Kamek Katastrophe

By Lemmy's Campfire Tales

Back with the Yoshis...

Yellow: Hey, if people who come from a town called Smithereens are blown up, where do they end up?

Yoshi: What kind of question is that? And it's two in the morning!

Yellow: I dunno; I just have a bad feeling that something is going to happensoon.

Back with the two villains...

Ultimate Guy: Look, Yoshi tracks!

Paper Baby Bowser: Those aren't Yoshi tracks.

Ultimate Guy: Yes they are. I took wilderness school.

Paper Baby Bowser: Fat chance. I've seen Yoshi tracks and I say they are not from Yoshiboots!

Ultimate Guy: No! Listen, there is no way any other animal could make these tracks! Well, unless it is a Koopa, but they aren't native to this part.

Paper Baby Bowser: Well, Kamek may have them tracking the area.

Ultimate Guy: Why? He has US looking for them!

Paper Baby Bowser: Listen, it is improbable for a Yoshi BABY to make tracks of thissize.

Ultimate Guy: Still, let's follow them.

Paper Baby Bowser: *sigh* Fine.

The duo sets off in search of the babies, who are unaware they are coming...

It is early in the morning. The squad is well rested for what could happen.

Paper Baby Bowser: What a pathetic town!

Ultimate Guy: I say we burn it!

Paper Baby Bowser: I like your style!

So Paper Baby Bowser and Ultimate Guy burn up buildings.

Toad: Arrgh! The British are coming! THE BRITISH ARE COMING! ANDMYHATISONFIREPUTITOUTPUTITOUTPUTITOUT!

The Toad stops, rolls, and drops.

Ultimate Guy: Don't you mean, burn, hurt, and die?

Toad: Hey, not a bad idea!

The Toad burns, hurts, and dies. It is then that the four Yoshis exit the inn. Yoshi looks around, and notices that everything is on fire.

Yoshi: Okay... Either this place is under attack, or somebody left their barbeque on too long.

Red somehow turns back into a girl again.

Blue: Oh, nuts...

Paper Baby Bowser: Well, look what we have here!

Ultimate Guy: Master Kamek will be pleased!

Paper Baby Bowser: Master Baby Bowser will be pleased!

Yoshi: OH NO! ULTIMATE GUY HAS TEAMED UP WITH A TALKING CUTOUT!

Paper Baby Bowser: How dare you? I AM PAPER BABY BOWSER!!!

Blue: Good for you.

Ultimate Guy: ... This is getting nowhere. See, why don't we stop the monologuing and kill them already!

Paper Baby Bowser: But monologuing seems so necessary.

Yoshi: You can be a good villain without monologuing.

And so the argument goes on...

Red: Blue, the town is on fire and I'm scared!

Red clings on to Blue for approximately the 999,999,999,999,999,999,999...

One hour later...

...999,999,999,999,999...

Two hours later...

...999,999,999th time!

Blue: Off!

A bolt of lightning strikes Blue, who is set on fire.

Blue: HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT
HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT
HOTHOTHOTHOTHOT!!!!

Blue runs into Paper Baby Bowser, setting him on fire.

Paper Baby Bowser:HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT
HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT
HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT!

Paper Baby Bowser jumps into Luigi's toilet from Luigi's Do-it-your-StinkingSelf.

Paper Baby Bowser: UGH! I GOT MY PAPER WET!

Ultimate Guy: This is pointless.

Paper Baby Bowser: What are you complaining about?

Ultimate Guy: Well, each time a legitimate and proper fight is about tohappen, something goes wrong.

Paper Baby Bowser: Excuse me?

Ultimate Guy: Never mind.

Yoshi: So then... now what?

Yellow: WE FIGHT!!!

Ultimate Guy: About time!

And so the show down is about to begin. Paper Baby Bowser goes to the cleaners and hops in a washing machine.

Ultimate Guy: Before he gets out he'll have lost his colors. But I say we fight to the death!

Blue: YEAH! Red, you are up first!

Red: Why don't you go and fight for me, Blue! I don't want to be near death when I propose!

Blue: See the point now?

Yoshi: Why the fighting?! That's what all stories do now! Why can't we defeat him originally?

Yellow: What? That is stupid, we aren't going to fight battlewise.

All Others: HUH?!

Yellow: Yeah, we're going to fight Gitaroo Man style!!!

Ultimate Guy: ... That's not really original.

Yellow: Who said anything about originality?

Yoshi: What did I just get through saying?!

A flying pig crushes Ultimate Guy and flies away.

Yoshi: Now THAT was original!

Ultimate Guy: I'll be back!

Ultimate Guy flies away. A thoroughly washed Paper Baby Bowser with few colors left runs out of the cleaners and climbs onto Ultimate Guy.

Yoshi: Let's go onto the Snow Mountain area that's on the map!

Blue: Wait, what about the town?

Red: Well, it burns with a passion for love!

Yellow: I say we leave it! Nobody cares for those fungi or those stupid plumbers!

And so the group head off towards the Snow Mountain area. Meanwhile with Kamek...

Baby Clawdia: Kamek, play with me and my future husband!

Kamek: HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY WAND!

Kamek snatches the wand from Baby Bowser and points it at the screen. It then hits Yellow.

Yellow: Let's go! Wh-woah! I feel sick!

Yellow's skin turns black and his eyes red. His shell grows red spikes and his tail spikes grow longer and sharper.

Yellow (or now Dark Yellow, as we'll call him): NOO!

Even his voice sounds of hatred and pain.

Red: He's kinda cute, but I like Blue even better!

Dark Yellow: Get your lusting eyes away from me!

Red: ... Ok.

Dark Yellow: This whole thing is completely irrelevant! This is pointless and furthermore nonoriginal!

Yoshi: Oh no, he's a Yoshi version of Ultimate Guy!

Blue: Yeah, that was obvious.

Dark Yellow: STOP LOOKING AT ME! I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY!

Yoshi: Is he going to attack us?

Blue: I think it's Transformus Miserus.

Red: Transformus Miserus? What's that?

Blue: After a transformation, if it is particularly horrible, the victim goes mad for ten hours. Bunch of rubbish to me.

Dark Yellow: Then again, I kinda like this form.

Dark Yellow pushes Yoshi against the wall.

Dark Yellow: You will transform us all back to regular age, but you WILL leave my transformation be!

Yoshi: And if I change you back you'll have no knowledge of ever being evil.

Dark Yellow: ... Blasted loopholes.

Yoshi: Well we'd better get on moving.

And they set off. Meanwhile...

Ultimate Guy: Ok, this plan is sure to work!

Paper Baby Bowser: Of course it will; it can't fail!

Now, at Bowser Castle...

Kamek: Ok, the children are asleep.

Baby Bowser and Baby Clawdia are bound, gagged, and blindfolded in Baby Bowser's crib.

Kamek: Now to see the current situation.

Kamek then looks at the screen. The four Yoshis have just made it to the Snow Mountain area, except that it is now the Mountain Factory area.

Red: WHAT?! When did this place turn into a factory?!

Yoshi: At the beginning of the story, actually. Don't you remember?

Red: Oh, yeah.

The four Yoshis then take one step forward and fall through a hidden trapdoor. They land in a room filled with various machine parts. A gigantic, white blob then jumps up from a corner and lands in front of the Yoshis.

Salvo the Slime: HA HA! Remember me?

Yoshi: No, not really.

Salvo: Really? I was your reoccurring nemesis!

Yoshi: No, I'm drawing a blank.

Salvo: I'm a huge lemon drop that tried to push you into lava and spikes.

Yoshi: Oh yeah, I remember you!

Salvo: Finally!

Yoshi: Yeah, you were the weakling.

Salvo: Excuse me?!

Yoshi: You were the easiest one to beat!

Salvo: ... WELL I'VE CHANGED SINCE THEN!!! SLIME POWERS ACTIVATE!

Salvo turns into a giant Yoshi.

Salvo: As some idiots on a planet called Earth say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

Salvo throws a slimy egg at Dark Yellow.

Yoshi: You should not have done that...

Salvo: And why not?

Yoshi: It's too gruesome to explain.

This scene has been edited out because of reasons that make this story rated M by the ESRB.

Salvo: Ow, pain... hurt... bleeding.

Dark Yellow: Now where to?

Yoshi: I don't know. Ask the narrator.

Oh, it's always the narrator who knows now, is it?

Blue: That's the general idea.

Well then, if that's the case, you'll just have to guess between those three doors over there.

Yoshi: Doors... It has to be doors!

They walk up to the doors and then a huge block speaks to them (it's above them on a ledge).

Block: Now to pass you have to choose which door you'll have to use!

Red: I love rhymes!

Blue: Good, go love the block.

Block: Eh? What block?

The block transforms into Salvo.

Yoshi: Wait, didn't Yellow beat you to a pulp? And, aren't you over there?

They all look, but the Salvo they beat isn't there.

Salvo; I moved and healed while you spoke with the narrator.

Dark Yellow: Oh that makes sense, it's still a big waste of our time. It's so pointless to tell us this and...

Blue: SHUT UP!!!

Salvo: For real; you sound like that huge mutated Shy Guy that passed through the middle door not too long ago.

Dark Yellow: Haven't learned your lesson yet, huh? Well, TAKE THIS!!!

The following scenes are so violent, even the ESRB doesn't have a high enough rating to give it.

The few remains of Salvo drip through a nearby sewer grate and are annihilated by the sewer water.

Yoshi: Well... I guess we'll never see that guy again.

Red: Blue, I'm scared!

Red clings to Blue again, breaking the world record for most times having clung onto somebody else.

Blue: GET OFF OF ME!!!

Yoshi: Now, let's just head through the middle-

Yoshi is interrupted by none other then Tap Tap the Golden, previous guard of one of four paths through Baby Bowser's previous castle, teleporting in front of them!

Tap Tap the Golden: MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-

Dark Yellow: OH, JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!

Dark Yellow then pounces towards Tap Tap the Golden, but all of his attacks do nothing.

Tap Tap the Golden: -HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Yoshi: I have a bad feeling about this...

Blue: Hey! How are we ever going to defeat this thing?!

Yoshi: Aren't we forgetting about something?

Meanwhile...

Ultimate Guy: Man, when on Plit are they going to show up here? I can't tolerate waiting!

Paper Baby Bowser: I can't tolerate losing to them again! Let's just leave; I hired one of my personal guards to take care of them.

Back at the factory...

Jr. Troopa runs up to the group.

Jr. Troopa: You nearly are out of the factory and you have two worlds to go! But to go there, you have to get by me!

Dark Yellow: Who was the idiot who sent you, ya little twerp?! I'm not in a good mood, so go away! I could tear you limb from limb!

Jr. Troopa: WAAH! I mean, umm... I am the most fiercest guard of Pwincess Bwosa!

Blue: Not to mention the most fiercest grammar-impaired brat.

Red jumps onto Blue for yet ANOTHER hug! When will the horror end?! George W. Bush runs up to Red and gives her a certificate for "Frequent Hugging".

Bush: You've broken the world record!

Bush is thrown into a trash bag by Democrats.

Tap Tap the Golden: Watch it, twerp! I was here first!

Jr. Troopa: Oh reelies? Weel den, I'll ave to beet youse up, twose!

Yoshi: OH, WHEN WILL THE BAD GRAMMAR END?!

Dark Yellow then kicks Jr. Troopa out of the factory. He then tries to attack Tap Tap the Golden again, but his attacks do no damage.

Tap Tap the Golden: MWA HA HA HA! You cannot get past my awesome metallic body!

Dark Yellow: BLAST IT ALL! Can you die?!

Tap Tap the Golden: NO! So you can kiss my shiny spiky...

Yoshi: This is a family friendly story!

Tap Tap the Golden: I was going to say rear.

Yoshi: Oh... Never mind.

Meanwhile, Jr. Troopa lands in front of Ultimate Guy and Paper Baby Bowser, who are making their way to the teleporter that's connected to Baby Bowser's Castle.

Ultimate Guy: Oh look, another young brat. It looks as though this will be an easier fight than those Yoshis, though.

Jr. Troopa: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT WAIT! WAIT! !
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT! WAIT!

Ultimate Guy: FOR DAD'S SAKE, SHUT UP!

Jr. Troopa: Sorry.

Ultimate Guy: That's better. Now, why do you want us to prolong your death?

Jr. Troopa: Because I'm on your side! I wanna beat the Yoshis!

Paper Baby Bowser: By "on our side", do you mean that you were on our side originally, or that you just joined up because you don't want to die?

Jr. Troopa: The first one.

Paper Baby Bowser: Well then, I don't see any problems with you joining us instead of us killing you.

Ultimate Guy: Yes, I agree. With a toddler on our side, we can figure out what may go on in the minds of the Yoshis!

Back with the Yoshis, they had just noticed various sharp pieces ofmachinery located around the room that even Tap Tap the Golden is scared toget close to.

Dark Yellow: Now we're talking!

Dark Yellow hurls a chainsaw at Tap Tap The Golden. Tap Tap the Golden turnsinto a pigeon and dies.

Yoshi: I see light up ahead! Let's go! Only Death Mountain and Baby Bowser's Castle to go!

As our heroes go to the middle door they are interrupted by the "Trio of Terror".

Jr.Troopa: Not so fast, you losers!

Paper Baby Bowser: You shall feel the doom rain upon your doomed heads!

Ultimate Guy: Though this is irrelevant and pointless, your untimely demise is imminent!

All: FOR WE ARE THE TRIO OF TERROR!!!

Yoshi: *holding in laughter*

Dark Yellow: What are you, POWER RANGERS?!

Paper Baby Bowser: Eh?

Blue: That's so corny and pathetic.

Ultimate Guy and Jr.Troopa look angrily at Paper Baby Bowser.

Paper Baby Bowser: What? It's cool!

TOT: BEGIN FUSION!

They fuse together to make a golden Shy Guy cutout with an egg shell at the bottom.

Dark Yellow: Ha ha ha! I will take pleasure in tearing you apart!

Red: Blue, I'm scared! HOLD ME!

Red clings on to Blue for the 9,999,999,999,999,999...

Three hours later...

999,999,999,999th time in the universe.

Blue throws Red at Cutout Ultimate Guy.

Cutout Ultimate Guy: Missed me?

Red: Nope!

Red breathes fire onto Cutout Ultimate Guy.

Cutout Ultimate Guy: Just because I'm a cutout, doesn't mean I'm made of paper.

Red: Oh... Man, I look stupid now.

Blue: You already have.

Yoshi: Where is it, where is it...?

Blue: What are you looking for, Yoshi?

Yoshi: Well, when we usually fight monsters that are larger than all of us combined and are nearly invulnerable, there's always one gigantic flaw that will grant us victory. For Naval Piranha, there was that bandaid. For the regular version of Tap Tap, it was the destructible floor. But, what could be the weakness of this guy?

A strong, arctic wind breezes by and blows Cutout Ultimate Guy away.

Yoshi: Ah, the fact that he was too thin to be unaffected by the wind. I should have guessed...

Cutout Ultimate Guy: CURSE YOU, WIND! CURSE YOU!!!

Blue: That was easy! ... Well, sort of.

Meanwhile, back at Baby Bowser's Castle...

Kamek: CURSES! THAT FOOLISH ULTIMATE GUY FUSED WITH THOSE OTHERS AND HE STILL LOST! THOSE MORONIC YOSHIS ARE AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN, WITHIN SIGHT OF MY CASTLE!

Baby Bowser: Kamek, yous wanna pway wit me and Cwadia?

Kamek: I thought I had you gagged! Sure, lets play Kick-A-Brat!

Kamek kicks the two babies out of the room.

Kamek: ULTIMATE GUY, YOU HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE! But this time, you failures are to have a little help from a special potion of mine. If you lose, you're unemployed and are to be replaced by Steve over there!

At the opposite side of the room a rather small Raven sits in the corner.

Steve: I am small, yet I prevail!

Ultimate Guy: You're kidding, right?

Kamek: No, you should receive the potion soon. All of you drink it and you should like what happens.

Ultimate Guy: You know super potions are cliched, but I'll do it.

Paper Baby Bowser: There's no way we'll lose!

Jr.Troopa: I'll drink it, but can I have a cool hat like you?

Kamek: Goodbye.

His monitor shuts off.

Kamek: Oi vey, I'm getting too old for this.

Later...

Dark Yellow: I feel Kamek's ever pulsing aura.

Red: ... You know, Blue, I know a great makeout spot here.

Blue: (sarcastically) Really? Oh, that would be perfect!

Yoshi: I can't wait 'til this is over.

Meanwhile, Ultimate Guy, Paper Baby Bowser, and Jr. Troopa drank the potion and find that they have grown twenty feet tall.

Ultimate Guy: They don't stand a chance!

Paper Baby Bowser: This time we shall prevail!

Jr. Troopa: I will have revenge!

Back with the Yoshis...

Dark Yellow: I see Ultimate Guy and his lackeys have grown.

Red: We should run.

Dark Yellow: COWARD!

Yoshi: We don't stand a chance, but Kamek's Castle is up ahead! We need to find a way to slip by them.

Dark Yellow: Yes but the bigger they are the harder they fall. Besides, growth is extremely cliched an-

Yoshi: SHUT UP! Listen, I know it's been used forever and that they fall harder, but they also hit harder as well! Now we are going to avoid them, got it?

DY: ... *sigh* Fine, you ruin all my fun.

Yoshi: Ok, any plans?

Dark Yellow: WE FIGHT!

Yoshi: No, anyone else?

Red: I know! Blue and I will kiss, and they'll be too distracted to stop you two!

Yoshi: I like that plan!

Blue: I don't!

Dark Yellow: Do it, Blue! Otherwise, I'll beat you up!

Blue: Fine, fine! If I must, I guess I must.

Dark Yellow: Really? I was looking forward to beating you up, too...

Red: Here we go!

Blue: *sigh* If I have to...

Blue willingly kisses Red in front of the three enemies. The entire world is distracted enough for Yoshi and Dark Yellow to get past the border to Dark Land and closer to Kamek's Castle.

Blue: BLECH!

Blue looks sick!

Red: Come on, Blue!

The other two Yoshis slip by the still-stunned guards.

Yoshi: Kamek's Castle is up ahead.

Dark Yellow: I'll thrash him 'til he's purple!

Blue: Anything to undo this curse!

Red: Let's go.

Toadie: Sir, the vermin have succeeded in getting into the castle!

Kamek: This is just great! STEVE, IT'S YOUR TIME TO SHINE!

Steve: Yes, I shall not fail! Steve Bonaparte does not fail easily!

Kamek: Good.

Steve: I give you my word.

Meanwhile...

Yoshi: Where are we? It's so different since last time.

Dark Yellow: Shhh! Do you hear that?!

Red: Hear what?

WHOOSH!

Dark Yellow: That.

Steve: Prepare for defeat! You meddlesome Yoshis!

Yoshi: And who are you?

Steve: Oh ho ho! I am Steve Bonaparte, your worst nightmare!

Dark Yellow: Another one? Oh great!

Blue: Wait, did he say Bonaparte? Why does that sound so familiar...?

Steve then puts on a hat that looks like Napoleon's.

Blue: Oh yeah, I remember that name from a history book on Earth!

Dark Yellow: Well, whoever this guy is, I'll take him down personally!

Dark Yellow then pulls out a gigantic Bullet Bill Blaster.

Steve: *gulp* It's Waterloo all over again!

Red: Waterloo?

Steve: Yeah, that's the place where Napoleon was finally defeated.

Red: Napoleon? As in Dynamite?

Steve: No, you insolent little-

KABOOM!

Steve: Ack, you insolent little pests! Well, unlike my idol Napoleon, I will not lose!

Dark Yellow: I beg to differ!

Dark Yellow lunges at him and Steve dodges with extreme ease.

Dark Yellow: What?! No way you're that fast!

Steve: Oh ho ho! You are so naive, I am the great Steve Bonaparte!

A huge cannon/horse machine emerges from the ground and Steve mounts it.

Steve: Prepare to face your demise!

Steve starts to fire loads of Bullet Bills.

Steve: Waterloo this!

DY: OH #)(%^)#@, RUN FOR IT!!!

The Yoshis run in random directions around the room. Steve tries to aim at the Yoshis, but they're too fast for him. Getting an idea, Steve just fires in one spot repeatedly, and the Yoshis accidentally run into his
blasts.

Yoshi: Owowow... I can't believe this, but... we surrender.

Steve: EYAHAHAHAHA!!!  The Great Steve Bonaparte doesn't take surrender for an answer! Either you live, or you DIE!

Steve then loads one gigantic Bullet Bill into the machine.

Red: Gasp! He's gone power hungry!

Blue: Well, duh! Napoleon is his idol, and you expected something less?

Dark Yellow: Hehehe...

Steve: What are you, an insolent Yellow Yoshi that's about to be killed, laughing like that for?

Dark Yellow: I'm just wondering who you act like more... Napoleon, or Punchinello?

Steve: Why would you say something as idiotic as-

Steve's big cannon/horse machine begins to overheat from the pressure the gigantic Bullet Bill is causing it.

Steve: Oh #%#%&*.

KAPOWIE!

Steve is standing there smoldering.

Steve: So you want to play dirty, eh? Well so be it!

All of a sudden the castle roof comes off around that area and a HUGE flying battle fortress comes out of the clouds.

Steve: MWHAHAHA! Meddling Yoshis, meet ROCKIN' RAVEN! My supreme air fortress!

Indeed, it looks like a huge Raven of some sort. And with that, Steve leaps into the cockpit. The air fortress then transforms into a giant robot.

Yoshi: Goodness!

Red: We're all going to die!

Blue: It's so massive!

Dark Yellow: Even to me the future looks mighty grim!

Steve: OH HO HO HO! My little pests, you are about to meet a certain flame-induced demise. But do not look grim, you have the honor to be destroyed my ME! STEVE BONAPARTE, MASTER OF DOOM AND DEMISE!

Dark Yellow: Well, gentlemen, it has been my pleasure playing with you.

Yoshi: Shall we play one last time?

Blue: What's with all the pessimistic talk around here? I say we are going to kick his-

Red: BLUE!

Blue: What? I was going to say pattotie.

Dark Yellow: Pattotie?

Blue: ... It was a last second thing.

Dark Yellow: Yes, but pattotie?

Yoshi: Forget about it, let's just beat this clown.

Steve: Well then, prepare for THIS!

Dark Yellow: Wait a minute. Remember how I said the bigger they are, the harder they fall?

Yoshi: Yeah! We'll get rid of that stupid Raven!

Steve: That's Steve Bonaparte to you!

Red: But he'd be impossible to move!

Blue: Why don't you use your fire breath? His leg would get so weak we could easily push it over!

Red: Hai! Bon voyage de weremo!

Yoshi: English, please!

Red: Yes! Say goodbye, moron!

Red breathes fire on the tobot's leg.

Steve: ... Haven't you ever heard of flame-resistant metal?

Dark Yellow: You made sure you have everything flawless, didn't you?

Steve: Well, I don't mean to brag.

Blue: Looks like we'll have to JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE ROCKIN' RAVEN!

Yoshi: Yeah? And how do we do that?

Blue: Through that hole between his legs.

Steve: ... STUPID ASSEMBLY SHY GUYS!

Shy Guy Maintenance Worker: We made that in order to clean the insides of it. Please don't blame us.

The Shy Guy maintenance worker runs away.

Yoshi: We'll find the core of it and deactivate it!

Blue: This sounds an awful lot like that scenario in Final Fantasy 2 where you enter the robot to destroy the core.

Red: Ooh, my precious Blue likes games with lots of romance in them!

Dark Yellow punches Red.

Dark Yellow: Can't you go two seconds without clinging to him?

Steve: Dang it! The robot won't work!

Yoshi: Now's our chance!

The Yoshis run inside of the robot and search around for its core. After much maneuvering through large cogs and gears, they finally make it to the center of the robot. However, one last foe jumps out from behind the core to battle the Yoshis one last time.

Ultimate Guy: I may have been fired, but I never quit a mission until I succeed!

Yoshi: Hey, where did those other two go?

Ultimate Guy: Well, Paper Baby Bowser accidentally was caught by the wind and fell into a paper shredder, and Jr. Troopa decided that life was easier when he was picking on Goombas and went back to Goomba Village.

Yoshi: Well, that answers that.

Ultimate Guy: Yeah, more or less. Now, prepare to be killed!

Red: Ooh! Ooh! I know! I'll burn him with my fire breath and you guys attack while he's weakened!

Ultimate Guy: HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

Red: I read about this in the Nintendo Power guide.

Red breathes fire onto Ultimate Guy.

Ultimate Guy: I have invested in fireproof clothing as Steve has in his robot!

Red: Drat!

Steve: You pests! I shall eradicate you!

Dark Yellow: Here comes the Napoleon syndrome freak.

Ultimate Guy: Hey, you! This is MY fight! Get out of here!

Steve: No! This is my robot, and I should be the one who fights inside it!

Ultimate Guy: But I'm their archenemy for this adventure! I deserve one final battle!

Steve: But I don't want to just be a nobody and not get some action in myself!

Ultimate Guy: But I-

Dark Yellow: WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?!

Ultimate Guy: Sheesh! You don't have to yell!

Ultimate Guy sends Steve flying at the core, which shatters.

Voice: RAVEN ROBOT SELF DESTRUCT IN T-20 MINUTES.

Dark Yellow: OH %#^*(#%^*(#@$^%#^)^(*)$^*^*(&@(%^$!!!

Blue: Hurry! We've got to get out of this thing through the same hole we came in from!

Quickly, the four Yoshis and Ultimate Guy dash towards the hole. However, just before he reaches the exit, Ultimate Guy trips and falls! Yoshi is about to leave, but when he sees Ultimate Guy unable to escape himself, Yoshi grabs him by the arm and carries him out. In mere seconds after everyone escapes, the gigantic robot and Steve blow up permanently!

Ultimate Guy: Why... Why did you save me from a fate such as that if we are sworn enemies?

Yoshi: Because though you may have been trying to kill us from the start, you didn't deserve to die like that.

Ultimate Guy: ... Thank you.

Just then, Kamek barges into the room!

Kamek: What on Plit is going on in here?!

Ultimate Guy then runs up to the Magikoopa and swipes the wand right out of his hands!

Kamek: WHAT?!

Ultimate Guy: Mere seconds ago, one tiny creature has done more for me than you ever have! He treated me with such feeling in that one brief moment, while you have shown no emotions towards me for my entire life! Nobody as cruel as you deserves power as great as this!

Ultimate Guy then throws the wand at Yoshi. Using its magical properties, Yoshi is able to return his friends back to normal! Well... more or less, anyway.

Yoshi: Hooray! We're not babies anymore!

Yellow: Hooray! I don't feel like an evil being is possessing me anymore!

Red: Hooray! Now I can marry Blue and live a happy life with him!

Blue: AUGH! Red is still a girl!

Blue then grabs the wand from Yoshi, and aims it at Red. He is about to cast a spell that would change her back into a guy, when the wand slips out of Blue's hand! Quickly, a small figure dashes into the room and catches the wand before Blue can grab it again.

Baby Bowser: Hee hee! Guess you slipped up, didn't ya! Well, now that I've seen what this thing can do, I'll just cast the strongest spell this thing can make! I'll then use it to not just takeover the entire island, but the
whole world as well!

Yoshi: NO! The whole world will be doomed!

Kamek: NO! You don't know how deadly that wand can be if not used properly!

Blue: NO! Red is still a girl!

But it is too late, as Baby Bowser has already cast the strongest spell possible on himself. Suddenly, various types of magic ejects themselves from the wand and circle around Baby Bowser. Soon, the magic is absorbed into Baby Bowser, who then starts growing to enormous proportions!

Yoshi: Oh no! He's become... GIGA BABY BOWSER!

Giga Baby Bowser: That is correct, foolish Yoshi. And now, I shall conquer all that I see with my tremendous power and unimaginable evil!

Giga Baby Bowser then kicks the wand at Red and Ultimate Guy, who then turn back to normal. The wand shatters.

Ultimate Guy: You're going down!

Ultimate Guy tackles Giga Baby Bowser. However, even with such a powerful strike, it does very little damage.

Yellow: WHAT?!

Ultimate Guy: He must have also used the wand to become invincible!

Yoshi: No problem!

Yoshi throws an egg at Giga Baby Bowser. Just then, Steve just barges in, smoldering.

Steve: YOU!

Yoshi: YOU LIVED?!

Steve: This is my battle! I shall be the one to deliver their demise!

Giga Baby Bowser: ... Who are you?

Steve: Are you serious?! Kamek hired me and you were there when I was hired!

Giga Baby Bowser: Well this is my battle anyway, so go buzz off.

Steve: What? You can't get rid of me that easily!

Steve grabs the wand and blasts Giga Baby Bowser, who changes back.

Steve: You'll get your turn later! Now I shall exact my FURY!

Steve then blasts himself with the wand and darkness and smoke go everywhere.

Steve: Mwhahahahaha!

Red: Oh no! He's a... a... A TELETUBBIE!!!

Steve the Teletubbie: Me Steve happy happy urk urk!

Blue: I'm scared!

Yellow: If I was still possessed, I'd be crying.

Yoshi: Hey, weren't you supposed to forget ever being evil?

Yellow: Right now, that's the least of our worries!

However, Steve then begins to mutate!

Mutated Steve: What's... happening to... meeeeeeEEEYYYORK!

Kamek: Dear DAD! The powers of the wand, as it was still shattered at the time, has caused him to go out of control! He's become an almighty and powerful... FUZZY!

Fuzzy Steve: MEYORK! You're still goin' down!

Yoshi: ... You're kidding me, right?

Fuzzy Steve grabs on to Yoshi.

Yoshi: GET IT OFF ME!

Yoshi runs in a circle.

Fuzzy Steve: MEYORK! It's no use, pathetic Yoshi! MEYORK! First you, then your friends, and then I will suck the very souls of everyone in the whole world! MEYORK! MUA HA HA HA HA!

Yellow: ... Nope, even when you say something like that, I still can't believe you're the final boss.

Yoshi: Get him off me! Get... him... off... me! Get......... him....... off..........

Yoshi then faints, as every last piece of energy he had was sucked into Fuzzy Steve.

Blue: NOOOO!!! You killed our leader! How could you?!

Fuzzy Steve: Very easily, actually. And now, I will use his life force to become even more powerful and invincible!

Fuzzy Steve then begins to use the energy to power himself up, causing him to grow ten times the size he was before as well. The mutant then hops up to Kamek, and saps the energy out of him as well.

Red: Come on, you two! We've got to defeat that thing before any more lives are lost! For Yoshi!

Blue: For Yoshi!

Yellow: For Yoshi!

Baby Bowser: For cryin' out loud, beat dat thing up already! He KO'd ma babysitter!

Yellow: If he hooks on to you, do the regular procedure!

Blue: Stop, drop, and roll!

Yellow: That's for fires, but it will work here too!

Red: Wait! Maybe, if we used the wand on Yoshi, he'd come back to life!

Blue: But he might mutate! It might affect Yellow and cause him to lose too!

Red: That's a chance I'm willing to take!

Just then Steve begins to change again.

Steve: Eh? Oh boy, I feel weird.

Blue: Hurry! Before he mutates again!

Yellow grasps the wand and blasts Yoshi, who is hit, but falls out a window.

Yellow: ... Don't say a word.

Steve now has sprouted eight legs, five eyes, an abdomen, and extremely large and pointy fangs. He has become SPIDER STEVE!

Steve: Yes! Now to... Wait, I'm getting BIGGER!

Indeed he is, and he breaks through the roof and is about to smite our heroes when...

???: RARRRRRRRR!

Blue: My goodness, Yoshi's become GOD YOSHI!

Yoshi now has a halo over his head, yet he's somehow alive. An odd aura of mystic light surrounds him.

God Yoshi: You will not harm anyone, Bonaparte!

Steve: IT'S ULTIMA-BONAPARTE!

Ultimate Guy: I've got a bad feeling.

Steve: Listen, so what if you have a holy aura around you?! That meansnothing in the game of war, my boy!

God Yoshi: Oh really? Prove it then.

Spider Steve then plunges his venomous fangs into God Yoshi, who, underestimating Steve, receives the full impact.

God Yoshi: Hmm, I see well tha... UG!

Spider Steve: OHOHOHOHO! You have foolishly engaged in the wrong battle!

Yellow: We need to help our chum!

Blue: Right, but how?!

Red: THE WAND!

Blue: But how? It could mess up!

Red: First, we need to restore the wand.

Red somehow casts a spell which brings the wand back to normal.

Red: Now, let's turn him into Golden God Yoshi!

Red points the wand at God Yoshi and he fuses with Ultimate Guy. Now, God Yoshi is golden.

Spider Steve: Oh shoot!

Golden God Yoshi: Now Steve, I think it is time you return to normal.

Spider Steve: Over my dead body! You can't beat me! I'm INVINCIBLE!

Golden God Yoshi: Stop being so headstrong!

Thus, the clash of the titans begins. It is an intense battle, a battle filled with emotions, dedication, and-

Golden God Yoshi: Actually, I just punched him in the face, and that was it.

Oh, sure. Ruin the dramatic tension, why don't you? Anyway, Spider Steve is almost defeated, when he starts to transform once more!

Kamek: Oh, for DAD's sake, just stick with a form already!!! First Giga Baby Bowser was supposed to be the final boss, then it was Steve the Teletubbie, then Fuzzy Steve, and then Spider Steve, and now this! THIS HAD BETTER BE THE LAST MUTATION, OR I'LL SUE!

Fine, fine. No more mutations. However, this last form would give Golden God Yoshi a very hard time. He is filled with rage. His absolute anger could be sensed for miles. He is... STEVE OVERLORD!

Steve Overlord: I HAVE NOW REACHED MY TRULY, COMPLETELY, 100 PERCENT ULTIMATE AND
FINAL FORM!

Golden God Yoshi: Oh, nuts.

Steve has transformed into a copy of DAD!!!

Overlord Dad Steve: Now then, I shall use expert moves on your scaled rear end!

Golden God Yoshi: Likewise!

And the two behemoths start to duke it out, Steve with his Bonaparte Blasts and Yoshi with his Holy Light Beams. It is brutal!

Blue: Yeah, go Yoshi!

Yellow: Kick his... ACK!

Baby Bowser: You loser donkeys! This bwattle is not over!

Red: Yes it is, you lost and... UGH!

Baby Bowser throws a large rock at Red and then leaps on her head.

Baby Bowser: This isn't over by a long shot! I can be the secondary final enemy!

Red: G-get the wand!

Red faints.

Blue: Now to have some fun.

Blue picks up the wand and aims it at Baby Bowser, who turns into a Yoshi.

Baby Bowser Yoshi: Noes! I has been turned into a pwuple donkey!

Everyone 100 miles away: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Just at that moment, Overlord Dad Steve crashes into the castle after being hit by a massive blast, and the castle starts to collapse.

Yellow: Everyone, let's GET OUT OF HERE!

So our heroes and villains, make a break for the nearest ledge.

Kamek: Out of my way!

Baby Bowser Yoshi: Tally ho!

Yellow: Ack!

Blue: Red! Get off me! I can't run with you clinging to me!

Red: We can go together, like in Titanic!

Meanwhile...

Golden God Yoshi: You fight well for a small, evil Raven.

Overlord DAD Steve: Likewise, except you're a pesky Yoshi.

Golden God Yoshi: However, I cannot let you succeed.

Overlord DAD Steve: Again we agree; I'll finish this!

However, Yoshi has another plan. With his lighting reflexes, he grabs wand and blasts a changofier beam that reverts Steve back to his small form.

Steve: No! Curses! I'll... wait! I'm falling!

Golden God Yoshi: Not to worry.

He catches Steve and places him with everyone else on the ledge.

Golden God Yoshi: Now to return everything to normal.

And with that he flicks the wand and a huge golden flash goes over everything. All the Yoshis return back to normal, Baby Bowser becomes a Koopa again, Red is changed back into a guy...

Blue: About time!

...and Yoshi and Ultimate Guy split and became normal again.

Yellow: Good to have everything back to normal.

Kamek: ... This couldn't get any worse

Baby Bowser: WHERE'S MY NEW CASTLE?!

Kamek: Oi vey!

And with that Kamek brandishes his broom, sweeps up Baby Bowser, and flies screaming into the night.

Kamek: YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!

Steve: Now what? I have nothing to live for now!

Ultimate Guy: Not true, you can become a motivational speaker.

Steve: ... No. Well, then again, being evil has been proven to be bad, so I, Steve Bonaparte, will become... PRESIDENT!

Yoshi: Well good luck with that, Steve.

Steve: Thank you, Yoshi, maybe I'll make you my campaign manager.

Yoshi: We'll see.

Red: So, Ultimate Guy, what's in store for you?

Ultimate Guy: Retirement at a nice tropical place, like that village I saw earlier.

Red: That's Yoshi Village.

Ultimate Guy: Well then, we'll become neighbors.

Blue steps off to the side.

Blue: That's the story, folks. This is the conclusion of one Kamek Katastrophe.

The End

Credit goes to Waluigi's Twin, corbin the crazy yoshi, Croshi, little koopa, Martin, Phil the Koopa, Cassie Koopa, Dark Knight, Noxious Koopa, Tiff, and Flame Chocobo for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.

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