Maguskoopa: Once and For All! You know you gotta love it! Our winners of the insertion contest will be down the FF a ways. For now, let me show you the next task at hand.
Maguskoopa is shown standing in front of a huge mansion.
Maguskoopa: This is… Maguskoopa Manor. It is filled with portals of all kinds to different worlds. Your contest today is…
MARIO KART MISH-MOSH!
Maguskoopa: Your team must find a portal and jump in. There is usually some clue to what the theme of the world is. When you’re there, you’ll receive raw materials via relativity pigeon. Then, you must build a Mario Kart track. Our guest judges will then decide which track is the best! So, get going!
…
…
…
Maguskoopa: Well, that’s enough for practice!
Two hours later…
Maguskoopa: … So, get going!
Roy: GO GO GO!
Lemmy: LET’S GOOOOOOO!
Everyone: AUUUUGH!
CRASH! The rampaging teams create a hole in the door.
Maguskoopa: Well then… Time to eat cookies!
TEAM LUDWIG
Melody: Wah! What are we doing up here?
Dr. Shroob: So this is what you primitive Plitians use to stargaze. How interesting.
Ludwig: Yeah… a little too interesting. I wonder what that telescope is trained at.
Ludwig looks through the telescope to see…
Ludwig: AUGH! The lens is all smudged! I’ll have to clean it.
The team follow Ludwig to the top of the telescope. Ludwig twists the lens off and peers in.
Ludwig: Huh… It doesn’t look like a telescope…
Fawful: Yes… this team will win over everything like beans from a fabulous cow made of jewels! We shall control them like puppets inside a puppet show INSIDE a puppet show! EYAHAHA!
Melody: All right, that’s it.
SWIPE!
Fawful: Ha! You mi–
Fawful is shown unbalanced, right over the open telescope.
Fawful: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Suddenly, a vacuum inhales the other three members into the disguised cannon. It fires, sending Team Ludwig who knows where.
Team Ludwig: AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
TEAM LEMMY
Lemmy: THE KITCHEN?! Why are we in the kitchen?
Crystal King: I was hungry.
Glurp: Glurp. (So was I.)
Sir Weston: And it’s a good thing we’re here, too! Some ungrateful little swine put their graffiti all over this wall!
Lemmy: Wait. Graffiti?
A wall is shown with paint splattered on it in a giant “M”.
Lemmy: That’s it! Sir Weston, would you mind spraying water on that paint?
Sir Weston: Not at all, old chap, as it is my civil duty!
Sir Weston finds a nearby hose and sprays the “M”. It sucks the entire party in, SMS style.
TEAM ROY
Roy: Aha! I knew there was a secret altar over here!
A crypt with statues of pointy-haired people guarding the entrance stands in front of the team. An inscription reads…
Iron Cleft: “Blue… Wizard… Needs… Food… Badly.”
Biff: Eh?
Iron Cleft: Oh, let’s just go in.
Our intrepid team goes into the altar. Inside is a treasure chest.
Rawk Hawk: Yeah! RAWK IT! I can use that treasure to buy myself another plane!
Rawk Hawk opens the chest.
Roy: Phew, nothing hap–
VWOOOOOOOOO! The chest sucks in the team.
TEAM IGGY
Iggy: Wow! A toy room!
Madame Clairvoya: Say… this looks a lot like Henry and Orville’s room.
And it is, but instead of the cars and planes, there’s a giant castle made out of wooden blocks. A nasty-looking cannon, also made of wooden blocks, points out the window.
Manta Storm: …
Iggy: YAY! Time for the level!
Iggy jumps into the cannon…
Madame Clairvoya: NOOOOO!
…which collapses instantly.
Iggy: What?! There’s no cannon at all?!
Duplighost: This makes me so mad… I could kick this wooden block!
BAM!
Duplighost: OW! OW! PAIN!
Duplighost hops on one foot through (yes, THROUGH) a painting of a castle.
…
Iggy: DAHHHHHH! WHY DIDN’T WE THINK OF THAT BEFORE?!
The rest of the team leap through the painting.
TEAM WENDY
Wendy: Ooh, a fountain!
Team Wendy jump in… well, that was certainly anticlimactic.
TEAM MORTON
Morton: Yesthereisaportalsomewherehereiknowitsowhereisittherehas
tobeaportalhereiwonderwhereitishmifiwasaportalwherewouldihide…
Tutankoopa: PLEASE… HAVE… MERCY!!!
Pokey: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Pokey attempts to hit his head on a wall, but gets sucked into it.
Morton: Ohitslikethatdesertlevelinsupermario64isntitmanireallyhate
thatleveltheresquicksandandpokeysandmorequicksandandgiant
stonehandthingies…
PUSH! FLOOP!
Tutankoopa: Yeesh.
FLOOP! FLOOP!
TEAM LARRY
Larry: What on Plit is this room?
Team Larry is in a large room that has many album covers in it. In the middle of the room stands a large jukebox.
Crayzee Dayzee: Well, because we’re simply adapted Nintendo characters personified within our author’s computer, this room is probably the personification of his Itunes ™ song list.
…
Crayzee Dayzee: I mean, um, “B is for bran, that’s, like, totally good enough for me, man!”
Jarvis: But how do we know what to do here?
Larry: Well, I have an idea…
Larry runs up to Maguskoopa’s favorite song and presses the button below it. The jukebox explodes and a warp pipe is revealed.
Jarvis: What is Maguskoopa’s favorite song? It sounds embarrassing.
Larry: It’s–
Larry tells them. They jump in the pipe.
Audience: Awwwwwwwww.
PHASE ONE END
Maguskoopa: For all you people out there, this competition is divided into three phases. One, the search; two, the construction; and three, the judging. Phase one has just ended, and we’re well on our way to phase two. Let’s go to Mo for the standings. Mo?
Mo: Thank you, Mi–Maguskoopa. So far, the teams have received their materials by relativity pigeon, and we’re just beginning the construction phase.
Maguskoopa: Thanks, Mo. We’ll go to phase two, right after I eat this delicious, mouthwatering strawberry shortca–
SWIPE!
Maguskoopa: HEY! Come back here, you stupid mouse!
PHASE TWO
TEAM LUDWIG
Melody: Does anyone have an idea about what to do here? It’s just empty space… and a giant paintbrush.
Ludwig: I don’t have any ideas… Wait… what color is the paint?
Melody: It’s some rainbow-y thing.
Fawful: WHAAAAAA! That’s… that’s…
Dr. Shroob: So this is the infamous “Rainbow Road”. Interesting.
Melody: WHA?!
Ludwig: Don’t you get it? We’ve gotten the opportunity to create the hardest course in the Mario Kart series! The one where your math teacher gets a world record! We can get away with practically everything! Loops, corkscrews, hairpin turns, Chomps…
Fawful: Lagser cagnnons, migselles…
Dr. Shroob: You might want to clean the saliva off, Fawful.
TEAM LEMMY
Crystal King: This is really boring.
Lemmy: You said it! We’ll never get anywhere with a generic snow course! It makes me so mad, I’m unbalanced… Wait! Ack! AUUUUGH!
FLUMP!
Sir Weston: Ow, that had to hurt.
Lemmy: Uh? This snow tastes funny.
Crystal King: Pollution ruins everything! DANG YOU ACID SNOW!
Lemmy: No, funny in a good way. It’s almost like it’s… Wait a minute.
Lemmy tastes more of the “snow”.
Lemmy: It is! The snow is made… of… ICE CREAM!
Team Lemmy: HOODY HOO!
Glurp: Glurp, gluuuuurp glurp.
Lemmy: That’s a great idea! BRING OUT THE GIANT ICE CREAM SCOOP!
TEAM ROY
Team Roy appears on a giant airship.
Iron Cleft: Cool! Is this like that awesome course in MKDS?
Roy: Oh, man, I loved that course. It even used my doomship!
Iron Cleft: … That was YOUR doomship?
Roy: Actually, it could have been Iggy’s. That WOULD explain all the flamethrowers.
Rawk Hawk: What are we doing? We’re losing RAWWWWWWKIN’ time!
Suddenly, a guy with spiky hair appears out of nowhere.
Guy: Time… Memories… Lost…
Roy: GAH!
Five minutes later…
Roy: Higher… higher… a little to the left… perfect! FIRE!
BOOM!
Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH–
CRASH! The guy slams into a billboard.
Biff: Nice aim. I’m glad that cannon was there.
Roy: Thanks! Now let’s get working on this stupid course!
TEAM IGGY
Duplighost: ARGH! Every time we get a piece of track, we end up at a window!
Iggy: Hey! What if we did a bunch of those rotating bars from King Dad’s course in MKDS?
Madame Clairvoya: Allow me to present this informative movie on that subject.
ROTATING MKDS BARS AND YOU!
Announcer: Meet Timmy Johnson. Timmy has just managed to get, in MKDS, to Bowser’s Castle.
Timmy: Gee willikers! What’s this bar?
Timmy attempts to cross the bar, but fails.
Timmy: Oh well, at least there was only–
Timmy now faces not one, but five rotating bars. Over lava.
Timmy: ARGH! I HATE THIS STUPID GAME!
Announcer: So remember, more than one bar is suicide if you happen to be in a crazy contest to win the Koopa throne and you’re trying to build a racetrack, but every time you try to create track, there’s a window.
END TRANSMISSION.
Iggy: Ah. But what about (whispering) rhubarbrhubarbmumblemumble.
Manta Storm: …
Iggy: Sounds good to me!
TEAM WENDY
Wendy: Hmmm… Put that pillar over there.
Hermie III: On it, mith!
The camera zooms out to reveal that Team Wendy actually built a recreation of a lost temple that had sunk underwater.
Starkiss: We need more posh fabulousness! How about a disco ball?
POW! Wendy punches Starkiss onto the starting gate.
Starkiss: I’ll take that as a no…
Miss Petunia: Okay! Everything looks good!
Wendy: Heh. This one I’m sure to win!
TEAM MORTON
Morton: Mff mf mfff mf mf.
Tutankoopa: On it!
Morton: Mfff mf mff mf.
Pokey: Okay.
Audience: POKEY! POKEY! POKEY!
Morton: Mf. MFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
Mr. Luggs: Nope, the sock’s not coming out until the scoring’s over.
Tutankoopa: The lava’s been excavated! Where should I put the track?
Morton: Mf, mfff mf mf.
Tutankoopa: Oooh, I’d have never thought of that!
TEAM LARRY
Larry: Argh! Stupid walls!
Team Larry is in a weird hallway that keeps changing color and moving up and down. Music keeps playing, in time to the lights.
Crayzee Dayzee: Woah… psychedelic.
Larry: HEY! YOU STUPID FLOWER! GET THOSE ITEM BOXES HERE STAT!
Crayzee Dayzee: Where’s the love, man? Where’s the love?
Larry: ARGH! I… HAVE… HAD… ENOUGH… OF… YOU!
BOOT!
Crayzee Dayzee gets booted by Larry… Wow, dejá vu!
Crayzee Dayzee: OW! OOF! OUCH! EEK! ARGH!
Upon seeing Crayzee Dayzee get bounced from wall to wall in a seeming lack of gravity, Jarvis gets an idea.
Jarvis: I have an idea!
I just said that, you twit!
Jarvis: *sigh* In any case, here’s my idea…
PHASE TWO END
Maguskoopa: Well, that’s what we’ve got so far. Before we look at the tracks and test them, though, let’s see our TOURIST JUDGES!
Judge 1: Geno
(A tourist)
Likes: Cannons
Quote: “Mario
Kart… excellent.”
Judge 2: Shadow
Matt
Likes: Special
items
Quote: “THERE’S
A SPOON IN MY EAR!”
Judge 3: Arttimo
Likes: Turbos,
cannons
Quote: “Mario
Kart! All right! I’ve been waiting for new courses!”
Judge 4: Shadow
Yoshi
Likes: Cannons
(…)
Quote: “For great
justice!”
Maguskoopa: What an interesting lineup! And I’m sure that they don’t have any overlapping interests! In any case, these four judges will run a race on all seven courses. We’ll show you the race highlights and the scores, which is on a scale of 1 to 5 for each judge. At the end, the Koopaling with the most total points wins! Mo?
Mo: Thank you, Mi–MAGUSKOOPA. All of the teams have finished building their tracks, and the judges are on their way to Team Larry’s course.
Maguskoopa: Great! And now that we’re only showing clips here, I can enjoy my nice strawberry shortcake, which I just took back!
Maguskoopa fails to notice until the last second that a cane reached out and stole the cake.
Maguskoopa: HEY! COME BACK HERE!
TEAM LARRY– LARRY’S SONIC CIRCUS
The track looks basically the same after the remodeling, save for the 15 or so turbo patches that propel the contestants into the walls, which defy gravity somehow. Other than that, the track’s quite generic.
HIGHLIGHT
Geno is slightly ahead of the rest, and goes off a turbo. This propels him across the corridor, however…
Shadow Yoshi: I must win! For great justice!
SHOOM! SY goes off a turbo and collides with Geno. Upside down.
Geno: HEY! ACK!
CRASH! SMASH! BASH!
Arttimo: OH NO!
Shadow Matt: SPOON!
The karts form a huge jam, but Arttimo uses a lightning bolt, squashes everyone, and drives away.
Shadow Yoshi: That was cheating! For great justice!
Geno: … Do you EVER stop saying that?
SCORE
Geno: 3
Shadow Matt:
3
Arttimo: 5
Shadow Yoshi:
3
Total: 14/20
Larry: Argh!
TEAM MORTON-MORTON’S GRITTY GRIDIRON
And by “Gridiron”, we mean it in the literal sense. The whole track is made up of crisscrossed metal bars over lava, dotted with jumps, hairpin turns, and a single cannon. The track is located in a desert at nighttime.
HIGHLIGHT
Arttimo and Geno are neck-and neck for first place. Shadow Matt shoots out of the cannon, far behind.
Shadow Matt: THIS IS FOR THE DIBBLER!
Shadow Matt shoots a Lightning Bolt. Arttimo gets hit, but Geno does a nifty midair dodge, avoids the lightning, and knocks Arttimo into the lava, also causing the lightning to arc up the track (it’s made of metal, after all) and shock Shadow Matt. He also falls into the lava.
Geno: Haha! No one can stop–
KABOOM! Geno gets blasted off the track by a well-placed Bob-omb.
Shadow Yoshi: For great justice!
SY zooms ahead.
SCORES
Geno: 4
Shadow Matt:
4
Arttimo: 3
Shadow Yoshi:
2
Total: 13/20
Morton: Whydidyougivemeabadscorewedidthebestwecould–
KA-SOCK!
Shadow Yoshi: There just wasn’t enough excitement. For great justice!
TEAM WENDY– WENDY’S SALTWATER CITY
As it was said before, the track is made up of salt-encrusted pillars and decimated buildings, including a huge temple. The track has many dangerous hairpin turns, but at least one falls off into seawater instead of lava.
HIGHLIGHT
Shadow Yoshi is speeding along, when he comes to a hairpin turn.
SY: No problem, my kart is “light”, in both weight and heart! For great justice!
Arttimo: Take that, soliloquizer!
BAM! SY is nailed by a Red Shell, and flips off the edge…
Arttimo: BOO-YAH!
Onto another piece of track farther down.
Arttimo: ARGH! I HATE THIS STUPID COURSE!
SY: Hah! Nothing can cause a hero to fall! For great jus–
Shadow Matt: ICE CREAM!
BAMMO! SY is knocked off the track by a giant shell with the words “BIG OL’ SHELL, PROPERTY OF SHADOW MATT” on it. The shell then explodes, to add injury to injury.
SY: Pain…
SCORES
Geno: 4
Shadow Matt:
3
Arttimo: 1
Shadow Yoshi:
4
Total: 12/20
TEAM IGGY–
Roy: Ha! Iggy could only win if it was called–
IGGY’S CANNON CASTLE
Roy: … WHAT?!
The track is a castle made up of eight connected towers. Each has two or three cannons coming out a window.
Iggy: YES! The judges will be SO impressed!
HIGHLIGHT
The racers zoom through the castle, blasting from cannon to cannon. Shadow Matt is in the lead.
Shadow Matt: Toast!
Shadow Matt takes out a screwdriver and angles a nearby cannon slightly off. He then uses another cannon to keep moving. Geno then catches up.
Geno: You’re not going to win.
Geno blasts out of the sabotaged cannon, causing him to smash into a nearby tower, knocking a Magikoopa out.
Magikoopa: My clairvoyance has appeared! The champion is–
The Magikoopa falls into a field of Piranha Plants and is eaten.
Audience: Awwwwwwwww.
SCORES
Geno: 5
Shadow Matt:
4
Arttimo: 5
Shadow Yoshi:
5
Total: 19/20
TEAM ROY– ROY’S ADVENT AIRSHIP
The course is a large, flying ship. Imagine MKDS’ Airship Fortress, but without the castle and a larger airship bit.
HIGHLIGHT
Arttimo is far in the lead again.
Arttimo: All right! This course is really easy!
FLOOM! A jet of flame nearly scorches Arttimo.
Arttimo: YAUGH!
SCREEEE! WHAM!
Pointy-haired Guy: HOOF!
Roy: Huh? I thought I shot that guy out of a cannon!
Maguskoopa: Plothole. Now let’s watch that replay!
Guy: HOOF!
Maguskoopa: REPLAY!
Guy: HOOF!
Maguskoopa: REPLAY! BWAHAHAHA!!!
This keeps happening until Roy hits Maguskoopa over the head with a brick.
Maguskoopa: Thanks, I needed that.
SCORES
Geno: 4
Shadow Matt:
4
Arttimo: 5
Shadow Yoshi:
4
Total: 17/20
Roy: ARRRGH! THIS CONTEST WAS RIGGED! RIGGED, I TELL YOU!
TEAM LEMMY– LEMMY’S DESSERT TASTELAND
The track starts like the normal Sherbet Land track, but it’s quickly apparent that the real track is an ice cream sundae of whale proportions, with 30 scoops of ice cream, all different flavors and each the size of a house. Hot fudge makes up the “fall zone”, and a tube cookie is a cleverly disguised cannon.
Shadow Matt: So… hungry…
HIGHLIGHT
Shadow Yoshi has a good lead, but not impossible to catch up to.
Shadow Yoshi: My virtue shall win out over all! For great justice!
Shadow Matt: Waffle!
BAM! Shadow Matt knocks Shadow Yoshi off the track with the exact same giant shell. Shadow Yoshi lands in hot fudge.
SY: Argh! Always the same– Wait, is this hot fudge? Yummy! For great justice!
SY starts eating the hot fudge as fast as he can, along with the nearest ice cream scoop.
Arttimo: Ooooh! Hot fudge!
Shadow Matt: How come he gets all the fun?
Arttimo: … Did you just say something plausible?
Shadow Matt: … I mean, HAMSTERS ON THE MOON!
The two dive into the hot fudge. Geno quickly speeds on for the win.
Geno: I’m a puppet, so I don’t have taste buds. It’s a wonder I can even eat.
SCORES
Geno: 4
Shadow Matt:
5
Arttimo: 5
Shadow Yoshi:
5
Total: 19/20
Lemmy: Yes! I’m tied for the best score!
TEAM LUDWIG– LUDWIG’S POLYCHROMATIC PSYCHOSIS
Ludwig: For those of you who can’t handle big words, it’s just the hardest Rainbow Road ever.
And so it is. It has no walls, is riddled with Chomps, and has hairpin turns, loops, corkscrews, turbos, random holes, and… missiles?
Fawful: INGENIOUS!
Maguskoopa: I could have guessed.
HIGHLIGHT
Shadow Matt and Shadow Yoshi are both on a section that’s not only filled with turbos, but also random holes.
Shadow Yoshi: You shall tremble, evildoer! For great jus–
WHAM! Shadow Matt knocks SY through a hole, but SY uses a grappling hook to latch on to Shadow Matt.
Shadow Yoshi: For great justice, you shall perish!
Shadow Matt: The best part is the cheesy crust!
The two engage in epic swordfight, involving dodges, more grappling hooks, and a cheeseburger. But finally, Shadow Matt gets the upper hand, and knocks Shadow Yoshi off the edge.
Shadow Matt: TOASTY!
Arttimo: Loser.
BAM! Arttimo launches a shell. It hits Shadow Matt and knocks him off the edge, too.
Arttimo: Epic-swordfight-camping rocks!
SCORES
Geno: 3
Shadow Matt:
4
Arttimo: 4
Shadow Yoshi:
5
Total: 16/20
Ludwig: Not the best score, but certainly not the worst.
PHASE THREE END
Maguskoopa: Let’s look at our standings now!
Ludwig: Nice coonskin hat.
Maguskoopa: Thanks, I made it myself.
6. Team Wendy
(12)
5. Team Morton
(13)
4. Team Larry
(14)
3. Team Ludwig
(16)
2. Team Roy (17)
1 (Tied) Teams
Iggy and Lemmy (19)
Maguskoopa: It looks like Team Iggy and Team Lemmy are tied! We’ll have to flip a coin!
Maguskoopa takes out a coin. One side has “LEMMY WINZORZ” on it and the other one says “IGGY IS VICTORIOUS”.
Lemmy: Hey! How come I get the chat talk?
Maguskoopa: I used “Guido’s Low Priced Custom Coin Services”. I think they made a mistake. In any case…
Maguskoopa flips the coin. It flies into the air in slow motion as the theme from 2001 plays. It seems to flip for two minutes before falling to the ground with a clang, showing…
Maguskoopa: … It looks like IGGY WINS!
Iggy: YES! WOOHOO! OH YEAH!!
Roy: ARGH! Stupid cannons…
POINT TOTALS:
Team Larry: 17
points
Team Morton:
12 points
Team Wendy: 21
points
Team Iggy: 28
points
Team Roy: 20
points
Team Lemmy: 22
points
Team Ludwig:
21 points
Maguskoopa: So it looks like Team Iggy has a solid lead, but teams Lemmy, Ludwig, Roy, and Wendy are catching up. Morton and Larry are sorely behind. See you next time on… ONCE AND FOR ALL!
To Be Continued…
PLAY MAGUSKOOPA’S TRIVIA GAME! That’s right, kiddies! This time I’ll offer two questions! Choose to answer one of them and send the answer to me on the comment form. I’ll post the first right answer to each in the next chapter. So, here you go!
1. Which food
did Shadow Matt NOT mention? A. Ice cream, B. Toast, C. Burritos, or D.
Waffles?
2. Choose one
of the two thieves who stole Maguskoopa’s shortcake. Who were they?
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
