By Joshua

I swear, the people who’ve been reading this thing must have an IQ of- What? We’re on? Dang! Stupid author… Party recap:
Petey (Petey Piranha)
H Bro (Hammer Bro)
Steel (Iron Cleft)
Skyboy (Sky Guy)
A-Bomb (Atomic Boo)
Anti Guy (Anti Guy)

Chapter 44: Palace and Dragons

Joshua: Last time, I defeated Clawdia, and Spear evolved to Anti Guy! Woo. Then we ran into E-Man, and we’re going to battle. I’m starting with Skyboy, and he’s going with Dragohoho.

Joshua: Use Maskarang!

E-Man: I’ll get you back for your cruelty to Doopliss! Use Hoohoo Block!

Doopliss: *sniff* Someone likes me after all…

The block knocks the mask back at Skyboy’s face. And lightning strikes Doopliss, because I said so.

Doopliss: … Never mind.

Joshua: Curses!

E-Man: Ha. Now then, I think we’ll use Hoverstone!

Joshua: Wha?

Dragohoho shoots out a large Hoohoo Block like he did against Mario and Luigi. But this one can fly. He jumps on it.

Joshua: Well, this is dumb.

Dragohoho flies around the field.

Joshua: Skyboy, after it!

Skyboy flies after Dragohoho.

E-Man: Just as I expected. Dragohoho, Hoohoo Block, straight up!

Dragohoho fires a Hoohoo block in the air, in the hopes that it will land on Skyboy. But, E-Man has not taken Newton’s Third Law into account, and it lands on Dragohoho, knocking him off his hoverstone and into the water. He faints and turns back into Prince Peasley.

Peasley: FREEDOM!

Everyone: …

E-Man throws a Plitéball at him and he turns back into Dragohoho.


E-Man: … Well, that was dumb. Go, Hooktail (Dragon)!

A large, red dragon appears.

Joshua: Oh no.

Ms. Mowz: Oh no.

Doopliss: Oh no.

Koops: Oh no.

Bobbery: Oh no.

E-Man: Oh yeah.

Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall.

Kool-Aid Man: OH YEAH!

Author’s note: I couldn’t resist. Sorry.

E-Man: Fire Breath!

Hooktail spews fire at Skyboy, who barely dodges.

Joshua: That’s some power.

E-Man: Now, use Fire Breath again!

Joshua: Quick, Bomb Toss in her mouth!

Skyboy launches a bomb into Hooktail’s mouth before it uses Fire Breath, and it explodes in her mouth for major damage.

E-Man: No! Use Steel Wing!

Hooktail’s wings glow silver and she smashes into Skyboy, knocking him out.

Joshua: Like I said, that’s some power.

E-Man: Only the best for my team.

Joshua: Yeah, well I have someone who can match that power. Go, H Bro!

E-Man: He looks impressive, but he’s no match for my dragons.

Joshua: We’ll see. Use Ice Smash!

A frozen hammer strikes Hooktail, and for some reason, the blow sounds like a cricket. Hooktail shrieks.

E-Man: No! Crickets are Hooktail’s weakness!

Joshua grins.

Joshua: I equipped him with Attack FX R!

Ms. Mowz: BADGE!

Author’s Note: Ha! You thought I forgot about that joke!

E-Man: Cheap trick.

Joshua: You’re an Elite. DEAL WITH IT. Now, finish her off with Power Smash!

H Bro’s hammer smashes into Hooktail’s nose, and she faints.

Joshua and Kool-Aid Man: OH YEAH!!!

Joshua kicks the Kool-Aid Man to the Deep Dark Galaxy, and he is never heard from again.

E-Man: Most impressive. Your Hammer Bro is indeed powerful.

Joshua: Yeah, he was the first Plitémon I ever caught, when he was just a Koopa Troopa. I remember it like it was yesterday… mainly because of the Paragoomba that took my sandwich. Hey, there he is!

Paragoomba: Meep.

Joshua obliterates the Paragoomba.

Everyone except Joshua: …

Joshua: My life is one well spent.

H Bro flashes and evolves to Sledge Bro (Fighting)!

Joshua: Whoo-hoo! S Bro, let’s lock and load, baby!

E-Man: Yeah… Well then, I choose Gloomtail (Dragon/Dark).

Koops: Doesn’t he realise Dark types are weak against Fighting?

Joshua: No, he must have some reason for using it.

E-Man: Very perceptive of you. Now, Gloomtail, Stockpile!

Gloomtail glows and charges, raising its defence.

Joshua: Mega Smash!

WHAM! Right on the nose. Gloomtail looks hurt, but since it raised its defence, he’s ok.

E-Man: Stockpile, again!

He charges again.

Joshua: Ice Smash!

E-Man: Dodge it!

Gloomtail successfully dodges by flying into the air.

Joshua: Nuts.

E-Man: Stockpile, once more!

The same thing happens.

Joshua: Brace yourself!

E-Man: Good decision. Now that we’ve charged… Megabreath!!!

Joshua: Spin your hammer to deflect it!

The hammer manages to deflect the worst of the breath attack, but S Bro still takes heavy damage.

Joshua: No! Use Mega Smash again!

The smash hits Gloomtail hard on the nose and knocks him out.

E-Man: Two in a row? Not bad. Well, time for… Bonetail (Ghost/Dragon)!

The skeletal dragon roars as it enters the battlefield. S Bro shivers a little.

Joshua: Come back, S Bro. This looks like a job for Anti Guy!

The black-robed Shy Guy bounces from foot to foot and throws a couple of punches.


Kamek and Kammy (Team Broomstick, if you don’t remember) are on top of the Palace of Shadow.

Kamek: Now, you’re POSITIVE he’ll be under this exact spot?

Kammy: About 50/50.

Kamek: … Good enough.

The two blast their way through the ceiling (or floor, depending on how you look at it)… and land right beside the battle, in the water. Nibbles attack them.

Kamek and Kammy: Yowch!

Joshua: … Wow, haven’t seen those guys since the Excess Express, I think.

E-Man: Should we help them?

Everyone: Nah.

Joshua: Let’s continue teh rumble. Use Anti Bounce!

Anti Guy does his attack from Paper Mario that did 12. However, he misses and lands on his head.

E-Man: Ice Breath!

Anti Guy is frozen.

Joshua: D’oh.

E-Man: Stockpile!

Joshua: Aw, not again…

Bonetail begins charging and raising its defence.

Joshua: Anti Flash!

Nothing happens. Bonetail stops charging.

E-Man: Megabreath!

The Megabreath breaks the ice and sends Anti Guy slamming into a wall for obviously heavy damage. He somehow finds the strength to stand up, and gets into a battle stance.

Joshua: Anti Bounce!

Anti Guy jumps as high as he can and lands on Bonetail’s head.

Joshua: Now use Power Bounce!

Anti Guy continues to bounce on Bonetail’s head.

E-Man: Shake him off!

Bonetail flies in the air and loop-de-loops, making Anti Guy fall. He somehow grabs onto Bonetail’s… tail.

E-Man: How predictable. Loop-de-loop again.

Joshua: Anti Pound!

Ms. Mowz: … He’s just making attacks up as he goes along and putting “Anti” in front of them, isn’t he?

Joshua: Mayyyyyybe…

Ms. Mowz: …

Anti Guy lets go of Bonetail’s tail and ground pounds his head.

Joshua: Power Bounce!

E-Man: Bonetail’s getting creamed!

Joshua: Not really. Anti Guy’s just chipping away at his health. You used Stockpile, which raised your defence, remember?

E-Man: Oh yeah… Why would you tell me that?

Joshua: ‘Cause it’s no fun watching an opponent sweat for me. Perspiration just stinks.

E-Man: True…

Joshua: Anti Flash!

The lightning attack strikes Bonetail for high damage.

E-Man: But I raised my defence!

Joshua: Yes, but not your SPECIAL defence. Anti Flash is a special move.

E-Man: D’oh.

Joshua: You’re in the Elite Four, you should know this stuff!

E-Man: Silence, non-believer!

Joshua: …

E-Man: Use Ice Breath again!

Joshua: Anti Flash!

If you can’t figure out what happens (as usual), then you are clearly not a fan of this lame FF… or remotely intelligent. THE ATTACKS COLLIDED IN MIDAIR AND EXPLODED. Duh…

Joshua: What’s the matter with the narrator?

My wife’s divorcing me for another narrator. I’m very stressed. I feel like crying.

Joshua: If you do, you’re fired.


Joshua: Now then…

E-Man: Steel Wing!

Joshua: Dodge it!

Anti Guy narrowly jumps over the attack and Bonetail crashes into the same wall he knocked Anti Guy into. This knocks him out.

Joshua: Yes!

E-Man: No! Return. I guess I’m down to my last dragon. Go… Czar Dragon (Dragon/Fire)!

Joshua: Ok… I haven’t played Super Mario RPG… It never came to the UK, and I never had a SNES. So if the author screws up the attacks here, sorry.

E-Man: Flame Wall!

The self-explanatory attack KO’s Anti Guy.

Joshua: Go, S Bro!

He puffs and pants a little, but he seems ok.

E-Man: Hmm. This will be good. Use Flame Wall, again!

Joshua: Use Ice Smash on yourself!

Everyone: WHAT?!

S Bro looks bewildered, but obeys. The ice freezes him, but then the Flame Wall strikes, melting it. Ergo, S Bro is unaffected by the attack.

Ms. Mowz: Genius!

Joshua: I know.

E-Man: Yes, that was quite clever. But now, it’s over! Dragon Claw!

The colossal dragon slashes at the Sledge Brother but he instinctively defends with his hammer. They struggle for a minute, but Czar Dragon overpowers the exhausted Brother. It’s KO’d.

Joshua: Dang, two in a row?! Go, Petey!

The colossal Piranha Plant prepares for battle.

Joshua: … Why are you using the word “colossal” so much today?

I’m bored.

Joshua: … Whatever.

However… the Czar Dragon glows and evolves to Zombone (Ghost/Dragon)!

Joshua: Ah nuts. He must’ve gained experience from defeating S Bro and Anti Guy!

E-Man: Sounds about right. Let’s use Boulder.

Joshua: Twister!

The Twister catches the rock and smashes it back into Zombone.

E-Man: Clever, I should’ve expected that. Use Flame Wall!

Joshua: Nuts! Dodge it!

Petey flies straight up, and the fire just singes his leg, if you can call it that…

Joshua: Sweet, now, use Mud Bomb!

E-Man: Boulder to defend, then Scream!

Ms. Mowz: Scream is a move that inflicts a random status ailment on the opponent. Not good.

The Boulder and mud collide, stopping each other, and the Scream hits Petey… but nothing happens.

All: …

E-Man: I guess it was going to poison him.

Joshua: But as a Poison type, Petey can’t get poisoned… Score one for the bad guys!

E-Man: What?!

Joshua: Do you really consider me a good guy?

E-Man: Well… no.

Joshua: Didn’t think so. Now, Petey, Leaf Blade!

E-Man: Dragon Claw!

Petey manages to overpower Zombone’s claw, and strikes its forehead repeatedly. Zombone howls in pain.

E-Man: Shake it off, and use Flame Wall!

Zombone flicks its head up to get rid of Petey, and hits him with a full-powered Flame Wall.

Joshua: Use Twister to extinguish the flames!

He does so, and comes back down to the ground.

E-Man: Finish it, Flame Wall!

Joshua: Ha! Twister!

This time, the Twister sucks the flames in, and engulfs Zombone in a flaming tornado.

E-Man: No!

Joshua: LEAF BLADE!!!

Petey’s leaves glow, then he shoots forward in slow motion and slashes through the tornado, and hits Zombone for the KO.

E-Man: … I guess you win.

Joshua: I guess I do.

The two teenagers shake hands.

E-Man: Good luck against the Champion. Be ready for anything.

Joshua: I will. Farewell.

The Z-Team leave the room, and enter the throne room, where they meet… Find out, after this break! (Again, you thought I forgot about that!)

Who’s that Plitémon?

It’s… Zombone!

Zombone: ZOM!!!

… Luigi. Oh face it, you knew it as well as I did.

Joshua: Narrate right, or don’t narrate at all.

… Dang.

Luigi: So, you finally came.

Joshua: I got held up by some stupid Elite Wizzerd.

Random Elite Wizzerd in a full body cast: I just wanted to know what time it was!

Joshua: LIAH!

Joshua throws the Elite Wizzerd through the wall.

Koops: Thank DAD for running gags.

Luigi: Right… So, you know who I am, the leader of Team Broomstick, AND the Plitémon Champion. Basically, I pwn.

Joshua: YOU SAID “pwn”! YOU MUST DIE!

Luigi: Time for the battle of the bad guys. Joshua, almost everything bar the gyms you’ve faced? Because of me. I knew this day would come, I knew we would eventually fight. And I want a real battle. I don’t want to obliterate you in three seconds. I want you to put up a fight. I sent Kamek and Kammy after you repeatedly. I had a professor create the Shadow Tribal Guy to battle you. I sent the Rogue Trainers to Keelhaul Key to lure you there. All to train you… for this battle. So… are you ready?

Joshua has fallen asleep.

Everyone Else: …

Joshua wakes up.

Joshua: Sorry, you’re just long-winded. What’d you ask me?

Luigi: … I said, are you ready to battle me?

Joshua: Oh. As I’ll ever be.

Luigi: Then let it begin. 6-on-6. Go, Lakitu (Flying)!

Joshua: I choose Skyboy!

Luigi: A battle of the skies it is, then!

Chapter 45: The Final Battle… For Now… (Part 1)

Joshua: So, I beat E-Man, we discovered the Champion is Luigi, who explained… stuff, and now we’re moving on to the final battle. Now then. CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!!

That “Charge” song plays.

Luigi: Spiny Flip!

Joshua: Climb!

Skyboy flies up, dodging the Spiny.

Luigi: Ok, Spiny Flip, and aim for the Sky Guy’s balloons!

Joshua: No! Intercept with Bomb Toss!

The bomb misses the Spiny, but the explosion causes some splash damage to Lakitu. The Spiny hits one of Skyboy’s balloons, causing him to lose height. He also loses speed.

Joshua: This will be tough… I wonder why no one thought of going for the balloons before.

Luigi: Because I like fighting dirty.

Joshua: I know, it’s great, isn’t it? Now then, Maskarang!

Luigi: Hurricane.

The hurricane blows the mask right back at Skyboy, but he dodges.

Joshua: Everything I do is useless…

Luigi: I know all your moves, thanks to Kamek and Kammy! Lakitu, use Spiny Surge!

Lakitu launches off many Spinies at Skyboy.

Joshua: (No time to dodge!) Meteor Headbutt! Blow right through those guys!

Skyboy does so, actually knocking a lot of the Spinies back into Lakitu for serious damage. Skyboy then smashes into Lakitu for the KO.

Luigi: Nice trick. It won’t work twice, though. Not that you’ll have that opportunity. Now, go, Amp (Steel/Electric)!

Joshua: Against my Flying type, that makes sense. Better retreat.

Luigi: Lightning Barrier!

Joshua tries to recall Skyboy, but Amp emits electricity that creates an arena around them. Joshua’s recall fails.

Luigi: Lightning Barrier stops us from switching out until one of us goes down.

Joshua: Well, I’ll just make the most of it. Bomb Toss!

Luigi: Dodge, and Thunderbolt.

Amp takes splash damage from the explosion, but Thunderbolt hits and heavily wounds Skyboy.

Luigi: Let’s finish this with Gyro Ball.

Joshua: Meteor Headbutt!

They collide, stupid explosion, wall destroyed, Skyboy down. You know the drill. The Lightning Barrier also dissipates.

Joshua: Ok, return, Skyboy. Go, Steel!

Luigi: Lightning Barrier!

Joshua: Locked in again? No problem. Steel, use Earthquake!

Luigi: Magnet Rise!

Amp uses the power of magnetism to rise into the air. The earthquake does not affect him.

Luigi: You’ll have to do better than that.

Joshua: Meteor Mash!

Steel smashes into Amp.

Luigi: Gyro Ball.

Amp spins around quickly and smashes into Steel.

Luigi: The slower the Plitémon, the stronger Gyro Ball is. Now, Thunderbolt!


Joshua: Not good… All right, use Rock Tomb!

The rocks surround Amp, trapping him.

Joshua: Now… Meteor Mash, FULL POWAH!


Joshua: … I swear, if you put that “KA” prefix in front of one more thing, I’m gonna tear you a new bellybutton!


Joshua: Better.

Amp is KO’d. The lighting barrier goes down.

Luigi: Time for… Sumo Bro (Fighting/Ground)!

Joshua: Nuts, type-trumping again. Come back, Steel.

Steel returns to its ball.

Joshua: I choose A-Bomb.

Joshua’s Atomic Boo takes the field.

Joshua: Boo Gale!

Luigi: Protect.

A-Bomb shoots many Boos at Sumo Bro, but it throws up a green barrier around itself and defends.

Joshua: Ok, once you’ve used Protect, it might not work again for a little while. Boo Gale, again!

Luigi: Punch them!

Sumo Bro begins punching at the Boos, which instinctively turn intangible and simply pass through him.

Luigi: Now, Thunder Stomp!

Sumo pounds his foot on the ground, and lightning strikes A-Bomb.

Joshua: Sweet zombie carrots! That’s insane!

Everyone except Joshua: “Zombie carrots”…?

Joshua: Don’t ask. Anyway, use Shadow Ball!

Sumo is actually hit for once, and it slides back a few paces.

Luigi: Hmm… Your power is impressive.

Joshua: Er… Thanks, I guess. Now, Shadow Ball, again!

Luigi: Catch it, and throw it right back!

Sumo grabs the ball in midair, and throws it into A-Bomb’s face for the knockout.

Joshua: Dang. I really thought I had you. Oh well. Return, A-Bomb. And go, S Bro!

Luigi: Ah, a battle of Brothers, is it? Very well. Close Combat!

Joshua: Close Combat!

The Brothers begin to trade blows. The battle is intense, and a little like something you’d see on Dragonball Z. S Bro smacks Sumo into a wall, but Sumo rebounds and brings both fists down on S Bro’s shoulders, knocking him to the ground, but S Bro sweeps Sumo’s feet, and they struggle to get up. S Bro throws Sumo straight up into the air, and jumps to punch him, but Sumo brings his foot down on S Bro’s helmet and lightning strikes him, knocking him back down to the ground. Sumo prepares to crush him with his fall, but S Bro rolls out of the way, and Sumo hurts his feet. S Bro charges Sumo into the same wall from earlier, then throws him skyward. Sumo attempts to crush him again, but S Bro again dodges, and Sumo hurts his feet again. S Bro finishes the battle by clubbing Sumo with his hammer for the KO.

Joshua: That was the longest description of a fight I’ve ever done, I think.

Luigi: … That was one of the coolest fights I’ve ever seen! Come back Sumo Bro; that was an excellent job. So then, it’s your four, versus my three. Shall we continue?

Joshua: Oh, definitely…

Chapter 45: The Final Battle… For Now… (Part 2)

Joshua: Well, last time, we began the battle with the Champion, Luigi. Skyboy defeated his Lakitu, but was quickly beaten by his Amp. Amp then went down to Steel, who I recalled in favor of A-Bomb against his Sumo Bro, but it lost. I then chose S Bro, and, after an arduous battle, he won. And now, we’re moving on.

Luigi: Go, Dark Koopatrol! Also known as… Frank!

Joshua: …

Author: We haven’t had much humor since that Elite Wizzerd gag, so I gave Luigi’s Dark Koopatrol the name “Frank”.

Joshua: … This is the Champion battle. Do we REALLY need some humor?

Author: YES!

Joshua: … I hate my pitiful existence.

Author: Just get on with the battle.

Luigi: Frank, use Shell Shot!

Frank gets in his shell and starts shooting all over the place, rebounding off walls and confusing S Bro.

Joshua: Spin Smash!

S Bro whirls around with his hammer, and eventually, Frank crashes into it. Frank takes major damage due to the X4 fighting weakness (he’s Dark/Steel).

Luigi: All right, Frank, use Spike Cannon!

Joshua: Hammer Rain!

S Bro: ???

Joshua: … Whoops, I’ve been playing too much Tales of Symphonia again. I meant “Hammer Barrage”.

Note: Hammer Rain is a technique from Tales of Symphonia that Colette, one of the party members, learns. The author is, admittedly, completely obsessed with that game. IT’S JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

S Bro throws hammers that collide with Frank’s spikes. They knock each other out of the air.

Luigi: Frank, pick up one of those hammers and smash him!

Frank swings the hammer like a baseball bat, and S Bro hits the wall, knocked out.

Joshua: Y’know, S Bro was the first Plitémon I caught.

Luigi: Yeah, same here with Frank. Anyway, choose your next Plitémon.

Joshua: Fine, I choose Steel.

Steel looks somewhat tired, but fit to continue.

Joshua: Meteor Mash!

Luigi: Focus Punch!

WHAM! Steel somersaults over Frank, but hurts his foot on the spiky shell. However, he still causes serious damage.

Joshua: Follow up with Earthquake!

The seismic waves cause Frank to be launched into the air, and Steel repeatedly Meteor Mashes his exposed underbelly.

Luigi: Berserker Fist!

Frank swings his fists everywhere, but Steel manages to dodge smoothly. However, he is backed into a corner.

Luigi: Ha. Finish him with Focus Punch.

Joshua: Wow, you’re stupid.

Luigi: Huh?

Joshua: Jump!

Steel jumps, causing the punch to miss. Frank hurts his hand on the wall.

Joshua: Meteor Mash!

WHAM! A Meteor Mash from that height on the head, even if it is protected by a helmet = knockout.


Joshua: Overreact much?

Luigi: You will pay for that! Go, Fuzzy (Yoshi’s Island, Poison/Flying)!

Everyone except Joshua: Touch Fuzzy, get dizzy, yay!

Joshua: … The wall between sanity and insanity is gone…


Doopliss jumps out a convenient window, but reappears just because I said so.

Luigi: All right, Fuzzy, sweep down.

Joshua: Dodge it, and use Rock Tomb!

Steel cannot dodge, and becomes dizzy.

Steel: ToUCh fUZZy, GeT DIzzY, YAY!!!

Joshua: … Not you too…

The “Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy” music starts playing. It is revealed that Koops is playing it from a stereo. Joshua smashes it with a baseball bat.


Steel staggers around drunkenly.

Luigi: Fuzzy, use Air Blade!

Fuzzy launches a cutting wind at Steel. This causes him to fly into the wall for the KO.

Joshua: Sweet move. Return! Go, Anti Guy!

Luigi: Toxic and Confuse Ray!

Joshua: Dodge ‘em both, and use Anti Flash!

The lightning zaps Fuzzy, and Anti Guy dodges the poison blobs, but not the Confuse Ray.

Anti Guy: ToUCh fUZZy, GeT DIzzY, YAY!!!


Fuzzy touches Anti Guy.

Joshua: Oh, for crying out loud… Use Anti Bounce.

Anti Guy smacks himself in the face. Joshua bangs his head against the wall.

Joshua: Why – does – the – author – hate – me - so?!

Luigi: Air Blade!

WHOOSH! The confused Anti Guy jumps over the attack and pounds Fuzzy’s head.

Joshua: Whoo, I finally got a break!

Luigi: Toxic.

Anti Guy is now poisoned and confused.

Joshua: … Obviously.

Luigi: Air Blade!

Joshua: Anti Flash?

Anti Guy snaps out of his confusion, and the lightning strikes Fuzzy. However, the Air Blade strikes Anti Guy, and both fall.

Joshua: Wow. Return. I choose my final Plitémon, Petey!

Luigi: And I choose my very first Plitémon also… Phantom Ember (Fire/Ghost)!

Joshua: Oh no…

Luigi: Oh yes. Phantom Ember was my first Plitémon, I got him from Frankly when he was just a Lava Bubble. Well then, ready for the final showdown?

Joshua: Yes. Let’s do this. Petey, use Mud Bomb!

Luigi: Shadow Ball!

The mud stops the Shadow Ball and they mix in midair. It falls to the ground.

Joshua: Leaf Blade!

Luigi: Flame Wheel!

Petey’s leaves glow, and Phantom Ember creates a ball of flame around himself. (Is that necessary? He is a flame…) The two clash, but Petey, with his higher Attack stat, manages to overpower Phantom Ember. However, he still takes damage due to the flames.

Joshua: Follow up with Twister!

Luigi: Flamethrower into the twister, at full power!

The flames are absorbed into the twister, which is pushed back against Petey, trapping him for major damage.

Joshua: Break through it with Leaf Blade!

Petey is unable to do so, and takes damage.

Joshua: Hmm… Idea! Use Mud Bomb on yourself!

Petey does so, coating himself in mud.

Joshua: Now, ride the twister right to the top!

Using the mud to protect himself from the heat, Petey rides the twister to the top, and uses Crunch on Phantom Ember.

Luigi: No! That should’ve finished him!

Ms. Mowz: Now THAT was a strategy!

Koops: I can’t believe how strong a trainer he’s become!

Bobbery: Victory is in sight, Joshua! Go for the win!

Luigi: You really think you’ve won?! Oh, poor fool. Phantom Ember, use Shadow Ball.

Joshua: Twister!

Luigi: As I expected. Flame Wheel!

The Twister catches the Shadow Ball and throws it back at Phantom Ember, but Flame Wheel sucks it up as its power increases. Petey takes serious damage from the souped-up wheel, but hangs in there.

Luigi: Ack! Won’t you just go down already?!

Joshua: Petey’s too hard-headed to give up that easily.

Luigi: Then I guess we’ll just have to go all out. Phantom Ember, use Blast Burn!

Ms. Mowz: Blast Burn is the most powerful Fire attack… Joshua, get Petey out of there!

Joshua: Time for our secret weapon. Petey, use Frenzy Plant!

Koops: The most powerful Grass attack?!

Phantom Ember shoots a large fireball at Petey, who summons vines from the ground that defend against it and strike Phantom Ember.

Joshua: (in Mortal Kombat voice) FINISH HIM! (in normal voice) Twister, combined with Leaf Blade!

Petey summons a Twister, and jumps inside it to increase the speed and power of his Leaf Blade. He uses this to KO Phantom Ember.

Luigi: My… my Phantom Ember… I lost… Fine. But this ancient palace shall be your tomb!

Luigi pulls out a remote and pushes a button on it, which causes the Palace of Shadow to begin collapsing.

Joshua: &%*^!!!

Ms. Mowz, Koops, Doopliss and Bobbery run around, screaming like little girls.

Doopliss: (in a suddenly deep voice) Koops! Get to the choppa!


Doopliss: I dunno, it’s just something people say.

Koops: …

Joshua: … Well, on the bright side, no more critics! And, NO SEQUEL, WOO!!!

The author suddenly comes flying down on the back of a phoenix.

Author: I got the budget back! All I had to do was get sponsorship by saying this: “Save money on your car insurance by switching to Geico!”

Joshua: Insurance, eh… Wait, I’m gonna live! That means I have to do the sequel after all! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The author’s phoenix grabs everyone and flies out of the Palace, ignoring the Elite 4 members who are crushed under rubble.


Joshua can be seen standing on top of a random mountain, with Petey, S Bro, Steel, Skyboy, A-Bomb, and Anti Guy standing behind him.

Joshua (singing): I've paid my dues…
Time after time…
I've done my sentence,
But committed no crime…
And bad mistakes,
I've made a few…
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face…
But I've come through!

Joshua and his Plitémon: We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting, ‘til the end…
We are the champions,
We are the champions,
No time for losers,
'Cause we are the champions… of the world…

Joshua (solo): I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls…
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it,
I thank you all.
But it's been no bed of roses,
No pleasure cruise…
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race…
And I ain't gonna lose!

Joshua and Plitémon: We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting, ‘til the end…
We are the champions,
We are the champions,
No time for losers,
'Cause we are the champions… of the world…


Luigi is seen walking up behind him, charging a Thunderhand.

Luigi: I’ve found you… You shouldn’t have won; you’ve taken everything from me! My title… my fame… I’ve even lost Team Broomstick!

Joshua: And you’re sad that you lost those guys because…?

Luigi: … DIE!

Luigi lunges at Joshua, but he sidesteps and roundhouse kicks Luigi, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the mountain.


Joshua: Dang! … He’s not gonna be in the sequel!

So, you wanna know what happened to everyone next? No? TOUGH!

Joshua: Revelled in his fame for a while… until the sequel…

Ms. Mowz: Taken to a mental institute because of her irrational love of badges. Broke out, and vanished from the Rogueport area…

Koops: Went back to Petalburg, but he and the town were eaten by the same dragon from Chapter 2.

Doopliss: Went back to the gym in Creepy Steeple, and saved money on his insurance by switching to Auhsoj Finances… before his bank account was mysteriously emptied…

Bobbery: Began sailing again, but took Poison Mushrooms during one voyage and was arrested for Poison-sailing (equivalent of drink-driving).

Frankly: Went on as normal.

Luigi: Dead.

Other Gym Leaders: Went on as normal.

Elite 4: Died when the Palace of Shadow collapsed, but E-Man and Sam were carrying a 1-Up Mushroom each at the time, and were revived.

Kamek and Kammy: Eaten by Nibbles.

Team Broomstick: After Luigi lost, they disbanded, realizing that he was a jerk.

Author: Went temporarily insane, believing he was an armchair, before realizing that he was already insane before, and started work on the sequel.

One final Author’s note: Well, it’s been 2 years in the making, but it’s finally done. Plitémon 1 is complete. I started work on this when I was 13, and now I’m 15, so obviously, my writing style changed slightly. Anyway, thanks to everyone who voted it into Little Lemmy’s Land and kept me going, encouraging me to finish this. Look out for the first part of the sequel, “Plitémon 2: South of the Border! Now With Contests!” to be up sometime this summer!


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