Baby Troubles

By Lemmy's Campfire Tales

"Let's move!"

A group of Koopa Troopas run through a set of ancient ruins that are rumored to contain a powerful monster. They walk through the twisting corridors of the temple until they reach a door. Once they reach it, one of the Koopas puts his head to the door and hears nothing. He then cracks the door and slips inside, with the others waiting outside.

After a minute or so of waiting, the Koopas impatiently kick the door open and gasp at what they see.


Bowser sits on his throne, eating a sandwich, when the door opens suddenly. Kammy Koopa walks into the room carrying a large box containing several things. She sets it down and walks up to her king.

"Your Rancidness, your men have successfully captured the monster spoken of in the ruins."

"Excellent. So, exactly what is it and what can it do?"

"I was just getting to that, Sire. The creature in question is a very powerful red Mr. I. It has a... unique ability."

"And that is...?"

"Well..." Kammy reaches into the box and pulls out...

"A baby?!" Yes, what Kammy has pulled out is a baby Koopa Troopa.

"You see, the creature has the power to turn people into babies. It can also turn those people back to normal," says the Magikoopa.

"I see... That's it! I've got a brilliant plan! We'll turn everyone who helps Mario, along with Mario and Peach, into babies! Be sure not to tell those little brats of mine. though."

But little does Bowser know that his oldest Koopaling is watching him via a hidden camera.


"Hmm... I do believe that this is just the kind of thing I should spend my time on! I will turn a few villains into babies and reraise them to be loyal to me and only me! Moohoohoohahoohoohahoohahhahaha!"

"What are you doing?" questions Roy, right behind him.

"Ah-duh-wha? Nothing. At least nothing you can understand. Now get out of my room before I'll test my new Matter-to-Ash 4,000 on you!"

Roy leaves in a hurry.

"Finally. Now to make the plans." Ludwig takes out a sheet of big, blue paper and quickly jots down the ideas rushing in his head. "Oh, yeah. I really feel the burn now! Work it, brain!"


Meanwhile, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Toad, and Toadette are sitting in the dining room of the Mushroom Kingdom castle, waiting for Peach to finish her special cake recipe passed down from generation to generation: the Uber Strawberry Seventeen Layered Vanilla Cake! Growling tummies echo throughout the room.

"Ugh, I could eat a tire," says Mario. "Peach, are you done yet?"

"Give me just a little bit longer. Oh, by the way, I just checked and we're out of Kerokero Cola."

"Oh," Toadette replies, "I'll go get some. then! Be right back!"

Toadette hops up and walks out of the room whistling.


Ludwig walks into the room where the Mr. I is being contained.

"So, you're this monster, huh? Well, as I am the second-in-command of Dark Land, I declare that you have to use your baby-turning powers on the inside of," Ludwig pulls out a strange beaker, "this!"

"Um... okay. Sure."

The Mr. I does so. Ludwig snickers and leaves with the beaker, planning to convert it into a chemical for his evil scheme.

Right after Ludwig leaves, Bowser, Kammy, a few Koopa Troopas, and a few Koopatrols walk into the room.

"All right, we're ready! First we're gonna stop by Toad Town, then we'll visit all of Mario's friends..."

"Okay. Whatever," the Mr. I says.

The Koopatrols picks up Red Mr. I and Bowser gets his Clown Copter. They go to the entrance to Peach's castle. They see Toadette going into the garden.

"Blast here!" orders Bowser.

"Sure," says Red Mr. I. The red Mr. I blasts a beam at Toadette.

"I'm going to the garden, I'm in the gardeee- What the?!"


"Shouldn't Toadette be here by now?" asks Mario.

"Give her time," says Toad.


Baby Toadette looks around a little and then begins to whimper as she hugs Bowser's leg. She then begins crying.


Bowser kicks off the girl, making her cry harder, and shouts, "Okay, let's go on!"


Ludwig stealthily sneaks through the hallways of Wario’s castle. He reaches the throne room and sees the owner of the castle playing a game of poker with his brother and the sisters Kat and Ana. He laughs and opens the bottle, ready to splash the contents onto all four.


Bowser walks into the castle with his troops knocking out any guards they come across. The group then begins searching all of the rooms for Peach.


A yellow-hatted Toad walks into the garden and sees Toadette, who is still crying. He picks her up.

"Who'd leave a baby lying out here like this? I'll take ya inside here and see if Peach can find a place for you to stay."

The Toad begins to walk toward the castle, then stops for a second, catching a bad smell that's begun to fill the air. "Maybe I should see if she happens to have a clean diaper to get you changed into as well."


Peach is in the kitchen when Bowser's fist comes through the door, followed by his head.

"Princess, I'm home!" Bowser says calmly.

"Oh my, it's Bowser!!!" Peach screams.

Peach runs around Bowser as he comes in and runs up the stairs as Bowser follows behind. She goes in her room and locks the door.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in!" Bowser says playfully.

“Not in your dreams, Bowser!” Peach yells non-playfully.

"What's that? Not by the hair on your chinny chin chin? Then I'll huff and I'll puff and blow your house in!" Bowser shouts playfully.

"Oh my dear!" Peach says, scared.

A fist goes through the door and Bowser sticks his head in. "HEEERE'S BOWSER!" he says playfully.

The others, having heard Peach scream and all that, run out of the dining room and go up to see what's happening, with Luigi going to search the hallways to see if Bowser might be hiding there. They sling open the door to the room and find that Bowser is nowhere to be found and that a baby looking like Peach is sitting on the floor, bawling. Mario, Yoshi, and Toad turn around only to see Bowser and the Mr. I.


Ludwig throws the chemical onto the Wicked Bros. and Kat & Ana, reducing all of them to infants. He picks them up and puts them inside a large ship he has hidden in a hallway, then hops in the driver's seat.

"Good, my next stop is a certain pirate..."


Bowser aims the Mr. I at Mario and Co.

"Say cheese!" Bowser says with much humor in his voice.

"Drat-a! He a finally got us!" Mario says, irritated.

"Ya got that right! Yeah baby!"

The Mr. I turns to Bowser for a second. "That was a really lame pun. Say it again and you're next."

"You got it."

The Mr. I turns back to the three and shoots a beam at all three.


The yellow Toad walks into the castle, carrying Baby Toadette. "Anyone here? Hello!"


Just as the Mr. I shoots his beam a passing by Popple sees the show from a window.

"Woah! That's a great item worth stealing, see!" he says to his new "rookie".

Bowser looks at the babies in front of him.

"Now to finish the job!" he says happily.

He raises his foot about to squash the babies, while Popple and his new rookie sneak up from behind. The Mr. I hears their breathing and spins around, baby-fying Popple and his new rookies, Booster and a Chomp Bro. Bowser, hearing the sound made, stops and turns around and sees the three. He grabs them and roars, throwing them out of the window and into the distance.


Ludwig stands on the deck of the S.S. Teacup, having just turned Syrup into a baby. He picks her up and puts her onto his ship. Just after he gets on himself, Popple, Booster, and Chomp Bro fall and land a few feet away from the ship, out of his sight.


Bowser turns to the Mr. I and says, "Okay, no sense in killing them. After all, they won't survive long alone anyway. Now let's go get that cook and those friends of Mario's."

The two turn and leave, along with all of the soldiers and Kammy. Soon afterward, both the yellow Toad (with Toadette) and Luigi reach the room, where they see babies Peach, Mario, Yoshi, and Toad, who are all crying, sitting on the floor. They see the babies and gasp.

"Are-a those," Luigi begins, "Mario, Yoshi, Toad, and the princess?!"

"I think so," the Toad replies. "But if they are then that means that this must be Toadette!"

"I-a think you're right-a."



"Houston, we have a problem," says an astronaut a few seconds after hearing the scream.


Ludwig arrives in Sub-con. There, he goes into Wart's castle and comes back a few minutes later with baby-fied versions of Mouser, Triclyde, Fry Guy, Clawgrip, and Birdo. He also baby-fied his uncle Wart, but he decided to just leave him in Sub-on for his two cousins to deal with.

"Okay, I'm done with that plan. Now to go home and get you all hid somewhere so that no one can find out.

Ludwig walks into the helicopter he built for his plan and flies away to Bowser's home. He looks at the magnificent bird's-eye view as the babies keep crying and whining. Ludwig can't concentrate on flying with them screaming like, well, babies. He gets out of the pilot's seat and yells, "WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" This makes the babies cry even more. Ludwig is so confused.

How do take care of a baby? thinks Ludwig, Think. Think. Who knows about childcare and will keep his or her mouth shut on my plan?

Ludwig suddenly sparks up an idea. Just then, the copter starts to lose control and Ludwig suddenly realizes he wasn't piloting it! He grabs hold of the controls and pulled back into the air.

"Whew," sighed Ludwig. "Now to go home."

Ludwig finds a spot to land that is near home. He lands right on it and carries the babies on the carrier.

"Ha," says Ludwig. "The copter worked like a charm. And they say I can't build any..."

The copter suddenly combustes, leaving ash on the dark ground. Ludwig ignores it and hopes that everyone else will too. He walks right into the castle.


Meanwhile, Luigi and the yellow-spotted Toad are in a fix. They, too, do not know how to take care of a child. They are all still crying and they can't figure out why.

Luigi tries giving them bottles, giving them toys, and making ridiculous faces, but nothing works.

"Uh, Luigi," says the yellow-spotted Toad, "what if they need to be... changed?"

"Survey says, dirty diapers!"

Luigi looka down at every one of their diapers and says, "Ding! We have a match! Four points!"

"Make that five. Toadette needs to be changed, too. What are we going to do?"

"Not we, you. You'll have to take care of them while I find a way to reverse the process."

"What? Wait! Can't we talk about..."

It is too late, Luigi already ran out the door. The yellow-spotted Toad looks around, totally confused.

"I'm going in." The yellow-spotted Toad puts a clothespin on his non-existent nose and walks towards the toddlers.


"All right, now then, I'll just get these babies put in that sound-proof dungeon I built for no real reason and that I didn't figure I'd ever have a use for and then I'll have to go find that person. But I'll need to make sure that they don't make too much noise..."

Ludwig pulls out a small ball which he throws into the air. He shields his eyes quickly as the ball begins to flash, causing all of the babies to fall asleep. He uncovers his eyes after a few seconds, then takes them inside.


Luigi walks through Toad Town, seeing that Bowser had gone a bit crazy with the Mr. I around town, blasting almost everyone. He decides to check inside some houses. In most he finds adults, but in Tayce T's he sees a baby girl crawling on the counter toward the oven. He grabs her and sets her on the ground.

"Okay, so much for free healing things and stuff... Jeez, Bowser had a pretty good plan this time."

Just then, the door opens and he sees a large crowd of people holding babies, including Frankly, Goombario's family, Beldam, a random Koopa from Koopa Village (along with, in addition to a Koopa baby, a Bob-omb one), Poddley, Koopie Koo, and other relatives and friends of Mario's numerous partners. Noticeably missing are baby versions of Flurrie, Ms. Mowz, and Gonzalez Jr.

Beldam speaks up. "We've been looking for you! Now then, hurry up and fix this mess! I can't stand Vivian anyway, but it is even worse whenever she's puking on me and wearin' diapers!"

"Yeah!" the crowd yells.

"Perhaps we haven't given Bowser enough credit in the past..."


Ludwig gets the babies into the soundproof dungeon and quickly shuts the door, then leaves the room, but not before locking the door.


Bowser sits in his throne room, looking thoughtful.

"I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like there's someone I didn't get..."


Meanwhile, in another part of the kingdom, Baby Popple is angry and wants revenge. "Wistem up, you Wookies!" Baby Popple shouts. "We got to get bwack at that Pwan Wecker!"

His two Rookies just look more confused and stupid than ever.


Luigi, as well as all of the adults and babies from before, are sitting in an inn. Most of the babies are crying, but Goombella and Goombario aren't. They are instead talking to each other but none of the adults can understand them.

"Why do you think we can still think like ourselves but the others can't?" asks Goombella.

"Maybe," replies the male Goomba, "it's because we're smarter than most, so we were able to resist it a bit. We should find some way to let them know that, though."


Meanwhile, Syrup, Waluigi, and Wario have just managed to climb onto each other's shoulders and open the door. As they begin to crawl out of the room, they are found by Roy. He grabs them and tosses them back into the room, then laughs.

"Heh heh. I think I'm gonna have me some fun with Ludwig."


While Goombella and Goombario are trying to figure out how to let the others know that their minds haven't changed, Luigi is trying to figure out how to get the babies back to normal. "Hmm... If that Mr. I can change people to babies, maybe it could change them back!" Luigi says.

"Maybe you're right," says Frankly, "but we need to find the Mr. I..."

"I don't think that will be a problem. Find Bowser, and we find the Mr. I,"  says Luigi.


Roy sneaks into Ludwig's room and goes to his computer, the only electrical appliance that hasn't exploded, because Ludwig bought it before he started inventing stuff. Roy types a message on Ludwig's computer. It reads: "Dear Ludwig, I know about the babies. And if you don't want me to blab to King Dad, you must give in to my demands! Love (not), Roy"

Roy then keeps the message on screen so it will be the first thing Ludwig sees. Then, with an evil laugh, he sneaks out of the room.


"Okay, I have an idea," says Goombella to Goombario. "Try to steal a pen from one of them or something, and I'll get some paper. Then we can try writing something to them."

Goombario says, "Why don't YOU go get the pen?"

"Does it really matter?" Goombella asks. Goombario proceeds to try to take a pen from Luigi's overall pocket.


Ludwig walks into his room and reads the message. "We'll just see about that," he says with a grin on his face.

A few minutes later, Ludwig walks through the hallway very quietly with a bottle of the substance in hand, heading for Roy's room. As soon as he reaches the door, he kicks it open and thrusts the liquid out of the bottle all over the room. He then notices that Roy not only wasn't hit, but isn't there. He turns around and sees, of course, his younger brother Roy.

"You gonna try that again?"

"I would, but I'm out. All right, what do you want me to do?"

"Gimme all the money you have on you," Roy commands. Ludwig reaches out and opens his hand, revealing 3 coins. "That's all you got?" Roy questions.

"Don't you remember? King Dad grounded me last week and took all my coins," Ludwig replied.

"Oh, yeah," Roy says. "All right, now turn the babies back to normal."

"I would, but then that would not only ruin my plan, but it would also wreck your blackmail on me by destroying all the evidence and making you look like you're the one who snuck and watched him because, with all I know, I could easily act as though I have no idea about it."

"ARGH! Logic hurts! But you're right, so we won't be doing that. Instead, I'll make you suffer not only by doing stuff for me but also by still taking care of them! Haha!"

“This is so dumb...”

"What did you say?"

"Uh, is your brain still numb?"

"Huh? Must be another logic thing... Now take care of these babies while I go do my daily exercises."

Roy leaves the room and Ludwig with a plethera of toddlers.


Goombario gets close to the pen, but just as he's about to grab it, somebody picks him up from behind and sets him on the floor.

"The little brat was close to fallin' off the table!" says Beldam after doing so. Goombella and Goombario, not sure of what else to do now, both begin crying.

"Oh no! Please don't do that!" Beldam cries, but it is too late.


"Oh my! I’ve got to silence them, I’ve got to silence them.... Eureka! I've got it!" she says in desperation. Beldam then tries to sing, but it was bound to fail. "LA LA DO DOO DUM!" shouts Beldam, attempting to sing.

As soon as Beldam begins singing, the other babies begin crying and all of the adults in the room cover their ears, screaming for her to stop themselves. A few seconds later, the adults begin crying too.

"Oh, shut up! ALL OF YOU!" shrieks Luigi. He hurls the nearest available object- his pen- at Beldam. It bounces off her and conveniently lands on the table.

Everybody cheers. Beldam starts screaming much more loudly than usual because of the pen.


Ludwig sits in the sound-proof dungeon, watching the babies play and do whatever else that babies do.

"I hate this!" he yells suddenly. "The payoff's great, but I don't think that it's worth it! Oh well, I'll probably get used to it after a while..."

Ana then starts teething on Ludwig's tail.

"Then again..." Ludwig says.


"Oh great," the yellow-capped Toad comments upon inspecting the crib that Toadette is supposed to be in. "NOW where did she wander off to?"

Outside, baby Toadette is just crawling around by the main entrance, when something shiny catches her eye. She waddles towards it, but the object looks like it is moving away. Toadette continues to follow the shiny object around, when suddenly...

"Got ya!" Popple yells as he jumped from above with a sack in his hand. He quickly stuffs Toadette into the sack, which happens to have air holes.

"Boss," Booster comments, "why do we need this Toad?"

"I'll tell ya later," Popple replied as they headed in the direction of Toad Town.


Meanwhile, Bowser is sitting on his throne, looking at the alphabetical list of people he turned into a baby.

"Lessee... Lakilester, Mario... Nope, I don't see anyone not on here. Must be my imagination."

"Lord Bowser," Kammy comments as King Bowser reads his list aloud, "I think you missed somebody."

"GAH!" Bowser yelled out in shock. "Of course! Why wasn't it obvious? There's supposed to be a name in between Lakilester and Mario!"

"Does this mean what I think it means, Lord Bowser?" Kamek asks as he enters the room.

"You bet it does!" Bowser replies. "Get all the troops together! We're going after... MALLOW!"

And so, Bowser and his army leave the castle and head towards Nimbus Land.


Meanwhile, Luigi is preparing to leave for Bowser's Keep the next day. Goombella still has the pen, keeping it inside of her hat, and is looking for a piece of paper. But, just then, Popple slams the door open and walks into the room! His two rookies, Chomp Bro. and Booster, follow.

"Now what was the reason I came here again?!" Popple askes himself as a crowd starts to form around them.

"Ah great, even more of them," remarks the bartender inside the inn. "Well, somebody go ahead and find a room for these three babies as well, I guess."

Popple immediately runs over to the bartender and shakes him violently. "Who ya callin' a baby, ya wuss?!" Popple yells.

"He meant that you look like a child," Goombella explains in her baby-talk voice.

"Ah, shut ya trap!" Popple replies.

"Is it just me," Goombario asks in his baby-talk voice, "or can he understand us?"


Meanwhile, far above the location of everyone else...

"Goo ga!" comes the voice of the baby-fied prince of Nimbus Land.

"Well, that's all of Mario's friends! Now what?" Bowser asks.

"How about we laugh fiendishly?" Kamek suggests.

"Good idea! MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Bowser laughs. Kammy sighs and shakes her head, figuring that Bowser's apparently slipped into being senile a few years early.


Meanwhile, in another part of the castle, Roy sits at a computer, typing stuff he plans to have Ludwig do. Someone comes up behind him.

"Hello Roy, what are you in the middle of doing, typing, working on, etc?"

"Just blackmailin' Ludwig, Blabbermouth. Wanna help?"

"Nah, I can't. Gotta go write a speech, monologue, you know."

Morton leaves the room, and Roy continues.


Ludwig stands in the dungeon looking around, too stressed out to notice that Syrup, Waluigi, and Wario are again attempting their escape. He suddenly feels something tugging on his tail. He turns to see Kat, who looks like she's about to cry. He smells something funny.

He picks her up, then checks her diaper before realizing something.

"I don't know how to change a diaper!"


Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...

"Pull my finger," Smithy says to Yaridovich.

"You're kidding, right?"


At that same time, in a place that actually matters...

"WHERE ON PLIT IS TOADETTE?!" The yellow-capped Toad then turns to find that Mario is hanging from the curtains, Peach and Toad are fighting, and Yoshi is eating a blanket.

"Ugh!" the Toad sighs. He breaks up Toad and Peach's fight by separating the two, then he performs CPR on the choking Baby Yoshi and he spits out the blanket. It takes a while, but Toad even manages to get Mario off, although he rips the curtains at a weird angle. Then the babies start crying again.


Ludwig, meanwhile, is busy standing at a table with a clean diaper in his hands, sweating up a bullet. Kat lies on the table, waiting to be changed. Ludwig stands, confused.

How am I supposed to open it?


At that exact same time, Toadette manages to wriggle out of her sack. Unnoticed by anyone, she heads outside. She looks up and manages to spot Bowser's doomship heading back from the mission in Nimbus Land. Curious, Toadette follows the ship from below.


And, back with the yellow-capped Toad we'll call Yellow T. from now on, all of the babies start to cry. Upon closer inspection, they all have dirty diapers. Yellow T. quickly runs to the nearest Save Block.

"This may take a couple of tries before I get it right," Yellow T. mutters as he activates it.


Back with Ludwig again, he just can't understand how to change the diaper. Using a special satellite system, though, he manages to discover the location of the only character on Plit who can help. Quickly, he sends a message to the Goomba Force, the only ones Bowser didn't take with him.

"We've got an urgent message from Lord Ludwig," King Goomba tells the lower-ranking Goombas. "Kidnap Yellow T. at all costs!"


Goombella, meanwhile, is still looking for paper, but isn't having much luck.


But in a secluded area of Poshley Heights...

"Crump!" Grodus's head booms. "Come here now!"

"What is it, Sir Grodus?" Lord Crump asks as he approaches his boss.

"Remember when we decided to turn good? Forget all that!" Grodus replies. "It has come to my attention that at this point in time, we can not only gather the Crystal Stars again, but we can also collect the 150 Power Stars, the seven Star Spirits, the seven pieces of Star Road, AND the Eight Rods of Nib!"

"What's a Nib?" Lord Crump wonders.

"Forget that!" Grodus yells back. "Just collect them all, and then we will be the most powerful force in the galaxy!"

"How do you know that this is the right time?" Crump ponders.

As a response, Grodus pulls out a pocket calculator.

"What's with the calculator?" Crump asks.

"This," Grodus answered, "is what is left of TEC-XX after Bowser got to him. According to my sources, he has baby-fied every character that has ever helped Mario in his entire life. That means there's nobody to stop us!"

"As you command, Sir Grodus," Crump says as he heads to the door.


Bowser, meanwhile, is sitting on his throne, again feeling as though he forgot someone.

"Hmm... I got Toadstool, Mario, that stupid dino, the Mushroom guy and girl, the computer, all those partners of that pesky plumber's except the Yoshi 'cause it would defeat the point and that wind thingy, Mallow, that cook lady... Hmm... Who could I be forgetting this time?"

"Maybe it's Lu-"

"I got it! It must be Donkey Kong! He could surely stop me with the help of his clan!"

Kammy slaps her head and thinks, Yeah, he's senile all right.

"Yep, definitely DK. I'll just send the Goomba Force after him," Bowser continues. "Hey, does anybody know where they even are?

Read on!

Credit goes to Martin, Antwan, Croshi, Noxious Koopa, Dylan, Phil the Koopa, Kevin Koopa, Sparky, Ice Toad, Sparky, corbin the crazy yoshi, MetalYoshi, and Waluigi's Twin for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.

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