Star Calibur

By Archfiend Koopa

Prologue: Evil’s Reawakening

Transcending the past and Plit. A story of spirits and a scythe eternally retold…

Far, far away, in the very heart of Star Haven, the Seven Star Spirits were vigilantly watching the currently peaceful world of Plit. It had been many years since there had been a threat in Mushroom Kingdom, or any of Plit for that matter. In fact life was getting rather boring for the Star Spirits. Many of the wishes were the same and each was as dull as the next, compared to this the Star Spirits actually might have wanted the entire Bowser fiasco the happen again just for the adventure.

All of the Star Spirits and the newly elected messenger of the stars, Twink, were in Star Central. Star Central was the main hub where all the wishes were seen and, if they were good enough, granted by the fabled Wishing Well. The Seven Star Spirits and Twink were each on a pillar in every corner of the room. In the very center, a wishing well with patterns of moons and stars sat in the purple and blue striped room. This was the mystical Wishing Well, and right now an unknown force seemed to dispel the magic and wishes stopped flowing in the water.

“What do you suppose is happening?” Misstar, the most beautiful of the Star Spirits, inquired.

“I don’t know, but I can only assume this is a very grim sign indeed…” Eldstar, the wisest of the Star Spirits, said.

“Maybe we’re overreacting” Muskular, the strongest of the Star Spirits, suggested. “I mean, this has happened before, hasn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Clevar, obviously the cleverest Star Spirit, said. “But look at the well water; it’s turned from its warm, gold color to a rather bloodish hue… I think I can safely say that there are other things amiss here…”

Before Twink was about to respond with his own personal opinion, a tall figure garbed in a blue hat and cape burst through the door with quite a clamorous crash.

“Was that entrance entirely necessary, Geno?” Eldstar asked in both shock and eagerness.

“Sir,” Geno said in an extremely urgent voice. “There are more urgent matters than me knocking down the door.”

“Okay Geno,” Skolar, the smart star, said. “What is this urgency?”

“Well I was on my patrol at Star Hill when…” Geno was suddenly interrupted by a loud slurping sound. Everyone looked up and saw Twink with a ridiculously large cup of Cocoa-Cola.

“Oops, sorry,” Twink said. “I was just thirsty and, well, I just couldn’t resist.”

Eldstar sighed as he nodded for Geno to continue. “Youth these days!”

Twink was about to respond but Geno intervened.

“I was on Star Hill Summit, when I sensed an evil presence…” Geno said.

“I knew it!” Clevar said cheerfully.

“This is hardly a time for cheering, Clevar!” Mamar scolded.

“Enough!” Eldstar said, silencing everyone but Geno. “Now continue, I don’t think you’ll have anymore interruptions.”

“I LIKE PICKLES!” a guardsman said rather stupidly.

“Who let this idiot in here?!” Skolar asked, getting annoyed.

“Sorry...” Twink said in a small voice.

“LIKING PICKLES IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND!” the stupid guard persisted.

Geno then blasted a laser from his right arm right into the center of the guard’s stomach, sending him flying through the wall.

“Was THAT necessary, Geno?” Eldstar asked.

“Yes, I’m afraid it was,” Geno said. “Anyways, I went to the very top of Star Hill Summit and saw a rip in the fabric of time. I also saw it was overflowing with an aura of evil.” Geno paused and looked at the Star Spirits. “I think you know what this means…” Geno said, looking at Eldstar.

“I’m afraid it means,” Eldstar paused, “that no person or creature alive is safe…” Eldstar looked at the rest of the Star Spirits. “It means that the lost legend is true and that many good people will be tainted by its influence…”

“What’s it?” Twink asked, being too young to have ever heard of such a legend.

“The Deathbringer…” Eldstar answered in a grim voice. “We must have a champion! And he must go fight for our cause and destroy the Deathbringer!”

“I agree entirely.” Geno said and nodded.

“But who?” Kalmar, the only mustached spirit, asked.

“Mario of course!” Muskular said.

Everyone looked at Muskular and slowly nodded. Mario would be the perfect Champion of The Stars…

Chapter 1: Luigi’s Craving

It was early morning when Mario woke. The sunrise was casting an angelic glow and there was a gentle breeze, just enough to make it the perfect temperature. As Mario got down from the top bunk of his and his brother’s bunk bed, he realized Luigi’s bunk was empty. He didn’t know why, but Mario felt like something was amiss.

“Luigi’s probably just in the kitchen,” Mario thought to himself. But Luigi was nowhere to be found in the small house. Mario looked in the yard, the bedroom (again), and the kitchen (again), he even checked Luigi’s secret room under the floor of their bedroom where his diary was hidden. Mario was tempted to look in the diary, but he did what all good siblings did and…

“Hmm… Nothing in the diary says he was going anywhere today,” Mario said, thinking aloud. “Although I just HAVE to keep this embarrassing photo of him on Valentines Day when he thought he was kissing Daisy, but he actually kissed-” Mario stopped as he saw Geno warp suddenly in front of him.

“G-Geno?! What are you-a doing here?” Mario asked in shock.

“Well I was sent here by the Star Spirits to ask you to meet with them on Star Hill as soon as possible,” Geno replied, seeming annoyed about something.

“Is something-a bothering you Geno?” Mario asked curiously.

“Well it SHOULD be Twink being the messenger! But noooooooooooooo, he says he has to deliver an important message to Toadsworth.”

“So?” Mario said, not finding a reason for Geno to be angry.

“Well the new ‘Star Messenger’ just uses that as an excuse to go and pig out on doughnuts and cocoa-cola, AND FURTHERMORE… Hey is that that embarrassing photo of Luigi when he kissed a-”

“Well…” Mario said in thought. “I’ll come to Star Hill as soon as possible.”

“Good,” Geno said, nodding. “But you must NOT go to the Summit.”

“Why?” Mario once again asked curiously.

“Well… you’ll find out when you get to Star Hill. I’ll see you there Mario, farewell.” And with that Geno dissolved into thin air.

For a few moments Mario pondered the many things going on this morning. There was Luigi’s mysterious disappearance and then there was the meeting with Geno and the Star Spirits.

“Well, first things first,” Mario thought to himself. “Luigi must be found, the Star Spirits can wait.”

Mario then walked into his rather small kitchen and looked at his calendar to see if Luigi had anything planned.

“Oh!” Mario said in great surprise. “Today’s the day when Luigi and I go to the Dinosaur Land Beach for a day of fun in the sun and a picnic.” Other people attending included: Princess Peach, Toadsworth, Toad, Yoshi, and Mallow.

This normally would have excited Mario, but in his current situation he felt panic.

“Calm-a down!” Mario instructed himself. “I will-a just go to Peach’s Castle and ask her if she’s seen Luigi. If not then we can hold off the picnic until later.”

When Mario reassured himself that everything would be fine, he went out the door, down the warp pipe, and was on the way to Peach’s Castle.


In Nimbus Land the early morning sky was dark and gloomy. The only thing Prince Mallow awoke to was frigid winds and needle-like rain. It seemed he had forgotten to close the window before he went to bed.  Mallow got up to close the window when a thunderous knocking came from his door. Apparently it wasn’t the storm that had woke him; it was the whacks to the door. Mallow was taken aback. Usually, due to his royal status he got a polite little rap on his door whenever he was needed.  Mallow continued to stare at the door and got a feeling of fear. What could be so eager that he was needed this badly? Mallow knew this was an ominous sign. Before Mallow could think or react the door was flung open with incredible force. This incredible force was revealed to be a royal guardsman…

“Why have you barged into my room without my permission?” Mallow asked in an authoritive tone.

“I have orders from Captain Cirrus to bring you to the throne room immediately!” the guard said forcefully.

“Why does Captain Cirrus want me to go to the throne room? Is this about my parents?” Mallow asked uncertainly.

“That information is to be classified until we get to the throne room!” the guard boomed.

“Excuse me,” Mallow said, getting annoyed. “I am the PRINCE of Nimbus Land! I come before Captain Cirrus and I DEMAND to know what is going on!” Mallow said fiercely, fighting the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

“Captain Cirrus will discuss it with you in the throne room, now let’s go!” the stubborn guard persisted.

“If you don’t tell me I will have you FIRED!” Mallow said threateningly to the guard.

“Very well…” the guard stated almost mechanically.

“Then tell me!” Mallow demanded.

“A REVOLT!” the guard said, putting down his shield to reveal a sharp spear…

Mallow tried to scream, but no sound erupted from his mouth. It was a silent terror, a cold blooded murder. Mallow thought of these disturbing thoughts and flinched as he awaited his inevitable death…

After a moment or two, Mallow realized he was not dead, but alive somehow. As he looked back he saw the Nimbian Guard flat on his face and dead.

“H-how?” Is all Mallow could manage to say before another shady figure came from the shadows of the corner.

“That was close,” the figure spoke. “You should really be more careful what you say the next time,” a gruff voice said. The figure walked over to the dead guard and plucked several ninja stars from the back of the dead defender.

“That was an amazing save!” Mallow said breathlessly. “Remind me tell my parents to give you a pay raise, Umbra,” Mallow said, looking at his guardian.

Umbra was a tough-looking Nimbian dressed in a ninja outfit. He was always in the dark and his presence alone seemed to cast a long and ominous shadow. He bore a big, wide sword, many shurikens, and other assassin equipment. Umbra had been hired by Mallow’s father in order to be his guardian. Although he was a shady character he could be trusted and would always guide Mallow. Mallow had always felt an obligation towards Umbra although he could be unusually harsh. However, through his sometime harsh attitude Umbra did really care for Mallow and he would protect him to the end.

“So I’m guessing it was you that opened my window and snuck inside,” Mallow said to Umbra with a smirk.

“Yeah I did, but if I didn’t then you would be laying on the ground dead right now,” Umbra replied. “We’re not out of the woods yet…”

“What do you mean?” Mallow asked his guardian.

“I mean that there is more than one guard in this castle, you nimrod! Even you know that!” Umbra said fiercely.

“You mean...” Mallow started to say.

“There’s no time for chatter right now, you have to escape! We’ll talk once we’re in a safe area, and that area definitely isn’t at this castle, let’s go! Umbra said briefly, then started climbing onto the roof out of Mallow’s window.

“Are you nuts?” Mallow asked, looking at the heavy storm. “Climbing on the roof in the middle of this storm? Do you know how narrow some parts of the roof are? This is crazy and what if we get blown-”

“Enough complaining!” Umbra said sharply. “If you want to get out of here alive then follow me!”

“Okay…” Mallow said, trying to control the nervousness pulsing throughout his body.

Mallow took a step onto the shingles of the castle roof. The roof was wet and kind of slimy in the rain. Mallow was preparing to slip off the roof due to the immense slipperiness and the fact that the excessive water runoff was flowing through their feet didn’t help either.

“Umbra, I think my feet are frozen,” Mallow complained, looking down at his stiff feet.

“Keep walking!” Umbra ordered. “It’s either your feet or your life, which one would you prefer to lose?” Umbra said in a low, growling voice.

After about fifteen minutes of walking Mallow had already almost slipped off twice, luckily Umbra was a well trained ninja and could catch Mallow before he could fall off.

“Stop,” Umbra said, looking ahead.

“What is it?” Mallow asked curiously.

Just then two guards busted through an upper window and landed with a thud, and then they looked up to the runaways.

“In the name of Captain Cirrus you both are to be executed immediately!” one guard said.

“Over my dead body…” Umbra said in a fierce growl.

“That can be arranged,” the second guard spoke with a smirk.

“Mallow, stay behind me!” Umbra ordered.

Mallow didn’t know what to do. He knew he could help in the fight but he didn’t want to disobey Umbra, so all he could do was remain silent and watch…

Both of the guards drew their spears while Umbra withdrew his sword. The guards rushed Umbra and both attacked at once, jabbing anywhere they could. Umbra was blocking their strikes although he got many cuts here and there. As one of the guards was doing a vertical strike Umbra thrust his sword upward with such force that it caused the guards to stumble. Umbra took this opportunity and stabbed a guard through the heart.

Mallow did not like seeing death like that, but he knew Umbra was doing it for the best. It still made him tremble, though, looking at the once living eyes of the guardsman whose eyes where now glassy and lifeless. Then to his horror two other guards came out through the same window that the other guards had come through.

“There they are!” one of them said.

“The roof, eh? Pretty clever,” the other guard said. “Well your little detour to safety has just been blocked.”

“Correction,” Umbra said. “It WAS blocked.”

At that moment Umbra lunged forward and threw a great amount of shurikens at the enemies.

“Practical ninja trick,” one of the guardsmen snapped.

Although they dodged the ninja stars, they still had to deal with Umbra lunging wildly at them.

Mallow was rooted to his position, watching helplessly as his guardian was fighting three against one. One thought occurred to him, though. The guardsmen weren’t exactly professional fighters while Umbra was highly trained...

In the heat of battle Umbra was slowly wearing down from the many attempted and sometimes connected spear strikes. Then an idea hit him. As the guards started slashing away, Umbra started going defensive and also started carving into the roof.

“Killing the roof, are you?” a guard said mockingly. “I thought you were killing us?”

“Farewell!” Umbra spoke in his growling voice.

“?” was what the guards were thinking at those words.

“We’re not dead,” pne guard thought to himself. “We’re not even scratched up that badly…” Then the guard noticed that the shingles they were standing on were sliding off the roof. The guards started screaming and panicking as they frantically started running up the roof, but that didn’t help because those shingles were also sliding off. All three of them eventual slipped from all the runoff water and they had one last attempt.
The guards tried to grab on to the roof and pull themselves up, but all of the shingles were loose and all they could do was fall to their demise…

“Hmph,” Umbra grunted. “Good that’s out of the way, let’s go Mallow!”

“Wait…” Mallow said, looking at how far the guards dropped. “You still have to tell me what is going on!”

“Fine,” Umbra said as he looked around to make sure they were safe. “Captain Cirrus has been tainted by the influence of Deathbringer.”

“What’s Deathbringer?” Mallow asked, looking up at Umbra’s face.

“I do not know. However, I have seen Cirrus obsess about it. He has gone mad and seems to want it so much his own judgment is blinded.”

“Why does he have to kill us to get it? And what about my parents and the rest of Nimbus Land?

“As I said, his judgment is blinded by his greed for lust and power, and he will do anything to obtain Deathbringer. Hmm… your parents are currently in the dungeon and are being held there by Cirrus himself. I saw them down there and they’re the ones that sent me to rescue you before they would eventually get to you.”

“My parents sent you to rescue me? B-but they’ll be okay, won’t they? And why do the guards also betray me?

“The guards are also tainted by the dark influence of Deathbringer, and their madness actually deludes them so that they actually think Cirrus could lead them to power. Once you are safe I will go rescue your parents and do all I can for Nimbus Land. It appears Deathbringer can possess people with greed, so you must stay as you are now because people with greed and a want of power are easily taken by the dark force.”

“I will try to stay as I am,” Mallow said. “But still, why does he want us killed?” Mallow asked.

“Remember the dark influence causes people to go insane, and they will believe anything as long as they get to Deathbringer. Nothing else matters to them except that sole objective. Now, before we are noticed again, let us go, Mallow!”

“Y-yessir,” Mallow said, following Umbra.

Mallow was now in deep thought about their situation. Many guards and soldiers, including Captain Cirrus, had already fallen under the shadow of evil. Could he, Mallow, be next? No, no, no! Mallow said, scolding himself for even thinking of such an idea.

“Stop, Mallow!” Umbra said once again.

Then Mallow saw why. He could see a guard post, and the front gates were closed with many guards patrolling them. Did the rest of Nimbus Land even know what tyranny was going on inside the castle?

Just then an arrow came out of nowhere and hit Umbra in the right shoulder.

Umbra grunted with pain as a second arrow hit his left arm. Umbra was about to retrieve a crossbow when it was apparent that a third arrow had come from the guard tower and hit Umbra in his right hand.

“S-SHOCKER!” Mallow screamed at the guard in the tower.

“The guard was hit by a big bolt of lightning, and fell from his post down to the cold ground below.

“U-Umbra, are you okay?” Mallow asked with a feeling of great uneasiness.

Umbra peered up at Mallow. “I think I can manage,” Umbra replied. Umbra growled in agony as he pulled the three arrows out of his body. Umbra then took off the arms of his ninja uniform and wrapped cloth tightly around all his wounds, then put the arms of the ninja outfit back on.

Umbra then started climbing down some vines on the side of the castle wall to the ground. “Come, Mallow!” Umbra said quickly.

Mallow knew Umbra shouldn’t have been climbing with his wounds and worried for his guardian, but Umbra just wouldn’t wait so Mallow descended down the side of the castle wall.

Umbra then cut though some of the iron bars that made up the gate (or part of it) and jumped through his self-created hole.

Mallow then followed suit and saw the entrance to get down to Plit.

“This is where you go,” Umbra said gruffly. “Go to Plit and stay safe, I’ll try to come down as soon as possible.”

Just then some soldiers noticed the pair of them. “STOP RIGHT THERE!”

“Go, Mallow!” Umbra urged.

“I can’t leave you to fight with your wounds!” a concerned Mallow said.

“I SAID GO!” Umbra said, pushing Mallow down the hole into the realm of Plit…


It was now nighttime and Luigi still hadn’t returned. Mario had arranged a search party for his little bro. The search party included Peach, Mario, Yoshi, Toad, and Toadsworth.

“Man, if Luigi had just shown up we could be at the beach RIGHT NOW!” Toad shouted. “This bites!”

“Toad!” Peach scolded. “Luigi is more important then the beach, and besides, maybe we can go tomorrow when we find Luigi,” Peach said confidently.

“I hope you're-a right about finding Luigi” Mario said worriedly.

“Of course she’s right, Master Mario!” Toadsworth said. “Has she ever been wrong?” Toadsworth said, attempting to cheer Mario up.

“Yeah, Mario, just have faith,” Yoshi said.

“She has too been wrong before!” Toad said, looking at Peach. “She was wrong about this day being a blast!”

“THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH, TOAD!” Toadsworth yelled at the top of his lungs. Panting now, Toadsworth said, “Quit being so negative!”

“Yes sir,” Toad said calming down to his good old self.

Just then the group saw a person get booted from a Toad House.

“AND STAY OUT, YOU NO GOOD WASTE OF SPACE!” a male Toad’s voice boomed.

The group of four ran over to the fallen person to see if he was okay.

The four watched as a rather short mage got up. This mage had a white, pointy hat with a crescent moon on the brim. The hat was curved down at the point. His face was covered in a perpetual shadow and through the darkness two glowing, lime green eyes pierced through. The mage also had a long white cape that trailed behind him a little and had a red outfit that had six golden buttons that sat across from one another, three on each side. He had green and white striped pants, but his most noticeable feature was the staff he held in his brown leather gloves. It was medium in size and had the color of gold. At the very top the staff was divided into four elegant curves, and resting on them was a glowing purple orb and inside it was what looked like mist.

“Are you okay?” Peach asked, looking at the unfortunate magician.

“I’m just fine, thank you.” The mage turned and looked into Mario’s eyes. “I was just asking for some money. You see, I am a traveling mage who searches the world for knowledge and enlightenment.”

“Sounds like we got one of those Buddhists on our hands,” Toad said stupidly.

“Just because I want to be enlightened does not make me a Buddhist,” the mage said, glaring at Toad. “Unfortunately, being a traveler all the time doesn’t really get me much profit, so I occasionally ask for money.”

“DON’T GIVE HIM ANYTHING, IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY,” Toad pleaded to Mario. “My theory is that he’s a two-toed Nimbian named Vovowaxeplax who plans to steal all the world’s coffee shavings and do you see that hat? He keeps his gills under there.”

“Nimbians don’t have gills!” Yoshi criticized. “And who steals coffee shavings?”

“My coffee shavings!” a voice yelled from the distance.

Just then Ms. Mowz ran by. “I DO!” Ms. Mowz laughed and disappeared into the night.

“That was just wrong…” Yoshi stated and looked up at the clear night sky.

“Well here,” Mario said, handing over a bag of coins. “I think this will be good enough for many nice dinners.”

“Yes,” the magician said solemnly. “Your generosity is very much appreciated. You are very kind to give me so much. You will be repaid for your kindness; I see it in your future…” And with that the mage walked off into the distance.

“What a strange little fella,” Toad said, looking where the mage walked away to.

“You should take a look in the mirror, Toad.” Yoshi chuckled.

“SHUT UP OR I’LL GIVE YOU SUCH A PINCH!” Toad said in response.

But their argument was quickly halted by a great rustling in the bushes behind them.

The group of four quickly looked towards the sound. The rustling of the bushes became more fierce and persistent until a flying hammer flew out and hit Mario directly in the stomach.

“MARIO!” Peach screamed.

“I’m-a okay…” Mario said in the midst of the wind getting knocked out of him.

Just then a shadowed figure came from the bushes.

“W-who are you?” Toadsworth asked, trying to sound calm although his voice was cracking.

“Whatever it is they'd better watch out because no one hurts Mario on my watch!” Yoshi said, charging at the shadow.

The shadow then retrieved its hammer and whacked Yoshi on the side of the head with great force. Yoshi looked at himself and saw blood trickling down the side of his head.

Then Mario grabbed his own hammer and whacked the figure in the head.  This knocked the culprit into a street light.

“Who is it?” Toad asked with a growing fear.

“L-LUIGI?!” Mario asked. All of a sudden Mario felt his knees collapse, he looked at his sweaty palms. “It can’t be…”

Just then Luigi rose back to his feet. Luigi had yellow eyes and great big, red bags under his eyes which made Luigi look positively evil.

“G-GIVE IT TO ME! Give me Deathbringer…”

Chapter 2: Bowser’s Woes

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” bellowed the ferocious voice of Bowser.  “NO, NO, NO! THAT JUST WON’T DO!"

After his last defeat, Bowser had become very depressed and now started to question whether anyone even feared him anymore. Bowser now was usually alone in the throne room contemplating schemes that would bring him back so the Mushroomers would know he hadn't lost his evil touch. However, evil plots aren’t exactly easy to come up with, especially one worthy of a real villain rather than just a common thief.

“Grr… this one STINKS! Stealing the world’s coffee shavings IS NOT WORTHY OF BEING AN EVIL PLOT!” Bowser said, smacking his hand to his head. Bowser had never been as frustrated as this.

“Stealing coffee shavings is a great evil plan. I have already stolen all the shavings of Koopa Village.”

Bowser looked over with much confusion to see Ms. Mowz standing in his wake.

“Don’t you see, it’s the small stuff that can turn huge later on! BIG THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES!”

“Yeah, and big things come in even bigger packages, now BUZZ OFF!” As soon as Bowser uttered those words he booted the pint-sized mouse out his window and into the unknown.

“I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!” Ms. Mowz squealed as she soared through the air.

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! Come on, Bowser, there’s gotta be something… What would Dad do?

Bowser then started recalling memories in the past. Then he recalled a story his dad told him when he was a child. It was a very vague memory but he could still remember that it was about a weapon of ultimate power, an unstoppable juggernaut of a weapon. As this memory came to light he also remembered questioning if there were really such a thing. Unfortunately Bowser never found out…

Just then Kamek flew through the window. Bowser had sent Kamek out earlier to find any possible plan ideas.

“Oh, Kamek,” Bowser said. In fact Bowser had been so deep in thought he completely forgot about Kamek’s mission. “Have you found anything?”

“I’m afraid not.” At this Bowser sighed. “Wait, I’m not finished, my lord! My lord, I didn’t see anything, but Kammy detected an evil aura of some sort.”

“Where is Kammy now?” Bowser asked eagerly.

“She’s on her way back,” Kamek responded.

Just then Kammy warped into the room. “Lord Bowser! I found something!”

“I heard,” Bowser said, nodding over at Kamek. “But I’m sure you could tell me in detail since you were actually there, right?”

“Of course I could… but what’s my motivation?” Kammy asked lazily.

“I’ll give you my hair curler,” Bowser said hopefully.

“Throw in your waffle iron and you have yourself a deal!” Kammy said in response.


“How about the toaster?” Kammy asked reasonably.

“It’s a deal!” Bowser said happily.

“My lord,” Kamek started to say. “You don’t even use your waffle iron!”

“Shows what you know!” Bowser spat. “I use it for PUNISHMENT!”

“That’s stupid!” Kamek said and laughed.

“Fine,” Bowser stated. “Then you will be the next to feel its wrath! Put your hand in the waffle iron!”

“No!” Kamek said in response to the ridiculous demand. “It’ll slowly cook my hand to waffly goodness!”

“Precisely!” Bowser said triumphantly.

“My lord, we’re getting a bit off topic…” Kammy interjected.

“Talk to the waffle iron, because the horns don’t wanna hear it no more!”

“Don’t you mean the face?” Kamek inquired.

“THAT’S IT!” Bowser spazzed.

Bowser then grabbed Kamek’s hand and shoved it into the waffle iron and turned it on.

“AHHH! IT BURNS!” Kamek screamed.

“Just think of it!” Bowser said. “People will pay millions for this new torture device!”

“AHEM!” Kammy yelled.

“Oh, sorry Kammy, so what did you find?”

“A new hand for me?” Kamek said sarcastically.

“No,” Kammy said, getting annoyed. “I found an evil aura emanating from a rip in time coming from Star Hill Summit!” Kammy said with enthusiasm.

“Woah, Kammy!” Bowser said shocked.

“I know!” Kammy said, feeling proud of herself.

“I mean woah as in say it so I can understand it, please!” Bowser said.

Kammy groaned. “Evil stuff is coming out of a hole on the top of Star Hill.”

“Just a little more understandable, Kammy, just a little more…” Bowser said dumbly.

Kammy was starting to turn red. “Goo goo gaga.”

“PERFECT!” Bowser said with happiness. “But couldn’t you just say that an evil aura was coming from a rip in time on Star Hill Summit?”


“What’s your disfunction?” Bowser asked.

“Just forget about it, my lord,” Kammy said, sighing.

“Okay, good work Kammy! After I go check on the kids we’ll go investigate.”

Bowser then promptly went downstairs and was heading towards the dining room where the kids were eating dinner.

“Oh DAD, here he comes!” a panicky voice said.

“Hurry, hurry, get rid of the bologna!” another nervous voice said.

“What in DAD’s name, may I ask is going on here?” Bowser said walking into the dining room. “OH DAD!”

“We're sorry, King Dad…” Lemmy said, looking up at Bowser’s furious eyes. “We kinda had a food fight and it got out of hand…”

“YOU’RE DANG RIGHT IT GOT OUT OF HAND!” Bowser bellowed. Bowser then started slamming his foot on the floor out of frustration.

“Wait, Daddy, what about your blood pressure?’ Wendy asked, scared stiff.

Bowser then roared with anger and slammed his fist on the dining room table. Some leftover spaghetti flew from a bowl sitting on the table and hit Bowser on the head.

“Nice one, Dad,” Larry said, snickering.

“GRRR… GET TO THE DUNGEON IMMEDIATELY!” Bowser roared at the top of his lungs.

“That’s not fair!” Morton whined. “I only made up seventy-five percent of the mess…”

“But you know ve're going through tough times ever since Junior vent away on a quest for life…” Ludwig complained.

“There’s two flaws in that statement,” Bowser snorted. “The first one is you could care less about Junior, and two is that Junior’s on a quest to GET A LIFE!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” Ludwig snickered. And with that the Koopalings went out to the dungeon, tail between their legs.

“That includes you too, chump!” Bowser said with a stressed tone.

“Oh, right, got it!” Roy said dumbly. And with that Roy walked out, tail between his legs.

“USE A NEW PHRASE, PLEASE!” Bowser yelled at the narrator.

And with that Roy walked out, all gloom and doom.

“Better!” Bowser said sharply.

“My lord!” Kamek said out of breath.

“Mmm?” Bowser asked mumbling.

“I heard you shout, what’s the problem?” Kamek asked consolingly.

“Well bologna and mustard all over the ceiling, about one hundred Koopa bits worth of food wasted, floor’s a mess, table’s ruined, plates and bowls broken, refrigerator demolished, cooks got all misty eyed and confused, some crazed mouse stole all of our coffee shavings, I’ve failed at plans, I’ve been ridiculed, and you're down here bugging me, any other questions?” Bowser asked with his eyes bulging.

“Umm… no,” Kamek said, not knowing how to respond.

“Good.” Bowser sighed.

“And my lord, you will have a plan… I mean, Kammy did find an evil aura, you’ll come through.”

“That’s right…” Bowser thought to himself and cheered up. “GWA HA HA HA! THE KOOPA KING IS BACK IN BUSINESS!”

Read on!

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