ARG! KOOPA PIRATES! 2: The Cloned Captain

By Axemblue4

Chapter 4: Yoshi Sailor Revisited

Mario and Luigi were falling through the air, the airship they had bought having fallen apart.. They were separated from the rest of those nobodies who we will PROBABLY never see again.

Luigi: One good thing came from the last chapter... no boss!

Mario: Oh no, the tradition was broken! Well, we'll pretend. So the Hammer Brother that sold it to us...

Luigi rolled his eyes as Mario started a story, all readers may want to skip the boring fight story that never really happened.

Mario (narrating): He made us fight him and his pals. So he said "Defeat all four of us for the boat!" So the battle started! First, they paralyzed the others with hammers, then we dodged. I jumped on one Hammer Brother, constantly stomping his head. "Ow!" he shouted!

Luigi (barely listening): Then er... I smacked you and you chased me.

Mario (narrating): Hey, I'm telling this! Actually, that's neat. So you smacked me and I chased you. I ran into another Hammer Brother, who was about to throw a hammer, and the hammer hit one of the other hammer brothers and that one went unconscious. One down, three to go! So then we shook hands.

Luigi (barely listening): I used a glove.

Mario: We always wear gloves!

Luigi: Er... I wore another one on it.

Mario: Okay... Then the Hammer Brothers started throwing hammers at us. I pushed you into one of them, which didn't do much. So I jumped on his head, soon he went unconscious, because this was the same one I'd been jumping on to begin with. Two down, two to go! So the remaining two said, "Now we will do Brothers Attacks!" One jumped on the other, knocking him out, and he said, "Oops." Three down, one to go! And then the last one chickened out and ran, but he fell off the bridge outside and we won! And that's about it.

Luigi: I'm very bored now. And it's funny when you realize that didn't really happen.

Mario: Yeah! Hey- I wonder when we're landing...


They landed on someone's boat.

Yoshiblue4: Darn, what are you doing here?

Mario: Are you a clone?

Yoshiblue4: No.

Mario: Okay. Why does the author keep appearing in his stories?

Yoshiblue4: I am not the author, I am just a blue Yoshi and since my real name is hard to pronounce, I ripped off the author's name.

Luigi: You're not good at doing a pirate accent.

Yoshiblue4: Er...

Mario: So, what's up with the clones?

Yoshiblue4: I used a clone factory to clone me. There's hundreds of me now, and hundreds more on the way.

Mario: Cool...

Goomba Pirate: Something over the intercom!

Someone's Voice (coming from the intercom): The cloning facility has broken down! We now must evacuate before it explodes.

Yoshiblue4: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario: This is a pirate story! What idiot had the idea to have all the technology in this story?

Luigi: That would be the author...

Mario: Oh. So, who cares? He's an idiot.

Yoshiblue4: It's a little strange that you happened to land back on my ship. I'm guessing you're going to take the money and your ship and book.

Indeed, Mario and Luigi had planned that. And I don't know why the author used the term "book" for one of the characters to say.

Yoshiblue4: But we must duel once more! Crew members, back away. I will deal with these fools myself.

Mario and Luigi both got swords.

Mario: Er... Let the duel begin.

Yoshiblue4 got two swords (one in each hand) and attacked.

Mario: This reminds me, that Roshe guy said something about his 25 minutes being up. But I thought it was 30...

Luigi: Every bad story has its mistakes.

Mario and Luigi fought Captain Yoshiblue4. The crew got bored, so they started playing "Go Fish" or whatever that game is called...

Koopa Pirate 1: Um.. Isn't it "Gold Fish"?

Goomba Pirate 1: No, it's "Go Fish"!

Koopa Pirate 1: I want to play "Gold Fish"!

Goomba Pirate 1: There isn't a game called that, idiot!

Yoshi Pirate: Shut up, both of you!

Goomba Pirate 1: No!

Goomba Pirate 2: Forget this, I'm not playing.

Koopa Pirate 2: Yes you are!

Goomba Pirate 2: No!

The crew began to fight each other, while Mario and Luigi battled Yoshiblue4. To make things even more (translated as less) interesting, Mario cut some ropes that were holding up a barrel, which landed on Yoshiblue4 and began to roll around the ship. Yoshiblue4 got up and continued fighting. Most of the crew was either killed by another crew member or knocked off of the ship by the barrel. Eventually, the crew was gone.

Yoshiblue4: Arr, you won't beat me!

Suddenly, Mario kicked him in the face, causing him to drop his swords.

Yoshiblue4: You didn't play fair!

Luigi: Now, we'll just kill you.

Yoshiblue4 jumped off of the ship.

Mario: That chicken.

Luigi: Next time, say "that coward". It makes you look smarter.

Mario: I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about that chicken over there!

Mario pointed at a chicken on the ship.

Luigi: This story gets weirder every second. Okay, let's wreck this thing and book.

Mario: Don't forget the money.

Luigi: Okay...

Mario: And our ship...

Luigi: Okay...

Mario: And the chicken...

Luigi: O...kay...

Mario: And the swords...

Luigi: ... Fine...

Mario: And-


Mario: I already told you to get the chicken, I was going to say "And that's all."

Luigi: ... Er... sorry.

Luigi got the 100 bags of money and dumped them onto the Mario Sailor, which was being dragged by the floating Yoshi Sailor. Then Luigi got their swords and also dumped them onto the Mario Sailor... and he also got the chicken and dumped it onto the Mario Sailor.

Luigi: ... Can we go now?

Mario: Sure....

Captain Koopa (on intercom): Yoshiblue4! Are the clones ready?

Mario walked over to it.

Mario: No! The facility blew up right about now, and the clones are all dead, the crew is dead, the money has been taken back, and Yoshiblue4 jumped off of the ship like a coward.

Captain Koopa: NOOOOOOO! What about the chicken?

Mario: That was taken, too.

Captain Koopa: NOOOOOOO! I'm going to the cloning facility. By the way, who are you?

Mario: I'm the chicken.

Captain Koopa: Okay... whatever.

Mario began pushing random buttons, and the Yoshi Sailor began to fall, Mario and Luigi hopped onto their ship as the Yoshi Sailor went down (yes, they remembered to cut the rope that was attached to their ship).

Mario: I feel this adventure was too short.

Luigi: It was probably better of that way.

Mario: Maybe...

Mario and Luigi sailed back to Toad Town.

Chapter 5: Toad Town and Lemmy and Iggy's Ship

Mario: Well, Mr. Mushroom Bank Toad guy, we returned all of the money!

Bank Toad: Good!

Luigi: Er, can we have a reward?

Bank Toad: No.

Mario and Luigi were pushed outside of the building.

Mario: Well, want to go home now?

Luigi: Sure, why not.

A Toad: You can't!

Mario: Why not?

The Toad: A pirate ship came!

Mario and Luigi: Ug....

The two went over to the ship and got on.

Lemmy: Hi.

Iggy: I agree.

Lemmy: ....

Mario: Wait- You two were defeated by us!

Lemmy: Nope...

Mario: But...

Lemmy: Nope.

Mario: And...

Lemmy: Nope.

Mario: Well, why are you two here?

Lemmy: To take something important.

Luigi: Let me guess... you came to kidnap Princess Peach.

Lemmy: Nope.

Mario: Rob the bank?

Lemmy: Nope.

Morton: We came to-

Lemmy and Iggy: Quiet, Morton!

Luigi: A book...

Morton: You guessed right! Congratulations! Congrats! You win-

All: Quiet, Morton!

Mario: A book about powerful treasure.

Morton: Yeah.

Lemmy and Iggy pushed Morton into a cell in the ship with Roy.

Roy: I'm going to punch you.

Morton: Punch me? Beat me? Smack me? Slap me? Hit-

Roy punched him.

Back on the deck...

Lemmy: Well, since Big Mouth told you everything, I think it's safe to say, yes. A book to find a powerful treasure. We're visiting Russ. T. We'll probably kidnap him and take all of his books.

Mario: Well, let's go warn him.

Mario and Luigi were about to jump off, but their legs were grabbed by strange traps.

Larry: Haha... Everyone falls into my traps.

Lemmy: Let's go, Iggy.

Iggy: Okay.

Lemmy and Iggy jumped off onto the port (where the pirate ship was) and went to Russ T's house... er... library.

Luigi: Now what?

Mario: Hold on a sec...

Mario pushed the two things grabbing his legs away, and got away from the trap.

Luigi: What about me?

Mario freed him, too.

Larry: Well, I'm just going to run off.

Luigi: With who to defend the ship?

Larry: An old friend of yours...

Mario: Roshe!

Larry: Huh?

Mario: Never mind...

Luigi: Yoshiblue4!

Larry: .....

Luigi: ... Never mind.

Larry: Remember your old pal, the Mecha-Pirate Guy?

Mecha-Pirate Guy: Arr! I told you that you didn't see the last of me!

Mario: GASP.

Luigi: But I sold your pieces!

Mecha-Pirate Guy: Yup. For a Life Shroom. And the guy that you sold me to had a hood on. You had no idea that that person was Kamek! He put me back together! And now I will defeat you!

Mario and Luigi got their swords and fought the Mecha-Pirate Guy (who also had a sword). Larry simply watched.

Larry: Hey, I've got an idea...

Larry went to a barrel filled with Bob-ombs and tossed one at the two Brothers. They barely managed to dodge.

Mecha-Pirate Guy: Careful where ye throw those!

Larry tossed more, not caring about what the Mecha-Pirate Guy said.

Mecha-Pirate Guy: Kids never listen.

Mario jumped over to the barrel of Bob-ombs.

Luigi: You're abandoning me!

Mario tossed a Bob-omb at Larry. It exploded, which made him go unconscious. He began to toss some at the Mecha-Pirate Guy.

Mecha-Pirate Guy: This isn't a fair fight.

The Mecha-Pirate Guy dodged them.

Mecha-Pirate Guy: Now, for a familiar attack.

The Mecha-Pirate Guy raised his peg-leg and began to shoot cannon balls out of it. Some of them hit Luigi's knees, which made him fall over.

Mario: You are tricky.

Mario tossed a Bob-omb. It went over the Mecha-Pirate Guy's head. Luigi (remember, he just fell over, he didn't fall unconscious) grabbed it and threw it at the Mecha-Pirate Guy. The Mecha-Pirate Guy took some damage from the explosion.

Mario: I am trickier.

Luigi: Give me credit, too!

Mario: Luigi didn't do much but he did something.

Luigi: ...

Mecha-Pirate Guy: Now, for a new attack!

The Mecha-Pirate Guy started launching cannon balls from a cannon that came out of his head, but the Brothers weren't ever hit. Luigi got up.

Luigi: Your new attack isn't doing much.

Lemmy and Iggy jumped back on the ship. They had a book with them.

Iggy: Now that we have the book, let's book... Heh, get it?

Lemmy: Yeah. We just need to get rid of these two.

Mecha-Pirate Guy: They're tricky!

Mario tossed a Bob-omb into the cannon coming out of his head. His head exploded.

Lemmy: Well, that's junk now.

Iggy threw the Mecha-Pirate Guy's remains into the ocean.

Lemmy: Now, we'll just throw them into the cell inside this ship.

And they did.

Lemmy: Let's go.


Captain Koopa: The facility... it's ruined.

The cloning facility seemed to have blown up... but there were things that remained, a few surviving things.

Computer: Energy remaining... can make one more clone. Enough energy to age to original specimen's current age.Hey...I have an idea!

Captain Koopa entered the cloning machine.

Computer: Now cloning.

Chapter 6: Dark Land

Captain Koopa arrived back at Castle Koopa in his Captain Copter (a new copter-thing). His clone came in the original Clown Copter.

Captain Koopa: Now, clone! I will give you a name.

Clone: And what is my name?

Captain Koopa: Captain Clone Koopa! No- Captain Koopa Clone! No- Captain Clone! No- Clone Koopa! No- I'll decide later.

Clone: Fine.

Captain Koopa: Now, let's go inside my castle.

The two went inside the castle.

Captain Koopa: My plans are easy to understand. Since the cloning facility has been destroyed, I can't get an army of clones from there. Instead, I will summon a new army, with a special treasure. The Amethyst of the Dark!

Clone: And what is that?

Captain Koopa: The Amethyst of the Dark will summon an army once I claim it. I've sent Lemmy and Iggy and some of those other kids of mine to Toad Town to get a book which should tell about it. Somewhere in it, is a map.

Clone: Interesting...

Kamek came over to the Captain.

Kamek: Captain Koopa, what if the Marios come?

Captain Koopa: We can defeat them, we just haven't been fighting like we should.

Kamek: And what if they get help from that shark-like captain?

Captain Koopa: Heh, Johnny doesn't know it, but I have a few minions watching him.

Kamek: You do? And who is this... copy of you?

Captain Koopa: I was able to create one clone with the remains of the cloning facility. He will help me.

Clone: (Now, how to get away...)

Captain Koopa: Lemmy, Iggy and those others will probably be back soon.


Lemmy: And we're here!

Iggy: Yay.

Lemmy: Let's give Captain Dad this book and start freezing those crew members of his who tried to stage a mutiny.

Iggy: Why can't we burn them?

Lemmy: We can burn them after. We'll freeze them first.

Iggy: So, we're killing Kamek and Kammy?

Lemmy: No, just torturing them. Captain Dad told us to do it when we got back...

Iggy: Okay.

Larry (who had recently regained consciousness): Well, I guess that leaves me to guard the prisoners down there?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Lemmy and Iggy jumped off of the ship, onto Dark Land. They headed to Castle Koopa.

Inside the ship...

Roy: These bars are weak! Ha.

Roy broke the bars and left.

Morton: Hey, we can get out now. Want to listen to my speech?

Mario and Luigi: No.

Morton: Okay. Fine. I understand.

Mario and Luigi left the cell.

Morton: I'm all alone now. Alone. With no one. No one to talk to. It's just me. It's-

On the deck...

Larry: Roy! Listen...

Roy: Shut up, Punchbag.

Larry: The Mario Brothers! They're-

Roy punches him.

Larry: Ow.

Roy punches him again.

Larry: Ow!

Mario and Luigi jumped off of the ship and onto the grounds of Dark Land.

Mario: It's hard to imagine that there's actually water around this place.

Luigi: Let's go to Castle Koopa.

Mario: Okay.

Mario and Luigi went to Castle Koopa.


Captain Koopa: Now, we have the book. Let's start reading.

Kamek: Er, shouldn't we set sail now?

Captain Koopa: One, we don't have a ship, and two, we wouldn't know where we were going.

Kamek: Okay... but Lemmy and Iggy have a ship.

Captain Koopa: I want my own. A big one...

Kamek was dragged away by Lemmy and Iggy...

Back with the Brothers...

The two had entered the castle by now. There weren't any traps or enemies around so they just moved through rooms. Unlike the last time they visited, the castle now had many rooms, rather than one. Eventually, they reached the throne room.

Captain Koopa: Oh, hello. I'm afraid you have fallen into my trap.

The Brothers were surrounded by robots carrying blasters.

Captain Koopa: Their blasters are armed, so don't move!

Clone: Heh heh...

Captain Koopa: You two Brothers are about to be defeated!

Mario: Technology plus Pirate Story equals Bad Mix.

Captain Koopa: Now, I will order them to defeat you two.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Johnathan Jones and several Bandana Blues and Reds came in, sticking their spears and skewers into the robots.

Captain Koopa: But... I had spies making sure you didn't come!

Johnny: What are ye talking about? We destroyed yer clonin' facility. Now we have come to stop you from doing evil acts.

Captain Koopa: But... they weren't mine. They belonged to someone else... but I was using them.

Johnny: Me crew will make you walk the plank!

Captain Koopa: Grr...

Several Bandana Reds began to try to pull Johnny back.

A Bandana Red: Captain, you mustn't...

Mario: Wait...

Luigi: That's... strange.

Johnny: Quit pullin' on me, Reds! You've been a lot of trouble lately as it is.

Cortez came in with several Embers.

Johnny: As if we need you here, now.

Cortez: I told ye, those red scumbags of yours are unusual.

Johnny: I could say the same thing about you.

Mario: Er...

Cortez: They have no one defending them. One of you Embers... fry one.

One of the ghostly Embers floated over to a Bandana Red, and burned it. Sparks began to fly out of its head. The metal began to melt... The Bandana Red exploded.

Cortez: I told ye they were unusual.

Johnny: Captain Koopa, do the reds happen to be those spies?

Captain Koopa: Reds! Destroy them now!

The Bandana Reds began to attack. However, they were easily and quickly destroyed by the Embers.

Captain Koopa: Grr...

Luigi: This explains a lot.

Captain Koopa: Clone! ... He's gone too.

Captain Koopa ran. But where was the clone?

Flying away from Dark Land were the clone in the Captain Copter and about 1/4 of Captain Koopa's crew, somehow all stuck in the Clown Copter.

Peg-Troopa: Hey... Help!

Clone: I am your captain now! We will go to Toad Town and find out information from the smart Toad. We will then go and get The Amethyst of the Dark! You will call me... Captain Clone!

Boomba: Ug... Help. I'm stuck.

Captain Clone: We'll get a ship that's big enough for all of us when we get to Toad Town. For now, be following me.

Back at Castle Koopa, Captain Koopa was hurrying over to Lemmy and Iggy, who were torturing Kamek, Kammy and the rest of the crew.

Captain Koopa: We have to get out of here!

Iggy: Okay.

Lemmy: Are we using our ship?

Captain Koopa: No. We're going to steal one of theirs.

So Captain Koopa and his crew left the Castle and headed to the ships. Meanwhile, Larry was being punched by Roy on Lemmy and Iggy's ship, while Morton was talking loudly.

Captain Koopa: Well... let's get in the Black Koopa Shell and be off.

Kamek: What about your clone?

Captain Koopa: Forget it...

Kamek: And do you have the book?

Captain Koopa: Yes.

Captain Koopa and his crew (including Lemmy and Iggy) got on, soon followed by Roy, Larry and Morton.

Captain Koopa: Let's go.

They set sail... Just a few seconds later, Mario, Luigi, Johnny, his crew, Cortez and his crew arrived.

Cortez: Hm... Looks like they've stolen yer ship, Johnny.

Johnny: Er...

Cortez: Well, now what?

Mario: Me and Luigi will use Iggy and Lemmy's ship.

Luigi: And if there's traps...?

Mario: We'll get out of them.

Luigi: Let's hope that's possible.

The two hopped onto the ship.

Mario: Let's call this the LI Ship.

Luigi: Why LI?

Mario: Because it's Lemmy and Iggy's ship.

Luigi: Well, okay.

Cortez and his ghostly crew went inside the Black Skull. Johnny and his crew got on the LI Ship.

Johnny: You know, me and Cortez have been battling for a long time now...

Mario: Yup.

Johnny: And now we're working together.

Mario: Yup.

Johnny: Well, let's go.

The LI Ship and the Black Skull set sail...

To Be Continued...

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