Anyways, it is home to the largest puzzles of all time.
Rusty: Do we have to go through all of them?
Shadow Mario: No, I know a shortcut.
They head to the next room, then the next, then they reach a large room with a huge dragon.
Gloomtail: I am Gloomtail! You killed my sister!
Bowser Jr: No we didn’t.
Shadow Mario: It’s no use. He thinks everyone killed his sister.
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Rock: …
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Wall: …
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Pink: …
Shady: Actually, in my third Interview…
Pink gives Shady an evil look with her Icy Eyes.
Shady: Never mind.
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Gloomtail: Yes! And I’d do it again!
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Gloomtail: What are you? Stupid?
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Shadow Mario: Excuse me.
Gloomtail: What is it? You killed my sister!
Shadow Mario gives Gloomtail a piece of a chocolate cake.
Gloomtail: You killed my sister!
Cake: …
He eats the cake. He gets a real disturbing look on his face.
Gloomtail: Oh, that goes through you quick. You killed my sister!
He bursts through the wall and runs down the hall but trips along the way and crashes through the floor.
Everyone: ???
Shadow Mario: (staring at YOU) You thought I forgot about the laxatives at the beginning of this FF, didn’t you?!
Bowser Jr: You never know when they’ll come in handy.
Rusty: I concur.
Yux: You guys are gross.
They jump into the hole, and jump over the huge mess of *The following sentence has been censored*. They use their amazing acrobatic skills to get over all the obstacles, and by amazing acrobatic skills, I mean destroying everything that’s in the way of the next door. They finally make it to the last door.
Shadow: Ok, men! Behind this door lies a creature of incredible power who could kill anyone by just thinking about it.
Everyone: *gulp*
Shadow Mario: So, if anything happens in there, well, I’d just want to say that I hate each and every last one of you.
Bowser Jr: You don’t know how much this means to me.
Rusty: Before we enter that door I just want to give you guys these.
He gives everyone a T-shirt with Bowser Jr, Yux, Shadow Mario, Rusty, Clefy, and Max’s faces on them, except Max and Clefy’s face are crossed out. In big, red letters are the words “The Six", which is crossed out, "The five," also crossed out, and "The Four Amigops!"
Shadow Mario: Isn’t that suppose to be Amigos?
Rusty: The Guy at the T-shirt was having a stroke.
Yux: Well, it’s the thought that counts.
Bowser Jr: No it doesn’t!
Shadow Mario: Here we enter our final battle!
They enter a room with a black coffin in the center of the room and candles with black flames surrounding the room. The coffin slowly opens and a dark spirit from a thousand years ago awakens.
Shadow Queen: Muhahahahah!
Shadow Queen: Oh honey! You're home! Have a seat and a cookie!
Shadow Mario: Thanks, dear!
Yux: I’m very disturbed inside.
Rusty: It’s always about your insides, isn’t it?!
Shadow Mario and company are seated at a large dinner table with a bunch of the most horrible looking food ever seen on earth, or Plit for that matter.
Shadow Queen: Sooooooo… Where you been?
Shadow Mario: Oh… Here and there.
Shadow Queen: Well it’s been a thousand years since I last saw you.
Shadow Mario: I told you! I was going out for milk!
Shadow Queen: For a thousand years?!
Shadow Mario: You’d be amazed how fast those cows are.
Yux: (whispering) So, where were you?
Shadow Mario: (whispering) Playing Mario Party 7 on 50 turns.
Yux: (whispering) That’s not that long.
Shadow Mario: (whispering) I was playing with blind and retarded kids.
Shadow Queen: What’s that, dear?
Shadow Mario: Oh, nothing. :)
Bowser Jr: I’m too afraid to touch any of this food.
What appears to be a chicken leg tries to bite Bowser Jr.
Shadow Mario: You eat what my wife puts in front of you!
Shadow Queen: That reminds me, you forgot to take out the trash again… for a thousand years.
She plops a HUGE bag of garbage on the table in front of Bowser Jr. He eats it.
Shadow Mario: You didn’t have to take it so literally.
Bowser Jr: Take what?
Rusty: Can we hurry this up, please?
Shadow Mario: Ok, um, honey bunny?
Shadow Queen: Yes, sugar pie?
Shadow Mario: Well, um, I, kind of want a…
Shadow Queen: Another cookie?
She holds up a cookie which, if you look closely, has worms running in and out of it. After seeing this Rusty throws up all his cookies.
Shadow Mario: No, it’s not that. It’s just that, *inhale* I want a divorce.
Just then, over the towns of all Rogueport, a cloud of pure evil covers the sky in a horrible display of pure darkness, blackening the sky to cut off the sun, the main giver of life for these people who have no hope because of this evil. A thunderous voice echoes across the country. A voice of such evil with a tone of great confusion.
Shadow Queen: YOU WANT A WHAT?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!??!?!!!
Shadow Mario: A divorce?
Shadow Queen: AND AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU?!!!
Shadow Mario: Well, it’s just that, I found these skeletons in the closet a thousand years ago. I forgot about them until I did an Interview with these couple of guys who told me about the whole killing your husband thing.
Shadow Queen: I killed them because they wanted a divorce! Just like what you're doing now!
Shadow Mario: Oops.
Yux: Hey! You didn’t tell us anything about divorcing a huge, ancient, killing machine monster!
Rusty: You said we were going to steal the social security checks from the huge, ancient, killing machine monster’s ugly grandma!
Grandma Shadow: What?!
Rusty: Nothing.
Grandma Shadow: What?!
Rusty: NOTHING!
Grandma Shadow: When I was your age, there was sand everywhere! And a huge body of water could split in half on command!
Shadow Queen: Did you just say that I was old and that grandma was ugly?! You two will join his death!
Bowser Jr: Ha ha!
Shadow Queen: And YOU dragged dirt into the my palace when you came in! You must all die!
Bowser Jr: How did she know?!
Both his feet are covered in a pair of giant mud balls, and a couple dead Toads.
Bowser Jr: Dead Toads are always funny.
Shadow Mario: Shut up.
Shadow Queen: DIE!
She tries to grab Rusty but he blocks with his sword, then he jumps and tries to slice her but she bats him away. Rusty jumps at her again, but this time Bowser Jr. uses his Bullet Bill Blaster to shoot the Queen before she can defend.
Rusty: You know, normal people usually die after getting hit by a sword.
Shadow Queen: Shut up!
She summons thunder from the sky… er… ceiling, to stun Rusty and Bowser Jr. so she can grab both of them and start sucking the life out of them. Shadow Mario uses his paintbrush to throw goop at her until she let goes. Yux comes from behind and breathes fire on her.
Shadow Queen: Keep your bad breath to yourself!
She summons a bunch of dead hands from out of the ground to pull Yux into the Shadows.
Shadow Mario: I’m coming, Yux!
He trips on the SAME banana peel.
Shadow Mario: &%$#@! What’s with all these banana peels?
Everyone points to Donkey Kong.
Shadow Mario: I still think King Kong is better.
DK throws a barrel at him.
Shadow Queen: DIE! AGAIN!
She charges herself up and smashes the ground near the group, causing them to fly into the air where she grabs them.
Bowser Jr: It’s always about you grabbing people, isn’t it?
She suck him into the Shadows. Two minutes later she brings Bowser Jr. and Yux back up.
Yux: So… dark and… smelly!
Bowser Jr: It smelled like someone *The following sentence has been censored*. Why are all the sentences about dirty socks on the floor censored?
Shadow Queen: Well, honey, it’s time to die. Maybe next time you’ll give me a proper shotgun wedding.
Shadow Mario: But you hosted the shotgun wedding, and it was an AK 47 wedding.
Shadow Queen: Shut up.
Suddenly, all five of the wands shoot out of Shadow Mario’s pocket, and the two wands that melted, have now reformed.
Shadow Mario: I remember the game we’re based on now! Go, my wands, and gather the cheers of all the people we helped!
Bowser Jr: We helped people?
The wands leave the room.
Petalburg...
Koopa: Is there anyone left?
Bub-ulb: No, that stupid blue plumber killed everyone. Wait… isn’t this the fourteenth time you asked me this?
Koopa: Is there anyone left?
The wand flouts up to the two. They look closely into the gem and see the fight between Shadow Mario and the Shadow Queen.
Bub-ulb: Hey! There’s that stupid plumber now! You stink!
Koopa: All plumber stink!
Alien Mario: Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssse!
Larry: I’ll take that wand, thank you.
He grabs the wand and kills the two. All of a sudden a red blur jumps on Larry, causing him to pass out, and flies into the sky.
Boggly Woods...
If you remember this chapter then besides being a nerd you will recall that everyone is dead.
Ludwig: That was a good power nap. What’s my wand doing here floating in midair?
He takes the wand, then gets hit in the head by the same blur that got Larry.
Glitz Pit… er… crater...
The wand floats to an empty meadow, where the remains of the destroyed Glitz Pit are still… destroyed.
Roy: Woah, that was a long fall. I can’t believe I survived that. Maybe the author likes me!
The wand lands on him, then the red blur.
Roy: Never mind.
He passes out.
Twilight Town...
Iggy is seen running for his life from a herd of werewolves. He turns a corner and hides by the broad side of a barn.
Iggy: (breathing rapidly) The hippy rock concert was bad enough, but werewolves?! I hope nothing appears to give away my position.
His wand slowly floats down to him with light shooting out of it into all directions. The wolves start to dash at Iggy.
Iggy: Why’d I put in a disco ball feature? AHHHHHH!!!
The red blur jumps on Iggy and before it takes off again, it grabs him and throws him to Rogueport. The werewolves, who just lost their only meal, start to kill each other for their flesh.
Keelhaul Key...
Apparently going Ludicrous speed causes nuclear radiation. Who’d of thunk it? Well everyone’s dead except for Wendy, who's on a small island.
Wendy: I should really say something that would make no sense whatsoever for no reason at all, but I won’t.
The wand and the red blur hit her. Notice a pattern?
Poshley Heights...
Basically the same thing happens. So let's just move on.
Fahr Outpost...
Goldbob: Do you have the feeling that
we’re the only ones left alive in
Rogueport?
General White: All the time, Gold. All the time.
Lemmy's Deathstar lands on the town, killing everyone.
Lemmy: Man! Being shot through space hurts! A couple more hits might knock me out.
The wand and blur land on him.
…
Shadow Mario: … Hello?
Yux: We actually killed everyone?
Shadow Queen: DIE YET AGAIN!! Oh, now what?
The Ghost of Max appears.
Yux: Max! Where did you learn that?
Max: Some guy in a bathrobe with a glow stick taught me it. But, unfortunately it cuts out right before I say anything too important.
Yux: Well what do you want?
Max: Ok, let me make this quick.
He clears his throat.
Max: (in Obi Wan’s voice) Yux! Use the haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttt!
Yux: But how?
Max: (fading out) Look inside youselffffffffff!!!!
He disappears.
Yux: Ok.
He looks into his mouth.
Yux: Hey! When did Max carve the words “Press the red button on my hat” onto my uvula? Wait, this hat’s got a button?
He feels around on the hat until he finds a button. He presses it, and the hat fuses with his skull.
Yux: What the?! This thing feel like it’s reaching into my brai… RANDOMIZE!
He glows, then stops.
Yux: That was random.
Shadow Mario: Oh, for the love of DAD we still have to that stupid thing?!
Rusty: Well at least we can give him a nickname now. Isn’t that right, Random Boy?! Ha ha ha!
Yux: Someone please kill me.
Bowser Jr: Sorry, I’m out of ammo.
Yux: Well, let's get this over with. Apparently the good news is…
The red blur from earlier jumps on the Shadow Queen, does a 360 degrees spin, then lands. The red blur is… a Goomba who's on fire?
Goomba: HELP ME!!!
Shadow Mario: That’s new. They usually say, KILL ME!!!
Shadow Queen: Well I’m trying to!
Mario walks into the room.
Shadow Queen: Oh no! It’s Luigi!
I said it was Mario!
Shadow Queen: Does the sky usually talk like that?
Everyone: Yes.
Mario: Chhhheeeeeeesssssssssseeeeeee!
He pulls out a Fire Flower and a piece of cheese. He combines the two to form a black Fire Flower. He eats it, turns purple, then throws a huge black ball at the Shadow Queen. It creates a black hole and sends her and Shadow Mario back to the Realm of Shadows (READ MY INTERVIEWS TO FIND OUT WHAT THIS IS! SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISEMENT ROCKS!)
Bowser Jr: … We finally ditched that loser! Brake out the Sampan!
Yux: I’d hold on that if I was you.
Rusty: Why, Random Boy?
Yux: … 'Cause the bad news is…
The Palace of Shadows blows up, sending everyone flying into the air.
Bowser Jr: Congratulations, Yux. You have been demoted to the most hated character in this FF. Right after Max.
Rusty: I should cut you with something, if only I had something sharp.
Yux: Well it’s great to be the center of attention for once. Oh, by the way, we’re not done yet with the bad news.
They all of a sudden get abducted by… Morton?! Oh, and Alien Mario.
Alien Mario: Che…
Bowser Jr. blasts him.
Morton: Now it's time for my famous, as in infamous, as in well known, speech about speeches that are about speeches in books volume 178,563,587,656,437!
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
They try to jump out of the plane but three chairs shoot out of the floor and strap Bowser Jr, Yux, Rusty, and me in! AHHHHHHHH!!!
Morton: Where, as in the place, as in the coordinates, should I start, as in begin, as in the beginning?
Bowser Jr: Oh for the love of DAD, someone kill me!
Yux: $#%#@&#!!!
Rusty: Something random save us!
The fuse on Rusty’s head, which was burning since Chapter five, reaches the end of the fuse.
Rusty: THANK YOU, DAD!!!
He blows up, destroying the plane and causing it to crash in Rogueport on top of the “Fifth annual original Paper Mario game’s partners reunion”.
The next day...
Bowser Jr: I just want to say what a great honor (not) it was to work with all of you. The adventures we had I will cherish always. (Lies! All lies!) Now as we all part I just want to say that I hope our paths cross again! (Yeah, like in a dark ally, with a knife, and no witnesses.) Any last words before we part?
Yux: Yeah, um, BJ?
Bowser Jr: Yes?
Yux: We’re the only ones left. The power of randomness killed everyone.
Bowser Jr: Don’t care. Bye!
He jumps into the Koopa Cruiser and speeds away with the rest of his family.
Yux: I wonder what I should do now?
Toad: Are you Mister Yux?
Yux: Why do you ask?
Toad: My master, Maximus C. Koopa, AKA Max, has informed me about your little bet with him.
Yux: So?
Toad: You won! So you will now receive
his
96,547,057,564,576,457,645,650,675,614,306,506,451,065,764,507,846,580,716,807,516,301,658,071,643,180,743
fortune.
Yux: How did you remember all those numbers?! Wait a minute… I’M $@%$#& RICH!
Toad: And this a weird way to end a FF.
Yux: I DON’T CARE!! To my riches, peasant!
Toad: Yes, Master.
Well, so ends a completely useless story that didn’t make sense whatsoever. No redeeming value, barely any comedy, basically nothing. Well, here’s what happened later anyways.
Bowser Jr...
After about a week the Koopalings and Bowser discovered from the surveillance cameras that Bowser Jr. helped in their downfall. So, they beat the crud out of him until he lost all five senses.
Max...
Now dead, he spends the rest of his afterlife playing cards with a bunch of guys in bathrobes with glow sticks. He's never won once.
Clefy...
Also dead. She now is currently bothering her brothers from BeYoNd ThE gRaVe!
Rusty...
Went crazy and is now helping Vivian (who is somehow not dead) make those pancakes you heard about in Maguskoopa’s first FF from BeYoNd ThE gRaVe! Doesn’t that scare anyone? … Moving on.
Yux...
Did receive that fortune but it’s not what he thought it would be. :)
Shadow Mario...
Read the sequel to find out!
Maguskoopa: You stole this afterward thing from me!
Narrator: No he didn’t.
Maguskoopa: Ok then.
He leaves.
Well I guess that’s it. Well…
THE END
The lights turn on to reveal that all the events that occurred happened on a movie screen, and the audience doesn’t look too happy.
Shady: So… what do you think?
Koopa: It stinks!
Goomba: If I wanted to hear stupid jokes I would've stayed with Bowser!
Yoshi: We would kill you if you hadn;t glued us to the chairs!
Toad: THIS DOCUMENTRY ON THINGS THAT ALREADY HAPPENED ROCKS!
Shady: Well… one out of five thousand isn’t too bad. Now for the DVD extras!
Blaze: Um, Shady?
Shady: Yes?
Blaze: We’re previewing now.
Shady: Oh, I guess you all have to wait here until the DVD comes out!
He leaves and locks the doors behind him.
Five months later...
Shady: Ok! We’re back with the DVD! Amazingly it was only half a coin!
The audience is empty except for a really fat Toad with a bunch of bones around him.
Shady: Let's begin!
…
I have provided a link to a site were the music you’re about to read is being played. I do not own this music video or know the guy who made it. You have the choice to click the link or not, but if you do click it I would suggest you turn off the Lemmy Land music. The events are around the beginning and end of chapter five. Thank you.
…
Shadow Mario: And we’re doing this why?
Max: BECAUSE IT’S COOL!
Clefy: Just as long as it doesn’t get put on a DVD.
Rusty: Le'ts do this thing!
Yux: Rock Out!
*Bowser Jr: (Breaking his guitar) ROCK’IN!
Shadow Mario: Oh we're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh we're not gonna take it anymore!
Clefy: We've got the right to choose it! There ain't no way we'll lose it! This is our life, this is our song!
Yux: We'll fight the powers that be just! Don't pick our destiny 'cause! You don't know us, you don't belong!!!
Everyone: Oh we're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh we're not gonna take it anymore!
Max: Oh you're so condescending! Your gall is never-ending! We don't want nothing', not a thing from you!
Rusty: Your life is trite and jaded! Boring and confiscated! If that's your best, your best won't do!
*Bowser Jr: Oh Oh!
Shadow Mario: We're right!
Everyone: Yeah!
Clefy: We're free!
Everyone: Yeah!
Max: We'll fight!
Everyone: Yeah!
Yux: You'll see!
Everyone: Yeah!
Everyone: Oh we're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh we're not gonna take it anymore! Oh we're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh we're not gonna take it anymore!
Rusty: No way!
*Bowser Jr: Oh Oh!
Shadow Mario: We're right!
Everyone: Yeah!
Clefy: We're free!
Everyone: Yeah!
Max: We'll fight!
Everyone: Yeah!
Yux: You'll see!
Everyone: Yeah!
Shadow Mario: Oh we're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh we're not gonna take it anymore! Oh we're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh we're not gonna take it anymore!
Clefy: Just you try and make us! We're not gonna take it! Come on!
Yux: No, we ain't gonna take it!
The Man: You're all worthless and weak!
Yux: We're not gonna take it anymore!
The Man: Now drop and give me twenty!
Max: We're not gonna take it!
*Bowser Jr: Oh crinch pin!
Max: No, we ain't gonna take it! Oh you and your uniform! We're not gonna take it anymore!!!
Shadow Mario: Good night, Wisconsin!
THE REAL END!
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