INT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - THRONE ROOM - DAY
Smithy Jr. sits on the throne. The room is completely
wrecked. Mario, Peach, Toad, and Bowser are all in front
of him in chains.
SMITHY JR.
Ha! With Luigi and the Koopalings
captured in my dungeon, and you
guys captured here, no one can stop
me from ruling this world!
PEACH
You'll never get away with this!
SMITHY JR.
Oh, yes I will.
MARIO
Well, at least he didn't use that
overused "Ah, but I already have"
line.
SMITHY JR.
Well, I can't take the risk of you
guys foiling my plans. So, I'm
going to make sure to kill you off
tomorrow to ensure you won't be a
threat.
BOWSER
Wouldn't it make more sense to kill
us earlier? I mean, it seems that
whenever the villain puts off an
execution, the good guys are
rescued in the meantime.
SMITHY JR.
Who would rescue you?
BOWSER
Good point.
SMITHY JR.
But you're probably right. It's
better to play it safe and kill you
sooner.
MARIO
Bowser?
BOWSER
Yes, Mario?
MARIO
You're an idiot.
BOWSER
I could have told you that.
SMITHY JR.
Then your execution shall take
place... immediately! SEND THEM TO
THE GUILLOTINES!
BOWSER
Why don't you just kill us right
now, right here?
TOAD
And isn't the guillotine a bit
violent?
SMITHY JR.
It's more fun to do it publicly,
and I can get guillotines for a
really big discount. I'd be silly
to not buy them at the prices I can
get. So I figure, why buy them if I
won't use them?
(claps hands)
GUARDS! TAKE THEM TO THE
GUILLOTINES AND EXECUTIVE THEM!
Some Goombas, Koopas, and Mushroomers come in and drag
Bowser, Mario, Peach, and Toad out.
EXT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - COURTYARD - DAY
In an open area inside the castle, a guillotine is set
up. Various minions of Smithy Jr. are there. Mario,
Peach, Toad, and Bowser are all chained.
MARIO
I always thought I'd die, I don't
know, fighting some evil bad guy or
something. A guillotine? It just
seems... crude.
TOAD
Well, I'd prefer not to die at all!
MARIO
Yeah, but if I'm going to die, I at
least want to go out with glory,
preferably taking down some really
strong enemy in the process. Not
just being killed off like this.
A Goomba goes up to the four.
GOOMBA
Uh, we kinda forgot how to work a
guillotine. We were hoping that you
guys would be willing to tell us.
BOWSER
Oh, it's simple. You just-
MARIO
-take it apart! That's the first
step!
GOOMBA
Ooh, good idea!
(to other minions)
Hey! Guys! We have to take the
guillotine apart before we can use
it!
TOAD
Yeah! And then
you... um... completely destroy the
sharp blade part of it. A
guillotine will never work with it.
GOOMBA
Wow! You guys are really smart!
TOAD
We try.
The Goomba leaves and starts helping the others
disassemble the guillotine.
MARIO
Wow. Everyone is acting really
stupid.
BOWSER
I know. Everyone knows that a
guillotine requires a remote
control to work.
TOAD
Bowser?
BOWSER
Yes?
TOAD
Shut up.
BOWSER
I refuse to shut up! I hate
shutting up!
(pause)
No, wait. I love to shut up! I'm
shutting up right now!
Bowser hangs his mouth open, then pushes his lower jaw
upward, closing his mouth. He tries to say something,
but it's muffled because his mouth is closed.
MARIO
I suppose that is one way of
shutting up.
EXT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - DAY
Luigi and the Koopalings go up to the entrance. There
are many guards.
GOOMBA GUARD
Halt! Who goes there?
LUIGI
Um... uh...
(waves hand)
You don't need to see our
identification.
GOOMBA GUARD
(as if in a trance)
I don't need to see your
identification.
LUIGI
(waves hand)
You'll let us through.
GOOMBA GUARD
(as if in a trance)
I'll let you through. Okay, let
them through!
The guards let Luigi and the Koopalings enter.
EXT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - COURTYARD - DAY
The guillotine has been completely disassembled. The
sharp part of it has been removed also.
GOOMBA
Okay, so what now? We need to get
the execution underway. We've taken
the guillotine apart and gotten rid
of the sharp part of it. What's the
next step in executing someone with
a guillotine?
MARIO
You let us go.
GOOMBA
Really? That's what you do?
MARIO
Yes.
GOOMBA
Wow! You're smart! Hey, guys! Come
here and get these guys out of the
chains!
Some Sledge Brothers come over and break Mario, Toad,
Peach, and Bowser out of their chains.
BOWSER
Just for the record, I could have
broken out of those chains myself
at any time.
MARIO
Then why didn't you?!
BOWSER
Uh... I don't know.
PEACH
Bowser, you're acting dumber than
usual.
TOAD
I bet he's affected by whatever
made everyone else so stupid.
MARIO
Whatever! Let's get out of here
before Smithy Jr. shows up!
The four run out.
INT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - CORRIDOR - DAY
Mario, Bowser, Toad, and Peach are running down the
corridor in one direction. Luigi and the Koopalings are
running down it in the opposite direction. The two
groups collide and fall down.
LUIGI
Mario!
MARIO
Luigi!
BOWSER
Whoever you seven are!
LUDWIG
Um, we're your kids?
BOWSER
I have kids?
WENDY
Of course you do! What's with you?
MARIO
I don't know. He's just acting
really stupid. I mean, usually he
lacks a little common sense, but
this is just amazingly stupid.
IGGY
Huh? I thought only generic
characters were affected.
MARIO
Affected by what?
LUIGI
Long story. I'll fill you in when
we get out of here.
They all dash out in the direction that Mario's group
Was originally running.
INT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - COURTYARD - DAY
Smithy Jr. comes into the courtyard and sees the
Guillotine has been disassembled.
SMITHY JR.
What happened?!
GOOMBA
Why, we executed them, sir! We
destroyed the guillotine and let
them go!
SMITHY JR.
And that is executing them HOW?!
GOOMBA
Huh. When you put it that way, it
does sound like we did something
really stupid.
SMITHY JR.
Argh! I shouldn't have fired all of
my original henchmen, who wouldn't
be made stupid by this formula!
GOOMBA
Huh?
SMITHY JR.
You know... Yaridovich, Mack,
Bowyer... those guys. THEY'RE not
generic characters. But they wanted
more pay than I wanted to give
them, so I fired them all. Darn it!
THEY wouldn't be affected by this.
I can't believe I actually made a
mistake.
GOOMBA
This is all beyond my limited
understanding. Can I go do
something else?
SMITHY JR.
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
The Goomba leaves.
SMITHY JR.
I've got to contact the front
guards and tell them not to let
those guys through! And get all the
other minions there to make sure
those guys don't overpower the
guards!
EXT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - DAY
Mario and the others try to leave the palace, but are
stopped by a great number of guards.
MARIO
Uh oh.
GUARD
You're not following us this time,
Luigi!
MARIO
I'm Mario. And don't you mean
"you're not FOOLING us this time"?
GUARD
Oh, right. Well, you're still not
fooling us! We're going to capture
you guys and not let you through!
PEACH
Not even if we say "please"?
GUARD
No! What do you think we are,
stupid?
WENDY
Yes.
GUARD
Well, we're stupid, but we also can
follow orders. So you're not
getting through. Not even you guys
can beat all of us.
MARIO
Only one thing to do...
TOAD
What?
MARIO
We have some people distract them
while the others get away.
LUIGI
Okay! Who can be cut out of the
story without losing much?
MARIO
Got it! Morton, Lemmy, and Wendy,
you guys all distract them while
the rest of us escape.
WENDY
Hey! No fair! Why is it only us
Koopalings who have to do that?
MARIO
Okay, Toad and Peach also! Now,
here's the plan. You guys try to
run past them and distract them.
Then we'll get past them, and when
they run after us, you guys can get
away.
LEMMY
What are we supposed to do after
that?
MARIO
Our two groups will meet up, okay?
GUARD
Uh, we're standing right here. We
can hear everything you're saying.
MARIO
I know. Okay, go!
Toad, Morton, Lemmy, Peach, and Wendy all try to rush
out, but the guards grab them. However, they manage to
break free of the guards, so more guards have to grab
them. In the meantime, the everyone else is able to get
past the few guards that aren't attacking Toad's group.
GUARD
Hey! They're getting away! Get
them!
The guards try to chase down Mario's group, but this
Allows the other group to dash off in another direction
and escape.
INT. FORTRESS - DUNGEON - DAY
Lord Seth enters the dungeon and looks around.
LORD SETH
Hello? Lemmy? Are you here?
(pause)
Darn it! I bet he left!
GOOMBA
Uh...hello?
Lord Seth looks in one of the cells. The Goomba he put
there previously is still there, wearing the bad Luigi
disguise.
GOOMBA
You think you could let me out?
LORD SETH
And why should I do that, Luigi?
GOOMBA
I'm not Luigi!
LORD SETH
Wrong answer! The REAL Luigi
would've told me I should let him
out as it is the right thing to do.
GOOMBA
I just told you I wasn't Luigi.
LORD SETH
Exactly!
Lord Seth leaves.
GOOMBA
Okay. He's officially insane.
Lord Seth walks back in.
LORD SETH
Four out of five doctors agree with
you!
GOOMBA
What about the fifth?
LORD SETH
Oh, that's Dr. Physics.
Lord Seth leaves.
GOOMBA
Is that some kind of in-joke that
I'm supposed to get? Because if so,
I'm not getting it.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Mario, Luigi, Ludwig, Roy, Iggy, and Larry are all
running through the woods, then stop.
MARIO
Okay, I think we lost them.
LUDWIG
Then let's get some water and
analyze it so I can concoct an
antidote.
Some running is heard.
LUIGI
Uh oh! I hope it isn't those guards
again!
Lord Seth runs up to the group.
LORD SETH
Oh, come on. Lemmy isn't with you
either?!
IGGY
Um, no.
LORD SETH
Argh!
Lord Seth runs off.
LUDWIG
Wait! Come back!
Lord Seth comes back.
LORD SETH
Yes?
LUDWIG
Do you happen to know of a
laboratory we could use? I can't
use mine to analyze the water
because it was destroyed.
LORD SETH
Hey, don't ask me. I'm just here as
a silly running gag. LEMMY! I WILL
FIND YOU!
Lord Seth runs off.
IGGY
Okay. Who do we know who has a
laboratory?
MARIO
I'm sure we must have run into
SOMEONE who had a laboratory during
one of our adventures...
LUIGI
Weren't there some in Woohoo
Hooniversity?
MARIO
We don't have time to go all the
way to the Beanbean Kingdom. If we
don't get the antidote into the
water supply in time, we'll be too
late!
LUIGI
Well, in case whatever plan we come
up with fails, we should at least
try that as a back-up.
Lemmy's group arrives.
LEMMY
We're here.
LUIGI
Hey, that gives me an idea! You
guys go over to the Beanbean
Kingdom and see if the guys at
Woohoo Hooniversity can find an
antidote. We probably don't have
enough time for that, but it's
worth a shot. You have a sample of
the water, right?
TOAD
We can get some from a stream or
river we pass.
MARIO
Okay, then! You guys go over there
while we try to find a lab nearby!
Lemmy's group leaves.
IGGY
We still have no idea as to where
we can get a laboratory to use!
ROY
Oh! I know! That Dr. Physics guy
had a lab somewhere!
MARIO
Isn't that Ludwig's lab?
LUDWIG
Huh? No, Dr. Physics and I are
different people. But he lets me
use parts of his lab sometimes. I'm
sure he wouldn't object to us using
it in order to stop Smithy Jr.
ROY
(whispering to Mario)
He's been having an identity
crisis.
LUDWIG
Huh? What was that? My hearing
still isn't that great, even after
that incident with... uh... it was
with that giant pipe organ, right?
ROY
Never mind what I said! Do you know
where the laboratory is?
LUDWIG
Uh... no.
Ludwig runs off, then comes back wearing a doctor's
outfit.
LUDWIG
Hi, everyone! I'm Dr. Physics! I
bet you want to know where my
laboratory is, right?
LUIGI
You're Ludwig, not Dr. Physics!
LUDWIG
Don't be silly. I'm not Ludwig. I'm
Dr. Physics.
LUIGI
Ludwig, stop with this Dr. Physics
nonsense! It's really annoying!
LUDWIG
How many times must I tell you? I'm
Dr. Physics, not Ludwig!
IGGY
Trust me. It's best to play along.
LUDWIG
And now, to take you to my
laboratory!
Ludwig walks a few steps, then grabs two trees at once.
He pushes them both in opposite directions, and suddenly
a small hole in the ground appears.
LUDWIG
Okay! Let's climb down!
They all climb down the hole.
INT. LABORATORY - DAY
They all enter a laboratory. It looks very high-tech.
MARIO
This looks like it'll work.
LUDWIG
Unfortunately, I don't know much
about chemistry. Just physics.
Hence my name. I'll go get Ludwig.
He knows more about chemistry.
Ludwig climbs back up the ladder. He then climbs down,
no longer wearing the doctor's outfit.
LUDWIG
Okay everyone, I'm here! Let's find
that antidote!
Ludwig takes a beaker of water and examines it under a
microscope.
LUDWIG
Interesting... interesting.
LARRY
What's so interesting?
LUDWIG
Nothing. I just like to say the
word "interesting" several times
when I'm looking through a
microscope. Like this.
Interesting... interesting.
ROY
Just find the stupid cure so we can
defeat the stupid Smithy Jr!
LUDWIG
You can't rush genius. Be quiet and
let me work.
LARRY
Well, what do you want us to do in
the meantime?
LUDWIG
Just stay out of my way! Oh, and I
need to get some of Bowser's blood.
BOWSER
Oh no you don't. You're not going
to turn me into a vampire!
LUDWIG
Well, he's been affected by the
water for some reason... though I'm
not quite sure why, as he's not a
generic character. ANYWAY, if I can
see how it's affecting him, it
would be easier to make the
antidote.
BOWSER
No! No! You're not drawing blood
from me! I'm afraid of needles!
LUDWIG
I could make a cut on your hand and
collect the blood in a cup or
bucket, if you'd prefer.
BOWSER
Woohoo! Let's do that!
LUDWIG
No, we're sticking with the drawing
of blood with a needle.
BOWSER
Aw... I like buckets of blood.
INT. MUSHROOM KINGDOM PALACE - THRONE ROOM - DAY
Smithy Jr. still sits on the throne.
SMITHY JR.
Darn it! ALL of them escaped! But I
suppose it doesn't matter. A mere
sixty hours until the situation
becomes irreversible!
Smithy Jr. laughs evilly.
SMITHY JR.
Of course, since anything they
could do to break the "spell" would
require forty-eight hours, they've
only got twelve left! But best not
to take chances. Better send some
guards out to find them... no,
they're incompetent. I'LL go find
them.
Smithy Jr. leaves.
INT. LABORATORY - DAY
In what is clearly later, Ludwig holds up a beaker of a
fluid.
LUDWIG
Finally! I think I've got it! And
you guys had BETTER appreciate how
hard I worked on this!
BOWSER
I still have a boo-boo from when
you took my blood. It hurts! I
don't appreciate that! I don't like
boo-boos! Especially boo-boos that
hurt!
MARIO
Oh, stop being such a baby.
LARRY
Now the question is, can we mass
produce this antidote?
LUDWIG
Sure! Just give me thirteen hours!
LUIGI
We don't have thirteen hours. We
have six!
LUDWIG
Well, there's only one person who
can get this done quickly enough...
LARRY
(rolls eyes)
Right. Dr. Physics.
LUDWIG
Absolutely! I'll go get him!
Ludwig climbs back up to the surface, then comes down
wearing the doctor's outfit.
LUDWIG
Okay! Dr. Physics is ready to do
this! And he's also ready to stop
referring to himself in the third
person, too!
Ludwig goes up to what looks like a vending machine. He
presses a button and a mountain of soda cans roll out.
LUDWIG
These contain the antidote. Okay,
my job is done!
MARIO
All you had to do was press a
button? Why couldn't you do that as
Ludwig?
LUDWIG
I'm not Ludwig! I'm Dr. Physics!
MARIO
Okay, why couldn't LUDWIG do that?
LUDWIG
Well, this is my lab. So some of
the buttons only accept the
thumbprint of me. Since I'm Dr.
Physics, and Ludwig isn't me, we
have different thumbprints. So
Ludwig couldn't activate that
machine because his thumbprint is
different than mine. Okay, I'd
better go get Ludwig.
Ludwig again climbs up to the surface, then comes back
down not wearing the doctor's outfit.
LUDWIG
Okay! Let's grab these and pour
them into as many streams as
possible! Hurry! We've only got
five hours!
LUIGI
Okay! Larry, you go to-
LARRY
Hang on a minute! You're the one
who's been calling the shots all
day! Let me!
LUDWIG
Hang on a minute. I'm the oldest,
so I should decide these things.
ROY
But I'm the strongest!
LARRY
I'm the most sneaky, AND I've been
the most influential in this
adventure!
The three start fighting.
BOWSER
Uh, maybe it's just the idiocy in
me speaking, but I think I have an
idea. Why don't we all get as many
of those as we can carry and decide
ourselves where to put them?
The three stop fighting.
LUDWIG
That was actually intelligent.
ROY
Could someone at least tell me why
Bowser was affected by the water?
He's not generic.
LUDWIG
Oh, I did figure that out. And
although we're supposed to be in a
hurry and not have time for this, I
suppose I have enough time to
explain it. See, Bowser has been
drinking a great deal of coffee
lately.
BOWSER
Coffee is nice. I like coffee. I
sometimes even accidentally say
coffee when I should be saying
something else. I coffee I'm coffee
a coffee addict!
LUDWIG
Um... yeah. Anyway, this water
somehow interacted with all the
coffee in him so that it DID affect
him.
LUIGI
But he doesn't seem to be under
Smithy Jr's hypnosis. He's just
acting like an idiot.
LUDWIG
Well, only that part affected him.
I could explain it, but it would
require a great deal of complicated
science stuff that no one but
someone who graduated from a
prestigious college would
understand.
MARIO
You didn't graduate from a
prestigious college.
LUDWIG
I never said I understood it
myself! It's-
ROY
(rolls eyes)
Dr. Physics?
LUDWIG
How did you know?
ROY
I thought you said "Dr. Physics"
wasn't good at chemistry. How would
he know this stuff if you're better
at it than him?
LUDWIG
Explaining that would require even
more complicated science terms. The
bottom line is that Bowser's recent
coffee obsession has caused him to
succumb to the part of the mixture
that makes people act really
stupid.
BOWSER
I coffee the coffee here coffee
that coffee too coffee coffee
coffee bad coffee someone coffee a
coffee control coffee in coffee
water coffee drink.
MARIO
Stop saying coffee every other
word!
BOWSER
Sorry. What I was saying was, I
think the moral here is that
drinking too much coffee is bad if
someone puts a mind control thingy
in the water you drink.
LARRY
Good enough for me! Now let's go!
LUIGI
Um... I just realized something.
MARIO
What?
LUIGI
We can't climb out of here if we're
holding all of those!
LUDWIG
Oh, don't worry. There's actually
an elevator in here.
ROY
Then why weren't you using it
before?
LUDWIG
It only goes up, unfortunately. It
can't take you down.
IGGY
Then how does the elevator car get
back down so you can take it up?
LUDWIG
It doesn't. You have to destroy it
and then make a new one down here.
I know this because Dr. Physics
told me. Okay, let's go! Grab the
stuff and go!
Ludwig presses a button and an elevator door opens.
LUDWIG
Good thing it doesn't require Dr.
Physic's thumbprint to active the
elevator.
Everyone grabs as many of the cans as they can carry and
enter the elevator. The elevator door closes.
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