Chapter Two: Toads Turning into Purple Mushrooms and Giant Insects Going on a Drinking Spree…What’s the World Coming Too?!
Youthful Toadsworth, Baby Peach, and the four Mario Bros. all arrive in the castle courtyard in the present. Youthful Toadsworth runs around with Baby Peach in a baby carriage screaming about time paradoxes and naughty babies. The Mario Bros. shake their heads and head up to E. Gadd. Upon finding him they discover that he has transformed the Throne room into a lab. He has placed the Junior Shrooboid in a glass tube.
Luigi: Uh… why do you have the alien thing in a tube?
E. Gadd turns around. He doesn’t seem to either notice or care that Baby Mario and Baby Luigi are there.
E. Gadd: It’s to help me study!
The Shard thing floats out of the pockets… of one of the Bros… it’s kind of hard to tell… and floats over to the Shrooboid. The creature suddenly smiles and waves at the Shard. The Shard then floats back to the Bros.
E. Gadd: Ah! A piece of the Cobalt Star!
Luigi: How do you know?
E. Gadd: I don’t, I’m just guessing. But according to the Junior Shrooboid’s reaction, the Cobalt Star is the only way to defeat the Shroobs!
Luigi: But it looked happy-
E. Gadd: YOU FOOL! It was only PRETENDING!
Luigi: Fine! But answer me this... How is all this possible? I mean the things we’re doing should be creating dozens of paradoxes-
E. Gadd: What do you mean?
Luigi: Well, we have to go back in time to the past to help our baby selves beat the Shroobs. It’s obvious that they were defeated as they aren’t here, now and-
E. Gadd: AAAHHHHH! Stop being intelligent and just ignore the obvious impossibilities surrounding us!
Luigi: What?
E. Gadd: I said-
A Toad runs in.
Toad: Hey… uh… there is a Time Hole… thing… in a bedroom place… yeah…
E. Gadd: Excellent! Mario Bros! Go there!
Luigi: But I don’t know where-
Mario grabs Luigi and the four Bros. head for the Time Hole. They jump in! Upon reaching the other side they discover that they are now in Toadwood Forest, a normally peaceful realm, turned dark and dank by Shroob presence. Walking a bit, the four come across a Toad somehow strapped to an evil-looking tree.
Luigi: What happened?
Toad: I… was one of the Toads… with Peach…
Luigi: Okay…
Toad: But… the Shroobs attacked… and I hit my head on a rock… and got captured.
Luigi: A bit clumsy, okay…
Toad: And now… the tree shall suck my life-force… and turn me into … a purple Mushroom.
He turns into a purple Mushroom.
Luigi: Agh! That’s just strange!
They shudder, and continue. Throughout the changed forest they encounter Koopeleons, a bizarre creature that upon seeing them turns invisible and runs away. They also run into Boo Guys, who split into two and continuously slam into a tree. Finally they see some Elasto-Piranhas, who are doing aerobics and yoga. They continue until they come to a large tree blocking their path. After studying it for a while they realize there is nothing else they can do, so they continue through the forest. Soon they come to a clearing with several large stumps, six small floating transparent boxes, and one large transparent floating box thing. Stuffwell pops out.
Stuffwell: Hmm… After much consideration, I have realized that these boxes require you to get six fireballs in the little ones, then smash them with your head to put them all in the big box, to create a big fireball which you then smash to send the fireball into the tree blocking your path, destroying it!
Luigi stares at Stuffwell in shock for a few minutes. He soon gets over it as Baby Luigi smacks him in the head.
Luigi: Ow! Stuffwell…
Stuffwell: Yes?
Luigi: How’d you figure all that out?
Stuffwell: Uh… well-made construction?
Luigi: What?
Stuffwell: Yes! I am made with fine quality leather and other excellent materials which are used to make suitcases!
Luigi: You have no clue what you’re talking about, do you?
Stuffwell: None whatsoever.
Luigi: Whatever. You might be right. Mario, help me flame these boxes.
Luigi fires a green fireball at the box. It bounces off the box and hits Luigi in the face. Baby Mario winces sympathetically while Baby Luigi cackles with glee. Mario also smiles.
Luigi: OW! Fine, Mario, YOU do it!
Mario: Okeydokey!
He shoots off a red fireball from his hand. It successfully goes in the box.
Luigi: What?
Stuffwell: Huh. I guess yours were the wrong color.
Mario then fills the rest with fireballs. Once all six are filled he grabs Luigi.
Luigi: What are you doing?!
Mario: Whee!
He uses Luigi’s head to bash all the blocks. They all go in the big block, and then Mario throws Luigi at it. He hits it, sending the fireball into the tree, exactly as Stuffwell predicted.
Stuffwell: I was right!
Luigi: Ow… I wish you weren’t…
After spending a few minutes recovering the Mario Bros. head off, with Stuffwell somehow magically shrunk in their pockets. They get past where the tree was and enter the warp pipe in the area after it. It leads to further in the forest. After going straight for a while they come to a large, strange building with a sign on it. The sign says “This is the Shroobs’ secret Vim Factory. Don’t tell anyone!”
Luigi: Since when can Shroobs write English?
Stuffwell pops out.
Stuffwell: I don’t know!
Luigi: So why’d you bother coming out?!
Stuffwell: Uh… um… to… uh… tell you that… you must solve a long and complicated series of puzzles to enter the Shroobs’ Vim Factory!
Luigi: Right… And you know this… how?
Stuffwell: I’m a good guesser?
Baby Luigi chooses this time to bite Luigi’s ear.
Luigi: OW! What’s wrong with this BABY?!
He glances at Baby Mario, who is calmly watching everything.
Baby Luigi: Hee hee! WHEE!
Luigi: Geez… He’s sort of like Mario… But that’s crazy… isn’t it?
Stuffwell: Yes. You’re crazy.
Luigi: Shut up! The Babies are weird. Baby Mario is like me… and Baby Luigi is like Mario… How is that possible?
Stuffwell: It doesn’t matter! Now solve that insanely complicated puzzle!
Luigi: You don’t even know there is a puzzle! You’re just saying there is!
Stuffwell: Are you saying I’m WRONG?!
Luigi: YES! You’re an idiot! Which isn’t very surprising considering that you’re a suitcase.
While they are arguing, Mario runs over and hits a button next to the Vim Factory door. The button opens the door and Mario and Baby Mario go in.
Stuffwell: But I’m a technologically advanced suitcase!
Luigi: No, you can just talk and move around. That doesn’t make you technologically advanced, just creepy!
Stuffwell: Oh yeah? Well… Hey, the door’s open!
Luigi turns around. When he does Stuffwell vanishes in Luigi’s pocket or something.
Luigi: How’d that happen?
He turns back to where Stuffwell was, and is momentarily confused but quickly figures out where he went.
Luigi: Stupid suitcase.
He goes in the Vim Factory as well. There he finds the Marios in a small room. After checking to make sure all four of them are there, they head into the next room, which has two Hammer Bros. with helmets that have strange, blinking antennae.
Hammer Bro. 1: W3 54@11 JOO!
Luigi: What the?
Hammer Bro. 2: Tis L33t Speak!
Luigi: Okay… That’s not speaking… It’s random gibberish.
Hammer Bro. 1: 0h Y3@4? OWNAGE!
Their antennae start flashing. What looks like a wooden nose attached with cables swings over the Hammer Bros.
Hammer Bro. 2: Prepare to be PAWNED!
Luigi: What? The thing is over you guys.
The Hammer Bros. look up.
Hammer Bro. 1: Uh…
The nose thing starts suction. The Hammer Bros. dig their hammers into the… ground… and manage to avoid being sucked up. However their helmet things are sucked up. The nose goes away. The Hammer Bros. shake themselves.
Hammer Bro. 2: Wow… that was some severe pawnage.
Mario runs over to them and smacks one into a wall.
Hammer Bro. 1: OW! Jerk!
Hammer Bro. 2: We were under the evil Shroobs’ control via those vile helmets!
Luigi: Really?
Mario punches the second.
Hammer Bro. 1: Really! Here, we’ll give you babies some nice hammers and then we’ll go away!
They dash over to the babies and hand them some hammers and then they run away.
Luigi: Uh… Should we be trusting babies with hammers?
Baby Luigi slams Luigi in the head.
Luigi: OW! Stupid Baby me!
Baby Luigi: Hee hee!
Stuffwell pops up again.
Stuffwell: Do you want me to teach the babies how to effectively swing their hammers?
Baby Luigi swings again.
Luigi: OW! No! Go away!
Stuffwell: Fine. I will! Meanie.
Stuffwell disappears again. Luigi manages to turn his head to avoid a third swing from Baby Luigi. Baby Luigi seems to become bored and pockets the hammer. It promptly disappears. Luigi shakes his head, and then he and Mario continue through the dangerous factory. They run into Dr. Shroobs, which are strange yellow Shroobs that somehow got a medical license even though their idea of medicine is some kind of Shroob Mushroom. These foolish “doctors” can’t even tell the regular ones from the poisoned ones. Upon seeing the Mario Bros. they quickly down a Mushroom, if it is poisoned they pass out and if it is regular they get very large and fall down, unable to get up. They also encounter Lakitufos, which are Lakitus in flying saucers. They throw down Spiny Shroopas, which are large, purple Spinies. Two Lakitufos spot the Mario Bros. and fly over them, trying to smack them with their Spiny Shroopas. Their aim is poor, however, and they mostly just hit themselves. The Mario Bros. continue unhindered.
Luigi: Is it just me, or are the enemies we face getting more pathetic?
Mario: WHEE!
Luigi: Or perhaps my brother is just getting stupider. That’s a possibility.
Mario hits Luigi. Baby Luigi hits Luigi.
Luigi: OW, ow! Why do you keep hitting me? I’m your brother!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Well… fine, I expect it from you anyways… but Baby Luigi, I’m you! You act almost like Mario…
Baby Luigi: Whee!
Luigi: Whatever, let’s just keep going.
Soon they come to a large, evil-looking tree. With a face. Hanging from the nose is the antennae from the Hammer Bros. The Mario Bros. look at the frightening tree for a bit, but continue on through the bizarre and creepy factory. Eventually the Bros. reach a large pathway, with the floor covered by electricity.
Luigi: Well… this seems to be impassable.
Mario: OH NOOOOOOOO!
Mario grabs Luigi and throws him. He lands in the middle of the electric field but because of the way he was thrown Baby Luigi keeps going and lands safely on the other side. Luigi, however, is severely shocked.
Luigi: UFHUJFIWBIGQWUBHIHQVIGQWB!
He dashes to the safe side, getting shocked with every step he takes. He clambers up and takes a breather. Baby Luigi slams his foot, because he dropped him.
Luigi: OW!
Luigi gets up and, holding his foot, leans against the wall. This causes him to hit a switch, which makes a bridge for the Marios. They cross. Soon they come to the end of the Factory. They can tell it is the end as various signs say “You’re at the end of the Factory.” They enter the last room. Inside is a large chamber without a roof. There are two Dr. Shroobs and some kind of massive Wiggler, the Swiggler! The creature is large, angry, and red. It’s body segments are bizarre orbs and it has antennae on its head and tail. There is a glass of some kind of green liquid in front of it.
Luigi: Uh… Hi?
Dr. Shroob 1: ^$@Y%*YT%T@@TT@T%~!
Luigi: What’s that mean?
Stuffwell pops up.
Stuffwell: Well, I can’t speak Shroob, but I guess he’s asking you why you’re here.
Luigi: Uh… well we’re curious if you have any Cobalt Star Shards… and we’d like you to stop sucking the life out of the Toads and turning them into purple Mushrooms?
Dr. Shroob 2: ^&^^@%@^^*(@(^%@(^%(@%(^!
Stuffwell: I think he said no…
Swiggler: GRRRRRRAAAARGH!
It leans over and gulps down the green liquid. A hatch opens up and a second identical glass with liquid appears.
Stuffwell: I think he said that he’s drinking their life force.
Luigi: Oh. I guess that means we’ll have to fight them, huh?
Stuffwell: YOU will, I’m a suitcase!
Luigi: Coward.
Stuffwell: Yes I am!
He disappears. Mario jumps on the Swiggler and then throws Baby Mario in the air. Baby Mario slams on the Swiggler with his hammer. They both jump back. The Swiggler doesn’t seem to care…
Luigi: All right, Baby Luigi, let’s try the same thing-
Baby Luigi: WHEE!
Baby Luigi smacks Luigi in the head.
Luigi: OW!
The Dr. Shroobs pull out some ray guns, spin around, and fire… hitting each other. Hey, they’re doctors, what do you expect? Decent aim? The Swiggler charges up and then raises its rear end up. No, it’s not a skunk, as its antennae shoots up into the sky. Two Shroob Saucers absorb the energy of the Vim… and promptly explode as they get overcharged. The Swiggler takes major damage.
Luigi: Uh… wow… This is really pathetic.
The Swiggler rears up and slams down, creating a shockwave. The Bros. jump over it, after all, enemies have been using the classic “shockwave” attack for ages. It’s gotten rather predictable for them. The Swiggler shoots a cloud of poison gas out of its mouth, but the gas stays by the creature’s head, causing it to suffocate. Its poorly thought out attacks finally take their toll on the beast. It explodes into a brilliant pink ball.
Luigi: Wow… That was scarily easy.
As the shiny pink dust clears away a second Cobalt Star Shard is revealed. Mario walks over and grabs it. He holds it over his head, then pulls out the first Shard they found and dangles that over his head as well. He keeps that position for several minutes.
Luigi: Uh… Great, Mario, let’s go.
A Time Hole appears in the corner.
Luigi: See, a Time Hole appeared, we can go back.
Mario doesn’t move.
Luigi: Stop being so stupid!
Baby Bowser: Gwa ha ha!
He falls down from the roofless top and grabs the two Shards.
Luigi: Hey! Give those back!
Baby Bowser: No!
He jumps back up to the roof.
Baby Bowser: I don’t know what these are… but they’re shiny so they must be important… and tasty!
He eats them both.
Mario: OH NOOOOOO!
Luigi: It’s what you get for just standing there for five minutes! And how can those Shards fit in Baby Bowser? They’re almost as big as he is!
Baby Bowser: And now I shall make my evil escape!
Luigi: Wait… How come you can talk in complete sentences and these babies can’t?
Baby Bowser: What does that have to do with anything?
Luigi: Nothing, I was just curious.
Baby Bowser: Oh… well… uh… I shall ask Kamek!
He jumps away.
Luigi: Well Mario? Are you proud of yourself now? You lost our Shards!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: You’re hopeless.
They jump into the Time Hole and are taken back to Peach’s Castle.